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I am at work with Lainey. We have stopped a teen girl right outside the mall entrance. I think it’s the same girl that she stopped in Sephora and had me be a witness for. Her mom happens to be right over here, so we have her come over. I kind of explain what happened and tell her it’ll be easier since she’s here. The mom seems pretty understanding. I am holding a shoe box that is apparently what she stole. I start to go through it, and I find ear buds (which I think could’ve been hers since they’re a little tangled and not exactly brand new looking) and a smaller pair of shoes shoved inside a larger pair of shoes (they’re like a converse or something with a high ankle area that allows this to happen). I noticed that the box did feel a little heavy. I talk to just Lainey for a second - she wants to let her go, but I really don’t since the shoes are around $100.

I am outside somewhere with whom I am pretty sure is Scott from work. The area looks like stereotypical Nevada scenery - gentle hills, dirt, and sagebrush. I am chewing on what seems to be a few tiny pieces of bone, separating any meat left on them. As I listen to Scott talk, I spit the pieces completely devoid of meat. He is telling me about Nathaniel’s girlfriend and how she goes somewhere or has access to somewhere (due to wealth, family, etc.). We’re apparently going to use her connections to go there as well. I picture her, think about telling him I know her, then tell him “Kevin, I mean Nathaniel, is one of my old best friends.”




I am with one or two employees at work (it is not really work, but seems more like a multiple level shopping center or hotel). I think Hunter is one of them. We’re each carrying a stack of jeans and when we walk past a man one of us gets the idea to say something that makes it sound like we’re trying to steal these. The man falls for it and starts following us. We end up down on the ground floor and outside or in an outdoor entryway area, right outside the elevator. I think we’ve left the jeans elsewhere, and the man is gone too. I’m looking at the gap between the elevator and the floor that is exposed by the open doors. I shine my phone’s flashlight into it, tentatively, afraid of dropping my phone down it. I contemplate what happens to things that are dropped down there. I can’t see the bottom.

Morning of March 30, 2019. Saturday.

Dream #: 19,094-03. Reading time: 45 sec.



I find myself in a mostly undefined outdoor area in an unknown location seemingly late at night. There is an eerie mood but no discernment of a threat.

Two wheelie bins are present. One is for rubbish and the other for recyclables. Their lids are both open and hanging down. The essence of liminal space is present with a vague association with a beach and ocean fossils (as if I or someone else had put some in the recycle bin to collect), but I do not maintain any coherence on this idea.

The wheelie bin for rubbish, I deliberately speak to from about ten feet away. (It is to the right of the other one in my viewpoint.) I say, “close your lid and roll away,” and it immediately obeys me. I do not feel surprised.

---

Control of dreams does not require lucidity. How much intelligence does it take to understand that my conscious self (in waking life) would neither talk to a wheelie been nor expect it to obey? My dream self does not correlate with waking life identity. My dream self responds to the dream state and its processes.

---

A little sleep deprived I think, perhaps could have had more dreams. 2 dreams, first one was long, perhaps even separated by microawakenings, may have FA. Second is shorter, but had awareness, failed RC.

Dream 1- Shape-shifting Immortal (FA)
I receive a backstory from the dream(should become more aware of any backstories). My appearance varied and changed with the shift of time, elusive as the shadow, yet leaving footsteps in legends and lores through passage of time. I am an immortal being looking for her father, appearance of late teens, dark hair with blue sheen(changes through the dream), attractive with the innocent brilliant sheen in her eyes dark blue more beautiful than any sapphire.

I am strolling in an outdoor environment that I perceived as somewhere between the slums and the country side of motherland Russia, somewhat empty, cold and bleak-white grey colored streets. I had ended up here somehow, but I need to get back! I need to go back to Japan! But how am I to get back? I could speak no Russian.

There were some people walking by, and I knew that some of them would likely be able to help me get to an airport.

So I asked around, "Does anyone speak english?" in moderate volume, loud enough for a close enough vicinity to hear, but would not disturb anyone.

May have been a bad idea, I may have been approaching the slum territory, and what if I get into trouble now? But I kept going around, asking.

"Hello" said a male voice.

It was a trio of late teen or early tween men. One was more stoutly built, and quite tall with short blonde hair and while his face reminiscent of a young Putin, although stockier. One was slightly shorter than him with short black hair, thin with average build, somewhat arabian/european face. Thired one was a younger looking, pink hair (lol) short and cute looking.

At initial glance I thought they were trouble but they were okay. We talk a little and they asked my help to infiltrate the base of a local gang-ish thing and I agreed for some reason. Perhaps they told me they'd helped me get back. Or maybe I wanted to help improve the living standards of ppl here or something.

So as we were discussing the plan on how we would proceed, I feel a presence watching me... from where? Above! I see a device resembling an eye and use my mind's eye to look through it, and trace it back to its owner. An evil sorcerer. I see through his eyes and read all of his thoughts.

He was a very aged old man, living past normal human years with the use of his dark magical arts, his skin wrinked and saggy while his cheeks drooped down past his chin. He wore a dark red robe/ cloak that hid his head and most of his body. He was the one running the gang from the shadows. Then he sensed that he was being watched. But from where? He could find no one in his dimly lit, dark-red lair with only faintest glow.

"Has someone hijacked my mechanical eyes?!" He thought.

They were as described, eye shaped devices, made with mechanical parts. It was shaped like an eyepiece of a microscope, a lens in the middle, which resembled an eye, and cone-shaped bronze colored metal tubing around lenses, which allowed him to conduct his mana and control the eyes. He would control one piece, which would feed a immediate visual feedback to himself, with the additional lenses helping to redirect and magnify the vision across long distance throughout the city. Like the all-seeing eye, he oversaw the whole city.

