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Disclaimer: This dream journal is about sleep paralysis/demon encounters. I want to clarify that sleep paralysis and intense nightmares like mine aren't normal, nothing about this is normal. I don't recommend that anyone attempt to do this. I've been dealing with SP and demon encounters for over 20 years. It's not something to take lightly or recommend, this is just my own very personal dream life that I'm sharing.

I also want to point out that there's a lot of misinformation in the LD community about LDs causing sleep paralysis, despite how useful LDs are at combatting SP. lucid dreaming didn't cause my SP. Rather, lucidity is the way I've learned how to get out of SP/nightmares and this dream shows how.

Anywho.

As I fell asleep consciously, I felt a demon's claws sinking into my back. Its nails brought an uncanny electrical sensation through my spine, as if a poison was being injected into my spinal cord directly, shooting straight through my nervous system to the rest of my body. This caused waves of pain with occassionally intense spikes, growing more and more intense by the moment. It was dreadful.

The demon was standing behind me (I normally sleep on my side). I don't know if I was paralyzed because I didn't try to move. My goal was to combat this mentally through calm meditation, not physical struggling.

I already know how to break SP with physical movement, and that's not what I wanted to do here. This was a planned encounter. I invited a demon to induce SP.

"This is fine. Keep going." I thought in my mind, wanting the demon to continue as I practiced my mental fortitude to combat the feeling, mentally wrestling with it and pushing it out of my mind. It was overwhelming, but I kept going.

The demon cranked the pain up a tenfold. I started getting severe spikes of pain going through my nervous system every few seconds, increasing in frequency. I stayed calm and still didn't react despite the pain.

I've been inviting this demon to come visit me in my sleep for a few weeks now. Why? Because I'm stagnating, I've exhausted my the resources of my personal dreamwork and I can't figure out how to push myself any other way... I need to grow, I have to keep going. My life is a mess right now and I'm desperate to become stronger so I can deal with it.

The demon stopped after a while, since it wasn't breaking me. I felt its energy fade, and I too was fading into a dreamed version of my bedroom. The color of the walls, lighting, and layout of the house slowly changed in the emergence of the dreamscape. I was still technically my house, just an altered version of it.

I felt an uneasy presence in the room and knew the demon was still standing somewhere nearbby watching me, invisible and waiting.

I decided to walk out into the livingroom. This part I'm not going to share because it's too personal, but one of my insecurities manifested in the next dream scene of loved ones yelling at me, and it quickly snowballed. My calm demeanor slipped as I felt my mind spiral out of control from the insecurities. I was upset. In that moment of clouded thinking, I actually lost my lucidity.

This was not normal. It's rare for me to lose lucidity when I'm upset. This went on for a few minutes before I regained my lucidity. Being upset normally triggers lucidity for me, so I got it back pretty quickly.

I felt the demon laughing at me, though, and realized it did that on purpose. Impressive, I thought, but I was still freaked out. I realized that this demon had found one of my weakness. It couldn't get me with sleep paralysis and pain, so it had (successfully) targeted a psychological weakness instead.

Challenge accepted.

I quickly walked into another room, intending to change the dream scene to get myself out of that negative emotional state. If I could calm down, I could regain control and prevent the demon from weakening me any further.
This was kind of thrilling, I have to admit. I like playing these mental games, and learning from my mistakes.

I suddenly woke up for seemingly no reason, which is unusual for me. I typically always have a reason for waking up, whether because of an alarm, the natural end of a dream, a nightmare, or my own intention to awake... I don't just 'randomly' wake up from my dreams.

So I sat up in bed, unaware that this was a false awakening, which is AGAIN unusual for me. I haven't fallen for an FA in a while, yet this time, I really thought I was awake.

Now nonlucid dreaming, I walked back out into the livingroom and ANOTHER one of my insecurities manifested. Some of my personal embarrassing text messages were revealed to people I didn't want to share them with! Thinking it was really happening, I was mortified. But then I became lucid again (since negative emotions normally trigger lucidity for me) and was incredibly relieved that this embarrassing moment wasn't actually happening.

The demon was laughing at me pretty hard though. I knew it had tricked me into having an FA and being nonlucid.
I suddenly woke up again. The demon was trying it's trick a second time.
"No. Not this time~" I told myself, laughing maniacally.
Fooled me once, shame on me...

I was kind of unsure though, so I did a reality check and it failed. My hands were solid.
Whatever. I don't trust reality checks anyway, so I wasn't nonlucid just yet.
I tried to use dream control next, going to fly upwards towards the wall. Normally my dream control works, but this failed too.

"Huh... " I thought, starting to believe I might actually be awake...
Reality checks and dream control can fail, though, I thought, so I still wasn't fully sold on this being waking reality. I was really thinking hard on this one.
Could still be a dream.
I was determined to not be tricked again and I was pretty sure that my uncertainty meant this was for sure a dream.
What a puzzle.
I normally ALWAYS know when I'm dreaming, so this was... really weird.
The weirdness of it alone made me even more suspicious.

