side notes

Today I went for my daily meditation session later...at 19.00...usual routine, make sure I'm warm enough, dim the light right down, play quiet backgound music. I realise that I am drifting into hypnagogic sleep because I suddenly realised that I was slumping forward from my normal upright stance (I estimate that at least 20 minutes had passed because the music is on its 2nd loop.)

As I slowly straightened with my eyes still closed (I'm well-conditioned to remain with my eyes shut and I always do things like correcting posture or dealing with itches as if it's a slow ritual...so as not to break the atmosphere) Instinctively now, I thought “create a square.”

What I got was a much larger square than normal and inside it was a clear, quite-detailed black and white outline of a house (was it more sepia? Maybe). Then reaction set in...part of me is conditioned to “bring the mind home” for meditation...part of me felt the excitement I got when I first started getting lucid events because this might be another step towards successful visualisation ...and the image faded.

What I now know about brain neurons (my minions as I now choose to call them) is that they begin to work in unison on a set task and the more they band together the better the result. Dare I hope that they have taken the “create a square” task a stage further? Right my little minions...if so start recruiting more because I'm going to try and use meditation to get to a focussed state of hynagogia and train myself to (a) keep calm when I get an image and (b)...the difficult bit...try and move further into a sleep state while remaining partially aware (a WILD of course)

I used to regularly defy convention and attempt to WILD during the day by merely relaxing. I used to get strong SP and really strong “rushes” (as if I was going somewhere) But a dream never formed and I eventually abandoned my attempts because I began to wonder if the strength of the sensations might in fact be damaging something (perhaps my minions were getting a bit punchy.)

Maybe my current ability to meditate is what was lacking before and I'm reaching a more relaxed state. (certainly I cannot create images when fully awake) Interestingly though, I'm not getting SP or the “rushes” this time around...maybe they'll return when I train myself to hang loose and let things move forward.

As I always say...only time...and continued experimentation will tell.

1. Connect to Subconscious: Ask questions to learn more about myself and learn how to make a permanent connection with it.

[Notes]:
- Not much to say. I'm pretty surprised I remember anything at all; I went to bed at 1:30AM.

Lucid Non-lucid Non-dream
[Dream begins]:
So I'm at MPROD and A decides we have to go to my house to meet. It's a post-apocalyptic world, kinda like Fallout, and we drive up to some barn. I disarm some tentacle-mine things... yeah.
[Dream ends...]

Dreamed I went downhill and bought a rust bucket skeletal remnant of a 1971-1976 G.M. Clamshell Station Wagon. Even the frame was paper thin, and I may have paid some ridiculous amount for it. At some point I and the previous owner went in the car, turned a knob and removed the body from the frame. I then moved the body. I also recall going back uphill at some point.

I've had dreams of these cars before. Most of the time they're shown as rusty carcasses of cars and some don't even look like cars by the time they show up in-dream. OK, I admit it's just a car and all possessions end up being destroyed eventually.

Part 1:

The earliest relevant part of this dream started with me in a Walmart parking lot; I've seen one particular van - a rusty 1980s conversion van - parked there which I assumed owned to an employee there in waking life. So, I went there and somehow got into this particular van and decided to paint the interior including the headliner. I was doing this with one or more people; then somehow the focus left me and I'm not sure it was me anymore working on the van, the van was moved over the parking lot and not parked in the same place it was left by whoever left it there.

Part 2:

The next segment showed two teenagers, one caucasian black haired female and a guy who had no facial hair, I think in the Walmart being talked at by Walter White from Breaking Bad (NOTE I have never watched Breaking Bad and had to look up the Wiki page to learn the character's name to post this, I only ever heard a clip from the show in a MLP: FIM parody video) and a woman who was with Walter; the teenagers were working for Walter and that woman. Next, I have to tell you I have a pendant which I'm wearing even as I type this:

https://derpiboo.ru/732561

The teenage girl was wearing it around her neck. Walter then took it off her and said "What the hell is this?" and she said "I don't know!" and wanted to get out of there, though I didn't think it was for what Walter was about to do; somehow he and the three other people were suddenly in a basement or other enclosed area like setting with the teenagers tied up. Walter and the woman then,

Spoiler for spoiled for squeamish folk,:

took a two-person saw like what would be used for a log and cut off part of the girl's butt in a heart shape - I don't think the teen yelled or cried or anything and there was no blood or bleeding and then I think Walter was about to show it to her. No evidence of pain from the teenager came to my mind upon seeing this.

...

