non-lucid

I remember almost nothing. Maybe a road, and a bunch of people walking along this road to an unknown destination? During the dream, I figured out I could fly, so I did a bunch of stupid stunts and showing off. But the part that puzzled me the most in retrospect, is when I approached a girl I liked, and actually asked her on a date...? I felt such unbelievable confidence, it was unlike anything I've ever felt in the real world.

Before bed I was reading a novel and when I went to sleep the story just continued on throughout the night in my dreams. I kept waking up with the characters and plot going through my head and I could hear the characters voices. There were no visuals, it felt like I just never stopped reading and the experience continued.


I haven't been carrying on any dream related practices in quite a while now. It just takes so much effort for so little results for me. I'm just thinking about my motives for lucid dreaming in general right now.

I've always been fascinated by various ways of exploring altered experiences. Gaming being a big one that dominated my life early on. I touched on some psychedelics a bit but never went too deep because I would rather have control over having an intense experience.

I guess freedom and control are things I've been chasing in my life, two things I didn't have much of early on. Escaping the status quo has always been my default means of viewing my life. I couldn't accept things most people take as totally normal. Like spending 8 hours of my day working, couldn't stand it.

Ever since my first accidental lucid dream at around ~8 or so years old, I've looked at the phenomenon as a sort of anchor point in a way. That there is a potential world inside of me that offers complete freedom and creativity, even if it is brief and difficult to achieve.

Not sure where I'm going with this, I think it's just that I haven't been happy with the way this experience of life has been. It's just felt restrictive and plain and the potentials for it to be otherwise are just so high. With how technology is going the future generations may be having the kinds of experiences I wish I had in this time. I mean, even in the next 40 years things should get pretty interesting, so barring anything crazy happening I'll probably be able to experience that.

I guess I'm just bored.

Was lucid finally

Lucid 1

Was walking along a white tile floor and started counting. The effect was funny so I was instantly lucid. Went into a staircase area and kept counting. Stopped at 40 and decided to jump to keep the dream from falling apart. Was following this old lady climbing the winding staircase. got bored of that so I decided to go outside. I was making my way through the building when the dream shifted.

Lucid 2

Was instantly lucid at night time by what I thought was my house. Wanted to find Jamie so I got into a car and started driving. I as in a big city or something and it didn't look right. I started to tilt the wheel up and the car started flying. I flew by a large building and decided to crash into it. I did but not much happened. I climbed in the air with my flaying car and kept seeing bigger buildings as big as mountains above the skyscrapers I was already near. I knew it was a perceptual illusion do decided to ignore it

I thought to myself, "How to find Jamie?", "Just go left," a voice in my head responded. It was a male voice. I went left over some buildings a few blocks. And some residential houses felt right so I decided to land. i got out of the car and saw two characters in front of a house that looked like minecraft characters or something.

"Robert, over here!" I hear Jamie's voice to my right. I look to my right and some girl is on top of some steps by the door to the house. She's beckoning me over with her hand. I see a brown haired girl with her hair tied back. doesn't quite look the same but the energy is Jamie's. i go up the steps and I feel her hug me. I say I want to talk to her or something. She takes me by the hand and leads me inside. We start going down in a basement. I try to speak, but feel that my physical jaw is frozen, I find it hard to speak. but I manage, "Are you really Jamie?" She looks back and finds the phrase familiar. (Sometimes the conversations with the head voice is like a broken record, and that's something I ask once in a while.) She nods and keeps walking. in the downstairs I aslk, "You're the one from Wal-Mart?" She slightly nods again. We sit down on a carpet or something. I hear her voice in my head say something but can't remember. I say :I just heard your voice in my head... is that really you? She doesn't answer just sits on the carpet and stares at me. Her form is changed again. I start asking about the voices I hear but can't say much because the dream ends.

What?

A dream where I'm not participating. I'm looking at the outside of a house. Jamie opens the door and another girl leaves the house. Jamie is escorting her out. I guess it's one of her nice friends. Theey then kis on the lips and the girl walks away and Jamie waves at her and smiles... Oh god. Not this again.

Second night:

Mcdonald's

I'm in a mall with a mcdonald's in it. A familiar girl with who I think looks like Olivia from coaldale walks up to me and we start talking. She is telling me she is moving away soon with her future husband. I'm like :Yeah okay whatever. I then get in line for the till. But olivia and some other girl who are holding hands cut in front of me whil I'm in line. I confront them about it, but olivia brushes me off. I gt mad and just leave an look for another restaurant in the food court.

