side notes

Black means non lucid
Orange means semi lucid
Blue means lucid
Red means dream characters talking
Purple means possible shared dreaming person
Green means notes

Got it? Great! Now enjoy as always.

Dream #1 Large indoor mall.

Im in some huge indoor mall. There is a water fountain i passed up, and i decide to stop nearby and have a seat at a empty bench. There are a ton of different nationalities of people just shopping and passing by looking at different stores. I hear very soft music (That they always seem to play in malls) and reach in my pocket to grab my totem. Im looking around at everything, the people the stores just being a casual observer.

Dream #2 Was that Kaomea?

Im now walking outside of the mall and it feels like 75 degrees out and very windy. It is a nice breeze, in fact everything looks so warm and tranquil. I wonder about the location im in..as it does not look like Detroit anymore. I don't really question anything too much..just sort of walking around rubbing my hawk coin totem. I then look over at a young lady who looked to be in her early 20's and looked Asian or possibly Hawaiian. She was sitting down on a bench on her laptop computer, and then i noticed a very familier face. "Kaomea"? I look over and see Kaomea leaned against a building looking down at her celphone txting someone. She was wearing some baby blue jeans and a white t shirt that had some sort of designs on it, and had her hair down and wearing some white sneakers. There were a few other ladies nearby. "KAOMEA!" She looks up looking around, i am now being grabbed by the arm by a woman who was white with long black hair in a ponytail, sunglasses, about 5'5, was wearing a suit and spoke with an accent. We are walking to a parking lot now as she tells me to get in the backseat.

"We don't have time for that right now!"
"Who the hell are you?"
"Just in the car, i'll explain it while we drive."
Im now in the backseat of the car looking at all the buildings, and staring out the window to see if i see Kaomea. I spot her talking to a group of friends (I believe they were friends of hers)

Final dream: Zoom zooming thru the city.

Im riding with the same woman. As she is weaving thru traffic in one of those sports cars. She is telling me that she is from Athens Greece, and that we have to take care of a few things first then i can meet my friends or whoever i want to meet. She is explaining to me about a device that needs to be recovered, because it is in the wrong hands at the moment. She also mentioned to me about being able to track down some men, and that my help would be very valuble. She gives me a celphone and tells me to call her when im ready for the job. I pull up to my 2nd home and walk up to the door and see the woman speeding off, And i wake up.

Notes: I am still wondering if that was Kaomea i seened. As i am positive that it must've been her. I am growing more impatient with all of these distractions from all of these damn DCs! Looks like some intense subconscious training is in the works for me today.

Starting up my dream journal ASAP, will try to put as much as I can into it

This morning I awoke still not remembering anything. Last night I was not as focused and had dramatically less effort was given. I felt the night before I was too focused and too excited I was not able to sleep. I was not surprised when I did not remember anything. This morning however. I haven't really fallen to sleep at any reasonable hours. After smoking marijuana several times a day this may also affect my ability to remember my dreams. We will find out. Also I plan on not sleeping until after my class tomorrow morning (14 May 2012). Also I have been taking vyvanse.

Notes:

-An alarm or sudden wakening may help to remember dreams.

-Television on have any affect on dreams? (haven't left on yet)

-Maybe fall asleep at a normal time. (have been around 4-6AM)

-Nap may increase chances of lucidity.

-Wake up early, after an hour go back to sleep.

-Start writing in dream journal right after awakening.

Black means non lucid
Orange means semi lucid
Blue means lucid
Red means dream characters talking
Purple means possible shared dreaming person
Green means notes

Got it? Great! Now grab a snack or something and enjoy!

Dream #1 Don't wake the sleeping monster.

Im in some house in a kitchen looking for something to eat, when a lady (Possibly Italian)
Walks in and starts telling me careful not to wake the sleeping monster. Im pondering who exactly is this sleeping monster and ask her.
"Uh...who is the sleeping monster and where is he?"
"Oh no, it is not a he..it is a she." And she, is my daughter.
"Uh..so your daughter is a monster?"
"Only if you wake her."

Now feeling a bit afraid to even be in that house, the lady assures me to stay and that she is off to go shopping. She asks me to stay because of something about me meeting some people or something. (Damn i should've did a reality check)

So i decide to fix me some cereal and i accidently drop a spoon on the floor and it was LOUD!
"RAAAWWWWWEWRRRR!"

I froze as i hear it coming from a bed room. I hear footsteps sounding like a 808 drum walking towards the kitchen. The whole house shakes and glasses and plates fall off of the counter, i am trying to hold my balance and keep from falling. I hear the footsteps getting closer. I turn my head towards where the footsteps were coming from i look.

Its only a barefoot hot teenage blond girl in pink booty shorts and a white sports bra.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS ALL THIS NOISE OUT HERE!?"
"Oh, im sorry its just th.."
"Stay here."
"Huh?"
"STAY HERE!!!"
The windows shatter and car alarms go off when she yelled.
(Gulp) "k..."
I remember her coming back with a long whip and chasing me around the house until i woke up. =/ (Damn i was such a pussy in that dream!)

Dream #2 Chess the game of life.

