non-lucid

I am inside an airport, watching security people accost Magnus Carlsen, the current world champion of chess. At every turn they are pulling at his shirt and wrestling him against the wall. He is trying to leave the airport to get to his limo. I am told they are attacking him because he is the world champion. The scene at the airport fades and I am teleported to a sports stadium with Garry Kasparov. We are sitting in the front row and watching a chess match take place inside a boxing ring. I hear the announcer say, "Max Dlugy" and it appears Max is a coach for one of the fighters. One of the fighters is sitting on the ground with pink-dyed hair. His native language is German. In turn, this pink-haired fighter is himself a coach -- and he is coaching a female player.

Apparently, this is a match where the coaches are directly involved in the competition. The players fight the players, and the coaches fight the coaches. And each player has a coach and each coach is coached by someone else. It reminds me of an onion, unfolding more and more layers. Or those bulbous Russian Matrioshka dolls, where one doll fits inside another, which fits inside another, which fits inside another, et cetera. Kasparov is standing next to me and I am thinking of joining in the competition, even though I am nowhere near the strength of the other players. But I figure I'll still have a fighting chance, since Garry Kasparov is my coach. Dreamt 1/05/2017

18-Jan-2017 - ND fragment + 2x confused WILD

ND: Fragment about using some long, thin white plastic bars as weapons (?)

2AM WBTB, fall asleep right away

4AM wake-up, no recall, attempt WILD, partial success
WILD:
Several fragments:
- A meeting with colleagues, then knowing I am dreaming I cut out the window and fly off
- Meet two horses in a pen
- Three girls, I get to see well the rightmost two, scene fades quickly

5:45AM wake-up, attempt WILD with more focus, partial success
WILD:
I try continuing yesterday Jungle Guerrilla, from the point where I meet Rachele
I am somehow successful, I am human size, explain her I need my mission.
I need a vehicle. I take a banana from a nearby tree, put it in the ground, increase its size to ride it.
However, looking down, I see my child, smiling at me. I am confused. I tell him to go away since it's a dangerous area.
I pick a cardboard box, put it onthe ground, we sit inside and it moves.
<JUMP> Dream scenery change, can't recall
Later on, on foot again, I take the girl's hat, shape it like a motorbike, increase its size and we ride it.
<JUMP>
A fragment in which I explore a building, I stabilize fairly well (rubbing hands perhaps?), environment is stable, but scene changes
<JUMP>
A fragment in which I read a dense page of printed text. I can read the single words fairly well
<JUMP>
More fragments, lot of confusion, poor recall

17-01-2017

Nothing recalled.

18-01-2017

Fountain of wish

I was roaming around my backyard, checking all buildings just out of boredom, when I met my younger sister in one of them. She told me a story about a fountain that makes wishes come true when you drink from it and make a wish. As she told the story, I could see enormous, grassy hills and a tall cliff with ruins of an ancient fortress. The fountain was standing in the middle of a square, water that shone constantly pouring out of it. I told her that we really should find this fountain.

Rooftops

I was in some industrial era city, it was a warm, sunny day. Smoke was getting out of chimneys, rubbish littered streets with beggars trying to get anything of use in their hands. However, there was a completely different society above it. People lived in attics which could be accessed only through rooftops. Rooves acted like streets, and were much cleaner than those below. Those who lived on the rooftops were much more happy than anyone living down in the city, but the way to them was dangerous. I tried to get there, taking the only possible path - through factory. Jumping between mechanisms and dodging deadly smashers, I finally got up to a platform adjacent to a tower, through which I got an easy access to rooftops.

Farming

I left a farmer house and went to garage, where a tractor was waiting. I got inside and drove out of garage, then drove to hook up a plough, then drove to a field. I plowed through the whole field, hooked a cultivator and cultivated the field, then with a planter I planted soya beans.

Contest & friend

I was sitting in a room, watching TV. I was completely bored, the house was empty as everyone left somewhere. I went to kitchen and took some cola. Then a kinda ugly girl entered the house and told me about some contest that we have to take part in. She left and my family came back, they reminded me about that contest. My good friend appeared with them, for a while I was wandering around the house, passing by my friend. Each time I passed by him I said something like "Nope, nothing here." or "Haven't seen/heard a thing." Eventually I greeted him and we went to a living room where everyone was sitting. We took laptops, I checked the one that friend brought as he wanted me to fix something in it.

