memorable

"Time Warp" Jan 1st 2012

There was a knock at Ryan's door. I went outside then i heard myself from inside the house. I hid then realized I could zip away or time travel. I figured out how to astral project myself into other dimensions. This was key to the next epic dream which was like living another life. When I was aware of this I committed your to dream memory, it was in the future. Beyond 2012 and my brother was going to be trapped in a time warp so I had to save him. I used my special powers to become invisible and I ap'd across a road covered in ice that sensed or human energy. They could not sense me unless I was in front of them and touching the ice. These men in yellow astronaut like suits with helmets etc. they may have thought I was an alien because I was invisible or maybe they knew who I was.

There was a huge collapse of a football stadium just like a movie. That may have been earlier, then there was an attack like an unseen force of destruction. Aliens? I remember how I used the cellphone as w a way to warp, but I'm not sure if those were tapped.

I think I may have been caught or rode in a "police" vehicle. They drove hover cars that were Circular with rubber legs or something and could sense life. The whole area was dead and humanity was being wiped out like in a time warp and controlled or I fear channeled to other bodies ?


"Glitch" Feb. 9 2009

Last Night: I am in bed, and then I am being awakened. I am conscious and choose my escape method. I feel the force of spinning in my body, and slip out then the Shadow begins poking me::In the ribs, back, thigh, stomach, arms, anywhere it hurts me and I continue avoiding the pain and knowing I cannot just 'let' it torture me because it obviously 'wants' me to struggle, so masochistic. I know there are four anonymous demon names which I am not aware of, although I know there are four demon names before me....and I am then suddenly under my bed on the floor- I feel the cold wooden floor against my skin and I am laying with my side and face on the floor, I am UNDER the bed...it was so real and terrifying....the poking and pinching begins again and I begin calling out 'Aaaah Aahh' sometimes I can hear it, and it's like I am moaning through the parallel astral dimensions. I wake up and think, although that was horrible I think I can experience worse....

The Night Before: I am once again boarding the plane and then the plane takes off, then I am waiting to board, then I am traveling in air, next to people. There are companions. It's just non-stop boarding then getting off...and then on. I am climbing through a tall building that is never-ending with secret rooms- this large building is a metaphor for a Magical Asylum. It has rooms for memories of people that passed and people being born. My mother has a room with paintings of her children and who she wanted us to be....

The Magical Asylum and The Airplane metaphor is a dream I have been having almost nightly, getting on a plane and traveling...and then this stupid crazy Magical Asylum in a dark city at night. I am trapped, it's like a life or death...like they are trying to make us Immortal and crazy or something and I keep trying to escape and make friends with the patients then like, I escape and become a con artist or I steal things from the Asylum....or tell their secrets like a spy it's very fun those dreams but the neverending rooms like dreams are overwhelming and make me dizzy. I also have dreams about boarding schools, of course, magical boarding schools with a Witch as the Headmistress and yeah...those dreams are hard to remember when I wake up.

"Little Brother" DEC 14 2010

My recent dream was very different than usual dreams. I was with my younger brother, who is usually very mature and articulate. In this dream it was like he was a really young boy, like nine or so, and kind of vulnerable. His vulnerability just showed. I was with him on the shore with a crowd of people, once again it was in a tropical climate and then I told some people, maybe parents or caretakers that we were venturing toward the shore to see the waves. I was with him, and suddenly the waves rushed in and people were panicking. I quickly took control and became the mother of my brother, I told him to hurry back from the water just before it started to flood. Then this person, I think it was my dad character, said to take my brother and flee because it was crowded, and we needed to get away before the floods got to us. We were walking along the road in the dark. The further we moved away from the sea the more I became the mother. But then, suddenly I became possessive. I had him in really nice clothes and he was with me, but everything was up to my "vision" of him and how much I loved him, while putting my interests first. I remember I took him with me, and him being kind of incoherently innocent, smiled as we enjoyed a rich people's party. I was dressed in designer clothes and acting wealthy and superior.

And i wanted him to look wealthy to project both of our worth. I've never been this way in real life but it made me analyze the issue of parenthood and possessiveness. Also, I think the ocean may have an emotional level for how much I care about my brother...and with my mom not being stable right now I do feel protective of him while not feeling like I can truly protect him. And with my mom sick, it's even harder. He's becoming an adult, so this is even stranger to me that I should dream of him being so little. Of course, the worst part was I think during the end my self got so consumed in escapism that I lost sight of him and ended up in my own world and he was left behind. I don't know, I never cared about someone as much as my brother. I know he cares about me a lot too, and it's hard to express how much you love someone when it's family sometimes, because you're with them all the time. I still live at home aside from college, and he's going to college next year.

Overall it was a really deep and revealing dream, but on so many levels the part about me in this over-protective possessive role while it seemed to feel good as the "mother" I retrospectively think of it as entirely wrong. I have wondered sometimes if my mother became this way too...or if it's common under stress or normal circumstances. I also think I've always wanted him to think of me as a role model, and I've felt I let him down sometimes. Feeling like I want to protect my younger brother, as I always have, it's tough when he's growing up and I worry about him. He's so rebellious and craving independence, and I'm just someone who cares about him. But deep down, isn't caring better than being protective? Even if that boy in the dream wasn't like him, I've had another dream that scared me to the core. I called my brother and his voice was creepily childish and confused, and my first thought was "he's in trouble, it's not him"

I wonder sometimes, it's like I have all these dreams of his childhood self when I was struggling, images of him crying when I looked into a mirror at my face, I see his face instead. What are my dreams telling me? That I need to be a better sister?

