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Date: 24 Jan

Pre bed: 200mg val, 50mg B6

Wbtb: 1/4 latte

Wasn't very wakeful even though repeated mantras a few times, fell asleep rather fast, had a few non-lds I can't recall

DILD: I am having a tense conversation with this female DC I know. She starts criticizing me. I reply that as a revenge I will then do something to make her feel the same way she makes me feel with all her comments. While this is a rather habitual mental reaction, I notice that contrary to other times I don't feel anything at that very moment. Still, as part of my revenge scheme I take her and turn her upside down in front of all the DCs in the room to publicly humiliate her.

As I stare at her, I notice that she just stays there, like a motionless puppet and become lucid. We're in a very large meeting room with a long table in the middle and lots of DCs participating in some corporate event. I'm in a daring mood and decide it's time to defy social rules by getting on the table in the middle of this meeting. Then I almost lose lucidity being carried away by thoughts of how all of the world's problems may be solved by by issuing unlimited credit cards to the entire population.

I keep thinking about this issue as I leave the place and continue towards an unknown city center. There to help me focus more I shout out loud "I am dreaming". There was a slight instability so this helps me ground as well.

Then I remember the invisibility task and go in the middle of the road pretending to be invisible.There are cars coming from all directions but as soon as I pay attention to them, they hit the breaks and spin a bit. I turn around and the same thing happens again. Then I see this huge truck coming in my direction. I start waving hands, checking if the driver can see me. He doesn't hit the brake or slow down and the truck is quickly coming closer. I step to the side to avoid the impact. There's little space between me and the truck, my uncontrolled expectations cause it to fall sideways on top of me, where I feel this huge weight on me. I try to move and free my head, but this results in a physical feeling, which gives me the impression I have just moved in my bed. I expect to wake up any moment but get an FA instead.

I believe that I have woken up for real and the first thing I notice is this piano music coming from the outside. I'm actually in the neighbors where we used to live some time ago and look to find where the music is coming from. I see this girl that I remember (possibly from another dream but could be false memory) who got that piano there and something about her. As if that isn't enough, the balcony is crowded - many people in their 20s and 30s dressed with business attire as if attending some sort of event. I'm think this is just too much when I am trying to fall asleep and decide this can only be a dream, reminding myself that I was trying to ld. Can't member how, but it seems I lose consciousness after that and have another FA.

I think in the beginning, I'm looking from the window to see what's down but then the scene changes and we move to this wooden porch. I initially see this strange big animal that looks suspiciously like a DS, I can't tell what kind of animal it is. Then there is a smaller one and I'm still trying to identify the large one. I'm starting to have some real doubts about this and begin to count the animals, one now looks like a bear and can't remember the rest but there's four of them. I conclude this is a dream and go to interact with one of the animals. It looks like a very large black boar/tapir and as I place my hand on its snout, it bites me and it even hurts.

I move slightly to the left and examine the rest of the area, where I notice a number of elephant-like creatures. I think they are separated from the porch, but no cage, it looks much like in a zoo. At some point the elephants begin to distort in features, open mounts and start roaring very louldy in a generally unpleasant manner. I try to stop them by thinking I want them to stop, but nothing happens and more join the roaring event. I remain there staring at them as they do so, kind of calm, but there's also this deeper inner response to their roaring, which surely is what is affecting them. I think that the problem is exactly this feedback loop - I am thinking that they are roaring, therefore they continue roaring. Then conveniently, I recall the inivible task and think it can be applied quite nicely here. I think that I am invisible. To my genuine surprise, at this very moment all the roaring stops for good.

I'm curisous to how far I can take this with my supposed invisibility and turn around and try to sneak out, while carefully listening for any reaction. The dream fades.

Notes: I have reduced B6 dosage to 50mg as previously it made me too wakeful. Recent valerian series - characterized by difficult recall, lower lucidity levels and more bizarre occurrences, in particular animals.

1.01.14

Last night, bed at 10:15pm - 5am. Night before, bed at 2:30am - 5am.

