side notes

I am at a mall, the reason I am there I completely forgot. For some reason or another, I do a reality check by looking at some dots on the wall, looking away, and looking back at them. Well, even if it was not words, it worked and I became lucid.

After that I decided to not jump into any activities yet, and tried to concentrate more on making my lucid more stable, longer, and clearer. So, I first began by walking very slowly and observing every small bit of detail I saw in the dream world with all my senses. As much as transforming into a wolf came across my mind, I knew these LD exercises were far more important to me.

I looked at a small railing next to an escalator, and looked closely. The light reflected off the chrome railing beautifully. I sat there and tried to smell anything, but I could not smell a damn thing. I figured that was weird, as I have smelled things in my LDs in the past. I thought that maybe my brain assumed malls smell like nothing.

In order to stabilize my LD further, I decided to reach into my pocket to grab a stress ball to squeeze in order to exercise my sense of touch. However, when I reached down to put my hand in my pocket... I had no pockets. All I had was my boxers on. I tried to further summon a stress ball in my hand but it refused to appear. After that, the dream got real fuzzy and I woke up in the middle of the night.


_____________

Next dream involved me going to some costume party. I decided to grab a Predator costume I had.

Fast-forward: I am at the party when I realize I don't have the head/mask to my Predator costume. The people at the college party start to stare, and I begin t feel judged.

Note: Was furious at myself for not trying to DEILD, spinning, or rubbing my hands yet again. I know it works because I have done it in prior lucids, I have just forgotten to for some reason. Even when attempting to stabilize my lucids, they are cut off even shorter. May be due to either me thinking about being asleep too much, or it being the end of that certain REM cycle for the night.

My recall seems to be getting better, I've been remembering at least 3 dreams a night although they seem to flow into each other and I do have to wake up between them to remember
Here are the 3 I remember from last night - the last one has a cool ending

1) In the early part of this dream someone I know becomes the head of his family like a maphia family only not into crime and not dangerous, it's set in the city i live. I'm driving around in a jeep, when I spot 2 people I know and go 4x4ing towards them. I get out and have a chat with them showing them the difflock on my new jeep which i acquired in my dream but can't remember how. Later I'm at my grandfathers funeral and my aunt and cousins are talking about how difficult it was to grow up with him because he was a difficult man. The dream is now set in the town where I grew up (huge DS right there) I get in an argument with my mom about how she's just climbing on the bandwagon and judging my grandfather unfairly (this is the second time a male ancestor has come up in 2 nights). To make my point stronger I tell my mom how my relationship with my dad isn't great and I end up getting furious and shouting how he hasn't hugged me in 10 years . The dream fades or I wake up.

2) I've been doing some training with young people (which is my line of work) in another city. I encourage them to start small groups and pair them up to do that. I have an argument with 2 of my friends who are the leaders of the group about my teaching style they say it's to unprepared, I'm saying that it's far more effective than their styles. Later we're indoors and there is a hive of huge bees (some-one else was dreaming about bees). My daughter is there and I tell her to stay away from the bees (this is related to me helping move my dads beehive the day before in RL and then hearing his bees left the hive and were in the tree in his garden). Later I go to bed and there is some weird sexual stuff going on (really weird), it involves no sensation for me but the DC is enjoying it.

Snippet this is either from this dream or the next one : I get fired at work and my friend sets the work computers to download a massive porn database, which will fill their harddrives and use up all their bandwidth. Later I feel guilty and ashamed about it and almost get caught for doing it.

3) My friend is riding my bike with me on the back except it's not DS bike like I've got it's a super-bike. We're riding through a rough area of an unknown town. He's riding pretty good. There are security guards and criminals guarding the entrances to different streets. He turns and speeds through an enclosed arean between buildings. As we exit a gang tries to stop us, He swerves around them at speed and continues. They run to try and head us off at the next turn, I tell him to carry on they'll never catch us but he stops and does a half donut and heads back the way we came, I realize that this is a good idea because they've run off to try intercept us. As we pass the area where they were we head towards a raised highway. There is an old man where the gang was holding a stick with a broken bottle taped to the end, we swerve around him and my friend suddenly stops, partly to let me drive and partly to speak to the old man. He approaches the old man cautiously talks to him and then comes running and jumps on the back of the bike. I take off really quickly and we're riding up this highway onramp that winds as it climbs higher. I overcook the fist turn and bump the curb, we continue to accelerate out of control and hit the next curb square on causing us to ramp off the edge. We nearly make it to another portion of the road but we miss. I realize that we are falling to our death, it feals awesome. I wake up long before impact.

