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I was at my house. Something about "pride and prejudice" and Mr Darcy.
Shattered glass on the floor.

Morning of June 3, 2015. Wednesday.



Once again my non-lucid dream state effortlessly and totally jumbles up otherwise familiar places into impossible composites and sudden switches. Again, I have to say, whatever mechanism so easily creates temporary extensive amnesia and loss of critical thinking skills and complete dissolution of intelligence is worthy of finding as much about as possible, especially because I know there is always something else “behind the curtain” which may not be viably associated or discovered until many years later (such as the fact my extraordinarily beautiful partner in life was always “with me” long before I met her of which we both still have endless proof in considerable and layered detail).

In this dream, I am first at my (deceased in real life) sister’s house on Loomis Street in Wisconsin. I am in the laundry room near the back door and notice several rubbish bins near the alley. My brother-in-law appears, though he is ready to leave to go somewhere in his car, possibly with my sister, though I do not see her or focus on her to any extent. They may be going out to gamble, shop, or (seemingly more likely) visit relatives concerning an upcoming funeral. There is a point at which I become aware of how unbearably hot it is; that the human race will probably only exist for another year due to the heat, but for some reason, it does not become a major in-dream choice of concern. Instead, I focus on a table near the entrance to the shed. On the table, which is somewhat like a cart with a shallow well as the top, are several large old books (of mostly red and blue featureless cloth covers) as well as at least two large photograph albums which are similar to H. E. Harris Statesman stamp albums in outer appearance. I get the impression that these books will all be thrown out although I am not sure why. I contemplate taking at least the albums though for no particular reason other than it surprises me that someone would get rid of so many photographs representing several generations of family. I seem to have an in-dream false memory of this man (who I never actually see). My dream’s back story does not seem to fully imply that he is residing in the shed, though I do not question why someone would have their belongings gathered and ready to discard in someone else’s backyard.

From this point things go a bit “off” regarding typical confusion of locations and features. I notice that my sister’s neighbor (Thomas N) immediately to the south has his gate open (though in real life the fence had no gate or access into the neighbor’s yard). This fictional gate is just off the northwest corner of his house (in back). Now, to add to the confusion, instead of Wisconsin, I am now in Florida, though it is “still” the same place, though actually now the front yard in Cubitis. Even more confusing, in Cubitis, there was never a fence between our house and the neighbor’s house in reality. It was all open and expansive and neither my family or the neighbors ever even defined any boundaries as such (in fact, in reality, our water pump was seemingly in our neighbor’s front yard or at least on the undefined perimeter). However, my clueless dream-self has a bit of concern over how the “gate was left open”, implying that the father of the girl next door had gone out and left it open - which somehow seems to connect to the earlier ambiguous scene about the books near the shed in Wisconsin. It seems important that I inform my mother that the gate was left open.

Over the (fictional) wooden fence, in the front yard near the highway (the old Highway Seventeen), I see a funeral carriage facing outward from their yard and to the west. I can see all the colorful flowers (a few arrangements in black vases which of course would just fall over when the carriage began to move) mostly arranged on the top of the funeral carriage, but I do not see a horse or the coachman at this particular point. I get the impressions that the family, or perhaps the funeral director, had forgotten about it, abandoned it for some reason, or left it behind upon the family moving to another location and “cancelling” the ongoing funeral due to the preference of a more organized move regarding the general order of their possessions (or the order in which they empty their house to move to their new home). There is no sense of eeriness; just a slight focus on why it was apparently left there for now.

I go to my mother (I seem about fifteen years old) who is seated near the windows in the living room that face the backyard, and report to her that not only had the gate (into our front yard) been left open but that the neighbors had moved and now the house was empty (which does not make that much sense as I still think about the girl’s father wandering around in an unknown area - which somehow gives me concern). I do not mention the funeral carriage at any point. Now we are in the backyard and I tell her again how the house is now empty. (Apparently, the wooden fence is now instantly gone). She seems confused about my belief and says that they had not moved and that the house is still obviously being lived in and points out details to back up that supposed fact. In fact, I can see details of the living room through a rear window (which does not exist in reality), including a television that is facing me through the window as well as an armchair and a table. Still, I argue with her and insist no one is living there (probably denial of elements of the past and the hopeless “idiot” I was at the time in real life).

