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7/29/2010

I can't recall much but I remember laying on my bed looking up at the ceiling which was a window. Sort of a condo but the ceiling was glass and it was open so I could view the skies. I was talking to someone next to me he was wearing a suit and was going over some money accounts.

I look up at the night sky and notice these huge vehicles moving and when I focused on what they were ..they were incredible space ships. They would zigzag and stop abruptly.. it was pretty scary because I knew these were not driven by humans. They were displaying their dance of lights and what was weird they were changing shape fast. It reminded me of the transformers how the space ship changed form going to one unique shape to another..
I saw 3 of them.. one black..one dark grey and another silverish and they just were displaying their lights. All of a sudden they changed into huge 3 separate mist. I told the guy next to me I wanted to close the window because I felt uneasy.
The window couldn't close and I saw spot lights scanning the air...

That is all I could remember..

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TW had a really neat bedroom and was showing IE shots of it through webcam. He had brown and cream-coloured, stripey sheets on his bed (lol I think my new housemate has this), which was a double bed, with a matching lampshade.

MicroTorrent was ruining everyone's internet. Even the Barack Obama's, haha. It was some opposition leader's evil plan to ruin the internet for all.

There was some shop where we could buy stuff. I don't know what stuff though.

Oh nameless disembodied spirit of hate and rage. Does this demon exist within me? What is this entity that terrifies and tortures me so. Formless. Shapeless. There are no words that can describe such a thing. Is this what evil means? Something born into this world out of rage and hatred, which exists only as a shapeless shadow, blacker than any black existing in the realm of reality. Something from which no light returns...a black hole. Sucking you in...devouring...your soul. Can such a thing truly exist within me?

Recently I have been having recurring dreams about my old house, and more importantly, my old bedroom which, in these dreams, is violently haunted. These dreams have been getting worse, I have absolutely no idea what is causing them, but I have never felt terror like this before. Even in my worst nightmares. I have never encountered something so purely evil and unable to escape from, even when lucid.

I lived in this house from the age of thirteen, up until we moved about 5 years ago. I had been dreaming that my old bedroom was haunted for awhile, but only recently have the dreams turned into full fledge nightmares. The following are three (out of many) such nightmares I have had recently involving this haunted room.

My bedroom was empty, everything had been placed into the moving truck, and I go back down to my bedroom to get the last few things. I walk to my bedroom, which is in the basement, and just as I get to the open door...it slams shut in my face with such an intense force that I stumble backwards. I think to myself, that it is haunted, and that there is something very evil in there. But I need to get my stuff, and I don't want to be afraid. I think it is best to master my fear and enter the bedroom. When I go in, it is completely empty, just bare wood floors. I get to the center of the room and the bedroom door slams shut behind me. It is so loud that I am already very terrified because I know that something is very angry. I turn around to look towards the door and I see a shadowy blackness...immediately I am filled with terror. I can sense that this thing is pure evil. It screams...the loudest...most horrifying demonic moan and I make a run for the door. I am knocked down by some invisible force, the shadow still shrieking in my ear and echoing so loudly through the empty room. The closet doors are slamming closed over and over, the windows shatter, the ceiling fan is rocking about wildly above my head. I start screaming. I tell myself it's just a dream, and that I can't be here, because I have a new bedroom now. So I desperately try to think about my new bedroom, so that I can wake up from this nightmare. But I cannot remember where I am sleeping. I am semi-lucid throughout this whole experience, but I am unable to fight this evilness and terror that I am filled with. I eventually make it to the door but it won't open. I keep trying and eventually I get out and slam the door behind me. It stays shut and I run for my life.

I am in my old bedroom alone. It's empty. I know that I couldn't be there and become lucid. But despite the lucidity I am not overjoyed, and surprised to find myself in that bedroom. I feel the darkness closing in around me. "No." I say to myself, and try to will it to go away. But it persists. This is not a thing I have any amount of control over. I try to think of different ways to expel the evil from this room, but I am suddenly being pulled towards it, as if by a rope coming out of my stomach. There is a tugging sensation and I cannot fight it...it is not physical...it is spiritual. I feel myself separate from my body and float into the blackness. I am completely overcome with the darkness and feel myself become filled with that same rage, that evilness, that hate...and everything goes black. I wake up crying.