Im in some huge temple or empty church, sitting at the very center across from a man who looked like a Guru or a guide of some sort. He had long grey hair down to his stomach area, He looked possibly Indian, had a long grey silky shiny grey beard he kept stroking each time he made his move. And wore a long white and red robe, with stripes on the shoulder parts. We sat in chairs across form eachother playing on this medium size table. There were animals in the temple walking around casually like nothing. There were deers, lions, tigers, bears, panthers, monkeys, and all kinds of birds just fying around in this huge temple we were in. It was as if every animal in there was tame, and was just as calm and were just roaming around the temple. I remembered a wolf came up next to the table and i petted it on the head, And a hawk came and landed on the Guru's shoulder while we played.

He was explaining to me, about chess being the game of the Gods, and how it relates to life. He mentioned something else to me about, how chess pertains to life, and the paths that we come across while meeting certain people. I remembered moving different pieces and he would tell me to really examine each move i make, as it pertains to life.

I don't really remember what else was said. But i did wake from that dream feeling like i learned something new.

Final dream fragment: Twin flames/Twin spirits

Don't really remember much here. Only talking with a Native American woman about Twin flames/Twin spirits. (Wish i would've remembered more)

Notes: The second dream really had alot meaning in it. And even though i was not lucid in any of these dreams, i am still happy with what i got. Only wish i would've remembered more of the third dream. As i am aware of Twin flames/Twin spirits.

Didn't have a very good night's rest last night. I don't really remember any of my dreams, either. I did, however, have a lucid dream. All I remember is doing the noseplug reality check, being surprised that I was actually dreaming, and waking up almost immediately. I didn't even have enough time to stabilize. I also think that I was a lot calmer than usual, so I must be getting used to it. I'm getting closer and closer~

Well, now it's my turn to have a stomach bug. Thankfully my daughter's sickness only lasted a day, so I'm hoping mine will be gone by tonight as well On the downside, I was up until 3 am sick, then I got to bed, but woke back up around 7 and couldn't go back to sleep yet. On the bright side, the belly ache is sort of helping with getting lucid. I think the pain was waking me up enough to get lucid but not enough to actually wake me up, if that makes sense. I'm typing up my lonely fragment from those three hours, and when my husband gets home in half an hour or so I'm going back to bed. Hopefully I'll have more to add to this entry when I wake up. I'm feeling like I'm on a real roll right now. After going over a month with no lucidity, I've suddenly been lucid to some degree for three nights in a row. I don't want it to ever end! lol

Dream One (Fragment): Through out the whole dream I hover between lucid and non lucid. I can't remember what happened during the non lucid parts because it's my first dream of the night. I can remember realizing, I'm dreaming. I'm lucid! Then I see a puppet version of an old man. It looks like a cross between that ventriloquist dummy on tv and the old men from the Muppet movie I watched last night. He starts talking about neighbors like Mr. Rogers and I feel lucidity slipping. I literally feel like I'm fighting to stay lucid, but I end up drifting off anyways. I get another wave of lucidity as someone offers me his hand. I realize I'm dreaming. I look first at the room, it's a ball room similar to the one in beauty and the beast. It feels very romantic, and I can recall being lucid earlier in the dream so I wonder if I'm with K. I turn to look at the man holding my hand. I see my own blue dress like Cinderella and my hand in his, then I look up to see his face (I'm 5 feet tall, I always have to look up to everyone, lol) But just as I try to look at his face my head feels heavy like I'm falling. I reach up with my empty hand to touch my head as if to catch myself and step forwards to maintain my balance, but the dream goes black and fades away to the sound of the neighbors car alarm going off at 5:30 am.

Dream Two (Fragment): I realize I'm dreaming. I don't know why I realized, I just did. I see a white cloth flapping in the wind. It looks like a bed sheet. I wonder why that's all I can see, and guess it's because it's an early dream. I'm startled awake by my daughter crying that she's falling. Thankfully, she's not really falling, she's in her bed, right in the center. I find myself wondering what kind of dream she was having, because I've been getting that falling sensation after a lucid ends lately. My husband got home at 9:30, so I went back to bed.

My husband got home at 9:30, so I took a three hour nap (had to be up at 12:30 so I could write this and hopefully find my way into the chat for the dream view academy class.) I slept hard because the stomach ache is gone, not much to report on dreams, just more fragments.

Dream Three: At some point I'm in a library, looking something up. At another point I'm looking at a house. It looks like a rendering n a computer or something because there's no ground around it. All I can see if the house (like a little fairy tail cottage of some sort) and two water walls. One water fall is to the back right of the house, and it forms a pool under that corner of the house that flows out through a tiny creek from the front of the house. The second waterfall is at the front left of the house, also forming a little pool under the house, and this time running out the back. The water falls are so identical, it looks like someone copy pasted them and just rotated them differently.

Took another nap:

Dream Four (fragment): I dreamed I was trying to fall asleep, but it was storming and there was a buffalo outside. Every time I'd start to drift off, the buffalo would ram into either the front or back door making a huge ruckus. My kids were terrified of the storm, so its not like I was nodding off very often. I had to LOL when I woke up, because sometimes real life feels like this, only instead of a buffalo ramming the doors, it's thoughts in my head refusing to be quiet and instead of my kids being afraid of a storm they just don't want to go to bed.

Too Many Negatives [Trip Report]
Cannabis, 5-HTP, Valerian Root, Ginger Root
Date: April 27th, 2012

Dose:
repeated, smoked, Cannabis
T+0:00: 200 mg, oral, L-5-Hydroxytryptophan (5-HTP)
T+0:55: 450 mg, oral, Valeriana officinalis (Valerian Root)
T+1:15: 1100 mg, oral, Zingiber officinale (Ginger Root)

A couple days ago, against my instinct, I decided to see if there was any recreational or experimental value in 5-HTP. I've taken it before, but not in a long time, and my memories from back then are hazy. I had originally planned to use it with EGCG, from green tea, as an aromatic L-amino acid decarboxylase inhibitor so that it would only metabolize into serotonin in the central and not peripheral nervous system, but I assumed I could probably take it safely enough as is for a test run without having to worry about too many physical side effects. I was wrong.