01/17/2017
Dream Fragment One
Untitled
All I remember is that I woke up to some guys coming into my house, like they owned the place. I think they were supposed to be of some relation to my landlord and his son. They pretty much just made themselves comfortable, as if they were going to be staying for quite some time - one of them posting up in my windowsill and just gazing reverently at the outside world. I also remember that I was on the second floor of a two-story house.


Dream Two:
"Pencildragon"
(Lucid)

I was at some outdoor carnival or festival, held out in some rural field at dusk. Munching on cotton candy while I walked, I spontaneously realized that I was dreaming. Immediately, I was surprised at how much I could smell and taste the cotton candy (I have very few experiences with tastes and smells in lucid dreams), and even though the dream already felt very clear and grounded, I decided to take a few moments to touch my surroundings, running my hand along the wooden frame of a wooden kiosk nearby. Raising my free hand up in front of my face, I saw that my fingers were very wavy, which was a bit at odds with the solidity of everything else around me.

Quickly, I tried to think of what I had planned to do with my lucidity once attained it, before I'd gone to bed. I remembered the 'Tasks of the Month' and that I wanted to try the pencil task (which was to "ask a pencil to draw something for you"). I turned back to the kiosk, expecting to find a pad and pencil there, in which I could do the experiment. Sitting atop the counter, I found a pad and a few, loose, colored pencils. I picked up one pencil - blue, I believe - and set it in the center of the pad. Without speaking, I attempted to "will" the pencil to draw something for me. The only thing I remember, about the actual process, was the pencil moving back and forth and making a few scribbles, but it ended up drawing a (quite simplistic) dragon. (One of the art pieces I have been brainstorming on, in waking life, has been a dragon. I haven't yet drawn the final draft, but I did draw a dragon thumbnail, about a week ago).

Satisfied that I had completed the task, I took to the air and flew away from the carnival to do some exploring. While flying over the wide, green fields of the early evening countryside, I looked below me to see an actual dragon, roaming around the landscape and idly blowing plumes of fire at random. It had sort of a cartoonish, video game feel to it (I had been playing PlayStation VR, before bed - no dragon games, though), and felt as if it was just a manifestation of the dragon that was drawn on the paper. I decided not to bother with the creature and continued flying over the field. I don't really remember anything afterward.

17/1/17
Dream 1: I was at my grandparents house for a party. A young woman, half african and half french was there. She was very beautiful and at one stage we both met in the hallway and she dragged me into the bathroom and we got it on, it was rather fun.

Dream 2: I was an axe murderer in a large house with one other person. I was leading them on in a slow chase around the house, where they were discovering the corpses of everyone else I had killed, except I was pretending it wasn't me to lull them into a false sense of security, until we got to the top and I pulled out the axe and did the deed.

Dream 3: I was looking for a house to live in near williamstown. I checked out a couple of apartments on a street which were within my price range and one of them was quite nice, also next to a friend. I took a shower in one of them.

This dream was what I recalled this morning following the intention: My intention for tonight is first and foremost to wake up and remember my dreams. Secondly I feel like I am approaching a cross-roads and I feel uncertain about where to place my efforts, so I would be thrilled with some assistance from my dreams in this respect. But foremost I trust my dreams and want to remember whatever they bring. It feels as if it is relevant somehow and I will use it as an opportunity to practise both descriptive evocative writing as well as Jungian interpretation methods.

I am pondering the idea of going to Mexico, which appears much as you perceive a fantasy or mnemonic ideation in the waking state – the incipient sense of an image, a map perhaps, appearing before my inner eye.

I direct my attention outwards and find myself in the passenger seat in Steen's silver-grey car, although I am inside the car I can clearly see the matte nuance of the silver grey colour on the outside of the car. My dad is in the back seat, and he seems gleeful and excited though he doesn't say or do much during the dream. We are going on a trip, and my dad and Steen are there helping me out, as it is mainly me going on a mission.

It is pouring down outside, it is clouded and grey, which produce a darkish hue. We are at a ticket office, which resembles a mixture between a gas station and a junk food drive in. There are two protruding window tills on our right hand side and above an almost square section of roofing is covering the pavement next to the windows, providing some cover for the rain outside.

We drive slowly towards the first of the two window tills – one for ordering another for picking up the tickets – and as we do I feel something bump into the car towards the back, which also produce a mild audible thump. I look out the window and backwards to see if Steen has accidentally hit one of the massive concrete columns extending from the building. He is really close but I can't see any damage done to the car.