In my dream last night I found myself in my old house, in the basement, which is a common place for me to be in dreams. I walk over to my bedroom, completely forgetting that I had sworn never ever to go back there. Forgetting that it was inhabited by the most evil demonic spirit hell bent on torturing me. I open the door and immediately it slams back shut, but it slams on my fingers. Four fingers of my right hand are caught in the door. It all comes flooding back to me, the evilness that exists in there. I become terrified. I'm pulling my hand as hard as I can but I can't get it out. The door won't budge. It's only a matter of time before the evilness opens the door and sucks me in, and then I will be trapped in there again with it. I am absolutely panicked. I consider cutting my hand off, but I don't have a knife. I pull so hard that my fingers start to rip off. The door opens and I fall backwards. Hovering in the doorway is the darkness. I get up and run as fast as I can. But the evil pulls at me like a magnet. It pulls at my spirit, my soul. I feel myself start to get disconnected from my body...because my body continues to run away. I focus on staying inside myself, and get up the stairs. I find a bottle of holy water and spray it everywhere. I dump it out forming a circle around me. My little dog is near my feet. I grab him and toss him into the empty bedroom beside me, hoping to keep him safe. Then I see...something...crawling it's way to the top of the stairs. She looks like the little girl from the Exorcist. I knew this wasn't the evilness, it was just something that manifested out of it. Like a side effect. This girl did not frighten me even though she looked very scary. But after that evil, it would take much more to frighten me. She tries to attack me but I grab her and shake her and I shout things that I cannot remember. Like, "look what you've done. Look what you've become. Now everyone can see the real you. Now you look on the outside how you are in the inside." I don't know what I was yelling or why. Then I threw her from me and she crumpled into a heap and took on the appearance of an angler fish. Demonic eyes and huge sharp teeth, amidst a black mass of clothing and tangled hair. It looked dead. I knew the evil was still in the house, in my room, so I left the house.

Had this dream early this morning (September 13th, 2009).

I dreamed I was back at my parent's house, watching t.v in the living room. Even though the dream takes place in the present, former host Phil Guerrero was back working for YTV. He was doing some art projects or something which he was promoting on the channel and briefly joked about the recession and times being so tough that he had to back to work.

One of the projects was a medieval knights tale which Phil said Marvel Comics was interested in. The panels he was presenting were crudely drawn storyboards for either introduction stories for the main characters, of which there were four, or segments of a pilot episode. The last panel Phil showed was very dynamic and had the main characters in a vertical line, with their knightly powers represented in colours that surrounded them as an aura, and with golden wings which sprang from their armor. The colour sequence from top to bottom was yellow, orange, red, and green.

The program ends and I turn off the t.v and sit in the dark for a while. I get up and go into the kitchen and in the dark (all the lights are off and it is night) I walk into a racing bicycle sitting in the middle of the floor. I recognize the bike as belong to one of my brothers and I begin to search the house because I previously believed I was alone in the house.

I head towards the bedrooms and see the younger of my older brothers walking out of my old bedroom. I am kind of suspicious but instead of confronting him I just ask if he had just came home from work. He replies that he has been here for a while but I am still under the impression that he is up to no good because I know that he has no business in my bedroom.

I still don't know how to confront him and I go into mom and dad's bedroom and fall asleep on their bed. The dream ends there.

Morning of November 17, 1982. Wednesday.



In the last clearer segment of a non-lucid dream that otherwise relates to indiscernible activity in the living room and dining room (as I am in the northeast bedroom of the Loomis Street house in my dream and implied to have been sleeping), doorway waking symbolism seems to be part of the transition, at least by potential. However, this changes to physical hypnopompia. (The prior dream however, “Snow Bear”, did resolve with doorway waking symbolism, but apparently for different reasons.)

An unseen toy train is perceived as bumping against the door to the room I am “sleeping” in, from the other side (living room). There is also an additional buzzing and clicking at times, presumably made by this toy train. (In reality however, there was no door to this room, only a set of curtains. My non-lucid dreams rarely render real-life environments with viable correctness and no two detailed environments are ever the same.) This door is “remembered” to open outward into the living room from the left (again, a false memory as there is no door in reality), though I never open it during my dream.

I get the ridiculous illogical impression that the toy train “wants” to enter the room. I consider that toy railroad tracks might not need to be present, though I still eventually rise up from my bed to briefly check around the room, though I do not see any.

I am eventually surprised and alarmed by the toy train moving towards my head on the left side of my bed. It creates the surreal impression of being alive and now as a large and possibly threatening undulating caterpillar (though unseen and under the bed sheet), though it may just be seeking comfort. Physical hypnopompia results in attempting to move my arm to block it, my arm being slightly numb from lying on it.

