side notes

Not much going on, first night trying a WILD in awhile.

I woke up from a dream about having a pool party in my backyard. My neighbor was there.

I think I got pretty close, I had lucid hh flashes. Someone, a shadowy figure threw open my door. High threat. But I just sort of eventually fell alseep.

I dreamed about riding in the car and going on vacation with some family members.

July 19th, 2010

It's 2:05 AM, and I have gone to bed to sleep.

Its 3:29 AM and I have awoken, my dream not being lucid or controlled, but mostly remembered.

I don't know how I've gotten here, it's somewhere with my friends who I will call Jorge, B, Ricardo and my brother ehalv.

At first we all rush into a white van, which belongs to the "Crips". We discover somehow that crip means "blue". We are all pretty shocked by this for some reason. We hop into the van in a rush. Why we entered the van with no precaution in it being owned by a gang, I don't know. A lingering sense that we we're running away exists. I get in last, already stuffing myself into the car. The first person I see is Ricardo in the front passenger seat. Wether he was there all along or not I don't know. He's asking me if the mosh pit was awesome, and then tells me it was. I shake my head yes. Someone appears to get in the car but we have already begun driving. We're in a hurry. I look behind me, only one kid sits on the left, alone. I notice the kid beside me attempt to hop back to fill the remaining seat and free room in this row. At this time, something out the front window catches my eye and I notice the driver has been distracted. He has veered off course, to his left a little, missing a right hand turn, over a curb and next to a playground. At this point I say "Hell no--AW HELLLL NO! He's on the playground! He missed the turn were on the grass!" and I say a little more, but I can't remember. Everyone laughs at the idea of me saying that in this situation, where I also began in turn giggling. We leave the car at this time, still laughing, someone repeats what I've said. In front of the car to the right is the playground, and several feet ahead of it there are dips, hills petruding in the grass going downward. Almost like giant stairs of grass. The driver says it's okay and that this is where we're supposed to be. I say aloud "It's all good unless the boys come!", or something along the lines. Not seconds later does gunfire erupt behind us. I sense bullets flying past me, as if they were raindrops falling sideways. We hurry to get into the van.

I've woken up.
A flash of a letter written to me on paper or a social networking site says "you used to scare me years ago but ever since i got a ...(taste*) i've wanted another ..." This is all I remember. It is from, who I will call, Rose.

Regret fills my head, as does guilt, for not remembering the rest of the letter, or other important information and other parts of dreams I may have fell into. Although I feel regret, I think it is falsely diagnosed to an event that has never occured before, and in being so, couldn't have affected my social, or in any case, daily life.

The dreams were not vivid. They were more of ideas that grew spontaneously, wildly and with ease, but never seemed to acheive full visual scope. At least, if I'm remembering correctly.

It is 4:06 AM and I return to bed to sleep. In my hand I hold an object. No larger than a chess piece, but considerably heavier.

It is 6:59 AM, I dreamt a little. I find it funny I remember less even though I was asleep for longer.
I hear commotion outside of my bed room. I end up in my breezeway facing outside at the door, I kneel down, I hear people yelling and talking. My friend Justin rides his bike into my backyard, he looks at me and says "I think I got a five", discreetly. He means five dollars. Suddenly they begin talking very loudly and my parents lights turn on, I tell them to keep it down. They panic and Justin hands me a gun. "We found a gun, a real gun, here" he says. I grab it and it feels heavy. Very heavy. I begin to panic as they leave, or dissapear but both are relative. I set it down beside some plants outside and walk back into the breezeway. Through the door in front of me, I see a group gathered. I exit the door back outside, this time into my front yard, and see my oldest brother surrounded by people asking him questions. He seems to have it under moderate control. I ask what it's all about. He says the dog got loose again. Standard procedure. I head inside, my dad is talking to someone about pizza, or food. I end up going downstairs to pee because someone is in the bathroom. A christian man follows me. He needs to pee and pees on the opposite side of the room. I end up not peeing at all and head back upstairs, with a handfull of bacon in my hands.

I'm awoken and the object I had held in my hand before falling asleep is laid side by side next to my phone on my bed. Seemed placed carefully, but I cannot remember doing so.

I needed to step back for a few days and relaxed. Real stressed and poor sleep. I am going to start focusing more on the WILD technique and no real goals to speak of. Back to basics with stabilization and exploring the dream I spawn in. And maybe something nice and relaxing like just flying.