"Gangsta" 2009
I remember it much like snapshots of different moments. In the beginning I was on a mission. Then I was watching a video that was made for me by two men, who were dressed in dark hoodies. It was them talking about how they loved me, but I wasn't sure I should love them because they were gangsters. Then I was at a young man's house, who trying to get me alcohol and to drink alcohol despite I was talking to my dad, who was laying on the couch dreaming. I remember the government found out I did something illegal, maybe I fell in love. Then I was in a garage type place and this rich man who traveled a lot said he had been looking for me, and that I couldn't get away from him. He started firing at me and I dodged all the bullets then I ran, and I got on a train and ended up where no one could find me, not even my family. I was walking through a downtown area in a black coat looking up at the architecture, there was probably a fountain and it was fall or winter. I had a feeling I would meet someone, that I would still fulfill my mission despite that I had left everything behind, it was a new life.

"Ascension" 2009 October

I am on a subway. The train screeches. I'm with people, we're underground. I make it to the bottom, there must've been an elevator. I take the stairs to the top. I'm in my house, a man is with me on the porch who tries to attack me. Then he shifts and evolves into a friend. He wanted to tell me the secret truth.
I'm in a spaceship with horrible people doing horrible things to me. I keep coming back to a 'game' where I'm a baby being fed bad food and sung aweful lullabies to grow into a slave. I write a letter to the heavens, and tell them what I know of this. That I don't understand why I am being put through the game and what I truly want. I'm with two people, a man and a woman. The man thinks I'm his slave. The man tells me something, the woman is suspending herself. I make a better impression on them, the man thinks he is like God?
I'm in a space station type place. There's a sick boy with me. I've been given pills in the shape of the solar system. A nurse comes into my bedroom and I feel upset about this. A girl is sitting in my bed and she is talking about the aliens. I tell her they are real, it's just a matter of perspective. I see a tirangle spaceship and think about another dream about the triangle spaceship, desert, and mars.

I'm on a huge spaceship and we're looking out into space. A chinese man and a wise scientist. One of them throws open the space door. They hold onto the sides, 'what are you doing?' a man asks. He says 'I'm liberating them'. We decide to let go and are sucked into the stars then spit out on the otherside. But it's not what the boy thought it would be. He reminds me of someone. Then I'm hovering above a spaceship that's on a planet, and it's making 'spew spew spew' noises and I hear a rock music song.
I am strong when I face the attacker, I wrestle him and my dad yells at him 'what are you doing?' he says I came to tell her the truth. There was a contract you signed that you werent meant to into slavery. The system brought him there. Then he realized he was supposed to be my friend and became nice. So much happened within this and it was all so vivid and surreal, like the most craziest dream I've ever had. It may have flowed in sequence but not when I woke up. It was definitely centered around ascension.

This dream was interesting and futuristic like many of my dreams. I plan on posting my most memorable ones periodically.

March 29, 2011

"All you need is a foreign tour guide, and this guide will take you through the map of dreams--to any parallel earth in time."

We were in a room I had been before, fleeting glimpses of past and future swirled around with magical glimpses of surreal and primal wants.

I walked along a city, there were tall highways that reached up into the sky.

I entered this large building in France. Perhaps in Paris, France. "How did you get in here?" Someone asked me. I told them I had a tour guide.

The place was a giant museum...basically, an empty chamber with towering walls of black marble, etched into the marble was locations, names, identities. Something about it was mystical, mythical, unsettling. They were busy, people rushed through but I was in awe of the names. I knew I had to look at them. They looked like the names of vets of a war too, like in DC.

There was more, but I don't remember it all.

Then I had an intensely sexual run in with someone, that stayed with me.

So this girl asked me how I got there, and I told her because I couldn't help it I was so excited...she was younger, and she asked how she could get a foreign tour guide so she could travel between realms as well.

The oddest thing about the dream was that I had a gut feeling I was dreaming. But what made me mad to them was that I thought it was a dream! This happens a lot in my dreams, dream people think I'm crazy when I realize or tell them I'm dreaming. I didn't tell anyone it was a dream, but I knew.

Then I heard, finally, "That's it. We're going in and getting her out." She sounded and looked like Hillary Clinton.

Suddenly I was pulled like through a tunnel, I saw men in black and they started chasing me. I jumped and had a fleeting glimpse of the room and bed as if it was just another fleeting dream. Then I woke up with a jolt realizing, wait--no this was my true reality.

I can only describe this in limited detail, if I could make a movie of those fleeting glimpses with a good budget---it would be awe inspiring. My dreams are like films, lucid, colorful full of light and beauty as well as sound and motion.

Jan 3 2011

I wondered exactly how I got there. It felt there was a surreal fog sweeping over me, choking me with terror. I watched the planes soaring high, then crashing down into oblivion. People poured into buses, evacuating the city like good citizens that they were. But I was not about to be shuttled to another cage. I was not one of them.

I had already been running, as far as I could in my drug induced panic, from the police. I had been running because I had caused another disturbance. In some ways, I felt the explosion had been my fault. The fear gripped my lungs, and I coughed at the gaseous smoky stench. How the hell was I going to outlive this one?

For one split second, I had been running from the scene. In another terrorizing second, the escape had been replaced by instinctual panic. I knew they were coming for me. I wasn't exactly sure what I had done this time. I believe it had something to do with unloading my rifle into the oppressor's stomach. The man Jimmy, my dealer, who had tried to beat me to a pulp and laced me with something from some new age drug.

The crazy stuff was starting to affect my judgment. That and the explosions that were blowing our city to a crisp. One corporate chain, one house with three children, one ghetto crack house, all the same fate. Yes, and in some way it felt comforting to me. To feel as though people were partaking in the terror I had always felt. The doom of mankind. The depression of a non-existent God to save us all.