From here, my dream takes another strange turn. The Cubitis home is now occupied by my family (wife and children) as we are now. There is also a (fictional of course) stream running through the property, probably under or through the house and flowing east to west through the middle of our yard. My wife and youngest son are in the front yard near this stream on the north side of it in about the center of the yard. An extraordinarily beautiful dark-haired girl (with a vivid goddess-like presence) shows up and seems to “tower” over me at one point. What I do not realize is that it is a much younger version of my wife though her hair is as my wife’s hair is now. I had always thought my wife Zsuzsanna Gabrielle was the most beautiful female I had ever seen yet here is this “new” girl causing me confusion (even though again, it actually is my wife, although at one point there seems to be a muddled set of female characters for a short time - the neighbor girl lying on her side in the back of a station wagon as she appeared in the early 1970s, a teenage version of my wife in addition to the twenty-old version, the present version of my wife, and a woman that vaguely reminds me of the old recovering-alcoholic secretary from my first factory job though who I was not attracted to in any way - which is probably an absentminded pointless play on the Paul Anka song “Diana”). I decide to throw myself into the stream (which is only about four inches deep) to see which version of my wife decides to notice or “save me from drowning”, though the dream becomes too abstract beyond that - though I still get the impression the two came to where I was lying in the stream at about the same time (that is, the present version and the twenty-year-old version, though their hair appearance is switched).

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1.
[dream]
I was playing Super Mario Sunshine and trying to get one Shine but couldn't find it. I saw some coins far away. I tried to get there but was stopped by the level's border. I thoght "They look real I SHOULD be able to collect them!" I got as close as I could and saw that the coins are pixelized. There were real ones not far away. I collected them and got a Shine for 100 coins. I've got it under some upside-down stairs.
[/dream]

2.
[dream]
Everything looked like IRL but I was maintaining a reactor and a turbine looking exactly like in Big Reactors Minecraft mod. I went to some shop for a while and when I came back, the turbine was running at about 1600 RPM using only 100 mB/t of steam. I tried rebooting the devices but nothing changed.
[/dream]

Gaming dreams continue... But I often play games so it would be uncomfortable to do RCs every time I notice I'm playing...

It was during biology lesson. The classroom was unusually clean, there was a huge table in the middle of it. It was decorated, and there were many dishes to choose from. The teacher - blonde female in her forties, wearing blue jacket and black jeans trousers and wearing glasses; called everyone inside.

I entered the room, and after a while other classmates appeared. Teacher said something of importance to me, but I can't recall what it was. We sat down and talked, after a while I've got a strange feeling that I should go and something, yet I can't recall what.

Suddenly everything became dark. I looked through the window, and saw that there was a solar eclipse. I went away from the classroom, to a dark corridor. I slowly moved forward, until I met a dead end. I looked for a secret exit, and found hidden panel. Taking it away I've found a lever, and pulled it.

Everything became brighter. I went back to the classroom, and looking through the window I saw that the eclipse was over.

I have just enter father room. I proceeded to sit down on the bed and realize that bread crumbs were scatter on top of the blanket. I don't remember doing this, there near by was the unfinished corn bread on the bed. I didn't think any more of this and decided to turn on the television. The TV volume was very loud, I tried to lower the volume but this wasn't working. I found loud noises to be unpleasant and began feeling a strong headache.

I tried turning on the lights but that was also not working. I soon began feeling myself panic so I abandon the room to gather my thoughts in the living room. The lights weren't working, must be a reason. I decided to an RC and notice that my left hand middle finger was side ways and had slightly grown more than it should from the other fingers. I gain some lucidity but it some how disappeared as quickly as it came. Feeling confuse, I thought getting water would be a good idea to remain calm.

I went upstairs to my brother and mother to collect some water but they both told me that they had no more. I could see beside my brother was a few spare bottles in a crate and ask him if I could have some. He told me he didn't want to share, I then close the door and thought this wasn't good. I then told myself to be calm and try to solve the problem. I enter back inside my father room. The volume was still very loud, I quickly attempted to lower it which it work this time.