I incubated a baseball dream. I was at the field but not playing. I was behind a shack with Bros and we had committed murder. We had to clean the small plastic pool we just used to drain the blood in a creek behind the shed.

Another pretty cool dream battle. I was fighting this Bebop-like pig on an old pirate ship. He had a big axe but I was able to dodge and leg sweep, cutting his legs off. There was also a bit at the beginning we were exploring an underwater cavern and taking pictures or recording video.

So when i was in the hospital I was waken up so much that my sleeps have been very light, and also it was hard to have a deep sleep when everything is beeping. I was really happy because I heard this loud noise or deep vibrations in my head, it was only for a second, but I wonder if that was my body going into SP, or what, and if it was how do I make it last longer?

Update

I've added more evidence to my "hangovers are awesome for lucid dreams" theory. Mad bastard hangover today, just WILDed my ass off and got two epic dreams- one of which involved blowing up a horde of zombies, can't wait to type them up, unfortunately I'm feeling too fragile right now. On a side note, never drinking again.

Starts off with me on a vacation with a bunch of relatives. We are all down in the basement of wall looks identical to my house at home. There are several fishing rods standing up on a stand that look weirder than normal.

I go in a room and see two small wolf figurines/statues. One is gold, and one is gray in color. For some reason I decide I need them and place both into my pocket.

Fastforward: I am laying in bed with Sookie from Trueblood (I don't know what the hell is with me and hooking up with girls from that show, lol). We hook up.

Fastforward: Me and all my relatives are outside having a nerf gun war. The nerf guns look very real however, and shoot very realistically as well. I pick up an RPG, and it shoots the foam rocket identically to it's real predecessor. I thought about how sweet of a nerf gun it was.

______________

I am driving in a suburban to see a surprise that one of my friends has for me. When we get out of the suburban, I see a full sized, as well as an alive T-Rex.

"How in the hell is that thing existing right now?!" I asked my friend.

"They did took DNA from bone morrow of a T-Rex that was frozen." My friend replied (been watching too much Discovery channel I think lol).

I continued to watch in complete awe, as it's trainer made sure the T-Rex would not do anything ridiculous. I remembered watching this whole thing and noticing there was a small rope "caging" in the T-Rex.

_______________

I decided to try and DEILD when I woke up in the morning. It worked, at least for a minute. I am standing in the middle of a grass-field, and a wolf is standing in front of me. All of a sudden I feel the dream pulling away again, so I start to inspect the grass blades on the ground to stabilize it. It worked for a couple of seconds, however, it soon completely crashed down, even after an attempt to rub my hands and spin.


Note: Starting to notice that the gold/blonde wolf and gray wolf in my dreams seem to be yet another dream sign, as they show up a lot.

Had some interesting dreams last night, including one lucid. Unfortunately, I can't recall over half of what happened, so no entry tonight. Expect one tomorrow for sure.

I am in a hotel room with some friends from high-school. We all at first greet one another and sit around the nice bar in the hotel room. We then decide we are hungry and head down to the cafeteria. All of a sudden, I am wearing a green sleeveless water suit. I see a lot of people in the cafeteria eying me because of the odd outfit, but I shrug it off. I continue to walk around the cafeteria and find some girls from my high-school, and one of them begs be to meet their dad. So, I follow them and proceed to meet up with their dad. Dream is a bit fuzzy after that...

____________

This blonde haired guy is driving me to his house somewhere in the suburbs, and now that I think of it, the man looked a lot like Keith Barry (the magician/mentalist). He took me to his house and I was forced to follow him around, I forget exactly what he was trying to train me to do.

Fast-forward: I am going back to Keith Barry's house, however I am rollerblading for some reason and it is poring rain outside on the way there. Keith then meets me outside of his house and urges me to get in his car. Dream ends.

____________

Warning: can be considered to be disturbing

I am traveling with a bunch of family members, friends, and famous people to a vacation spot on the beach to relax and have fun. We are all taking these white vans. When we get to our destination, however, it is far from any beach, and North Korean officers (at least it seemed like North Korean) snatched us by our hands and bound us so we couldn't struggle. We are forced up a hill, and on top of the hill, they force all of us to go through torturous exercises. While changing exercises, I remember glancing over at medicine bottles and gold bond on a rack in the middle of the hill we were forced to perform torturous exercises. On the bottles, I was trying to make out the date of them for some reason, but they seemed too far away. I glimpsed at what looked like an 8 on one of them, so I concluded it was the 8th (of whatever). At the end of the torture, the placed me bound on my knees with a gun pointed at my head. They then asked me what the date was on the medicine in the middle of the hill, and if I got it wrong I would be killed.