Third night:

bleh

something about my dad and my dog.

Visit

Me and Jamie are sitting in a car by my house. This isn't in the "Dream realm," but seems to be "Real," Me and Jamie seem to be discussing a serious relationship. Can't catch any details but it feels like this is something she is planning.

what?

I'm in a house with some people. Jamie looks like Zendaiya... Ok i'm still not seeing her correctly again. I'm sitting at a table and talking. She starts hanging off some other guy.

friend?

I'm in a crowd of people at a house party. some chubby girl with pigtails starts talking to me. She claims she is Jamie's friend or something. We keep talking about Jamie. And this girl seems to confirm Jamie's intentions. Some drunk guys start interrupting us, and say something like :You gotta buy this for her, and that stuff blah blah blah.". I say: Drizzle Drizzle! I AM the table! (No, I see that stuff as satire but find it funny so many people get triggered by it.) The girl just laughs and seems to understand my sarcasm. the guys go ,"Ooooh," and walk away or something.

Still confusing stuff going on with the voice... Really hope it gets resolved soon. I've had it..

Jamie dreams

Only one night out of the 3 nights had Jamie.

In one she is by a white pickup truck and jokingly giving me shit about something.

In another fragment. She is next to me on a street in Didsbury and she seems happy with me.

Last fragment is I'm seeing her sit by a window with a child sitting on her lap.


Almost lucid.

I'm walking with someone in a highschool. ( Might be Jamie) . I start floating but it seems normal. I cross my legs in mid air but still go walking level and speed. I float up to a landing above some office doors and walk along it. Some Filipina woman is sitting on top of a ladder leading to the landing. Forget what happened after.

Last night. I sensed fragments. Don't recall Jamie.

Im going to school.... i see one of the old high school jerseys I used to wear. or it at least feels like it except its short sleeved and i only had a long sleeved jersey. Juju is going back to bloem. We hire a V12 to drop off at the border. it seems like we are in the L but the road towards the borders feels like a SA road. We are at the border and i think he has stamped because we are talking about going back. I don't know whether to take the V12 or my dads car. Im confused as to why all the trouble of two cars.

looks like the 6 am naps might be a good opportunity to get lucid during the week since i usually have good recall of those dreams....

So... we continue reativating our recall. Im having more and more work related dreams these days. tThis could be a nice opportunity to use work as a reminder to RC

now for last nights travels

Im in maluti and some guys start attacking my brother and i. I hold of one of them so my brother can escape. a lot ensues but eventually i think wemake it and i end up telling this story to some dudes. i like having a story to tell.

next scene;

in maputsoe. we are doing a recruitment visit. the engineer speaks and gets some stuff wrong so i interject and correct him. the audience likes it when i speak

Forgot a dream fragment from last entry: some Demon was accusing Jamie of being a lesbian or something...

Not much to say on this but, If me and Jamie share a strange dream ( And in head voice) connection, and Jesus who seems to push us towards one another in these connections. There's also "Evil," forces that conspire to keep us apart. So, Be on your guard! Me - Out of nowhere I've had old temptations come back to haunt me and they are difficult to keep at bay. (I find prayers works and distracting myself. And if Jamie really know the voice in my head - if you know you know). I also think back to when me and Jamie first met, and how we both had counterfeit people in our lives to distract us from one another. So yeah - pray on this. Also, it's been months since I had a dream where Jamie was telling me she had planned to saying something to me, and that I would have to be patient. If it's still too difficult to reach out, since we both live in the same area, maybe pray that God makes us cross paths more often, like we both know he can do. Maybe eventually one of us can break the ice if the feeling is right. I have been praying on this.

anyway more dreams:

I can't recall every single dream. I had many fragments and HH but hardly any longer dreams to recall.

previous nights:

Jesus

A dream of Jesus showing Jamie one of my dreams through a mirror or something. There was a bunch of smoke inside on the other side of the mirror.

Wow

Another sex dream. Her on top... really enjoying herself this time. I get to see a lot.

Cage

I'm with some friends and we find Jamie trapped in a cage again. And I forget what happens, maybe healing energy again.