He went through each eye, floating up in the air for any mana signature that he could trace back to the direction of the spy, yet he found none. He reached the final lens, overlooking the park with a small lake. There was a young woman with pink hair that the eye was looking at, who was casually conversing with the 3 men around her. What? Could that be the one who is responsible? But how!? Mana can only be harnessed with the use of an alchemical device. It must be a mistake. It must... To maintain his sanity, he dismissed the idea.

(I had pink hair so I could pose as pinky's sister)

Our group entered the gang's secret base. Apparently Pinky (the pink hair I'll use this as his nickname), was the one selected as the prime candidate as a recruit or something similar. So we decided that I would disguise myself as pinky. I morphed myself and became as replica of his visage. We took a few moments to practice his personal habits and intricate tenancies before proceeding. He had a habit of pushing out his lower jaw way forward and making a funny face whenever he spoke, so we practiced that.

So 3 of us without pinky, entered the main layer of the gang's base.

I was tired after the meeting and fall asleep, within the dream.

I wake up in a bed, a bedroom that's used by the gang members. I felt tired. I watched a video on a tablet and didn't feel like doing much. I speak with the trio and as we are watching tv, I am beginning to recall some events. My awareness shift from my dream body into my visual recall.

I had likely defeated the bosses of the group, while the sorcerer escaped. There had been an entity that oversaw the sorcerer whom I had to deal with.

Back to the moment. I shift my being into an unfamiliar visage. A lion-like manbeast, with some unique abilities. Awareness going back to the visual memory.

I was facing the three-headed beast, a being that had 3 heads. It had a beast-kin like body with strong musculature, slightly yellow fur and claws like the lion. The face to the left was the manbeast from earlier, the one in the middle was a beautiful lady with dark hair, in a ponytail, the third to the right... I can't recall

I distract them with a small shockwave, then I morphed into the form of the manbeast, and I sucked the soul and ability of the manbeast of the three headed beast through my hand. The head and a part of its body disappeared, his abilities were now forever mine. I had changed and absorbed the one to the middle as well. Now there was only one left. He did not have any spectacular features that I can remember. I think I spared him. He will now serve me, he was kind of bullied by the other 2 so he didn't really mind. I now rule this area from its shadows! I shall transform it into a better place.

Back to exhausted me, watching TV. A very hideous human sized fly creature was yapping on the news. It had random gloubles of black baseball-sized balls that grew from its face that somewhat resembled caviar, it grew about every 5-10 inches intervals. It's face was about the 3 times the size of the human face. I was exhausted. Too tired to do anything. Exhausted in waking life so exhausted in dream. And this thing was so gross! I think it had sensed my mana signature from my fight earlier, and openly challenged me on TV.

No I didn't feel like it. Let's go to sleep, yes I'm really tired. I sent the trio to deal with him.

Wake up.

Could represent gaining powers, dream powers. Learning, absorbing.
**Edit*Feeling lost initially is trauma. Got lost in situation like described below. Mom didn't pick me up from school on first day she was very late. I decided to go home myself maybe find her on the way or something. Ended walking 10km in opposite direction. Got dark. Cried and a construction worker who was black called the cops for me. Eventually got home.. But still even the police didn't speak the same language.. Was scared. Was pretty late when I got home. I needed rest. Wish I could have stayed home next day to calm down. Many being lost dreams likely stems from this very event. That feeling of wanting to go back to Japan.

Dream 2 mattress apartment failed RC

So I was in a house, somewhat similar to home. We (mom dad me), decided to go on kind of business trip to England or something similar. We end up staying at an apartment. What stood out the most was that the kitchen in the apartment was identical to the neighbhour's kitchen. Almost identical. We proceed to the living room and find two mattresses there, without sheets. In the end I am in the living room with one of the mattresses. I am just walking around the room and I kind of have this urge to pee. While walking I gain some awareness and tries an RC, I try to poke my hand through with my finger. Yet it fails. Disappointed I walk towards the bathroom. Did I pee myself? I check. O god maybe a little. As I head towards the bathroom. I see the bathtub filled with water. Should I let it out? No. (maybe a FA, during the latest part of this)

I wake up. No I was totally fine lol. I go pee after jotting down both dream key events.

+++So what's key is that I randomly got the awareness during this dream. I think this may be from GRAVITY RC. I found that during my practice, I could feel the gravity the most when I was walking. I do still have many parts I need to work on but this is great! At first I didn't notice it was I think it was a split-second of gravity RC that induced the awareness for me to RC. I may require a bit more time to forget the hands RC.


Bad Memories
So the part about mattress and the living room raises some deepset feelings that I needed to release from within me. As I recalled the dream throughout the day, I realized I uncovered something that I forgot about.

I was starting my exercise and I just cried a little while recalling forgotten stuff.

I was little. I had moved recently. It was a different country. We moved into a crappy apartment. One bedroom. While my parents stayed in the bedroom. I stayed in the living room, with a piece of mattress. It was uncomfortable. It was noisy. It had a hamster that we got from a friend that made noises every few moments. It had the annoying buzzing sounds of electronics plugged into the wall. I did not sleep well. Stayed here for half a year or a year.

Maybe I'm being a drama queen if you think that's not bad. But it wasn't the only thing... There was just too many things piled together that drove me to the wall. I had to relearn a language, my parents spoke their mother tongue, instead of the language I was comfortable with, and kids at school spoke english. Just great. My father enjoyed belittling me with his mother tongue. And who do I talk to for emotional support... No one spoke the same language. Not one person. I was alone. All alone. Not a single person I could speak to, confide to, cry to, laugh with...

