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Frags:

• another anxiety dream about packing for a trip

Thoughts | Non-Lucid | Lucid | Techniques/Aids

Bedtime 11:30PM-7:00AM

Potassium 1200
B6 400MG
Taurin 500MG
Beer

I am not sure why I took so many supplements last night. Blame it on the beer.

Most of the night was a dark blank. But I was able to successfully WILD in the later part of the morning.

I woke up from a dream earlier but fell back to sleep as I was trying to recall it.


Fragment 5:44AM

Something about being at the same place at 13th Street building and going to the gas station.

In another dream my wife says, "You want It. Don't you?"
I say, "Yeah, but after 9 - 9:30 I'm just so tired."

I got up to pee at this point and thought about staying up for 30min to WBTB. Seeing how it was almost 6 I thought my son might be waking up soon so I just laid back down with a strong resolve to WILD. Plus the thought of having to stay awake made me shutter. I was really sleepy. I was able to hold awareness for sometime I eventually slipped unconscious. At about 6:30AM the baby woke us up. I really wanted to get a WILD so it's shameful but I played possum until my wife go up with him. It was worth it because I was more determined not to lose it again.

Lucid #96 WILD OBE 7:00AM

This time I stay aware longer. I used a lot of different visualizations. I have been looking for an easy to go visual to allow me to actively enter the dream easier and more consistent. I ended up trying to imagine myself walking up endless stairs. That seemed to be easy enough. I am not sure but I think I just about lost it again until I felt really strong vibrations.
My awareness snaps to it then. It's funny but I don't remember any sounds this time. I quickly and easily imagined my feet going over the side of the bed an touching the floor. Now I am standing. I see the bedroom door and start to walk to it.

Suddenly I feel the vibrations again. I watch as I am sucked backwards against my will back into my body. I let out a huge gasps. The sensation was very odd but I did not let it stop me.

I transition out once again the same way. This time I am blind. I spend a few minutes trying to open my eyes. Every time I open them I see out of my real eyes from the point of view of laying in bed on my right side. I don't want to wake myself up so I don't worry about it too much as I realize that when this happens, the best thing to do is to go along into the dream and forget that I can't see. I fumble around a bit but quickly and easily open the bedroom door and walk through the house to the front door. I notice that I reach the front door almost immediately. I think no there should be more steps than that. So to satisfy myself I let go of the door knob and take a few quick strides forward until I feel the door again. At that point I realized that I have no idea what I wanted to do. I decide its too late for that and just decide to explore the dream.

I open the front door and realize that I am in my underwear only. I think well its a dream and it really doesn't matter. Then I remember a thought I had in waking life. Now that its getting colder and I having so many OBEs will I feel cold if I go outside? As I step out I feel cold air swirl around me. I don't like it and force the thought out of my mind. The cold goes away.

I see my black cat Sputnik. She it fighting with another cat. I hear the awful sounds of cats fighting and then they both run away. Ha! Now I realize that I can see. It's still really dark and hazy but I can see. I think in waking life the sun should be up by now. I am a little disappointed.

I look around the neighborhood as best as I can. I remember another thought from waking life. I never see to look very far down the street when I am outside in a LD. So I just try to focus on that but its too dark. As I am looking around I begin to notice that the houses look almost like a medieval village and they all have torches and sconces mounted on the outside.

At that point the dream does dark. I feel my awareness pulling away and shifting to the physical world. I let it be as I know I can DEILD back in. I wait never moving or opening my eyes. I make a huge mistake here. I am waiting for vibrations and forget that SP is not a requirement.

I have a false awakening. I grab my galaxy player and start to enter into my DJ. I see the time is a little after 7am. I hear my brother-In-Law say something odd to my left. I look at him. He is lying next to me looking at his phone. He says, "I was just kidding. I just like to say that sometimes." I think I start to realize it was a dream still but the shock of it wakes me up for real.

The last time I had an OBE my wife was in the living room in waking life. Wouldn't it be amazing if she actually saw me on morning? I keep expecting her to say something odd happened but she never does. I doubt it would ever happen. Sometimes I wonder about it but I still think OBEs are just dreams.

