non-lucid

6.4.15

Afternoon sleep 3pm - 7:30pm

DR1
I'm outside and it's very foggy. Can't see a thing. I hear rustling all around. Something is coming from straight ahead. I aim my rifle, hoping to bag some animal for food. It's coming closer, I can see some dark shape through the fog now. But still can't make it out. It comes bit closer. Now I can tell, that its a black stallion. He is kicking the ground with his hooves. I'm not gonna shoot him. He looks so pretty in the fog.

Bit to the right, something large is running through the fog. Huge animals. Bison. I count 3 of these majestic beast. I ran to the house to get my camera and alert others. Bison don't live in this area, so it's a huge surprise.

DR2
Bad dream with OP reflecting waking life.

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted any dreams, but in the interest of picking my lucidity back up, I’m getting back into journaling. My dream last night was pretty cool, so I figured I’d start now.

First, I started off in this weird video game. There were a maze of chambers and locked doors, and several different soccer balls that I had to kick into their corresponding doors to unlock them. Occasionally there were a few creepy mannequin-like creatures that would block me from kicking the balls into the doors, but I managed to stay far enough away from them that they didn’t hurt me at all.

Next, I was working in what looked like a giant military base, with a large warehouse in the middle. Me and my boss were moving big boxes of paper in from his truck. At one point I looked at the papers, which were printed on one side with what looked like math homework. We finally walked back to my boss’s truck. It was 3pm, and he had to head to another project site, but he said there was one more pallet of paper boxes that I needed to move in, and I could leave after finishing that.

After he left, I was heading back to get the paper, but the wind was blowing pretty hard. At one point I stretched out my arms and let the wind take me up a bit into the air. I figured I’d use this to my advantage. I had some contraption that was basically a pool noodle shaped like football field goalposts. As I held it over my head, the wind picked up under it and lifted me up into the air. I sailed around the base for a while, mostly just staying a few feet off the ground. There were a ton of people around the base, and everyone waved as I passed them in the sky. The weirdness of this situation made me semi-lucid, but I was having fun sailing, so I just kept with it. At one point I took it even higher, flying about 100 feet up, and it felt amazing.

I eventually touched down in an open field. I lifted back up and practiced the landing a few times, but the last time my hands slipped from the pool noodle, and I fell on my back. Cosmo and Wanda from Fairly Oddparents were there, commenting on my “masterful” landing. “You think that’s impressive, check this out.” I pulled a portal gun out (from who knows where) and shot it into the sky. I then turned and pointed at the ground below me and fired. I instantly fell through it and found myself several miles up plummeting towards the earth. I must have been in a cloud or something, since I couldn’t see the ground from where I was. It was incredibly exhilarating. There was a speed meter at the bottom of my vision, so I tried repositioning myself in mid air to increase my speed as I tried to approach terminal velocity. It strangely didn’t change much, so I kept trying to make myself as aerodynamic as possible. Of course, I was too distracted by this, and forgot to actually pay attention to how close I was to the ground. I looked down to see it was coming up alarmingly fast. I pulled the cord to the parachute I was apparently wearing, but it was mostly too late. I blacked out as I hit a tree.

I woke up under the tree I had hit. My parachute was still caught up in the branches above me. I stood up and looked at my watch, it was past 10pm. I remember that I hadn’t finished unloading the paper boxes. I rushed over to the warehouse, only to find it was all closed up, with all the lights off. The gate outside was locked. I was thinking about jumping over, when a white car pulled up next to me. The window rolled down, and one of my friends was driving. I asked her how to get in, but she just told me they’ve been closed for a while. She then started telling me about her day. I really didn’t care about it, and was still trying to figure out how I was going to get inside, but she wouldn’t shut up.

In a fairly cinematic fashion, the scene transitioned into a flashback. The scene was this mix between Frozen and Toy Story. A young Elsa and Anna were in their bedroom, and Anna was excited for her birthday presents.

“Did you buy me a toy?”
“Oh, I bought you all the toys.”

Elsa opened a box with 3 or 4 toys inside, which looked like Raggedy Ann dolls. The dolls sprang to life and did a dance on her bed. I remember thinking (again, confusing Toy Story and Frozen) that it was weird that toys would buy other toys, since that would essentially be slavery. And then I woke up.

I was lying on the floor in a foyer outside a kind of auditorium space, updating my dream notebook. Inside the auditorium I could hear the sounds of an epic battle taking place between a group of human defenders and a massive demon overlord and his infernal minions. The demon overlord kept shouting ominous things in his deep booming voice, which was a mildly annoying distraction as I tried to write.