I lean back in and Steen switches on the radio and the GPS system. The audio-scape is flooded with remnants of old mobile conversations, radio clatter and noise. I feel uneasy and a bit confused, as it is supposed to be a GPS system, providing guidance. Steen remains rather calm and composed and simply asks the GPS if it is there, and it dawns on me that it is a voice activated system.

“I am here” a clear loud and direct female voice responds, which is a tremendous reassurance.

Steen proceeds to drive forward and I wonder why I don't have to open the window to get the ticket. “It isn't necessary when you have one of these” he says and points to a rectangular electronic device, with an old school digital display in the bottom right corner of the front window, just in front of me as it would seem. It is essentially a device that registers that he has been here and automatically charges him for the ferry ride, which is what the ticket office is for.

“So we are going to Iceland” he says, and I feel at first excited, but then a bit concerned because we will be sailing and we are supposed to go to either Mexico or the Faeroe Islands as well today and I am afraid we won't have time. I think about this only briefly before relinquishing the thought at aspiration to do all of these things.

We look at a map and a black marker line appears that takes us from the ticket office “to Odden” which on the map is a full scale island, elongated and egg shaped except for a very pointed en on the right hand side. The black line takes us to the top and centre of the island, where the port town is based, from where we will board the ferry to Iceland.

End of dream.

In this interpretation I will start by breaking down the dream into its constituent motifs, and run free associations on them.

There is a preceding map, an idea of a journey – which implies a plan and a set destination it also represents an overview of a trip, which can symbolise knowledge of where I am going in life. This is particularly salient as I am taken somewhere else than what I had “mapped out”, which excites me although the expectation of having to go somewhere specific within a given time frame becomes a source of frustration and tension/restlessness.

The car is a solid and large station car, it is silver grey – the colour symbolising the silver grey snake-like pathway through space I frequently perceive in meditation, cannabis and psychedelic states also symbolising the spiritual cord often reported as seen in OBEs.

The car is a symbol of my body, it is in good shape and the fact that my dad has been relegated to the back seat can be an expression of our recent confrontations and my insights on how he has dominated the development of my low self-esteem though his parenting style. He is now put in the back seat, representing that I still carry him with me and care for his approval and love, yet this aspect is no longer the driving motivating psychic energy for my aspirations for life – such as “save the world and become super famous”, which is simply a conditioned tendency I have developed as I felt under appreciated and unseen as a child.

Steen is an old friend of the family, both my mum and dad – I associate to him that he recently helped me out with cheaply renting his summer house to me following an Ayahuasca journey where I wanted to stop smoking and I didn't feel for returning to my parents' house where I currently live right after. At this time he said to me that he sees how my dad communicates to people and told me that one would get insane living in that environment constantly, which felt extremely pleasant to hear as someone external with knowledge of my dad seemed to understand how hard it can be. Recently my mother expressed – in a sober state – that it can be extremely challenging for her to live in that and that friends of the family finds it a challenge to be around him as well. With Steen in the driver's seat I feel that I have taken a step towards taking control of my life and am grateful for the moral support of individuating myself from my dad, who has – without fault of his own or even consciously – dominated much of my life, through establishing uncertainty both with regards to a fragile self-esteem but also the messianic and grandiose drive to save the world to finally be worthy of his admiration and love. Steen represents a new found aspect of myself that is compassionate and understanding towards why I have turned out as I did as well as the drive to liberate myself from the clutches of my dad.

The rain outside symbolise a torrential state of affairs with regards to my emotions – since my last Ayahuasca journey it is as if a lid has been removed and my libido is now coursing freely upwards, which result in more passionate responses and an easier time setting boundaries. It could also symbolise the fact that I am expending a lot of emotional energy in response to external uncontrollable aspects of the world, which is reminiscent of the saviour complex alluded to earlier.

The ticket office could symbolise a public institution, such as the Health Authorities which I have recently been in contact with, with regards Ayahuasca. I might be approaching, or at least that is how I perceive it, a point where I am close to getting in trouble due to my enquiries, yet no harm is done yet. The whole point of issuing a ticket could represent my thinking on Ayahuasca's precarious legal status and potentially in the future thinking of a license model for practising, where the dream hints at that license is nothing that comes from the outside but an internal license, a calling (electronic ticket system).

The GPS and radio system is particularly interesting to me. The clatter represents conditioned thinking and the attention I pay to outward clues for finding out how to direct my life. However when I look closely the “ancient mother” (female GPS voice) is there and is capable of taking me in the direction I need to go. The trick is to ask and learn to listen for what is coming from within and ignore restrictions I put on myself based on external sources of esteem and approval.

