non-lucid

3 nights and only a flash of a fragment about Jamie...

Can't recall the first night. During the day The Jesus voice indicate that Jamie was getting into something that she shouldn't. The biggest hint is that she was looking at things she shouldn't (IYKYK. I've had struggles with that as well... from time to time).

Lucid but no cigar

I was in a building with some people. couches in a corner. I became lucid but the dream started blacking out. I held on somehow. I said I wanted to go to Jamie's dream. I wound up in a psychedelic tunnel space. I kept floating through it trying to find Jamie. One tunnel just led to another of different colors. I went through 3 or so. Then my memory fades. Kinda felt like I was stuck in the Dr. Who title screen if you know what I mean.

What?

A dream where Kurt Cobain was in the black space. He had a guitar and was strumming it. He sang, "A lemonade alright, No Chick-Fil_A sauce." In a sing song voice. He looked pissed off that he was singing it and walked away.

Funny. I really hope that doesn't get stuck in my head again.

Flash

A flash of Jamie naked with some woman...

Um okay. I really wish I would stop dreaming about that.

I had trouble with the Jamie voice this morning. She said she was stupid? I asked what it was about. I had 4 different Jamie voices give me 4 different answers... I was like, "Well, whatever you did. I'm not finding you in dreams lately and right now the continuity of hearing your voice is breaking down. So maybe give it a rest." Literally hasn't been that bad in months. (I'm not all blaming the lack of dreams on her. I have a tough time recalling things sometimes. It's also very hard to dream about the same thing continuously for such a long time. Might be why I keep seeing Jamie as different people, but I can tell who she is by her behavior) Her voice seemed down today, almost guilty or regretful. I did some early prayers already because she asked.

I’m driving to a grocery store with my mother. Not clear what the context is, as the environment seems entirely unfamiliar. I park the car, and in response to something my mother said, I get her a black cardigan (maybe the wrong name for it - I never know what to call articles of clothing….) that just seems to be kicking around somewhere in the backseat so that she won’t be cold inside. We go in.

We are immediately confronted by almost bare shelves. Uh-oh. Maybe this wasn’t the best day to come here. We might have trouble finding what we’re looking for today. But most of the store isn’t quite that bad.

At some point, we split up. The store seems to be divided into distinct sections, with different kinds of food in each, and I walk through a couple of them before I hear something strange. There’s music playing, but the melody is just one note, played in a rhythm over the changing chords. I see where it’s coming from: it’s something like an arcade game, although it seems to be specifically set up for music creation. Beside it are two women. One is a frail-looking older woman, who I think was in a wheelchair, and the other looks like she may be some kind of medical attendant. She’s the one who’s tapping out the single note over what I gather the older woman has made on the machine, apparently to help out in some way.

How I can tactfully step in and take over, since the attendant obviously has no idea what she’s doing? I can already imagine the melody I’d improvise - a simple one that keeps the rhythm she’s tapping out, but with a better fitting, musical shape. I wake up and immediately record what I remember:



(I put chord indications in, but I’m actually not 100% sure of anything except the cadence. For the rest, I just picked out the simplest chords that would match what I remember of where the repeated note was clashing and what I intended to do to fix it. It’s not all that interesting of a musical fragment, but the simplicity did make it relatively easy to transcribe after awakening.)

16.12.24

I seem to be visiting my parents - maybe over the holidays or something like that. The dream is set late at night, in what is maybe supposed to be their house. It’s a condo that seems very beige and nondescript to the point of not really looking like a place where people live. More like a hotel room or something.

On this day every year, on which everything always happens exactly the same, I can see into the future. It’s all just there for me - the memories of how things will go. I try talking to them about it, my mother in particular, but although it doesn’t seem as if she actively disbelieves what I’m saying, it’s clear that she hasn’t really absorbed it, or considered the implications in any depth. I was talking to my father at some point, too - about being able to see the bad things that will happen to him, and to me as well, but already knowing saying it isn’t actually going to lead to anything. This apparently relates to dreams in a way that’s no longer clear - I actually use the phrase, “this dream I’m having right now” - although, somehow, I manage to do so without it triggering lucidity.

Later in the night, in another dream, I’m in what’s supposed to be my room. I’m digitizing a record - “Tomorrow Never Knows,” by the Beatles. The screen is on some kind of high shelf - too high up for me to be able to read it easily, which I find kind of annoying.