Thoughts:

I painted my bedroom several weeks before I had this dream - two to three weeks. It means a fresh start and new things to think about, for me. Painting the van could be much similar to that if not the same thing, and vans go places...

I have to admit I had previously read about people using vans to make meth in, I also knew about the TV show "Breaking Bad" being about making meth. But I have never watched an episode, and although I heard Walter White's name before in that Pony video I didn't pay substantial conscious attention to it. Still, the subconscious works in many ways I don't really know. I did read a synopsis of Breaking Bad, and then learned Walter uses his R.V. in the show to make meth in... And then there's the painting I was doing on the interior of a van, meaning maybe I much want to avoid that route? Yes.

So, with all that in mind I think this dream may be meaning that I have been worrying about the future too much, like Walter; I do wear that pendant which I like, and the worry (Walter; remember his predicament in Breaking Bad) would be like "What the hell are you wearing?" because of what meaning I ascribe to the nice pendant, which doesn't mean to worry about financial concerns or the fact I'm gonna die some day. And if that girl was meant to represent me, I didn't feel a pain in the rear from what the two of them did!

[Notes]:
- By simply focusing on HI as I lightly fell asleep on a road trip, I was able to catch some of the following dreams before waking up.

Lucid Non-Lucid Non-Dream

[HI #1]:
There’s something about this indistinct figure (me? clear person?) buying a shotgun. The shotgun was kinda invisible, with only a couple contours being visible. The figure loads a red shell into it (from the side; it was a sideways-break barrel). There’s some notion of him not being able to have it. Glasses, top hat, trenchcoat? Kinda like Murdered: Soul Suspect.
Looking at the same mall as the Harbor Freight, from about 20 parking spaces back. There’s this brown, thick smoke originating out of nowhere, and it floats to the left, leaving a thick vapor trail. It appears to start getting constrained, as if there’s a clear glass tube around it. The voice of mom says “That unattended mule can drive.”

[HI #2]:
It’s a 50’s commercial. Panning back from the Portal cake, with this plank moving above it. A woman says the motto: “Dozens of bunches for every twelve hundred you choose.”

[HI #3]:
This was created by purposefully thinking of a random story based on random thoughts. I would guide it into a dream semi-consciously, letting my subconscious as well as my conscious work together.
It started off with a strange apparatus that looked like an old telephone hanger, but my brain immediately concluded it was a lighter that hung on the wall. People would go up to it and light their cigarettes, cigars, among other things. It simply zapped whatever you put into it. The young, cartoon-ish inventor, in a top hat, looked to “the camera” and said, “Hey! I’ll call it the auto-lighting lighter -- the auto-lighting-er -- the Auto-Lighter!” Poor people of the proletariat (scruffy lookin’ dudes with grey clothes) would enter businesses solely for the use of the Auto-Lighters, and this caused some civil strife.

[Notes]:
- Used WBTB. The dream came in fairly late after I fell asleep.
- For the longest time I was trying to WILD, but I gave up. I'll have to ask about that!
- Had my first lucid FA!
- I also had a DEILD!? I guess!
- I'd been working on observing HI for a while that day, as well as the night before.
- I'm changing my format to one I've seen around a lot.

Lucid Non-Lucid Non-Dream

[Enter dream:]
So I walk into the new MPC room, and there's practically twenty-five people. Almost all of them are black, except for AI. I look around, and in anarchy people are kinda running around and showing music and stuff. I realize I'm late. TQ (who had a different name in the dream) was showing his newest trap beat to everyone, and it sounded pretty good. People were bopping to him, and he was doing great. My old chem teacher held me up as I did the Hotline Bling dance

Anyway, I eventually got up in front of the club awkwardly. I apologized for being late and said, "I always say welcome to my clubs," as I wrote on this neon blackboard. I wrote "Welcome" in chickenscratch and then some other gibberish about what we were going to do, then realized it was kinda illegible. I picked it up and showed it to a girl in front and said, "Is any of that remotely legible?" And she shook her head. I started to write *more* legibly on the real whiteboard, but I realized I was just wasting everyone's time with it, so I just turned around and started asking people what they do. I asked AI what he does (for some reason I associated him with an avatar of a cartoon eagle), and he cockily replied with some crazy technological thing. He had some contraption that was put together with a button on it... sounded like crap if I remember right. Then, there was this other kid who wanted to go. I asked him what he did, but he kinda had a hard time explaining. He played it. It was a video, but apparently he had overdubbed the speech or something. The bell rang and the club ended.

There was something about going to my old middle school, and meeting siblings of my friends. The dream fragments.