Stopping for a second I clutched my heart, feeling it pounding with excitement and fear. There was no where else to go. I was on someone's property, but would they care now that we were brethren again? That I was a crook and a cheat would escape them. I ran to the cellar and tore it open. The wind and dust suddenly replaced by dark ebbing silence.

In the cellar it was very dark and dismal. It wreaked of plant foliage and flesh. It was as if I had stumbled into a Jurassic park of sorts. Making my way through the garbage, I stumbled over a table with specimens in bottles. Did I have my lighter? I hoped so, fishing through my pockets. I swore under my breath with relief. I had my butane lighter; thank god! When I flicked the torch on, I was taken aghast by what I saw.

The specimens were foreign to me. It seemed as though this was the home of some wacky scientist. But the specimens were not what really took my breath away, it was the expanse of the cellar. I wandered off toward something that felt it was pulling me toward it through both fear and curiosity. Suddenly, another explosion went off. I ran toward the blue glimmering, and found myself face to face with an immense aquarium.

There was plant life in the aquarium, and creatures were swimming about that seemed to have been taken from the bottom of the sea. Feeling the awe take over me, I walked toward the stairs and gazed down into the sea life. Another explosion sent me crouching.

"Who are you?" An old man snapped from down below.

"Uh, uh, name's Gerald. I was taking refuse from the bombs."

And so began our friendship, we spent the next 48 hours cooped up in the bomb shelter exchanging interesting stories. But Darren's stories were the most interesting, of course. Darren was once a diver, but the intrigue of sea-life caused him to study marine biology. He began collecting specimens of sea life, and then had experimented on their DNA to create new life forms.

After the attacks were over, Darren asked me to repay him for shelter by giving a blood sample. I couldn't say no, this man was a genius. He told me to close my eyes as he drew blood. I peaked, and to my utter shock realize his motives. Had he wanted to mix human DNA with sea specimen DNA? A completely new life form would be created from my DNA. I knew this...he knew it. It was an unspoken agreement.

But I had no idea that my DNA would cause the worst creatures imaginable. That my true nature was like that of a beast, and my DNA would slowly infect every cell in their mutant bodies. Creating a new form of life that resembled self-replicating trolls. I came back to visit him, and when I went to the cellar I found a million of these short stubby creatures, with large man-eating teeth. One of them was not enough to take me down, but a million? They kept multiplying.

I told him he had to stop. I told him I would not be a part of this. And then one day he simply disappeared off the face of the earth. I got a group of friends together, to try and stop the creatures from ever escaping the cellar...but the trolls were too strong. And so, I guess it was the final vengeance of God to create a new breed of human-like creatures. For now millions of trolls walk the earth, and strange mutant creatures have re-created the world into an inescapable survival game.

I don't want to go into alot of detail, because I don't know how to make this entry private. So I'll put what I can in as vague a way as possible.

Last nights LDs were memorable in several ways, mainly in the technique used to attain lucidity:

1. All 3 were successful DEILDs (which is usually really hard for me, I ordinarily just DILD)
2. All 3 were successful gender swaps
3. In the 3rd one, I didn't lose lucidity too soon, via some old tried and true techniques

First of all, concerning DEILDs, I was on a roll last night. They took little effort, and happened quickly! I went straight from a few moments of hypnogogic images and then boom, lucid. My self-awareness was consistent from being awake, to the images, then the LD. I was so happy, but I kept getting that "feeling tired within the dream, leading to waking up" problem. Even dream blindness one time. I just kept yelling "More Lucidity Pleeeeeease" and it would lock it in for a few moments. One time, I felt that tiredness and was afraid I might wake up, so I did my mirror trick: I lifted my hands and willed a mirror to appear. I looked at my reflection, opened my eyes REALLY WIDE, and they started changing shape and getting all deformed, which locked in the lucidity. But it wasn't until the 3rd LD, that in "that moment", you know, during a naughty LD, where you wake up too soon, I just kept on shouting "More Lucidity" every few seconds. It was a little high maintenance, but I didn't wake up until the deed was complete haha!

HUGE personal triumphs for me. You know folks, I always do better with my LDs when I come back to DV and talk to all you dreamers, discuss techniques.. just, you know, be in the zone. So I give all y'all partial credit Thanks xoxoxo.

Nerf Tag

I have more tattos than usual. One of the tats I remember having was the wing tattoos on the feet. I have those, one on my chest and 2 more on my legs. I was walking around with my dad and my girl friends mom and they were buying something expernive. Or rather they were paying a big motor cycle gang looking white dude to do something. Right before this my gf's mom told me that they had secret dealings with Mexican drug cartels and that she found mexican gang members sexy. At one point I was sitting down and slouching and my [gut] was reaching up and connecting with my chest and this should've freaked me out more than it did. I kept examining it saying "i'm not fat.." Later on...There is a campus wide game of some sort of tag game. It's not my campus and I am in the future but just 10 years or something. I am judging by he clothes. The campus is super modern looking. So this giant game of tag includes every onas a super soaker looking gun full of nerf footballs with the tails (no actual container to house the balls) in my dream, whenever this would could about, I would dodge the whole event feeling too cool or something like that. We the ultimate game is always preceded by a giant party and I'm seeing all of my old friends there and at one point after being antisocial for one reason I go up to a circle of friends and smack one guy on the ass. He was in the middle of telling a joke and everyone walks away from him because of me. he tells me so. Another friend join me and Bobby and we keep talking about how hot emily is looking tonight.

so the party ends and its time for the game. So I go and hide somewhere so I don't have to play but after a time I want to join. I grab a single nerf football (didn't get a gun) and start running around in the night pelting people with the ball and catching it as it bounces back to me. It's a beautiful show of athleticism and everything's going in slow mo to emphasize how awesome I am at this point. Near the end of the game (I'm eliminating hundreds of people) I head into a tunnel to finish it, get a little over zealous and after killing two guys, smash down one guy's corn dog and steal the other guy's skittles. I'm a dick but I don't know it. I'm stuffing my face full of skittles as they complain to me and we all walk back (them up front and me trailing about 10 ft, not secretively but more so because we weren't friends) to the headquarters of the game. I was shoveling skittles into my mouth, feeling like I was expanding as I did. There were counting our class members out loud then I woke up. I could still taste remnants of the skittles...