Last night:

voice

Brief dream where I am explaining something to Jamie. I'm being dumb and ranting a lot like I do in dreams. After I'm done, Jamie says ,"Okaaay, Robeeert."

A bunch of vague Jamie flashes.

Healing?

I'm standing with a group of people by a pool of water. There's healing energy going around for everybody.

Vague dream

Can't remember exactly. flying around a city with my old friend Richard from chilliwack.

Also I've noticed Jamie testing our telepathy - if the voices in our heads are, "real". Like the dream I had with the chipoltle sauce, trying to make me say, "No chick-fil-a sauce?" because that very thing was stuck in my head the previous days. And the chicken barn dream - no comment.

Crazy bathroom

Dreamed I was walking around outside a place with some giant archway door. Went inside and inside was a very large and fancy bathroom. Ceilings were super high. There was a fountain in the middle with a 30 ft statue of an angel in the middle of that. There were toilets but no stalls. I sat on one and after a while some guy walked in through the door and started staring at me. I told him to leave me alone and go about your business.

When done, there was no place to wash your hands so I started looking in the other rooms. There was a picnic table place with some women at the table. There was hand sanitizer stations behind them. I asked if I could go and use some but the women angrily shoo'd me away. I found another section like that but with men and they had no problem with me using the sanitizer.

What?

I was in the bathroom with Jamie holding her hand. I won't say what else was going on

Next two nights had trouble getting a full sleep.

One fragment was with Jamie. We were walking through a city holding hands...

no


I was in a house with some people. I knew Jamie was there and then I saw her come into the living room and sit near me. I was depressed or something. I said something to her but I wasn't very confident. She knows and of huffed at me and left. Spent the rest of the dream wandering the house sad.

Me and a group of 5 people were trying to escape some sort of underground bunker. It was dark and there were two ladders that led upward, one closer and one much further away.
The one closer to us had a camera next to it and a trap door under it. One of the people in the group approached the ladder and went up a few steps. "What is the weapon that causes disassociation?" the camera spoke. "A flame thrower?" the person on that ladder answered. A red light turned on and the trap door opened up, sucking him down. "Wrong!" The next person gave a similar wrong answer and got sucked down as well, leaving only 3 of us left.
One of the members decided to make a run for the ladder on the far end, I followed. We climbed up the ladder and opened the hatch revealing daylight. Unfortunately, we were still trapped. It led to a room with iron bars at every wall. The person giving the test was visible. "What's the answer!?" the guy I followed asked. "There is no answer, it's what you make of it." he said with a smile on his face. We climbed back down and made our way back to the other guy that was still in line for the ladder, I started thinking to myself about how isolation could be the answer. "Isolation causes disassociation." The guy in front of me heard what I said and climbed the ladder. "What is the weapon that causes disassociation?" the test giver asked again. "Isolation!" the guy said, stealing my answer. A green light lit up and the hatch above opened allowing him out. "I shouldn't have said that out loud, I have to think of a new one now." I began thinking "maybe apathy and fear?" I climbed the ladder, and he asked the question again. "Apathy and..." I was answering as he interrupted me. "Hold your phone up to the camera."
I pulled my phone out and it had a circular spinning loading screen with other intricate details that somehow identified me. I hold the screen to the camera but it's having a hard time registering because the ladder I'm on is swinging back and forth in an unpredictable manner. I countered the swinging motion with my arm, sort of like a chicken's head when you pick it up and move it around. A sound played that told me it was successful. He then gave me a complicated set of instructions that I couldn't understand. All I knew is that he wanted me to open up a certain app and find something he made to hold up to the camera. I opened the app he made. I see a snake with a metal shiny black and red patterned skin, the texture and colors of the snake was moving from tail to head. "Cool." I thought as I continued trying to find what he wanted. I started clicking around and an isometric game opened up. I kept clicking around and before I knew it there were around 10 layers of different screens opened up on the app. I was having difficulty navigating the app. I remember seeing another image of something with a metallic texture moving across the centered object.

Note: Strange long dream, there's details of how we got trapped that I can't seem to remember. The day before this I was thinking about how feeling emotions is sort of like disassociating from them, and when you feed into them, it only strengthens them.