"It's the 8th!" I said, as I felt an unnatural sweat covering my body like a film.

"let him go," One of the officers said, as he tossed me to another officer. He then escorted me down the hell to meet up with a bunch more people who had passed the same test apparently after going through the torture. I asked one of them when we are leaving.

"You think we are getting out of here soon? Where are the vans?" I said desperately.

"Hah!" One of the DCs said, "You think we are leaving? They are going to keep us here and control us forever."

The white vans came back, and the officers filed us into the vans (those of us that were alive still), and drove us somewhere remote that we had no idea about. The question about where we were going was answered soon enough however, as we stepped out of the van we entered the property of a perfectly circular island, With a bunch of buildings in the center that were enormous. On the border of the circular island were millions of beds, and roofs over top of them like awnings. We were escorted into the middle of the island where the gigantic buildings were, and were sent to our hotel rooms in them. The men escorting us were unnaturally large, like the size of the hulk in the movie. These men were kind of weird looking.

I met my parents in my hotel room I was assigned to, and there were cameras and bugs everywhere in the hotel room. I talked with them about how this must be a concentration camp in North Korea or something, and that the hotel room we were assigned to was actually extremely nice.

Fast-forward: It is night time, and I am sleeping on one of the beds around the outer edge of the island. All of a sudden Tara, from True Blood, sits and lays down two beds beside me. She has blood all over, as well as patched up wounds on her arms and legs I could see. I ask a guy beside me about what happened to her, and he explained that the officers had Tara in "custody" all day, and that she was most likely beaten and raped for a long time. Poor girl, I thought to myself, as I examined her beautiful body that was littered with patched up wounds and blood. I continue to lay there for a while trying to play on my phone, but the phone keeps messing up, so I abandoned the idea.

All of a sudden I hear 2 officers coming into the area where the beds were, screaming in a language I did not understand. They went up to Tara, and yelled in her face for a long time, and Tara returned the favor and was screaming at them as well. Eventually the language turned into English, and the North Korean officers said to her "Now your really going to pay."

Tara starts screaming "NO! NOOO!" as she starts to weep again, and the officers reappear with a chair that resembled what looked like a chair to completely constrain someone so they could not move at all. Although she struggled, the officers subdued her in the chair and strapped her down. They gathered a bunch of tools that looked extremely evil in nature, such as large pliers, needles, tweezers, and a screwdriver. I couldn't bare to watch so I got up and put my back to it as I leaned against a ledge that was separating the walkway from the area of beds. The guy I talked to a little earlier had joined me on the ledge. As I over-heard Tara's shrieks of pain, I couldn't even think of what they were doing to her in that chair... it made me sick. It made me so sick I began crying in me dream. I had one hand on the ledge I was leaning against while the other covered my tears rolling down my face.

"If I could only shift into a wolf right now like I do in my dreams, these fuckers would really pay," I actually thought to myself, which is quite ironic. Little did I know I WAS dreaming (fail).

I then asked the buddy next to me what he thought about it. He then proceeded to tell me that they are most likely going to strip some of her fingernails and toenails off. This made me weep a little more as I continued to hear the sounds of Tara screaming in agony. After a while, the screaming ceased, and me and the buddy next to me saw the two officers covered in blood, carrying the chair towards the buildings in the middle of the island. Then they had disappeared. I knew Tara would need some consoling, so I ran up to her bed and sat next to her.

I opened up my arms offering to let her cry on my shoulder, and she took the offer generously. She came into my arms and pressed her eyes as hard as she could into my should and proceeded to cry excruciatingly loud. the tears and the loud crying made me ache, and I clutched her as hard as I could until the crying ceased a bit. She let go and laid next to me still half way in my arms. Then, all of a sudden she creeped her hands down my pants, and brought me in close to kiss her. It didn't feel right to go from such excruciating pain to being sexual, so I told her to relax. I definitely was not in that mood at the time.

"But I want it! Please!" she begged.

"Tara I can't, just relax," I said with concern, and continued to lay there.

Fast-forward: A person appears on the balcony of one of the tall buildings in the center that was close to the beds we were laying in. It was morning, and we all stood up to see what the hell was going on. A large lady was on the balcony with a microphone or a megaphone, one of them. She proceeded to tell us we must say everything that she says. Then, she started chanting words, and the crowd at the bed level would follow. I knew I had to do what they said now, especially after what I saw they did with Tara the night before. I joined in.