11.18.2012

Hardcore Racing and Ron Jeremy! (DEILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

Asked my subconscious to help me wake up, keep my eyes closed, and remain still. And she helps me out here! <33333

I hear the alarm that I set, and I become aware that I'm awake, and I immediately enter the dream state within 30 seconds or so.

I get up from bed, and immediately checked out the window in my apartment. The light in the living room is on, which is a big difference than before. The environment is clearly different than in waking life.

There's a huge tree that's apparent near the front yard of the apartment complex, and there's all sorts of things that I could describe. I do a nose plug reality check, and then proceeded to open the door to the left of me.

I get out, and I walk around a bit. I noted to myself that I'm dreaming, and how I will have a stable lucid dream. I had thoughts that said, "wake up!" "wake up!" but they are immediately eradicated out of my dreaming mentality.

I'm completely immersed in the dream scene, and nothing is going to stop my stabilization in the dream at all. So I started to talk to Eva mentally for a few moments, and then I started to touch my chest more. I rubbed it more and more, and things started to get more detailed.

I'm walking on a newly tarred black road, and see there's curved road way heading to the left. There's this house to the right of me with a long curved slop going upwards. There's a lot of cars within this driveway, and the garage seems to be open.

I'm afraid, because I had a strong temptation to take one of the cars away from whoever owned all these cars. After a while, after seeing one car completely opened on both sides, I decided to go in quickly.

I head on the left side for the driver's seat. The car's exterior is a light brown color, and parts of it makes me presume it's a Lamborghini with a fix of Ferrari parts as well.

The interior is mostly black, and I realized the vehicle is already turned on. I looked to my right and noticed the front passenger seat is open, and the padding between the seats is giving me a bit of a challenge here.

I have to get up and move my rear on the padding a bit, and then I slam the passenger seat shut. I close the driver's seat as well, and then I tried turning my head back to check and see if there's any oncoming vehicles.

Seems the back window is completely blocked by the large brown sofa-like chairs, and I decided to back up either way, even if I could've smashed into another vehicle.

I start accelerating fairly quick, and before I know it, I'm already on the high way. I have amazing control, and I'm turning the vehicle around tight corners at amazing speeds. I'm seeing this all in third person riding the vehicle, and I'm mostly seeing the back and top of the vehicle for the camera view.

I make a few wrong turns, like going to the McDonald's drive-thru for instance. Everything still maintained a decent about of detail, despite all of the high-speed madness going on here. The atmosphere is mostly gray, and it feels like morning will arrive in a few minutes. After going crazy with these twist and turns, perfectly not hitting into anything, at least not hitting into everything, I'm suddenly in a NASCAR type of race.

Then it turns into a race where the field is open for any kind of car stunts. It seems Ron Jeremy, during this point in the dream is watching me somehow, and I'm led to this assumption because there's some random guy in a blue racing suit that popped up for a few seconds stating,

"Ron Jeremy hates it when you're doing this!"

"He hates it when you're trying to speed up the ramp!"

I'm speeding up the ramp, and Ron Jeremy doesn't seem to mind at all, in fact, I can sense him encouraging me to do the stunt, which I did with ease. After random driving and pulling off the ramp stunt, things calm down a bit, and Ron Jeremy gives an analysis of what happened.

I think he gave me an overall positive review, and it's hard to recall the exact words he stated, since they're typed or set out in a blurry font that has a lime green background behind it.

_________________________

11.18.2012

Women in Tubes and Insane Sex fest (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

Holy hell, this was just....submission to the extreme.

Throughout this whole dream, I'm seeing things from above, so everything looks flat, but is still easy to distinguish what's 3D and what's not, but most of the environment and the people I'm looking down at are 3D.

Spoiler for 18+:

There are women in transparent tubes, and the interior of this Plexiglass material seems to be a light sky blue color that's glowing.


There are holes for them to stick their asses out to for men to penetrate them as much as they want to. Think of them as glory holes, except bigger so their asses can fit outside. There's several tubes with one women, and maybe two inside of them, and there's all sorts of action going on that it's hard to put in into detail.

I remember one female's ass cheeks had the sun tan lining in a shape of a triangle that's pointing downwards to her asshole. There's a male that holds her big ass on the sides, and thrusts her like crazy, and she has to submit completely, and she can't get out. So while he's rocking her, she's barely able to hold on to something.

