lucid

My first lucid dream I remember was weird.
I was 4-7 years old.While I was walking with my mother, she met a friend of her and stopped to talk with her.
There was a tiger near us but nobody was frightened. I realized that I was dreamming and asked the tiger to eat me to prove my mum that I am dreamming . My mum didn't pay attention and it seemed like nobody cares about that the tiger is eating me . As the tiger was eating me I woke up .

At the first attempt i didn't mad the tea so I tried again last night.

While falling asleep in the middle of the night I'm thinking about mountains in dreams. That leads me to a dream in a mountain area. There is a red/green temple. I'm going to take a closer look. Some people there destroy the temple. They are Nazis, or they destroy it because of the Nazis. I become lucid and remember the TOTM. I see a restaurant and go there to make a tea. Inside is only an old man sitting at a table. I take a glass and fill it with hot tap water. Close to the tap is a shelf where I'm looking for tea. I only find a juniper berry and put it in my glass. The berry transforms into a dried chili. Then I see some thyme and lavender. I mix everything in the glass. The old man throws more chili in the glass. I stop him and drink it. It's almost cold and has a very weak taste. I'm leaving the restaurant.
I'm in a mountains area. Most of them look like a mountain where I live. I fly to the highest one, which is behind me.On the top is a big house in surrounded by trees and some bush with yellow flowers. The mountain top changes into a little planet by night. The stars are very bright. I can see only one cloud. It has a huge shoe imprint. The grip looks like lava. I decide to call a dragon, to see if I can do the TOTY (I know that I can do only one task at once). A tiny dragon appears. I try to make it bigger but that doesn't work. I call a bigger one. This one has the sizes of a car. I sit on it. A friend of my comes and sit in front of me. We fly together and land at a castle. Then I lose lucidity and hunt spiders.

I'm in a Forrest, surrounded by huge trees. I cut down some bark, to make a jacket. Then I walk to my old school. A woman drives to me on a bike. She tells me something of a ritual. I realize that it is a dream, but still follow the dream story. I see a market and ask a woman to make me a jacket out of the bark. Then I remember the TOTM. I see a thermos jug at one of the stalls. When I open it a cup appeared. The tea tastes fruity and has a purple color. It's hot but good to drink. There is a bay taste and in the cup appears a bay leaf. Then I leave the market to find a skateboard.

So after a lot of reading up on the subject I've decided to get into the wonderful world of lucid dreams.

I'm beyond excited

Just a little background... I have had a number of Lucid Dreams in the past, but I never really understood them. After doing some reading and lurking on the forums, I've decided to take it to the next level(I don't know why anyone wouldn't )

With that being said welcome to my first dream journal. I plan to update daily for anyone who's interested in a first timers experience.

With that said, peace and love to all of you... and happy dreams.

As I was falling asleep last night, at one point I became aware that I was just below the waking threshold and was able to take some control over the hypnagogic imagery. I wanted to try a TOTY and decided to attempt sledding again. I figured my problem last time was that I had gotten fixated on looking for a mountain to sled down... wouldn't it be more sensible to establish that I was on the mountain to start with? Then all I would have to do is go downhill. And find snow, of course.

I successfully turned the hypnagogic imagery into a scene of sliding down a mountain slope. Initially it felt more like imagining than dreaming, in part because I was not yet fully embodied in the scene, only seeing it in my mind's eye. But already it was manifesting some of the ornery characteristics of dream and resisting my attempts to imagine snow, so I was sliding over bare earth. I let the scene play along and pretty soon I started to feel physical sensations: the bumps along the ground (I thought wistfully how snow would smooth out the ride!) and the surprisingly realistic smack of low hanging leaves against my face as I passed under trees. I was on a round metal saucer sled, barely big enough to seat me, but by concentrating I could prevent it from spinning out of control (unlike the similar sled I have in WL!)

Before long it started to feel like a real dream with physical embodiment, but I was still lucid enough that I was not concerned when my sled went over a steep embankment and into freefall: I just applied some mental "brakes" and came down gently, landing in the yard of someone's farm. The farmer was there, so I realized this would be a perfect opportunity to coax some snow into existence.

