non-lucid

Will post some older ones, going backwards in time. This one was from the night of July 29th, 2022.

What felt like one dream though it bounced all over the place. So much there, have to do it in bullets…Know I don’t have enough in me for narrative.
• Initial theme was a visit, a reunion of sorts, at Tech
• Stayed in my old dorm room, though it was larger, and loftless. Did have at least one bed.
• Bed unimportant, as I stayed up all night smoking pot.
• I was alone throughout most of the pot smoking, but knew Anton, Cecil, and a couple were there (for the Tech reunion) with me.
• Of the couple – it was a guy who I had known only slightly in the past, and his wife, who I knew not at all. On waking, I thought his name to be Brian Anderson (not the real one), though I don’t think that’s right.
• During the pot smoking, the room was almost full dark, only light to be had was of an orangish quality coming in through the windows from the street.
• I sat on the floor, smoking from a glass piece, trying my best to exhale out the open window.
• People came in and out of the room, and I was mildly concerned that the smell of weed must be wafting out into the halls.
• Eventually dorm monitors did arrive. Scott (funny, the names you remember vs the names you don’t), and one other self-important jock type. They wore matching blue t-shirts, and postured almost comically in the doorway.
• I remember checking their line of sight…Looking behind me to see what drugs or paraphernalia might be visible to them. The glass was on the floor, most everything else was at least partially obscured by a chair.
• Cecil was there when Scott and friend arrived, and maybe the couple too. I was prepared to self-identify as the lone source of the weed smoke when Scott and friend closed the door and left.
• At some point, not 100% sure if it was before or after the visit from the dorm monitors, I put my bowls in my backpack. There were now two, the glass one and a hammer. Somehow, the apparently still lit bowl (not sure at this point which one) was getting airflow. I would see the cherry glow inside my backpack, glow flaring, then receding, then flaring again. Writing about it, could describe it as the bowl being drawn upon on its own, but never felt that way in the dream. In the dream, it was more like wind was blowing over the cherry (inside my backpack), though I don’t remember any wind in the room. Opening my pack to take the bowl back out increased the airflow, and the cherry’s glow became brighter. I tried to suck in the smoke coming off of it, not wanting to waste any.
• Think there were actually two backpack cherry sequences. The one above, then one later, after I had done my inventory.
• After Scott and friend had left, I decided it might be a good idea to gather everything up. Wasn’t necessarily planning on leaving, just wanted to make sure that things weren’t so obvious if anymore so called authority stopped by.
• The glass was on the floor again, and there was so much weed. I had a cardboard flat, like the ones I bring my beer home in, and placed it behind the chair. The glass went in first, then I began loading the weed into it. It was all loose, there was so much of it, and of so many different shapes and varieties. Nugs of all sizes, from goose eggs down to pebbles, shreds, and varieties that looked more like houseplants. Remember one in particular that was more like yucca leaves.
• The larger pieces, I could simply pick up and put in the cardboard flat. A lot of it though, I had to scrape up off the floor with cupped hands. When I was done, the flat was filled, the pile (topped by the ones that looked more like houseplants) rose six to eight inches above the walls of the flat.
• I remember wondering how I ever fit all that weed in my duffel (yes, had a duffel in addition to my backpack), and how I got it past airport security.
• Back to my backpack, although maybe this scene occurred at the same time as the earlier one. Maybe think they’re different, because in the first go around, both the glass and the hammer where in the backpack. This time, it was just the hammer. Same phenomenon though. Cherry flaring, then receding, through some unknown source of air circulation. This time I was worried about the cherry falling out of the bowl, and igniting the contents of my backpack.
• Of course, that’s exactly what happened. Although I probably caused it to happen by jostling the pack in my efforts to open it and extract the bowl. I couldn’t find it, or rather, I couldn’t grasp it in time, as I saw the cherry spill. Took some time then to locate it, but I finally did, sitting near the collar of one of my t-shirts. Miraculously, it had not even singed, let alone burned, the shirt.
• During the dorm room scene, I had interactions with Cecil, Anton, and the couple. Only interaction remembered was a conversation with “Brian Anderson” and his wife, where they were surprised to find that I had been up all night. I found their surprise humorous, somehow.
• There’s a gap in my memory here. Next remembered piece is of being alone in an urban setting, pretty sure a K-Mart parking lot to be exact. I call it a “gap” rather than a “jump…” I think I dreamed of leaving the dorm and walking through city streets (definitely not my college town, memories of neon skyscrapers), I just can’t recall specifics from that portion of the dream.
• Frankly don’t know if I had left the dorm with the intention of finding a shopping cart, or if the idea struck me when I found the shopping cart in the K-Mart parking lot, but either way, I was going to use the cart to transport my cardboard flat overflowing with weed.
• Nothing special about the cart, just a silver open-topped cage on wheels, like you’d find at a grocery store (or a K-Mart.)
• I started wheeling it back to the dorm. I knew it was an awful long trek back, and even in my dream realized there must be an easier way to transport my weed. Didn’t’ matter though…This was the course I had decided upon.
• The K-Mart was in an industrial part of town, my walk back to the dorm began through streets crowded with low, commercial buildings. Remember specifically an auto shop, but nothing else stands out.
• Remember little of my walk pushing the shopping cart, with the exception of one scene in which I was in a covered parking garage. Mostly on the flats, but I do recall pushing the cart up a ramp to a higher level at one point. How this was supposed to get me closer to the dorm is a mystery.
• Full jump, don’t think this one is a gap…No feeling that I ever made it back to the dorm.
• This sequence may have come after the upcoming singing sequence, or maybe it replayed. Or maybe they ran simultaneously. Or maybe I was dreaming in Tarrantino…Had this sequence, then the singing, then came back to what immediately followed this one. Anyway, was in an apartment with Brian Anderson and his wife.