The same goes for the other tubes, and it's kind of hard to distinguish if there's mostly vaginal or anal intercourse, but with the things going on in this dream, anything is possible.

After a while, it seems everyone is slowing down a bit, and I even see a male that starts cuddling with another woman that looks a lot like Lisa Ann.

I can't remember much after that.

_________________________

11.18.2012

Finding a Hotel (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I'm riding a bicycle, the type that hardcore cyclists utilize in those marathon races. I seem to be wearing a completely black outfit that's flexible, and conforms to the curves of my dream body easily. The leggings of this full sports outfit stops between my thighs.

I'm have lean muscle, and my whole body seems to be fairly proportionate. I'm riding a bicycle on a road, and I have my chest a few inches behind the bicycle front, and I have my arms in the "L" position as I use the lower handles you see in the same cyclist bicycle.

I'm riding fairly well, and I think a few people are riding bicycles as well. I get a phone call from my mother, and I quickly take it out while having one hand holding on to a handle and a brake. She starts asking me if I have enough stuff with me, and I start getting annoyed by this and told her that I'm just fine.

I hang up, and reached for my left pocket, and felt a paper-like material inside. I take it out, ignoring the road, and realized it's a $20 bill. It's a bit difficult capturing all the details of the money, but I do see the numbers for it. I put it back inside my pocket, and focused on the road again.

I started to speed up way more than before when I was distracted with the phone call. I didn't feel any pain whatsoever on my legs, and continued to pedal faster.

Eventually, the dream shifts, and now I'm near a movie theater that has a red color for it's exterior. It's raining at the moment, and I can feel the rain drops falling down on me sporadically. I quickly find shelter under the Theater thanks to the roofing of random extensions.

Because of the rain, it makes the atmosphere gloomy, with the dark gray clouds and aura everywhere. Most buildings are dull, consisting of shades of gray and black, while the movie theater itself sustains a high contrast of colors.

Then I realized that I can't remember the name of the hotel that I bought a room for myself. I worry a bit, but then realized I could call my mother. But then I get distracted, and I decided to explore this place a bit more. I look to my left, and I see a ticket booth with a blonde female inside of it. She's looking at a computer or something, and waiting for people to get near her to buy tickets.

Then I head for this random hotel in front of me that has a high contrast of colors like the theater, and I have a feeling that this could be the one I bought a room for, but I'm still a bit skeptical about it overall. The carpet within this hotel is mostly dark red, but it has fancy patterns with light brown borders, and a dark green color in the middle.

I think I have my shoes off, probably because I didn't want the carpet floor to get wet. I have some kind of awareness of where I left off my shoes, and proceeded to walk around bit in this hotel area. It looks pretty fancy, like those really luxurious hotels that cost like 150 bucks or more. The walls have a dark yellow to dark gold color, and the lights on the ceiling have a faded yellow-orange color, mostly leaning towards the yellow side.

I decided that I should try to find a Help or Information Center within this hotel. I look around the front out reflex, and no employee is apparent, or anybody at all. I could see the transparent Plexiglass doors for the entrance of the hotel in front of me, and I quickly glanced to find it's still raining outside. The environment outside is still sustaining the dull colors that I mentioned before.

I decided to go upstairs this time, and there's this elderly lady who is coming down the stairs. I really don't pay attention to her that much, but I noticed she wore a fancy light milky pink hat along with a women's suit and dress of matching color that ends near her knees.

She's dark skinned lady, and I believe she's wearing glasses. For some reason, she starts having a conversation with me, and I don't what she said to me to get my attention. I honestly was focused on finding help, and hopefully finding a phone source I could use, since I think my phone was probably fried from the rain, or that I forgot I had one altogether.

So I'm conversing with her, and I mentioned how I have a hotel room reserved that I paid $70 for.

"Only $70?" She replies.

I'm a bit spaced out with she stated that, $70 is a large amount of money, at least for someone like me, who has no job in the first place. She then starts talking about random stuff that I can't recall.