WILD sp

I'm in bed and I notice something off. I open my eyes and see the distorted version of my room again; I can't move. I decide I don't want to explore directly out of SP because it tends to be very unstable. I close my eyes and begin playing a made-up song on the air guitar, paying the intense sensations no mind at all.

DILD nose pinch

I wake up in my parents' house and I'm now walking around. I attempt the nose pinch RC and I can still breathe through it. "Weird." I think as I continue walking around looking at the house. I do around two more nose pinch RCs and still don't realize I'm dreaming. I'm trying to reason with myself why it's not working. "I'm just not pinching hard enough." The 4th nose pinch I try to make sure that my fingers are actually closing my nose all the way and I'm pinching extra hard. I can still breathe.
"This is a dream?" I think to myself. The house I'm walking around in looks identical to the one I grew up in. Everything starts to fade.
I begin spinning. I notice the hallway leading to the bedrooms, then the living room, back to the kitchen. "Wow, I never thought it could be this real." I span a couple more times in awe about how everything was exactly where it should be.
I get a bit excited and go down the hallway leading to the bedrooms. I throw open a door to see my brother J3. I turn the light on and that wakes him up, he looks kind of annoyed. "Don't worry J3, this is a dream!" He smiles and starts walking to me "Oh yeah?" He gives me a huge bear hug, picking me up. once he sets me back down, he tells me to follow him. He's walking down the hallway back to the kitchen when the dream fades completely to a brown/tan static, I think to myself I want to spin to stabilize but there's nothing to see, I must be waking up.

Waking?

I'm in bed again and my limbs feel weird, I think I'm awake and try the nose pinch, it works but I still feel off. I lick my finger and start tapping my nose. It all feels more or less how I would expect it to feel minus the strange vibrations. So, I close my eyes.

Cat outside


I wake up in my apartment to see my cat outside the window. *I've had the windows open because the AC isn't working* I run over and try to help her when I realize it's a random cat outside and it's trying to get inside the apartment. I'm not really sure what to do and I'm just watching the cat. Eventually the window screen comes loose, and the cat jumps inside, landing on the windowsill. My cat runs up to look at it and I get a bit worried and shoo the cat back outside. I close the window fully. The cat sees that and now has a human like scowl on its face, I find that hilarious and try to call for my brother J1 to come and look.

I wake up.

Note: Finally completed my goal of exploring a "real place" I really didn't want to believe I was dreaming because of how real it was, not just the house but my body as well.

First night.

Store

I was walking at night in a sketchy area of a large city. I just remember walking past a bunch of people with hoodies on. I entered a gas station to get a coffee. I walked past a guy but couldn't find the coffee machine. So I grabbed some random things... Unleavened bread? Wtf. Someone must have fell asleep listening to a reading of Exodus, and it wasn't me. And I grabbed slushie and some bananas and put it all in a blender. The other customer in the store was looking at me funny. I couldn't turn the blender on.

I went to the counter and Jamie was working the counter. She said something to me about this gorgeous guy she knew who used to have a PS2. Um okay. Was she pulling a jealousy move on me? Or was she talking about me. I'm not gorgeous, but I did own a PS2... Dream fades.

Next night had no recall. Woke up at 3:30 am and couldn't get back to sleep.

Last night:
Lucid

I was in a large castle like building with large windows. I kept looking out the windows and seeing many impossible things. Thing like: lots of tornadoes but not hurting anyone, many people walking down a path with colorful cone hats, and various horses.

This made me lucid. I jumped up and floated to confirm lucidity. I landed by a doorway. I wanted to find Jamie again. Everything seemed really stable and solid so I decided to try Hukif's time dilation method again. As soon as I put my hand down on the ground, everything just faded to black... Damn. Maybe I should try something else.

WTF

I was in a chicken barn with Jamie. She said to me, "I want you to put it in my ***, Robert." (I will not publicly post what is going in where.) Then she pulls out a chicken from behind her back and is pointing it's ass end at me like a gun. She then says, "Are you chicken?" When she says, "chicken." She squeezes the chicken and and egg flies at me. She then chases me around the barn repeating the question and shooting eggs at me.

cooking

Just a flash of Jamie at a stove with a frying pan on one burner and boiling water on the other. We are just playfully talking while she cooks something.

Demon

Audio only dream. I hear a demon accusing Jamie of something. But forget what...

