non-lucid

I... have this strong wish to transform everyday images, the sporadic imagined ones and the thoughts that go along with them, into.. well a dream like the ones at night: into a (visual) manifestation of all the thoughts, wrapped into a whole dream world. I know this is what happens at night, but I seem to be looking out the other end of my subconscious then, and not back onto my everyday life. I want this simple transformation of thoughts into images, essentially into actual daydreams, something that seems to be suppressed in most people generally, and inhibited further through tension and stress etc.
The way I picture it is that I take some Choline, (in some idyllic place or peaceful room), and then start consciously molding my imagination once it comes, expanding fragments behind mere thoughts into lively (as in subtly changing) images, creating spaces beyond all these compressed thoughts and impressions of the day.
Unfortunately I don't dare touch my Choline when I'm under stress, which I always am, and loosen the inhibited images out of hiding, because I fear.. hallucinations. That's what I fear.
My dreams at night are pretty harmless so I don't understand this fear.

But supposing it would actually release such things as visions of horror and violence - are these bad for you?
Because with this issue in particular I feel that dreams are not just dreams.

Dream 1(Fragment):

Something about a dragon and magic.

Not sure whether ultravivid HH or FA:

Briefly wake up, very sleepy, seeing my chair near balcony with kinda wizardy hat on top, thinking it's HH, accidentally fall back to sleep.

Dream 2(fragments):

I was playing some old video game about roller skater racing(Can't recall name but it's actually a game i played IWL ages and ages ago), and i was playing it multiplayer with somebody.

Dream 3(fragment):

I was playing some FPS, that possibly had something to do about zombies and some kind of meat processing facility. Then later it turned into something more futuristic, one of levels was a base with alot of orange color.

Dream 4:

I was playing some RTS that in ways looked similar to Warzone 2100, but different. I started some custom map where there was huuuuge tank that i had to escort towards enemy base, it followed the path while i had to fight off enemy tanks that attacked it with my tanks, i mostly had ones that looked like classic Heavy Cannon - Tiger - Tracks combination of parts from Warzone 2100. At some point huge tank was going through canyon which i was surprised it did fit into in first place and i got access to unit builder. I used my resources to build some more Heavy Cannon - Tiger - Tracks tanks and enemy kept attacking, but AI of both my and enemy tanks in canyon was pretty faulty and tanks were getting stuck or lost at times. I almost ran out of resources and went to tank design window to make more cheap tank, i was somewhat confused around since some parameters were different but i ended up making Lancer - Leopard - Tracks tanks with the small bit of resources i had left. Then my tank group joined back with huge tank and assaulted enemy base, completely destroying it.
Done with that i went into some editor program for a different game and it was an online editor, so i was working together with someone. The level ended up being somewhat post-apocalyptic style and i was searching for specific item in list of objects while other person couldn't find specific decoration. We ended up arguing whether decoration or item is more important.

I did a WBTB waking up at 4 am and took some vitamin B6 200 mg.
I was using an induction in the form of audio, something my dad gave me.Suddenly I was in another dream in my room. I tried getting up but it felt like I was being held down. I tried too hard and woke up back in the other dream.mi went back in and was still in my bed, this time I could move with difficulty. I got out of bed staggering around, and looked out the window, which was changing size back and forth. I tried to push through it but I couldn't. I decided to think the way CL does and thought "It's not there" I jumped through and my dream became so crisp I thought I woke up. When I was out the window I realized I had just jumped through the window screen that blocks bugs. I started to freak out cause I was in the air and didn't want to fall. I started to try swimming which worked, it also got the screen off of me. Once I realized I was flying, I decided to try and fly without swimming. I was thinking about it then I decided to throw myself forward. I started to zoom around the neighborhood which looked like a mix between an ancient city, and a modern one. I went to some walls with holes in them, like giant holes. I decided I wanted to try the TOTY which is the Egypt one. So I said "Through this hole are the pyramids." As I was about to fly through it, I saw a DC she was pretty fat wearing lavender clothes. I decided to do the TOTM, and hugged her. She got creeped out and pushed me away, (turned down by a fat chick ) The dream ends there.

non lucid

*In the dream I applied to a rose clothing store, I would never work there in real life. The guy who interviewed told me I didn't get the job. I told him well I didn't really wanna work there anyway. After I said that he asked why, and then he was interested in hiring me.

*I am at a strip bar or hookha bar can't tell. Someone offers me to smoke was weed through the hookha. I thought why not and took a hit. I got really high.

*Some girl is laying next to me telling me that a my d*** is big.

This one was long but I forgot a lot of it..
- I've forgotten my black backpack at school by the art room. I know where it is but when I look for it, I can't find it.

Dream 2
- I'm outside by a fairly large lake. I think the sun has just gone down; it is dark but there are still some shades of purple on the lake and in the sky. A man who looks like Gandalf comes over and gives a little, pink, bipedal creature. This creature is very affectionate and keeps hugging my leg.