As I layed down, I started getting flashes of images right away. I figured, I got REM rebound from short sleep night before.

Almost immediatelly, I got HH of geometric shapes. It was a large grid of black lines on white, as if back-lit surface. The squares were filled with strange, as if chinese characters. Few squares had a slightly bigger character in them, that was more like a graphic, not letter. As if old chinese stamp with maybe 2-3 vertical characters in them. Oh, I know, like an egyptian cartouche, only vertical.

Then all of a sudden I got scared. That's when I realized I'm wilding. I fell asleep soon after.

1.

I'm in a travel agents with two guys. They're trying to convince me flying is safe, but I'm having none of it. Suddenly I'm standing inside a plane that is taking off. I panic and tell everyone that we're all going to crash, but they stare at me blankly. The scene changes again and I'm looking through a large window at the plane which has landed. I'm proud that I've arrived at my destination.

2.

I'm flying over 19th century Glasgow tenement slums. Noticing that at the back of one of the tenements a door is ajar, I head down. Inside is a modern restaurant kitchen. Cooks are busy preparing food, and through an open door I see customers chatting and eating. Suddenly, Ewan McGregor strides in through the door. He is angry; apparently we're in love with the same woman. I tell him this is first I've heard of it, but for a second I think it could be a woman who works in the restaurant. Now infuriated, Ewan pulls out a toy gun and turns to start shooting customers. There is a massive bed sheet hanging from the ceiling behind him, though, and he slams into it, tangling himself up. He struggles for a few seconds before falling to the floor, still wrapped in the bed sheet. I laugh and call him an idiot.

Dream Fragment: I'm in this white kitchen, sitting at a white table. Someone is sitting across from me. My dream visual is behind their head and looking at what I'm doing, so I never get a good look at them. I'm eating cereal or something that requires milk because there's a milk carton on the table. The DC tell me we need to help the missing people on the milk carton so I pick up the carton to look and see three pictures of 3 missing people.

Time: Took a nap around 6am after sleeping too early the night before, woke up at 9 am

Who: myself, White, Eddie, Sommerer, Hinahon, Girl 1, MF Couple

Lost some memory, but girl 1 and I are intimate, we are having sexy times at various places in the huge house that has multiple bedrooms with full bathrooms in them. I remember there was another couple who was at the house with us, it could've been someone specific but I don't remember now. We were about to go to sleep and I remember trying to get a room alone with girl 1, took a little effort but she follows me to a room that has 2-3 beds in it. The beds on the left and middle are neat and havent been touched, but the one on the right closest to the large window with a view of future Portland is messy. I want the bed in the middle but girl 1 gets in the messy bed. We fall asleep, and when I wake I'm sleeping next to Hinahon, she's wide awake and looking straight forward, I remember her putting pressure on the side of my head with her elbow, almost like she was trying to push me away. I said something to her and remember some futuristic app that was on in the air that looked kinda like a slot machine but it had to do something with sleeping.

----------------------------

We're in the same place, this time we're in the kitchen area, at first it is me and eddie, and some others I can't remember, seems like we were arguing over what to do with a golden retriever. I say something cocky and White shows up and asks me if I'm talking shit and I get right in his face. We are grabbed on to each other as we go back and forth between the room. Eventually me and Eddie grab another dog that was covered in some sauce in kitchen that was a pup.

----------------------------

I'm still in the same place, this time I think I'm fighting with girl 1, I ripped her sweater off a coat hanger in her closet, she finds me doing so and I continue on. I think she chases me into a huge closet like a mall store that has vault doors in it. I see Sommerer walking by and assume it is his. We start going after his tables of sunglasses and neatly arranged clothing items and trash the place, I remember thinking this would be a good music video scene.

A VERY interesting thing happened last night!!!

I took a nap around 9pm last night, but I was unable to remember what my dream had been about. However, I fell asleep with a song from Harry Potter on repeat. When I went to bed for the night, I left the song on repeat again... and had a dream where I was showing my cousin my dream from the nap! The nap memory I was showing my cousin was slightly altered from how the real dream had gone, but it's pretty cool how music helped me remember my dream!