I'm at home, curled in my desk chair, planning a trip to Monaco for myself on my laptop. The light is low and warm, it must be evening - and the trip is tomorrow. I look over my plans. I've already booked the Eurostar (£54.30 - I know it shouldn't cost that much!) and I'm familiar with the Côte d'Azur TER trains that pass through Monaco Monte-Carlo. Though I notice now that I didn't plan any way to get from Paris to Provence.

While reading through my plans, I'm a bit doubtful as to how well it will go - it's meant to be a day trip but it doesn't look like I'll make it in a day. With security and waiting the Eurostar takes about 3 hours, the train from Paris takes longer and the last one into Monaco is at least half an hour. I'm worried and I feel a headache coming on - I wonder if I should cancel the trip. Maybe I can get my money back?

Then it's the next day, my suitcase is packed and I'm leaving, still filled with worry. My mum wishes me luck. I don't remember what happens after I step out the door.

But then I am in Monaco, standing in a shop, the walls, floor and ceiling are completely wooden. I look over some goods displayed on wooden counters. Seemingly I've been here before: I remember a sale that was on last time I was here. This time the sale is some aromatic bars of soap. I pick over up and turn it over in my hand, smelling its lemony scent.

Sorry for slacking with the Dream Journal. I think this is the first time I've properly smelled something in a dream! Yay!

Finally a short but useless lucid.

First night: just two flashes of Jamie's face. She was blond in both, not sure why. In the second she has 2 braids.

Lucid

I was flying around the top of a house with some man. He opened the top of the roof. I stopped and saw my hand in front of me. Became lucid because of it for some reason. In the back of my mind I wanted to look for Jamie. But first I wanted the dream to last long. I decided to try the Walms/hukif method for time dilation, ( which is impossible to execute). I got down on one knee and put my left hand one the ground. Closed one eye and began to count the spaces between my fingers left to right. I got to maybe 6 when my hand began distorting. Seeing more fingers and spaces to count. Began to feel that force wanting to push me from the dream. So I panicked and jumped high, but the dream ended while in the air.

Next night:

Jamie 1

I'm in a living room sitting on the corner of a sectional couch. Jamie is to my left and an older overweight woman is to my right. The lights are dim and we are watching tv. Jamie has a remote or is eating something. She is not looking towards me. The other woman's leg brushes against mine. Not sure if that was intentional or not. Jamie notices and grabs my hand as I sit beside her.

Jamie 2

Another sex dream. I am on top and Jamie doesn't seem to be enjoying it as much. I guess she likes the other thing better.

Last night:

What?

I'm at a fast food restaurant and some older lady is taking my order. She starts doing the funny faces from the unmentionable Tiktok video by Gina. I just start rolling my eyes...

False break up

I'm wandering through Didsbury downtown and keep finding extra alleyways. Me and some people break into places but I lose them. I suddenly come across Jamie, who starts adamantly saying we should break up. I just argue about it for a while. But she keeps insisting. I'm about to give up when hands reach through the Jamie I am talking to. Another Jamie's face comes out of the one in front of me. The real Jamie starts kissing me and says we are not breaking up. I forget what happens after.

And yes I know how people like her might do a break up test. Please don't. That's abusive.

Is this website dying? seems no one DJ's here after the spring competition...

On the last entry: The "drive by". I heard the Jamie voice in my head apologize for that or something. No! It's okay. I go stir crazy sometimes trying to figure how "real," what I am experiencing is. To show up on the day I post about something distressing... Nah, you threw me a line girl! Thanks.

BTW if Jamie reads these. Because of my situation at home, my cousin just offered me a room in Lethbridge, I can get my old job back, I'm on 3 delivery apps, and i have the basic skills to start a side business. You KNOW how mentally unhealthy my family is. It's triggering for me here. I understand I was put here for now, to be closer to your area, for a reason. I'll hold out for as long as I can. But, if it gets really bad here. I gotta run. I'll let ya know. I'd hate to because it seems like a phenomenal amount of progress has been made between us.

Anyway dreams:

Jamie is crazy

FA, get out of bed and I see it's hailing out and there's a big storm (It's also night time.) I don't think to RC. I hear my brother say he hopes Jen makes it home okay. I hear a crash and I hear Jamie's voice from the kitchen say, "Rob, come look!" I run into the kitchen and see Jamie (As Jen) standing behind my dad. There's an acoustic guitar smashes over him. Parts of the wood are stabbed inside his body and the strings are cutting him. He's awake but makes no sound. I keep asking, "Um Should I call an ambulance?" Jamie keeps saying while grinning, "No, I think he'll make it."