I proceeded to have several more false awakenings, over and over again. Sometimes I knew it was a dream, and other times I wasn't sure, but I felt like the demon was flipping a light switch back and fourth repeatedly trying to break my lucidity.

"Mother-" I cursed and laughed.

Normally I'd be fine continuing this game, it was fun, but I knew I had to get up early in the morning and didn't want my sleep quality to be obliterated tonight (lucidity doesn't affect my sleep quality, but nightmares like this can when they go on for too long).

So I decided I was going to end this by waking myself up.

First, I found an alter for the demon in the dreamscape (which had offerings on it). "Thank you, that was impressive. No hard feelings~" I said to the demon as I destroyed the alter, shoving the whole thing off the table and breaking the artifacts.

Then I woke myself up (for real). I checked the physical reality clock and realized... That whole thing only lasted an hour?!

It felt like 4+ hours had gone by, so I was shocked. This is also unusual of for me, since I've specifically trained myself to not experience time dilation (I don't like when my time perception in dreams doesn't match waking reality).

I reached for the protective pendant I keep on my desk (which keeps demons away, but I had intentionally taken it off before bed as an invitation). It was shoved under my photography lightbox for some reason, kind of wedged under there (not where I put it, but ok). I was going to put it on when I realized the chain was torn off.

This was in waking reality. I searched high and low for the necklace chain. I found the chain on the floor and put my pendant on, did some other protection stuff in the room, and went back to sleep.
Had normal dreams for the rest of the night.

Final note: this dream happened the night before last.

At morning I was really cozy in bed ,so I thought I'll just attempt a wild and try to find that sweet point of balance between consciousness and relaxation...
And somehow I found that goldilocks zone of WILD.
I observed that when I fall asleep it feels like if my eyeballs get under a gentle pressure ,and it feels like I'm focusing into the far horizon of space... and thats when things start to form, and then suddenly I found myself in an empty room.
The dream was lackey still butI didnt care, I called out for N ...repeated her name a few times , thought of her, and then the dream dissolved and I floated up into this kinda fog, void...and started to see a picture...of a room, a messy one, and a door infront opening to another room...and then something else I don't remember... And then I found myself again in an empty house, I went out and found myself in a suburban neighborhood situationed on the lower part of a hill, mountain.
It looked nice , but it was made of the same kind of buildings that are in my neighborhood so I realized that I'm still in my dream... and then I woke up

Known Dreamcharacters: Nikolaj, Anders, etc..

Dream 1:
1st scene:
There was a big person, Nikolaj and I lifted the big guy and my back was injured and I could not lift him anymore. Then the big guy came to me while I was on the ground in pains BC of my back.. Then he kicked me again and again and again... ...

2nd scene:
We were 2 teams and it was like hide and seek. I was on the seeking team. We went to a pile and I looked at it and it looked like a good place to hide, I walked around it and I saw someone inside of it, I couldt get in but hey I found them

3th scene:
Anders is very angry, or mentally twisted. I fled from him by running up some stairs that led to a blind spot. It looked like there was a pool of water but , there was a great distance. I had nothing else to do, I had to jump.. Thankfully I got into the water, but the others were also down there. So we just fled. And I think that Anders attacked Nikolaj.

Bad English.. : )

It's a couple weeks after late to write this... but it's too out-there not to. I don't remember all of the details as freshly as I did when I should have just written this. Anyway, so I'm in this mental ward, but it's more than just a mental ward. It's some kind of prison. The patients are crazy. One of them is constantly at gun-point. If I remember correctly, it was a woman laying on the ground with the back of her head against a wall. I can't remember what she looked like, but it was creepy. At one point I was so freaked out (keep in mind I purposely "act" or "play along" in movie-like dreams such as this because I find it entertaining) that I passed out onto the ground. I woke up to a man licking my face. I (in character, obviously) became creeped out by this. I forget what happened the rest of the time but that's what happens when you delay writing. BAH.

My mind is so messed up, haha.

I'm standing at the top end of a big outdoor staircase with a friend of mine, talking with him, then I look over my shoulder and see a cute girl that can't assemble her bicycle, we keep looking at her, when she starts to take her shirt and bra off, and we are like "fuck yeah" 8D
Then she see us and begins to come over to us, but then she is over at us, she got clothes on again, she then says "I want you to meet Mr *****" and we were like oh fuck it's her husband, and we starts running like hell down the stairs and in to the woods, my friend out runs me, but I keep running and then out of nothing the woods is going straight up like a wall, I start climbing up of it, then I get to the top, I start running again, out of nothing I stop and see that I'm on the ceiling of a old castle, I then look then on the floor and see some people firing bows and arrows, I then look around in the room and look out again, and I see a kinda mental place, there a lot of people is working with clay, I then jump down through the floor, and smashes some of the peoples clay work, I then start to throw with the clay because I thinks it looks funny and kinda like shit 8D
I then want to go out to take a piss, but there is a big black bodyguard, stopping me and saying "you can't go out there, because Robbie Williams is out there and he is FUCKED up", so I turn around and out of nothing again all the people is sitting at laptops, I then to over to one of them and see a chocolate milk, I reach out for it, then a person grabs my arm and say "you can't take that" and I'm like why not? he then says "because its just like mine" and he is showing me a Pepsi.
I then wake up

Non-Lucid
(Side Notes)


May 19th, 2011 - I will try my best to remember my dream. I am not capable of remembering full things so I can have loads of paragraphs on it, but I can have minor bits and pieces that will help improve my memory and dream recall. These are in no specific order unless I state so.