Alone at school, I was expected to somehow know which class to go to... What to do. I had this shitty kid who was suppose to help me with things... they thought that since he spoke the mother tongue he could help me... no he was useless, thought I was nuts. Lunch time sucked too... My mother had bought the cheapest most convinient thing she could find. It was these mini-pizzas that were a dollar for a bundle of 4 or 8. It had a paper thin bits of cheese with maybe some pepperoni. Tomato taste without a hint of basil or any herbs. It was microwaved, then thrown into a plastic bag. Soggy and sour by the time it was lunch. I ate it, threw away some sometimes. Never complained, I never complained about anything. I atleast, wanted comfort in food. I don't think a dog would eat it unless it was on the verge of death.

I just experienced the feelings a little. I just wanted love.. at that time. Something to enjoy at that time. Video game to escape the reality. But atleast video game kept me sane at that time, likely. Will you release me now? Is it done... or more? Later that day I talked about this event and little more to my parents when I had the chance. Torrents of waterfall. I told them that I blamed no one, but that I really needed to let it out.

Well maybe if any kids read this u oughta let your parents know your feelings. Or maybe you're a parent, I know you got it tough, kids waking you up middle of the night , gotta take em to school, make em food, and you barely get any rest. But remember do tell them you love em. Maybe they aren't nearby you... well why don't you give em a call... tell em you love them.

I ended my physical exercise I started earlier. Went to my meditation.

During my meditation I tried an experiment and sent energy from my heart like I read the QT2 book, just to see what would happen. One of the squirrels just stopped and looked my way, for a while. Got distracted and he left. I noticed before that if I can read a certain state during meditation, squirrels would just come by and stand near me.

I felt a thorn in my heart, as I accessed my heart chakra area though... still had blockages. I tried to feel love. But I felt pain. I... can I be loved? Please love me I prayed... I raised my arms in the air, I prayed, to the sun, to the sky, to the world, to the universe, to all the other dimensional beings, loving, living or non living. I send you what love I have... Please send me your love. Show me.

Love like the sunlight, always constant, always in the morning
Let mine heart be opened and let me accept love, inside and out
Let mine heart shine with the love of infinite suns, light everlasting
Lit the shadow of ignorance, guide me with might, insight

Sun is not enough, much like scorched earth, desert
Ocean of emotions, when it rise and clouds my mind,
Let tears flow and ease the pain
Like the sorched earth without rain
...

I parted my hands to my side, and slowly brought them back to the stomach. I felt something. my heart chakra felt opened. The thorns surrounding it, are they gone? I send message of love to infinity. Please reply, show me the love infinity.
Back to meditation. Back to Gravity RC.

Remember to do Gravity RC.


Gravity RC notes
I noticed that it was easiest to practice gravity RC when I was walking. And the tiny moment of lucidity was when I was walking. Das is gut.

Walking and standing is easiest, because of the movement and shift in the gravity.

Need most work when using computer or using the phone. Any activity which is mentally active, but physically pretty inactive, is a little challenging. Improve that.

So gravity RC is working that's great! 3 days in a row of lucid events! YES! Daily lucidity into always lucidity.

But don't forget to do gravity RC. Do it right now.


I feel great Daily into every super lucid dreams

Date: 29/March/2019

Lucid dream:
My mom first asks me if I want to keep or change my math scores, which of course doesn't make sense. I just did a math test in real life, but in the dream she just asks "Should we keep the scores or change them with another test?" I think she may have been asking me if I was hoping to score higher on the next test.

Then, my mom asks me and Rishi if we want to get frozen yogurt, and we say we do. We go to Sodhi uncle's house and I'm very tired and I am swaying from side to side. My mom explains that I'm only tired like this in dreams, not in real life. I then proceed to think "dreams... only tired in dreams? Wait, am I dreaming?" I pinch my nose and breathe out and find out I am. I am then taken to my bed where I'm lying down, and I do another reality check, I'm still dreaming. I look on the roof and see weird glowing branch things. I want to get up physically and go somewhere, but I am way too tired, I just want to lie down. Anyways, I force myself up from my bed and I do a reality check and now I'm in real life.

Nonlucid dream 1:

I dream that I'm in the office for Hale Education, and Mr Thurston wants to talk to me. He is asking me if I stole some sort of mushroom plant. My dream alternates between me being at the mushroom plant thing and in his office. I start calculating the area of the spread of the mushroom plant as well.

Nonlucid dream 2:

I dream that I'm fighting the Guardian Ape in Sekiro and I'm doing drop attacks on it to fight it, which you obviously can't do. It's lowering its health really quickly.

Dream Fragment:

My dad wanted to get my phone a new screen protector

I had 4 dreams I think today. Thought they weren't special but upon closer inspection, as always, it revealed some deep insights that helped me alot. Perhaps tiny lucid moment.

Dream 1- highschool food

First dream took place in the highschool I went to. So I was in the school cafeteria in at the food stall, it was a small partitioned room that was connected to the cafeteria which was basically a large gym, cleared out with some tables. As I check through the foods on sale, I find some duck! They were selling whole duck, roasted yellow, nice and fat and good. It was way over priced though, and other foodstuffs being sold wasn't very interesting. I decided to leave the shop and just forget about lunch. While leaving, one of the boy working there, nice young boy, brownish hair, very cute, is grabbing a roasted duck by the legs, handing it to me. I'm like hey, maybe he got the wrong person to hand the duck to but. DUCK! So I grab the duck and take it elsewhere to eat. I end up in the hallway where I find some highschool friends, they also had duck XD. So one friend begins carving the duck for all to share after I handed him mine. There was a foodtall beside the lunchtable and chair that we were sitting to the right. I wanted some rice to I check out the foodstall. Fried rice, italian rice, etc.. and Rice! Decide to not get it. 5.99 for a tiny bowl of white rice so I'm like no. We share the duck.