Partway through, my uncle comes in - maybe my uncle. It kind of seems like he’s my father in the dream, or some kind of half-invented composite figure. A number of people follow him in - seven or eight of them. They are apparently family, but also people I haven’t known for long, as if they’re in-laws or something of the sort. They are mostly male, and younger - the exception being the eldest of them, a teenage girl who comes in holding a small child.

My uncle apparently had something to tell me, and leaves after saying it. I’m surprised he didn’t take any notice of the device I have set up. It was his, after all - he just gave it to me because he wasn’t doing anything with it. The others all stick around, though, as if they’re curious and just don’t have anything better to do than watch what I’m doing.

9.12.24

Last night had lots of dreams. not sure if I'm remembering them all. New Dexter series on paramount+ . Loved the first episode, Use to watch the Original with my cousin who passed a few years ago.

Jamie 1

An HH flash of me walking in bowden at night. Jamie drives past me while looking at me. She smiles.

The voice get's all excited when I woke up. "I saw you." She said. Note: when I see her in a Real life "Drive by." Her voice will often say, "I saw you!"

Jamie 2

Another HH flash We're in the plack space. Jamie brings me a box of doughnuts.

Yup. I agree. Best way to keep me from getting Hangry and splitting is to brings snacks. (No dried fruit or anything. Pure chocolate and sugar junk is good.)

Wrong girlfriend

I walked past Jessica in a dream. for some reason I thought she was Jamie. I acted all friendly but the girl wasn't having it. She said something like, "I didn't do anything with you because you didn't take any initiative."

I woke up and asked the Jamie voice about the dream. She said that wasn't her in the dream. As for the initiative thing, we've already covered that - I'm just dense, and can't tell if any flirting is serious or not, leaving me to usually shrug any hints off or miss them altogether. Direct approach is what works best on me.

Jamie confusion?

I was in a flying car... might have been semi lucid at one point. I had a phone or tablet display in the middle of the dashboard. It was a message from Jamie? but it said: Joanne. I landed at the house. got out. A girl that looked like Jamie started kissing me. We started really getting into it... like really getting into it. In the back of my ming I couldn't get the name: Joanne out of my mind. I still wasn't sure if this was Jamie. The Jamie voice in my head said, "Robert..." as if to ask WTF I was doing. We kept kissing.

I checked with the voice when awake. Apperently Jamie remembered kissing too. Not sure what happened there.

Driving

A dream where I was driving a motorbike in calgary. My brother was there or something. I went to Crowchild, but it was these big hills... and it was snowing. I was really nervous to drive it.

Dec 12

Before getting into the dreams I'll note that I woke up with the intention of doing SSILD, but fell asleep way too fast. I seem to be falling asleep much easier these days, so I should probably increase the time I spend awake during WBTB. The day before I regularly preformed RC's, but they were short ones since I was low on energy.

💤- Multiple Video Game based dreams. The first I remember was Minecraft. I spawned in a forested area near a tent-like structure. I remember after looking around a bit I tried showing arrows at this alien thing with long limbs. It was tall and orange. After running out of arrows, I hit it until it died. Just the the spaceship thing it was on started to chase me. It looked like a golden blocky head with a turkey on top that controlled the direction of it. Once I was far enough from it that it couldn’t detect me, I walked around and marveled about how good the updates were since I’d last played. A structure I remember being in awe at was a giant igloo. I also thought that I felt much more immersed in this game than I normally did (probably since I was literally in the game). I eventually ended up going to a pirate ship and that’s where my memory ends.

💤 - I was walking around a carnival trying different stalls. Remember a dark purple colour that I believe was the colour of most of the stands and tents.

💤 - Another dream I remember was much more dungeon like. I remember going into different rooms through different passages in this giant maze-like building. At one point I ended up in this pond area that was closed off from the rest of the room with walls, and almost lost all my health because of a monster I almost couldn’t kill.

After that, I went through another passage to this dark room with multiple strange structures and objects in it. The first took up maybe a sixth of the room and was against a corner. It was a structure with two levels. The first was built up of two walls and a staircase that led to the second floor but nothing else. The second floor was open to the rest of the room, and had what looked like a tiny town on the railing surround the floor.

The next structure I looked at I don't remember well, but I walked up a ramp and slid something into place that made a big cube next to me start glowing.