Dream signs atarting to emerge (comment on these is you want) The town where I grew up, My bike (or lack of my bike)
I still don't feel close to realizing I'm in a dream and my only LD was still that FA - help please!!!
I also have a serious problem with excitement ( I can't fall asleep even in the middle of the night )

★★★★★

wow. ok... so I've been dreaming with Asuka well over 8 months. in dream time that's two and a half years.. In all that time, i have never been lucid and shared a tender moment with her.. until today! So many things stood in our way. My doubts and frustrations, everyone Else who for months on the dream plane who mind controlled her, infected her and gang raped her (whether you were aware of what you did or not but you know who you are). In spite of all your crap, I still reached my goal.... as simple but hard as it was. So guys, instead of trying to be better than everyone... why not instead rise against innumerable odds and find your own moments of love and peace, Defeat your own ego... and DO IT WITHOUT STEPPING ON ANYBODY'S TOES! Try it. I DARE YOU!!! I bet you won't last a month... but prove me wrong... That's my challenge to you.

Thanks to all those that helped and encouraged me along the way: Waking nomad, Raven knight, Nagual Lonewolf, Cacophony, Q, Shawna, Serenity, Bonnie, Warrior Tiger, Walms, Data, Stone giant, victor, and everyone else whom i forgot... I couldn't have done it without you! This is not the end of my journey but the beginning!

Jenny is what?

False Awakening, I'm in some dark room. A woman is sleeping on a bed and i have a mat at the foot of the bed. I think the woman is my cousin. A strange voice says "you should sleep in that bed with her." I can see out the window that a new day is dawning.

"what?" I say.

FA, i'm in the same room the woman is gone. I hear a voice saying "she's dead."

"who's dead?"

"j... (couldn't hear it) is dead." ( a voice starts crying). I can hear somebody sobbing in the shadows. I tell them to move closer so I can hear them. I feel a presence nearing.

FA, My brother is sitting on the foot of the bed. He says that Jenny H is dead. I ask him how. I see a poster with her grad picture. In the dream i remember seeing the picture on facebook. The poster said "She had MS Twice and cancer, she never told anyone until it was too late."

FA, I'm in the same room room. my brother is still crying, he then looks like he's going to throw up... on my sleeping mat. I try to push him to the other side of the mat

"eww don't puke on me" I toss him across the room, he throws up and then comes near me trying to talk. I can smell his breath. I tell him to get back a few feet.

Fa, i'm in a different house It is morning now. I go and tell my brother the dream. He shrugs and says "yeah right"

DEILD FA LUCID chain

I was lucid somewhere but I forget what happened.

FA , Get out of bed and RC. It just feels like a dream! i'm walking witha woman at night time in some mini mall.

"what's your name?" I ask her. She says it's none of my bussiness. That's rude, she's trying to blow me off... good i'll help her re inforcer her preconceived notion of me.

"Come on just tell me your name" I ask.

"It's Yvonnegee"

"cool, do you have a boyfriend?" I say this just to piss her off. She does. I see her eyes go wide, and she looks like she's gonna hit me but everything fades.

FA, Get out of bed and RC, I'm in a strange bedroom I float up to the ceiling and try to puch through it. Everything fades out.


I find myself walking along some road in some town. I'm with some guy and we have to take a canadian flag back to his home. I take it and fly off. I become lucid with the flag rolled up in my hands. i look down at the houses below. I want to see Asuka so I try and spot spot a house that looks familiar. I remember that my house is up on some hill. I try to find a hill but everything fades.