The thought of turning into a wolf like in my dreams creeped into my head once again, however, I did not think to do a reality check (another fail). One of the hulk looking men came up to me and started a conversation with me after the morning's chant session we had with the large lady on the balcony.

"What's wrong (my name)?"

"Oh nothing, just thinking about something." That something was ripping apart the place with my large wolf jaws.

"What is it?" He asked again.

"Honestly it's nothing. I am a little hungry actually, so that may be it." I lied.

That's when I woke up, and actually recalled quite a bit of the nap's dream. Was extremely vivid, and was quite disturbing as well. Not to mention I had plenty of opportunities to RC (such as the medicine bottles, and shifting thoughts), but still failed.

First I am involved in a paint-ball fight in the middle of a mall. Unfortunately, I suddenly remembered I left my gun back at home, so I had to run from the blaze of gun fire while unable to defend myself. I don't remember much more than that.

_________

I am walking through the first level of a 2 level mall, and I am following my parents through it. I start to stare at a symbol on a marble wall that was isolated in the middle of the mall. Although I "knew" I was not in a dream (haha or so I thought), I decided to try and do a reality check on the metal symbol on the marble wall. I looked away and looked back at the symbol 3 times, and it did change small details about it.

"Holy shit, am I dreaming!? But it feels too real to be a dream, everything looks somewhat normal..." I told myself

I decided to try and see if I was dreaming by aiming my arm at an object on the second level in the mall, and tried to make it explode with my mind. Nothing... I guess I am not dreaming. One more RC to see if I am.

So, I chose to close my nose with my fingers to see if I was able to breath still. I was, but it felt like I was barely able to. It felt like there was a small crack that my fingers didn't cover that allowed me to breath a bit, and it seemed realistic to me at the time. So, I decided I was not dreaming in the end...

As the dream continued and any lucidity left was completely gone, I walked up to the symbol I was doing RCs on before and took it down. I continued to walk around the mall with my parents with the large metal awkward looking symbol in my hand. I remember that I continued to do RCs on it through the rest of the dream, but the symbol changed very little every time. Thus, no lucid.

Note: Next time I am not sure whether the RC was successful or not, continue to use different RCs until I am positive I am in or not in a dream...

I am sitting at my desk playing some type of modern modern version of the old Asteroids game when I realize I am wearing sunglasses. I take off the sunglasses and put them down on the desk only to look back up and realize they are still on my face. I take them off again but this time i reach up with my other hand and feel my face. Then I suspected that I was dreaming so I did a reality check and became lucid.
Remembering my goal, (a first!) I get up and go out into the hallway. I fly up through the ceiling and wake up.



Notes: The reason I couldnt remove the sunglasses is probably because of changing light levels, though I have never had that happen before... Unfortunately I didnt achieve my goal in this dream but at least I remembered it before I woke up!

January to June Tags

I've neglected my dream journal.

I want to keep track of how my tags change over time, if they do. So this post is just to list my tags for early 2010.

Water. Flying. Dream-Skill. Strange-DC. Nature. Violence. Transform. Chase-dream. Reality-Check. Monsters. Adventure. School. Amazing-sky. Dream-wheel. Darkness. Window. Work. End-of-world. Foreign-place. Mind-invasion. Liberating-dcs. Dark-presence. Forgotten-convo. Vivid. Communication. Portal. Strong-emotion. Spiral. Time. . . . .

Ok I'm going to write two nights here.

1. I dreamed I was insane. I reacted calmly. I was in a bathroom and was about to get on with a hot woman when like 2-3 guys ran in and started hitting me. Then they vanished and I realized they were imaginary.
Later in the dream I walked into a building. It was sort of like a school. I walked left up to some stairs. I stopped and got lucid. I talked to myself and reminded me "I'm dreaming". I saw a black man in his middle age. He was like a DG or similar. He talked to me. He said like "Your subconsciousness is up there, in here... and inside you" (he made gestures with his hands). I became more lucid and my vision zoomed in a bit and everything got more vivid and I got dizzy. Then I had to go up and fight some characters to get rid of my craziness. I won. I woke up and didn't move. I thought about the dream. Then I moved and I felt a wave of oblivion wash over the dream. I lost a lot of details like the characters for example.