I head back to the original cafeteria food place, and browse through the food again. 24 bucks for chicken, 35 for duck. I'm like costoco's 9 bucks! Haha. But something good did catch my eye. I find a piece of very nicely marbled beef, thing but you could tell it was good quality. Not the best, but it was good. I think it was like 25-40 bucks, so I decide to go for it. Before I buy it, I ask if there's parasite in it, can I eat it raw. The guy at the counter say something like "dunno probably, I'm not sure if that's a good idea". A friend, who also works there now assures him "Don't worry, ZenLD's a badass" lol. I try a sampler for the beef, man it's good! It's like aged nicely, slightly smoked maybe, had a slight saltiness and flavor that is reminiscent of smoked salmon, but gentler. The marbled fat melted in my mouth as I savored slight resistance from the smooth muscles it in a moment of pure flavor ecstacy that felt so real. There's a blonde boy there. He's kinda eyeing my beef. So I tear off a piece and feeds him. He's like "Wow that's so good!" Yes totally good. I decide to leave and I awaken.

Dream 2- Black teen getting a job

So I was this black teenage boy. Late into the teens, pretty tall, lean musculature - strong but not bulky kind of physique. Pretty attractive I suppose. I was in a mall, not sure what I was doing there, but I find this stall with 3 older black women, two middle aged, one older. They were recruiting people for charity or some kind of relief or cause. They tell me to join, cuz the pay's really good. They pay me immediately, and I start working already. Totally peer pressured. I think they paid me maybe 60k on the spot. Yes, this organization appears to be kind of a sham organization, more info later. The oldest of the women tells me to make sure to pay your taxes, 30%.

We head outside and begin walking. Walking on a summer day. Walking towards our first workplace, it also will serve as a inn too. As we were walking I began to converse wit the previous old lady, forget what though. Oh yes, the convo was interrupted by a young black lady, mid to late twenties, she's attractive, but has an omnious vibe about her, she's also the boss of the organization. Kind of develop a relationship with her I think. After a pretty long walk, we find ourselves inside a building. We were on the first floor, it had some gym equipments and things to help keep the employees fit and happy and things. I find 3 middle eastern teens or tweens, who are trying to one-up eachother with some moves- it's like calistenics or dance or I duno what you call it. So I try it. Being a fit teen I do some awesome moves and the 3 of them are like "awesome" and tries to imitate my move. They fail horribly though XD. I take off my clothes to change them, getting hooted by some women while doing so. I head towards where I'd stay, heading outside via the gym entrance. There's a lady there, real stout and tough looking. She's obviously on steroids, with muscles on top of muscles. Body fat of maybe like 1%, probably less. She immediately takes a disliking of me and talks down on me. I don't feel like starting trouble already so I let her go. Shouts "Stop doing steroids" twice to her as she leaves. She twitches a bit.

We're in a restaurant now I think, not too clear, but most likely an employee dinner kind of thing. One guy had a real uptight persona, reminded me of the buff lady prior, yeah he's the son of the buff lady. The old lady, from the start, puts a stop to him. Peaceful for a while.

Now in a mall again. Prepping a stall to recruit more people. I meet the young woman again.

Before I can talk to her, the old lady begins to warn me "don't get invovlved with her"

Apparently we were dating or something. Turns out, the organization was a money-laundering sham. The woman was looking for someone to use as a scapegoat incase she was caught. Despite that I stayed there instead of leaving.

She says "Aren't you gonna leave me?"

I say "No... Because you'd be lonely."

The old lady, and her 2 friends begin crying. I begin crying as well. The tears we shed was black and tarry, like letting go of some emotional pain. The young woman walks away. I wake up, with tears.

Did she... cry too?

Dream 3 - College, geezer
I was attending a college lecture, university is probably a better word. It took place in a very large gymnasium style building, white floors with desks for students to sit in. There were about 500 to a 1000 students listening to the lecture. I was sitting way to the right. Behind me were couple of acquaintances, dream acquaintances. 2 notable figures among the 5 people. One was a old european looking old man with white hair, he had many a wrinkles on his forehead. We called him geezer. The other was a man in his mid thirties, brown hair, long face, with very spiky hair. We called him long face, or long spike.

We get into some flashbacks about the pasts of these 2. It took place in a fantasy setting. Geezer was an warrior who'd lost one of his arm during the previous war or an expedition, and Long face, was one of his comrade in the same party. Geezer's retired now, so's probably long face. They were all trying to learn something form this establishment. Just visions of stuff they did playing over.

Geezer and the others tell me, "the future's up to you."

I ask "how? I'm not great and admirable like you, Geezer or Long face. Look at how amazing you are, how can I do anything about the future where, both you and Long face both failed?"

He says "You can do it, believe in yourself" (maybe said you're real smart, you'll figure it out or something)

I get all emotional and start crying. Wake up in tears.

Dream 4 - False awakening, Pills

I'm waking up in a small bedroom, different from where I sleep. I have that I just woke up now don't feel like it kind of feeling. Could have applied gravity RC here. I remember I gotta take my daily supplements for better brain and body. I look for the pills, knock them over with my feet. Looks kind of different, but takes it anyways. I see a mirror and look at myself. Nice butt. And I start having this orgasmic sensation. I think oh no I forgot! Usually this feeling wakes me up so, I wake up, continue getting the sensation and then wake up again.