I don't remember every detail of the dream since it happened 2 nights ago. However, many details are still fresh in my mind, surprisingly.

I was walking around a hotel hall, with brightly lit lights on the first floor (as I remember seeing the main entrance doors from inside the hotel). I was already inside the hotel when the dream started, also. I recall walking down the hall and hearing a lot of people speaking, like a huge group towards the end of the hall. As I walked through the hallway, there was a desk in the middle, and I saw one of the sales representative managers (a boss) from an old, part-time job I had a few weeks ago. He was sitting down at the desk, talking to a female, albeit enthusiastically.

Later, I found myself going past him. The loud noises disappeared and I found myself in another hallway. There was a window next to the door of one of the rooms (even though I was indoors). I looked into the window; it was tinted. However, I could make out a bed and two people on it with their bedsheets drawn on them. It seemed like a man was having sex with a woman. I quickly looked away, abashed and continued walking down the hall. I passed a few rooms. The doors were closed and the room numbers were all blurry. Otherwise, everything remained brightly lit.

As I walked and walked past these rooms along the hallway, I got to the last room before the staircase. I couldn't enter even though I tried opening it. (In this dream, I assumed that I could walk into any room I wanted, which is strange, I know). I proceeded to the staircase leading...to a previous floor. The handles were gold and the staircase was spiral. Just before I took the first step downwards, I woke up.

I know there was more to this dream but its rather faded. The part I remember most is i was in a dim room, in a bed, and there was a hooded woman with her hands on my head. At first it was supposedly pleasant but as time went on i could tell that she was a witch or satanist, and when i began to say the name of Jesus over and over, her hands began to burn and smoke. I can't remember exactly what she said but it was about how Satan had power and was strong. With each time i said Jesus it became harder for me to say it again. Even as i type this i'm feeling a pressure against my head, and i know it isn't just some 'nightmare' that it could be more...but im grasping at straws on what it means exactly, that im under attack? or that someone is trying to manipulate me?

I was running through a huge city, with some friends 'Courtney' and 'Jordan'. It was very crowded and we had to really work our way through to this tall glass tower. It was kinda built like minecraft buildings...blocky. We were looking for this man 'Mr. Toya' who had gone missing from this city. We made it to a train station where some enemy agents were holding back some trains. We shot them down then took a train straight for the Tower. When we were nearly there, our train driver was shot and the train de-railed. We lost Jordan for the time being, and went ahead with the mission. First part of the mission was to take back some stolen cash. Like in minecraft, I broke blocks on the tower to make a stairway right to the room where the money was being held. There were two enemy agents there whom I shot, then I took the money. I went back down and gave the money to Jordan, he had caught up I guess. He decided to call 'Gavin' to come pick up the cash. I noticed that on Jordan's cell phone, he had Gavin's number, and I thought it was weird because Gavin doesn't have a cell phone in real life.

So Courtney and I went into the tower and looked around for clues as to where Mr. Toya was at. I found some friends -'Dallin, Josh, and Issac'- who said they had heard some activity in the night near this white van at the entrance of the Tower. I met up with Courtney again and we went to look for the van. When we stepped outside, a helicopter came down and dropped a giant magnet on a cable to lift the van away. we tried shooting at it, but it was no use. We concluded that the government was trying to cover something up. Just then a train pulled up and blew up. We knew it was the government, and so we split up and ran. I kept running and the city shifted into some streets in my home town, Division st and some others mostly. I slowed my running when I got to a round about. I took the uniform from an officer. I saw a police man running toward me, so I began to run back toward the Tower. We were running really weirdly, but he assumed I was actually a police man.

We met up with more officers, and they informed me that they were after some terrorists who had stolen money and potentially killed Mr. Toya. We were specifically after this spy, her name being 'Liza'. She was a lower rank agent than me, and so I played along as a police man. We chased her to the Tower, some other agents were trying to stop us, but we shot them. She ran up the stairway I had made into the tower, but when she reached the end of the stairs, she tunneled forward until she broke through the tower. She tried to jump out, but I caught her leg and pulled her back in. We were going to question her, but she was dead when tried to. The officers moved her over the the pile of deceased bodies, and I saw Courtney and Jordan there.

And now for something completely different. I'll increase production quality in the future. This was just a proof of concept.

??.1.2012

A Real Gem (DILD)

★★★★★

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

She looked at me longingly, as I stood from my seat, the crowds still pouring into the stadium around us. Smiling lovingly, I reassure her: ”It’s alright. I’m just leaving to have a bit of fun. These kinds of gigs don’t really appeal to me.”

Like the dear she is, my girlfriend understands immediately and returns my affectionate smile, ”Go on, then.” Finally, with her blessing I take to the air, gliding up, above the crowds, out to the mountaintop. Rich, sapphire skies and lush, emerald trees rise to greet me as I leave the dark, grey, architecture of the stadium below me. I land in the arena for the previous event, a large, rectangular area paneled with planks of polished cypress and other beautiful grains. Briefly, I think back to the highlighter duel, and it’s laser-tag-like shenanigans, but it doesn’t take me long to start having a different kind of fun.