"Can you believe the weather we're having?" I asked the farmer. "Such thick snow! Hey, where is the snow the deepest?" I tried to make my tone convincing, despite the fact that there was still no snow in sight. Apparently this worked, because the farmer pointed into the distance, and when I sledded off in that direction, soon I was surrounded by snow everywhere!

I was back in the mountain forest, but there was a slight problem. I looked around and saw no way down but steep rocky cliffs, rather than slopes that looked suitable for sledding. I figured I should just pick a cliff and sled off it anyway, since freefalling posed no real danger. But at that moment, for no good reason, I felt a subtle pang of anxiety about completing the task, and this woke me up.

Dreams are a wonderful laboratory for discovering all the ways that our own minds can get in the way of our intentions!

Morning of March 10, 2017. Friday.



I am swimming under the ocean (and I can breathe underwater as in many previous dreams since early childhood). I am near the ocean bottom. The imagery is beautiful. A shark swims toward me but turns and swims to my left as we move past each other and I am not threatened or even acknowledged in any way. There are other fish, including sharks, here and there.

I soon notice a submerged bus on the ocean floor. It appears to be empty but I decide to explore. Eventually, covering the bus, is what I assume to be long equidistant strands of some sort of seaweed, and yet oddly, it looks more like green Christmas tinsel garlands arranged vertically around the perimeter of the bus, each about a foot apart. They sway with the ocean current and actually seem to “reach out” at times. They establish a sense of joy though I remain puzzled about this seeming setting distortion.

Curiously, my dream temporarily becomes a dream within a dream, of viewing sparkling Christmas ornaments and swaying garlands. I seem to circle intricately decorated Christmas trees and look deep within their branches and feel intense joy. Soon though, I am back under the ocean in the original setting.

I swim into the bus through the open doors at the front right side. The driver’s seat is empty and it looks like the whole bus may be empty. I swim towards the back. I notice a human body (female) wrapped up in transparent plastic, in a middle seat on the right, wrapped with a cord around the middle. For a short time, a potential (flight symbol) waking prompt distorts the scene and the inside of the bus seems more like the inside of an airplane where men would line up on each side to be ready to parachute (and all the singular one-person seats face outwards now instead of towards the front of the bus). I try to focus more and the bus temporarily becomes a separating construct of giant ribs after an impression of thin white splitting plastic, pieces of the seats floating outwards and upwards. However, I am soon back in the original setting.

I look at the girl’s face through the plastic. She is unfamiliar but alive. Her eyes glow brightly as she smiles. There is something I do with my mind that I do not recall ever doing before (which also occurred in another dream of this date). I think it has something to do with a dream of May 18, 2015 (“Unusual Bird”), except in that dream, I was watching the event happening to someone else from a distance. It has something to do with deliberately superimposing the essence of your face onto a dream character’s face (almost like forcing a three-dimensional “mirror” around the person’s head, yet internally and externally at the same time). There is an extraordinary sensation and skewed awareness that cannot be accurately described. (I also get a vague impression that this may be the supposed “new” entity or “contact” from a few other dreams.)

For a moment, her head becomes that of a shark (though somewhat anthropomorphic as it looks directly outward from the otherwise vertical body), but changes back, seemingly implying a playful sense to demonstrate an ability to quickly change. I carry her out of the bus (though still with the plastic around her) and swim up to an underwater cliff. Perhaps she is a shark but I still think she should be rescued. I carry her over my left shoulder as I swim.

From here, there is intense and vivid fractal imagery which flashes and turns. I am still seemingly underwater though and continue to “swim” through the surreal patterns. I also see flashing Mandelbrot patterns.

I watch an orange octopus (which seems ambiguously entwined within the spiraling fractal imagery for a time). There is more than one at times. Looking from underneath the octopus at one point, I get the impression of a billowing and waving skirt, which temporary becomes such an image for a short time. The octopus imagery is very detailed and correct at first. However, there is one point where I see an “octopus” that seems to have virtually endless tentacles. It sits on the cliff.

