side notes

This is a strange one. I dreamed that my husband and I were having some work done on the back of our house. He had hired two guys to do most of the work. One of them was an older, short and kind of stocky man from Mexico. He apparently had a crush on me and liked to follow me around. Nighttime came, and my husband and I were getting ready for bed. The workers were supposed to have left much earlier. I was turning out the lights in the kitchen when I saw someone move outside the window. I shut off the lights immediately and ran to hide in the front part of the house. It looked like the worker with the crush, but why was he there so late? Suddenly, I heard footsteps. He had gotten in the house somehow! I hid in a small bed and covered myself with blankets. Surely he couldn't see me or know I was there in the dark. The footsteps got closer and closer and louder. Finally, I could tell he was in the room with me. I was near panic. I was could tell he was close by, and I was afraid he would try to restrain me. My heart was pounding. I wanted to scream so my husband could hear me, but no sound would come out. He kissed my ear instead.

I woke up immediately from this dream and sat up in bed. To my horror, there was someone standing beside my bed! I thought it was a home invasion. I jumped so hard and grabbed my husband with both arms. For once, he did not wake up. The figure looked like a tall and rather thin young man. He jumped back when I moved and appeared to be rather cowed, as if he had not meant to frighten me. We stared at each other for what seemed like a long while. It was dark, but I could see his form, just not his face. Then he faded away like mist. It was about 2:30 am. My heart pounded for awhile after this. My chest hurt like I was going to have a heart attack.

Perhaps my brain was slow to regain consciousness and my dream was pasted over reality somehow? If this was so, then why did the man change from how he looked in the dream? Why was I able to stare at him for so long? Or he could have been a ghostly visitor perhaps, and my brain made up the dream as a result of his visit?

First some side notes: I attempted to WILD last night but I thought I heard my phone vibrate and I was like "Oh, a text message".. it sounded just like it but it wasn't even my phone. It's driving me crazy that I checked my phone. I decided to go back to bed and try later in the morning because I had not slept yet. Ok, I know it works better when we have already slept for some time.. but darn.. I should of figured it was the auditory hypnagogia and just continued with it. I never got that far before. (I say that because I never heard so many sounds. I did hear other sounds to by the way.) I planned to do FILD, but I set my alarm clock to go off during 2 different times of the night and I set it incorrectly so it didn't go off either time. (Mom would have heard it if it did!)

Last night I had two dream fragments, both non-lucid.

The first was this:
I was in the kitchen by the toaster. There were two bags of granola. I was thinking "I guess Dad bought these two bags while we were down in Amish Country." My dad was next to me and I asked him if I could use the granola as/for cereal. He said I could. I don't know what happened next, but logical speaking I would have took the milk out and a bowl because I like to eat that type of cereal.

The second:

I was reading about recovering HDs on Wikipedia. I remember reading that it is possible to recover 40GB hard drives. Anything larger that than that (such as 160GB HD like they stated) has almost no chance of being recovered in the case of drive failure. I didn't like hearing that...

On a side note, my hard drive had a mechanical failure over a month ago and it is larger than 40 or 160GB by far and I still need to take it in to recover the data. For the past two or three days, I have been reading all about hard drives on Wikipedia and a few other sites.

I think my music teacher kidnapped me, all I remember was sitting on a strange and unknown bed in an unknown place, I am texting my friend and I can remember I was writing "I can't tell you" Then my music teacher brings me food, then there's a different scene this time it's outside my school and I'm doing a science project and then I see him in a car smiling at me. I can't remember which order the scene came in.

THE OLD MAN'S HOUSE
I was walking around a town with my friend. He was a DC who I've never even seen in real life. It felt like it was almost Halloween and the sun was setting. He saw an old house and we walked around to the back yard. It was surrounded on two sides by an old wooden fence and had a mini inflatable pool and an small, broken swingset. Closer to the house, the ground turned into a wooden floor that looked like it was rotting, and there was a big sliding door on that side of the house. We looked inside and saw a dark living room with a big rocking chair facing a TV. The whole house looked haunted. My friend wanted to go inside so we walk around to the front. I tell him it's not a good idea, but he goes through the side door. I'm inside now and he's upstairs. We explore the house some and go back to the back yard. There's an old man on the chair now and I'm trying not to be noticed. The way out of the back porch seems so far away, like the back yard turned into a long hallway. I make it through without getting caught and we walk away.