FA, get out of bed and RC. It feels like a dream. My brother enters the room and says that I should stop cheating on Asuka. I tell him that Asuka only exists on the dream plane. In waking life she's not around, so it's ok to get a girlfriend. (this convo doesn't make sense since i don't have a gf in waking life for now). I go to follow him out of the room but everything fades.

Fa, get out of bed and RC. Now I'm in some indefinable place that is all blue. I think "fuck so many FAs! Maybe I'm dead and have to live in this dream reality for quite a while now... i better try to wake up for real."


I have a slight Real awakening and notice that It feels real. the room i am in is in olds. I DEILD.

FA, get out of bed and RC. Back in the strange room. I get out of the room and find i'm in a basement that resembles the one I use to live in in didsbury but a few details are off. The rooms are out of place. I find a closed door and enter it. a woman is sleeping on a bed. I call out to her. The blankets move and I hear my mother's voice call out to me "robert. is that you! it's nice to hear your voice" I am shocked when everything begins to fade.

FA, in the backseat of a car. It feels like a dream. some guy is in the passenger seat. and the car is being driven by a mechanical man attatched to the steering wheel. I think "this is the car that singer drives me home in during dreams. when she's not dreaming this guy takes her place" I try to fly out the window but everything fades.

Fa, get out of bed and Rc. Back at the basement. I want the dream to last so i rub my hands together... That just destabalizes the dream.

Fa, get out of bed and RC. back at the basement. I get into the main area of the basement and find a staircase. It's the same staircase from my friends house from childhood. At the top a bunch of wooden beams are blocking my way up. I fly up to them and try to fit through them. I manage to get free somehow. I find more stairs leading up. I find a ball, pick it up and drop it a few times to incorporate my sense of touch within the dream. Next sense is taste. so I like the carpet.. it tastes nasty. I keep walking instead and find a living room.

FA, get out of bed and RC. My dad and brother are getting my up for work. tell them it's a dream and follow them for fun anyway. We walk through a door in the wall that leads to a strange store. Some weird guy joins us. I am sensing a strong presence from him. I ask him if he is a dreamer or some other kind of energy. He gives me a strange look and then vanishes.

I turn around to the entrance of the store. There, standing on a plant pot is two asian woman. one is a regualr asian lady. The other looks like a ten year old asian girl with glasses. The shorter one seems familiar. i walk up to her and ask her " Are you Asuka?"

Everything starts fading, i manage to hear a "yes" before the dream ends. (It was Kanmuri and asuka!)

FA, get out of bed and RC. I go upstairs again and enter the living room. I try to find someone in the house. I see a one to two year old child sitting on the couch, she has a black streak in her blond hair. She's flipping the channels. I aks her "Are you Shel?"

She says yes witha smile. Then i notice a smaller version of her is sitting beside her. "me and Asuka had another one without me knowing?" i ask.

"no!" the child replies. "were twins! sort of" she giggles.

"Cool" I say. the dream fades and as it does i hear the child yell at me "Have some fucking Nesquick!".

FA, Get out of bed and RC. I go upstairs. in the hallway, everything starts to fade. I place my hand on the ground and look at it. The dream goes back to normal. I enter the living room again. I go into a bedroom that I feel is mine and Asuka's.

Inside is a walk in closet but the doors are all mirrors. I looka t each mirror and I am a different age in each mirror. In one i am 21, in another i am 16, they all move independantly of themselves. I look at my present self and point at him, he follows exactly. "Who are you?" I ask. I almost expect him to respond... but no... it's a normal reflection. The dream starts to fade again. I can see my hand on the gorund through the blackness. I count to 10 and everything brightens again.

The mirrors are no longer mirros, but regular glass. I can see all my dream guitars in them. I pick one up and play it. It doesn't sound plugged in but I can kind of hear an almost faint ACDC type of guitar tone. I put it back.

i enter the living room. A hand comes in front of my vision holding a tim hortons medium double double coffee, i easily drink it in one gulp. The person holding the cup is Asuka. She goes in front of me and hugs me. She has a small resemblance to one of my ex girlfriends Mel.

"Asuka!" i say. "I'm lucid! and I'm going to remember."