Remind me to NEVER really piss Jamie off... my god.

Work

I'm working in some large building with storeys. I'm new, but everyone is wearing Wal-Mart vests. I see Jamie as a different girl. and the nametag says, "Julie," I have false memories, of working in another town with a girl that looked like her name ,"Julia.". Jamie's eyes widen in fear and she runs past me. Her friend (The one I met at the metal party at the airstrip in didsbury.) says something like, "Oh I think she likes you. Just let her make all the moves on you, she will." and I'm like, "Okay, i'm pretty shy with that stuff anyway so it's nice when someone else takes initiative." But in the middle of the sentence the girl I'm taking to is replaced by a chubby woman with grey hair. She yells at me, "Stop talking and get to work."

bed

FA, Jamie and her friend walk into my bedroom. I see Jamie as Katelynn now (Great now my perception of her is off again). I'm like, "I haven't seen you in so long we should have a hug." (knowing it's really Jamie.) Jamie goes to hug me in bed but turns around and I hug her from behind. Her behind is literally on my you know what again. But her friend drags her off the bed an out of the room. (note: In addition to the voice, While going to sleep or waking up in the middle of the night or early morning. There is a phantom sense of Jamie with me. I experience hugs, and other things. And I have read other "Twin Flames" have gone through this as well. While I think I'm going crazy, I do find it comforting.)

Last night.

Two brief flashes


In one Jamie is prancing some other guy around in front of me. I start getting mad and Raven says something like, "She just needs healing"

in the second Flash. I'm watching peaceful energy go over Jamie. Her vacant, glassy eyes become whole again. She looks at me and smiles. and we grab our hands together.

Well, we got attacked again. I tried to get Raven to help but of course, her dream friends also got attacked, so she spent some nights trying to resolve that.

Suspected Jamie drive by again. This time outside my place as it was getting dark. The car turned down the alley where my backyard is facing. Although it was hard to see due to some branches, it was the quick head turn that was the give away, and the hair. This on the same day of my distressing post. Maybe she was checking on me? Different vehicle again... Maybe I'm just paranoid and seeing what I wanna see. Maybe she borrows a family or friends vehicle. This reminds me of a Tik Tok post Emily King made a while ago on this sort of thing: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMMqVB6sw/

[COLOR="#800080"]Warehouse[COLOR]

I was forced to work in a strange warehouse. There were these tiny rooms against a large wall but they were all connected. Everyone was supposed to go into the tiny rooms and do something I forget. I was put into a room and there was a tiny window next to me. I looked inside and saw two men being gay. Won't go into detail.

Then I had false memories of Jamie being with me earlier, but people had separated us.

This made me angry so I smashed through all the walls and knocked some people over. Some short black guy teleported to me trying to fight. He was jumping up and down really fast trying to be hard to hit. I put my hand on the top of his head to keep him there. He couldn't escape but then my memory fades.

The rest of the night I had 2 short dreams. I was trying to find Jamie but kept running into two women with cloth gags in their mouths. They kept saying Jamie was busy but to play with them. I wasn't having it

Next night.

Left on read

I was in a construction place with my dad and brother. I kept pulling out my phone and looking for messages from Jamie. There was an old message saying she needed space or something. Work was boring but when we had to leave, my dad was in a wheelchair and had an oddly shaped head.

Last night:

Maybe a dream about my Dog and some dogs.

Strange

Dreamed I was leaving work with some people. We all had separate vehicles. I followed them to some cul de sac area. We waited and chatted. Can't remember about what. I drove off but there was some confusion about who should leave first.

Drove into a downtown street like a cross between the two downtown's of Didsbury and Carstairs. There was all these people on the street blocking the way. Suddenly instead of driving, I was walking. It was night. I ran into my cousin, and said the one restaurant that I use for pickup was closed for the holiday. He mentioned a couple that were open. I asked about the one where Jamie worked (apparently she works at a bar in the dream). He said that I'm still not allowed in there, or something because of Her. Then he said it was BS because he heard Jamie say that she was okay with me, but the owner still wouldn't allow me in. Then my memory fades.