The fact that I am concerned with the duration of the trip represents a problematic aspect of how I relate to life in an impatient way. I am lacking trust in life unfolding as it is supposed to. This is related again to the map I saw in the beginning of the dream, which representative of how I tend to construct expectations of how life SHOULD unfold and I am operating under an assumption that I need to go somewhere specific and I need to go there quickly. In essence this result in an escapist approach to life, where I am not allowing it to unfold on its own terms and cannot fully embrace and meet events in a curious, compassionate and open way.

The end of the dream I see the ocean and the beach sort of imaginatively overlapped onto the map with the black line. I take it to symbolise that I am still in the process of letting go of my tendency to construct expectations and narrow definitions of success, but I will shortly arrive at a position where I let go and let Life overcome me and simply concede to the abrupt changes that are about to happen, with excited anticipation and joy in letting whatever happens happen. The fact that it is a sailing trip could represent a recognition of the potent force of the collective unconscious, and my submitting the stubborn fantasy that I am in control and surrendering to the collective collected wisdom of the evolution of Life itself.

Reconstructing the meaning from associated and elaborated ideas.

So a potential message from the dream could be that I am still constructing expectations of where and how life should take me. This becomes a source of frustration when I run into unexpected opportunities and twists of fate.

My dad has been a source for grandiose and messianic ideation, due to his belittling and command-like style of communication, from where he will never explain why he commands, reminds, reprimands, but simply asserts himself in a supercilious tone of voice. Since we have widely different interests in life and he has proclaimed that he has no interest (or capacity) in trying to understand me I have since very early childhood developed these tendencies as a way to garner his approval, which is already there he has just never shown it in a way I could understand it when younger. The fact that he is relegated to the back seat symbolise that I am relegating the grandiose and very ambitious saviour identities – and associated expectancies – to a position where they are no longer “driving me”.

The downpour contrasted with the comfortable, sturdy and undamaged quality of the silver grey car, can symbolise the progress I am making with meditation, where I have found an easier time dealing with painful emotions, as well as physical symptoms. They aren't allowed to penetrate to my core and when I continue the exercise I will strengthen my capacity to sift out the “radio clatter” (which can also signify the attribution of value to others' judgement of me) and listen to the voice of my heart, represented here by the Anima archetype, my deity in prayer – Mother Gaia.

The ticket office close call could symbolise that I need to tone down my activities with certain authorities to avoid getting in trouble, especially because I already have an inner license to pursue my dreams.

The trip to Iceland represents where I am headed next, which isn't a literal journey, although that might be fun also. In fact it might be very useful as it is Steen guiding me, which could mean a pointer to a place of safe haven, which he provided following my last Ayahuasca journey. However I have also recently considered reading up on mythology to get a better understanding of the empirical data that underpins the theory of the archetypes. This journey serves as a pointer towards examining Nordic mythology and shamanistic/divination cultural history.

In short. With particular reference to the intention here I am being reminded that uncertainty is OK, cause if I try and envision or anticipate a direction I will form an expectation, which will lead to suffering when life takes me elsewhere. As long as I listen to my inner voice the direction is guaranteed, so I should just continue the work of being better at letting go of old ways of thinking and sharpen my attention on what matters instead of the clatter. Then a further dive into the Nordic mythology is in store.

D1 - At my parents house, and it's breakfast time in the kitchen. There is loads of stuff on the table ready to prepare for breakfast. I am annoyed that no one is making breakfast and is only sitting there.
I make some cereal but my sister spills it on the floor. I pick it up and go to the back door (which is actually the front door and is never used) and there is a large black dog/bull thing, rather menacing. I throw the cereal out the door (we used to feed food to the birds in our garden).

wbtb
D2 - On an island , I get to the end where there is a small hill next to the sea. On the hill is a person who asks to borrow 500 and then another 500. And I have long discussion with them.

VPN Presentation
I'm standing in front of a group of my coworkers preparing to give a presentation. My first Powerpoint slide is already on the screen. Before starting the presentation, I open with a brief prayer. My first slide covers why we should be using Linux. I describe how much Linux support has improved over the last few years, highlighting how easy it is now to use a presentation remote to switch slides. Now I've moved onto my main topic, how to use a dual VPN. I briefly discuss the benefits of a dual VPN solution then spend a few more minutes talking about security implications. On a new slide I show the results of running a few varieties of Rainbow Crack against both singe- and dual-VPN solutions. The dual solution is actually slightly weaker (averaging about 30%, with some algorithms as bad as 50% and others with almost no difference). Even so, the weaker security shouldn't actually make a difference in normal day-to-day workloads.

