non-lucid

Sleepless
They need so much, such little souls. Steal space. Take time. Leech light. Weep, wail, bleed dry any succulence of dreams. Life... but a sleepless scream.

Reverse
Ram runs only in reverse so we rage, ass first, into rush hour rift.

Black Rock
Blackrock beckons through bush, bog, and corn stalks brown. Finally free of wandery, we drink. Canteen is a thin black tube taller, even, than I. Passers-by, envious of the abnormal flask ask me to set sale. I decline. Back to black rock trails I fly.

Neighborhood
Snowless is winter. Her kiss sharp. Her breath crisp. We, locked out, wait to get in. They, locked in, wait to get out. In balmy pockets neath slush topped puddles, the lucky ones live summer lives. Across the street slumps a man of filth and ragged surrender. Into his rusted cup I toss a coin. His head raises. He is THE Mr. Rogers. Smiling, he sings his song. Horrified, I trip away. I don't want to be his neighbor.

Lost:
I'm at a party with some family. It's a surprise visit, and I'm annoyed that I didn't get a heads up.
We're in a small-ish apartment, with a big crowd filling it up.
There are some puppies, one of them is an Aussie.
There is some texting mix up with K, so they think my girlfriend is pregnant.
...
I'm outside now in a questionable looking street.
There is a cartoon character doing voices walking down the street.
One of them is Peppino from Pizza Tower.
I'm with my coworker J, and we have taken on a life of crime.
We're going to sell some stolen things at a pawn shop.
It's a small place on a corner, similar to a gas station but even tinier.
I'm feeling nervous that we'll get caught, and also jealous that J has better stuff to sell.
He has electronics while I have toiletries.
...
I'm looking for my girlfriend's Dad at a library. It has at least three levels to it.
There is a science show happening in a main hall. I'm annoyed that I can't find him.
He is super social, and I wonder about natural versus unnatural extraversion.

Jealous:
I'm at a bowling alley or arcade type building. I came with my girlfriend, but she keeps leaving me to meet up with some of her friends from college.
This time, she has been gone a long time. I get a video feed on my phone showing some guys getting too close to her. I feel very jealous and angry.
I have my spartan blanket and I'm on a rollerblade floor.
I see a guy who seems scared, and I tell him whatever he is going through, it can't be as bad as me, and that he will be OK.
...
I'm racing in a Halloween-themed racetrack. It has many branching paths, and eventually transitions into a Christmas course.
There is a fairy that is helping me find secrets in the track, and allowing me to fall down slowly to reach areas I shouldn't be able to.
It feels like Mario Kart.
One of the secrets is a hidden bar. I land on a snowy street and find my girlfriend with someone at the bar.

Dorm Room:
I'm with G from work and I'm helping him with AI. We are in my dorm from college.
I try to tell him what to do, but he won't listen.
He has grocery store donuts at his desk.
He's trying to make superhero AI porn.
Me and my girlfriend are looking at the dorm as a place to live. Generally looks dingy.

Sunday: Definite Jamie drive by again. I was walking to reddi-mart to buy an evening coffee (2 minute walk from my house. Sometimes I buy a coffee from there from 5-7). There's a back alley route I take. I was walking from behind the store and to the side of the store when I noticed a grey car slam on it's brakes. I would not have noticed otherwise. Saw the familiar brown hair with bangs cut and large sunglasses . Kind of looked at me and resumed speed. I think I startled her, and she got startled again when she realized she hit the brakes. This was all in half a second. I'm thankful no one was behind her. She could have been rear ended. Like I said, I don't mind if she checks on me - if that's what makes her comfortable around me. As long as it's not bread crumbing. Baby steps I guess.

I asked her voice why she drives all this way? Why my town? She replied she came to see a friend. I'm like: Oh really is it a guy or a girl. And she replied: You're the friend I've come to see. Lol.

Asked Raven to help out in a dream. I noticed Jamie's house was creepy in my dream. Raven agreed despite being under some stress.

House

Vague dream of being in a creepy house. Some older lady interrupted me and some Korean girl in the house (Jamie). She kept making us collect things from the house and put them outside or something. I was hoping the woman would leave soon so I could be alone with the Korean girl. But she wanted us to check the addict or something for more items. I remember climbing a large staircase where the girl and the older woman were. I think we found something and the Woman put it outside. My memory just gets blurry after but continues on. Like trying to watch a movie on fast forward.