I smoked a small amount of weed shortly before taking the 5-HTP, and just a little bit more right afterward. Within an hour I was starting to feel some tingling and was yawning occasionally, something I'm used to having as a come-up sign for serotonergic drugs like MDMA. However, I was also starting to feel significantly nauseous, and it was starting to make me very dissociated and anxious as well. I took one capsule of valerian root in the hopes that it would combat the anxiety and help get rid of the nausea by increasing GABA activity and lowering serotonin activity, but it didn't do very much other than make me a little more sedated. Not long after I took two capsules of ginger root as well, since I believe it relieves nausea by antagonizing 5-HT3 receptors, an antiserotonergic mechanism. It helped a little bit, but not much.

The experience overall could be classified as almost psychedelic as far as the mindset goes, but in a very negative and dissociated way. There was some change in my sensory perception, but it was hard to put my finger on. I imagine this effect could be viewed positively without all of the side effects. It took quite a while for the nausea to finally wear off, but it eventually did. The rest of my day was pretty normal, and then I went to bed and had two lucid dreams. So at least that's nice.

Black means non lucid
Orange means semi lucid
Blue means lucid
Red means dream characters talking
Purple means possible shared dreaming person
Green means notes

Got it? Great! Enjoy as always.

Dream #1 Searching for room 727.

Im in a school in a hallway, and there are different women speaking to eachother in another language i do not understand. I am rubbing my totem in my left hand looking at the hallway of the school im in. There are trophys in the display glass, there are different classrooms im passing with different teachers teaching a certain subject. I am now in a Gymnasium where there are teenage boys running around the Gym doin jogging excercises. I noticed a Coach nearby, he was a stocky build white male, (possibly in his 50's) had a thick mustache and beard with his hair combed back and it was chestnut brown. For some reason my subconscious wants to know where is a room number 727?
Hmm...so i walk up to the man and ask him.. "Can you tell me where room num 727 is?"
He gives me directions and i head back to the hallways in search for this room num.
Im walking thru the halls and go up these stairs, looking at different numbers..why does this place feel like i been here before?

Im now lucid and say..Might as well find Sinoblak!

Final dream: Looking for Sinoblak again.

Im still walking down different hallways, and spot a room number 727. I knock on the door and a white woman with long brunette hair and big blue eyes answers with an accent..
"Yes, may i help you"?
I pull out a pic of Sinoblak. "Yes, you mind telling me where i can locate this lovely lady?"
"Hmm.. ah certainly."
She walks over to a desk looking thru files. She should be in this room here. (I forget these other numbers she gave me) I take the paper and walk back out the hallway walking in seach of Sinoblak. A man walks past me and accidently bumps me and the paper goes flying with the rest of his files he had in his hands.
"Uh sir i am terribly sorry."
"Its ok." Im a bit pissed here and try looking thru all the papers. I ended up waking up here i believe looking thru all of the papers. As the man kept rambling on about some stupid class he was about to teach, and kept trying to tell me corny jokes. (Damn DC's)

Notes: Well i did'nt get much sleep yesterday, but am happy i remembered this much! =D Was certainly close to finding SB in this dream. funny how DCs can be annoying at times. But its all good, atleast i know i am able to search for her more proficently.

I'm at Toys R Us with my Grandma, she's watering our plants that are at Toys R Us for some reason. I leave to go play in the stores water fountain. It's at least a ten foot pool , with small wooden platforms inside, decreasing in size every two or three feet, and the water flows down them like a water fall. I play in the water for a bit, then I see a sand box, and think I'm going to go play in the sand too. I don't think I ever grew up While digging in the sand, I realize that a guy walks by carrying a tote of plants that look like ours. I flip, worried that he's taking our garden! I run back to where our plants are, and at first I can only see the tomato plants, but then a clerk tells me the cucumbers are "over there" and shows me my cucumber plants. Relieved, I notice they need watering! So I hop off the platform, and go to get the bucket from the sand area to fill it with water from the fountain. Some kids are already playing with the bucket, but when I explain my problem and promise to give it back, they give it to me no problem. I start trying to get water from the fountain, but every time I dip in my bucket, I get tadpoles in it! I don't want to pour the little tadpoles in the plants and kill the taddies, so I pour the water our and move to a different part of the pool. This time I keep getting goldfish in the bucket! It takes me pouring it out and trying to strain the water in without the fish four times before I get a bucket sans fish, but I manage. I carry the bucket to the plants, and water the cucumbers, but there's not enough to get the tomatos in that tiny bucket, so I go back for more. I notice I am SOAKED, and my pink shirt is now see through. I'm oddly not bothered by this, and just go back for more water. The sky's looking dark though, and someone says the sky is so grey, the grey is palpable (I have no clue how to spell that, so if Firefox gave me the wrong word for a spelling correction, sorry!). When I think about being able to touch the grey with my hands, I realize it's the color of clay and I suddenly have clay in my hands and I'm in my room from the old house in Holly Springs, laying on the bed, thinking about what it'd take to make my own Ball jointed doll out of clay and make a mold of it to pour with porcelain. I hear someone talking about a man planning to cattle prod everyone, and this is supposed to put them to sleep for a year, and only one person will be left awake and everyone will starve to death. I'm like, What? No way, I can't let that happen! and I run outside where I see a female Centaur and a regular human male dressed in leather armor.