I'm out on the wall in my yard. There's this scrawny little pine tree on the middle of the hill that's not usually there. I go over to it, and then I hear something. I look over, and this little doe is charging me from the west side by the creek. I see it and it comes to me at full speed. It gets close and I freak out and crawl up the little tree. Halfway up, I recognize the nightmare feeling, and I fully realize that I'm dreaming. Just to make sure, I look at my hands, and of course I have six fingers on each hand.

I suddenly wake up from excitement. At this moment, I immediately tried to fall back into the dream. Guess what? It worked!

I'm standing next to the same pine tree. I look around, not lucid yet, and see something under my porch. Something big. It's a moose this time, with a full set of antlers. The fear sets in, and it begins to run for me. At this moment, I recognize the fear, and become aware. It was an achievement to finally be able to dive back into a dream. Call it a DEILD! The moose stands there, and I look at my palms. Again, I've got some odd number of fingers.

Suddenly, I wake up in my room. I turn on the light and look at my hands. TWELVE FINGERS!!! I suddenly realize that I just had my first false awakening. I continue to look at my hands as to stabilize the dream, but it barely works. I see my dog chilling out in front of my bed, looking at me. "Oh, hey, it's a dream character!" I thought. I remembered one of my long-time goals of asking for a joke, and did so. Then I just started hearing my own joke from my own head. It clearly wasn't a subconscious thought.

I woke up and felt relieved. This lucid was the best one I've had in months, and it's great to finally get back in the groove.

Hi,

I'm keeping my dream journals on evernote, it's convenient for me with tagging and all the other features. However, I'll also post some of my dreams here. Mostly lucids only, but also dreams which I feel are share-worthy.

COLOR CODES

• Black - non-lucids as well as commentary.
• Teal - lucids as well as commentary.

Well that's simple enough. Thanks for dropping in! ^^

[Notes]:
- Meh, not too much. at the beginning of a not-stressful week.

[Dream 1]:
This truck (blue or red) and my advisor for chem who is my dad in the dream were out in this field, apparently to do a photo shoot. He's carrying this metal mesh that he's ripped into three or so peices, but suddently this facehugger/horseshoe crab hops out and stings him on the shoulder, and continues to jump around. Apparently, it's poisonous.

[Dream 2]:
I'm at this "Ice Bar" for some sort of community outreach program. It's this big chunky white building, possibly inspired by a Minecraft mod. It's rather empty on the inside, outside of a couple spinny/lawn chairs. Me, L, and S are all in there. S is clearly high as usual and asks me if I want to "hang out" like he usually does, and I reject. L laughs, and I leave...

[The dream fragments...]

I had 4 LDs last night to reach #1000!

RelaxAndDream asked about this LD so I'll share it in case anybody else is curious about it.

I woke up from a dream and heard a child in my room screaming some nonsense. The little (Caribbean?) girl came up to me to where I could see a part of her from under my blanket. I tried to get up but could barely move. I asked her to pull the blanket for me so I could see. She pulled the blanket to reveal a male adult dc beside her covered with white make-up it seemed. I asked his name out of curiosity and he said something I couldn't understand. I asked which country he was from as he spoke with a bit of an accent. He said he was from France and Costa Rica. I woke up.

So, yeah, my 1000th LD was less special that I was hoping it would be. That's okay, though! I had plans to summon and eat a cake and then summon and ride a dolphin in search of a cave to explore, but barely being able to move and being distracted by DCs made a dent in those plans.

5 more LDs and I'll be up to 365 for the year. It's been about 3 in a quarter years since I joined Dream views. When I joined, my LD count was at 20.

As far as LD technique, I've gone back to simply setting my dream control intention and then staring at the blackness behind my eyelids until I start dreaming. With this, I had and caught 3 FAs last night. I've had multiple LDs the last few nights after a dry November and start of December so I'm excited about the future. I really want to get better at dream control and stabilization, though. It's kind of frustrating!

Last saturday 12/12/15 was my last day working at night. On monday of this week I started day shifts.

For last 2 weeks or so, my dreams are so compeletely effed up. Bad dreams with things that...urgh

[Notes]:
- This happened a while back, can't remember much about it.

[Fragment 1]:
I get into my car with a couple of friends (one of them is W). For some reason, the driver's seat is on the right side. I hear these strange gas-like sounds in the car behind me, and I look, and low and behold my friends are smoking crack in my car with a couple of test tubes. I flip out at them, and they get legit scared and run away. I run after them. I eventually find myself on top of this tree house, and these police/neighborhood watch people start shouting at me, scolding me for scolding my friends for having crack.