The cube was a head or two taller than me and equally as wide. There was a doorway with jagged sides that allowed access into the inside of the cube. The whole thing glowed purpled, and two blue lines stood out on the outside of the cube. Upon closer inspection they looked line the beginning to lines in the app 'Flow Free', with a circle marking that start. I then noticed that the entire outside and inside were made of squares with line on them, and that I had to rotate these pieces so they continued the light blue lines until they reached their end point. At some point these switched form rotating pieces to puzzle pieces I could take apart and put back on.

Around this time I also head the voice of a mocking little girl. It filled be with a sense of unease, and upon searching for the sound I found it came from a black cat. I watched as it spoke to me, and a part of me knew it wasn't actually a cat.

When I solved a separate puzzle inside the cube, the little town that sat on the balcony began to glow, and I knew form a clue I saw earlier (I believe it was a picture of the same town that had one house with the lights on) that the next part of this puzzle room lay there. I unfortunately didn't get to continue, since I woke up by this point.

One last detail I found interesting was that everything in the room was a darkened gold colour, until it was activated as a puzzle and began to glow. the only exception to this was the purple and light blue of the cube.

Hardly any recall. The conversations with the voice seemed distant during the days. Mainly because I usually spend hours lost in things that occupy my full attention. The Jamie voice was complaining about it... I think... Today. Anyway we still seem to connect well at night. I haven't been waking up as much in the middle of the night. But at night time it's a normal routine of prayers and trying to sense one another in spirit.

I had a dream like vision that seemed like a microdream with Jamie in it. But I can't recall what it was about.

Jamie

I was somewhere. Maybe in a house. There was a woman there. The lighting wasn't great so I couldn't see her. She said she was my girlfriend. I said, that's impossible, I already have a girlfriend and her name is: Jamie.

The woman said that SHE is Jamie. And I was like Nuh-Uh. You don't look like Jamie. I have a picture of us right here. I look at the picture and I see a man with glasses.. but it's not me. His arm is around his girlfriend. She has Jamie's hair.. but not the same face. Also wearing glasses. I was about to tell the woman that it's the wrong picture... But I woke up.

I guess I'm still not seeing Jamie as herself... No wonder she doesn't show up as often... That must be frustrating.


What?

A random dream where I had to hold a giant white thing to fly around. I was trying to beat another guy with a flying thing... I couldn't fly certain areas because I kept running into powerlines? Um okay.

Hardly sensing Jamie at all in these dreams. I miss last February when it was multiple dreams per night.

Jamie 1

I was with Jamie in a fortnite game... Ugh. Just remember us by a bridge and talking.

Jamie 2

Just remember Jamie hanging with me and my brother? Not sure. We were walking through some woods and I saw shape of smoke in the form of an old lady. It was just frozen there. We went into a cave or something to retrieve something. When we got out. The smoke form was still there. It actually changed into an old lady who looked like a witch. We all got startled and ran. The man argued with me saying the old woman wasn't there before we entered the cave. I said I clearly saw her smoke shape before we entered.

Fromville

I was in a giant house with the Donna character in the From show. I was exploring a basement which was huge. It was like another in the basement. I go through many rooms and hallways. Donna enters through a hidden door. I comment on how big the basement is. She says, Yes that the upstairs is gigantic as well. There's so much there that Dale has never been downstairs.

What

Another dream where I break into someone's house that is a previous customer of my dad's. They don't seem to mind however. I see they have a piano, but the woman went with another piano tuner.

I've been doing 1-2 piano's a month now. Wish it was several a week.

I hope the Jamie dreams increase.

I’m staying in a house with a group of people. It’s late at night, and the host tells me a person we’re all here to meet will be here at 5am, which isn’t far off. I get ready - or try to, anyway. I can’t find the clothing I’m looking for. The clothing I brought along seems to have gotten mixed up with everyone else’s clothing and piled indiscriminately on the floor. Eventually, I stop trying to find the specific shirt I had in mind and just look for something that will work, but nothing seems right. In the meantime, it seems that everyone else has gone out already to meet the person we’re waiting for.

Then, out the window, I see a commotion outside, and people running - something is happening out there, something unexpected and possibly dangerous. I decide to go down to the basement, where I won’t be visible to anyone out there, but someone is already inside the house. He’s an Asian man, maybe in his 40s, wearing a martial arts uniform - white, I think. He heads for me, and I prepare to meet him.