"I know" she says and kisses me. Suddenly everything is dark. I figure we must have teleported. now she's on top of me and we are having sex... I can't tell if our clothes are still on or not... but it feels pretty naked enough. After a while i Stop her and say "Wait, I just wanted to tell you I love you." A wave of emotion swept through me. I held her tightly and said. "I'm sorry it took so long just to do this. I'm sorry that you suffered so much while staying with me." I actually started crying for a bit. Asuka didn't say a word. Her weight began to feel heavy I started to feel like iw as being crushed. "get off me, your crushing me" i said and she got off. She was still really silent. I wondered if what I said had upset her somehow. The dark room became darker. "Everything's fading to black." I said As I woke up.

Another total failure.

Tried to listen to "Inner Awakenings" an isochronic tone sequence. Total freaked me out. I can't describe it, but it was unpleasant, and disturbing. Won't do that again! Well, maybe during the day when I don't "have" to sleep. It was pretty freaky.

Also tried to WILD using an alarm. It just pissed me off. I can't WILD at this stage, unless it's only very slightly awakened...

Earbuds are getting annoying. Need some speakers instead. Losing faith in binaural and isochronic beats. Ironically, our air conditioner sets up isochronic beats of about 3 to 5 hz. Not sure why it does that, but it's relaxing as hell. Perhaps its mixing problem with the program I am using.

I am using Gnaural. Maybe there's just too much beat amplitude and not enough pink noise amplitude. I should try to mimic my A/C, then I can vary the beat frequency as I want.

Going to try a new one tonight. It's a form of DILD, but I'm going to use a "dream trigger" like Nova Dreamer. But this on is going to be audible. Hope it works!!!!

Conditions:
1200 mg of Omega03&6 Fish Oil (JBB)
1000 mg Vitamin B6 (JBB)
20 ounces of Apple Juice (BB)
Checked hands during the day (DD)
Played on DV forum (DD,BB)
Inner Awerness for 30 minutes (Isochronic descending)
Alarm at 4.5 hours in and ever 5 for 20 then stop

Fell asleep: 1:30am
WBTB: ???

---------------------

JBB=Just before bed after 9pm
AB= At bedtime 11:30pm
BB=Before Bedtime after 5pm
DD=During the day between wake and 5pm

Last night I took 3 mg of melatonin about an hour before I went to bed and 100 mg of B6 after about 5 hours of sleep. This worked the best as it produced some remarkable dreams. Taking the melatonin would have made it extremly easy to WILD, but I did not attempt to.

My awareness in my dreams is slowly starting to change. I am subconciouslly becoming aware that I am dreaming. Actions in my dreams is proving this. In the dream about wanting to steal the car, I remember knowing that it wasn't real and that I could do things like that. It may not be big, but I feel like its leading somewhere.

I had very long dreams last night. Even though I laid still for a good five minutes after waking, and may have awoken with my eyes closed, I seemed unable to piece the dream back together at all. I had a strong feeling about the people I was with, and one vague image of rolling dry California hills in every direction. It is all still on the tip of my recollection...

What I did manage to recall in full detail is definitely strange to me and may be illustrative of how/why dreams are formed...

I was apparently trying to take a nap on a medical gurney parked outside of a burrito place I thought about 2-days ago. (My thought 2-days ago was "I'm glad my friend didn't get a burrito from that place for me the other day, cause she likes them, I don't, and last one I ate years ago - had two hard objects in it." As a side note, my family use to own this particular building when I was a kid. It was an ice cream shop, and that thought had not occurred to me.)

The Sun was at about 3:30pm. This is an accurate location for the Sun to be, relative to this shop. The bright beams kept getting in my eyes and waking me up... So I rolled the gurney around to catch the shadow of some small trees and shrubs that are actually out front of the building.

This was I think the very last part of a series of dreams. I distantly recall flying and being lucid at points.

First thing I remember is something about a war but thats it.

