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Two fragments.

Dream 1 (fragment): I was at a house, in the backyard. There was some wooden platform, with the center part being stairs. On both sides, on the platform and on the ground beneath it, was a car or truck or other vehicle.

Dream 2 (fragment): I was hiding in a room, with some two friends of mine. Outside was a circular area. In it were apparently some Necromorphs from Dead Space (presumably the first one, considering how they were running in circles), as well as some other people I know. One of my friends was evidently injured, and apparently died, and her last words were apparently to promote me to General?

Later on, someone else came into the room, and that friend spontaneously came back to life (not as a Necromorph, though).

I find myself sitting on a rocky hillside overlooking the town where I live.
I walk down to the town and enter a hallway where I meet some people who I have not seen seen for a long time, we embrace and I tell them I have missed them, I feel emotional and start to cry.
One of the women walks with me back up the hillside. She tells me we can have a new kind of tooth filling and she show's me a small crystal that looks like Citrine.
I like this idea as I have seven amaglam? Fillings and feel upset about the Mercury content.
The dentist is waiting on one of the rocks on the hillside, she is blonde and good looking she shows me how she will insert the crystal and then polish it down to size. I agree to the treatment and feel excited about having crystal teeth.

In this dream I was 16, and we were all at a friend's house, though I don't know any of the DCs in real life, it was just a set of people. The strange thing was, I was still in a couple with my wife, who I hadn't even met at 16. So we are at one of these DC's parents' houses, and we are all in this living room wide open space. Her parents are around and we are essentially waiting for them to leave / go to bed so that we can all have sex. The plan wasn't to have sex all together, but more to couple off and kind of watch each other have sex. Unfortunately for my dream self, the sex never happened. So I set down my towel, and while we're sitting there waiting I find this old phone. The phone is one that I had in college studying abroad in Italy, so you can already tell that all of the dates are messed up. On the phone I was looking at all of the numbers of minutes I used while I was abroad, and calculating the number of charges I paid.

After a bit of time of this, and showing it to one of the DCs, who wanted to scroll through all of the foreign area codes and such, I went to the bathroom, which was connected to the DC's parent's bedroom. DC's father was in the bedroom, and for some reason there was no door between their room and the bathroom, so I had to hide behind the wall as I went to the bathroom. After going to the bathroom, I walked out, and the father came over to me and started chatting about this and that. I basically wanted to high tail it out of there, so that he would leave us alone for this sexual encounter that the DCs had dubbed "The Feast" So I got back to the room, and a new couple had joined the group. It was a guy that I did know from real life (he was a loner in college) who was a wolf furry and had brought some furry DC with him to join our sexcapades. At this point we were all talking about "The Feast" and moving our towels around to give each other a good view. However, that's when I woke up!

Morning of May 1, 2013. Wednesday.



My wife Zsuzsanna and our children (although the oldest is eighteen) are in a matte silver bus (late 1950s-early 1960s) parked just beyond a large bridge (which is somewhat like a suspension bridge and sparsely covered), still somewhat on the road. It is possibly my father’s old bus he used in real life for a music studio, which was purchased from a church and had a small balcony at the rear and had most of the passenger seats removed. I have a sense that there may be some trouble (such as police officers, escaped convicts, or both). I look out the right windows and down and see a couple cars. Looking closer, I see there are two 1936 Ford Phaetons close to the right side of the bus, one parked behind the other (aligned to the bus), of a very deep blue, almost black, and very shiny and well-cared for. Ahead, also to the right, but more off the road, is another one. This one has a chauffeur standing just outside the door on the left. He is dressed somewhat like a jockey from the 1940s, but a bit more stylish and with more balanced (matching), darker colors.

Zsuzsanna and I decide to leave the bus and look around. I notice that both sides of the road just beyond the bridge are partially blocked (about half on the road, half off); on the right by our bus, and on the left, yet a couple more Ford Phaetons of a darker color (so there are five in all - possibly representing our five children, and the one with the chauffeur - for our baby - or oldest son?