As soon as we make physical contact, though, I can tell I don’t have a chance. I can feel it in his hands. I know enough myself to be sure I’m dealing with someone who’s achieved complete mastery. I stop and back off. Naturally, he can also tell where the situation stands and feel that I’ve sensed this. He smiles and beckons me to keep going, as if we were just sparring. But while he doesn’t actually seem aggressive, as if he’d hurt me just because he could, under the circumstances, I still don’t trust him enough to want to use force on him that I know he’d be able to turn back against me more effectively.

“I’m a musician,” I say. There is no point getting in a useless fight that could result in getting my hands messed up. I repeat it to make sure he understands, as I have the impression that English probably isn’t his first language.

But something is happening outside requiring his attention, and he leaves me to go deal with that, so I take the chance to go down to the basement.

27.10.24


A group of people are standing in a room. I’m identified with a young woman there, but seeing things play out in 3rd person. They seem to be an extended family with an upper-class vibe, in a large, old-fashioned house, and everybody is wearing elaborate clothing reminiscent of Japanese traditional dress. I can’t remember what the conversation taking place there was about, but it was fraught and unpleasant.

In the next scene, I’m experiencing things in 1st person as the woman. I’m in the kitchen as the back door opens, and in walks the ghost of Madame Mambeau, muttering to herself in French. There is nothing particularly ghostly-looking about her, but I recognize her clearly from stories others have told, from when she was alive. She’s a short, sturdily built middle-age woman with wild grey hair, and wearing a black T-shirt and shorts. She’s closely followed by a man who seems to be some kind of attendant. He’s very tall and fat, with thinning hair pulled back in a short ponytail. They ignore us completely - my father is in the room as well - and walk past us to the table in the dining area, where the man proceeds to serve up the contents of the compost bowl for the two of them.

I watch as they eat - at first in horror, but it is already starting to turn into curiosity. My father also stands and watches. My brothers’ voices and the sounds of Super Mario Bros drift in from a neighboring room. I’m sure this situation represents some kind of calamity that has befallen us, but at the same time, the damage is already done, and there’s probably no further harm in playing host to the two of them and seeing what will happen next. Knowing my father, I’m sure it won’t be long before curiosity gets the better of him too.

5.11.24


In a city, probably in the afternoon. I’ve arrived with a group of people onto a bustling street where a lot of preparations seem to be taking place. We enter a building - it mostly seems to be row houses here - and enter a large, undifferentiated space with a raised area like a stage in back. While they get things ready, I go out to explore the city.

I’ve been here before, maybe just once, to go to a restaurant with others. I recognize it as I walk past it on a nearby street. This seems to be a hilly, well-kept area with a view of the sea, but oddly deserted other than the street from the beginning. At some point, though, I realize I need to be getting back, and I have no idea where I am. I stop in the middle of a broad stone staircase to get my phone out and pull up a map. But nearby, I can hear a police officer telling somebody else on the other end of a walky-talky that I’m here, as I guess this counts as loitering. Yeah, I don’t want to draw too much attention to myself, so I just move on.

But it turns out I was just around the corner from the street I started out on anyway. A couple of the people from before are standing just inside the doorway and beckon me to come in. They close the door behind us. It looks like everything is ready to start now: people are sitting on the floor, with someone standing in the middle about to speak to them. I sit down as well.

A lot happened after that, but I don’t remember much of the details, except that at one point, the dream’s entire visual field is white and filled with colorful geometric shapes reminiscent of confetti moving past. I’m not present in the scene, but am aware of my right hand near the arrow keys of a keyboard, which I can use to have some control of the sequence of events I’m in the middle of, which is part of what the people from before have prepared.

20.11.24


Some other people and I have moved into a house in the fairly recent past. From an upper story balcony overlooking the city street below, I watch as a group of people sets up what appears to be a spontaneous picnic on the roof of their car. Then NS drives up and parks behind them. I call down to her. She was taking the household laundry out to be cleaned and has been gone an unexpectedly long time. She tells me there was an unfortunate incident involving a robin right as she was exiting the laundromat. “I hope it wasn’t my laundry,” I say. She says it wasn’t.

In what was probably a distinct dream later in the night, I’m in a school. I’m in the office, waiting for one of my students to arrive. It seems he accidentally left on the bus when school ended but soon realized his mistake and is on his way back.

