All DJ Entries

1. I've taken the day off to go shopping with the parents. We go to a Wal-Mart, and as usual I start goofing off. However, I soon find myself in a section of the store I've never visited before. It's a "premium" section, one for the extremely rich, even though the prices are still advertised as rollback (Fuck me, another failed text RC). They're selling things like ultralight airplanes and antique cars, but in the back I find a couple of Tour de France level bicycles. The first one I try has the wheels attached backwards, making it impossible to use, but the second is allright. I take it and start riding around the store with the wind in my hair, and feel silly but happy.
As I ride back to return the bike, my cell phone goes off (with the RL ringtone). I pull it out of my shorts, but with only one hand on the wheel I have no way to control what happens next. I crash through two panes of heavy glass in the back of the store, and stumbling from the wreckage fall over a plane! The manager comes up, angrily demanding that we pay, but my Dad only has $400 on him. I start to freak out.

2. I'm answering questions on Twocansandstring.com (an awesome website), when someone asks about spinach and Popeye. I start to answer, but wander outside to underneath a tree at my research station. V and one of the grad students wander over to me. V makes awkward small talk as the grad student strokes her, and I feel extreme jealousy.

3. Las Vegas has become a post-apocalyptic wasteland ruled by pop-punk style overlords. The streets, however, are filled with legions of metalhead zombies. Something happens to one of the rulers, and I see the teeming throngs rise up to take back control of the city.

1. I'm completely out of money at a mall, so I get my dad to give me some quarters. I then take these to go play DDR at an arcade. I'm able to find a freestyle hands-and-feet mode (menu is in text, so failed RC) and happily punch in to play. I am disappointed, though, since the interface isn't the clean shining one I know and love. The whole thing is grainy, and there are no arrows, only solid streams of pixels for notes. I enjoy the techno nonetheless, performing for my parents and some random guy, and I get a high score. As I enter my name in all caps into the machine, my dad makes a wisecrack about how freestyle should be "horse behind the ass" style.

2. Mom is having an affair with some man in New England. She hides it for a while, but eventually she's found out to be pregnant and everything turns to shit.

I took a nap between 11:30 am and 1 pm, and this is my dream I had.

My dad took my sister and I to a place out in the desert. It was nighttime there. We had to work for my dad. He was throwing a giant party for the US army. I can't remember which one, though. A sergeant was standing beside my dad. I was told to stand at the front door, show my "badge" to the people, and tell them where to go. My sister was just supposed to hold the door open on the other side of the building.

Later on, we were in a different place, like in my room at my dads house. It was just a bit brighter. My older sister and her friend were doing a little dance to some cheap music in front of us with dress up clothes. Lol. How funny that was. They walked slowly into a closet, and they never came out. My big sister's robe of some type got hung on the door as she was walking away, and I pulled it off. I just then noticed that my guy friend Mike was there. I think he said, "I dreamt of being superman last night." After hearing this, somehow it didn't occur to me that I might be dreaming. "Spiderman." I replied. (I actually thought I had dreamed of spiderman? What the heck?) "Or this." I indicated to the robe in my hands. (It seemed oddly familiar). Then I must have woken up.

06/16/2010

The problem with world-class assassins is that everyone wants to kill each other.



An old woman hums tunelessly, pushing her squeaking cart along the grey-flecked tiles. Her nails tap tap tap against the stainless steel handle, along with a beat only she can hear. She slows the cart down, the wheels shrieking their protest, and smiles at the young man behind the desk, pointing to the ID clipped to her shoulder. He glances up, looking bored, and barely glances at the ID before waving her along.

The hospital room is single-occupancy, dim and empty except for the bedridden patient. He wakes up from a doze, looks at the woman in scrubs as she enters the room. She slides a platter off of the food cart and slides it onto the tray sitting across his bed.

"How are you feeling, Mr. Burke?" The woman smiles.

"Horrible," he manages, glancing up blearily as she injects something into his IV. "Anything good to eat?"

"Of course, dear. There's tuna sandwiches, if you like those."