I stop dead in my tracks, and say, "wait.. this isn't real... I'm dreaming!" I don't need to reality check, I mean, there's a freaking CENTAUR in my DRIVEWAY, the only explanation is I'm dreaming! lol So I tell the centaur and the man as much when they try to tell me that I'm about to get cattle prodded. The female centaur rears back and pulls out a sword to fight me, and I start talking out my ass, "You can't hurt me, this is my dream! I'm in control!" Even though all my attempts at control have failed since my first lucid. I imagine myself growing wings, and though I can't see them, I can "feel" them and I see wings sprout out in my shadow. Yes! So then I try to take it another step and form a scythe in my hands... but since I'm looking at it, the best I manage is some sort of swirly white solid plastic ribbons. Oh well. I jump in the air and the wind whistles around me, practically blowing the man and centaur over. I ride the gust a few feet back and land in a fighting stance, though just barely keeping my balance because I am so not used to it, lol. Then the man yells at this guy in actual like, shiny metal armor who's stumbling along the yard like he doesn't know how to walk in his armor. I see a metal pole in the shiny knight's hand, so I go after him. I think the guy in leather armor called the knight guy "Jay". Anyways, Knight guy tries to poke me with the pole, and I grab it and start trying to wrestle it from him. I try to use the wind from earlier to blow his helmet off, but it doesn't work. The I just grab it and rip it off, and all the rest of his armor falls off with it. He tells me I can't win, he's going to kill me and everyone else. Then comes at me again. I consider for a moment not fighting back, but taking him by surprise and kissing him to see if he'll turn into K like in Catching up the last several days! - Dream Journals - Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views (2-23, dream two) but then I decide against it because he's got this huge bushy medieval style beard going on, lol. I tell him this is my dream, and no one can have as much power in my dream as me. and while I totally know I'm talking out my ass, it's WORKING! I am able to use the plastic strings to block an attack, and then twist the cattle prod out of the guys hands and snap it in two. He demands it back, and I laugh and tell him it's broken anyways, his plans are a lost cause. But then he says it's not broken, and I look at it, and it's made to be collapsible, so even though I "broke" it, all I did was take the pieces apart and if I put them back together I can use the weapon. So of course I put them together and then I start to cattle prod the man and push him back into my house. I tell the dream the door is going to be sealed and he can't come out, but the door is shaking and he's pushing his way out... but then the pushing stops. I can see someone through the cracks around the door moving around though, so I open the door and look inside. Instead of medieval guy, there's an old lady in there. I step in cautiously, and she's in the closet hanging up clothes or something, which is what my real grandma would be doing, lol. I'm wondering if she's going to turn back into the knight guy, so I keep my distance. She turns to me, and says something like, "there you are dear! Are you having a good birthday?" I nod, and tell her, "thanks dream grandma." She smiles, and says she'll be right back with my birthday present. I start to tell her that while she's in the kitchen she should tell K to come see me. Then I wonder if dream grandma can even use the phone or even wonder if I can use dream logic to place him in the kitchen for her to tell. I change my mind, and instead decide that since the neighbors kid is always coming over to hang out with my real grandma, I'm going to tell dream grandma to go into the kitchen and tell the neighbors kid to call K and tell him to come see me. She smiles and says of course, and then tells me my mom left a present for me in the dresser drawer. After she leaves the room I move to the drawers. I think for a moment, I should look at my hands. I've never done that in a lucid and I wonder if that ring I got in a dream forever ago is still there. There's a ring on my finger, and it's pretty and definitely not my wedding ring, but not the one from that dream ages ago either. I try to change it into the ring from the previous dream, but while it changes and smooths out getting closer to the image of that other ring, it never looks right. I give up when it stops changing, and start opening the drawers. Nothing in the top, nothing in the second, in the third though I find a moon stone poison necklace (like the kind they would hide poison in if it were fairy tail) that I had years ago. I still have it actually, but it's broken, lol. In the dream it's not broken, so apparently mom had it fixed for my birthday... but I'm cautious about opening it. So I shove it back in the drawer and close the drawer on it. My mom causes night mares, I don't want something from her to fuck this one up for me. I hear the door opening behind me, and I jump, afraid it's my mom or something nightmare-ish. But it's just the little old lady, and she hands me a package of lotion and lip gloss from bath and body works. I can't help but giggle a bit about it because it's the same set my BFF gave me last month, it's even opened and used as much as I've already used it! I wonder if dream grandma just grabbed it out of the bathroom because she didn't really have anything for my birthday, so I just smile and say, "thanks grandma!" and she looks like she's beaming and happy that I like it. Then she starts to leave, and says, "one more thing dear," and she's stepping into the hallway, "You have a visitor." K steps into the room from the hallway. He's dressed in a black trench coat and has on HUGE sunglasses that cover his whole face. I tilt my head confused for a minute, and ask, "K?" he laughs and takes off the sunglasses while shrugging out of the coat, then says, "of course, I heard you were asking for me." I drop the previous gift and start to run towards him and he steps forwards, and I literally jump into his arms and wrap my legs around him... much like my kids when they don't want us to put them down, lol. He hold me close, and I excitedly tell him, "Guess what? I'm dreaming! And I'm lucid!" he turns his face so he's talking right into my ear and says, "baby you can't get lucid." like he's in total disbelief. I laugh and tell him, "I can! and I am!" He hugs me again and says while laughing excitedly, "Then I am glad I lied!" I guess he lied saying I can't get lucid, lol? Then he pulls back and kisses me, and it causes me to feel like I'm falling backwards,and wake up just like when I woke from yesterday's lucid.