When he arrives, he immediately runs off to where the others are. I start to follow. A woman is standing nearby - someone who seems to be a well-known figure in some way. There’s a whole lot of unspoken subtext as we exchange glances. Aren’t you going to ask me, the way so many people do? No? Well, this is interesting enough to where I’m just going to tell you anyway.

She says that I have a fire inside of me, and that it needs to be concentrated and refined before I can bring it out into the world.

I wake up.

(After thinking the dream over, I remembered that I’d been looking through the first couple lucid dreams included in the appendix of Charlie Morley’s Dreams of Awakening a couple days previously, and one of those had probably inspired the turn this one took. That dream was also set in an office, although a different kind of office. The woman is a representative of my subconscious mind, like the figure he summoned once he’d remembered what he’d planned to do in the dream. That explains some of those otherwise puzzling details.)

26.11.24

Me and someone else were on a ship of some sort, or at least that's what it seemed like. Outside of the windows, it was pitch black nothingness and inside it was a postmodern apartment. Me and this other person were on a date and he seemed really hesitant and flat out denied an opportunity to meet his dad, an older Jewish/Italian man who was quite eccentric. He'd laugh to himself about something and then refuse to tell us what was so funny, but eventually I started to notice things disappearing, such as a lot of the apartment save for a bedroom and a narrow corner hallway that leads out of it, and I got really terrified. Eventually it got urgent for me and I asked him once more as my date looked at us from across the room. His father said "fine! You wanna know what's so funny? Here's what's so funny," grabbed my shoulders, looked me in the eyes and said "love is a bug!!!" And despite his apparent madness I could tell he was more right than anyone could possibly be. All I could do was laugh hysterically as my date said "he's being deleted right now. Don't take him too seriously". I watched him laugh to himself and melt and after a while so did me and my date. The last thing I saw was the ceiling as I imagined a meme of this scenario. The last thing I felt was my date's ooze against mine, and once I closed my eyes I felt my body dematerialize into the void it came from.

Two nights in a row and not much on Jamie. I had some interesting happenings with her head voice. One night she asked why I ran away in the parking lot. I remembered and I split on it for a few minutes. The answer I gave was 1. She stood me up. 2. She said something really mean. After I calmed down I heard The Jesus voice said it was time for us to leave the past in the past.

Had some HH of some one playing the piano. It was the first part of Rachmaninov's 3rd piano Concerto, Ossia Cadenza https://youtu.be/Bhj7hunyVjw?si=ak4Yh0PkYGJ0EAXR

Had something like HH flashes but not dream like at all. First was me and Jamie making love, her on top. Second was I was in a room. Night time and no lights except for the glow of a TV. Jamie was on the other end of the couch, staring at me like a zombie. Her eyes glowed from the TV reflection. Che opened her mouth wide with a blank stare and bugs began crawling out of her mouth...

The Jamie voice asked what that was. We talked and apparently she saw the same thing... But it was me all zombied out.

Jamie

Just a flash of me driving a beat up brown, minivan. Jamie got inside and she looked really happy to see me all smiling. Good.

House

I was wandering through a very large house with tons of people living inside it. In some sections the people were dangerous. The house was so big it was like a small city...

Jamie voice was saying, how she likes our sweet talk especially late at night and the mornings. Yes, it's really me. I'v, also pondered how sometimes - when I have Her drive by sightings... a dream sometimes follows where she is crying in a vehicle. I do appreciate her trying to get nearer to me and hopefully trying to validate my strange "Telepathic" experiences with her. But, be safe. Don't push too hard. If we seriously talk again (hopefully accompanied by a long hug.) It's going to be somewhat emotionally rocky anyway. Just please be safe and stable as can be.

Not much from two nights but I had one night with contrasting Jamie dreams.

Jamie 1

Before the dream, I fell asleep after briefly watching a UFO documentary on Netflix. (I don't usually watch those, but this one was about Budd Hopkins, I use to read his books as a tween)

In the dream. I was watching a Documentary about Jamie. The guy was like, "Is she really who she says she is?" and he claimed like.... ancient egyptians was talking about her or something in pyramids. The dream changed to me chasing Jamie in a big city like T.O. But she was pretending she didn't know me. She was going to parties... lots of drugs and Drama with some guy. I saw her crying in front of him. The documentary guy was in my head, and I was like, "Yeah, I don't recognize this person at all."