She's a good at having a gaff with, or should I say, a conversation with. Though she really isn't enticing at all, and I'm not attracted to her elderly composition at all. She does have a positive personality, an d that's really the only thing she has going for her, but come on, she's old, so I can't really be more insulting than I am right now.

More elderly women start to come downstairs, and I get a dream shift where I'm seeing things in first person view instead of 3rd person. It seems I'm on the first base that's on top of the set of red carpet covered stairs. I realize the walls have a milky Khaki or milky light brown color to them, and it was the lighting that I mentioned earlier that made it look like it was dark gold or something.

There are some long dark green leaves perching over the intersection of the walls coming together behind me at the base I'm at with the females. Because it's so tall (the artificial leaves), that's what shows the walls true color, that I mentioned in the last sentence.

The first female that I can recall is to the right of me, and she's wearing a white shirt with some gray colors mixed in. She has glasses as well, and has a pure mix of gray and white hair with a short hairstyle as well. She's light-skinned, light apricot color to be precise, and I believe she's looking at me or the dark-skinned lady that I mentioned before.

But I think that same dark-skinned lady is not really present, and now I'm with Whoopi Goldberg, who's wearing a loose black outfit with a swamp green color mixed with some gold lining going vertically along the buttons of the dress shirt.

Then there's another elderly woman that comes by, and she's fairly obese for her age. I noticed the other female to my left is obese as well, and there's a lot of sagging body parts for both of them.

I tried my best to just ignore my disgust with how they're looking, and their extremely tight shirts that seem to conform to every disturbing sagging body part for their torso. Apparently, to them, this body form of theirs is beautiful, but I still find that VERY HARD to grasp. I just keep my mouth shut, and then I can't recall what happens next.

_________________________

11.18.2012

Dude with Measure Tape Tongue (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

All I remember for this dream is a guy with a measuring tape tongue.

He has dirty blonde hair, and I swear he's familiar, like a variant of someone that I saw before in my Chemistry 112 lecture course last semester last year as a freshmen. He's wearing a white dress shirt that has light skinny blue lines going vertical and horizontally, along with regular blue jeans, and probably black shoes.

He sticks his tongue out, and a measuring tape line is coming out.

_________________________

11.18.2012

Balancing Corona With My Feet (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

All I remember for this one is that I was holding a Corona bottle for someone. I didn't know who, but I did my best to balance it with my feet. I believe I was on a vehicle that's moving, and I couldn't let it the bottle get too far away from me, or else it would break.

I spend most of the time moving my feet, trying to keep it in place.

Then there's dream shift where my Zune HD is on a shelf along with someone's Black Ipod Video device to the left of it. The room inside with the shelves has a dark turquoise setting to it.

There was a non-lucid precursor to this dream, but I can hardly remember it now. The lucid dream was so long too, it felt like an hour.

As for classification, I would actually consider this an "epic lucid" with my epic dreams commonly being long non lucid dreams. It fits all of the classifications, and then being lucid.

The non-lucid precursor to the dream involved me getting set to a prison for supposedly murdering someone. The world had become like the book 1984, where you were supposedly monitored by anyone. My sentence was three years.
The prison was on an island, but I met up with this young Asian girl who tried to break me out by leading me across this boardwalk at night. On the first attempt, we were caught, but the second time, we broke out and walked back to my house.
When I got home, I walked in the door casually.
"Dad, I'm home from the death camp, two years early too."
It was around this time that I woke up.