Now I'm answering questions from my coworkers. One of them starts rolling around on the ground in a strange attempt to demonstrate how a particular crypto algorithm works; when everyone stares at him dumbfounded, he just returns to his seat, but a few minutes later he jumps up saying that he's solved the problem.

I actually had some great dreams last night, PLUS I remember some of them.

In one, there was a pregnant woman in a deep bathtub. She was going through something dangerous (?) and wanted to ensure her baby survived. I watched as the water hardened to ice. I heard the baby's heartbeat slow and then stop. There was a man, a doctor, beside the tub and I then heard his thoughts 'the child will live. It's too bad about the mother though'. My view zooms out and I see the water covered the woman above her nose and she drowned to death. The man was about to cut the baby out of the woman but then time sort of froze.

There was another man. He wanted to save the woman even though he had been shot. He reversed time until right before the woman died, then froze time so he could get her out of the water. The doctor could see the ripple though and was about to stop him.... and the dream ended.

Another dream was of me at the Kingdom Hall. A favorite Elder had returned and I was very happy to see him.

I dreamed one of the girls came into my room to take some milk (I have a mini-fridge in here).

Gah! I had one other awesome dream but I have forgotten it.

Oh yes, Fitbit: 5:49AM-2PM Restless 11 times for 2 hours 2 minutes. Total sleep 5hrs 2 minutes.

Just here to throw down some fragments I suppose.

First (two fragments?)
A brief dream that I was a swordswoman with an amazing glowing orange firesword, dressed in vibrant red. I was protecting another swordswoman in some sort of castle level in a video game. Specifically, there was a moment where she would be attacked by some warrior, and I would block the heavy blow with my sword. It was super amazing and epic and my character was rad as hell.

Later, I was playing this game with either my boyfriend or my brother, using xbox controllers. At this point, it shifted into a Lego version of the game. The other player was being the main character/swordswoman, and I was now a gunman.

And then (a dream)
Dreamed I was at some sort of restaurant with my father and sister. The place consisted of many buffet areas in a ring, with the floor sloping up and down as it went.

At first, I was just trying to grab food like they were, but I kept losing my plate somehow. There was also a moment where the little girl behind me, part of a large family, kept physically pressing up against me as she waited in line; even when I moved forward she would move with me, until I whipped around and practically snarled at her and her family to back off. (Part of me was thinking that this was sort of odd.)

After giving up on the actual buffet function of the restaurant, I started skating around the place. I was wearing clunky shoes that could slip along the hardwood floors as though I were skating, and I started using that to get around the place, effectively turning it into a racetrack. First, I was simply trying to keep up with my family as they navigated to various buffet areas, but soon I was simply racing around the place because it was fun.

And then the place turned into a sort of gaming level, where people could race around the ring with fake guns trying to hit as many targets as they could. My boyfriend was there suddenly, absolutely acing the level and having a great time, when suddenly the police burst in with a freaking SWAT squad, ostensibly because there'd been a shooting. I couldn't stop my momentum and ran right into a policewoman with my gun, and they were all saying to drop any weapons, but I sort of figured that since my gun was fake that couldn't be what they meant. At any rate, I ended up in handcuffs laying on the floor, and so did a ton of the other people at the restaurant-turned-gaming-spot-turned-site-of-a-possible-shooting. Even kids, as it turned out, were not exempt from being handcuffed and forced to wait.

They also put some sort of retainer in my mouth, which hurt my teeth (and felt just like my old orthodontic retainer), and then put some kind of rubber retainer in on top of THAT one, and added a rubber noseplug thing besides. I just let them do all this, trying to be the most peaceful, nonviolent person they had ever handled (and somewhat masochistic besides, but they didn't have to know that). They hadn't done a great job with the handcuffs, so I tightened them a bit myself so they would have absolutely nothing to complain about, and waited. And then they also blindfolded me, but since it was a dream it didn't really work.

After a while my boyfriend showed up, miraculously unhandcuffed considering his previous status as Champion of the Shoot-Things Contest. I managed to crawl towards him and get his attention, and once he was kneeling next to me holding my hand I felt nice and peaceful. And eventually the police were like YUP EVERYTHING'S COOL NOW and I was able to get rid of all the weird shit they'd put on me, feeling rather sore. I woke up with my teeth still hurting.