• The apartment was more or less devoid of any furnishings, white walls, and sunlit.
• A word on Brian Anderson. In reality, he’s a dreamstranger. In the dream, he was someone I had known tangentially long ago, and had not seen since. He was taller than me, broad of shoulder, with close cropped dark brown hair. Very similar to the dreamstranger in the wildlife preserve dream who was displeased that I only let on that I needed a ride to the airport after we had started drinking, but larger. Of his wife, she was extremely short, with shoulder length brown hair. Non-descript, and I don’t believe she said a single word throughout the dream, either in the dorm, in the apartment, or in the SUV scene that followed.
• Also 100% sure his name wasn’t Brian Anderson, and wonder why that’s the name that I gave him upon waking. Will need to take a peek at my yearbooks. Funny, I can remember Scott's name, but I can’t with certainty place Brian Anderson. Think I know, think he was the one who claimed to be fucking by second or third grade (as related to a bunch of us over breakfast in the elementary school cafeteria), but I can’t for the life of me remember the name of the one who had me ostracized in fifth grade. (Remembered an hour or so after writing this line…That was a Brian…Brian F.) Post Script: There is no Brian Anderson in my yearbook. The grade school stud was Brian D. I did remember correctly on Brian F.
• Though there are no specific scenes to point to that explained it, during the course of the reunion, Brian Anderson and I had become fast friends. There in the apartment, we talked about how glad we both were that we had this opportunity to get to know one another, wondering why it hadn’t happened during our earlier acquaintance.
• Because of our fast friendship, there were rumors that Brian Anderson and I had become lovers. We laid in a window box, forehead to forehead, and laughed about these rumors. We were both so thankful for our new friendship, we couldn’t care less about what people thought, and said so to one another.
• Another full jump, and I don’t think the scene here was connected at all to the reunion. I was walking through city streets in the daytime, on my way to some sort of event. Not sure what to call it…Guess festival or concert comes closest, but neither is quite right. Ahead and to my left I could see the roof that hung over the open air venue…a hard, plastic dome of glossy cartoonish red adorned with multi-colored (lots of yellow and blue) flags and small spires. It didn’t tower over the city buildings, but had just enough elevation to not be obscured.
• I was still at quite a distance from the site of the event (maybe half a dozen city blocks), but I could already hear the music. Nothing I’d be interested in…Faceless contemporary light pop probably describes it best.
• The venue itself had a footprint the size of a soccer stadium. The stage was dominant, taking up the entire area of what would have been the pitch. The dome I had seen from a distance covered all of the stage, held aloft by pillars of the same cartoonish red. The stage was of this color too.
• Seating didn’t match what the size of the stage would seem to warrant. Along one of the long edges of the field were bleachers, the size and capacity of Sahlen’s Stadium in Cary. This is where I found myself. The other long edge of the field had no seating at all. At both ends, behind where goals would be on a soccer pitch, were benches on rising steps. These were painted all different colors. Muted though, unlike the garish colors of the stage and dome.
• Upon arriving at the venue, I saw a YouTube like video of one of the upcoming performers. Unclear on how I saw it, don’t remember specifically watching on my phone, not sure if it was projected somewhere at the venue…Might have been a full field of vision thing, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t see it until I was already there. The video was of a young girl, about Shady’s age, and it detailed some hardship she had overcome. It was emotional, and left you feeling joy for this girl and her triumph.
• The little girl took the stage and sang her song. Couldn’t tell you a thing about it, other than that it was every bit as emotional, and beautiful, as the video had been. I knew I wanted Shady to see it, and walked the bleachers looking for the perfect vantage point. Found it near the right hand end of the stage, high in the low bleachers.
• Jump to a repeat of my walk to the venue, dome in the distance ahead and to the left. This time though, was with Bruce, Shady, and Julie.
• Other than that view of the venue from afar, remember nothing of the walk there. We were “inside,” in the bleachers though not yet at the spot I had chosen. I talked up the young performer to Bruce and Shady…Don’t think they had yet seen the YouTube-like video.
• Julie rejoined us. Not sure where she had been…She was with us during the walk to the venue, but once there had left us briefly. She had bubble gum in her eye. On her eyeball. A small piece, stuck to the eyeball, and stretching down over the lower eyelid. It was nearly the same color as the dome, though more pinkish. She had no idea it was there until I called her attention to it.
• I tried to get us to move to the location I had chosen…The performer would be starting soon. Julie thought she had spotted a better seat though, on the benches behind where the goal would have been, on the opposite end of stage from where I wanted us. She pointed to a specific bench, calling it out by color. The bench was a plum color, though that’s not the word she used. The dream jumped again before we settled on a location or saw the performer.
• The jump was back to the apartment with Brian Anderson and his wife. Or rather, parked outside the apartment in an SUV with them. Maybe them…Maybe it was just him.
• The SUV was excessively roomy, roomier than any SUV outside of the dreaming. I was in the back with Brian Anderson and his toddler.
• This was the first I had seen of Brian Anderson’s son, although his existence came as no surprise to me. He was strange looking…Stocky, with nearly adult facial features, balding, and wearing dockers and a button up shirt. He talked like a toddler though, only one in a dozen “words” intelligible. He crawled and flipped all over me and Brian Anderson like a toddler too.
• Not sure where we were planning on going in the SUV, but knew we shouldn’t leave quite yet. Even though the toddler couldn’t form proper words, he was communicating just fine. At least to me. Not sure why his dad couldn’t figure it out, but it was clear to me that the young man needed to take a shit. Not sure why I didn’t just say that to Brian Anderson, but I didn’t.
• Eventually, the toddler flopped off of us, and rolled under the seat in front of us. As he did, he managed to enunciate the word “toot.” At that, Brian Anderson understood the need, and I awoke.