I sat back down on the bed and started listening to song a I never heard or had any playlist before. It wasn't bad at all, however my enjoyment didn't last long. The song and TV both cut off. I began feeling paranoid again, I tried again but it seems the TV refuse to come on. Technology really doesn't like commands I guess. Not long after it came on by itself and feature 1 man sleeping by the front door of an apartment. He was then awoken by two other men that seemed like his friends.

I started having a difficult time thinking and my eyes were becoming blurry. The two friends had taken his glasses and started playing with them. The man who had just woken wanted them back, somehow one of them toss it out of the screen to where I was able to take them. I place them on and I could see much better. But soon my vision with in the lenses started creating mirror effect of seeing the same thing over again. Causing more confusion I threw the glasses on the ground.

My vision constantly started transitioning from blurry to decent. I check my fingers and realize I am dreaming. Though I couldn't get off from the bed. The man who had loss his glasses told his two friends they better not lick on it. I wake up shortly after. Lucidity Time: 8 seconds

I am exempt from all my finals so I don't have to go to school for the rest of the year.

In my dream however, apparently I was at school when I shouldn't have been there. I was in English class for some reason. I wondered did I accidentally go to school, but I didn't remember how I got there (because I never actually WENT there). I ended up shrugging it off and stating I'll just have to remind my mom I don't have school for the rest of the year.

My mind often forgets what my gender is when I am within the realm of a dream. Sometimes I'm a boy and sometimes I'm a girl, I have even switched genders part way through.

In this one dream, I was a young boy living with his brother in a suburban home. Our parents had passed away a few months back and we were still trying to hide this information from authorities. We continued on wishing to live on our own without a foster parent because we knew that would mean moving to a different home and possibly a different school. The bills for the house kept coming and we could only tell the telephone that our parents were in the showers so many times before suspicion arose.

When it was found out that we were living on our own an estranged grandfather was given charge of us and the property. It was not like we had feared but in another way, this was much worse. There was a reason we had never been brought to meet this man. He was a child abuser. As soon as he arrived he made plans to do some landscaping, all the labor was done by brother and I. He didn't like the speed I was working so he pushed me down into the hole I had dug and pushed his brown plad covered pelvis into my face, all the while mocking me and calling me a faggot.

The last thing I remember before I wake is my back against the muddy wall and my pedophile grandfather leering over me, smiling a bit as he unzipped his trousers.

Sometimes I wonder if some dreams are portals into alternate realities.

I find myself in my kitchen at my condo next to the balcony door. The un impressive sunlight that is barely shining finally goes dark as storm clouds blanket the sky. Rain and wind start blowing viscously and the rain blows straight into the house, I look over and the balcony door is wide open. I am not able to close it for the wind was so strong from the outside so I decided to step outside on the balcony to observe the massive storm. I look slightly up and too my right to see a sliver of the moon, the rest covered up by dark clouds. As I observe, the clouds seemingly vanish around the moon and soon the entire moon is present and it's so massive it takes up nearly 1/5 the sky, it was amazing and it seemed so realistic, the immensity and emotion I got from the moon made the dream collapse.

Fragment
Lots of small groups in a field, each trying to assemble something. I guide my group in assembling it in a different order than everyone else, and it seems to work well.

A place based on the Heian era, a woman's emerging from behind a curtain that partitions off an inner room and moving between two wooden tables where a couple other women, her friends, are eating and talking. She's dusting the tables as she talks with them. I'm standing off to one side and watching her, feeling fond but bemused. I've just noticed the wrinkles she's developed, and I wonder how long it's been since we first met. When she gets to the end of the table, I stop her and ask why she's dusting - she knows this place is an illusion I'm creating for her, she doesn't need to clean it. She says she's probably being silly, laughing, and she hands me the thing she was using to dust. I'm feeling vaguely sad about this.

(Woke up. Back to sleep.)

I'm walking across the moors, heading towards a building I think of as haunted - then I mentally correct myself, it's not haunted, it's a dream of a haunted place. This distinction matters to me; something deliberately created to present a certain experience.

I'm on dream views and looking at my dreambuddy's profile. Her profile picture showed that she was a literal Muppet with green fuzzy skin and brown shoulder length human hair. Her sig said that her goal of the month was to make memes.

when i woke up at 6:30..

Generic blank business conference room. i am talking to my team. We are sitting around a round table and are trying to organize our goals. I don't remember what we were talking about.