My dream shifts into more fractal images and impressions of the shiny patterns inside oyster shells.

As I wake, I experience the most unusual hypnic jerk I have ever had. It feels like numerous small tendrils of electricity grabbing my foot and lower leg and lifting it up. My entire leg moves upward as I wake before it drops back onto our bed. (I had been sleeping in a position where part of my right side and much of my stomach is on the mattress.) Typically, hypnic jerks and other waking muscle movement (other than my nightly back spasm) are not this sustained (though my leg usually does jump a bit) and I do not recall feeling individual tendrils of energy “grabbing me” or “attempting to lift me” like this before. It was very strange and interesting…and something new and appreciated (regardless of it being somewhat startling, although because the effect is similar to a dream I had in America where the energy of Zsuzsanna’s essence was fully felt upon me, it did seem external - though I am not sure of the source - if it was Zsuzsanna, who was sleeping near me at the time, I do not recall her “sending” this way before).

---

Okay so the dream started out as me in a high school bus, I was sitting in the middle of the bus, sort of standing and sitting at the same time. I knew we were on a field trip even though no one told me, so the bus kept going down this dirt road. I looked out the windows and saw tropical everywhere; we were on a massive island. The bus kept driving down the dirt road until it turned to the left and we saw the beach, everyone including me was in awe. The bus driver then looked at all of us and told us to get off but in a nice way. I stood up and left, my bare feet hitting the soft sand below. The sand was so white it looked like snow. I was so happy and thrilled to be here, I don’t know why but I felt like this was my home. I was so happy that I decided to run down the beach, which I did, and jumped into the water. I started giggling and splashing water at people, soon my classmates joined in. Some of my friends started splashing water on me too. It was almost as if someone suddenly turned on music because I literally heard music in the background but didn’t see any devices. That was when I suddenly thought about my crush, which I usually do in my dreams, and walked back to the sand. I started asking my classmates and other people if they’ve seen her, let’s call her Julie, anyway they all said no. That went on until I came across my best friend and they said that she was around here but further down the beach. This was when I started to become really lucid so I thought about flying and I so I did. I flew further down the beach but still couldn’t find her; I gave up and went back to the crowded beach but when I returned everyone was gone. I checked the time and realized that I missed the bus back home; I became really depressed and started walking down the beach by myself until I encountered a middle-aged woman who was cleaning up the beach. She asked me what was wrong and I told her that I missed my bus back home and that I couldn’t find my crush. The lady just laughed at me and pointed up the hills of the island, she told me to go there and that I could stay there. I said sure because I had nowhere to go and so I flew to the hills and found thousands of houses, I chose a random house and stayed there until I realized that it was a restaurant. A waitress went to my table and asked me if I wanted anything, I told her that I wanted some soup. She went into the kitchen and came back two seconds later with a bowl of soup in her hands, roller skating back to me. I started eating my soup which tasted like nothing (btw I hate eating food in my dreams because they taste like nothing). I don’t know why but I was really angry for some reason so I flew out of the restaurant and to my surprise was still in the same dream, still at the island. That was when I flew to the ledge of the restaurant which showed the whole island (btw it was beautiful to see the whole island from that high up). This was when I was about to fly off the ledge when the same middle aged woman came behind me telling me to not fly away. I didn’t listen to her and instead fell off the ledge which made me wake up.

Same nite as Grow yourself big to reach the moon attempt before the WBTB. http://www.dreamviews.com/blogs/gab/

So after the alarm woke me up at 4 am, I stayed up for a WBTB

WBTB 4am-5:30am (I was so stoked from a random lucid, that I couldn't sleep sooner. Plus, that is my usual waking time so I had to fight my body's urge to "wake up for the day" and stay in the sleepy mode.)

I already took 2x300 Alpha GPC at 3 am, but I felt like I used that up for that random lucid, and since my WBTB was so long, I took another 600.