And also I just remembered (another dream)
An odd dream that I was some old man's hostage in his car. He was railing about things he was paranoid about, and I was figuring that I should play along until it was over, when I suddenly realized that he was driving us directly towards the ocean. I panicked slightly, but figured that once the car was underwater I would just leave by going through the window, and then we were rollling into the waves and the car went underwater and tipped over off a 10 foot drop in the sand. I panicked a bit more but figured once the car had landed I would still have time to swim to the surface.

Then this odd thing happened, where I was holding my breath but knowing that I didn't really have to hold my breath. It were as though I were watching a movie, and holding my breath along with the main character as they swam, despite knowing it was fake (and I even remembered during the dream that some people do this). I think I/the main character may have made it to the surface, but by that point it felt like I was imagining the whole thing, trying to hold it together—and still not knowing it was a dream for some reason.

Wow okay I remembered way more than I thought I would nice.

I am at my uncle Dominic's house in West Palm Beach, Florida. The house has long, dimly-lit corridors in the dream -- corridors which do not look like this in reality. There are rooms off these corridors which are also unfamiliar. Guests are over for dinner. I don't know who these people are. I excuse myself to use the downstairs bathroom (there is no "downstairs" in his actual home). There are scorpions crawling around everywhere in the bathroom: all over the floor, on the shower curtain, in the bath tub. There is also a leak in the plumbing and water is pooling up on the ground. I am afraid that if I use the toilet, the bathroom is going to flood even more after I flush it.

I decide to go back upstairs to use the toilet there. On the way upstairs, however, I get sidetracked and venture outside where I run into his neighbor, an African-American lady sleeping on a hammock on her front porch. I awaken her to ask if she would like to have a new roof put on her house. The back of her house sports a beautiful Spanish-style tile roof; the front, however, is missing shingles and has no decking. It looks as though a tornado had destroyed it years ago and it was never fixed. She tells me she is interested. At that point, I remember I had to use the bathroom, so I tell her I can help her get a new roof, but first there was something I needed to do. As I head back over to uncle Dominic's, I notice I am completely nude (a missed dream sign). I am determined now to do two things: use the bathroom, and find my clothes.

As I enter into the house, I pass an Italian-looking guy who looks like he's in the mob. He is talking to my uncle in the kitchen, using his hands to gesticulate. An attractive older woman is standing next to him. I go upstairs and use the bathroom. While sitting on the toilet, I look around and notice all different kinds of clothes hanging from the walls: jeans, slacks, shirts, etc. All the articles of clothing are of the same color and pattern -- red and black striped -- and all the clothing is in pairs. As I am wondering what this means, a young kid enters and says he needs to get his clothes. His clothes are in very close proximity to me; some of the articles are even touching my legs and arms as I sit on the commode. As he collects his clothes, I try to help him by reaching out to the articles nearest to me. As I do this, other people begin entering the bathroom, including the Italian guy. He pulls up a chair opposite from me and tries to engage in conversation. Other men join in, and suddenly it seems all my uncle's guests are up here in the bathroom with me. I want to get up and flush, but am too embarrassed to do so, given the circumstances. My hands are covering my groin and I feel trapped. Fade out.

In this next fragment, I am seated in a restaurant with a group of friends. We are planning our night out on the town. A nagging thought keeps hitting me: My time would be better spent studying and preparing for my exams so I can fulfill the requirements needed to graduate (another missed dream sign). Two geeky guys are sitting across from me. They lean over and whisper in my ear that I if play some jazz guitar tonight, they'll hook me up with some girls looking for action. Dream recall fades. Dreamt 1/04/2017

Wild after 5 hours. melatonin before bed, galantamine after waking up.


I'm in my dining room near the back door. It's dark. I see A behind the bar of the kitchen. And realize she's still at work. I look at her and her face is weird, smeary. Huge clownish red lips. I say out lout. "Your face looks weird. Your face looks weird. your face looks weird" the first two seem ok but the last one is all mumbled and garbled.


New scene. I'm in an apartment, bright and white. There's a porno shoot going on. The man who is running the shoot is making weird demands of the girls and they seem uncomfortable. I ask him to leave and he does. We talk about how old school it was. We are gong to resume shooting after the talent goes tot are a break. There is a beautiful asian woman by the fridge and I ask her if she wants to fool around. She smiles and says "you know it" and goes to the back of the house near a bedroom. There's another woman standing in the kitchen with me and i walk over to her and start groping and kissing her a little. She's resistant so i leave her alone. I make way way to the back of the house and get to the bedroom I see the asian lady sitting on the bed and I ok at her and say "increase lucidity a few times. Same thing happens mouth like marbles. I rub my hands together to stabilize and get too excited. The dream fades into a display of fireworks.