I woke up and checked if the Jamie voice was there (Sometimes there are periods after sleep where she is silent and I assume she is sleeping.). I was like, "Wow what was with that dream? It was like I didn't exist." After some hesitation she said, "Yes... That was me having a really bad episode."

I prayed that I get better dreams about her with holding hands... affection etc.

Jamie 2

I'm sitting on a sectional couch in front of a TV. I'm not even sure If I am watching anything. Jamie sits beside me. I'm astounded such a beautiful girl would even sit beside me. We seem to watch it together. I notice she rested her left arm beside me. I didn't want to be too presumptuous so I laid my right arm over hers. After a moment she took my hand. This part felt... So real. I could see and feel our fingers interlocking. We started trying to lay together. I'm not sure if she was squeezing me too hard but I flt panic and got up (I don't mind big hugs but I have a problem if people squeeze to hard, like Elmyra from looney tunes). So, we tried cuddling another way. But after a moment she wasn't having that either. She got up and started pulling out the foot rest and trying to turn it into a Hide-a-bed. But I woke up as she was doing it.

I found this dream very funny. We are both so awkward trying to figure out what works best.

Voice was hounding me to post more dreams. (Every 3 day or 4 days seems like a consistent way to post.)

Don't remember much.

Jamie 1

I was beside a woman in bed. It was Jamie, but she looked asian (like filipina or malaysian or something). I put my hand on her boob. I was like "Wow, it fits in the palm of my hand." She smile at that and put her hand over mine. The dream fades (This dream coincides with some sweet talk we were having at night.)

Fortnite again

Just a flash of getting shot at and walling off. Not sure if Jamie was in this or not.

Last night:

A jamie dream I forgot but I had this vivid one:

Jamie 2

Me and Jamie were walking in a small apartment building. We came from a larger area and entered a stairwell. Jamie looked up the stairwell and looked frightened and she went back through the door. I took a splie second to see where she was looking but nothing was there. I quickly turned to follow her but when I opened the door, it was nothing but concrete. I was becoming lucid when I woke up.

Wow when Jamie doesn't want to be found in dreams....

Jamie dreams are kinda back? They are few and far in between but still somehow consistent. She might have done a drive by I was brushing off my car. A grey car turned in the alley by my house behind me. It felt like someone was looking at me. I turned and saw part of a head with brown hair and sunglasses. The voice mentioned it may have been her. If so, this is becoming more often. She's getting braver.

Jamie 1

I was in a long non lucid dream that was boring. Me and Jamie met in the middle of the dream. We both briefly talked about the plot of the dream we were in and moved on. Can't remember what was said or the rest.

unsure?

I was in... I'm not sure I had an ipad or something. I was selecting music. The band: Helloween, came to mind. Couldn't figure out if I wanted to hear, "Eagle fly free." or, "Dr. Stein." but then the tablet menu went funny and I couldn't find it. The tablet was suddenly hanging by string around a girl's neck. It was now a white board that we could write messages on. Not sure if this was Jamie or not.

Fighting

I was with a younger guy also named. "Raven." (Not my other dream friend. who does healing songs and stuff.) He was the native guy I ran into one day in the Wal-Mart parking lot when Jamie was giving me a ride home. In the dream he was getting mouthy. So I pounded his face in for a bit. Then I said something like, "Respect your elders." or something and he backed off.

More fighting

I think me and Jamie were in a fortnite game or something. We were walking through a valley and someone shot at us. Jamie got knocked and she was doing the crawl. The shooter grappled over to us with his duo. He told me to Res her so he can kill her again. I said, "If you kill her I will definitely find you and kill you." We went back and forth a few times like that and he backed down.

New fortnite season tomorrow. I have a love/hate relationship with that game. Mainly hate the cringe and the super toxic community.

Jamie again

This morning after our bedtime sweet talk session we often have in our heads. I was in an HH dream she was there. She made lasagna and offered me some.

I enjoyed that dream.

Hi everyone, this is my first post here on the website. I have tried lucid dreaming in the past, just never found the strength/motivation to keep working on it. But now, a few years later from when I first tried, I'm determined to make this work, no matter how long it takes.

!!Just a heads up, English isn't my native language, so I apologize in advance for any grammar mistakes you see here.!!