5:30am
- 2x300 Alpha GPC
- 2x4 Galantamine

Sofa at 5:30 am
Woke up from lucids at 7:52

I estimate lucid was about 60 min long, maybe bit longer. I could tell the extra choline made a difference. I was getting headrush and entering lucids at much faster pace than normally, and the headrush was very intense.

I don't remember much details, since there were no breaks in lucidity when I could retell my lucids to myself. And I slept more after I wrote down a few keywords.

Ok, so there was a TON of sex in this one. It was happening with some invisible entity, for a long time. But there was some problem, he may have forgotten to take my pants off. Then bunch of other scenarios with chicks and dudes.

After much walking and exploring, I remembered the TOTM Make a cup of tea and report how it tastes"

I start looking for some place to make the tea. I see some fire on some snow covered ground. I decide to go closer and use it. Hoping to see people there who will have cups and stuff. But there are 2 dogs by the fire. Another fire is nearby and I see a cat by it. I come closer and as I'm wishing for it to be a fox, it turns into a fox. He is not very friendly, starts to chase me away. Needles to say, he didn't have any cups : D

I come to a market place and I search the stalls. There are some glass colored tea cups on one of them, with some liquid in them. I ask "is this hot water"? Vendor says no, it's tea. Well, that's not what I need. I grab one cup, dump the liquid from it and I ask the vendor to put a bag of tea in it. She is putting some in her cup as well, but it's not a bag, it's lose tea. I'm ok with that and she sprinkles some in my cup. There is a pot with semi hot water and I pour that in my cup. I hope I don't burn myself when I taste it. It taste like rose-hip tea. Kinda mild flavor, but very nice. Lukewarm, not hot at all.

After that I go for some more sx and slowly losing lucidity, until some long dream in singapore or other major asian metropolis, in a hotel with my brother and his wife. Not sexual haha, we were just there.

Did some flying, didn't see much, looking at hands to make it more clear, didn't really work.

Last night bed 10 pm - 3am

3 am - 2x300 GPC

set my alarm to 4 am for a WBTB

LUCID before WBTB and galantamine

The alarm woke me up from a lucid. I just had to giggle as I had no idea why the alarm is beeping since I'm in a lucid already and it was awesome.

LUCID - TOTM bonus - Grow Big - didn't finish it coz alarm

I don't know how I realized I'm dreaming. But I start walking through some rooms. They are well lit, but no exit. Looking through medial cabinets to find a flashlight and maybe something to open the locks with. Finally there is a window. I get out.

Walking on a street, trying to remember the TOTM, but I didn't read them yet, because I didnt do the WBTB yet. I see a beautiful cat. Long hair, stripes of brown and black, white socks. It's playing with a tennis ball size ball of same color as he is. I rejoice, yeey, a cat in my dream! I start calling it and as I'm getting closer, I realize that the ball is another cat, perfectly round ball, with a face on it, blinking at me. Haha.

I'm still walking but now there are buildings on both sides of me. Now I remember one of the TOTMs - Grow yourself big, above the clouds, step on the moon.

I look up, but buildings have overhanging roofs, so I keep walking till I see the skies. Looks like buildings are trying to close in to take the access away from me, but I'm having none of it. I think "grow big" and I'm starting to grow.

I'm past the roofs now and the view I get is INCREDIBLY beautiful. I see distant rolling hills, rocky, orange soil, like in american southwest. I see an Arch, and another one, much bigger one closer to me. They are incredible. They skies are getting dark, clouds are gathering. I see wind turbulences on the bottom of clouds, wind whipping them like mad. Wind is picking up, now it's getting strong and I see pine trees getting bent and branches flying off. All this time I'm saying 'Keep on growing". And I'm growing.

Now I have reached the clouds. It's dark grey in there and warm. I realize that's how it's suppose to be. I see small particles flying by. I realize that usually when flying high up, that's where I lose lucidity, because I lose view of the dream scene. So I figure quickly, I will have to look at my hands to not lose reference as to what I'm doing. I keep saying "keep on growing" when my alarm wakes me.