DEILD...ALMOST
I woke up and reminded myself not to move so that I could lucid dream. After what seemed like only a minute, I felt like a fell through my bed. I've done this before, but I wansn't expecting it to happen. I was excited that it was working though, and I tried to picture where I wanted my dream to take place. I remember imagining some open field covered with colored round bumps. After that I fell asleep, but didn't go into a lucid dream. I don't remember going into any dream. Sad day...

FRAGMENT
I remember something about a zombie. There wasn't a zombie in the dream though. Just someone talking about a zombie. Or something. Yeah...


Task for Tomorrow: Successful DEILD.

Well, I really had a pretty awful night last night in terms of dreams. I can recall a few fragments but nothing really worth writing down. I had to drive two hours for a CAP meeting, then drive back and I didn't get home until 11:00. So ya, it was pretty late before I got to sleep.

Now I am going to go to the Air Force Academy for a CAP encampment. It should be pretty sweet but I won't have time to focus on lucid dreaming. Go to bed at 10:30 and get up at 4:30. Yuck! I wil be gone for a whole week. So ya, wish me luck!

Woke 1pm
Flew along street, morning foggy whitish light. Quite Lovely.

ZOMBIE ALIEN MOVIE
I'm watching a movie. (Or maybe I'm in the movie, it's hard to tell.) A man with brown curly hair who looks kind of crazy is talking to his son while we walk onto a beach. This beach has been in so many of my dreams, I'm surprised I didn't recognize I was dreaming. The sand is full of rocks and shells and it's slightly chilly. The sky is darkened like it was going to rain. The man is talking to his son about zombies. I don't remember the first part of the conversation.
"Now, why couldn't the first zombie be from Kansas City?" akss the father. Kansas city was where we were talking.
"Because he would have to be infected by another zombie and wouldn't be the first," answers the son.
"Very good."
The father goes on to explain that patient zero has to be an alien species from another planet. He then takes of his mask to reveal that he's not human, but a creature that looks like a mix of Batman, Venom from Spiderman, and some crazy smiling cartoon character. He is a zombie alien.
He jumps (or flys maybe) toward a portal in the sky made of spinning clouds and lightning. The camera dramatically zooms in on his face and the movie looks more like an anime show now. He looks down at the boy and yells, "Wanna kill some humans?" The camera jumps to the boy, who now looks like a younger version of the alien, with the background like an anime fight scene. "Yeah!" he yells back excitedly. The father flys to the middle of the portal, where about ten superheros are sitting in wooden chairs and relaxing. "Batman!" He throws Batman out of the portal, to the ground. "Superman!" The same happens to Superman. "Mickey Mouse!" Mickey Mouse, with his sidekick, is also thrown to the ground. The sidekick makes a joke about Mickey purposely getting thrown out to try to hurt him while foating toward the ground in a bathtub with an umbrella. I woke up shortly after.

BEAUTIFUL MINECRAFT
I'm trying to install a mod on Minecraft. I create a new map to test it. I downloaded the wrong mod. I don't remember what I wanted it to do. The world is half hills with no trees and half dessert and thick forests spread out around the paths. The creator of the mod says to me through his microphone that it should work right. I tell him it isn't what I expected.
I'm now in the game, but it doesn't look like Minecraft. The forests are realistic and there are no blocks. The hills are smooth an beautiful and look mowed like a golf course (but there's no detail in the grass, the ground it perfectly smooth.) The green grass beautifully blends with the white sand and I walk down a path surrounded by the trees. The path splits many times but I always choose the path that is closest to the sun. Eventually, I find a large open plain up to the horizon with no more forests I see a few animals and maybe a village in the distance. I hear Mary's Song by Taylor Swift playing in the background (which is weird because I've only heard that song a couple times) and I notice that I'm dreaming, but I'm not really aware of the fact. I think to myself that the music is coming from my room in real life so I wake myself up. There is no music playing. And I completely forgot about lucid dreaming...


Task for Tomorrow: Have a lucid dream.

I also drank a glass of OJ, glass of apple juice and a glass of milk. I hear thats some good stuff for dreaming and sleep. I did this at about 9:00.

Well I continued on with the B6 and Magnesium as well as adding in B12 with the usual gian glass of water. Didn't seem to have any negative effects so I guess I will continue on with that. I did this at about 10:30.