Here's (one of) my dream(s) from last night.

Random, chaotic dream activity last night, no hint of lucidity yet. Maybe worth noting that I had a successful (if short) period of meditation prior to sleep last night. Wonder how long it’s been since that happened.

The most memorable sequence (or at least the most remembered), started with me dreaming I was someone else. I was the apartment dweller whom I’d later identify as a surrogate Lula, walking through halls in a rush to get home. I had a Sony Discman, through whose headphones I was hearing reports that police were searching people’s apartments for guns, owing to the riots going on outside. The Discman sat on my hip, against the below the knee beige skirt I wore.

Think “riot” is probably even a bit strong. Would become Armageddon later, but in the beginning, think it was just a minor disturbance. Anyway, I was in a rush to get home, as there was a gun in my apartment, my boyfriend’s gun. I entered the elevator that would take me to my floor, and was quickly joined by two dreamstrangers. Seems one was an older woman, I can’t recall anything about the other.

At some point during the elevator ride, the dream switched to me being me again. This must have happened during the elevator ride, as I realized I had no idea which apartment I was looking for. When the elevator came to a stop, all three of us disembarked, on a floor with (thankfully) only three apartments. One near the elevator, the other two at the end of a short dead end hall. Everything (walls, floors, apartment doors) was very white, made even whiter by fluorescent lighting. I walked slowly, stalling to see which apartments my elevator companions went to. One keyed themselves into the apartment near the elevator, the other entered the apartment on the left hand end of the hall. Reaching in my pocket, I found I had a door key, but I think as soon as I touched the door to the third apartment it began to swing open.

The apartment looked to have only one room, dominated by a huge bed. Facing it from the door, the headboard was on my left hand, the foot on my right. A large window was directly opposite the door, letting in the night sky. I immediately noticed the messiness, the disorganization. Not like garbage or anything, but piles of clothes heaped on the floor, and a chest of drawers behind the bed, running the full length of the headboard, with drawers open and spilling their contents. The bed itself was in similar disarray…There was a bunched-up quilt-like comforter, and more piles of clothes.

As I stood in the threshold, I saw out of the corner of my eye a large black dog trotting down the hallway toward me. It was the size of a full grown lab, though not a lab, probably a mongrel. While I stood there, trying to decide whether or not I should enter the apartment quickly so as to shut the dog out, it angled beside me, not showing any interest toward me, and crossed into the room. Its easy entrance convinced me the dog lived here. I followed, and closed the door behind me.

Once inside, I saw there were two more dogs. These were also solid black, but much smaller. The first dogs pups, I assumed. Not puppies, they were larger than that…Maybe half way to maturity. I realized they had been shut up in the apartment all day, and thought I’d need to take them out to do their business. I saw a tangle of collars and leashes on the floor, but wondered how I could manage with three dogs. I also realized I had nothing with which to pick up their waste.

Finding the gun took precedence over walking the dogs though. I climbed onto the bed, and began feeling around in the drawers. A light wave of anxiety hit me. I wanted to finish and be gone before the boyfriend got home. I didn’t have a plan for what to do with the gun, I just felt it was important to get it out of the apartment before the police arrived to search.

The only drawers in the chest which were accessible were the top two. All the others were blocked by the headboard. These two drawers were filled with a profusion of small items of clothing, and random objects. Though I dug around in the top drawer, I felt as though I would find no gun there. I turned and saw the two smaller dogs looking at me, the mother had laid down. I was suddenly on the floor. Having my attention, one of the two smaller dogs began approaching me…It’s eyes were so worried and sorrowful, I decided to abandon the search for the gun and take them all outside after all.