Good day!

I am new to this forum, I have had a couple series of dreams for the past few months now and I am struggling to fall asleep.

Ok let me first give you background of myself.

I am currently 23 years old living in South Africa, I work for a transportation company and I have recently moved from JHB to Durban with the company, I am living with my girlfriend (19).

These dreams repeat themselves.

Ok let’s start.

1. I have a dream where I am walking home from a shop and I see people casing after me, as soon as I want to start running it’s like my body doesn't want to move and I am stuck in slow motion, it feels like this goes on for approx. 10mins, eventually I will be caught up to and they would pull a gun on me, i would be screaming but nothing would come out, once the bullet hits my head I can feel a sharp pain and everything goes fuzzy and I wake up crying.

2. I have a dream where I stand on the twin towers (No idea why that building), I stand at the edge and I keep looking down I hear a voice calling me and I jump off the building, this dream has two versions, I either hit the ground and then I wake up in bed short of breath, or I Hit the ground and I’m kind of paralyzed but I can scream, I lay there screaming in pain and people walk past like they don't see me, eventually I can feel the pain becoming too much and I wake up.

3. I have a dream where I dive into a pool, as I dive in everything is ok, as soon as I open my eyes in the water I can’t seem to find the top or bottom of the pool and it’s like I’m in the middle of the ocean with just water around me, I keep on struggling and I can feel I’m struggling to breath, my head starts paining, just before I drown completely I wake up

4. I have a dream where I am in my bedroom sleeping, I wake up in my dream and it is dead quite, the walls all turn into like clay and they start caving in on me from all four sides, I try to run through the house to escape but the one door doesn't want to open, all the walls start slowly pushing up against me and I wake up.

5. I have a dream (This one is very weird and seems to happen a lot), I wake up as normal in my dream and go about, I am surprisingly very happy, I get undressed to get into the shower but I notice I have boobs... it’s like it’s weird for me to know I am another gender but in my dream I go on as if I was born a female, I shower and get ready, I wear jeans, a nice pair of boots, a long sleeve jersey and I do my makeup and hair, I go out and I meet up with friends ( I have never met them in real life) basically the day goes by and I go to bed and sleep, when I go to sleep is when I will wake up in real life.

6. I have a dream where I am walking and I get called to a side by a man and lady, they welcome me into their home and they then tie me up, the come out with jars of various body parts, They then inject me with something and I can’t feel anything, they start cutting me up and sewing new ears and lips an changing my hair and basically turning me into someone else, at the end I heal up very fast but before I can see what I look like I wake up, Another version they have changed my gender, I am released and no one knows me but at the end I feel happy and start a new life.

7. This one I am at a part on a double story building, kind of falls in place with the twin towers, I stand on a balcony and I get pushed over, I fall down and I can’t move in pain, people would laugh and keep on moving stepping on me as they walk.

8. I have a dream where I am meeting up with my girlfriend at a festival, I see her in the distance with another guy, when I get closer she won’t talk to me and leaves with the guy and continues like I’m crazy and she’s not doing anything wrong, she kisses him in front of me and I’m left heartbroken.

9. I dream I am sleeping but my spirit is hovering over my body, I start walking around as a Ghost, I end up in a girl’s room, she is also hovering over her body, she sees me and we start talking when she has the Idea that we change bodies for a day, I let her follow me to my body and she falls in, when I get to her body I try to fall in and take over but it doesn’t want to work, another version I get it right and as soon as I hit in her body I wake up.

These are all repeating dreams over and over, some I have had for a few years and some a few months, these are the only dreams I know of.

I know it’s very weird but I need someone to try tell me what these mean.

Thanks in advance

In my dreams last night, my mind crafted for me a perfect tragedy. I will recite it now.