Went to sleep at 11:00

I had been reading in the forums and came across that thread that is something like "Want lucids now? I can help..." and read about the timer thing. I think it is a really good idea and could work for me because I am used to listening to stuff anyways. I recoreded the timer with Audacity only out to the last 20 min. interval. I didn't want it infinitely repeating so that is why I did that. I am in a good habit of waking up at night after my REM cycles so I figured I would get some sleep and then start the timer. This must of been a false awakening because I could of sworn that I got up, checked the time, and it was 2:34. I also make vioce recordings on my MP3 player when I get up of my dreams. So I did that and was like "Ok, I guess I will start the timer now." So I go back to sleep. Next thing I know, its morning. I am thinking "What the heck? I set the timer and nothing happened. Didn't wake me up once. I even set it to do nine beeps!" Then I decideed to check my MP3 player. I didn't have any new recordings and the playlist was still on the binaural beats even though I had set it to the alarm.
Lesson learned... DO REALITY CHEKCS EVERY TIME YOU "WAKE UP".

So I guess I pretty much just slept right through the whole night.

Got up at 7:30

I had been reading about spuulements and vitamins for dreaming. I decided to try B6 (100 mg) and Magnesium (250 mg). I think they helped make the dream very vivid and thankfully I did not expierence the nightmares that people say comes with it. I will continue on with this for a while just to be safe.

I fell asleep at about 11:15 and tried going into SP. Although many people say it can't be done all of my vivid dreams seem to happen very soon after I fall asleep so I try to enter a dream from sleep anyways.

I had a bunch of vivid dreams my first REM cycle and woke up at about 2:30. I recorded them and attempted a WILD again. This time I felt even closer. My head started vibrating like it was doing a workout and the rest of my body seemed to melt into the bed. I really could only feel my head and was just starting to work on the breathing but I fell asleep. I think if I would of focused on re-entering the dream right then I could of made it.

I was rudely awakened in the middle of my REM cycle by the wind slamming my door shut. It was about 4:45 and I couldn't recall any dreams I was just having besides a couple of fragments.

Woke up at 7:30 and couldn't remember anything else.

Oh, hello.

I didn't know anyone still visited this dusty old place... There's plenty of tidying up to do, that's for sure. But in the Spirit of Procrastination™ I've created a (completely free) blog/resource that is relevant to my interests!

*link preemptively removed*

I have plans to re-write entries as pieces of fiction and post them there occasionally. Of course, that doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of what'll I'll eventually be doing. Most of you won't care, or be interested, but that's where my future guides (and ones not featured on DV) will be popping up, along with other insights that might help you achieve or understand lucidity in a new way.

If the staff is cool with it, I'd be more than happy to share these resources on DV, but it's not worth getting banned over.

Of course, the blog won't be all about lucidity, as restricting myself to a single topic would get boring fast....

Anywho.

Cheers!

P.S. I know "advertising" isn't allowed. There used to be a clause that allowed linking to free off-site resources, but I guess that's been nixed. Hence my preemptive removal of the link. If anyone would like to discuss this matter with me, I'll clear out some space in my inbox.

Over there,
Where a vacant lot densely filled with tall weeds,
Stood a tall tree for decades.
Villagers nearby had a strange story of a lost child, strolling;

“Ma… where are you?”

“Ma… I miss you.”

A motherless child blankly cries for its mother.
People tentatively speculate
An abandoned corpse lies beneath the tree,
Waiting and wandering

Mama……

A small tree at the time of a child’s death
Burgeons into a luxuriant tree.
The taller it grows,
Higher and farther a child visions.

Mama……

Avoiding and whispering
Supposedly about the damned tree.
Villagers feel the eerie note to a child’s voice;
Enamoring adroitly.
A warning goes into one ear out the other,
I look up for this infamous tree.

At the top its companion
There is a child wearing a raggedy straw hat,
Incessantly gazing at one place;

Mama……

A pitiful child with
Lingering attachment and memories
Still has eyes full of tears

I haven't posted in a while.
It's kinda difficult to find the time to do so with my current health issues. (It's nothing too serious I think, but it impedes me from doing activities that require a decent amount of brain power)
The few moments where I feel alright and I'm motivated to write, I spend it trying to somehow finish my masters thesis in time.
It's quite frustrating to know that it is going to take some more time until this will be resolved, because apparently it's perfectly normal to have to wait 10 weeks to get an mri done in this country. :/
Then again, we got fantastic healthcare, so I shouldn't complain.