As we are standing there on the bridge in a very peaceful state, my wife and I notice that a massive green algal bloom is covering much of the bridge, road surface, and river’s surface, yet it has an odd “fresh”, “clean” and almost foamy feel to it.

A car (bluish-to-greenish-gray 1990 Lincoln) comes zigzagging and spinning (in slow motion) into our area from the other direction, going from one side of the bridge to the other in various out-of-control patterns. The car is also covered with green algae and slime; even over the windows so that the driver cannot see (the windshield wipers are not going, either). This does not seem unusual (compared to the typical real-life drivers in this region; one had even crashed into our house once and another at a different time into the church across the street, and there are “near-misses” all the time). I decide that perhaps the other cars should be moved out of the way (there is also a vacuum cleaner sitting just outside the bus, which I move out of the way).

However, the 1990 Lincoln swerves violently (though it could have easily went between the other vehicles if the road was not so slippery or if the driver had control), and somehow (before reaching the area the bus and cars are) knocking out a seeming support column of the bridge as well as the side of the walkway. It then goes straight off and plunges into the water, quickly sinking completely, starting at about a forty-five degree angle. There are no escape attempts, so I guess the occupants drowned (similar to one of my last dreams where a car went off a bridge into the water). Soon, the green algae areas flow back again, covering the watery surface’s “hole” the car had made in their growth.

“Very interesting,” I say during the sinking of the car.

There is then a bit of enhanced “roaring” silence, then; insects, birds, a slight breeze rustling the trees, etc

“That was nice”, says my wife sincerely, almost romantically.

“Mmm-hmm”. I agree and nod slowly. I look back, hoping to see more fools drive off the bridge and make a big splash, but there is no more traffic this way. I notice that there was additional damage to the bridge, in that part of it is tipped and broken away. Instead of making a slight attempt at the short jump to get back to our bus, I tell my wife we should just walk around via the other route, which may take five or ten minutes. I wake.

---

Although this dream was not precisely precognitive, I did see something similar on the news in real life later; a longer special-imaging video of some sort (from a police helicopter) showing people driving and spinning all over the road as a policeman talked about stopping such people. As I sat watching this video, watching the car go all over the road, onto the footpath, etc. and spinning around for what seemed like ages (and much of it was in slow motion), it did feel like my dream. I even almost expected to see one go off a bridge and into the water, but none did.

---

Dream recall from today's naps. For some reason forgetting to RC on waking up in dream...

I was in the some city area and there were buildings made of red brick, later i was at home and i went to sleep, i was then in some place called 'Scattered Land' which was a bunch of deserty floating islands, i woke up and there was some discussion with the family and then it was freezingly cold and i went back to sleep, this time there was the screen with a map that was ranking some heights or something like that, i recall there were numbers like 50,000,000 100,000,000 , 250,000,000 , 666,000,000% , 1,500,000,000 , 2,500,000,000 , then i woke up and it was still freezingly cold, i noticed weird comic about ponies on the drawer( i am not even into that IWL).

I am sitting in my brother in law's apartment, this i the first time I have been here - it's a nice place. We seem to be in a small town, but in that small town is one city style street - like a street from the 'good' part of new york has been plonked down in the middle of this town. It must cost a fortune to live here! I look out of the window and see a dead body strewn across the gutter, blood flowing into the drains and a large group of people just gaping. Hah! - Stupid people, they think it is a real body - don't they know that RIGHT next to the body is the television study AMC? It's just a prop for a crime show they are doing.

A mother of a grown daughter who wanted to control her daughter too much came to me to change her name to one of the mother's choosing. I realized that it did not matter what I did, so I said to the daughter. "You can do whatever you like. You control your own fate. You can choose your own name." The daughter's eyes opened wide - she was very surprised.