Well I can check off my goal of growing wings in a lucid now and I found K in a lucid too! I'm so proud of myself for not running off to find him first thing. I realize that in the dream I didn't have much chance to run off, but I still feel like I accomplished something big by not looking for him right away like in all my other lucids. Next goal to work on, not getting so excited when I see him in a lucid so the dream doesn't crash around me and I have a chance to ask actual questions. Asking a dream character worked so surprisingly well. I will definitely be employing that in the future! Geeze, my first long lucid in over a month, I'm on cloud nine and so happy I took that nap!

Dream One (Fragments): I'm driving home on the interstate, watching the trees fly past me, marveling at how pretty and twisted they are. Then, the scene shifts completely and I'm watching this guy mowing lawns, he's on his cell phone calling other clients at the same time. Someone doesn't want him to come mow this week, so he starts raving about how if they don't cut their grass the rabid squirrels will invade their yard and they will be doomed! Then the scene changed again, and I', watching my friend T, who's gay, talk about working in a porn shop. I find it really odd that he's working in a place full of naked women. He's so smart he could do better, and being gay, it's not like the naked chic's perk is doing him any good.

Dream Two (Fragments): The earliest point I can remember of this dream, I'm pulling my shirt up and looking at these nasty red lines on my sides that are going up from my hips to right below my rib cage. At first I assume they are stretch marks, but then I remember I don't have stretchmarks that look like this. Stretch marks are thin silver lines, and mine are all horizontal wrapping around my belly, these are vertical and at least a half inch thick. They look more like popped blisters, pink in the center and redder and redder as you get to the edge. They don't hurt at least. Felling like this is odd, I turn to the closest person, my husband, and ask what they are and what happened to me to get them. He refuses to tell me. I wander off in search of someone who will, and I walk into a room with a bed. Rini from Sailor Moon (Chibi Usa if you watch the subs I guess) is on the bed, and there's a man trying to inject her with something. I stop him, and I can't remember if I killed him or just wounded him badly and scared him off. I turn back to the bd, and Rini is acting really mean and evil. She sets a doll on the bed, and walks out of the room. I turn to look at the doll, and it looks like it moved! I get closer, and the doll isn't a doll, it's a baby with red pig tails. I wonder if it's Chibi Chibi from the episodes of sailor moon that didn't get dubbed, but I don't know because I've never seen them. How I failed to become lucid during this weird dream I don't know. I clearly knew something wasn't right with the lines, and I knew that Rini and Chibi Chibi were characters from Sailor Moon. I was aware of so much wrong, and yet didn't think to reality check. At least I can pinpoint what caused the second half of this dream. My daughter <3 s Sailor Moon, and we were watching the episodes where Rini was kidnapped and turned into Wicked Lady yesterday.

Dream Three: I'm on the beach with my husband and two kids. My aunt is there too, playing with the kids. It's time to go home, so my husband and I gather up all our stuff. Our arms are full, and the kids are dragging their feet, so my aunt tells us to take our stuff to the car and not to wait up, she can handle the kids fine on her own. I'm cool with this because she wrangled me and my cousins pretty well when I was a kid! When I load up everything in the car, which turns out to be a blue SUV, I climb inside to wait in the shade. my husband starts the car and starts to leave. I fuss at him to wait, but he insists he's just moving the SUV closer so they don't have to walk as far. He ends up moving it farther away, and I'm mad because there's no way they're going to find the car here! I get out and start wandering around trying to find them, but the parking lot and beach are way different now. The parking lot is HUGE and there's a hotel between it and the beach, and the hotel is HUGE. I spend a great deal of time wandering, making this dream drag out but giving me little to write about. I see a lot of cosplayers around, and realize that this must be some sort of anime convention too. I wander to a point where they're doing construction. I can see the beach on the other side, but I can't get past the construction stuff, so I go inside the hotel beside it. I trip a few times. I try to push through crowds. At some point I wander into an indoor pool area. A creepy redneck guy in a red plaid shirt is looking at me funny and I'm alone. I turn around and leave that room as fast as I can. I get a text message from an ex-boyfriend from like 7 years ago, and he's telling me there's an anime convention in his hotel at the beach. I tell him I already know about the con, I'm there now. Finally I make it out of the hotel and see my kids on the beach with my aunt. There's a guy dressed as a clown there too, and he's got my daughter in his lap making silly face at her. My aunt is glad I'm there, she says the kids were terrified when they couldn't find us! I explain to her what happened, and that I have no idea where my husband and the car are. The last couple minutes of the dream, we're wandering as a group through the hotel trying to find our way back to the car.

I was awake late last night, unable to fall asleep. When I finally did fall asleep, I slept really hard. Waking up only twice when I normally wake up at least 4 times a night. I'm definitely taking a nap today!

Still no luck . I must have been really tired because I fell asleep almost right away. I completely forgot to even try lucid dreaming. Even my dream recall method failed which is quite shocking. This was the first time that my dream recall has ever failed.