Anyways, I don't really have the motivation to properly write down things that have happened in relation to the Templar story arc, but I figured I'd at least post something.
Something that is much easier to write.
So here's a random dream from last night which I thought was really cool, though I now realize that I'm going to have a hard time explaining why.
It's weird how that works, sometimes a seemingly normal event can be very emotional in dreams.



I'm in my bed, trying to fall asleep, when I notice that something is off with the lighting.
Normally my room is really dark at night, there's a few very faint green and blue lights from a switch and a file server in the room, but that's about it.
You really have to navigate the room by memories (if you don't turn the lights on), because it is too dark to make out anything.
But for some reason I can distinguish everything clearly, even though it's all pitch black.
What a contrast!

Fortunately I know this look very well.
Dark dreams! In my dreams darkness is usually compensated by a ludicrous amount of contrast, so I can see very clearly, even though it is really dark.
It is rather astonishing how many shades of black there really are, and how easily they can be distinguished if you aren't limited by the human eye.

I get out of bed and start exploring the house.
I don't bother thinking about my current situation or dream stabilization because I'm under the impression that I'm fully lucid.
This is however not the case.
I'm not thinking clearly, as I would in a "fully" lucid dream.
Yes, I'm aware that this is a dream, but I'm not thinking about doing cool stuff. No epiphanies or anything.
Just a mindless zombie strolling through the house, hoping to catch a glimpse of something extraordinary.

Once I am downstairs I notice that the scenery outside has changed rather dramatically.
This is not where my house is in waking life at all!
I go outside to explore more, and find that my house is now placed right next to a rather large lake.
It is perfectly still and reflects the sky like a flawless mirror.


Cool!
I start walking over it, something I often do in dreams.
Walking on water is really pleasant, if you do it barefoot that is.
The water is really cold and I get chills up my spine during my first few steps.

The sky is cloudless. It is perfect! There is no light pollution whatsoever. What a sight!
But then I realize that I'm not really lucid.
Or rather, I realize that I'm not thinking.
Exploring your own thoughts is an amazing thing to do in dreams, and has become my favorite way of stabilization.
If you're thinking clearly, dreams receive a huge boost in stability.
It's also a good way to calm down if you are easily excited.

Anyways, after some thinking I feel like I've gotten my brain to work adequately.
But oddly enough I'm not in the mood to leave this place, even though I am now fully aware that I can.
There is something very special about this scenery, and I'd like to stay for a bit longer.

I take off my t-shirt, noticing that it's a bit odd that I'm wearing one.
I never wear shirts to bed, especially not in the summer.
I lie down on my back.

It feels sooo good. My back touches the extremely cold water surface, which carries me easily.
I feel very floaty and stretch out my arms.

But even though this sensation is very enjoyable, blissful even, I cannot help but feel sad.
Because in this sky I can see so many stars.
Billions of them. And beyond them are billions of galaxies, containing billions of stars each.
And I'm here, on this rather insignificant piece of rock: planet earth.
Insignificant. That's really all I can think off.
In comparison to the size of planet earth we have explored less than a single grain of sand.
I feel alone. I feel stuck. I want to leave this planet.

I stretch my right arm out and grab onto the stars in my field of vision with my hand.
It's odd how I feel compelled to make this gesture even though nobody can see it but myself.
I want to go there one day. I want to go within my lifetime.
I want to explore this seemingly endless space.
But I realize that I have most likely been born too soon.
Why could I not have been born later, in an age where we are space explorers?

...

Well, that is just fucking depressing.
What is wrong with me?
I'm dreaming. It's all about experiencing the unimaginable. It's about having fun.
Yet here I lie, acting all melancholic.


But then one of the stars becomes slightly brighter.
For some reason I know that this is a super massive star that has just reached the end of its lifetime.
Its core has collapsed, releasing a massive shock-wave. A supernova!
During its lifetime it has fused hydrogen into heavier elements.
Helium, Lithium, Carbon, Nitrogen, Oxygen and many more.
And now, as its final act it is launching all of it into the vastness of space.

But these elements will inevitably find others. They will attract each other and slowly but surely clump together.
Some of them will turn into planets over the course of millions of years.
And with a lot of chance, one of these planets will be at a certain distance from a sun.
Maybe another smaller body will orbit it. A moon.
And maybe, if everything goes right, some of the elements this planet consists of will combine in a certain way.
And then there will be life... there will be another earth.
Because that's what life is.
That is what we are.
We are all made from stardust, forged within the cores of super massive stars.