I hold still and try to come back into the dream and catch a couple of brief glimpses but don't make it.


Hanging around in a living room watching a tv parade about the world ending. There are Elmo's an shit riding bicycles and holding signs about the world ending. Very brown room. TV is huge. I'm talking ito the people in the room about how weird it all looks and I'm saying I might be dreaming. I' do the nose pinch a few times and it's stuffy but I can breathe. I tell them the reason I know i am not dreaming is because I can breathe when I hold my nose. Then I'm like. Wait, that's not right. I check again and realize I am dreaming. I tell them, holy shit I am dreaming. They say how do you know? I say watch "I"m gong to jump into the TV."

Then I Jump into the TV like it's a portal. I turn around and see them a nd wave then I go flying. More of a jump at first and I'm floating around a bit and I look at my. Hands and make my fingers long then I make my long fingers sprout fingers.



I land I"m outside ina. Parking lot and an old shit car pulls up with pretty women. They want me to get in the car with them. One of the girls in the back seat is laughing the other is mad. I they tell me only one door works but then that's a joke. I tell them about the film festival and make a joke and one of them laughs I tell them I have a 20% success rate and they all laugh.





I'm hanging with with some giant football;; [layer dudes. They are moving furniture. One makes a comment that a big athelete type could help i with this crazy big couch. I start singing "it ain't me babe, no no no." But then i do help them move the couch outside.

Starting to recall some longer dreams again

+ ship game: FP view, "full-screen" graphics. View out of the cockpit of a plane/ship, taking off and landing on bases amongst hills. Getting a large team together, flying in formation, approaching and trying to figure out how to use the refueling mother ship. Reading directions, come back to body, there are switches that must be thrown in a particular combination in order for the refueling/resupplying to work, I'm carrying the cheat-sheet with me and looking at it and adjusting the settings.

+ driving downtown medium-sized city like B in daytime. Trying to determine the correct routes/allowed turns, making turns at green lights

+(f) there is a guy who is older and a great runner, it's unexpected how good he is

+(f) walking up the sidewalk my friend is going to the (disco?), I walk past it and look to the right inside but there are only a few (large?) women in there. I see my friend just up the street at a (pizza?) place, he's laughing

+ reunion at WFP (college house w/friends), there is a guy down where DB lived I talk to him on the phone, I think of offering him a ride but he's coming on his own. As I float DO towards the reunion house I look down the long snowy street and try to see his little body in the distance walking but don't see it

+ I'm hooking up TVs which are hanging down from the ceiling and trying to figure out the wiring. There is B and S university TVs. They have different connectors. Someone comes and is listening to the report on the S TV.

+ I'm sitting on a bench in an alcove and thinking about having some "quality me time." I'm covering myself with a blanket. A guy comes and hangs around that that puts a damper on the whole thing.

Morning of January 17, 2017. Tuesday.



In my goal to strengthen my online journal against the fallacy of “dream interpretation”, I have, to the best of my ability, clarified this entry and recompiled the underlying meaning and root influences.

I am alone in an unfamiliar car in late morning, though which is implied to be my dream self’s car. I am parked near the center of the parking lot of Skogen’s IGA in La Crosse, logically facing south towards the store’s entrance. Although I am in America, the driver’s side is on the right. There are several other parked cars around, all with people in them. (Both the driver’s side being on the wrong side and all the cars in the parking lot illogically having people in them are dream-state indicators. Erroneous dream-state indicators of this type are so common, it seems to be a natural dividing mechanism to separate dream-state memory from real-life memory).

After a few minutes of looking around as I am seated behind the steering wheel (with no backstory as to whether there was intent to go into the store or to leave and drive elsewhere), an unknown male erratically drives a car around in the parking lot. There is machine gun fire from the car and someone (in the car) is hollering about a race. In the car are two males who are dressed as 1920s gangsters. It seems that everyone is being challenged to get away and to apparently hide somewhere. I am not sure if there is a literal finish line.

I decide to drive away as quickly as possible. I go down an alley which is seemingly the one behind the Loomis Street house. I drive into a large garage and get out of the car though sit near it in the semidarkness. It seems I may be safe here.