I hope you have some time to watch this Kaomea, you probably have a sense of what this woman will be saying if you do watch it, but it does make me consider on who I'm interacting in dreams.

I can see why you want to see future selves of other people. I don't think you're doing it because you want all the spoils, and seeing them at a state that is supposed to be the epitome of their whole being, I think you're digging deeper into trying to eradicate any preconceptions you may have for another person.

Which leads me to believe that part of you is seeing a part of me in your dreams where my soul is essentially deceit-free, even though I'm not feeling it right now because of my sporadic nature in emotions in waking life lately. Going from passive to stressful, and to even small contemplations of degrading my life to the point where my dreams are the only way for me to have some modicum of hope that this reality is still worth going through.

You've mentioned that experiences in your dreams are meant to enhance waking life, and from watching the same video, it's clearly obvious omcasey1 sees things in a different light now, and if you do watch it, you'll see she admits to being more considerate, thoughtful, and appreciative of others and the environment around her.

But the question I have for you, Kaomea, is there a point in your life where you might see things differently to where you see this dimension in another dimension like casey did in the video?

I would like to believe what casey said, but this is something that has to be done on personal means. But near the end of the video, she is a bit confusing, for me at least.

It seems she's mentioning she's shifting towards the mentality of Solipsism, but at the same time, it's not believing only she is real, she starts to connect it to how all of us can create this sort of universal collective consciousness.

Again, it's hard for me to believe this until I experience these things myself, and because I know I still have preconceptions and bias towards dreaming, despite knowing that I found some things about you in your earlier life, it makes me wonder if because we have a liking for each other as friend that we're open the other person entering our realm.

I don't mean that as invading your minds, just seeing each other in the dreaming plane.

I can see why AA Michael declared his perspective to you on the person you meet in your dreams is essentially stages of their whole being, sometimes it can be an evolution, or it can be a regressed state.

I honestly do not think it's unhealthy for you to only search for future selves of myself or anyone else, that is, if you already accept infinite realities into the equation, and infinite you's, and me's....I think I'm starting to understand Michael clearly now. It's making more sense to me.

But still, because I'm inexperienced compared to you Kaomea, seeing the world based on being accustomed to this reality, it is still difficult for me to full comprehend and feel the type of energy casey in the video must be saying, but that's further proof that I should strongly consider dreaming lucidly.

I'll just put that as a long-term goal, to see things in a different dimension. To see this world in a different plane, because even though I'm clearly open to this possibility, it's my mentality of this world that constrains the potential for me to understand things clearly.

Anyway, I wanted to mention that to you, Kaomea.

When we do meet each other in the dreaming plane, promise me you'll stare at my eyes deeply, and tell me whether or not you still feel the same vibe from other projections/stages/evolutions of myself.

Because if not, I will ask youeventually.

Because when I see you in my non-lucid dreams, I see parts of you that are passive, and sometimes I wonder if you do that on purpose to tempt me to take the lead instead of being submissive most of the time.

What I'm saying is, with someone who is used to astral and etheric experiences, you sure do sustain a type of humbleness that makes me question whether or not I'm experiences patches of who you are.

Are my eyes set on looking at you in the past, rather than the future? Is this my way of my higher self understanding you quickly because He/she/it wants me to live in the past to understand why you want to see me in the future?

Tell me, are you sure your seeing my in the future, Kaomea?

It could all just be expectations you know............of who you want me to be......

Which relates to how you like as much fun as you can from your dreams, but still having control when DC's get out of hand or get too "subjective" with you.

Tell me,

What will you do when I start being too subjective, and things get out of hand?

Will you constrain me with bolts like you did with Hades?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm


If Hades himself, or your projection of him can experience humility from being constrained by bolts, then the possibility of me going out of control is still there.

Anyway, that's all for now.

But I'll leave you with this.....


When I do attempt to dream, people in waking life tend to be insignificant to me. I don't mean your typical "this is a second life" kind of mentality...I literally forget about these people when I do become lucid.

At least, that happens most of the time when I enter the dream state from a WILD, and not a DILD/MILD.

When I do become accustomed to lucidity, I'm afraid there might be some parts of myself you won't like. But I just want you to know that when that time comes, acknowledge those dislikes of yours.

Remember what I said about what it takes to have a long relationship with someone? Even though you have more experience than me, you deemed what I declared as "lovey-dovey" and "cheesy."

I admit, sometimes when I do exhibit a romantic type of mentality, I feel awkward and think I shouldn't be doing this, because it feels cheesy and not worth it.

But I think one reason for that is because this world has so many people to the point where romanticism is basically a fairy tale. Anyone with the right words can tempt a woman/man in their arms, and when they realize it's the wrong person they exhibited this "love" towards, it's already too late.

Which is why I'm still insecure about having relationships in waking life. There's just so many possibilities, so many "What if I met this person instead of that?"

"What if I met someone more beautiful?"
"What if I met someone more intelligent?"
"What if I met someone more sociable?"
"What if I met someone more fragile?"
What if I met someone more kind and loving?"
What if I met someone more thoughtful?"

It's always more, more, more, more, more.

I may not understand why you wanted to engage in taboo and irrational relationships in the past, but based on what I'm insecure about with relationships and all, I think I understand why you went down that path before.

There's always the possibility of meeting someone better than the person you have now.

When we find a lover in our lives, even though attractive people still spark an interest to the person, that same person will always believe their lover is better.