A fragment..
- I see my best friend B sitting at a counter with 2 of her friends. They're all tightly wrapped in ceran wrap. B looks very uncomfortable, like she doesn't want to be there.

Dream 3
- I'm in an unfamiliar 2 story house with R. R isn't doing much, but he's here. We're on the bottom floor and I know there is a lot of food here. I think I take some crackers. Now I am upstairs; R Is gone, but I'm sitting by my mom who is talking to some doctors. They are saying that I could have pneumonia. I think this upsets my mom so we leave right away, but right before we do I get something else to eat because I am still hungry. Whatever I get, it comes with a beer. There are four choices; I pick a peach flavored one. Now, my mom is driving us home but I am outside the truck, somehow attached to it and able to sit down. I drink the beer, really noticing the prominent peach flavor, and think that I'd like to move to Scotland.

Dream 4
- I'm driving my cousin down a busy, main street to some burger place. We finally find it, and enter the building through some secret entrance. It looks more like an old house and I get the feeling that we shouldn't be here. We continue on anyway, and reach a big window/opening in the wall. Looking out, I see a huge, grassy feild far below me. On this feild there are many marching bands, each wearing their school colors.

Dream 5
- I'm at an indoor concert with my dad. We are seated in a row close to the small stage. My dad gets up and leaves for a bit; when he gets back, he has already missed the ending.
**I wake up after this dream ends and haven't moved or opened my eyes. I try to imagine myself back at that concert cheering with everyone else, but not a thing happens?

i tell you what...heres how it went..

i dont remember anything cept being in a contest against my friends and really intensely trying to win. i was doing some jumping jacks or some shit. it was like who could do the most. and i lost and the lady told me i had when i thought i had won

then we were around a campfire and some people were fucking around but i was answering the questions right

Dream #2

Lucid Dream? - no

Dream Topic - It was hot and in an effort to cool down a floating fan helps me out.

Dream Plot - When I entered the dream I was in my bed. I am one of those people that cant fall asleep without a sheet or blanket. It was desperately hot but I could not fall asleep without the blanket. I turned the air conditioner on but it was still so hot. Then I saw a fan on my desk. I got it and held it up above me, fanning downward to cool me off. After a few minutes my hand got really tired and I just let my hand fall. A few minutes later I realized that air was still being blown down on my. I looked up and saw that the fan was floating there. I thought nothing of it at the time. Then I went and got some water and when I came back the fan was gone. That's when I woke up.

First I was in our university. then I found myself somewhere that a familiar man was speaking for my old friends. I was beside that man. The man asked me to sit down beside my friends. I done this. That man asked us to write something. I doesn't know what he want. So I asked my friend.

Today i dreamt i was in a world where vampires and zombies only existed
and they were enemies, i was the only human there. I was alone in a village near a desert.
That village was quite peaceful, but suddenly the scenario changes and i teleport to another place.
This place was in war, the weather was very cloudy I couldn't see the sun and i was in the middle of the desert.
There were a guy on front of me, it was tall and had a black hat, he was a vampire, behind him was a very cute girl
with black long hair, brown eyes and a shy personality, she was dressed with a black dress. and i felt in love immediately when i saw her. For some reason i kissed her on mouth and after i did that i felt so happy. The girl didn't react just became shy and i found her so cute (Still happy that i kissed her lol)
Suddenly i see a black tornado near the desert, the weather was becoming stormy and i was scared she was as well.
I wanted to protect her, but who really was protecting us was the vampire that was killing zombies. He said that we had to get out of there
as soon as possible before we could get caught by the tornado, suddenly a zombie bites girl's neck, and i stay in panic and sad at the same time.
The vampire gets me and fly away from there, i scream for her and cry but she was now becoming a zombie and there was nothing i could do.
The vampire leads me to his "base" where there was his partner, it was a girl as well.

Dream recall from today's naps.

Dream 1(fragment):

I was playing Doom coop with someone, to be exact, Brutal Doom mod. There was some level that was set up as multiple series of rooms and passages connected through central hub. I kept forgetting that enemies take less shots to destroy with mod and ended up using more good ammo than needed. At the end there was boss that looked like powered up version of arch vile and it used some kind of charged laser attack and summoning swarms of missiles.

Dream 2(fragment):

There was some anime discussion.

Dream 3(fragment):

I was looking at the global map, which looked similar to earth, but different, americas were separated. On the map were drawn dragon flying paths.

Big Boys Don't Cry and Sad is Just Cold
I dreamed that my older son had learned that if one is feeling sad what one needs is physical warmth (because sad is actually just cold) and big boys don't cry. There was also something odd about taking off his shoes to get warmer. I corrected this misconception.

Kids Learn Life Lessons From the Homeless
My husband had gotten our two boys into a community service project which involved us dropping the boys off with a community of homeless people, and we would not stay, and there would be no one else just kids and homeless people, and the homeless people were teaching the kids about life. While I was a bit nervous about this, but at least I knew that a homeless woman we know and trust would be with them all the time.