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When other forms of waking symbolism do not work, physical hypnopompia always does (and in the case of a numb arm, sometimes associated with a snake as the RAS waking prompt). In this case, the toy railroad tracks are apparently analogous to blood circulation, the closed door relating to blocked circulation (especially as both doorknob and arm are relevant to the left side). The prior dream related to answering the door (“Snow Bear”) is apparently a coincidence (especially as perceiving door knocking is a main alert factor of waking life, so naturally the reticular activating system would biologically implement it as such), as the implications are completely different (environmental noise as possible real knocking in contrast to blocked circulation while sleeping).

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Morning of August 13, 1976. Friday.

Dream #: 3,525-07. Reading time: 20 sec.



I enter the Cubitis house’s southwest bedroom (where my school clothes are) in the late morning. I encounter a giant praying mantis that is about as tall as I am. It stands facing me (facing north) on the west side of the room. Curiously, I see it as an oddity, and I do not feel threatened by it. It does not attack me.

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My dream was probably at least partly influenced by the movie “The Deadly Mantis” (1957) though I had seen these insects in real life.

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Morning of June 19, 1976. Saturday.



I am in the southwest bedroom of the Cubitis house where my father is present. We are in the southeast area of the room, near the doorway. I am facing the south windows as he is sitting on a chair facing me. He has taken a very rare species of (assumed as fictional) phosphorescent earthworm and is holding it by one end, saying that it has the ability to communicate with people. After a few minutes, the worm curls to form actual vertical handwriting with its entire body, first spelling the word “loam”, then the word “vex”. This is all that it does before my dream fades. (I consider that it is a glow worm, as one of the many songs my father sang publicly was called “Glow Worm”, though that is not actually what it is.) I sense that the worm is annoyed by people trying to get messages from it, when it probably wants to sleep.

The earthworm is a real-time dream state symbol. Attempting to read it as it is spelling words is the emergent consciousness factor, as thinking skills for sustained reading are only viable when conscious. As such, it seems that a part of me does not want to get up for the day yet. Additionally, trying to get feasible “messages” from the unconscious is sometimes futile, as it is just that…unconscious. (I suspect that this dream may have also been influenced by the “Sesame Street” short “Mary Sunshine”, though related to counting, with the lyric, “I head eleven worms yawning”.)

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2 minute 20 second read.

Saturday morning, 7 October 1972. (Rewritten for clarifications on 21 June 2022.)

The Sally Struthers Autograph

Dream # 2,119-05.



Some people might incorrectly claim the foundation of this dream is a "false awakening," but it originated from semi-conscious summoning and maintaining it with partial lucidness. However, there were sparsely occurring "false awakenings" (but not in the conventional sense) later in this sleep cycle.

To clarify, I thought I had been awake a few times before morning when I was not (though this was more like false memories of brief dreams that did not occur), mistakenly confirming "Sally Struthers" was written on the page. (There was no resemblance to her real-world autograph). The outcome was that it was not her name but "sepia" written in cursive in real life. (Even if it had been her name, it would have been me who had written it.) The word was on the right-hand page, slightly above the center. As a boy, I had written that it might have been confusion with the word "sleepy." Ultimately, trying to remain alert enough throughout the night to write in my dream journal immediately after a dream was something I felt was problematic. I never had trouble recalling multiple dreams in vivid detail every morning, so it was unnecessary.

In my dream, actress Sally Struthers, dressed informally in blue jeans and an orange sweater, visits me around midnight in the darkness of my Cubitis bedroom. She stands in the southwest quadrant of my room near the head of my bed. She seems younger, probably from my associations with her teenage persona of Pebbles in the cartoon.

As she leans over me (as I do not get out of bed), she tells me about the work she will be doing to help people in poverty and her pending activism (Christian Children's Fund, which became a scandalous organization in 1994, and public service announcements). She wants to sign her name on a page of my dream journal (that, in real life, was open on the desk near the head of my bed) to prove to me that she had been here.

I was familiar with her acting in "All in the Family," the movie "Five Easy Pieces," and (as aforementioned) voicing Pebbles in "The Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm Show."

There is unaccountable content here. Sally's appearance and persona are more like Fran Clinton in "The Getaway," but that movie did not come out until December 1972. Odder is how, according to sources, she only became the Christian Children's Fund spokeswoman in 1976.

Because the movie ("The Getaway") was already in production when I had this dream, it is demonstrably more from a co-occurrent "non-local" perception rather than "seeing the future." (That is certainly true for my continual "communication" with Zsuzsanna before we learned of each other in waking life.)

The content regarding the Christian Children's Fund and the charity work she became known for is likely from a type of perception people do not fully understand yet. I do not think it is "seeing the future." Because they approached her as such, it must have been for a discernible reason, something I impersonally perceived (for no particular reason for me). With Zsuzsanna, it is different and an unknown factor continually linking us together all our lives on many levels.

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