But what makes me think that they're saying that is because they have added security, the risk of abandonment is low, and exhibiting effort towards someone who could be better is pointless when they have someone who can satisfy their needs.

Sometimes I wonder if this is the subjective matter of how our body dilutes our perception of things like the Selfish Gene Theory, where we are only considerate for augmenting the possibility that our genes will be passed on to the future.

People try to deny and think we're more than just animals who want to pass our genes, but really, who are the ones being fooled here?

If we're so complex to not have to full believe in that standard that we here to pass on our DNA to the next offspring, what does that say about humans in general?

Could our minds be declaring this to us to make us feel better, to make us feel that we're not just here being vessels to pass on traits to another vessel?

Are we really more than just animals? Are we just high and conceited of our own kind, humanity, to be able to think that we're the only ones on this planet, and possibly the universe as a whole to think we can pass on more than just our genes???

That doesn't even relate to what I'm trying to tell you, I think.......

Anyway. Good night...or good morning I should say....lol.

I'm feeling very lucky today, so I'm gonna try lucid dreaming tonight. Wish me luck!

Black means non lucid
Orange means semi lucid
Blue means lucid
Red means dream characters talking
Purple means possible shared dreaming person
Green means notes

Got it? Great! Now enjoy as always.

WARNING!!!
The following dream contains extremely graphic nature, and strong sexual content, that may not be suitable for children.
Parental discretion is advised........

Dream #1 Fetishes.

Spoiler for Strong Sexual Content:

Im in some basement watching a bunch of women being abused and tortured by other females. Some of it is almost too much to watch! There are different mixtures of women, all inflicting pain to one another, or receiving pain from one another. One woman was asian, and forced this black chick to eat her out. Everytime the black chick stopped the asian chick smacked her on the head with her whip really hard. and grabbed the black chicks face, and crammed it closer to her pussy and said..
"Keep eating you bitch!"
Another woman who looked latin, was using her big toe to foot fuck this white chick with red hair while she was strapped up to some metal table. Another woman looked german was kicking another german girl in the pussy while she was wearing boots and telling her that pain is good. Im now witnessing two Latin women spanking another latin girls naked ass while her pants were pulled down to her ankles. She was bent over another latin girls lap, and they were using wooden paddles and saying.."You will Worship us and us ONLY GOT IT!?" I was now in a backroom watching two white women rubbed their naked tits up against eachother all while moaning. One of them noticed me an invited me in the room. Im now laid on this metal table strapped in, and One of the women had red hair and was wearing black and red panties, no bra and wearing black leather boots. She climbed on top of me, and begin unfasting my pants. She now tugs and pulls my now throbbing rock hard cock, and assures me that what happens next will only be a test.
A bit afraid now, i notice the other woman who had black hair and had her nose eyebrows and bottom lip pierced. She walks up to the table with a needle and small steel ball the size of a pebble. She has a cotton swab and some latex gloves on.
"This will only hurt briefly."
"Please noo...please lady NO!!!
"Ssssh..hush now, this will only take a minute."
The red haired chick now hops off and is now gripping my still throbbing rock hard cock. The chick with the piercings takes the long needle and dips it in this clear bottle, while holding a cloth underneath it.
"I will close my eyes now if i were you."
I close my eyes feeling a very cold wet sensation inches away from the head of my penis, only to hear a door being kicked opened, and a womans voice saying..
"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM!!!"

"Na..Natalia?" It sounds like Natalia. i faint and wake up.


Dream #2 Thinking things over.

Im in some apartment talking with a few different guys in suits. We were talking about investigating Some building i think. One of the men who looked like he was possibly Arab told me to just sit down and think it over in a few days. I let the men out of this apartment buiding and close my door and sit down in a chair letting my thoughts come and go.

Dream #3 The man name Javier.

Im in a car in the back seat with some men speaking in another language (Possibly russian) This one man is telling me when i get in the building just drop this envelope off to a man name Javier??? I get out of the car and the man now says to me..
"Rememeber, you do good job..you make real big money."
I walk into this huge corporate building and put my left hand in my left pocket, (I do this subconsciously in RL too) and in my right hand i am still holding the envelope. I see a blond russian woman at the desk and ask her..
"Excuse me Ms, you know where i can find a man name Javier?" She looks at her files on her desk and nods.
"Mmhm" You can find Mr. Javier on the 5th floor room num 214.
"Thank you." I nod my head at the woman. I noticed i am wearing a black suit and my hair is pulled back in a braided ponytail when i glance at my reflection in the hallway mirror.

I continue walking down the hall looking for a elevator. i finally see one, its empty and i step inside. I keep reminding myself about the name Javier 5th floor room num 214. I reach in my pocket and pull out my hawk coin totem. I now exit the elevator walking down the hallway looking for room num 214. Im on the 5th floor and see all these room numbers, and finally spot room num 214. The door was open i step inside, to notice a man who looked arab or latin sitting at a desk reading thru some files and papers.

"Ah, so this is the man i been hearing nothing but good stories about."
"You know who i am?"
"Of course i do, please have a seat."
I sit down at the desk across from him and he starts telling me that he can offer me a job.
I forget what else was being said right here...i believe it was something about me helping him find his daughter. Dream fades and i wake up.

Final dream: (Fragment) Recruitment.

Im in my 2nd home in the basement talking with some women about building an army. I mention to one older white lady that, she can be the lookout and i can give her a file containing vital information. (Thats all i remember) And i wake up.