I believe this dream was almost lucid:
(1) I realized that it did not matter what I did. Why? One possibility is that part of me realized that there would be no negative consequences of my defying the mother. Why? Could it be I realized it was a dream on some level? I think this was not lucid because I did not realize it consciously not that I recall, but this was close. Interestingly, when I realized that "it did not matter what I did", I chose to do the right thing.
(2) What I told the daughter is what you would tell someone to help them become lucid: You can do what you like. You are in control here.
(3) There was a sense of empowerment to this scene which was almost like in a lucid dream.

Dream sign: This was not my only dream about the power of a name!

It's all graphic.....






So I'm in a hotel suite with Linda Friday *cough's safe search on* (one of my favorite porn stars) and we're naked. Other people are there, but we really don't care. One is my nosy neighbor...the rest are random DCs. We're already naked, on the floor, and I enter her from the rear. I pound her for several thrusts, and it slips out. She suggests that I go anal....I look at it...it's not tooo bad (you know, compared to most of my dreams) but it's a bit prolapsed, and I just don't feel comfortable about doing that. She tells me a reason why she wants me to do it that way, and then sort of challenges me. The scene changes...but we're still there, and the dream fades.

Self-hypnosis works again, and these were dreams a few days ago.

29.04.2013

My Neighbor Has No Manners (DILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I'm inside of my apartment, and the dream scene is so realistic that I assume that it was reality. I didn't want to question anything, I just knew I had to be dreaming either way. It was fairly obvious, the setting was different, it was bright as day outside, and it was a little windy as well.

I'm only wearing my tighty whities just like in waking life now, and I feel perfectly normal. The dream is fairly linear, and I proceed to get out of my bedroom and starting to walk through the small hall in my dream apartment. It was about the same width as the actual one, I noticed some furniture and such were oddly placed, but I didn't care too much about them.

What bothered me is that I noticed something weird about the window in front of me. I noticed that there was someone outside, and they're bracing against the wall near my apartment outside as well. I come a bit closer to to see who it was, and it was this odd-looking fellow. I raise up the red curtains, which were definitely not related to the blue curtains I have in my actual apartment, and I noticed that the window is opened.

To my surprise, as I'm slowly raising up the curtain, the odd-looking neighbor said, "Thanks." I realized he was reading a book, and I saw he glanced up at me quickly and immediately turned his head to go back to reading. I didn't know how to recieve this kind of response, since it was obvious that no one should be bracing against the interior of my apartment, and because of this conflict of reasoning on what to do next, I decided to continue to trying to get the curtains up in a position.

For some reason, I believe my conflicted reasoning also wanted me to move the curtains so the neighbor could brace properly outside and be able to rest his left arm on the opened window. The window was a bit longer than usual, and in order to open it, there was the generic lock that you had to twist outward into your direction to open up, and I believe this isn't the case for my actual apartment.

The thought on whether or not he potentially stole items in my apartment didn't come to me whatsoever, since he had a calm and relaxing demeanor throughout most of this dream. I have an awkward time moving the curtains and trying not to get them to touch my presumed neighbor again. I would lift them in the general direction from down and straight up, then I would go from down to diagonally placing it to the left and other angles as well.

I realized I needed some kind of pin or object in order to keep the curtain in place. The neighbor had to move his arm frequently each time I put the curtain down, and I still didn't know what I was going to say to him, since he has yet to make any kind of concerning behavior and/or action. I quickly look around this limited area in my apartment, and I noticed there's a pink-clip that was somehow a pin as well.

I don't know how the logic with that worked, but I picked up, and I slowly inserted it inside a part of the curtain. I didn't question that a clip suddenly served as a pin, and I finally managed to get a huge chunk of the part of the curtain that I folded up so it would make a curve like this " J ".

Then I realized I needed an actual pin to keep things in place, however, with dream logic, that wasn't needed since the vanilla colored walls and the weird looking object I used as a clamp suddenly was able to stick together. After this fiasco, I start shifting my thoughts back to this neighbor randomly bracing against the inside of my apartment.