I remember being in a hotel room and Mom telling me she got me an Agent of some sort and that I was going to meet them in a few days to discuss possible acting gigs. There was a paper with a line I had to practice but I can not remember what it was. I do remember at some point saying “I'll be waking up soon anyways. This is just a dream!” or something along those lines, but I did not become lucid. It then skipped a bit to where I was in some sort of psychiatric hospital ( more like the psyh. ward in a prison.) I think I was originally supposed to be shooting a scene or meeting with some big wigs because of the Agent mom got me previously, but that changed. If I remember correctly, I had a white t-shirt on under some sort of button-up smock of a dark greenish color ( like the strong-hold clothes they make suicidal people wear at the hospital in Concord) and pants made of the same thick material. A guard who was dressed in a uniform that resembled deputies in small country towns (greenish colored) were about with batons/night-sticks. There were two different executions going on but I am not sure if they were jokes or not though I did get the sense in my dream that they were joking. I had to use the bathroom so I headed to the communal one and I remember being in a narrow stall going pee-pee. Some random people were leaving as I went. I started feeling tired in my dream as I usually do when I am close to waking up. A guard with blonde hair twirling a night-stick came in to see why was taking so long. He almost resembled a semi-younger version of Anthony Michael Hall, but a pointier nose like Patrick Wilson's. It took me a couple minutes to wipe myself because I was weak and tired. At that point, another guard – a black one – came in and was about to open the side of the stall but I screamed:

“Don't come in, I'm naked!” As a joke

I flushed the toilet then waltzed out of the stall and yelled “free ballin” . I was fully clothed and magically wearing some sort of black spandex type pants. The black guard left and the other one watched as I washed my hands. I think he made a few cracks about taking too long to rinse my hands and about taking too much paper towels which was when I said I liked to use a lot. I remember talking to him about not remembering much about why I was there and I think he thought I was a tranny because he was talking about something....and motioning to his neck as if I had an adam's apple. I said something like

“Well I can't remember a whole lot due to my accident...” and at that point, we walked down the hall where a few “patients” and a guard were gathered. Someone was wrapped up like a mummy and hanging by their neck. The Guard chopped the persons head off and it rolled to the ground. I remember jumping back and being scared while the guard escorting me continued walking. I had to squeeze between the dead body and patients, then step around the head when a girl screamed “BOO!” and I muttered something like “stop you fucking whore”. I woke up a few minutes later.

Very odd dream indeed. I am really hoping to improve my dream recall and have more vivid dreams because I am really ticked off at the fact that I can only remember small fragments. It's hard describing them that way.

Type: regular dream.
Lucidity: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Vividness: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

It began with me simply walking along the sidewalk in the day time. I was in a city area, but not the grungy inner-city sort of area. It was more like a polished, nice area where all the glass business buildings were. I walked past banks and coffee shops, and then a dog ran up to me.

It was mottled black and brown, with small accents of orange-brown all over its body. It was a cuter version of a golden retriever with longer fur, so it was a bit fluffier, and was about the height of my waist. It came up to me and started licking my hands. I crouched down and petted it, and I could have sworn it nodded to me slightly.

The dream fast-forwarded and I was in a large room that looked almost like it'd belong to part of a mall, with light speckled tiles and large windows along the walls, leading to other smaller rooms. It looked like this, minus the futuristic wavy stuff and blue tiles in the center, as well as the brand names along the walls.

There was a circle of chairs, the kind that one would find in a school, each with legs at least ten feet tall. There were a person sitting in each of these chairs, including me. I looked down momentarily and we were quite a ways up, since the chairs' legs were so long. I recognized one of my classmates, a taller, lanky girl with blonde hair. The other was a girl, shorter with messy black and plum hair, and a black hoodie with tighter blue jeans. She went to my school the previous year.

It was a mental institution (I was one of two caretakers), and I knew this immediately. The girl with the black hair quickly wiped her arm across her nose and looked around, seeming slightly awkward. The blonde girl was sitting in the chair beside me. I got some strange vibe from her, and she kept looking at me and then away again, but not in a creepy manner. I became slightly unnerved and decided to talk to her. "Hello," I said, trying to sound interested, "you're new here. What's your name?"

She looked away and scoffed minutely. "My name doesn't matter. You know who I am."

I looked away, raising my eyebrows, and when I looked back I saw the same dog I met earlier in the dream. The girl was gone. I gasped and a few other people sitting in the circle turned their heads. They looked at me, then at the dog, and looked confused. "You can't see what just happened?" I asked them. They nodded their heads back and forth.

They can't see it.

I looked back and the girl was there again. "I came here because you're very kind. I want you to be my owner. But don't tell the others... They can't see me."