He perks up a bit, and nibbles at the sandwich. It's decent for hospital food, he decides. He'll be glad to get back to his normal life, with four-course dinners and world-class chefs.

The woman is still there when he finishes the sandwich. "That was actually pretty good," he tells her.

"Well, it is my own special recipe."

His mouth is dry, and he can feel his heart beating faster. Burke frowns. He's sweating. "Excuse me," he says, "But could you get a doctor? I think the symptoms are coming back."

The woman is unhooking the machines monitoring his vital status.

"Don't worry," she says. "It has nothing to do with your heart attack, Mr. Burke." She smiles kindly at him. "My special recipe is called Chalk Tuna. The compounds I've used in your sandwich are reacting with the drugs in your IV. It's untraceable, almost completely undetectable during an autopsy... rather brilliant, if I do say so myself."

Burke's fingers twitch. He wants to reach for the button, to call a nurse, call anyone, but he can't move. He tries to shout, but his mouth won't open, his voice won't work. An icy sensation begins to crawl in from his extremities, cold and burning at the same time.

"It's also a paralyzing substance," the woman muses, "and it's an incredibly painful way to die."

She smiles fondly down at the man seizing on the bed. "Have a nice day, Mr. Burke."

The cart begins its squeaking journey back to the elevator. Burke shuts his eyes and tries to scream.

---

Matilda has approximately four minutes to return the cart and exit the hospital. After that time, the real nurse will make her rounds and find Mr. Burke dead, the machines having shorted out due to faulty wiring. The doctors will attempt to resuscitate him, but the poison in his veins will prevent this from taking effect. There will be questions for the young man at the desk in front of the elevator, but Matilda plans to disappear long before any suspicion can fall on her.

Without a suspect or a murder weapon, the incident will be written off as a simple heart attack, and Mr. Burke's son will inherit his company.

Stepping out into the sunlight of the alley, Mathilda allows herself a moment to bask in the enjoyment of a job well done. She feels a shift in the air, a chill, and a blade burrowing into her skull.

I sheathe the wrist-blade and let the body fall, watching impassively as the infamous assassin kicks up dust on the dry ground. She twitches slightly, extending a hand in a clawing motion before going still.

I leave the body where it is. There's sure to be a complicated frame-up job involving several people who want to take power, but I've done my part. As long as Matilda is dead, I can get out of here and -

I'm throwing myself to the side. A line of throwing knives hit the brick behind me. I take cover, diving behind a dumpster, throwing a fireball in the direction of my attacker.



He's on the roof across from me, I reason. I came down from the hospital fire escape, but he was hidden by shadows - damn! I don't have an escape route, and we need to get out of here before they start looking for Burke's killer. Unfortunately, the owner of those throwing knives is not someone to be reasoned with.

"Simon?" I shout, stepping out from my hiding place. He's on the roof. "I didn't know you were in town."

"Everyone's in town, Sam!" That's Simon, all right. He looks giddy, sounds like he's on a sugar high. The man's more of a sociopath than I am. "Haven't you heard?"

"Yes." Goddamned council didn't even ask before invading my city.

"And you got Matilda first! I've been wanting to take her down for ages."

"Creepy?" I ask.

"Creepy." He confirms.

My fingers twitch, ready to call up another fireball. Simon tracks the movement, and I change my mind. "Simon," I say, "Would you like to play a game?"

His face splits into a grin. "First to a hundred?" He asks.

"I was thinking the whole conference."

Simon laughs. "I like the way you think," his smile widens even further. "Shame I'm gonna have to kill you."

He lifts up a hand and I'm running before he presses the button. I round the corner and the alley explodes.

I love my job.

---



I'm on top of a mountain, looking down on the valley. The city is sprawled out below. I take a breath, feel the cool mountain breeze drifting through my lair.

Some days, it pays to be evil.

I turn around to where my mom and dad are sitting at a stone table, looking around and seeming confused. My brother is there, too, but he just looks hungover.