It begins with a simple thing. I am going to university, and it is my first day on campus. I am moving into my new dorm room. It's on the ground floor of a nice building I've never seen before, but as I'm bringing my bags in I realise that I am on a floor that is filled to the brim with pretty ghetto dudes, like my childhood neighbourhood. I have no problem with it as long as I stay unharmed. I get my bags and head to my room, not sure of what to expect. On the way down the hall, however, one guy starts paging me, asking me to give him my knife. This is because before going to bed I was thinking about the rap battle on Hollywood boulevard I had when that guy asked for my sunglasses.

I gave him the knife so he'd leave me alone and went about unpacking. The first day we had off, so I went to the movies. The theatre was full of people playing this iPhone app that was all about sex and crime and loaning money and making money. I'd never seen it before but it was like the next Pokemon go. Just as the movie started, some hoodlums went backstage and started screwing around with the operation, so they shut the movie off. I was hitting on the mum next to me but she had her sons with her and she had to keep it tame. After 5 minutes I just gave up on the film and left. I was going back to my room when I realised something. This app was more than a game, it used real world money and pretty much encouraged actual crimes to take place to offset the virtual ones made. As I walked down the hall the guy who took my pocket knife was begging another guy for a 3% loan. The dude shook him off, so he started following me along with another dude. They started yelling about how hard their fathers worked to get the money for them to attend this school. They told me to give them my easy money. I told them to kindly fuck off and make their own. They grabbed me and pulled knives. Somehow, in slow motion, I grabbed my knife from the guy then grabbed the other one, and stabbed them both to death while they held me tight. The knives moved in and out easily, and their grips slowly faded as they fell to the floor. What the fuck. I'm so fucked. I just killed two guys. I go to my room and call campus police, tell them I was being mugged and had to kill them. "Sounds like a likely story, two young black men attack you and you defend yourself, eh? You sure that's what happened there, son?" Fuck that guy. I'm no racist and I'm not about to go down for it. I flag down the officers he calls in, explain it to them every step of the way, and get the fuck out of there.

Then the story changes. Somewhere along the road after that incident, I bumped into Anna Kendrick. I saw her in a movie last night and was thinking about her a lot before bed, and here she was. I thought she'd be a huge diva in person, but this version of her was just so sweet and amazing. Like a movie character. And suddenly it was my life. I pulled off some grandiose romancing and managed to get the girl. She and I fit together like two peas in a pod, but more than anything she was just so beautiful I couldn't look away. After some time, we retired to my room. Passionately kissing her, we slowly disrobed, and I entered her.

And then I went soft.

For a man, this is pretty much one of the worst things that can happen. The anxiety that it causes pretty much secures the fact that you will not be recovering from this. She starts to blame herself, stating she isn't pretty enough, she isn't doing the right thing. I am just losing my mind. I'm still kissing her all over and generally enjoying having this absolute unicorn in my arms but I can also feel everything falling apart. We try and try, and we go to a hot tub and we try in there. Nothing. Finally, I say that I'll take the old man pill, and I know I have a couple left from when I did ecstasy and my guy gave me some as a 'backup'. I pull it out, pop one, and now I know we need to kill 30 minutes. A man comes from out of nowhere asking what I just did to the water, I try to explain it was a medication that I took but he thinks I poisoned the water, so we get out. We have lots of time anyway.

As soon as we get out of the hot tub, with the timing of a Shakespearean death, everything changes. Out of absolutely nowhere comes Javier Bardem. Before he speaks I know that something massive is about to happen and I can already feel the heartbreak. He approaches me as if he knows me. As if everybody knows me. I nod back to him, and he smiles. "Mr Bingus. Your work here has become most groundbreaking, and it has not been ignored by those in power. I have a proposition for you."

I know this feeling in my gut. Anna has her arm around me. She is shaken, confused, she just wants to go back to my room and feel loved, like it isn't her fault. I owe her this so much. I think to myself VERY clearly,
"No matter what he says, ignore it and go back with her. She is what matters. I am self-aware of this right now, and I will not allow this turn to ruin everything when I am so close to happiness."