So, I remember having two dreams today, one around 2:00 - 3:00 AM when I naturally woke up to drink some water, and the second one in the morning hours. Thing is, I did some dream delving right after having each of them, and had a near perfect recall of both, but ended up forgetting most of it. I forgot most of the first one because I moved involuntarily on my bed for feeling uncomfortable, and then the second one because of a loud noise in my house. So yeah, off to a stellar start .

But anyway, to actually talk about the dreams now.

1. Am I in Hellskitchen or Something?
From what I remember, this one had something to do with cooking, because I feel like I was in some kind of kitchen, and there was a bunch of other people with me. There was someone shouting, either at me, someone else, or all of us at the same time. It sounded like this person was mad, pointing out something we did wrong while cooking or maybe a dish that turned out not very good, Gordon Ramsay style.



2. Messing Up Passwords... In Space
The second one is even hazier than the first one. I have the faintest memory of this one taking place in space, inside some sort of spacecraft, but I could be wrong. What I do remember most, is that I was trying to input a password into a terminal, but failing it multiple times. I think this one was partly inspired by me watching some Markplier In Space the night before.


And yeah, that's about it. It bothers me a lot, having almost all of it in my head, just to lose most of it shortly after. But I'm sure this is where most people start from, so I can't be too mad. But like I said, I'm willing to make things work this time, so it doesn't matter how long it takes. And I'll make sure to share any future amazing experiences I have with you guys, as well as reading about yours .
Until next time!

Not many dreams. Jamie drive by again? I was pulling into the Reddi-mart to pull out some cash. Noticed the one car with the wannabe red but not quite color. Stared intently inside... I saw a woman with brown hair, sort of like Jamie but unsure. She seemed to notice I was looking her way and she defiantly turned her gaze to the side (but was probably just shoulder checking for oncoming traffic before turning.). moments later while inside... her voice started up. "Why did I do that? I'm sorry." Her voice was apologizing non stop throughout the day. Her crime - Doing the freezout thing. I mean I'll try my best to let it slide. Even though her voice promised me that she would not do that anymore. I'll admit when I worked with her - it was an extremely frustrating thing to deal with. I have never liked it, don't currently like it, and never will. Experiencing that currently kind of doesn't help. Remember - I'm absolutely certain I have at least mild traits of BPD myself. The worst thing for me emotionally is to consistently re live past trauma. It's bad enough that I currently live with my dad, even though he is getting old and feeble - He still is emotionally abusive. Constantly scoffing in disappointment over every single thing I do. Also Boomer parents, "Why don't my kids wanna see me.?" I'm absolutely positive Jamie reads these, so please take these things into consideration. I have stated a lot on this journal, that I am trying my best to work on my issues around her, so that I can be a safe place for her. It should go both ways. I'm dedicated to being sensitive and accommodating to her issues, and working it out with her with good communication. I however, expect the exact same thing from her. Because if me mentioning in a dream how long it's been since we've talked and how salty I am about it is going to trigger her badly into a splitting episode, What does she think ignoring me in outright defiance does to me? It's a fine line - walking on eggshells. And I do pray everyday that Jesus somehow solves her BPD issues. There's a guy on Tik tik sensitive.stability - a self proclaimed self cured BPD guy that has a program for trying to be symptom free. It probably costs money, but it might be worth it for us to check it out. It's loosely based on DBT. Another thing is that her voice keeps asking for prayers, when we both gt upset at this stuff. That's really good. Wether the prayers are getting answered or not, it's a good thing that seems to help us stay grounded with one another.


On a lighter note. If Jamie wants to talk to me I imagine we are going to have some pretty awkward initial conversations. Somehow I don't think,"Hey there Captain Booty cheeks, are you ready to make that daughter we've been dreaming about? Or are you chicken?" is going to work well.

Dreams:

first night: Nothing, except a flash of Jamie coming up to me and hugging me.

Night after her apparent) run in.


Wal-Mart

I was in a Wal-Mart with some native girl who wanted to be my girlfriend. I saw a Woman I recognized as Shannon M from didsbury (Nice trailer park lady who worked at Hi-Ho for years. Has a couple kids - one borderline daughter with a kid) I'm like "Hey!" And the woman (Possibly Jamie.) started hugging me from behind really tightly and kissing the back of my neck in the same spot over and over again. I was walking as she did this. The Native girl was staring at me funny. I said, "I know this lady I worked with her at Wal-Mart for 5 months or so." (In reality I never worked with shannon but the line implies I was recognizing Jamie). The dream seems to end there.