[Fragment 2]:
Something about my bus being late... turning onto a neighborhood street.

[Fragment 3]:
There was this crazy lightning storm above my house. [DREAMSIGN] It flew over and ended up on the east side, spewing out confetti-like sine wave lightning like crazy.

[Notes]:
- Very vivid.
- I wrote some rudimentary notes a while back, but now I can't remember that much outside of them.
- The setting was rather all over the place; it was more like I was watching a movie with cuts in between than actually flowing through a whole dream.

[Dream begins]:
My family doctor had prescribed me heroin, and I didn't really know why (possibly depression?). I was supposed to shoot up once a day, every morning. My syringes came in these blue or black plastic containers in packs of 10 or 20.

I had become dependent on it. In order to feel any sense of normality, I'd have to shoot up. On the first day of the dream, I shot up in the morning, but then started feeling crappy in the afternoon. I know I was only supposed to shoot once, but I just had to do it again. Thus began the cycle. The next day, I made it halfway through the day, then shot up again. Then again a couple hours later, and so on. At the end of the day, I realized that I had shot up five times. I realized I had a problem. The next day, I decided I would only shoot up once in the morning, as prescribed. I made it into the day a little, feeling relatively fine, and then I started to feel crappy. I had a HUD that had a happy meter that was like a battery, and it was nearing empty. I began to feel like my whole body was hurting, sweats, and fever.

[Dream ends]

SC1) 12:51
True SC1
I woke up and had some small memories of dreamlets but nothing solid enough to put on paper. I did a WBTB to let the cat out of my room and also to eat some apple crumble (because why not? )

I don't usually wake up at this time so this is the first I've woken up for the 1st sleep cycle of the night.

SC2) 02:32
Dream - Boar hunt
I was in my house, yet it didn't exactly resemble it at first. It seemed that we were on a camp (university camp?) and I found out there was a huge pig/boar running around in the house. I decide to deal with it, it's in a small room that has a refrigerator and other food stuff in it. I knock the boar unconscious somehow and wonder if I should put it into the freezer and let it die that way? Hmm oh well I'll leave it for now. I decide to go ask for help, I head outside and on my way out of the small room I see a stack of bagged pig meat and blood and guts. When I get outside I see 3 guys and maybe 4 girls all sunbathing. The guys have their shirts off and the girls are bikinis, they're all lying on beach towels on the back deck of my house (though it's clear it's not my 'house' if that makes sense). I also remember one of the guys who was called Alex Sigley. I speak up and ask if someone wants to go half with me on the boar I just killed, 3 of the guys say yes but none of the girls want any. One girl then gets up with a sigh as she knows how to deal with the boar (butchering it or something) which is what I wanted, I have no clue how to deal with this thing.

My current WBTB alarm is set to 02:00 and I need to set it to 02:30 I think, as that seems to be the right time to wake up.

SC3) 04:18
Dream - Bomb shelter
I'm on a road near where I live there the road forks off. There was quite a few people here on the road with me and we were chatting (though I don't remember who they were). We must have been doing some sort of roadworks. Things were pretty happy during most of the dream but towards the end a train arrived. It turned the corner out of one of the roads that forked off and headed onto our road (this is impossible, and also there's no train there in RL). We alert each other to the train and head over to the pavement, I have to pull along a retard who was clapping his hands. There's a person doing the announcements, he berates us and I notice we're missing some people. The missing people had been 'dealt with'. "Keep away from the manhole cover!" the announcer announced angrily. I can tell he's evil. The manhole cover he spoke of was a sort of 'time capsule' for the rich, so they could be protected in the case of nuclear fallout (Fallout 4 reference I guess). There's a bunch of rich folk (who look like they're from the 1950s) streaming out of the train I think, but they had also supposedly just exited the manhole, but they were walking towards the manhole (rather than away from it), and also seemed to be walking past it. (Poor dream logic but I didn't catch on so no lucid ).