Javier goes on to outline what it is he's offering me.
He tells me it will pay 2 million dollars.
Anna is very rich and money is no reason to leave her.
He explains that I will have a leading role in this.
Anna is my leading lady, I will be fine with just her.
He tells me there is a new research project opening up across the country, where all of the bright young minds in the nation are gathered together, living under one roof. And this is where I am to go.
It couldn't hurt to see what he's talking about. It sounds boring, and it might impress her. I agree to go see this place.

When we get there, it is basically everything I was not expecting. The first thing we see as we enter a classic old ratty residence is a room full of kids my age, all hanging out and playing music, exchanging scientific ideas. The ultimate creative session. Something I've never had. We walk further down the hallway and see art on the walls from the students. Very cool, I think. Then, at the end of the hall, I hear a familiar voice. And the voice pops its head around the doorframe. It's Anna. Anna M, from my actual life. The prettiest girl I know. She smiles, excited, and pulls me into the room.

"Check it out!"
"You're living here too?" I ask. I look around the room and Jessica is here too. And I can see other girls bags.
"Yep! And we're all rooming together. We're the film kids of this operation, and we're going to make a documentary about the amazing things that will happen here. And you've been chosen to direct it. We're your crew!" She gives me a big smile.

She hasn't seen Anna Kendrick yet. She's being very warm with me. I think to myself, how could this possibly get any better. A room of beautiful girls who will work under me, a whole community of the best of my generation. Against one girl. Then, as if god wanted to rub it further in my face, I look outside. Mustangs. Scooby vans. VW campers. It's the fucking 70's. This fucking town, for some reason, is still the 70's. That is why everything is so old here, the clothes so cool and the dorms so old school.
I look back at Anna Kendrick, who's in the room now, giving me this look like "Am I still worth it?" Her soul is being crushed. I am at such an extreme level of elation that I say the worst thing I've ever said to somebody.

"You know Anna when he came to the school to see me, I thought to myself, 'How could he possibly offer me something that would make me want to leave you?' Well, It's the 70s out there." I climbed out the window, jumped down to the road, and started checking out the cars. I want to start talking all about them with her, but before I even looked in the window I knew I'd made a huge mistake. I turned back and just started running.

I ran all the way back to my dorm, which I thought was across the country. I sprint down the hallways, around the corner and slam into the wall next to my door. I listen carefully and I can hear bags being packed. I open the door slowly, and she's right there. Immediately she starts to cry. I rush towards her, her hands coming up and her head shaking, thinking I would try a romantic kiss or something. Instead, I just hug her, hold her tighter than anyone in my life and just tell her how much I love her. How much I miss her and need her in my life. As we embrace, both crying, she says "I knew you would choose me over that shitty place." She breaks off and smiles, looking me deep in the eyes. Deep in my soul. She wants to kiss me. But this moment is empty. The moment she said that I knew in my heart of hearts that I could not choose her over what would certainly be the best time of my life. Her face starts to melt. I enter a powerful internal dialogue.

"She is convinced. She thinks my reality aligns with hers. I am drowning her, pissing on her soul. Pissing in her face."
As I say this, I see myself drag her unconscious body to the bathroom, drop her limp head in the toilet bowl and begin peeing on her face. This is the most fucked up, disrespectful thing I've ever done. And I'm not even in control.

"She is somewhere on the scale between love and devotion, and I have just come back, only to mix her a most powerful poison dart. Surely, this will kill her."
I slam the lid on her neck. Crush of bones.

I snap out of this freakish nightmare. I am still holding her. I can feel her heartbeat.
"Of course, Anna. Now I'm very tired. Let's go to bed."

#504 - DILD - 3:20AM

V is at my house. He's afraid of something. He mentions something about holding a lot of drugs. I ask about a certain purchase but he becomes more agitated and says he can't sell or get rid of the drugs because they will get him. I let the subject go.