Whipping out a deck of old yu-gi-oh cards, I summon myself a Blue Eyes White Dragon, and sure enough, one appears before my eyes in a brilliant flash of swirling light, but this is no hologram. It’s as real as I am, I muse in wonderment, approaching the beast with an outstretched hand. He, Yes, he, accepts my challenge for control and allows me to jump on his back. Without warning, the dragon ploughs forward and leaps off the mountainside, throwing us both into an ever quickening plunge. I hold on for everything I’m worth as the ground below rushes up to greet me. Yet, I have nothing to fear, for the dragon is as controlled as it is deadly. Before the two of us can become a single, red smear on the rock-face, the diamond-eye’d beauty opens it’s jagged, almost crystalline wings. We’re flying.

What follows is an exhilarating journey, through clouds and rolling plateaus covered in picturesque, jade grass, stone windmills and thatch cottages. It’s all I can do to keep my grip on his smooth, armored back--especially traveling at such speeds--but I manage alright. My reward is the experience of a lifetime: surreal, exhilarating, yet strangely calming. In this moment, I’m at peace with myself and the dreamworld around me.

A few days worth.

Was in yoga class with kara. Rain was teaching the class and Kara gave her a yoga cd to play. Rain kept stopping the class and telling stories. I just wanted to do yoga. People kept telling Kara that they liked her music. I was a little jealous. I was at the yoga studio and the girl that teaches when kris teaches was there. We flirted a little and I sat and wrapped my legs around her. I turned to her And we slowly kissed. I woke.*

I had a wild later where I imagined a scene and was teleported into some house. I kept exploring and stabilizing the dream. It was a house with rainbow type colors. I don't remember too much as I did not write the dream down until later in the night.*


Day 2:
Was in the mountains with everyone. The monks were putting on a show. There were these cool apple fruit drinks that were being served. They were the most delicious drinks I have ever tasted. It looked like we were in the mountains of the gods. Later for some reason I had to be home. I didn't want to leave and felt extremely at peace when at home.*

Day 3:
It was fathers last night and he came to visit. He didn't want to go out and neither did I. We were both tired so he just hung out with us. I met noticing the extra tiredness of myself. Our apartment was completely different too. He went around to check the place out.*

"Nicholai....
Nicholai..." A soft voice melded with the background of the kitchen, over sized by the perception of an infant.
"Nicholai..." This was his name. Who was calling him? Suddenly he thought, suddenly he existed. Now his sole purpose was to discover the one calling him. The voice, the tone, the timber... He knew it. His mother. His mother was the one calling to him. Muscles on his face moved, shaped, morphed themselves collectively to form a smile. He was fond of his mother, he loved her. What child didn't? This new form of ability allowed him to move, to walk, to turn in order to face a hallway where the sound originated. There was the shadowed face of his mother, hidden by forces unknown to him.
"Nicholai..." His mouth was dry and staled with the taste of sand, his eyes burning of salt. The sound of heavy breathing pervaded his sense, it was him. It was his own lungs gasping for air.
"Nicholai..."

Nicholai's eyes opened only to stare down at a moving wall of sand. Immediately he was concerned for his own safety, worried about the sudden disorientated amnesia that faced him. He was being dragged unconsciously. The muscles of his neck screamed for reprieve, but he must look to face the world before him, to know. City blocks lay before him, buildings worn with decades of decaying sand. They were taking him through a ghost town. Who were they? Ignoring the second barrage of messages from his nervous system, he looked to his left to face a large man, heavy built, face covered by a bone mask. The rebels. Memories came back to him slowly. He was now an outcast, meant only to face a short, empty life. Why were they taking him here? Casting as many glances around as he could manage, he noticed one thing, or, one lack of thing: life. The small group of five armed men, not including him, were the only visible inhabitants of this large desert city. Where was everyone?

Feeling came to his ankles suddenly, they were turning. Gaze turned once before him, he noticed they had begun heading towards a small home. Why this one? Five minutes of consciousness and he was already riddled by the complexities he now faced in life. The leading soldier, presumably an officer, dusted off the sand-caked pad to the left of the doorway to reveal a home interface, still gleaming in the sunlight. Pressing his palm to it, a wall of clay fell to the ground in a cloud of puff to reveal a siding door, now open. The group continued onward, carrying their unwilling prisoner inside. There was a damp, pungent smell to the building, only detectable by those who spent large amounts of time out in the dry, desert air. It was the smell of humidity. Nicholai assumed that the building had kept in the water that had evaporated, due to the fact that almost all of the dwellings on this planet were airtight. Oxygen and water were fed in and recycled through a series of underground pipes, smarter than relying on the harsh atmosphere outside.

A soldier on corner duty spoke up quickly, mentioning something about 'them'. Niko turned just enough to see him out of the corner of his eye, catching the movement of the holographic scanner in his hand. An opaque, green-tinted replica of the city floated in mid air, covered in a small portion by red blobs. Niko had seen these portable interfaces before, even used and repaired them, this much he could remember. One fact in particular stuck out in his recollection: red almost always meant bad. Before he could gather more information, screaming sounds of engines rang throughout the home. An aircraft of some kind was outside, and close. Several of the soldiers began speaking at once, and all of them brought their weapons of choice to bear. The leader began giving hand motions to his squads, followed by commands. The group politely ended their jabbering to listen, then did exactly as they were ordered, even the part about dropping Niko, who fell to his knees only to realize he wasn't bound as he had first assumed.