I think that this was a DEILD

I reentered the dream somehow, and became lucid. The first thing that I remember doing was yelling "clarity" and touching things to stabilize the dream.
Every time that I yelled "clarity" the brightness would increase for a second or two, then return to normal. I yelled "permanent clarity" and the dream remained vivid and bright.
At first, I tried to find the girl that had helped me escape the prison. For some reason, I had become very attached to her. I tried conjuring her with the "behind the door trick", but I could no longer find her.
Then, for the longest time, I just walked around the house, feeling the surroundings and stabilizing the dream. I was touching door-frames and counter tops. I was kind of stumped on what to do, and I did not know what to make of my time.
The dream's recreation of my house was stunningly accurate. Once again, as I did in lucid dreams #3 and #7, I went around touching things and experimenting, trying to further stabilize and lengthen the dream time.
I can remember meeting my dad in the dream. He was in the family room, and as typical of lucid dreaming characters, he told me that lucid dreaming was bad and that nobody should ever do it.
Eventually, I went outside. At first I wanted to try flying, but later the reason became that nothing was happening. When I opened the door, there was nothing but a white void, as though the dream had not prepared for me to go outside. But things began to form around me. I could tell it was a city setting, but that It looked colorful and cartoonish.
I was able to minimally direct the creation of the outdoor city, but it was frustratingly hard to control. I frowned upon the cartoonish nature of the area, and decided that it would be fun to destroy the city, being lucid.
I looked around. All of the buildings were prominently labeled with their function. (Police station, Fire station, Post office, etc)
I decided to try the fire station first. I held up my hand, and a white laser beam shot out of my hand. It was not a powerful attack, but it pitted and gouged the outside of the building.
"Make the power level 50!" I'm not entirely certain why I said this. It seems to be that when I say something in a lucid dream, it does not get said in quite the way that I meant.
I tried again, and the laser was much more powerful this time. After I was satisfied with destroying the fire station, I targeted this group of dream characters. They looked like some sort of boy scout troop.
But this large, overweight woman emerged from the chaos. She had a very long nose, like a beak. She also had a purple dress, and she looked almost like some nightmare. (Keep in mind the cartoonish nature of this lucid dream)
Beak woman:"Stop that right now!"
Me:"But this is my dream, I can do anything without consequence!" (Like go on a destructive rampage shooting laser beams out of my hands.)
Beak woman:"You think that you can do anything without consequence?! That is not the case in your dreams!"
I could sense that this dream character was powerful, or at least telling one iota of truth. I wanted someone to back me up.
"Alright, where's Lia Manei?!"
Knowing that Lia is my dream guide, she would resolve the issue. This curtain rose at the end of the street,where there was some kind of stage, and she was wearing this broad red hat, and this facepaint over her mouth that made it look like she had a huge, almost creepy smile on. Though I've known her forever now, and I'm accustomed to these costume changes. She proceeded to teleport next to me.
"Lia Manei, This dream character thinks that there is a consequence to me doing whatever I want in a dream. What should we do?"
I said this confidently, knowing that she would take my side.
Lia Manei didn't reply, but proceeded to conjure a tree trunk and have it collapse onto the beak woman. When it fell, I saw her arms become really long, and her hands turned to black claws. She pushed the log off of her and she had become this nightmare monster.
I flew up into the air. I was ready to lash out and attack with my lasers again, but I remembered what it is better to do with nightmares.
"STOP! Your a nightmare! What do you represent?!"
The monster-woman shrank back down, and became a kitten. I flew back down, where Lia Manei had already picked up the kitten and tried to open the cat's mouth to illicit some sort of response. I woke up at that moment.

So yeah, that's it. I skimped on a lot of detail in the beginning, mainly because the dream was so long, and It would have been too long to actually remember it all. But the ending portion, is in my opinion, more interesting than all else.

Can't remember much from this one except I was wandering round some church grounds where there was this girl who was quite pretty but had some facial hair! She was a grounds keeper there and was listening to music from a portable C.D player while she worked. I remember us talking but not what was said.
The dream changed and I was then talking to an acquaintance (who I've always suspected of being gay) about this gay acquaintance I know who is actually openly gay. He was saying how amazing he thought he was & I was attempting to match make them! Odd considering I'm not gay myself.
Anyway all I remember next is there being some sort of party and people wandering around a street then some black dude called me a batty man, no wonder if I'm having dreams like this!

I think I triggered a lucid dream when for some reason I woke up at 4:30 this morning, and returned to bed an hour later. The first event I remember was a feeling of shock relating to becoming lucid which caused me to open 1 eye, nearly causing me to wake up. However I closed my eye and somehow managed to get the dream back. I wasn't feeling very inspired so I tried to put a google image search with Mii from Popotan floating from left to right as my visual component. Initially the left half was blacked out since I opened my eye, but I quickly got that half working again. That was followed by entering "the void" and leaving by replacing it with my computer desktop. Unfortunately someone was being loud in the next room distracting me causing me to reenter the void, and waking me up.

i was skateboarding near my brothers new house. all good fun but was finding it impossible to even walk up hills. then we decided to go out for the night. the first place we went to didnt serve booze but it had good looking food and great looking juice things served in massive fish bowl type things. i ate a hot samosa and it was incredibly realistic. we decided to go to manchester for a drink and a party. when we got there we went to my mates (Fi) work who said we were really early for the party but it didnt matter.