I didn't think it was about Jamie until Raven showed me her Journalled dream. Hers is way more detailed tho.

Jamie 1

I'm learning braids again on a head dummy. Jamie is there advising me on how to do it. She seems really encouraging.

Jamie 2

I was with Jamie again. She seemed stern about something. I don't know what. Is it something I was doing in the dream? Or something I'm doing while awake? Her head voice doesn't seem to take an issue with me as far as I know. But the voice isn't 100% reliable.

Jamie 3

Jamie seemed a little more stern about the issue she's having with me. I can't recall any details.

As far as the voice is concerned. The "relationship" seems more stable than ever. I sometimes ask her voice if this seems like a "real" relationship. Every time I ask the response is "Yes." As strange as it is I guess.

I fell asleep last night listening to various videos about quantum physics, the solar system, consciousness.. just hoping they could inspire some memorable dream states. Once again, I failed to record them immediately upon waking. But they did happen, and I will recall them to the best of my capabilities now.

I was driving my father's old Jaguar and got a flat tire. I remember feelings of embarrassment and shame, as it was due to foolishly driving up on a high curb or something careless.

I began playing drums and singing in what was to become a Jellyfish tribute band. Once again, I was elated at my ability to sing these songs well and harmonize with the other vocalist (who I believe was actually Roger J. Manning Jr of Jellyfish). It really was a great feeling, even better than my previous night's dream of singing Led Zeppelin.

The last instance I can remember, which I know was a very small part of a much larger scenario, was making eye contact with one of my sister's friends. She's someone I never think about, but this moment in the dream was powerful. It was as though I fell in love with her right there, just by locking eyes. A wonderful feeling, but it was fleeting.

There was more to these dreams, but that's all I can remember. I'm just hoping to continue on the path of hopefully inducing a lucid dream. I'll fall asleep listening to similar videos again and hope for the best. Additionally, I need to fight through the desire to go right back to sleep after waking from a dream, and just record it immediately.

Detox
She arrives and cries, "Sister, help me." She is weary with the unlit way of her life. She declares, without stout dedication, to give living one more go. She needs to detox. I am no doctor. My mind screams no but my hand reaches out. Does she feel the slight tremors of my dread? She trudges to bed, stays still in the dark. It is the calm before her storm.

The Game
Extended family scattered cross a yard. Like chess pieces they move: Step pause. Step pause. Step pause. I stride normally through other oddities: Jagged fences. Maples in place of pines. Ditch evolved to river. Stone wall rises to the road. I climb. A mad cousin charges our chess locked kin. He stabs, one by one. No compassion wells for any of them. I am no savior... still I crush stabbers skull with a stone. Silence. Surviving chess pieces step pause their way to our cousin corpse.

Driven
Destination near found! He chauffeurs us around. Cars keep crossing lines. They speed then skid to shoulder. My heart could be wrong but it believes more safety abides on the roadside than on the road. But I am not released. Strap in. It is accepted, this driven destiny of mangled deformation and/or death.

Sots and Stars
Moonlight softens life's sharp edges, conceals the clutter of my soul. Night is sweet and safe. Then comes a knock. I swing wide the door. In stampedes slobbering beasts. They are my aunt and two cousins. They guzzle beer, boast drunkard deeds. I sit, un-submitting to their spirits. When finally they fumble their way away, I send no well wishes or waves. Starlight suddenly shakes my heart. Constellations are contorted. North star shines southerly. Sky is awry. How am I to right it?

So many missed opportunities for lucidity.
Upon re-reading these, I see now the tie that binds them: Some obnoxious sort of savior complex that has lost me control of my own life. From now on: Just. Say. No.
It's time to realign my north star.

Several different scenarios, all connected by a feeling. What would normally have been permeated by fear or a sense of dread was instead punctuated by calm and happiness...

First encounter:
There was this large collection of skyscrapers, interconnected by a kind of airport-esque system of subways and elevators. I was trying to reach my floor, where I was to attend what was, to the best of my memory, a job/lecture. My boss/professor was similar to my college history professor, a distinctly British man. Strange I cannot distinguish between this being my vocation or just a college class. I had several encounters in the buildings/elevators/subways with both strangers and familiar faces. At a certain point, the main entrance to my building was closed, and I struggled to find another way inside.