Analysis:

Dream1. Highschool food prices being way too high bled over from memories back then. They were selling only junkfood at ridiculous prices. Store bought fries, refried, resold at ridiculous margins. 5 dollars for a little bit of fries. Wouldn't surprise me if they charged 10 nowadays.The place was ran by a middle aged lady with an ugly expression. Strong romanian nose and accent. Did not enjoy the food there. Kids should be fed better food. I recall during that time I watched a tv report about how delinquent kids were all sent to an experimental school. were fed nice nutritional diet for lunch and they were all transformed into exemplary students. But here it was just greed and laziness. Foods so stale that made mc'donalds taste fresh as sunshine. The establishment was just like a jail, little sun inside, very dungeon like with halls that looked identical and functioned exactly like a maze. I'm not sure who they'd bribed to get the reputation of being the top school in the area, that offered a special program for gifted children. Though I was not in the program, I was in a gifted program in a previous school but never told my parents about it. I just really didn't feel like doing the extra work haha. With many uninspired teachers, with dead-fish eyes staring at you, as if trying to leech your youth through their their eyes.

Part of me held, a strong hatred for this place I think and I released it after I woke up. And things weren't all bad. We'd walk a mile two away to order fries from a family ran joint, fat fries, home made, nicely spiced. Cheese curds were placed on top, then lathered with hot gravy that melted these them and infusing them together into cheesy goodness. A friend had recommended the place to me and his style was to top the whole thing with black pepper until it was covered in the magnificent black dust of it. Sinuses flushed as waterfall from the nose of the fools who dared to try this foolish yet amazing delicacy.
PEPPERCORN! From dream last night.

It was probably important to release those emotions because, in

Dream 3, I was attending a university lecture. And this is a big one, because none of my previous dreams took place in college. This could signify a kind of growth, or that I let go of something and could progress further emotionally, or dream realm wise. I'm growing and learning. Getting better at lucid dreaming. Dream characters telling me I can do it so I'm gonna do it!

Dream2. Most likely signifies a relationship. Was in an abusive relationship I think. I still loved the person even though they were horrible. Not a fool though, I immediately cut off all ties once I had enough. But a subconscious part of me perhaps still held that. Tried to remember the times, let go of it. Could be totally unrelated though XD. Crappy experience in a crappy big city.

Dream 4. I think this is big. At first I didn't notice anything and was disappointed in myself for not getting Lucid, I realized more was going on. First the Mirror. I always, always become lucid in every dream with a mirror, perhaps not immediately in one dream, but 100%. And also the orgasmic sensation, always makes me lucid as well and wakes me immediately after. These two indicates that I'm at the cusp of lucidity. In a way I might have been very teensy bit lucid. Just so small I didn't notice it myself at first. This means I''m getting Lucid. I'm stepping into daily lucidity! YES! MY FEET IS GETTING WET!

More stuff I ought to write down and take notes but gotta go for now.

March/28/2019

Dream 1: I dreamed that I was downstairs in a hotel eating dinner with my family, and then we left. I wasn't wearing shoes so I had to come back for them later, because I was in the car and didn't know we'd be leaving. I was wearing my Birkenstock shoes.

Dream 2: People are coming to school and speaking foreign languages, I try to speak Hebrew with the wrong people and I'm looking for people who speak Hebrew there.

So i don't think I had a dream today, had a tiny AP though.

I was in my bed and felt that "feeling" when you know you can push yourself out. I got myself out, bedroom, things were clearer this time, no darkness. I rubbed my hands to stabilize or clear, but the experience ended soon.

Things I shuld take note are:

Yes it seems Ld experience every 2 days is the norm now, no doubt about it. Ld everyday is close... tomorrow! hehee, then every dream. Then focus will be on lengthening. Perhaps should begin that now.

I might be rem depraved, probably will have extra dreams if I nap or next time I sleep.

I shouldn't focus on stablization. Focusing so that might be a subconscious fear of things coming apart.

My idea is to master the art of Teleportation. So I can leave this environment. Being in the bedroom might make you focus on your physical body and that gets you there.

The teleport technique i been conceptualizing is to create a black hole, then transform that into a portal that people can walk in. I've previously tried teleporting by spinning but it doesn't work half the time and usually has side effects. Could also try closing eyes and visualizing.

Lack of rem might be from gravity RC, it's making me really aware. It's working too well. I'm catching hypnogogic states immediately and getting too excited. RELAX MORE next time. Maybe not too much, need to find the perfect balance, like an acrobat on a rope. The rope being LD. I recall previous counts of people getting less recall from GRC initially--I believe this might be caused by this too much increase in awareness. Perhaps more SWS forced by the body from the workout.

AND I got super advice from skipper regarding MILD. Now my MILD is unstoppable! I'll post what he said if I he says it's OK so that could help everyone who's working on mild. Shadow work!

I'll add more in comments if I nap and dream or receive insights.


Unstoppable like the force of nature yet rem depraved Lucid dreamin' Lucid dreamer