Was working at the local supermarket, as i still am, with a friend of mine who was a little strange. I clearly recognised the supermarket but i have no idea who that "friend" was. All went well until that friend started acting very oddly. He stole something from me, i have no idea what he stole but i had to chase him through the entire supermarket to get it back. Luckely there were no customers or things would've gotten very complicated. After retrieving what was mine i had to deal with more stupid things he did and i started to hate him. Eventually our workshift ends and i go home gladly.

Only had a meager 6 hours of sleep. so i only remember a fragment in which i meet an old classmate, who somehow drops a lot of money. I try to bring it back to him but on the way i meet people who warn me about him, telling me he would scam me. I was confused because i hadn't known him like that back in the days, and kept looking anyway, confident everything would be fine. I didn't recognise anything other than the classmate and the dream ended.

Well this entire dream fragment takes place in a rather strange setting. There is a small park behind my house the a playground, a pond, and a basketball court with some picnic tables. The whole area is probably half of a mile squared. So not very large at all, in fact I can see the park in its entirety from my back steps. But in my dream, this place was very large and twisted. I knew that it was supposed to be the same place but it really didn't look right. I'm kicking myself for not becoming lucid. Anyways, enough with the setting and on with the dream. There is some sort of party or gathering going on here that I am thrust into the center of. I recognise I few people from waking life, two girls I know in particular. I am talking to one of these girls, lets call her Jane. So we are having a long conversation with lots of people in the background doing something. Seems like they were just walking around mostly. I wish I could remember the conversation verbatim, but all I can say for sure was that it was of a romantic nature. She leaves up some wooden stairs set in a large hill (neither of these things exist in waking life) and I follow her. While following her, I lose track of her in run into the other girl that I know. She asks me if I remember her, and I say of course I do. We have a conversation and I can't remember anything after I meet her. I really should have written this down when I woke up this morning but I had to go to the store.

Recently, I've found that it's not the content of the dream that makes it interesting, It's the clarity. Generally more vivid dreams are more logical and interesting. Blurry and choppy ones are less interesting.

I had survived some sort of apocalypse, and was the last human alive. The only other living thing that I remember seeing was this hamster or something that I was holding in my hand.
I was in the yard of a house. The windows were broken and the house looked decayed. The yard was overgrown with grass and weeds.
I knew that I was the last person on earth, and I realized that I should find things to help me survive. I decided to start collecting everything that I could find.
I noticed that there was garbage everywhere, and for some reason, I thought that collecting metal would be a good idea because I could melt it down and make tools.
I began filling a garbage can with aluminum cans and pieces of scrap metal. Then some other survivor humans showed up. I can't remember their intentions or actions.

I then found a water tower, and rigged some device that allowed me to pump running water into the tower.

I can remember eventually I started flying over the landscape. I can remember there were a few scattered mountains, but most of the landscape was either suburbs or forests.
Eventually I found a mountain carved into the shape of the hamster. At around this point, I woke up.

As I continue to ask the people in my dreams about God, I found myself outside a very nice, old Victorian style house. The sun was coming through one of the windows, and the grounds around the home was full with beautiful trees. It certainly seemed to be a local that of somewhere in the Southern American states, given the rolling hills and lush trees. I peered through the glass panes on the white front-door and looked around. It was an open living room with a vast area, a black leather couch and two chairs around a coffee table were to the right. The opening to the smaller sized kitchen behind the seating area. I was afraid to enter, and said before starting to open the door, "Is God here? Do you know where God is." At this point I feel it very necessary to state the fact to any readers out there that about 3 and 1/2 or so years ago, following a particular instance, I...lost my emotions? I, lost my connection, my real and deep connection to God. I started having lucid dreams nightly, and saw demons, hell and even Satan several times. The demons suggested I kill myself, and sleeping nightly ALWAYS included vast amounts of vodka. Even with which, I had to sleep on the bathroom floor with the fan on to get any kind of sleep. Following an actual excorcism, the nightly demons were gone (though they are still there, they do not "torment" me as directly), yet the lucid dreams are still a constant. Over time, I have learned how lucid dreaming works. Not asking specifics (at first anyway, though now I'm able to stop myself from waking up when asking specific questions like names, locations, ages and such), how to literally fall into lucidity by testing speaking and moving my limbs while dreaming, and things like this. I should have started writing these things down long ago, but at least I've started now.