His visage looks awfully familiar to one of my actual neighbors, except he doesn't have as long of a hair than him. It's more of a bow-shaped head with out of wack curls on the ends. He's wearing glasses, thin framed, and his face is partially filled with acne, and he has the "Pedro" stereotypical mustache on him as well.

It seems he was half-naked with just dark brown jean shorts, and he immediately enters my apartment. While I'm busy preparing for a "Wtf do you think you're doing" on this guy, suddenly my kitchen is closer to the both of us. He turns his back on me, and goes opens the fridge to see what's inside. I noticed that there were mostly transparent bowls with food inside with red tops concealing them as well.

The light inside of the fridge was the generic yellow bulb light, and then I immediately close it, slowly warning this guy that he's not suppose to be in this apartment. Then he takes a spit on the floor, and I'm wondering what the fucking hell is wrong with this dipshit, and that's when I started to break.

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE NOW!"

He looks at me weirdly, slightly affected with a tinge of fear, and decides to do one more random action of trying to get something on top of the fridge or whatever the hell it was, couldn't remember to great detail. He wanted to take the dime that was placed on top, and I grabbed his wrist and gave him a "NO" facial expression. I take the dime away from him, and I directed him to get out through the window, and I believe I stated,

"AND STAY OUT YOU JERK!"

or something to that nature without trying to use curse words. He apparently lived to the right of me, which was kind of awkward, since now I know he's bloody one door to the right of me, and it only makes me worried what he would do next time. I started to question how he got the window to be opened in the first place, since I don't even open my window in my actual apartment in real life simply because it's awkward to have it opened and let people see what I'm doing.

After that petty drama was over, I decided to clean up the area where he spat. I get some paper towels, and I maneuver them in a circular motion and then threw it into the trash can that didn't have a lid on it. It seems that I had the intention to move my stuff in a U-Haul truck, seeing as I had some small furniture and bags I felt that were mine outside of my apartment. I made sure that I kept a good awareness of my environments, and also an eye in case that neighbor wants to randomly come into my apartment again.

I didn't pay attention anything beyond the U-Haul truck in my apartment, but with peripheral vision, I could tell my subconscious did a fair job to make it seem like it was a replication of waking life's setting. I had some random brown bag that seems to resemble the one that a Pan-Asia Restaurant I go to from time to time uses for To-Go orders.

I noticed this was like a mini-trash bag, seeing how there were paper plates that had random residues of food, and there was also a concerning amount of wasted rice in this bag as well. After realizing it was just another way to trash some things, I noticed something very shiny inside, and it ended up being my Zune HD. At first, I didn't want to believe I would trash it, but then I turn back again and picked it up and it seems I really did.

I had to wipe off the food sauce and residue from it, and then I slowly walked back to my apartment while examining the Zune HD to make sure that it was working. I ended up not paying attention to it and just put it somewhere in invisible land, because I sure don't remember not having it anywhere near my tighty whities. For the rest of the dream, I continued to beleive that this was slightly realistic, the whole event with the neighbor and such, and I felt that I had to post this on Dream Views because that guy was in a really odd position.

_________________________

29.04.2013

I Killed One Million People (DILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

This is one of those dreams where you shouldn't have been lucid in any moment whatsoever. It was so awkward, it's like I was suddenly a mass murder terrorist, and I can't believe how I had this tinge of fear rather than a full-blown anxiety trip. It was also one of those dreams where if I didn't know I was dreaming, I would be really stupid.


So I'm hiding inside some random room in a building, and I have a device that allows me to hear the conversations of soldiers trying to find me.

"He's in in the....*so and so and so*"

I only have a silver gun on my right hand I believe, and I'm really wondering what's going on here.

"He's killed a million lives..." or something like that.

I started getting scared on what I could possibly do that could kill that many people, and I started to feel that this was a reality, and that I really fucked up this time. I rub my head a bit and....