I am with Melissa, Dad, and Scottie. I’m pretty sure we’re going somewhere, but right now, we are sitting at a picnic style table right adjacent to a street intersection. Dad has a store bought card for Scottie, and I have made a card for Melissa. It is smaller and looks like a regular card except for its left side being the shape of half of a heart. It’s come out wrong though - it opens upside down or something like that. Scottie comments nicely on our bringing cards. I notice she is wearing a light lime green hoodie. The front is full of a list of ‘anti’ somethings in a white and all caps font; I notice ‘ANTITRUMP’ towards the bottom and the hoodie’s pocket. I think about how supporters would take offense to this, yet nonchalantly be ‘anti’ many things. I’m now walking along a sidewalk, I think with just Dad and Melissa or Dad and Makayla. This neighborhood is not too far off the main road, yet it still feels removed. It feels like midtown/oldtown. The houses are smaller (some are two stories though, I think) and close to this street and to each other. The look somewhat whimsical. I notice an address in number plaques on the house’s wall - 5150 or something like that. I either think or say that I like this neighborhood. We now end up at the bottom of a long hill with a place sprawled across it. The long house/building atop is an off white. There are tall and droopy trees and an older cement pathway winding up the hill. There is a black man sitting outside somewhere here, rambling about something. I notice a few chains with hooks on their ends hanging down from something (the trees probably?). I know that they’re for musicians to attach to when they play. I think I get an image of that scene in my head. I think they swing on them. In fact, the man starts rambling about this. I grab onto one as I ascend this hill and let it go when I reach the top. It must’ve shortened or something, as it doesn’t swing back and hit me. I imagine what it’d be like or feel like if it did. There are circular patio tables and their steels chairs placed all around. The rest of it seems to be a pretty empty cement plaza. I think this place is called The Project, and I remember coming here a while ago and liking it. I am now by another house. This house also has a large grassy area and patio tables. There is an absolute plethora of tables though - I can’t even imagine that many people being here at once. I enter the house, following Lindsey. There is a long closet on the entryway’s left. It is open or partially open, allowing me to see a row of hanging coats. There is a grey and a green one; the rest look like duplicates of either, possibly just in another size. I wonder why. Lindsey sees me looking, and it is slightly awkward for a moment. We’re back outside now, in the back or side yard. I think I comment on all the tables. It sort of reminds me of an Alice in Wonderland type garden party. She and I each drag a chair a ways out onto the vast and lush lawn. She sits and is going to trim her pubic hair, I think with scissors. I think she’s wearing a skirt that she can lift high enough. I can see the very tops of her thighs, but not much else. She asks me to go get/do something, trying to get me to leave so she can be alone. I know what she’s doing, but oblige anyway by joining a blond kid that is running around. He starts to race, and I find myself unable to run as fast as him. I think it must be because I’m not even trying my hardest. I see the Dots game (that I’ve been playing on my phone) is being played in the distance, like it’s projected onto the sky or something. It seems like dusk or twilight.




I am in what looks like a cross between a warehouse and Winco aisle. I am with some others that I think are movie characters but that I know? We are slowly making our way down the aisle, punching packages of soda cans as we go. I punch one repeatedly and it will not break open, so I take out my pocket knife and dramatically slit the wrapping open. One of the guys is by me when I do so and for some reason derives great joy from it. It is somehow like an idyllic scene from a movie. I remark that 80s movies are really good, that 90s movies are okay too, but not as good. It feels like I/we have just been in a few 80s movies. These others agree with my sentiment. We are now further into this building and sitting around a square and fairly tall table. Two of the others are Ashley M from work and McKenzie Retzer. McKenzie is in very small shorts and a tank top. She is sweaty and lifting her arms to check for a pattern/ring of deodorant stain. She has some specific term for it. I can feel sweat all over my body as well, and I check for the same. I think I do have it but can’t see it. Ashley, what is to my right, gives me two barbell weights. I sort of fuck around with them and then start lifting one straight away from my body on my right. She tells me my arms are strong. I am conscious/self conscious of being observed (by her and myself). I say that they used to be, which she repeats sarcastically/rhetorically. McKenzie tells me I’m scheduled for another workout next Saturday. I tell her I’m glad she signs me up for things or else I’d never do anything.

Had 2 lucid dreams and then woke up.

Might not have enough time to write everything so I'll just write what I can and add to it later if I can. It's nice to type on the pc, it's way faster than on the phone

So I had 2 dreams I think. First one wasn't very clear so I don't recall it too well. Second one I believe was split into 3 parts so it could be considered 3 dreams, seperated by micro awakenings or so?

So about the dream.

+++dream1 to 3ish++

So I was selling something to a dealer/merchant/noble. No, not drugs. As I tried to recall it harder throughout the day I believe it was spices or something similar. Although I felt like it's completely random upon further thought, I recalled that yesterday I was quite interested in black peppercorns in my dram last night. Sounds a little far fetched but the dreams are getting linked together! Very cool, would love to have continuation in dreams much like Hukif's DJ if I can choose to do that.

So After Selling the peppercorn, I made a fortune. The setting was in a middle age europe kind of setting. It was times when spices were super expensive and worth more than gold. So yeah. I was balling.

So around here my memory may be a little foggy I remember the details but I'm a little uncertain which happened first.

So what happend was either I hired a bunch of people as my underlings or I began to explore a dungeon that was in that city.

So maybe underlings aren't the right word. I just hired a bunch of people, either that or more likely they just became my followers and we formed a kind of a mafia/yakuza entity that was pretty powerful or something. Ofc I was the DON No we were not a evil illegal entity or anything but just not a standard entity. Maybe closer to being the final boss kind of deal, but we were totally good guys, I swear.

Anyways I was deciding on who would becoming my right hand man or woman. I had this lady who ended up being my right hand. She was worried though that someone else might replace her position eventually and that I wouldn't give her the love she receives from me as her boss if she wasn't the right hand. I think she did end up being replaced but I assured her that I loved her all the same - mind you not romantic love totally just love of caring about someone else yep.

So yeah I think the building he had was a japanese style old fashioned, with doors that you could open by sliding in one direction, rather than western doors where you pull or push. And the furnishing were of similar style; no huge furnatures and stuff, just a few mats that you could sit on.

So our mission was to clear this dungeon that presided in the city. I'm unsure how many floors it had. But our goal was to reach to the bottom. I believe the closest range of floors it had was between 50 to 100 floors.

I think the goal, which was to get to a treasure probably, is just my goal of Super Lucid Dreaming. Getting to the bottom of it or the treasure is achieving the GOAL!

So as we were clearing the dungeon, we were doing some stuff that wasn't suppose to happen. We just skipped a bunch of floors to jump 20+ floors at a time towards the end, didn't manage to reach the end in the dream though. So we were finding glitches in the matrix or exploits much like in a game to get to our goal faster. Yep. Totally ethical and fair. Dungeon walls were brownish if I recall, A little earthy but solid.I think it was me and my right hand (the lady) who led the expedition. We'd get the ancient relic and proceed to WORLD DOM- just kidding.