There was a machine that could read a human mind. How it works? You ask a certain question.. and the person does not have to answer it. The thought itself is enough. You aim the person with this machine.. and you have the answer. It is a powerful machine, and that is why some people are after it. They are already running the stairs to go higher into this old building. But on the floor where this machine is located, a boy lives. And he has special abilities. He can put anything out of the real life into a wall picture. And so, he used his power and this machine was projected to a wall painting. This guys could not take it.

Now the scene changes.. i am in an old car in the middle of Italy. We are waving with a yugoslavian flag, and singing partisan songs. And the local italian people dont like this at all.. and the fight begins.. scene fades away

Now i am in a dark room, with my friends.. we are drinking and singing songs, I am playing the guitar and we are arguing with a priest at the same time.. My ex takes my hand, and pulled me out of this room, away from this building. It is night time.. but many people are still walking the streets. We started to kiss.. with real passion.. we were burning hot.. starting to undress.. people were watching but.. it did not affect us very much.. we wanted to do more.. to get this passion out of our bodies.. we wanted to have sex somewhere.. but there were too many people around. And my ex said. " i truly wish, from my heart.. to turn the time around.. and find that boy.. who can put things into wall paintings.. because I want to put this moment into art.." And because she really wanted this to happen.. it did. The time turned around..

We were again in the room with the priest and the guitar.. singing.. and arguing. But music was playing backwards.. everyone thought whaaat is going on?? But only we know.. where is the catch.. Later we were in that car again.. and again the thugs came.. but now there was no problem.. because i knew exactly how the enemy will react.. so i beat them up very easily.. and then some agressive wild woman came.. and attacked me.. i dodged.. and hit her with one single strong punch into her kidney.. and i destroyed the kidney.. she was walking slowly away and she said that she must catch a plane, because she is on her way to vacation.. and i said.. dont go.. trust me on this one.. go to the doctor and you will live.. End of the dreams! too bad i have not reached that boy.. because i wanted to see how that picture of that beautiful moment would.. look like

There was this weird expo of movies, tv-shows and video games I was attending. I remember battling an alien queen (like the one from Duke Nukem 3D: The Birth), which was quite difficult because she could one-shot you with her rockets.

I didn't meant to be gone for so long, but life hit me really hard toward the end of last summer and I was therefore already behind when school had started back up. I think things are finally at a point now where I can focus on dreaming again.

06.02.2015

The End Cave (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I'm in an incredibly large cave, though it does not look like one, camping with my mom, brother, and Cheyenne. There is a wide, rushing river cutting through the middle, with a forest on the side opposite from us. Near the forest is another family of campers. There is something terribly, terribly wrong with this cave.

Cheyenne wakes up frantic in the middle of the night from a bad dream. In the dream, she saw Jesus standing on the other side of the river. He had no eyeballs and he was drowning little children in the river, one by one, like some perverse baptism.

I decide that we need to leave this cave immediately. There is a terrible, heavy feeling in the air, practically suffocating in its intensity. We should not be here. We all run back outside through the small entrance. It feels so good to breathe outside air again! Outside, everything feels normal and calm once more. Unfortunately we've left all our belongings inside and my mom insists that we go back to get them.

The sickening feeling returns at once upon our entrance. I feel physically ill, with an almost unbearable dread of some great unknown. I'm having to support Cheyenne to keep her from falling; she's barely conscious and not responsive. Just as we gather our things, a great howling comes to us from the other side of the river. A pack of coyotes emerge from the forest, though they appear as large as wolves.

Half the pack surrounds the family on the other side of the river, the other half crosses over to us. We run, and despite my assurance that coyotes don't harm people, they begin to attack. I am bitten numerous times as I fight them back from the entrance while the others do everything they can to block it off. The entire time we can hear the other family's screams of agony as they are eaten alive by the pack.

It was middle of the night. I was sitting near a desk with paper and whole jug of tea. I was writing a speech for a lecture. It started from history of hunting traditions, going through thoughts about holocaust, WWII era economy, and ending with criticism of feminism. The whole work was full of chauvinism, Marxism and God only knows what. During writing I drank hectolitres of tea, and in the end when I saw what I've written I almost threwn the desk through a window.