SC4) 05:58
Dream - Balding
I'm in the bathroom looking into the mirror, WHAT THE HELL. My hair has bald patches all through it! Ugh, oh no... This can't be real? I have a FA and I'm in the bathroom again, but this time my hair is normal. Phew, it was just a dream . I keep looking at the mirror just to make sure, my reflection is quite accurate. But as I look at my eyes... My iris' don't seem right, they look like solid green disks with a black pupil that isn't quite in the center. Hmm??? It changes a couple times, why is it doing that? Oh wait, I must be dreaming. It all seems so obvious now. I take a step back and my vision is that of a severely drunk person, why can't I see well? I decide on going straight to doing telekinesis on the toilet. I raise my hand and will the toilet to float but to no avail. Meanwhile I'm still seeing the world in a sort of drunken state. Geeze maybe that's why I can't do telekinesis? Oh! It must be because I went cross-eyed looking at my reflection earlier? ( best dream logic) I 'uncross' my eyes and the dream becomes less shaky. That's better. I walk out of the bathroom and to my room, I try to do telekinesis again but my vision kind of becomes a bit drunk once more and I'm unsuccessful at telekinesis.

SC5) 07:00
Dream - Restaurant
I remember being in a restaurant and I think I'm an employee. The restaurant has a dark wooden texture and has an appropriate dim mood-light setting for dining out. I'm at the checkout talking to an Indian girl who is a fellow employee, I think we're talking about something and she might be teaching me how to work here. Her face is next to mine, side by side with a bit of a gap between us. She says something and it's a bit flirtatious and she moves in to kiss me. Our lips touch and I'm like 'Oh shit, have I just cheated on my gf? Well... I'm in the middle of the kiss, I'll wait until it's over' (for some reason I thought this was the only option ). The kiss was very vivid, I remember closing my eyes to it and feeling the texture of her lips, they soft and have a smooth feeling which made me think it wasn't quite right for how kissing should feel. She gets into the kiss, I wake up before it finishes.

I tried writing this down but all I wrote was 'Kiss in restaurant, I'm an employee'. I must have really struggled to stay awake O_O

Dream fragment - Disgusting Toes
I'm in the living room at home and see that my mum has just gotten home from work. She's taking her shoes off as I go and talk to her about my toes. They have these absolutely revolting, putrid, disgusting bubbly veruca wart growths on them, mostly on my big left toe, the bottom of the toe next to it and a couple other toes. My mum doesn't take it seriously enough, can she see how disgusting it looks? I'm a little stressed and anxious about the whole thing. I remember that I may have gotten them from an earlier dream in the night where I was running at night time with a couple people. Something happened and there was broken glass on the ground which had the blood of someone else I was with on it. I got a few shards in my toes and that's how my foot got infected it seems.

Got to bed at 00:00 woke up at 1:40 with a lucid.
was an interesting experience. i was lying awake in my bed and "couldnt fall asleep". just like that thinking around and decide to do a nosepinch and was lucid... i dont know if i was awake for real before or if it was a FA. i think i woke up before i could do anything but just lay still and DEILDED back in. my ancor was tractile sense... i am not sure if i am in my dream again. i do a a motionless RC where i close my respiratory ways in my throat. i seem to dream. i do a nosepinch to be sure. i carefully open my eyes. they feel dry. everything is dark. i then stand up and see that i have the cloth on i went to bed with. i put on my slippers. i know i am dreaming but it feels weird. it is so realistic. no random or dreamy stuff just my room. i go to the window and want to phase thru but it is solid and cold. it feels like 100% waking... i looked at my hand and it looked perfectly normal. but i repeatedly try and can breath thru my pinched nose.... but this seems the only sign i am really dreaming. i look around and see that a jacket is lying on my bed and my plant window board looked slightly different so i finally accept that i must be dreaming and dare to open the window and fly or glide outside and down to a DC. i started a short convo like "hi how are you" but then say ah no sry and just go away. i fly some meters (this time like a bird with moving my arms, it feels exhausting) got to a restaurant called Pharaoh. i get the desire to go inside and eat something. it looks closed but when i approache it i see it is open. there is a table with some plates. from right to left it seems that the food gets more done/cooked. from raw over breaded to grilled. i take the plate to my left. it is already used by someone and there is just a piece of steak left and some fries. i take the plate and move to a table. at the table right next to me is a man and a woman smoking i think but i dont pay to much attention and dont smellanything. i think it was their plate but who cares. i sit down and start eating. the beef tastes incredible. but somewhat it is dry in my mouth and i cant swallow it. i just tasted one bite. i want to eat more but i just cant get rid of it in my mouth... i wake up shortly after.
the whole time i couldnt get the scene of matrix out of my head
Cypher: You know, I know this steak doesn't exist. I know that when I put it in my mouth, the Matrix is telling my brain that it is juicy and delicious. After nine years, you know what I realize?
[Takes a bite of steak]
Cypher: Ignorance is bliss.

i had a strange feeling in this dream. thinking about the definition of reality...