I think maybe around this part I replace my right hand. Didn't want her to get hurt or something maybe. She's plenty strong and competent but don't want to get all emotional if something happens.

The scene ends here I think.

Replay scene. Selling stuff again. But this time I get a bad noble or something who tries to rip me off. He offered 1/4 of a cent per some unit of measurement for my goods. I get mad and flip everything off. I think ended up getting a good nobleman who sorted things out and punished the bad one. Now I am uncertain whether I went to a dining room to dine with him in the beginning of the dream or at the end, but when I met the good noble (I think he invited me for food, either at home or at office dining room), it was a maroon or dark red kind of dining room. Relatively small, without any extravagant furnishing but you could clearly tell that everything was of high quality. The tables and chairs were of similar dark maroon color that matched the room.

The dream ends here probably+++

So if I was to use my imagination to piece it all together. Last night I've released my emotional blocks, found black peppercorns. The black peppercorns (whatever it represented), helped me raise funds for my expedition. And my expedition was into a deep underground dungeon that where I would discover my treasure/goal - Super Lucid Dreaming.



So I also practiced a little Gravity RC today, it was pretty awesome. I kept getting the urges to try it out so I did. I realized it came naturally to me and it was similar to a personal meditation method that I did year prior. Anyways the two connected and I had this strange moment when I went to pee in the bathroom. I just began to feel the gravitational force in everything around me, inside my organs, outside my body. Pretty interesting. Also trying a new breathing method. I'm stacking the two together. If I do one, I will try to do the other.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

I live in some ruined temple, like a spirit or ghost, kind of dreamy detachment, not interacting with humans for ages. I am balancing on a swing in a large inner courtyard and singing a song in a traditional Indian style. Then some kind of holy man comes by and sees me. He takes me for a goddess, bows down and worships me. He says my name, something starting with an "S" and kind of long, like Saraswati, but with a couple of "M" in the middle. Slowly I start recalling being this goddess and I feel immensely melancholic, with all the sorrows of the world in my heart. He runs to tell everyone that this goddess is back, thousands come to see me.
But one man or demon doubts that I am immortal or hates me, so he shoots an arrow at me. I feel pain and he takes it as proof that I am no goddess. Then another man throws another arrow, and another and so forth. The pain is unbearable, but I dont feel that I am dying. Then people who stand by my side also start throwing arrows at the attackers and it seems the whole humanity is fighting, until I fall into the ground, more sad than hurt. Then some men and women around me stop shooting arrows and simply take care of protecting me and taking me to a safe place. They take care of me, remove the arrows with so much love and devotion and I feel better again. The man who threw the first arrow is killed and the fight stops. They bring me back to the temple and organize to take care of me and provide me what I need. I have a room, which looks more like a storage room of antiques, filled with ancient treasures, maybe offerings from my devotees. I feel so tired, I just want people to leave me there quietly alone for eons. But people can't just be quiet, they keep coming to visit me, looking for me, wanting to talk to me.. But I'm like a delicate flower, they shouldn't come close, they shouldn't touch me or talk to me. I stay in absolute silence whenever they address me and I finally decide I need to leave again from this human realm. It's too heavy for me. I hide in a moldy wardrobe, they think I am playing hide and seek and eventually take a peak inside. But I am no longer there. I just needed a dark quiet place to slowly float away to another plane. I can see them as if I am still sitting in the wardrobe, but I am nowhere and everywhere, until humanity needs me and deserves me some day. Then I'll reemerge.

Morning of March 26, 2019. Tuesday.

Dream #: 19,090-03. Reading time: 1 min 20 sec.



I enter a second-hand bookstore in La Crosse in late morning, with no recall of my waking life. I am still subliminally aware I am dreaming.

The bookstore represents one from real life from years ago though is oriented differently. The checkout is perpendicular to how it was in real life, though the entrance is in the same location. The young female cashier reminds me of the one from real life, but there is also an unfamiliar man behind the counter.

I am here to retrieve about five of my dream journals. I put them here not to sell but to have for later access but in a bookcase with public access. They are journals in hardcover form from 1995 to 2000; designs I only saw in Australia, yet their presence does not trigger recall of living in Australia.

There are other books I temporarily left here. I walk around the store and pick them out. I have an interest in four similar books of a set that seems to be about the pre-Capetian House of Bourbon (a play on a street name that intersects with our present home). They all feature heads of kings. I take these as well although they are possibly not mine.

I am wary about walking out without saying anything. I think about what I should say about taking my dream journals and other books home, as I am uncertain if the cashiers remember the dream journals are mine. I walk out with no reaction on their part other than a puzzled appearance.

---

False “memory” fascinates me in subliminal mode dreams. Another factor that has always interested me is how my dream self, even without dream state awareness, knows how to manipulate dream content without recall of my waking life. Instinctual dreaming typically takes priority over waking life memory.

A checkout is a feature in my dreams since childhood and links to the waking process, indicating that I am leaving the dream state as I would exit a store after looking around.

---

So I had one dream and an AP style thing. Bunch of other stuff to note as well i guess. I think the ap was caused from intention to help a fellow DVer with ap stuff.


Earlier that day.

I was indulging in earthly vice of online video game and had a video about dream yoga playing in the background.

Somehow youtube went to a video regarding Quantum touch healing thing. Talking about need to release emotional pain etc. I found it interesting so I decided to read the book and tried a few Techniques.


I slept for a while and woke up, maybe a few fragments.