Finally I finished my entry and decided to go inside and intervene. I wondered if I should have helped the people earlier in their fight, but told myself that if I solved all their problems for them, they would never learn how to do things for themselves. That made me think of Aslan, from the Narnia series, who was always a bit of a dick that way: let the kids attempt to do something, wait until they inevitably failed, and then swoop in as a deus ex machina to save the day. Today I was going to be that dick.

I went into the auditorium and conjured a metal sphere in the air above my hand, then sent it toward the huge demon. It began circling his body, and as it did so, metal parts began extending from the sphere. Soon it had transformed into a metal suit that completely encased the demon. The headpiece had a transparent pane, so we could see the spray of red when the suit dissolved the demon's body. The suit then retracted into a floating metallic sphere again, leaving nothing but a red mist in the air where the demon had been. The sphere now targeted the smaller demonic underlings, killing them with high-speed impact. Then it found its way up past the ceiling of the auditorium, which was another transparent pane, and overhead we could see the sphere shooting in all directions, crashing into the flying vehicles that belonged to the demon city that towered overhead. Our victory would be thorough.

I started chatting with some people around me, expressing condolences for their comrades who had fallen in the battle earlier. "Where were you?" someone asked, and without thinking I admitted, "In the next room." Then I worried that they might be upset that I had taken so long before coming to help, when they realized I had been right there and could have come at any time. I didn't think it would improve matters if I tried explaining that I had delayed my arrival in order to update my dream journal.

Sharing an office
I'm in the office I share with Scott M. It's not a large room, and we both have a lot of stuff. The door is in one corner of the room. On the same wall as the door I have a table covered with computer stuff, some of it half built. On the wall left of the door is my desk. Underneath it are at least three computers. The network jacks are under my table, so network cables go across the floor both to my own computers and to Scott's.

As I'm doing something, I manage to disconnect Scott's network. I reconnect it, but I'm worried that something important on his computers may have shut down, so I go over to his desk to try to log in. I know he gave me his password for cases like this, and I take a moment to remember it: SnakeOil. I try to log in, but the password is rejected. Uh-oh. Now the login screen shows a failed login attempt. I try a couple of variations, and the computer gets tired of my repeated attempts and automatically reboots. I realize that would have solved the problem of any services that got shut down when I unplugged the network cable, but it still leaves the login failures. I wish I could log in successfully and clear it, but that's just not going to happen.

I was particularly worried that I may have killed his IM client, since he uses that as part of his working-from-home workflow. If his IM client isn't running, he can't access his computer from home.

A woman's landing a griffon. People come to meet her, and as she talks to one of them she's going to her bag and attending to her armor, getting out gloves and a helmet that weren't practical to wear while she was riding. She's talking about the things that need doing, acknowledging that some of them might be impossible at a small outpost like this, without the easy access to resources you get in the cities. And there's an animal strapped to the back of the griffon, restrained to keep it from hurting itself during the ride, in need of medical attention. They're next to the stables, but the griffon's too large for that - once everything's unloaded, it curls up on the ground like a cat, beside a tall fence.

That woman and the man she'd been talking to are walking past me into a circle of armed enemies. Someone in the crowd says, "It is the corruption against the corruption." They sound surprised. I'm ostensibly on the crowd's side, but I arranged to bring these two here tonight, and I expect them to kill the man who leads this little group, currently sitting on a kind of throne. Although I say nothing, I see him watching me and I can tell he understands my intention - or more likely he's imagining some grand paranoid plan; but my plan here is very straightforward, just his death. I'm aware he and I are a minor nuisance for these people I've brought here, just something to be dealt with on their way to something else - I have a vague association with the moon - not at all the grand schemes he's been imagining.

(Woke up. Back to sleep.)

I'm traveling through a city and taking the opportunity to meet with an old friend who was reassigned here recently, a promotion. She works in a form of law enforcement. She's talking about the changes on the island where we last saw each other, talking about the ongoing conflict there. She says the forest has been burned down, so they'll have no more place to hide. There's no more way to get past the patrols skating over the water - I have a mental image of a ring, a platform floating on the water, encircling the whole island, with the port itself as the only opening.