Outside, the disturbance had become Armageddon. I saw myself in third person, in a grassy, sloping area with tall apartment buildings all around. There were people milling about everywhere, most armed, and fires. Enough fires that everything was cast in an orange glow, enough fires to cause the sky to flicker orange, red, and yellow. Despite the violence of the scene, the dream had no nightmare quality to it.

I’m as sure as I can be that it was a straight jump from deciding to walk the dogs to the third person view of myself amidst Armageddon. No memory of what happened in between…No memory, because I don’t believe I actually dreamed of anything in between. I was just there. In the undreamed in between, I had been with the surrogate Lula who lived in the apartment. This was simply understood. She had given me the gun. I saw myself in profile, maybe twenty yards distant from my point of view, holding the gun at my side on the Armageddon plain.

In the apartment, I had been searching for a handgun. Turns out the gun was actually a pistol grip shotgun. Though I was idle during the majority of the Armageddon plain scene, at one point my point of view changed. Still third person, I was behind myself now, watching as I fired the gun at beasts descending from the fiery sky. They were like very small dragons, or pterodactyls, about a dozen in number.

Another jump, and I was back in the apartment with the surrogate Lula. We had become lovers, and were lying together in bed. I know the status of her boyfriend figured into the dream, but I have no recollection of it now. We realized we had left the dogs outside. The pile of collars and leashes was still in the same place on the floor as it was before.

Another jump, and the surrogate Lula and I sat facing one another on the bed. She was folding clothes and crying gently. She talked about how she had never expected to find this, with me, and how monstrous it was that the finding only occurred on the eve of the end of the world.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

A family friend comes ask for help. Their kid is being victim of revenge porn: some guys took got of her topless and there is a video and her data posted on a porn website. I take the case to a friend who is both a detective and a hacker and he assures me he can take it down. I am relieved because I wasn't sure if it was possible. I tell the good news to the family and they are overjoyed. They offer us a place to stay while my friend sorts this out. In the process, we find other women in the same situation and we help them.

There is gonna be a school reunion party and I am at the venue to help out with the preparations a few days in advance. I find a vending machine that is broken and giving 10x more money than what we put in. I start mining it and others who find out feel it's disonest and judge me, but I don't care. At the day of the party I get all dressed up, very sexy with a very tight tube dress, one shoulder off, my long hair flowing. I prepared some treats at home with the help of my mom and as I walk to the place, carrying the treats, I start stumbling upon school colleagues who bullied or despised me. I see some jaws dropping when they recognize me, the guys are elbow bumping each other. I put the treats I brought on a table and I go meet some ladies I know. They are preparing to take a group photo. I wonder how long it will take. Someone says today is the day my crush will ask me to dance, but guys don't seem to be interested in dancing at all and I honestly just want to use the vending machine as I came prepared with a purse full of coins!

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

With my parents, but in a totally diferent reality and time. it looks like the middle ages and our life is not so good. I have told them that I want to live independently and depart from their home. Apparently I had planned to sail away in a raft and it took time for them to accept the idea. Then one day, it's them who tell me I must leave for good, I guess they're upset with my choices. But it's almost night and I realize I will spend my first hours of sailing across the sea in the total darkness of the night and then I realize I did not think this through. I realize I will probably die alone and agonizing and don't know why I didn't consider all that beforehand. So I do leave, but I don't take the raft, instead I go to the docks and enlist with the crew of a big ship that is hiring staff. I go as a maid, to serve food and drinks to men. It is a dangerous position, but the owner and captain of the boat, a rich spoiled kid, fancies me and so he offers me protection. Later on he decides he wants to marry me, which I accept, expecting my life to turn around, because he is much more wealthy. And it does go according to expected, but he is also an abusive jerk who makes my life a living hell. If I run away, I'll have nothing again, so I keep delaying the decision. Thanks to my position as a wife of a rich man, I got to know a princess that is also miserable in her life. Her husband is also a piece of shit. One day, everybody is gossiping about the domestic violence that goes on in the palace, because everyone can hear her screams and desperate cries coming from a tower of the palace. I get closer to try to check up on her and I get to see her yelling at her husband because of some infidelity, I suppose. She seems to be over it for good. I make plans to meet her secretly and convince her to leave with me. At least she has easy access to jewels and money, which can make it easier for both of us and allows to start a new life somewhere else.

Then we are on the run and find a place where we try to blend in and be accepted. I get a job but it is not going well. At the same time I want to embrace my real self and I decide to change gender. I start taking male hormones and with time my features change a little, my voice gets thicker and I am pleased with the changes. My friend/partner asks me something about my lady parts and I mention they are a bit different too and my boobs smaller, but for now pretty much I am still female underneath and plan to stay so for the moment.
Then for some reason I am meeting back with my parents, who already know of my transition and accept it well. But my paternal uncles and aunts are also there (actually the real ones I have IRL, even the deceased ones) and I am afraid of their reaction. Strangely, they all react very naturally, congratulate me for being so brave and ask me if I always wanted it. They sound all very respefcful except for a moment I hear one of them ask my parents about the size of my new dick (which I don't have) and because of a misunderstanding of a gesture my dad makes, they all end up laughing because it is interpreted as if I had a penis the length of my leg. I am really surprised that besides that, they are being very understanding and suportive. Bu then my mom calls me to the side and tells me not to trust my aunt Maria da Luz because she is pretending to be so accepting, but secretly calling it a demonic thing and praying for it to go away.