I decided to open the door slightly to see if there's any soldiers around. I go about running randomly, always keeping an increased awareness of my surroundings, and twitching at any sign of movement or any kind of shadows that would show up. The environment I'm in is hard to describe what kind of building it was.

The carpet was red, and there ways a vanilla tile floor maybe 30 feet away from me, and the overall lighting atmosphere was a milky yellow. The walls were hard to distinguish, most likely a range of brown and orange-red colors, fairly flat colors, nothing too abstract. Feelings started to rush inside me as I hear the foot steps of soldiers coming in.


They're finally here, and they aim their machine guns at me, but then things start getting weird. Time slows time a bit, and I start shooting all of them in the head, dropping like flies.

Then there's this annoying old man trying to shoot me, kind of like the type of AI you expect from a video game when you're playing on "Easy Mode," and you're ducking for cover, but the enemy comes out at random times, so you can't even get a proper aim at them. He couldn't shoot me, and I couldn't shoot him, so I decided to just dash and go somewhere else.

I can't remember much after that, and I prefer not to, since I doubt there was a happy ending.

DREAM | NON-DREAM


Ok so this was one of my most vivid dreams yet, and I think it was at the end of my longest REM Period of the night as I naturally woke, at about 5.30 AM.


I was skate boarding down a large hill along side a wire fence, with a few friends I know, when one of us slipped off the board, hurting themselves a lot, with half there face cut up badly, and cuts on their arms and legs, it was not the prettiest sight, and it scared the hell out of me. I began to apply first aid (which is not unusual as I have a tier II First aid certificate.) and the others called for an ambulance, there was two different operators on the phone, one was really nice and helpful whilst the other was mean. We were speaking to the nicer one first, who transferred us to the other, we had some sort of argument and then asked to be put back on the line with the other lady. (we said her name, although I forgot this detail.) Once the call was over we waited for the ambulance. Next to the road where the incident happened was a wire linked fence, beyond it was a small hill, a tree and a cricket ground, but I do not remember the cricket ground to well. We began to watch through the fence when a man, presumably from the nearby town approached us, he asked what had happend and asked if it was one of the people who played AFL (Australian Football League, one of the biggest sports here.) we said no, and he let out a sigh of relief and praised the lord. We thought it was kind of rude, but did not do anything of it. Moments after this, the person who had slipped off the board started laughing, we all turned and he stood up, and said "Got you's!" we all got angry, swore at him and I then said "Your paying for all the fee's of the ambulance, and the fine for a prank call, fucker." I was pissed.

The dream then faded, and I awoke, naturally, which was nice.

this morning i had my 3 and 4 lucid dreams it was awsome i was realy hammerd that night and i woke up somtime in the early morning and was waiting to all asleep and i felt like i was falling through space twisting and turning and then i saw my body lying next to a copy of my body in the EXACT same position as eachother i was looking down from the cealing and then i was instantly in my body and i knew what was happening so i did reality checks to be sure and i was, and then the scene changed again and i was in a stair case and i kept on walking up for ages and when i got to the top it was a dead end just a wall and so i used some like super powers lol and put my hands on the wall and tried to make it dissapear but instead it turned to paper and so i started tearing it down and it was the entrance to a plant room witch is where i uasaly am for work and my mate scotty was in there and we started punching on and so i put my hands up to the sky and pulled down two lightning bolts and started zapping him then i woke up.

and then i stayed still and in a couplle of seconds i was dreaming again and i was in mongolia and i was in an open feild serrounded by bush and a river and that one was realy boring couse i kept driftint in and out of lucidness but when i was lucid i like played in the river catching fish and shit and just walked around looking at the bush

I'm in the living room and I see a light bulb. One of those flood light types. It has big furry spider legs, and it's walking across a table that I no longer have. I RC...but it fails (nose pinch but I forgot to realize I needed to feel the pressure). I thought about just randomly trying to fly, but I felt like I would have looked stupid, so I went outside. I spent the remainder of the dream searching for a hammer to kill the spider with, and woke up obviously mad.