She describes all this as if they're good things. Time was, she'd be helping me get my people out of places like that. She's met the man who leads the people in that forest - his people aren't mine, but their situation is nearly identical. But I'm thinking, I shouldn't be surprised - the last time she helped me, something happened that frightened her. It's why she stopped working with me. My people weren't at fault, but I'm not surprised that she'd take that fear out on them. But listening to her now, talking as if my people should be locked up, it's like she's forgotten I'm one of them.

The Dream:

Once again, I find myself pregnant in the dream world. This time I'm back at school and I've just gone to see the school guidance counsellor to see what I should do. She's a very calm and therapeutic dream character and she puts me at ease.

She tells me she should have a look at me to see if there are any complications. She takes me outside her office and towards a golden bathtub sitting at the end of the hall. She asks me to undress and sit in the tub, but only if I feel comfortable doing so in such a public place. I start removing my shoes but when I'm about to take off my jeans, the previously empty hall is now bustling with people and I no longer want everyone to see what's happening.

She tells me that's alright and that she'll meet me in a room in the basement where there shouldn't be so many people. I then walk down three flights of stairs to the basement. There are some people loitering around but within this basement there's an "inner room" which is completely empty except for a row of beds. Relieved at having finally found some privacy, I'm about to go into the room when I'm suddenly interrupted by Adam (a classmate) who asks me if I'm here for Justin Bieber's morning maths lecture. I'm horrified to realize I also happen to have a morning lecture with Professor Bieber and that I'd been skipping it in order to see the counsellor.

Suddenly the previously empty inner room turns into a classroom and there are desks with students in them and a teacher at the front writing on the board. I sit at the back of the classroom. As the teacher starts his lesson, I start wondering how on earth I wound up being pregnant in the first place. I wonder if the events that led me to be pregnant actually happened or if it was all just a dream. I (stupidly) decided it must have actually happened.

The counsellor is back again and sits behind me in the classroom. She asks me if it's alright if we continue at the back of the classroom where no one will see us. I tell her "No, Adam is my classmate and I'll be mortified if he sees me back there."

So instead I just try to pay attention to the lecture. Everyone seems to understand except for me.

Notes:
Prior to this dream, I had pretty much decided I didn't ever want to have children until I was past 30. The counsellor character sticks out to me because she was a calming presence in the midst of my anxiety. The golden bathtub is also memorable...perhaps because it's so misplaced in the middle of a school hallway?

The theme of trying to find a private place to undress but being unable to find it prevails again. I don't know what else this could mean except that it just reflects my own anxieties about being around people. In each of these dreams, I'm often trying to hide something that is under my clothes (i.e. underwear, a pregnant belly). I'm worried about people finding out about my secrets---whatever those are.

Re-occurring elements:

• the failed search for a private space
• a bathtub
• pregnancy

Dream Signs:

• I'm pregnant (duh)
• I'm also apparently back in high school
• the random bathtub in the middle of the hall

-Dream 1
There was a crazy party in my neighborhood. There was a long drawn out endeavour to hook up with this one chick. I did and random people were watching. V was there. I think we both had similar goals.


-Notes
Also remembered a dream I had a while ago about having a party in the dorms at the end of the year.

Morning of June 4, 2015. Thursday.



As I have written in a few other entries, I have never had a “serious” dream about vampires (or zombies either). In fact, the only vampire dreams at all have only occurred in more recent years (which is unusual in that I watched far more vampire movies when I was younger yet never dreamed of being chased by one - probably because I never found vampires scary or threatening in any way even when young, this in my realization of how many dreams are otherwise directly or even solely influenced by movies or television shows regardless). This entry makes the sixth online entry (main tumblr journal) regarding the vampire theme (out of about 2,000 online foundational entries for my more complex and revealing work later on, hoping to build to about a meager 10,000 which represents only about a quarter of my writing), and there are not that many others documented. Obviously, without Hollywood movies, or perhaps more detailed literature as such, there would be no dreams about vampires - only less detailed monstrous threats perhaps (with human features), such as other types of unrealistically-rendered “demons”. I have dreamt of a large threatening bat but in a different context. The “were-hyena” dream (from 1990) is one of the only human-like fictional monsters I found threatening, and that dream was mainly a result of real-time environmental audio precognition (where I dreamed of a particular sound before it being linked to a very similar sound in reality - a type of recognized and personally well-documented dream anomaly I have never read about elsewhere).