With Riverstone and NightHawk and I am feeling some pain so NightHawk offers to massage my legs and arms as I sit on something. I am surprised but glad with the offer. He is very gentle and I am melting away with his touch. Riverstone is getting a bit jealous, but I don't care. I caress back when our hands touch and then something weird happens, like one of his arms stretch like a tentacle and goes between my legs, under my butt and reaches my back and somehow he massages my back while I am feeling aroused by his tentacle-arm between my legs.

I am on a train, like the movie Snowpiercer. I am trying to reach some wagon in the front of the train without being noticed by the dwellers on other wagons. Not an easy task and I am trying to do it by swinging on the outside using a rope. But at some point I really need to go through some wagons, so I infiltrate and try to blend in. There is one guy though, who knows me from school when we were young, he recognizes me when I come inside and knows that I am up to no good. I don't know what he is going to do, so I sit in a seat and wait for him to approach me. He does and he puts his hand on my leg, harassing me and making threats that he'll denounce me if I don't obey him. But I don't. Someone enters or exits the wagon and I use the opportunity to push myself into the next one. There everyone is partying and it's noisy and strobe lights flashing, so I feel it is easier to disappear in the crowd, but everyone is acting like zombies and just moving the least possible, while walking in a circle around the wagon. I join in to blend in but then I see an open passage to the next wagon, where the party continues but people look a bit more normal. The music is hypnotic and takes the best of me. I start dancing like crazy, doing really weird creepy moves, like I am possessed or a true zombie from the Thriller videoclip. Instead of going unnoticed, everybody is staring at me as they've never seen anything like it. But they all look mesmerized. Then I take it up a notch and add some extremely sexy moves and the result is like I just showed a piece of meat to a pack of angry wolves. Both men and women look at me as if they want to eat me with sheer lust for me. When the music stops they are literally like "she's mine! she's mine!" and they all chase me. I escape to the next wagon and it is their sleeping areas, with many rooms along a corridor. I hide in one of them that seems to be full of children in bunkbeds. One of the girls wakes up and is scared and wants to call for help, but I tell her it's ok, that I am hiding from actual bad people out there. She believes me and she calms down. Then from the darkness comes a big black wolf with red eyes. Not a stranger demon though. I know him and he knows me. His intentions could be to help me or harm me. At first I am scared because he looks at me like "well, well, look who we have here?" as he starts walking slowly towards me and corners me against the wall. I have nothing with me that I can use as a weapon and I know I'll be dead if he attacks me. But he doesn't harm me. Instead he is determined to help, so he takes my side by side and we tell the kids not to be afraid as we prepare to face the mob of attackers chasing me.

2022 July 4th

Long dream. Left recall a bit late and wasn't sure how to describe some bits. Didn't sleep well.

Fragment:

In the first part I am with H and another couple. We are in some kind of airport place? There's not that many people. I offer to pay for a trip to Germany to the other couple, which might be where they're from. I have some ulterior motive (can't recall what).

(recall gap)

Me and H arrive at some building in a car and then we have to go through some kind of trials and it's a bit like a game? The first notable room I recall is like a theatre hall and a bit of a church. It's kind of low for the type of hall it is. The wood in the hall seems to have a yellow tone like it's all gold leafed. Red curtains.

(recall gap)

Then I'm somewhere else with sibling T. Somewhere more like an industrial complex but on canyons. We try to connect some power things but I'm not sure what they do.

(recall gap)

In a similar kind of canyon area with floating sections and things like that. We are struggling to find the way from one floating section to the underside of an arching canyon. I use a kind of grapple thing and make it. On this small underside ledge, there is a mouth-like opening and clawed tentacles await and look aggressive. I keep myself teetering on the edge and holding on to the rock above with my left hand, using some weapon on my right hand to slowly pick off all the tentacles. My brother doesn't try to jump to the same ledge. After I've killed all the tentacles, I step toward the mouth opening and feel a bit annoyed this is the only way down. I don't particularly feel like getting wet. It looks fleshy at first but as I make my way down its oesophagus the experience seems to become more neon/digital and less accurate.

(recall gap)

In a more abstract place in which we have to run through over these procedural platforms and kill enemies. It feels like a CoD game.

(rest of recall lost)



2022 July 9th

Dream:

I'm outside on a street. I'm cutting down a streetlight post using one of my palette knives. Somehow, I'm managing alright to cut through the thick steel. But as I apply force, eventually the handle gives and breaks off from the blade.

Then I'm indoors at home. I'm asking H to fix the palette knife and saying I need to go back quickly to finish it. I mention that the wires inside could be live and half jokingly H says we could do with the insurance money.

Before that, outside on those same streets. They're not from any waking location. Looks more like from a game. Some house appears and disappears when I look in a certain direction. Before that I'm talking to mom but still in this place. I'm asking her about some hallucinations. She tells me that it could be because of the person I work for(?), inheriting their psychic stresses or something.