I find it amazing that my dreams sometimes seem to be themed for the night. My recall has been a little better lately and I've been trying like hell to get lucid naturally.

1:17AM

Some dorm room party. I find my cousin and party with him. I can't find any beer but I find some rum/tea mixture.

I am outside at night walking home. Some old lady on a bridge about 10 feet up wants my help. She crosses her arms and falls back and I catch her. We are now on some shore in bleachers waiting for a boat. Then I see flashing lights to my left and know someone is coming. The lights go out and now we are confused and disoriented by a strobe light. It is 3 guys trying to rob us of our electronics. I see my phone and GP on the seat next to me. He takes it. I feel they are too important to let him. I fight him and only can he flashes of the action. Then he falls and bashes his head on a large rock. I slam his head again and it kills him. His face looks like Gollum. At the last of the fight my phone and GP fall and shatter to a million peices. I somehow kill the other guys. Now, I am severely hurt. I feel like my mouth is busted up and I spit out a lot of blood. I hear someone say, "He hemorrhaging." Someone points to a hospital down the street. I slowly limp there wheezing and gasping for breath. I check in with a nurse and she asks, "What have you been taking?" All I can say is, "I'm drunk."

Other dreams forgotten

Time unknown

First part is hazy... something happens. I park a large pickup with a trailer. I had stashed some stole bank cash in the bushes and came back for it. My buddy went in a house to do something. I sneak out and get the money. I see a lot of paper coin rolls and stacks of really large bills. They are in various plastics bags all in a paper sack. I snatch the money and get back in the truck. I am very nervous that someone saw me. My buddy comes back and I talk to him. We leave. It's day time now and a cop follows us. We stay cool and he turns off. I think we need to switch vehicles. I see C.H. in a yellow bug in front of us. We plan to get in with him but he has a wreck in font of us. He decides to run and hit another car. I talk how surprised I am that a minister would do this. He gets out and runs on foot. I hope he jacks another car without being seen.

5:16AM

I am at work waiting for some meeting to start. There are some invented devices. One drills into plastic and runs on clean burning fuel rather than electric. I think I know the mixture and we have the chemical. It's Isopropyl Alcohol and another ingredient. I think I should mix some up real quick but think I won't have time. There is a display in the middle of a table. That one guy I don't know his name from work created it. It looks like a star wars game. I see you can control storm troopers. I wake up.

One dream about astral projection and two about deilds....

Dream 1

I've been sleeping and am suddenly awoken by the feeling of intense vibrations. I wonder what's going on but I decide to 'roll out of my body'. When I do, it feels like I am on my floor, so I stand up and open my eyes. I look back and see my body on the bed and know what has happened. I start to walk out of my room but then everything fades away..

Dream 2

I'm in an unfamiliar house, at the kitchen table. An acquaintance is here; she's been waking me up so I can have a deild.

Fragment

I'm watching short videos that are supposed to help me have a deild.

Legend: Dream , Semi-Lucid , Lucid

Church clothes:
I find myself attending some church service, i remember that i don't want to be here but i had to. It's early in the morning. After the service was over, i start to go home and take a nap before i have to come back at 3. As i walk out of the church, i see a girl i know. I open my mouth to say something, but i'm in too much of a shock from seeing her that i can't say anything. I walk past her and i'm still a little surprised she was here. I get home and i'm at my grandparents house. I go to their bed and sleep. I wake up at about 2:45 and i start to get ready to go back. As i get ready, i notice i can't find my clothes. I start asking my grandparents but they don't help.

Storming baseball:
I remember being outside near my house throwing baseballs or something. Then it starts to rain hard. A person who appears to be my rival is next to me. It starts to rain so i get an umbrella and start to leave but my master tells me to stay. So i drop the umbrella and go back to throwing but in the rain this time. I pick up a baseball and as i squeeze the ball to throw it, there's a hole in the ball and this black oil-like substance is flowing out. That's about all i can remember, i know that this dream had a deeper plot to it but i forgot.

Borderlands defense:
I'm in borderlands 2 and me and a friend are on a tower shooting crawling monsters. I kill one and it drops health upgrades but a girl takes them.

comments: Well, that wasn't really much at all, tonight, i will do better. ( i mean it this time!)

7/17/13

last night bed 12am - 8:30am

DR - I wrote down some keywords at night. "Backpain, classmates, school looking for printouts, LDing

Around noon I layed down and listened to my Yoga Nidra MP3. Barely like 4 min into first part - "Surveying your body", I suddenly got into this very weird and pleasant state.

I lost feeling of contact with sofa. As if I was floating on water bed made out of energy. It was moving like a waterbed would, slight wavy sensations and energy.

This part "survey of body" is guided meditation. Voice is telling me to pay attention to certain parts of the body and to experience them any way I can. Either feel the skin, bones and such, or experience it as energy.

I my mind I said "energy" and when thinking of parts of body, I was first time actually able to feel them. Like "top of my head" I was actually aware of it and felt it. Same with knees, ankles and so forth.

It put me to sleep rather quickly.