I go to sit across from them at the table. My mom's eyes narrow as she gets her bearings, and I can feel her light-based aura sparking unpleasantly. I try not to flinch.

"It's in our best interests," I say carefully, "to wipe out all of the assassins as quickly as possible. They'll be gathering at the convention centre. Now, we can't all go in -"

"Why is that, exactly?" my mom snaps.

I roll my eyes. "You're a Reader. They'll spot Your Holiness from a mile away."

"How exactly did you get into this mess?" asks my dad.

I paint a look of surprise onto my face. "You mean you don't know?" I ask incredulously. "Our family - your side of the family - have been Assassins going back hundreds of years! Well," I trail off, "The last one was in the sixteenth century." Good times, as I recall. Reincarnation can be so much fun.

My mom's aura is sparking angrily. I try to ignore it.

"Look, we need to wipe as many people out in one swoop as we can." I have a thought.

"Mom... isn't your cousin doing the catering?" I ask.

She looks at me suspiciously. "He is. Why?"

I let a smile form. "Have you ever heard of Chalk Tuna?"

Conferences. Scare Factor: 4.

So ends the 100th post special edition of Things to Run Away From Really Fast! I've been meaning to write this up for ages...

The only thing I can remember from last night's dream is that I had an extra pair of running shoes. They were orange.

Non-lucid Part
In my dream there was a swimming pool.
I was swimming and it was half a pool half an ocean. The water was salty. There was a brick wall that I was near, which I think marked the boundary of land and ocean. It kind of jutted up from the water. Whenever a wave passed through I was afraid that I (or someone) may hit their head on the corner of the brick wall, but JS assured me that it was safe. The people in the pool (maybe about 20) were playing all sorts of games where they would react to different situations. One of the situations was armageddon-type where an asteroid or somteing would hit Earth. Everyone dived down under the water as deep as they could. This was probably about 8 metres. I couln't swim under though for some reason, and the seconds until impact was counting down in the fom of some erupting water thing on the side.
However I think I eventually managed to and there was Marieke Hardy and the Doctor from Triple J (a radio station) and we were discussing her legging colours. She was wearing stripy black and white leggings.

I had ran there with someone, I cannot remember who, after being on the bus with MB. She didn't want to run the path with me (which went uphill and through the woods) because she didn't orka.
I ran the path and came to this uphill bit and decided to run up it fast whilst the other person just watched. There were these joggers in the way though and I had to say "Excuse me! " to get them to move and they did but unfortunately at the same time a car was driving downwards so we all had to give way to the car and I fell off the hill (jumped) and had to do it again.

I woke up here, and then I fell asleep again.

Lucid Part
Holy shit.
I had a lucid dream.
I am just starting to remember it now. Maybe I didn't? It is hard to tell because it is so unclear and fuzzy...I can just remember checking my hands. I also know that there was some kind of factory and also my sister was in it. Argh ...@#$@#$&^#$

Shit yeah I'm starting to remember bits now! At first I thought I was dreaming but then I didn't have much control over what I was doing. And then I checked my hands again and could walking around more freely and stuff. I think that this is separate from when I didn't have much control; that it is a "better part" of lucid dreaming.

I got into the car with AK and DM and we were driving along the freeway and I was like, "Hey AK you should try to make the car fly!". It was awesome because she managed to do it. It was so fun. The car just started pulling upwards and going in the air. And then lots of other cars did this and we were like "Hey they're copying us >: (" hahaha. We drove to the factory and that part must've been pretty unlucid.

I think before this, I was back in Australind and thought "I could try to do a backflip" and utilise my ability to float x)
My dad thought it was super dangerous but that's because he didn't know I was dreaming I did it several times and it was fun. I also thought whilst in the dream that perhaps you could use lucid dreams to practice stuff you did in real life, like sports and stuff like that. I am unsure about this.

Whilst I was running somewhere, I took note of how real the sensations felt as compared to being awake.

Hmm. Even though it was lucid, it was so unclear that perhaps I was only dreaming that I had a lucid dream or something like that, lol.
Hopefully it will be clearer next time!

A house from start to finish.