Scraps:

Earlier. Something at some kind of hotel place. (from earlier awakening)

V messaged me saying hello on Discord. I reply "Oh, hey" but can't recall anything else.



Notes:
- The oesophageal segment is probably the most memorable part of that dream, as at the time of writing this over a month later it's one of the few bits I can recall clearly, visually. It's also one of few occasions I've had of such nature, I think all of which have only happened in the last few years, despite the fact that themes of "consumption" have always been with me.
-- On spending a bit more time re-reading the dream, some of the rest of visual elements have come back to me. Some of the floating/canyon areas have similarities with some BL biomes.

- I think when I replied to V's message, that dream had ended and I woke up at that time.

2022 July 2nd

Left recall until late in the day. This one might be in DFLN but I'd have to go find it for linking.

Fragment:

I'm outside, night time. I'm with H and we're by some shop or similar place? H works here apparently and he wants to get inside for some reason but it's all closed, so he smashes a window and we get inside. I forget what we do or look for, but I worry about him losing his job for it. (not actually his job)

(recall gap)

At some kind of hotel/casino place. I'm at a sub-level lobby, there are some sofas and other comfort things. There's also a slot machine in a corner by a sofa. I'm sitting on the sofa and try out the slot machine one time. It spins and I win, not the best amount it could pay out, but something like 1837? Then I get distracted by someone like Donald Trump who's in the room with me now, I just know that he apparently owns the casino place. He's not feeling too well and we talk about it, possibly something he's eaten. I either tell him I'll get him some help or get him to come to the nearby lift with me.

(recall gap)

Something in a similar area, likely still part of the same segment. Elizabeth II is here and is taking part in some kind of tour? There's also some sort of activism going on.



2022 July 3rd

Fragment:

I'm at a dream version of a mix of my old home and the house we live in now. It's early morning, something like 4AM. I am down in the kitchen area which has large sliding pane windows that are also doors, rather than latching windows. Outside, I see police officers in the backyard patio area. The patio has stone flags and a garden table and chairs, as well as some planters. At first I dismiss this and presume they are just being thorough and that they are here because of a neighbour.

Then a bit later I'm somewhere else in the house, possibly upstairs, and a police officer lady talks to me and tells me that they have to search our house. I don't understand why and feel a bit reluctant and emotional, possibly getting in their way a bit. She tells me that they didn't want to but that it's procedure as set out by the "central AI computer" which tells them what to investigate or something. I still feel distressed by their searching but feel more accepting of it now that they've told me that's it's just something they have to do because the AI told them to.

Later they're gone and I'm in a version of our bedroom with H; he was asleep through all of this and I'm still a bit distressed as I tell him all about everything that happened.

(recall gap)

At one point I'm somewhere in the USA and I get away from California just in time to miss some massive quakes there. I'm in Arizona now maybe? Here there are very large fires or something but I feel safer. Something about a transit hub and talking to people.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

At my house, but it is much bigger. My dad comes by, unnanounced, with my uncle Zé, aunt and cousins and I have a meltdown because my house is a total mess and I am not feeling well enough to receive guests. Nobody cares. They take my cousin Duarte to a bedroom where he is looked after by two nurses. He is on IV, taking shots, crying in pain. I hold his hand lovingly in support him and ask what's going on but he doesn't say.

I return home after some time away and I am appalled to find it occupied and in very bad condition. The bathroom has water dripping, the sink is clogged, there is trash all over. Then some guys enter the bathroom completely naked and someone else is recording and taking pictures of them while they mock me. The place seems to have been taken over by a bunch of people who are basically shameless pigs. They invite me to join them for a meal but I refuse. They get pissed and take me and other strangers outside where they reveal they will take control of our minds and bodies, like parasitic zombies. They do something and I lose control of my body, they move it like a puppet, but my mind resists. Eventually I break out of their control and I escape and run to a mountain where I encounter a resistance group.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

At my home, but it functions as an extra-curricular activities centre. Kids are being looked after by a couple adults. Outside, my dogs are getting in trouble at the gate. I go check it out and find Soraia escaped the fence and is somehow outside with two horses. Three people come by for a supposed delivery and I find it strange as I am not expecting anything. I don't let them come in. They say the delivery is for a Joana and insist on getting inside to hand it to her. I say she is my coworker and I'll get her and they are rude to me, saying they can't wait.