Anyway, dreams!

Nap: I was browsing the computer when I received a message. I didn't know who it was, but, for some reason, I thought it was a potential girlfriend. Then, I found out it was my cousin.

First dream: I was showing my nap to my cousin. I didn't show her the part where I thought she could've been a girlfriend of mine, but I showed her that I had received her message in a dream.

Second dream: I had met a friend of mine and we were in a car together, snuggling. Then, we realised we were in danger and that we had to move. I jumped to the driver's seat, but then I remembered that she's Scottish, so the seat would be on the "wrong" side for me. I told her I couldn't drive the car, so I moved from the seat and she drove it.

Third dream: I was also driving in this dream, but I was with my ex. She was being a bitch and I told her that I had NOT gotten back together with her to go through the same shit as before. She was like "tough luck, this is who I am", so I broke up with her, stopped the car and told her to leave. Oh, yeah, that felt sooo good!

Fourth dream: there was a family party going on. I was hanging out with my cousin, but then he had to leave. I decided to go upstairs, and then I was in what looked like a hotel corridor. It was raining and the corridor was flooding. Somehow, that was normal to me. I went to the hotel room that was my house and found out that there was water coming out of the wall and wetting all of our stuff. I called my dad and he was like "yeah, that's going to be problematic... we should start cleaning this up before your mother sees it, she won't like this". Understatement of the century, dad...

02.01.2014

To Be A Wolf (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I am sitting in the floor beside my roommate's bed. We have both performed some sort of ritual to transform ourselves into otherworldly creatures. Alex is about to become some sort of undead dark lord, while I am going to be a werewolf. We know that the process will be very painful, but we are prepared.

Her transformation begins first. She clutches her arm and screams in agony as a green-gray bruise-like sheen begins to overtake her skin. I sit in the floor and awkwardly watch, knowing that people in the hallway are going to think she's being murdered. After a few minutes, her screams stop and the transformation is complete. "Look!" she says excitedly. "I've completely transformed."

She notices that my canine teeth are beginning to protrude much farther than normal. "Oh, your transformation is starting now, too." I go to the mirror and watch in fascination as my teeth grow sharper and more wolf-like. However, my interest is cut short when the pain in my gut begins. It feels like someone is grabbing my organs and squeezing hard. I fall to the floor, convulsing, shrieking with each stab of pain in my stomach. After what feels like an eternity, the pain fades and I black out.

*time lapse*

A month has passed. It is the full moon once more, and I am excited to experience being the Wolf for the first time, since I was unconscious for the duration of the last full moon. It will be much easier for me the second time around, I know. The only problem is, people know a werewolf is living nearby and they have formed a mob to kill it. I will have to be extremely careful not to get caught.

Unfortunately for me, it is summer, which means that the moon's power hits me early in the evening. I'm attending an outdoor dinner party with my mother when the feeling begins. I know I will turn soon. "I'm going to step out in the woods for a minute," I tell my mother. She doesn't know that I'm the werewolf everyone is concerned about.

"I'll go with you," she says.

"No. I'm going alone." I tell her firmly.

"Then you're not going at all!" she snaps.

I'm beginning to grow angry and a bit desperate. "I'm 20 years old. You can't run my life anymore!" I storm out into the woods before she can stop me. I take my wolf form almost as soon as I'm out of sight from the party. It feels wonderful! A sense of power and freedom so powerful is coursing through my veins, that I throw my head back and howl. The sound echoes eerily through the forest, sounding more dangerous than any wolf. Damn. I'd forgotten about the mob.

Someone comes crashing through the woods towards me--- it was my mother. She has a shotgun, pointed directly at me. I desperately try to signal for her to not shoot, but she can't understand me! It is too late. She fires the gun.

The bullet pierces through my stomach, knocking me to the ground. I'm too weak to feel the pain. As I begin to involuntarily shift back to my human form, my mother's look of realization and scream of horror at what she's done are the last things I experience before everything goes black.