In this dream, there is no direct instance or coherent rendering of my dream-self. I am mostly watching as if being a vaguely-aware bystander. The main character is a male of about forty at the most, of whom I do not know or find familiar in any way. He is in a meeting with Dracula and seated to my right at an old wooden table. Dracula is on my left but is rendered with extreme distortion. While he has the head of a bat (only about half the size of a human head), that head is hanging down from a snakelike neck so that his head is actually not visible to the person he is conversing with and actually at about the level of just below his ribs. It seems to involve the vampire wanting the man to read for him (in my last nonthreatening vampire dream, I was to write Dracula’s biography). Apparently, the man is illiterate or not a very good reader and seems to be explaining this.

Over time, I began to notice “more” (which is probably a typical changeover). The bat head may be either fake or be an additional extension from the snake-like “neck” from his upper chest area. I notice what looks like a sheet over a human head which is then implied to be the “real” vampire’s head - a dream detail which is probably a result of posting online an older - though enhanced with adult writing style, and freshly researched - dream from 1969 (“Sgt Carter Stalked by Killer Newspaper” from March 8, 1969). Although a new dream being influenced by a minor focus on a much older dream is something I have come to see occur more often as I grow older, I have more recently noticed it as having occurred now and then in past times more than originally noticed or realized.

I suspect the man is not that surprised by the distorted vampire because I get the impression that he cannot see very well (although the vampire with the sheet over his head probably cannot see very well, either - even if he saw through the additional low-hanging bat head eyes he would probably only see the underside of the table).

From here, my dream shifts into the vampire becoming something else, supposedly more “demonic”. He seems to be threatening as he walks toward a Rapunzel-like character and is growing horns as he is walking. However, it soon seems that he only has one larger horn though farther to one side, which makes me associate him with unicorns and juvenile fantasy. My dream takes on a rather distorted cartoon-like essence before collapsing into the abstract.

Interestingly, one of the first things I read when looking at another dream-based site today was someone dreaming about a vampire that changed into a creature with horns, without deliberately searching with such terms, though such synchronicity (or form of precognition) always happening continuously and too often to keep any record of.

I was in school. There was a huge pit in the middle of the building. I was heading to the cloakroom. I was wearing a heavy, black jeacket, jeans trousers and one shoe. Suddenly I realised where I left one of the shoes, and went to take it.

I walked up the stairs in the pit, and found my shoe lying near two girls. They gave me a purse, and told me that their pal is waiting for it on the bottom of the pit. I took my shoe on, and took the purse. Suddenly someone called me, but I haven't replied to the phone call. I ran down the stairs, gave the girl a note from my pocket and said "Sorry that I'm late."

Then I turned around and saw my friends sitting on the stairs. I sat with them.

I was inside the car with F and we were looking at my cousin house, but in RL looks totally different. I was telling him they had 6 kitchens in that house.

Setting: Someone's kitchen/living room.

I was among thieves but one was not like the others... There was a wild card on the team. The responsibility of taking him out was put on my shoulders. I knew this guy had a gun in one of his bags. I grab the gun and point it at the rogue sitting on the couch with his arms resting on the top. He stares me in the eye as I pull the trigger and hear a small disappointing click. I am a little panicked, this chump I was trying to shoot didn't bat an eye. He was calm as ever. I saw his eyes roll as he reached into his belt pulled out his secondary (that none of us knew of) and slowly and professional-like began loading it. I ran back to his bag and fumbled around with the pack of bullets. My hands were shaky and it felt like forever passed before I finally had the gun loaded and clicked back in position. I had never used a gun before. I had been crouching behind the kitchen island while getting the bullets in the gun. I felt myself perspire and the fear welling up in my gut. I thought to myself maybe I had a chance if he had his gun pointed to the side I had entered from (of the island), so I came out around the opposite side. He had expected this and the first thing I see as I scoot out from the side of the island is his gun pointed directly at me resting on the back of the couch. He had one eye closed lining it up with my head. I shot three bullet before he pulled his trigger. They all miss. He fires his gun (it was as if he had waited that extra moment just to see if I were capable of killing him) and it strikes me in the face. I feel the blood wet my face first and then the cold of the air in the new orifice located around the upper right jaw/ just below the orbital. A small piercing pain was growing steadily, it hurt like hell. It was hot at cold at the same time. My ears rang and my heart sank as I know that this is the end of me. Time stands still for a moment and as it unfreezes my hand covers the hole and my legs stumble me back. My lower shoulder blades stop me against the sink counter. I slide down onto the floor and feel that metallic tasting fluid glide down my throat. My jaw gapes as I lean forward and a few pieces of crumbled teeth slip out and land in front of me. I see, but mostly just hear, the man shoot the rest of the team. They are all clean shots and my teamates die instantly. When he is done with them, he comes back over to me. He crouches down and rests on his heels. His gun hangs in his hand comfortably between his legs. He just sits there and watches me die slowly.