As he shifted his weight in order to run, the door began to creep open. One soldier of a lower rank pointed out the obvious.
"They're here!" Just as the first shot was fired, Niko was on his way to the second room. Scrambling to find a weapon of some sort, he vaguely noted the stove to his left. A kitchen, kitchens meant knives. Quickly coming to the conclusion that they'd be stored, he systematically began ripping drawers from their grottoes, but the dying sounds of the gunfight only a door away meant that he'd run out of time. He turned to face a soldier in the doorway, rifle at the ready. Quickly putting his hands up, Niko did his best to look out of place, which wasn't too difficult.
"I'm not with them, they took me! They beat me!" In his current state, he looked ragged enough for the story to be true. The soldier stepped toward him, still not entirely sure.
"Are you injured?"
"Yes, yes! I need medical attention!" It was working well so far. Niko dared to step towards the soldier, lowering his hands. The man didn't seem to notice.
"You don't look too beat up, I'll need your help. My friend is hurt back there." The soldier turned for just a moment to gesture towards the other room, but it was enough time for him. With a quick step, he had on had under the shoulder of the soldier, pushing him off balance while the other was retrieving the knife on the shoulder-pad of his armor. Within a second, it had been done, but the soldier was fast. By the time Niko managed to get the knife at the ready, the soldier was coming at him.

Niko side-stepped a blow from the butt of the soldier's rifle, only to make a failed lunge at the man's exposed jugular. The knife glanced off of the hardened armor, and his wrist was caught in the man's grasp. Had to give up the knife already. He put his foot between the two of them, pushing off as hard as he could manage with one foot. It sent the soldier tumbling into the other room with the knife, just enough time for one move. Turning to survey his options, the first glance caught a gamble: the last kitchen drawer. Rushing to it, he jerked it open to reveal a full stock of knives. Jackpot. They weren't combat knives, of course, but they would kill all the same. Niko grabbed two at first instinct, both sharp and non-serrated. He faced the door only to experience a bit of deja-vu, the soldier was coming back for more. Niko was on him before he could act, however, reversed blade in his right hand, and the second blade for blocking. The man had given Niko more time earlier, for he had searched and found his ill-used combat knife, and was using it as a deterrent for close-range combat. As Niko neared, the man swiped at him, just grazing his left bicep. Niko punished him for it, though, as he drove the first knife into the left side of the soldier's neck, then the second knife entered under the protection of the armor and the ribcage, puncturing a lung.

After several moments of stillness, as if they were locked in an embrace, the soldier crumpled into a heap, blood leaking slowly onto the floor. Niko went over his weapons, deciding it would be better to take the combat knife and leave the others. It would be hard to carry a trooper's rifle inconspicuously. Niko took a long stare at the still-glowing eyes of the soldier's armor, feeling the rush of adrenaline slip away. Before he began to feel remorseful, he turned and exited the kitchen. Now for the second trooper. Niko wasted no time searching the house for him, he had, without a doubt, attempted to escape the city on foot after seeing his comrade attacked. He guessed that the rebels that had brought him here hadn't survived the initial firefight, and that just made his life a little easier. One last sigh left Niko following a set of footprints, made large by the scout's boots. It wouldn't be difficult to track him down, and maybe he could get to civilization by doing so. He gave one last look at the city, behind him now, before he slid the knife into his boot and carried onward.

Self Esteem

We were skating around some strange place with my friends. There has been a giant recent loss in self esteem for some reason in the whole world. Me and the guys decide to hang out in someone's house which I remember as being pretty well furnished. Since I was the most confident in the group, I had to go get the snacks. Everything is kinda dirty on the way out, I arrive at this guys store. He's a fat middle euro guy behind a glass kind of shield. Asks me what I want and the first thing that I ask for doesn't need to be paid for so then he spends a long time complaining about how I never pay for anything but then I remember that I have to get snacks so I get a shit ton of candy bars and two giant bags of mini resee's and then I poke fun at him "I never buy anything?" we joke and laugh and on the tv a news story comes on about the crisis in the world's loss of self esteem. I found it upon myself that I had to be a hero for the world and have more self esteem than everyone else and somehow save the day.

Rock Fights and Boarding

Was with my mom outside what kinda reminded me of a place near my house. she gets really mad at me so I have to follow her to figure it out. I get on my knees slowly and try to explain my recent anger. She silently brings me on this double decker coach bus which was the local transit in the dream the bus drive is mad at us fr talking forever but the new money system was hard to figure out. the door finally goes through and we go to the mall which is much more grandiose and modern looking than it already is. She walks me to rainforest cafe, all the time I was asking, with no reply what she as doing. So I guess we're gonna have a talk here. Some reason I leave, find the car and drive it back to another neighborhood. I go back to my house, which now i so a really steep hill. There is a strange knife fighting asian guy who wants to kill me. We fight for a while, swing our knives at each other, dealing out heavy blows. I have a "hunting rock" which I know with three good blows to the head will kill hi. Instead I keep aiming for his ribs...i don't want to kill him. I've hit him twice on the head and multiple times in the ribs. I hit him again in the ribs and can hear his ribs crack. He chokes up blood and goes limp. I back up a little and he jumps out. He was only pretending. He comes at me and something in my mind changes the dream is flickering and I was half waking up. I realized that I was dreaming and became lucid. Something about this lucidity was really weird though. The dream was still flickering and fading and I was still slightly waking up but I didn't try to stabilize the dream. He hit me over the head with something and I acknowledged the pain and then ignored it. I give him one more great hit in the ribs. he's done. I think his father was around to pick him up and go. I forget it's a dream...I get out of the house and the down hill looks really good as a long-boading thing. The hill is really traffic-y and cars are going down really fast in waves toward this tol booth thing. I see that my longboard is down there leaning on a tree, when I get back there I realize tha I left something up at the house, I start walking back tot he house but decide I don't need it, look back and my longboard is gone. I freak out for a long time but then my mom drives by and gives me a backpack with my longboard. its some move of reconciliation from an earlier fight. I go down the hill boarding