Woke up then slept diagonally and just stopped using pillows. I felt the urge to try out the quantum touch stuff. Felt pain in an old surgical scar. I proceeded to try out techniques. I remembered the video about the need to release the anger. So I did. I remembered all the crappy memories back then and decided to face all the emotions I held back.

====memories===
I had a teacher who was very... Spiteful and one dimensional who based a majority of our grade on notebook cleanliness. Mine was a mess. I never really needed those things. I just remembered everything. And my home life was a mess. Just like my notebook. I got 0 on each of notebook mark and was barely passing even though without that I'd have the highest grade in class.. She made us sign stuff from home that the parents would see the mark.

My dad flipped. He always flipped. I was so much in pain. Told me to not come home unless I did better. I brought a knife from home at the crap apartment was preparing to off with it. I was caught. Yeah I had friends but no one to really talk about these kind of things with. It was the age of MSN messager and internet was banned. I ran away from home the following day. Was caught back home. That night I was hospitalized

The stress made my appendix explode. I almost didn't seek help. Part of me wanted to die. A big part. Had a surgery. Botched surgery. Had to stay home (just moved to the house in the dream below, right during my hospitalization) with nurses coming daily to change the gauze that got stuck to the flesh and drain the infection. Nothing to do but watch TV without cable. Money making infomercials and kids shows. Lasted a few months. Went back to school. Stress from incompetent teacher. Wound reopened the same day and repeat above.
===memories end ==

I cursed them all. I don't like being mad but I needed to release the energy. The scar I touched began to hurt. The nerves ran pain through my whole abdominal from the groin up to the chest right below the neck. Shooting sharp pains. Like needle being dug into flesh and pushed through in a vertical line. I honestly didnt even care about all this. About my memories. But if these memories are being replayed in background, they need to be gone, released, transformed. So I can make MILD or just intentions work without stuff blocking it. Yeah might sound overkill for LD fun but I think it's important for many other things too. Need to throw away garbage for a better self. Felt my body getting balanced. Muscles that wouldn't move properly before started to get better. Not prefect but better. I'll keep practicing then.

Focused on MILD after that, didn't want to dream about angry stuff. Had trouble sleeping.

+++Dream 1
I had dreamt about a house I lived in while in high school in the suburbs. I was in the with couple of friends from back then. I went into the basement, there was a furnace. I let the furnace go out of control and it burned the house and everything around it. The heat was slow and heavy, like magma or radiation. I think this represented my letting go of energy stuck deep emotional sink earlier.

And yes I ran away by myself. I said screw everyone else lol. I'm the opposite of that but it feels good to be bad sometimes

Went to a plaza nearby. In the supermarket there were special black peppercorns. Duno why but I was very interested in the peppercorns. I saw friends and others escape from the fiery abyss as I excited the store. And continued to check out other places. I found a quaint little snack shack sort of. And my friend L was working there. She was a short cute little Asian girl if that matters. They sold peppercorns there too and it was half the price of the other store!

I think i wake up now
++++

Stay awake for a while had trouble sleeping. Just focused on breath. Kind of meditation as I lay there. I realized I failed to LD today but. I thought forget about it. Took my own advice that I gave to a dv member about just rest and stuff regarding ap. I just thought I'd get good rest, no Ld or anything.

+++AP
When I woke up I had the familiar vibration sound. It's that sound that happens before dream and stuff. I focused on it. Made it stronger. Felt like I lost it so I tried again. The vib kind of waned; I thought I failed but remembered to try to stand up from my previous experiences. I did and popped out. It was very dark though. Couldn't see my hands as I explored my bedroom. Tried rubbing hands didn't work tried again didn't work. I saw trace of light leaking through the curtains so I went there. I opened them and brilliantly bright and warm yellow light basked me.

Woke up.

I focused on the vib again and it happened. I pushed myself out. This time I wanted to go outside. Headed out the room and saw stairs (heard whispers like ghosts or watevs but I paid it no mind) most stuff was the same. Went out the door to backyard and I saw those grape pillars you grow grapes (these are not suppose to be there) on that intersects at top like hash tags, not sure what they're called. I decided I wanted to fly through one of the hash tag openings and I jumped. Jumped about 2 3 meters but didn't fly. I climbed up and kept climbing.

Woke up

Pushed myself out again. But this one didn't last very long.
+++

Pretty long rant but I guess everything is connected. A little before the surgery I had my first sleep paralysis, well maybe many. Wasn't intentional just happened randomly and couldn't sleep. Didn't have much after that. So maybe me letting this stuff go reconnected some stuff.

My first experience I think was something like this. I had laid in bed for a nap and felt scared and heard scary vibration. I couldn't move and I saw a vision. I heard a heart monitor, "beep beep... beep" and I saw a hospital room. I saw a face of a middle aged caucasian man maybe 40s I think he was closer to 30 but bad health made him look older. Long face,sickly pale white as a ghost, freckles, short graying hair. Face shape similar to Dr. House but long before that show came out. The heart monitor for faster and faster. Beepbeepbeep. Until it flatlined, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Anyways back to Ld. I almost always become lucid in my dreams if I hear the vib during it so could I induce it myself somehow?

A little week ago I had a DC trying to teach me true meditation. I woke up and heard vibrations when I tried to go into meditative state... Can I master that? Can I meet him again? So many questions.

Vibrations induced lucid dreaming - VILD would be totes cool

Date: March/25/2019

I dreamed at first that I was playing Sekiro and fighting a boss called the "Large Ape" or "monkey" or something, which might have been a boss I had spoiled for me. Anyways, I was fighting it and I got destroyed by a bunch of weird enemies on the way to it.

In another part of the dream, I saw Stephen near the lockers at school and I took a weird picture with him. At other parts of my dream, I was late for school assembly.