Second:
I was with my family, I believe we were discussing politics in an outdoor pavilion. Fairly out of the ordinary for my family to do this. I was to travel to our beach house, and I think my dad was waiting for me there. I can't remember the details of this encounter, but I do recall the feeling distinctly. It was a kind of sickly/sweet happiness, like a fabricated ease. Only upon waking did I question the fact I was feeling so at ease in these dreams. But it did make for an unusually enjoyable experience.

Third:
I was at a concert or possibly a music festival, it was nighttime. Once again, I encountered both strangers and friends. I was walking around, it was red and black, kind of carnival-like. Some members of one my bands were there and we exchanged words. I think it was friendly. A part that sticks out was a singer preforming a Led Zeppelin tune and forgetting the lyrics. One moment she put the mic in front of an audience member, who sang the incorrect lyrics to the song. She scoffed at him and moved on. Eventually I took over and began singing the bridge portion of Stairway to Heaven. I remember being quite pleased that I was able to hit the high notes pretty well, but nobody seemed to take notice.

I wish I had recorded these dreams immediately upon waking. They were still so fresh and vivid this morning. I can only remember fragments and feelings now. But these encounters really gave me a strong, new feeling. It was powerful enough to make me journal them. I hope to continue these recordings as regularly as I can, and ideally get to a point where lucidity would be possible...

Attempting my first dream journal entry.

Mud Hill Ritual
Sky sprawls starless. Trees stoop, draped in sultry dusk. We rush, Daughter and I, for sighs of light. Up a mountain of mud, toes rake earth, fingers claw clods of grass long dead. We strive. Finally... apex! We stand upon narrow ledge, worn wooden wall behind. To left and right, nations of shawl, of jingle, of smoke, sing. They punch the wall to the doom doom doom of some shadow cast heart. It will all fall apart, I know. So back to bottom I slide to watch the ritual unravel. But it does not. We do not.

Starkind
Languages spill into the night. Stars are disjointed and stand too near. Amidst them ether fires dance and streak and swerve unobserved by all but I. Fear flares. Then some peace, slippery and warm, spills within. To the speakers I go until ends the omniglot ebb and flow. Their fires fade. One spark remains. Together we weave dreams and schemes for fires yet to be. She is Mox Fulder. I show her the dancing sky fires. She sees! Stars lurch nearer. Now forms the sacred fellowship of the starkind. We are two.

These pair of dreams keep coming back to me with fond feelings despite the underlying dread in both.

My dreaming goals for today are:
1 Introduce myself
2 Read 3 lucid dreaming threads
3 Make 5 posts
4 Start my dream journal
5 Read 5 lucid dreams before bed

Reminder to me: Trying to keep regular dreams to under 100 words because I know that journaling will take more and more time as recall improves. I will write out lucid dreams in a fuller fashion as they happen. Also, I'm not sure if I should give each dream it's own post or post a nights dreams all in the same post. Will figure it out at some point, I expect.

Well, here it goes. First journal entry.

Note: I heard that dream shaman bi polar guy talking about his beliefs. He does dream real things about people. He claims he gets shown things about people in dreaming and claims it's his spirit guides that tell him what to do in dreams. So my guess is that is what he is operating under when he consistently interferes in mine and Jamie's dreams.

I personally have a huge lack of trust of anything "spirit guides." Have to say. In my own experience: they lie. I personally only trust Jesus at this point. Yes sure, he hardly speaks, and when he does its often vague. But, he never leads astray.
First night:

Nothing. During the day I did work with the temp agency and did a small moving job in Didsbury. Pretty sure I seen Jamie driving into Didsbury on that pot hole hell road in between Olds and Didsbury. I was in the back of a Dodge truck going past the train tracks and construction near the storage unit Yard. I saw the white SUV that I'm sure I've seen Jamie in before. I saw the long brown hair with a bangs cut and she was wearing large sunglasses ( people with her eye color are a lot more sensitive to sunlight.) I heard her voice in my head say something like, " did you see me? I think I saw you." And sometime later. " I wanna see you again."