Back to the dream. I slowly opened the door and saw four men (late 20's/early 30's) sitting at the couch and chairs. I asked again, "Do you know where I can find God?" And the black guy said, "I saw how fearfully you came in here. I would have done it fearfully as well." with a smile. Another white guy said, "You mean the big baby? Why would you want to go see the big baby?" I said, "Do you know how I can find God?" "I know of about 3 people who can get you there without getting zapped. You get 2 hotdogs if you go see God!" I asked how I can be with God. He lost the snarkiness and said, "Just love Him. Out of your free-will." I told him that I can't feel emotions anymore, that I only feel afflicted. He didn't respond. I started walking around the house, and looking out the windows. The trees were very large, green and the sun looked very beautiful through the window. I sat down next to what looked like a demon/dead person, but he wasn't scary really. His eyes were recessed and around his eyes were blood-colored rings, and the flesh on the tip of his nose was beginning to fall away. Below his neck was a split, almost as though he was split in half. He had a 1930's style gangster hat, and we started talking. He said, "If you are seeking wisdom, learn to get the pieces one at a time. Realize that you have natural responses to things that make you angry. Like even if a puppy poops on your shoe you're going to get upset." I told him that "I never seek revenge (which has been a life-long truth)" and he responded, "Revenge? Like when you're sitting at a red-light and someone hits you and kills you and all the thousands of strands of your existence are pulled apart?" I thought he was getting angry so I started to get out of the chair but doing so woke me up.

All I remember from my dream is that I was being told by my mum that if I wanted a new cat, I had to get rid of my current one. This saddened me as I remembered putting two other cats outside and never letting them in again (these were false memories, I have never done that and the cats were never pets I had had.) and I picked up my current cat (my real life current cat) and I remembered stuff about her, and begged my mum to let me keep her too. I was in a strange house with wooden furniture. I never looked at my mum. I remember there being a pool.*

I woke up at 3:00 am, trying to perform a WBTB, and I was scree shitless with no idea what the noise was. I picked up my bedside fan and started shaking it, thinking it was making the noise, until I remembered it was my alarm. I couldn't remember any dreams and I went back to sleep, forgetting I am meant to stay up.

I also remember there being some girls from my school, one called emily, *that looked like they were dressed for madi Gras, and really tall.

Shin told me that I went to the Mindscape and chilled for a bit, and that I turned the sand of the beach purple. He says that I kind of chilled for a bit with the Tulpae, drank some drinks from the vending machine, then left suddenly. That must have been when my alarm clock went off. FUCK. I didn't remember any of it. It was pretty cool when Shin showed me how I entered. A crack opened up in the sky and he reached in and pulled me out, and put me into my mindscape body, and I looked at him and said "Hey Shin." he told me that I said something like "I have realized, my emotions are trapped up somewhere. I can feel sense them but not feel them."

I'm in my grandparents' house (my father's parents), yet somehow the house looks messed up and the rooms are bigger and contain strange tools...suddenly, I see my 2 cousins S&K in a trap by Jigsaw..they are hanged from their upper bodies and they have to get their hands in a device that will cut/crush them or in 30 second their legs will be cut....unfortunately, they lose and the device cut their legs...they fall on the floor n start spitting blood and then they die (sorry for being graphical, but it was even worse in the dream)
next scene...I'm in the bedroom (same house) and the furniture is the same as in real life this time..then my cousins are behind me, I say: how come you're alive???!! they say that this is a new episode so everyone lives again..
I was afraid Jigsaw would put me in a trap...but after what they said, I was a little relieved.

Frags:

• I'm trying to read something, but the words are out of focus. I try switching glasses, but it doesn't help.