On some kind of colony in a harsh planet. It has beautiful beaches, but we only go outside in certain times and weather conditions. There are really sudden high tides among other extreme events and the sun is really deadly. One day I fail to get home on time and get caught in a rising tide and upcoming high sun radiation. I see another person at risk, with a small kid, and I try to help them out. I dont succeed, but they are lucky and they escape. I, on the other hand, end up near a cave where I seek shelter. I find inscriptions on the cave and a bunch of leafs from a tree floating on a little puddle of water. The inscriptions talk about an ointment from those leaves, which make for an amazing skin protector and I decide to try it. It is truly miraculous and from then on it allows anyone to freely move outside during the day and even go to the "red" side of the planet, which is scorching hot and unhinabitable.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Attending my guru's teachings in some resort somewhere. The architecture of the place kinda reminds me parts of Greece or Turkey, with white buildings in rammed earth. I am taken to my dorm, which is a really bizarre very narrow room with shelves sticking out of the wall that are supposed to be sort of bunk beds, but with no stairs to climb up and no guard rails to prevent falling during sleep. Besides that, they are really high up, some are like 2 or 3 meters high and I wonder how people get up there, or how they come down if they need to pee at night. The only way is using someone else's bed as steps to go up and down.
I then go back out to check the registration table for the event and it is a bit chaotic with people arriving and making a lot of noise. I spot my teacher arriving. I look absolutely exhausted and don't want him to see my face so I kind pull my hair to cover my face. I think he spots me anyway and he looks puzzled with my hairdo. I look like a mix of a sexy mysterious gal and a crazy lunatic lady.
I return to my dorm to refresh and change clothing, so I take my travel bag to the bathroom with me. As I prepare to shower, I retrieve my hygiene products from my bag, but I hold it in the air over the toilet, which has no lid, and the unthinkable happens: my bag is open and all my clothes fall into the toilet. For some reason they don't just stay there, the water is running a little bit, so the clothes are sucked into the pipes. In despair I try to retrieve them, and I need to get deeper and deeper into the toilet bowl until I get my last clothing item from inside the drainage pipe, my whole arm inside it. I feel disgusted and completely defeated that I have nothing to wear that didn't fell inside the toilet.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Working as a maid at the mansion of some filthy rich dudes. Some alarm goes off and they go around looking for something suspicious, but no one can't find any intruder. But I spot him. He is dressed as the help and considering this is a huge palace with dozens of employees, no one pays attention or noticed he is not one of us. But I see him robbing silver and gold stuff, sneaking from one room to another. I follow him into an office and he realizes that I've figured it out. But he doesn't feel intimidated, he notices I am not yelling to denounce him. He just nods his head like saying "Go ahead, serve yourself of some to." and I do! I rob a bunch of gold necklaces and other jewels, wrapping them in table cloths and right under the nose of the bosses, hide them in my pockets. I then follow the other guy trhough a window to the garden and we leave.

Looking at a mirror and instead of my face, I see my guru reflected on it. And he looks pretty aware that I am seeing him. Then it gets weirder and I have trouble explaining it in a 3 dimensional way, but it is like he is also holding another mirror in front of him and his reflection is me. And we are both aware that I see myself as him and he sees himself as me, but not straight up like a mirror image and more like a mirror within a mirror thing. Then I am suddenly not myself and I am some tibetan lady in the past with an intricate hairdo with really long braids with beads and other decorations. While I admire the intricacy of it, someone comes in the room and refers to me as princess.

I'm in a medieval fantasy world much reminiscent of Oblivion or Skyrim. I see one guy, wearing oddly modern clothes, mindlessly shuffling around. He looks and acts like a zombie, but no one cares. He's being used for manual labor, or something. A bit later, I've climbed a steep rock wall and I'm hanging off the side (Assassin's Creed style), looking out over what I know to be the edge of the map. I wonder what's beyond it. I reach a kind of mineshaft, or cave. My dad is suddenly with me. We're assaulted by giant spiders the size of a large dog. We make a run for it through the tunnel, and emerge on the other side. We exit into a grassy clearing, with a large, imposing forest right in front of us. The forest is full, and I mean FULL of giant spiderwebs. And of course spiders. I'm like "no way", but my dad is like "we can do it, let's go" so I have no choice but to follow him in. Somehow, we get through, because in the next scene I recall, we've reached the world beyond the mountains and the spider forest. No one was ever supposed to get this far. To our surprise and horror, it's the modern world. We're in a modern city, clearly abandoned a century or more ago. The sky is overcast and depressing. Everything is covered in rust and dust, and in a state of falling apart. I recognize one of the ruined cars as a Renault 5. Then, we find someone. A worker wearing a fluorescent jacket. He just mindlessly shuffles back and forth, seemingly aware of us, or anything else. We continue exploring, until my dad starts acting strange. He asks things like "how did we get here", and other things he should really know. Like he's having memory loss. Suddenly, I realize the truth of this place. A hundred+ years ago, something happened, some substance was released into the atmosphere (or some kind of radiation) that gradually sapped people of their intelligence - inducing amnesia, dementia and finally a vegetative zombie-like state (though they aren't cannibals). Society fell apart without the people there to maintain it. Somehow, "Skyrim valley" (the fantasy world we'd traveled from) was a special place shielded from this effect. The guy wearing modern clothes I saw in the fantasy world was probably a guy from here, who somehow crossed over like we did. I desperately try to explain this to my dad, who is getting increasingly confused as time goes by.

Incoherent dream involving some FBI guy threatening us with "more lockdowns" unless we did exactly what he wanted us to do. I think he wanted us to attack someone/something? I had a weapon that's basically a pebble from a river that explodes like a grenade.
Then we're inside a wooden house, like a tavern or something. Still in the same town. My brother was there, as well as my old classmates (Fenn & co.). At some point I get caught on something and dragged outside?