Before me is a hole in the ground, a basement that's just been dug in the middle of a field. On the other side of the basement are my mom and dad (who I work for), talking to a customer. I have to crawl under the sheets of poly to make it to the other side.

I'm in the same location, but it's shifted to become some sort of self-sufficient compound. I'm a new character, older. I feel a timer go off in my head, telling me it's time to begin classes. I'm a teacher.

Houses. Scare Factor: 1.

1. I'm reading (Failed RC) an advertisement for some sort of new pen and paper RPG. The class system is based around kitchen tools, with knives, can openers, nutcrackers, and even rolling pins getting mentions. Each of them has a fanciful history based on a real-world group; I think the nutcrackers are Russian mobsters?

2. I'm traveling in Canada with some friends and take a lunch break. I get very angry, as the only available shops are two Burger Kings on either side of the street, and both of them are selling a mixture of disgusting seafood instead of burgers.

3. I'm with my family on a shopping trip to Wal-Mart. We buy several things, including a ceramic piggy bank, a cute figurine, and a diabetes tester for dogs. All failed RCs, of course.

I was sitting on a chair in my house at night.

"Huh," I said to myself, "I'm dreaming. Cool."

I got up and walked out the door to my front lawn. It was a nice night, clear and warm. My dad followed me, but kind of sticking to the background.

I decided that I would like to try to fly. I spread my arms and jumped up, ready to take flight. Nothing happened. I tried again. Nothing. I was kind of annoyed, but not really, because these beautiful glowing lights were flying around.

They were small colored lights, orange and pink and blue and green. They were shaped like flowers (a dot of light in the middle with five dots of light surrounding it) but they were flying around around me. For a minute, it was hard to see because there were so many of them. When they cleared away, I looked across the street.

There were these huge Easter eggs on the ground. Not as large as a house, maybe half or three quarters that size. They were beautifully decorated, painted with gold and pink and blue... they were amazing. I walked across to them, and saw some people I knew there. By this time, I had basically lost lucidity. I started talking to them, and I can't remember anything more.

I was sitting on a chair in my house at night.

"Huh," I said to myself, "I'm dreaming. Cool."

I got up and walked out the door to my front lawn. It was a nice night, clear and warm. My dad followed me, but kind of sticking to the background.

I decided that I would like to try to fly. I spread my arms and jumped up, ready to take flight. Nothing happened. I tried again. Nothing. I was kind of annoyed, but not really, because these beautiful glowing lights were flying around.

They were small colored lights, orange and pink and blue and green. They were shaped like flowers (a dot of light in the middle with five dots of light surrounding it) but they were flying around around me. For a minute, it was hard to see because there were so many of them. When they cleared away, I looked across the street.

There were these huge Easter eggs on the ground. Not as large as a house, maybe half or three quarters that size. They were beautifully decorated, painted with gold and pink and blue... they were amazing. I walked across to them, and saw some people I knew there. By this time, I had basically lost lucidity. I started talking to them, and I can't remember anything more.

My dad has taken the family out to the farm, but he needs to go back into town. I drive a regular-sized car to show him the way, but he's driving a massive tractor or threshing machine. Eventually we arrive in town, and for some reason pull into a construction zone. Dad starts to pull monster truck rally tricks with his vehicle, and continues without interference until quitting time for the construction workers. They kick us out, and we have to return the vehicles to the farm.

The dream begins in an animated style, borrowing from the Arthur cartoons on PBS. Arthur has just moved to a new city and joined a swim team, but he just lost his swim shoes in the water filtration system. A maintenance man digs for them in the machinery, but he just can't find them. Arthur runs from the swim club in anger, exclaiming that "It's only been four days!" since he moved into the town.

As he leaves, the dream switches into live action and first-person, and I view a large and bustling cityscape. Streetcars full of people pass by; along their tops are emblazoned the names of famous authors (Marcel Proust, for example) and my friends (text, so YET ANOTHER failed RC). I excitedly hit the streets and head to a nearby cafe. When I stand in line, however, I realize that all the signs are in a foreign script and all the patrons speaking a foreign tongue. Unnerved, I head back onto the street, and in a daze wander to a market. A smog descends on the dream, and I recall exotic (but pleasant) smells from the stalls and headscarf-clad shoppers.