02.01.2014

To Be The Prey (DILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

My brother and I are standing in our back yard when we notice a chicken and a rooster down the hill. "Let's chase them!" I say excitedly. He agrees, so we take off after the birds. Using what little flying ability they have, the birds easily flutter out of our reach. Suddenly becoming lucid, I fly off after them. Flying, it's much easier to keep up with the chickens, but we still manage to lose them after a while. I also lose lucidity.

My mother has read a task in her scouting handbook that requires the participant to mark their favorite pages in a book and then leave the book outside to show the dogs. I think this is completely stupid and want no part in it. However, my mother is trying to make me complete this task. She is SO annoying that I finally concede, but when I walk outside with the book it occurs to me that the dogs will just chew it up rather than try to read the pages I've marked.

Irritated, I walk to the back of the yard where my dad and brother are sitting. I'm complaining to them about how irritating my mom is being when suddenly coyotes begin howling nearby. The dogs go crazy, and I decide to stir them up even more by howling along with the coyotes.

However, just before I start howling I notice that the "coyotes" are walking directly into our yard. "Woah, are you sure those are coyotes?" I ask my dad. They look more like large wolves.

There are two of them, and they both lay eyes on me at the same moment. They drop to a hunting crouch, growling furiously and stalking closer to me. One of them lunges. I manage to jump at the same instant, kicking the beast so hard in the head that he falls limp to the ground. My timing isn't so great with the other one. He barrels into me, knocking me over. However, I still have my grip on the book, which happens to be a pretty heavy hard back. I begin beating the wolf over the head with my book. It is a long a bloody process with such a terrible weapon, but I somehow manage to beat him to death. My book is now sticky with his blood.

I am irrationally furious that my book has been ruined despite not following through with my mom's asinine task, so I stomp off toward the hill to bury it. But as I approach the edge of the forest, I am at first horrified to see more wolves. However, it seems they are impressed with my fighting skills. They have come to make me an honorary member of their Pack.

The biggest, toughest wolf does not agree with this decision. He attacks me without warning, intending to kill me. His attack knocks me off balance, but I use the momentum to roll on top of him. There are no real weapons nearby. I somehow manage to get a hold of a deer's leg bone, which I promptly shove into the wolf's mouth when he tries to bite me. I shove the bone deep into his throat until he chokes to death. Upon dying, he finally accepts me as an equal.

Red is for Non Lucid.
Green is for lucid.
Purple is for my speech.
Blue is for male speech.
Pink is for female speech.
Black is for side notes, that are not a part of the dream.

I ended up going to a place last night that i haven't traveled to since i was younger. It's a large open space, only accessible through a secret path after following the train tracks for a while. The space is just very large, wide open nature area. Although, it has different sections. Like, there is a rock section, that looks similar to a desert / grand canyon. There is a large open fields part, and a part of trees and the forest. I didn't actually explore it at this time around like i have in past dreams, as the dream itself was very short. It's just very odd that almost all of my dreams have continuity, from dreams i had even when i was kid.


I was sitting in my room with my cousin, who is just a bit younger than me. We where both really bored, and where tired of playing of video games. Suddenly, i had an idea. Why not visit that old place i used to go to? It could be a blast if i brought my cousin with me...too bad his parents are super over-protective, i probably won't be able to take him. I tell him about it and he does want to go, so we end up going outside to ask my parents. (since he was staying over my house). They said they couldn't agree to it because they knew his parents wouldn't agree to it. My cousin then just kind of shrugs and goes off to do something on his own. I figured since i have some alone time anyways, that i still want to check that place out. I 'remembered' not having been there in so long, and was extremely excited to go revisit it. I started off in the direction of the train tracks.
...after walking the tracks for some time, i spotted the hidden path in the woods. I remember pushing my way through the path, like an excited child once more. When i reached the opening i was hit with all the familiar feelings and joys of the past times (dreams) i had had here. I stepped forward, into my nature paradise....

and then i woke up. :s In my dreams i have memories of past dreams, like as if my dreaming life is a separate continuous life that runs parallel to my waking one. In a way it does make sense...but for non lucid esoteric dreams to have a continuity along the lines of a lucid dream? I just find it kind of strange...