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

With Riverstone at some tropical paradise in Southeast Asia. We feel an eartquake, I look at the ocean behind us and say maybe we better assume the possibility of a tsunami. We run to the hotel, which is a 50 storey high building. But it is by the sea, so I don't know if it will hold up, but there is no time to go anywhere else this high. It has an elevator, with entrances outside the building, from a balcony facing the ocean and it is a scenic elevator with glass walls. A giant wave is already coming in the distance. Riverstone is freaking out, so I tell him to stay calm and I push him inside the elevator when the door opens. I press the button for the last floor and I hope the elevator is fast enough. It is very big. It has 3 doors frim the side we came in (instead of 3 elevators side by side, there is one giant elevator with 3 doors that take in people all at once) and it has 3 other doors on the opposite side (from inside the building).
The wave was faster than we expected and it hits the building when we're half way, enveloping us in water like a reverse aquarium. The elevator keeps going up, but on the 18th floor we start seeing water coming in through the door gaps and it continues for the next floors. We are afraid that the water will shut down everything and we get stuck in a flooding elevator, but it keeps going and then we enter an area with cement walls and the water stops flowing in. The elevator stops and I can't tell if we reached the top floor or we just got stuck. I think that at least it is a very spacious elevator, not very claustrophobic and we don't seem at risk of drowning.
But then one door opens and there is a large hallway with stairs going down to what looks like a waiting room. A couple people welcome us and asks for our names and says we have to wait to be called and then they'll test us for intelectual and physical abilities, as they only want to keep people who can contribute. We have no clue what is going on, but apparently this is some kind of rescue operation for a few lucky people who know about it. Other people sitting down tell us that the space is limited, so only the useful ones are taken in, everyone else is kicked out again. I ask what happens to those who don't pass one of the tests but they don't know or dont say. Then my name is called and I have to cut through a bunch of people in a corridor to reach a lady repeating my name. But she only called my first name and I wonder if it's really me she wants. Then she says the last name and it isn't me. But she couldn't care less. She takes me to a warehouse where I see boxes and packages and she asks if I could carry those. First she hands me what appears liquid detergent bottles, but quite large and heavy. I manage. Then she shows me a cardboard box full of something and I also lift it without big issues. I explain that I am strong but I have fibromyalgia and therefore won't be able to do continuous efforts for too long and maybe I'd be more useful in an intelecrual role. She scoffs it off and says they need me here now and I have to accept, or else they might cut me off. So I accept.
I then go around the warehouse trying to get familiar with the place and I spot a weird dangerous looking animal which looks like a cross between a spider and a scorpio. She is big, like 20 cms and has a squid like head, the torso o,f a spider and a long abdomen with two long appendices extending in the back. The spider thing locks in on me raises up one of those appendices, which looks like a tube with an opening on the tip. Then she shoots a dart from it, poisonous I am sure. I manage to escape it and to protect others around from also being hit. The spider then hides and when it comes back from another place, she has both appendices raised and shooting darts left and right. I use some plastic to protecf myself and someone else. Then wonder how this bug is allowed to plague these facilities and I think I will work on a plan to kill it or else I won't be able to focus on my job.

There's a run-down village, where two groups of heavily armed & equipped men are engaged in a gun battle. One side loses and is entirely eliminated. I'm walking among the corpses, realizing I need to get out of there ASAP before they find me. I run through a hut/house, quickly looking for something I can use as a weapon. Outside, on the muddy road, I find some dead guys. Two have dropped their weapons, but the barrel is bent out of shape and is unusable. I find one shotgun in good condition, so I grab it and run off. As I run off, I eject the spent shell casing and pump it to chamber a new shell. On a road up ahead, I see a police car arriving with sirens blaring. I realize they are here to help me. But for some reason, I don't want to be found. Maybe I assumed that because I had that gun, the cops would consider me "one of them" and arrest me. I run through a grass field, up to someone's home. An elderly man stands there, watching the scene. He sees me approach, carrying that shotgun. I say "good day, sir". He says hello back. I run onto his property, into his backyard - intending to jump the back fence and escape that way. Instead I woke up.

During this dream I was pretty close to waking. I had some limited ability to choose the direction the story was going in, while also being a character in it.

Really harrowing dream. My dad was doing something, maybe something violent, and he was a threat to my other (forgotten and likely fictional) loved ones in the room/house. I pointed my Glock at him, hoping he'd stop. He didn't. He came straight at me. I pulled the trigger, and as usual that was almost impossible to do. It did go off, sort of, hitting him. It didn't seem to do much. I ran away and grabbed my shotgun from the locker. The fight continued, and I think I got a couple of good hits in. The whole thing was adrenalin-fueled survival, I didn't really *want* to do any of this. Dad ran outside. I ran after him. It was night, dark and rainy. I lost track of dad. Finally, I calmed down and emotion overwhelmed me. I was crushed by regret. I'd shot my own father. I literally broke down into tears, crying "papa, papa". Then I woke up. What a great night that was.