And that is a really beautiful thought.
Because even though we might appear insignificant compared to the vast size of the universe...
we are special!
I mean seriously. What are the fucking odds?

And that makes me feel really great and I cannot help but smile.

Everyone has their own fears... well my greatest fear is the grudge. If i see her, i start to panic, breathe really fast, and start crying... yes I'm a little girl when it comes to the grudge but i try my best not to think of her. But i just remembered a dream fragment from THE DREAM MANSION, my house where i live in my dreams... i was having multiple dreams in that mansion. Well i remember walking around when i see her.. right front of me, right away i start to panic and i think okay just think of something different... focus... make her go away. And she disappeared, that was what scared me out of my sleep. I hope not to see her EVER AGAIN.

Date: 15/06/2012
Place: Friend's bed
Time of getting into bed: 01.10am
Entry written at 3.23am

Dream 1 - Lucid

I am talking to an 8 year old girl (a friend's daughter who I did see earlier in the day during waking hours) She is asking me how to tell if she is dreaming. Several times I hold her nose and tell her to breathe but she doesn't understand. I demonstrate on myself and am very shocked to find I can breathe through my plugged nose. The room spins madly and the girl disappears. I keep thinking 'oh my god, I'm dreaming!' and this sends my heart racing madly. I study my hand to 'stabilise' myself, but the shock of seeing hundreds of fingers on it makes me even more giddy. I am not scared but definately shocked, excited and a little worried. I decide to try and move before I wake up.

My vision is fuzzy and grainy, a bit like a TV channel that has not been tuned properly. I lift my arm to get out of the bed which I now find myself in, but my arm is heavy and there is suddenly a loud 'whooshing' noise in my ears. It is rather frightening but I try to keep calm. The noise does not go away, it is much like air rushing past my ears, or blood rushing to my head. Alongside this my limbs are tingling all over, and feel extremely weird. This is the most intense feeling, I know I am asleep but it really feels like I am in this dream world physically. The movement of lifting my arm sends my body into crazy sensations, and I feel like I am being pulled from my actual body into the dream world. This was a new, and memorable experience for me.

I slowly float into the air, not really controlling my direction but in a general direction I want to go. My partner who is now in the bed I just left is shouting at me angrily. I ignore him because I know it is only a dream version and he is not really mad at me, plus I don't want to miss this experience. I then float gently onto the floor, where I stay, kind of paralyzed. My partner continues to yell 'Get up, what are you doing on the floor! Stop that!' Which is very off-putting. After a few seconds of trying to move, I wake up in bed.

I am paralyzed in bed, and know that I can enter another lucid if I stay perfectly still and keep my eyes shut, however I am so excited that I open my eyes purposely, so I can record the lucid in my DJ. This was a choice as I didn't want to forget my very first lucid dream.

***NOTEWORTHY***
First lucid!
Used 2 x RCs
Was prompted by a DC
Could not move very well
Vision was very poor

Date: 14/06/2012
Place: Friend's bed
Time of getting into bed: 00.00

Dream 1 - Non lucid
We (me and partner) are going through a McDonalds drive through over and over again. Under our car seats are small kittens that are very cute.

Dream 2 - Non lucid
My sister is modeling dresses on a cruise ship. I am joining in but only because I know she will be angry if I don't, and I really don't want to do it. The dresses are bad taste and there are people watching. There are piles of clothing everywhere, my back is very sweaty I notice. A plastic pirate ship style toy boat is large enough for me to climb in, which makes it move in a very trippy way. I am then in the toilets squeezing into a dress way too small for me, there are people waiting to use the toilet but I am holding them all up. An old school friend passes by and says hi, I say hi back and they leave. Someone gives me some cheap, hotel style conditioner for my hair.

Dream 3 - Non lucid
There is a small, dead scorpion on my pillow. I am saving it to put in my ear later. I change my mind and decide to throw it away, in case it stings me.

Dream 4 - Non lucid
I am throwing plastic arrows, but I have no bow.

Dream 5 - Non lucid
I am in a beach style place, and smoking. I throw my cigarette butts on the floor into the sand so someone provides a very tall, green plastic cocktail glass to use as an ashtray. There are no more seats for me to sit on so I sit on a plastic, kids toy car. I am now crying (not sure why) but the car is comfortable.

***NOTEWORTHY***
I do not smoke anymore (quit sometime ago)
I have not seen the visiting school friend for around 10 years.
My star sign is Scorpio.