Later I dreamt about a being in the grounds of a gallery in the town that I grew up in (this town has to be a dream sign for me since I don't live there any more). We were trying to sneak onto the lawn to get something like we were on some kind of mission. As we got there 3 staff members noticed us 1 came over to us and directed us into the gallery and gave me a specific number (191 I think?). When we entered the gallery there was a large oval display of different people on paper facing outward that you could walk around, the room was quite crowded and I realized that I'm here to find my ancestor on the cards, they were all numbered. At first I thought I was looking for a great or great great grandmother but when I found the right display it was my great or great great grandfather. He kinda looked like me with darker hair and a sweet pointy mustache . The dream ended, faded or I don't remember what happened next (maybe the war???)

Just a snippet of me sitting with some friends and family with a car behind some of their backs, my mom and 2 others try to sneakily push the car away to surprise those with their backs turned. They push to hard and my mom is left trying to stop the car crashing into a wall at the last minute she jumps into the trunk to avoid injury. I jump up infuriated shouting at my mother and the other 2 for being idiots. I turn my attention to the 2 people who didn't help her try stop the car especially the snooty lady who is a mixture of people I know. I'm shouting about how my mother recently had an operation and how bad trying to stop the car alone was for her and that it could have caused permanent damage. The old lady tells me the operation was months ago that just gets me more mad. The dream fades or ends...

This is a slightly weird one:
We're on a family vacation in Swaziland at a weird old fashioned hotel. Assorted family members are there. At 1st I'm angry with my wife for not letting me bring my bike because my brother has his there. Our car is randomly getting repaired. I go upstairs to our room and there is a random guy lying on our bed in my robe, he's had a bath and now he's realxing I suspect him of stealing our stuff and grab my robe from him while he dresses in a hurry, as he leaves I notice some of my stuff in the robe pockets and realize that he's stolen stuff. I yell to my brother to stop him and he does, I run down stairs and grab him I try to throw him down but he's stronger than he looks and he takes me down with him. On the ground I punch him hard in the face and overpower him and recover my stuff.
I go upstairs and sit on the seating in the hall, I need to use the bathroom and suddenly realize that somehow I've pooped behind the seat that I'm sitting on . I'm very embarrassed so I run to our room to get some TP to try clean it up, while in the bathroom I decide to poop in the toilet. Suddenly 3 of my current friends are in the bathroom while I'm still pooping, it's kinda weird and their is some male nakedness , I chase them out and suddenly there is a bunch of people in the hotel room, the bathroom door is still open as well as the hotel room door to the hallway. My wife is there so I yell for her to get rid of everyone, I yell at everyone else to, no-one seems to listen. Them some people take a video from the hallway of me pooping. I rush over to them and grab their laptop, I threaten to throw it into the toilet but don't. I follow them yelling how angry I am and demanding an apology or some remorse, they are brushing me off and laughing, eventually I threaten to speak to their employers and sue I think I woke up at this point.

I'm starting to realize that I've dreamt a lot about the town where I grew up so that may be a possible Dream Sign
Also I have not even been close to doing a RC in a dream my only LD was due to a false awakening - got lots of work to do any help in this regard would be appreciated

All I can remember from this dream are key words:

salespeople. I was a salesperson. I wrote down, I was mom.
Sherri.
Alex friend, houses.
college.
running, a ball, kickball.
Lindy, stretching.
A man, visiting.
felt on display, I was laughing, I felt powerful,
I felt good. But I felt like it wasn't real and was fake.
Then I felt jealous of A.
Everyone seemed to like her.
prom dresses, houses.
Mary Beth P. was helping me pick out prom dresses, hand me downs.

Then, another dream from a nap which I can't remember now. 8 PM upon wakening.

The notes for this log was taken two days ago, as I have had not been able to update my log since then.

Anyways, I see that I jotted down something about going on a safari or something. I have no recall what it was about whatsoever.

__________

In this dream I travel to Iraq with some people I know, and meet up with a bunch of people that were related to my friends somehow. When we get there, three extremely attractive middle eastern women greeted us at the hotel we were to be staying at for the night.

Our place we were staying at looked like a suite, and was extremely beautiful. The three ladies turned out to be staying in the same room as we were, and I was excited needless to say. We flirted with them for a while until we all went to bed, or so it seemed like.