4/5/13

1. I am on a low ski-lift with no snow. I can control my cart, and I accidentally ram it into the one parallel to me. I knock her off, and I see her body below.

2. I get a job at a deli store. I sit in the back and package sandwiches according to orders. I mess up, and I walk out without receiving pay because of my embarrassment.

4/4/13

1. I sign up for a summer camp. I have a lot of fun there. At the first night, at the dining hall, some old-time members and counselors contemplate 'telling us...'

I have no idea what this means. Then they talk about a curse or something to do with a dragon. Everybody leaves on the last day. The next year, I decide to return because I had a lot of fun. Students begin to die this time. It becomes a huge drama in the camp. One night, I sneak into another hall. There were no cabins, just one building that we would only leave twice at the camp. Outside, there was a basement underneath the grass, and a couple more buildings were on the property. I go back inside, but see something in one of the rooms. A student is murdered. I become panicked and scared; I don't even have time to mourn them. A blonde girl instructs the killing, but an old man (a camp counselor) seems to oversee it. I hide as they begin to talk.

"We have to stop doing this," the camper says. There are about five people there.

"You understand why we are, you know," the man says in response. I cannot guess why they are killing the students. I suspect that they killed all the others too, unlike what they stated. I go to bed, but I cannot sleep. My terror produces sweat on my sheets, and I get up. I sit on the floor and think, but I cannot settle my thoughts. This was only the beginning. The days go by, and more campers disappear. I shudder at where they might keep the bodies. I tell one student, but on the night before the last day, everybody knew of the crazy killer cult rumor. I attempt to get sleep, but chaos ensues. I sneak out the back, but I soon have to escape a stalker. Many people are killed, and students run out of the building frantically. Many campers kill each other; they were also a part of it. I run to the wooden theater, and there are children lying on the ground. A man is light matches and throwing gasoline. I scream, but the children don't realize what's happening. They open their eyes and realize their attacker. The campers get up and run to the exit, but the far left portion has been enflamed along with some of the burning kids. The fire spreads by each still live body, causing only a few to escape to safety by the doorway I am standing at. The wind pierces my back; I am outside. There are acres of isolation, I think, how will we ever get out of here? I go to the gate where a girl is.

"Is that smoke I smell?" she says playfully. I ignore her.

"Do you remember last year? They are insane. Call 911!" I say.

"What? This is a nice camp, they aren't crazy..."

"They are part of this cult- You don't understand because you didn't go this year- Just listen. Your brother is dying. Follow me!" I say to her. Her face explodes with worry. I take her to the burning theater and call her brother's name. He does not respond, indicating his death. The property is chaotic; the fire is spreading and death is a harbinger to everybody. The blonde girl tries to stab the girl I am leading to her brother. My friend runs far, and I lose her. I have no choice but to run in the opposite direction to avoid the killers. I am out of breath and am in the forest. I can hear screams, and there is blood on some of the trees. An hour later, I come back to the camp. I step behind a building and see my friend's body. I am struck by an angry, tragic sadness. I run from the killer girl. I find the hatch that leads to the basement in the forest while running through the darkness. I descend the steps but hear her quickly behind me. I find a closet and enter it. I hide behind it. The basement suddenly turns into the garage of my house, but I do not become lucid. In the closet of my garage, there is a door leading outside to the sidewalk that I can escape from. I hear the girl coming. She flings open the door and frantically swings her knife around. I kick the sealed door open and run into the streets, free into the morning dawn with the scene of the camp long gone.

[Sleep at 12:15 am. Alarm off at 4:00 am - awake for 5 minutes. Non-lucid. Recorded 6:05 am.]
I remember talking to someone about Opa's death. While in real life I have been sad and, of course, I miss him, I have not really cried or even thought about it beyond the first day. In the dream though, I broke down into hysteric tears. I really missed him and felt his lose deeply even though we were not too close. [I suddenly remember when he stood up for me against Oma with the whole mayo fiasco.]