Notes: I clearly could have easily became lucid in the 3rd dream, Just that that dream felt a bit too real for me to reality check. Overall im fairly happy with my recall, just a tad bit dissapointed that i did not become lucid.

Black means non lucid
Orange means semi lucid
Blue means lucid
Red means dream characters talking
Purple means possible shared dreaming person
Green means notes

Got it? Great! enjoy as always.

WARNING!!!
THE FOLLOWING DREAM CONTAINS EXTREMELY GRAPHIC NATURE, AND VERY DISTURBING DETAILS, THAT MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN.
PARENTAL DISCRETION IS ADVISED.........



Dream #1 The ugly side of my subconscious.

Spoiler for 18+ Only:

Im walking down a dark dingy hallway, there are mirrors and doors on the walls. There is this man telling this little boy to undress himself. Im whistling walking down this dark hallway with one hand in my pocket and flipping my hawk coin in
the air. Catching it as im walking, i notice in one of the rooms a man is forcing this little boy to undress himself or else he will kill him. I shapeshift into IT the clown and start laughing like a maniac. The man looks at me and says..."What the fuck is so funny clown!? "Do you want a balloon?" "No i don't want no fucking balloon get the fuck outta here!" I start laughing again, i tell the man don't you think that what you are doing could send your ass straight to jail for the rest of your life? "Uh no..and no one is goin to know, NOW GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE! He shoves me and i say to him.."Aw...now don't you think you should be much more nicer to clowns hmm? "No, and i don't like clowns!" I shapeshift into a more hideous looking being..with my flesh rotting and reeking of death and decay. I reach in my mouth and pull out my own heart and tell him.."I no longer have a heart...i left it in San francisco. I start laughing again throwing up maggots as im doin so. The guy starts looking freaked out. I look over at the child, "close your eyes little boy ok?" He nods his head and takes both his hands and closes his eyes. The man pees on himself saying.."WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!? He starts running, and i have now shapeshifted into Leatherface chasing him down this darkend hallway where the lights on the ceiling are blinking on and off, and there are rats and roaches crawling everywhere. Im laughing like a maniac chasing the man down this dark hallway hearing him scream like a woman! He trips and falls in the middle of the hallway. "Please man, no no no don't kill me man PLEASE I DON'T WANT TO DIE!!!" I pull my eyeballs out, and swallow them laughing like a madman The man is screaming at the top of his lungs, begging me not to kill him. I am chewing on my eyeballs, and picking between my teeth. "How about we play chase a little bit more, because i enjoy turning your little sick pathetic life into pure horror. Now on the count of 3, i want you to run for your life ok? He nods his head. I now shapeshift into a sexy vampire chick, i lean towards him on the ground and lick his neck. "Hahahah mmm...taste good. i lick my lips. Now i want you to start running ok? He nods his head very fast and starts getting up running. "Lalalalaaaalaaa I am goin to murder you...."I start laughing again and moaning." Im sucking my fingers and walking down this infinite hallway, the man running tries opening doors but he finds nothing. Finally i shapeshift back into my regular self, and tell the man that his time is running out and that he has better find a door soon. I now shapeshift into a little white asian girl wearing a long dirty white gown with my hair in front of my face holding a teddy bear with its head cut off. "Im fucking sorry man ok!? Please don't fucking kill me man IM SORRY!!!" I look at the man and tell him.."Time for you to die Mr." I shapeshift into freddy krueger, and take my claws and slice the man to shreds laughing the entire time. Blood is squirting everywhere while this is being done, the man is screaming in horror. Finally after finishing him, i head back to
the room to search for the little boy.

I am shapeshifted back into my regular form. I walk down the dark hallway looking for the little boy finally finding him balled up in the corner crying. I look at the boy and get down on both knees and tell the boy im sorry you had to hear that and see what you seen. I apologize for my nature of handling that, Sometimes i can get a bit angry when someone harms an innocent child, or hurt anyone for that matter. The little boy mentions to me, that he understands, and he was only frightened by the noises he heard in the halls. I grab him by the hand and we walk the the dark hallway. "Tell me, if you could go anywhere in the world, or do anything your heart desires...what would you want to do?" He mentions go flying in a world full of candy.

Quite typical of little kids. I hear my beethoven music in the distance and give him my hawk coin totem. "Here take this, i will be your guide, and come to protect you if you are ever in danger ok?" He nods his head. I lead him thru a door full of candy and i wake up.

Dream #2 The beautiful side of my Subconscious.





Im in a casino around a blackjack table rubbing my hawk coin totem. The song Miguel sure thing is playing in the background. A few women are near me saying..
"Goodluck handsome, we will be waiting for your by the bar."
Im nodding my head rubbing my hawk coin totem. Im on a hot streak and cash in my winnings. I head over to the bar to see two beautiful women (Don't know their nationality) they looked arab or indian or possibly island carribean. One of the women was wearing a long red dress with beautiful shiny black mules and a french pedicure on her toes. The other woman was wearing a long sleeve purple sweater and some black jeans with some black flats and had a very exotic look to her face.

I buy the women drinks and we head back to my place, where i am dancing with them and we end up having a threesome together. Thats all i can remember and i wake up and record the dream.

Notes: My 1st dream clearly shows my protective nature to protect the innocent. It also shows my ugly nature when extremely pissed off.

My 2nd dream clearly shows how sweet and charming i can be to those i care about around me. Overall i am fairly happy with my recall, and my dreams.