The next morning we were in the middle of this open coliseum type of thing where the ladies told us we would witness some of the launches of a new aircraft that the Iraqis had recently built. Sure enough, after standing there waiting for a while, we saw what looked similar to the United States space shuttle launch up into the air. Then an airplane looking aircraft swooped in and hooked it with this hook thing that was on it's nose. All of a sudden both ships began to fall in the distance.

"Oh no, look like it failed." One of the women stated to us as we stared at what was happening.

Fast-forward: It becomes night time, and the three ladies, myself, and my friends are running home from gun fire in the streets of Iraq. I eventually lose sight of my group I was with and I start to panic a bit.

Driving right next to me in the street was a big yellow school bus. Then, all of a sudden two school buses pull in front and in back of the bus that was driving next to me. Men dressed in all black and carrying sniper rifles and assault rifles opened fire at the driver in the now trapped school bus. I keep thinking to myself that they do not want to kill me, that they are killing people that I have nothing to do with.

I kept running and running until the gun fire had completely ceased, and it was hazy after that.

Fast-forward: The following morning I am in the same stadium I was in before (where I watched the mysterious air craft launch), except I am there to watch a football game between two Iraqi teams. For some reason I am on the field and the game never starts, and some huge creature appears and is eating citizens who are standing with me in the middle.

Note: Felt like I was in Iraq, or in my dream, for three days. This is most likely due to my mind fast forwarding time.

Another night and I couldn't remember a single dream. I was up pretty late, didn't sleep enough, and I was drinking a little bit...But it's disheartening.

Very disappointed. No LD tonight. Dreamt, but no recall. Beginning to think that audio stimulus during sleep is not very useful. If the body shuts off (e.g. sleep paralysis), then sound is deadened as well. I have experienced this. As I wake up, sounds go from almost inaudible to regular slowly. So, sounds during sleep would have to be a specific volume to get through without waking up. Going to look online for a sleep mask that detects REM sleep. If anyone knows of one, please let me know. Maybe this would help. Also thinking about buy "SleepPhones". Anyone have any experience with those?

Conditions:
1200 mg of Omega03&6 Fish Oil (JBB)
1000 mg Vitamin B6 (JBB)
20 ounces of Apple Juice (BB)
Checked hands during the day (DD)
Played on DV forum (DD,BB)
Subliminal dreaming MP3 from DV site on repeat

Fell asleep: 3:30am
WBTB: 8:00am

---------------------

JBB=Just before bed after 9pm
AB= At bedtime 11:30pm
BB=Before Bedtime after 5pm
DD=During the day between wake and 5pm

For the first time since starting this journal, last night (the 24th), I was incapable of recalling a single dream or even a hint of a dream. I guess I didn't sleep too well. I'll update this again in a few hours, hopefully, with a better recall. Wish me luck.

I'm going to try sleeping with binaural beats on..

GOALS:
[x] Have a Lucid Dream
[] Have 5 Lucid Dreams
[] Create a Car and Drive
[] Fly (of course!)
[] Create an epic battle scene
[] Blow something up with my mind
[] Become a Female (Haha)
[] Enjoy the scenery around me
[x] Complete a Lucid Task of the Month
[] Complete a lucid task of the year

1st week of DJ:
- 0 lucid dreams
- 5 dreams recalled
- 2 dream fragments recalled
- 0 reality check attempts
- 0 dream sign recognitions

Comments: I definitely recalled more dreams than I'm used to. I've also been able to focus much better upon awaking, allowing me to recall events from dreams even when they aren't that vivid. Still nothing close to self-awareness while dreaming. My reality checks during the day are improving, so maybe I'll see some progress this next week.

I didn't put a lot of effort into recall today.

I did attempt a WILD after 6 hours of sleep. I wanted to test whether it was better for me to do one with the WBTB or to do them separate. The verdict remains to keep them separate. I didn't slip into HI at all! Although I did experience some intense SP, complete with shaking, flashing lights behind my eyelids and even some noises... I tried floating and rolling and visualizing and after all that, I was still awake.

Verdict: Better for me to split them up. I prefer having the HI and just working on the balancing act between sleep and consciousness.

July 24, 2010
Another crap McDonalds dream
I recall working with the hashbrowns again, at McDonalds, and Maxwell (ex-bf) being there.