Luckily, I find my mom also in the market. She clarifies that I'm in the country of Turkey and reunites me with my brother and dad. She also seems to have an excellent grasp of Islamic law, for as we're about to enter a shop where we can see women, she holds us back and goes in first to make sure it's alright. She encourages the family to "act Canadian" and respect their customs (a behavior not at all like real life).

I was sitting in the back of the car while my dad was driving the car. The windows were rolled down and the wind was blowing all around in the car. For some reason, I started smoking a bowl, but I was nervous my dad would smell the marijuana. Then a cop pulled up behind us with his lights on. I can't really remember what happened after that, but the next thing I do remember is two cops and my dad having a conversation. They were telling my dad about how they just busted a girl for marijuana. They took it out and it was one huge bud (probably 6 inches long) in a large plastic bag. They passed it to the back where I looked at it with my brother. For some reason, I felt nervous holding it and didn't want it so I quickly gave it back. Then the cops asked my dad if he had gotten his car back and he answered no because he hadn't gotten it fixed. The cops looked at each other and looked at my dad like they were all in on a secret but my brother and I didn't know.

We were at my dads house. It was dad's house but a few things looked different. We were getting ready to play a game were we were going to shoot each other with guns. I wasn't nervous at all. We were playing with these people that I knew but I cannot remember them now. We were getting ready to play, so they left to go hide. We started looking for our guns in a cabinet but couldn't find them. So instead I got some knifes. I remember I got a pocket knife made out of material that resembled the Mac. We never played the game because we couldn't find the guns. So as I was going downstairs, someone was creeping up the stairs so I leaned over the stairs and cut him lightly on the hand. Then I went downstairs. My brother was sitting at the dinner table and my dad was in the kitchen. I asked where Bobby was and my brother jokingly told me he had left. My dad called Tyler out on his lie and Tyler chuckled. Then my dad brought out a puzzle and said we were going to play the war game with the puzzle and a bunch of different "lotteries."

Misha Collins advances his plans for world domination. Parents do not approve.

So, I'm sitting on the couch in our old apartment in Ixburg. My dad and I are making fun of an awful movie we rented, which makes for the majority of our father/kid bonding time. Minus work, of course.

The phone rings.

My dad picks up the cordless, and I can hear the voice on the other end, asking for Jack. I recognize the voice and make a grab for the phone, but my dad holds it out of reach. Why is everyone taller than me?

"Who's calling?"

It's Misha, says the voice on the other end. My dad scowls and hangs up on him.

"What?" I say, waving my arms. "Why would you do that?" I snatch the phone away and look at the call display, then throw him the phone and stomp off to my room.

I send a text to the number I read on call display.

Yeah, sorry about that. You should probably just call my cell.

Telephone. Scare Factor: 1.

This is getting out of hand.

I was amused to note that my tag cloud this morning said "boring sex".

I go grocery shopping in the kitchen.

I'm cooking dinner for my family, but I'm missing a few ingredients. Fortunately, our kitchen is in the middle of a grocery store.

I run around the grocery store, grabbing vegetables mostly. I'm very happy when I actually manage to find some sesame seeds (which are in short supply around here).

I start scanning the items through an empty checkout, but one of the employees says she needs to help me with that. We try to figure out if we should scan the eggplant, which has already finished cooking.

I'm in the living room of my oma's old house in Ixburg. We're playing a game that's kind of like pictionary or sharades, except you're writing keywords on a chalkboard. My dad throws a VCR tape of Star Wars under the chalkboard, and I try to remember what the rules are.

"Dutch word for 'father'", I write on the chalkboard. My teammates don't get it.

ETA: Also, a Sailor Moon-related fragment. Serenity may have been involved. I don't know; something was trying to destroy the world again.

Eggplant. Scare Factor: 1.