Herpes

. I'm with this one black girl that I've met, kinda chunky but I'm still diggin her. We back into an alley way get out of the car and into this door. We were in there for a long time and through a window I can see my car. While we're talking I see that a bunch of cars are trying to pass mine but they just stop. They're trying to pass it on both sides but my car is blocking them. I forget it and start making out with the girl in her room (which is a replica of my room). We really start going at it and were both shirtless and kissing all over. Before I take off her underwear I ask if she has herpes and she barely answers and I assume she does and I ask if she's having an outbreak, she says yes pulls down her pants and shows me it. I say I can't do it and go to get dressed. She's noticeably frustrated and angry as I walk around the room and pick up my clothes and put them on. She pulls up her pants while lying on the bed being all pissy. It was weird because there was one second where I looked at her and she was 10 times hotter than before, then it was back to normal. She wasn't ugly, just average. I go outside of the room and see that my car windows have been smashed and the whole car was stripped and pushed to the side so that people could get through. The car weakly starts on the second try but can't stay in park and the emergency break barely works. As I get back out of the car and then back into the house, I can hear her frustrated screams from inside "I get half way 3 times a week but I can't get fucked!!?" I cautiously go back inside telling her about my car and she's mad at me and tells me she can't deal with it now. I accidentally go into another room (which would've been my mom's room) but it was where her dad was sleeping. Also, I could hear one of her parents with the tv on the whole time before this but that was no big deal. The dad, with messy covers drawn over him in the dim room looks at me and says "oh its you, the [something wispy like smoke I think]" I say I am not one of those and try to head back to my car, I want to turn back and say that I lived here before they did but I don't...

I'm going to write a bit longer dream today from the past - the recall still isn't good, but at least I've returned to monophasic sleeping lately.

Mom's Diner - Just Kill Me Already
Date: August 21th, 2009
Lucid: Yes
Method: DILD

I thought I was at home, but there were some guys from the army doing some kind of ice...thingie. There was a pool made of concrete and the guys were pouring ice-cold water into it for it to freeze. For some reason I decided to jump into the water. I didn't feel the coldness, but the water started to freeze and resist my movement right away. I asked the army guys to help me up and luckily they did help me out of the pool. I was wondering whether I should help the guys in this freezing thing they were doing, but then they started talking:
"Have you tasted mom's delicacies yet?"
"Nope."
"Well go have a taste!"

I had changed into army uniform and the place overall resembled the garrison I had been a year earlier in reality. "Mom" was apparently some diner runner there. She seemed to be really liked. She actually looked like one lady that indeed did work in the army in reality. Nobody called her mom though.

Still I had not actually seen her in the dream though (just getting ahead of myself). I was at the door of the place and there was some kind of candle rack (is it said like that?) that I managed to accidentally cause to fall. Actually this resembles again a real-life situation - in the army I did back into a flower stand and the jar where the flower were broke. I guess that embarrassing situation left strong marks into my subconscious. Anyway the "Mom" was there looking at me like I'm some kind of madman. I apologized for tipping that rack over and was relieved that I didn't break anything.

I wandered around the place a bit. There were plenty of free tables, but I didn't find any place where to order anything. I ventured even further and then realized, that the "diner", wasn't any diner but more like a department store. There were a lot of small shops and stuff. For example there was Mom's kiosk, where you could get some food for travel, at least according to it's slogan. I kept zig-zagging the place. Finally I ended up in the other side of the place and went out from there.

People were going to some stadium outside. It resembled Berlin's Olympic Stadium, at least according to my notes, even though I have no idea what Berlin's Olympic Stadium looks like. The place was shutting down because Mom was going there. I gotta say that all of the people just talking about this mom made me very curious.

I went back into the "diner"/department store and looked for the kiosk. I planned to buy couple of chocolate bars to at least have something to eat, even if not Mom's acclaimed food. But no, the place was just shutting down. One of my former classmates was there gathering up things. What, he now works there? My brain works in a fucked up way sometimes... I felt like stealing the chocolate bars, because of this unfortunately timed closing time, but I ended up deciding against it.

That was when I realized, that I had been in the store for a long time. I started to wonder whether I should be back with the dudes at the concrete pool who were doing the freezing shit. Wow, amazing consistency in my dreams. This is the kind of dreams I'd like to enjoy while lucid, dreams where everything holds together, is logical and stays consistent. Too much to ask for, I guess.

Because even while this wasn't yet lucid, the logic and consistency of it sort of died right there. I went out of the store and where was I? At the local community center's front yard. I realized that this wasn't possible. Lucidity was inevitable at that point. The dream also (unsuprisingly) really started to lose it's quality.

There's a road going in front of it and I saw multiple trucks coming there. They really drove in wildly and had the trucks slide sideways because of turning too much, etc. Some tough-looking dudes came out of the trucks when they finally had stopped. The gang surrounded me. They were armed with assault rifles, though hilariously some of them had that red end that toy guns have at the end of the barrels.

They started acting all tough on me. Me being lucid I had zero fear, so I just acted tough back. Shame I don't remember the dialogue exactly. He was pointing his rifle at me and I just dared him to shoot me. I really pushed him. I ordered him to shoot me. I wanted to die. Yet he just kept threatening, instead of doing it. I realized he was not going to do it unless I do something more drastic.

I grabbed one of his gang members under my arm and threatened him. "Unless you shoot me, your friend is gonna suffer!"