I dreamed I sat outside my house and my neighbor stole some gas from my moped. Then some kids played hide and seek near my yard. I went inside and found my mom in there. She told me that her mom had taken her life. I hugged her and started thinking about my grandma and got some tears in my eyes. Then I woke up and my eyes were a bit wet. I felt relieved.

2. War city and going to parties.
Later I got lucid. I was at a china town looking street where I had been before in the dream. I think I sat in a car and got a ride up the street. There were people outside. I've thought about dream control and I was going to make things feel natural, as flying feels natural to me. I reached out with my arm and started waving my hand slowly, feeling a big invisible force strike at the people. I could see that they reacted on something pushing them. I don't know what to call this power but I guess it's a ghost force hand for now.

I'm excited that I've made some progress in dream control.

Stuff to Do

There's a few things I want to do in future lucids to increase quality and vividness. I thought I'd post them in here to remind myself. The main one is to find more natural methods of dream control than forcing my visualizations into existence in the dream world. In the sweet WILD I had earlier, there were a few times where I tried to change scene, or get someone to appear, purely by trying to see them. It kind of half-worked, but I lost a lot of focus on the entire dream world, and the results were pretty poor. (One example was a ghost-like, ugly girl who appeared instead of a hot girl I was after- her face also distorted a few times)

I guess the results were so bad because my imaginative facilities were already in full use with rendering an entire world. That could be why it's hard to visualise things in your head in dreams- everything is already in your head, we can't have a "dream imagination" without the subject of our imagination coming into existence... can we? Anyway, if I maybe used some more logic-friendly control methods, I could get clearer results.

28.01.2010

Forgotten DEILD (DEILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

this morning, I remember doing a DEILD. However, I can't remember the dream itself! I was lying on my left side, visualising a dreamscape I had just left- a grassy gnoll near my dad's house.

I was comfortably in the stage where I was actually "seeing" the scene rather than just imagining it, and I thought to myself,
"Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about," before my memory goes blank.


Warning: tangent...

This got me thinking about how the brain creates our reality. Now I'm no neuroscientist, but that doesn't stop me hypothesizing! When we see things, sensory information is sent from the eye to the brain, where the brain processes it all, allowing us to "see". But when we are recieving little/no sensory input (ie during sleep), surely the brain can still do its processing? In fact, I think the senses are not completely essential for the creation of a reality by the brain. When I was trying to DEILD, it felt like I was "seeing". Of course, my real eyes weren't involved at all, the scene was created from my imagination. The brain will still be firing the same neurons, doing the same processing as it would if it was getting the input from my eyes rather than my imagination. I highly doubt this is making any sense at all, hopefully someone knows what I'm getting at, even if I can't word it...

I guess my concluding thought would be: how different are dreams from reality? A quotation from Morpheus springs to mind,
"If real is what you can feel, smell, taste and see, then 'real' is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain."

A majority of this dream consisted of being a part of a sports team and the night before a big game the next day. I could not find the place to get my room key for a long time so I traveled all over to find it with no luck. I run into a family friend who is talking about me and embarrassing me while making a toast extremely intoxicated in the lobby. I am late getting into my room and look around it for a while.

_______

I am outside and it has been snowing. There are thousands of people playing in it, and I spot some of my friends who have laid down a tarp so that we could slide down a hill on it. I try it but I get stuck. I look around, the snow is gone, and everyone else who was playing in the snow is gone. I was by myself on the tarp.

_______

We are on a boat somewhere in a jungle and in the woods. A man spots a coyote out to me and a person sitting next to me in the boat.

"You know, coyotes get eaten by wolves all the time" The man sitting next to me says.

________

I am in a van, all of a sudden the van stops, and the sliding door opens up. I get up off my seat and am about to step on the ground, until I look closer at the asphalt and notice it is moving like a liquid would. All of a sudden something clicks and I realize I am dreaming.

After I become lucid, I hop down and get on all fours to kickstart a full transformation into a timber wolf so I can accomplish one of my lucid goals. The transformation, however, brought incredible pain to my face where the wolf snout was being contorted and broken outwards from my face. The pain was so unbearable that I thought I may have been feeling the pain in my real life body in bed while I was LDing, so I got spooked and forced myself to wake up before the transformation was even finished.

Notes: Pain has been occurring randomly with my transformations now. Going to have to find a way to either not get spooked and deal with the pain, or take a "pain killer" before I begin a transformation from now on.