3 Dream Fragments for Dream Fragments 3

Dream Fragment 1
Something about mermaids. I don't remember anything else, but my first dream was about mermaids. I think I had special elemental powers in the dream.

Dream Fragment 2
I was apparently some sort of outlaw. I was in a car (don't know who's) and I forgot the person in the front seat. I had a lot of famous paintings and people were after me. Apparently I was arguing with the person in the front seat. I was trying to tell them to go to a museum, so I could bring the paintings there. I ended up taking refuge in a black castle with traps. Near the end of the dream I started to become lucid and saw a white spiral pattern with arms which were like a bent version of a corn plant stem silhouette. It was sort of blurry, so I tried to sharpen my vision. It ended up sharpening a little, but not as much as I'd like it to.

Dream Fragment 3
I was lucid for this dream. I was inside a house I used to live in. It was nighttime and the house was lit up with an orange hue. I spent a lot of time trying to maintain lucidity. I tried to remember what I wanted to do if I became lucid in a dream, but couldn't remember it. I ended just exploring the house. There was nothing special about the house. It was exactly the same as the one I used to live in. My mom was yelling at me at one point.

I took an elevator going down, but I almost missed pressing the (G) button. A guy entered. He looks big, overweight, and dark skinned (at least darker than me). He started moving his hands all over his body, making lewd sounds, while looking at me. I kindly told him to stop doing it. He retorted that he wasn't doing it for me, at the same time the elevator opened on a higher floor (33 or 34 although I was going to the ground floor), and a woman (office attire, wearing glasses) entered, so he said it's not like we are the only two people there. I told him we were. I was partially annoyed.

I eventually ended up in the lower ground floors and the maintenance room or something.

----

Notes:

- Slept at around 4 a.m. Woke up around 10:30 a.m.
- Was making green jokes the day before

The Capsule
I was at a family gathering and I was quite nervous. I was with my brother majority of the time, as I don't think Trev or Russ was there at the time. I think Dad was was there, and quite a few people were talking about something that triggered me to show them footage of a Hover Board. I try searching for it on the Internet, but I have trouble remembering what it was called. Eventually I find it. There were a few model names, one being septer. I was happy to find it. I found some good footage of someone using it. The footage was incredible. It showed someone going sky high, even rocketing to the ground at high speeds. It wouldn't hit the ground, but instead look to have a springing motion, catapulting back up to the sky.

I'm at Rita and Bruce's house. We're organizing a trip to somewhere via the hover board, except it isn't the hover board, it's some kind of small capsule. There's certain procedures while in flight, like unscrewing the bottom of he capsule and putting it back on. I was nervous about this, because we would be in space, where the pressure would be high, resulting in us being sucked out. I'm not sure who I was with at this point, but I think it's people I know.

I'm outside in a street. There is other people with those flying capsules. Im seeing a scene of someone riding one and losing control of it, resulting it what would seem to hurt the person. I see another scene of a similar incident, except this time it runs into someone. We have our capsule which is tiny now, it's designed as a red pickup truck. It's flown over the crowed of people. I begin to feel a sense of having a better capsule then everyone else. I feel that eyes will be tuned in on ours. It's flown over into a venue that's having a capsule festival or something. We land it on top of a roof. I find this absolutely hilarious, and so do some of the public. Out of no where a official I'm assuming, grabs the capsule and unscrews the power unit out of the bottom of it. It's put me on a bit of a downer. I see a replay of capsule trying to fly away at the last minute as he tries to grab it. He grabs it just in time, and has a relieved look on his face.

I walk into a room where I can see a lot of people sitting at a table. I spot the man that has our capsule and soon realize he is uploading the photos off of it. He says it'll take 20 mins to upload them. I check the time and it seems as if it will be longer.

Dream Fragment
I'm reading a text from Kayley, it's saying that she isn't coping the best at the moment. I figure it's got to do with Mich.

-Dream 1

Had a dream that I had a big brother. There was some chick there that he "respected" but wasn't dating or anything like that.

I think some chick got shot in the head or I got shot in the head.

--Notes
Going to get back in to the swing of things dream wise. I like the goals I have made for myself, this year.