Instead of shooting me like any sane thug would have done, he just reversed it. He said that my friend is gonna die if I don't stop - and as "my friend" he referred to the guy I had just grabbed. What the fuck? That's the worst illogicality I've ever seen in a dream. Dude, it's your friend, not mine.

I resiliently kept pissing him off so he finally obliged me and pulled the trigger. The gun just clicked. It was empty. He didn't even have ammo this whole time? What a retard! Besides, this already happened in my earlier dream (I just realized this). I guess empty guns are a dream sign for me. Then again, any guns at all are a dream sign for me. Anyway, I figured that I'm not going to get killed here, so I tried to pull out a gun from my pocket using passive control, just "knowing" it is there. It didn't work.

I tried to throw myself into the ground again as I noticed that the dream was crumbling fast. I ended up into my bed in a false awakening. I did like a million reality checks and by all means I should have realized I was still dreaming, but I still went to the kitchen to look for some more evidence. Too bad I was in a tight timeframe anyway, as I woke up then.

18th

This dream was so real, while I was in it I felt like there was no other life. I was in a pool with this girl and ?I had proposed to her? and we 'loved' each other so... yeah... we did some stuff . The I realised my dad had been watching the whole thing. He asked me if I'd proposed and said he already had a double bed for us. I said to him to please tell me this is a dream, to which he answered: does it look like a dream? I was getting quite upset because if I 'lover's this girl why was I getting ashamed of people knowing what we did? Then my dad got.in the pool and started flirting with her, like he was seeing if she was good enough for me. He said something like: Do you get hiccups just from looking at her?

I woke up (False)

I said, oh finally, ?I knew that was a dream?

Knowing this I went back to sleep and entered the previous dream (I don't know what occurred)

Woke up (Real)

19th

I was having a discussion with someone in mandarin, (I was actually speaking it, quite hesitantly though. I said (in chinese) would you like to learn a new language? (I wanted to teach them English ). We then had a small discussion about how long we had been learning, age, etc. Then he said something I didntbunderstabd and he clarified it in English. I was just thinking, oh hahahaha.

I had to do a math test or something, and when I finished, almost everyone else had left, so I left too. I was just wandering the halls, which looked similar to my school but not the same, and teachers kept walking by, so I stayed near the class I had come out of and tried to look like I was doing something.

As I was about to go through a door a short distance away, I had to stop and wait for two girls to come in first. Both of them were in costumes; the first had a dress but I don't remember who she was, and the second was supposed to be from Star Trek or something. They were older (like 20s) and a bit loud, and they were leading Halloween celebrations at my school. I went out the door, and they came out shortly after. I noticed several more people in costumes. The first girl said, "Halloween starts tomorrow!" I realized it was the last day of September, and Halloween events were going to be all through October.

I was in the lobby of the school then, and in front of me, there was a huge pink 'swirl' going all along the lobby and down into another area. It was made out of a slightly shiny fuzzy hot pink fabric, stuffed, and maybe 3 feet tall. It circled around the centre of the lobby and curled downwards into an absolutely enormous space which I 'remembered' was a stage. I considered asking someone if I could just walk down to it, because I wanted to see what it would be like to stand there. I wasn't sure if you were supposed to walk on the fabric, but I stood next to it petting it for a while.

The costumed girls got everyone out of class a few minutes later, and started a sort of parade around the school, with quite a few people in costumes. Still standing by the fabric thing, I was sort of caught in the middle of it all, so I stepped out and hung back so I could just stay at the back of it and not be noticed. My friend J and a guy who looked around 12 wearing a red t-shirt ran in front of me. They were next to each other, and both tried to run through a small space next to a pillar at the same time, but J crushed him against the pillar, and there was a loud, horrible sounding CRACK, which I knew(?) was his back breaking. The guy fell over all floppy. I was shocked and ran backwards a couple metres, with the fleeting thought that I was too close and I didn't want anyone to think I was involved. I turned back around and saw everyone had stopped and he was still lying there. Someone yelled, "Did you kill him?!" Someone else said, "Yes." I thought he was dead, but he suddenly tried to get up. He got about halfway up, before stumbling and falling over again sideways. He was silent. I was just saying "oh my god oh my god oh my god" quietly.

I went over to J and tried to say I was sorry that had happened. Her face looked unconcerned. I started, "Sorry.." and she said, "For what? I didn't do it." I tried to say "Well I know, I just meant.." but again she interrupted me, yelling, "I DIDN'T DO IT." She shoved me to the ground and pinned my arms down. At that moment, I could see a 3DS screen in the corner of my vision that was connected to this happening somehow. She said something along the lines of, "Round one of our fight...shall I start it?" I was kind of scared but mostly really really confused. She hit my face lightly. I was still trying to tell her what I'd meant, but she wouldn't listen. I closed my eyes, and she started prying one open with her fingers. I was scared she was going to do something to it. I was saying or maybe just thinking, "what the ACTUAL FUCK J" and she was just like, "Shall I hit you?" and punched me lightly on the left cheek again.

The 3DS kept being like "YOU SHOULD SUMMON A DOG" but I knew I didn't have a dog in the game. I tried to summon a dog anyway with my mind, and after a few tries, one appeared. I'm not sure if it appeared in 'real life' (of the dream) but it showed up on the 'screen' which was just overlaid on my vision, and I knew J could see it somehow. Then the system said "Your dog was not trained enough, but it brought you a treat!" and I saw it eating a football shaped treat. I said "Hahah, well that sure helped..." to J, trying to laugh it off. I was trying to get her off me when I woke up.


I dunno what to title this...it was really weird and kinda disturbing. J is also a very nice person IWL.