Then I was possibly half awake and still crying. I knew I had been dreaming but also recognized the fact that I needed to cry since I had not allowed myself to do so in real life.

The dream started somewhere else with a person (the one I was talking to about Opa) but I can't remember what we were doing or why. We were walking at the time of the conversation, and it was dark. Everything was dark. [Because I did not have to see to feel. Sight can be misleading, as I had let my emotions misguide me. In order to heal on a deep level, I needed to FEEL, not to think or rationalize.] Remember thinking I should wake up and write it down, but was still partly sleeping and wanted to continue - very tired.

[Contemplation. Dream fragments remembered until entire dream pieced together. 4.30.13 1:30pm]
At the beginning there was I girl with light skin and long dark hair pulled back. She was talking to me and leading me somewhere. Saw through my own eyes, or the eyes of the player, not watching from above like usual. Was I myself? Or just a character?

Surrounded by darkness and rocks. Maybe in some kind of cave? Was there water nearby? On the walls? Possibly in the cave behind my waterfall, but then why would I have to be lead. I WAS following, but why and to where?

Dream then changed, but same darkness followed. Not a scary, fear inducing darkness, more a comforting, peaceful darkness. I felt at ease, walking next to someone. I believe different then the girl in the beginning, but somehow felt the same, just older. More wise and knowing. Talking to me as we walked through the darkness. I don't remember hearing words, but knew there was a conversation. Don't know where we were or where we were going. More like surrounded by nothingness. Going no where, doing nothing but being.

Suddenly flooded by thought of Opa and feelings of immense sadness and loss. I was crying. Although there was so much pain, I knew this was a part of a healing process that I have not allowed myself in a waking state. I knew I had to think of him, of how much I missed him, and just let the tears come. I felt safe knowing this woman was somehow supporting me, encouraging me to let myself simply feel.

I believe I partly woke up, crying, and reflected on this experience as something I needed in order to move on. I know I suppress my emotions in a waking state, so much that it very rarely even creeps into my dreams, so I know I am making progress. I felt relief.

I knew I should write everything down or forget the details, but somehow felt the beginning of the dream was not significant and had no fear forgetting the rest. Too tired to wake fully, possibly even still dreaming. Floated back into sleep.

Was this my guide? Do I need to let myself heal emotionally before I can travel successfully? Hopes of seeing Dason still hold me back. I need to let this go while coping with the reality that he is gone. I need to find a way to hold on to his memory while still somehow moving on. This is a big task that will take time. My guide will help me. I have full trust in her.

[Sudden memory from 8 years ago. Remember the dream so long ago? A sword. A guide. A tower. Dason, Brittany, max?, Jamaal? We were going to take over the world. Change it. What did she say to me? Only he could do something, but I was needed for... something. Same guide? He was the tower, looking up at its immense structure. The guide and myself watched from above. "You know he is the only one that can change the world?" I was disappointed it wasn't me, but I was also young and immature. She was wise. What was meant? What was my purpose? I knew instinctively others were involved, but I played a big role in this change. So long to go without this dream... until now. Why?]

[Contemplation and inspiration. 4.30.13 10:15 pm]
Tarot reading few months ago. Guidance, reversed. Thought nothing of it until the following weekend when it all occurred to me at once. I ask for guidance, as if I do not have it, but in fact I do. There are signs every where and I have the tools to guide myself, but I set this all aside because I am waiting for guidance from him. He cannot lead me any further. "I have taught you everything you need to know." At the time, I cried. I knew it was a dismissal, a good-bye. How right I was... I need to heal and move on. It is possible he still exists outside my heart, but I need to progress with my own insight or risk losing everything. Guidance is here, I just have to open my eyes to it. Now, my guide has returned. Whether an astral being, a spirit, or a creation of my mind, to me it is a representation of guidance. It is knowledge and understanding to help me see choices and follow my own paths. It is me.