For some reason we lay down to sleep on the floor and he's way too close to for my liking. I feel like all of this is very odd and I almost start wondering if I am dreaming, but I hear an alarm clock. I get up and have some confusion about the time and stress that we need to hurry because we will be late for work. Some random woman gets up from the other side of V and gives me a friendly, but timid smile. I wonder who she is, but become distracted again when my mother approaches me, wearing a Starbuck's apron. She looks thinner and way younger. Something still feels off, but I don't have time to think it through.

She gets in close and says, "You know, your brother is a douche-bag." This is way out of character for her and I feel confusion. All I can say is, "Yeah".
I don't say it but I think, "we're all douche;bags; It runs in the family, mom."
She turns away to a table with customers. I look around and see that I am in some diner or, apparently, coffee shop. My brother's wife is behind a counter and looks annoyed. I figure she must have heard what my mom said. Then, I see my brother taking a tray of coffees to a table of waiting customers across the room. I ask my mom why they are working here. She say's my brother has (something) illness.
I ask, "So, he just moved and started working here? Why!?"
Mom replies something, but I don't quite hear her. I am still trying comprehend the idea of my brother and his wife quitting their careers, moving halfway across the U.S., and taking up working at Starbucks over some mysterious illness to even listen to an explanation.

Ok I have got to be dreaming. I do a nose plug as I turn to look back at my mom and blow clean through. YES! As I take my hand from my nose, I feel something like a cat rubbing the back of my right leg. I look, but there is no cat. In fact my foot is wedged right in V's naked crotch! I look up at him and we are in some bathroom. Luckily, V is clothed in a very thick layer of soap bubbles. We share a moment of him squeezing my foot into his crotch with his thighs while flexing both arms, smiling at me. I shout, "WHOA! OK NOW! THIS IS TOO MUCH! I AM OUT OF HERE!" Being lucid I know I can just walk right out of this situation and not look back and that's exactly what I did.

As I enter the next room, I remember that I have been wanting to do some LD swordplay. The room is full of junk and I rummage around a bit, but my search is fruitless. I decide to blind summon a sword from around a large cardboard box, but only pull out a rubber bicycle grip. I decide to search the walls and something with a gold handle catches my eye; a sword. Nope, too swords. As I get close I notice they are way too tiny for me to have any fun. So, I decide to fake it. I take a sword, slap it on my left side, and draw it out with expectation of a full sized sword. Nope. It looks more like a letter opener than a sword. Out of ideas, I wonder into another room, but the dream quickly fades away.

Had another lucid dream this morning. My sense of touch shifted into the dream world before sight did. I knew I was in a dream when I could feel my way out of my bed as if it were an out-of-body experience. Seriously, in the beginning stage of the dream, I could feel my body start to shift. As I was standing next to my bed in total darkness, I tried to visualize to get some sight going. Got it working. Of course, like most of my previous WILDs, they start with me exiting my bedroom, down the hallway, through the hallway and out the front door into the street. The sky was overcast. I think I tried reading the stove clock before leaving. Naturally, it was blurry and distorted in the dream world.


Found Naomi, the dream character. Sadly, I don't have any better dream tasks to do other than search for this particular dream character over and over again. Why? I lack stability and dream control so I try to reach for low hanging fruit.

The mindfulness tweak I did was simply visualize the space outside of my head as if I was looking through my eyelids while also snapping my awareness to the present moment. I am trying to figure why I can only WILD after a 20-30 minute WBTB using mindfulness and not directly after waking up in the middle of the night as part of a DEILD. They were vivid non-lucid dreams, though.

Remember seeing strands of color. Then after some time it was like I was remembering being at a party when I was younger. I think it was a wedding party for a family member. I might have been lucid in a second dream. I'm excited to keep paying attention to my hypnogogic imagery and lucid dream. I was really motivated to lucid dream last night also.

Heck yeah. Did a mindfulness meditation and got a short lucid dream. Woke up and tried to get back into the dream. Had vivid non-lucid dreams afterwards about playing bass guitar and hanging out at a mansion with Drake. Saw some old friends as we rode buses around the city. Tried to work on my car. Was also hanging out with some co-workers.