After a time, there is activity just outside in the alley. The gangsters are looking for the people who had driven away from the parking lot. I hear objects falling over just outside the garage but I remain still. I do not think they will find me.

Eventually, I look up and see a large circular hole in the ceiling of the garage and a giant human eye, atypically rendered in black and white, peers down through the hole. The eye and its movement has somewhat of a slight blurry effect as if a giant television was just above the hole in the ceiling, facing downwards. There are even a couple lines of “static” as the eye moves side to side as if in REM sleep, though it remains open, unblinking. I am not sure if I will be seen but I do not feel afraid. This surreal situation does not trigger any sense of it being impossible.

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Step-by-step explanation for the inexperienced:

In my dreams, sitting in a car in a parking lot (or simply being in a parking lot) is a biological indicator of being in bed and typically represents the last stage of a sleep cycle, the subliminal “waiting period” for the increase in beta neural activity (13–30 Hz). This has been validated from the study of hundreds of parallel examples since early childhood. There is no reason to assume that the parking lot is “symbolic” of anything in real life, which does not even make any sense other than perhaps to people falling prey to the Barnum effect of “dream interpretation”.

My dream self typically runs away simply out of the lack of enthusiasm over waking up (more obvious in this case as I subliminally knew what being in the parking lot meant even though my dream self did not), though which is random and completely unrelated to how I view sleep or waking in general (and after all, every day is different). My dream self typically runs away from the more dominant preconscious (until the emergent consciousness is linked and activated), which most often has absolutely nothing in common with me or of any relevance to my waking life. It is not known whether the noise outside the garage, another form of liminal space, was based on real environmental noise, but it seems likely, especially as the REM symbolism was activated right afterwards.

The very last scene, an intriguing indicator of being in REM sleep, was directly influenced by the “Don’t Open Till Doomsday” episode of “The Outer Limits” television series, which I had not seen in years and first watched as a child while I drifted in and out of sleep and lucid and semi-lucid dream states. (This was a major influence that heightened my interest in various levels of consciousness.) The episode, on one level, is a perfect metaphor for the conscious self subliminally “watching” the fictional dream self. In fact, my dream even included the black-and-white television imagery from the original show, even including the static.

Finally, there is another layer of meaning. In this case, it is almost like an analogy to my life. In order to viably clarify it, I must quote part of an original summary of the episode: “In 1929, a pair of young newlyweds receives a mysterious box-like object wrapped as a wedding gift with a cryptic label reading ‘Don’t Open Till Doomsday’. Unbeknownst to his bride, the bridegroom is zapped by a beam of light emanating from this object when he removed it from the wrapping, and seemingly disappears out of existence. In 1964, an eloping couple arrives at the house in the hopes of using it as a honeymoon spot, now a half-derelict mansion owned by Mrs. Kry, an eccentric old woman who turns out to be the aforesaid bride, driven to insanity after her husband disappeared. After the younger bride herself disappears inside the box, it is revealed that Mrs. Kry has been luring young couples to her house, in the hope of 'trading’ them for her lost bridegroom, with an alien intelligence residing inside the box.”

How does this relate to me and my life? The box represents the fictional and contained form of a dream limited by a total lack of understanding of dreams (that nearly all “interpreters” exhibit), or believing that a dream relates only to current real-life status. This is like an alternate timeline (in metaphor) of what could have happened if I (or Zsuzsanna) had believed in “interpretation” (“receiving the box”) when I was growing up. That is, I would not have ultimately learned that the “mystery girl” of my dreams, rather than being “symbolic” or of solely being another aspect of myself, was actually literally precognitive of my eventual joining with my “mystery girl” Zsuzsanna. This is pure truth.

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Curious marker: This dream was on the morning of January 17, 2017. The episode of “The Outer Limits” that influenced it was from season 1, episode 17.

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Futuristic military scene, videogame-like, healing gel (that you had to squirt all over you), I'm hurt so I fall behind. We rush to the medivac/extraction chopper/VTOL. Someone (a female squad member) comes back for me and helps me onto the chopper/VTOL (she yelled at me to hurry, I tell her to heal me so I can run properly). The craft flies away in third person.

Futuristic world, a lot of metal. Some kind of airport? Flying cars (a Fiat, no wheels) and others vehicles with AG drives. It was still a military installation, I think. I learn I can hover and possibly fly. Someone (still a woman) sees, and informs me non-vehicular flight is not allowed here. I see a sign, indicating human flight is indeed illegal here.

Vision resembling scene from "Another Earth"? Other Earth in the sky.