Next part is debatable whether it was Jamie or not. Many hours later, I'm at home. Sitting at the table outside the house just pondering. I was remembering that Jamie used to do drive bys on me. And that it seemed like some time since she had done so. While I was thinking this. I vaguely noticed a blue or green pickup truck driven by a lone woman, whom seemed to be wearing dutch braids, and sporting large sunglasses. I wasn't really paying attention but she appeared to be in her thirties. She turned from the main street in Bowden but heading towards the main highway but she turned on my street and turned into the alley facing my yard and began heading the opposite way. While turned on to the Alleyway she looked my way, and quickly turned facing front after a second. I was still zoning in my own thoughts when Jamie's voice entered my head, "Did you see me?". I was like: yeah right, no way that was her. But then I ran it back. I've passed her in Olds before when she had braids. In that instance she was beaming at me. ( Her voice will argue she was just smiling but I know better ). As for the change in vehicle . Emily King said in her video that girls will even help their friends vet someone by helping stalk them. And it's not hard to borrow someone's vehicle if you offer to fill their tank if you use it for a few hours.

So if it was her. You're telling me that she finished work or whatever she was doing in Didsbury, went home, or to a friend's. Got done up in dutch braids, and borrowed a friend's truck? I even asked her voice, " why are you always changing vehicles?" She replied, " I'm trying to be secretive." Well... It's not working if I can clearly see who it is. It's the quick head turn that's the dead giveaway remember. She must have really liked the last post about the sign I was given to marry her. That's not even the initial big sign I was given.

Jamie 1

Me and Jamie are driving in Didsbury towards a camp ground. We both plan to go camping together. Im talking to her in my head instead of normally. I say, "Did you pack is lots of underwear? I think we're going to need it." Uhhh.

Jamie 2

Something about Jamie being at a campground and avoiding me. She was feeling guilty about something. Maybe it was a flashback to the outdoor concert thingy I saw her at?

Jamie 3

I'm at Jamie's house. It's dark and messy. There seems to be demons all over. But regardless she's happy to see me. We are sitting on a couch holding hands and watching something.

Jamie 4

Me and Jamie are walking alongside a busy highway. There is a man walking behind us a ways. Jamie nudges me with a look of fear and indicates in the Man's direction. It's that annoying dream shaman guy that was trying to break us up. He walks faster towards us meaning to catch up but me and Jamie are having none of it. We turn ahead but now there's a large truck pulled over on the shoulder. Cars are going by so fast that going around the truck that it's dangerous to walk around it. The ditch is suicidally deep so that's not an option. The guy is getting closer. Jamie looks fearful and I instinctively pray to Jesus to stop the man and keep him from dreaming with us. A flaming sword falls out of the sky and lands between us and the man. Now it's an immutable wall of fire that he can't cross. This also creates a break in the traffic. I remember me and Jamie finally making it past the truck when I wake up.

Second entry in my exclusive journal for dreams involving Earth being relieved of the human species. I dreamt this story in the early hours of July 27, 2024:

I was in a city in Rio Grande do Sul, Brazil, and I was unemployed. An uncle of mine was invited to partner in a psychiatric clinic made for very rich people who needed urgent treatments and a lot of discretion. Knowing I was unemployed, my uncle invited me to assist with the case of a patient, a young woman with short black hair, a red overcoat, and a very elegant hat. Apparently, she was suffering from intermediate-stage dementia, and the disease was progressing slowly and dangerously. I accepted the proposal and met the owner of the institution, a very well-dressed old man with a white mustache, wearing a white suit and lots of jewelry. I went exploring the mansion that served as the clinic and found a balcony with a breathtaking view of the Rio Grande do Sul's pampas. There, right in front of me, a strong storm formed, with black clouds swirling fiercely until a tornado formed right before my incredulous eyes. I found the scene beautiful and ran inside, calling my wife to watch the spectacle with me. When I returned to the balcony, there were four or five tornadoes. They would dissipate and reform, destroying everything around them while we watched. Talking to my wife, I discovered that this was happening all over the world, a result of global climate changes, and in every city, these tornadoes were destroying everything.

Since I was a child, I have often had dreams involving different forms of apocalypse: zombie pandemics, alien invasions, global floods, global droughts, global famines, global wars, etc. These types of dreams are the ones that interest me the most, so I decided to create a separate dream journal specifically for dreams where life on Earth is extinguished. The following dream occurred in the early hours of July 17, 2024:

The planet was facing a severe water crisis. Potable water was practically nowhere to be found, and people had already lost hope of survival. I lived in a desert city with houses falling apart. People were dying from hunger, thirst, and all sorts of diseases. Society and its laws had become irrelevant, and anarchy combined with despair resulted in a bestial humanity. There was constant violence among people. I saw children being born and treated with total neglect, so most of them died before growing up.

While exploring randomly, I found a resort built on the last source of potable water on the planet. It was a very luxurious and expensive place, accessible only to the world's wealthiest families. I sneaked in and hid among some bushes to avoid being seen. A few meters in front of me was a photographer taking pictures of the families entering the resort. Further away, I saw an immense pool, larger than a football stadium, filled with pure and crystal-clear water, where rich families bathed to relieve the heat. They smiled for the photos and played in the water as if they were completely immune to the scarcity plaguing the planet. I stayed there, hidden and horrified, watching these people enjoy themselves at the last clean water source on Earth.

In light of recently reconnecting with an old school chum in waking life, I found myself in his presence within my dream. He was sort of guiding me along a path on some island where he lived. We came across a ferry that took us a short way across a very narrow river. On the other side, we met up with a few of his friends, some of whom I seemed to know, others I did not. I remember having packed an excessive amount of clothing, and fussing over what I would change into. I think my little sister showed up at one point as well. There was some important crux to this dream I am forgetting, but I really hope to start journaling regularly again. I need a greater sense of spiritualism and synchronicity in my waking life, and I used to obtain often those from my dream life. Here's to hopeful, consistent Dream Journaling once again.

Can't load this website on my laptop says security error. I'm using my phone to type. Seemingly rough couple days with her voice. I went to Karaoke at the tavern with my brother and all their friends in Didsbury. I remembered having dreams of Jamie either hanging out or working across the street. So I kind of asked the Jamie voice what is the right thing for me to do should I accidentally run into her somewhere. I heard a really cutting response like, " Don't even look at me, or try to talk to me." That got me kinda upset. Okay, a lot upset. I mean; I'm not going to anyway especially if she looks like she doesn't want to be talked to. I can respect space and privacy. But why be mean? Who knows if that was really her voice or not. Eventually we both seemed to resolve it where I just let her say something if that were to happen, but before saying something just let her linger nearby until she feels safe to say something. Smile if she smiles. Wave. Or am I allowed to wave first to test where she's at? IDK.

Later on her voice said something like, " Don't talk to me in my head anymore." Repeated a few times. I just apologized and said I'll be quiet. A minute later we seemed to work it out. And later she said, " please don't try to break up with me anymore. " I was all confused because I heard it the other way around. So I talked to her voice some more and ran it back. Apparently she heard the phrase that I heard from her, but me saying it to her. So we both agreed that we both hear "false voices." Sometimes.
We also talked about her being afraid to even say anything to me. That was her reasons, not mine. And I do remember when we used to hang out. How a part of her seemed to really want to move things want to move things forward with me. But also there was another part of her that would not let it happen. MUST not let it happen. And I remember thinking in those days that she seemed genuinely TERRIFIED of getting too close. I would watch that war go on in her daily sometimes.

Anyway dreams. The karaoke night I was up so late I couldn't recall any dreams. That was also an exhaustive night with the voice with a lot of confusion but I won't go into detail.

Last night

Quiet

I was in a white room and I was shackled by my arms to the floor. Jamie came in and unshackled me. She looked exhausted to the point of looking way older. Her face seemed thinner than normal. We began walking somewhere but she was keeping her distance. My dad was suddenly with us. And she was lingering closer to him than me. I remember feeling down about it, feeling that she should be closer to me than my dad. There goes my BPD brain again, finding rejection where there is none.

Not much dreams.

Dock

Just me standing on a dock with a bunch of water.

Last night had some trouble sleeping. After normal prayers it seemed like that guy was trying to get between me and Jamie during our time. ( I've touched on this before, with "twin flames." Many people report sensing their partners beside them. This combined with the head voice can create a vivid experience.) Her voice asked for more prayers to fend this guy off. Had a HH vision of him cutting an astral chord between me and Jamie and I couldn't sense her or her voice. Prayed right away to Jesus that he restore it. I felt her near me again instantly. After half an hour of prayers and me and the Jamie voice telling him to leave us alone. It finally stopped. Am I getting schizophrenia? After all this fell asleep . I think he got the message and gave up

Jamie

I'm floating up to some clouds. It's like heaven. Several people are standing on white pillars. I'm floating up and notice Jamie standing on one. She smiles at me and extends her hand. When I'm close she grabs my hand and pulls me to her. We start making out violently.

Can't remember much after but micro dreams where I'm with Jamie. We are holding hands, or she's hanging off my arm and we are just walking somewhere and talking.