Today i dreamt i was in my apartment corridor, i decided to go upstairs for some unknown reason.
i started to see some posters while i was walking up the stairs. the more i went up
the bigger the posters were, so i went to the last floor, and there was a gigantic wall and a gigantic
poster as well.


Dream elements:

-inside my building corridor
-posters


Technique used: WBTB

hours slept: 5 hours

I was reading in english class. The text on the pages of the book was very vivid, and I could easily make out the characters. The book we were reading was something like "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" in that it had cartoons drawn in it by the narrator, and the book was about going through school, but the book was written about my life.

Well I did a WILD so I was lucid through the whole thing, I tried to make a house with some trees around it but for some reason I reached my limit and was only able to maintain the outside of the objects and they were all black but still caught light on the surface so you could see the outline and everything.
I couldn't really tell if it was in my dream yet though because I've been trying Advanced Vision Control and it looked like how it would look if I made it there instead of in the dream.

I asked the DC's around me if they say it and one answered "I can see it, it's wonderful. Now all you have to do is just build it"

I guess building it meant adding color and an actual interior but the dream was too unstable for me to find out much more.

1. [Non-Lucid] [Sexy]
I'm sitting next to Tiffany (old girlfriend), were watching a movie together, I'm hoping something may happen between us. She turns and kisses me on the cheek (I let out a shiver all the way through my body), she kisses me again (another shiver, this is an ongoing thing throughout the dream), She then puts her arm around me...then I kiss her on the lips...then we got intimate caressing each other, kissing each other...then I thought about sex, I think I asked her but then I was like "Its illegal in Disneyland to have sex" (JACK NO, FUCK, YOU IDIOT ) and so this is as far as we took it.

Now I'm talking to my friend about what happened and I said "Its finally happened after all these years " then I mention to him to net tell anyone about this.

Possible Dream Signs:
Tiffany, Disneyland



2.

My dad is moving house.

I'm walking alone through the Midway at Circus Circus. It's night and there aren't as many people as I expected, which is a complete relief to me. Someone comes up behind me and grabs my shoulder, spinning me around to face them. It's a really beautiful girl. She's blond with blue eyes and she smiles brightly at me, telling me how glad she is that she found me. I feel really happy to see her as well and we hug each other tightly for a long moment. She releases me and takes my hand in hers, dragging me into some random direction. I don't really pay attention to where we are going because I trust her and I'm just happy to be close to her. I hold on tighter to her hand and she leads me to a part of the Midway that I've never seen, which I find odd because I basically know that place inside and out by now. We stop at two dark entrances that are hidden in a corner. One leads to a Peter Pan ride just like the one at Disneyland, and the other is something else but I can't really tell what it is. She really wants to go into both rooms but I get a really bad feeling and I grab her arm and try to pull her away from them. She looks at me and tells me that I have to choose one, but I become terrified and almost start crying. She lets up and allows me to drag her away from there. I lead her away, walking quickly.

My forehead is pressed against another person's forehead. The person is holding my face in his hands and we are both a bit panicked. He keeps mumbling that we have to remember, we can't forget.

01/16/14
Out of the Shadows
I am in a strange place. I look around to see where I am. I am immediately lucid and I am just wondering where I am and what I might be doing there. I survey the area. It is a very unpleasant place, it looks like a dark and backwards version of a normal forest. Trees are large and leafless, they look dead. The sky is a dreary gray that casts the landscape into a permanent state of twilight. The land is also shrouded in a thin mist. I start walking through the trees, not really sure where I'm going, but I need to figure out why I am here. There are strange things moving in the misty shadows that I can't quite see. I look behind me and I realize I am not alone. There is a man there with me. I have to get a bit closer to him before I can see who he is, but I recognize him as soon as I'm close enough to see. Alex Mercer follows me through the bleak landscape. He asks if I have seen any sign of Dana. I tell him he is the first one I have seen here. I didn't even know I was there looking for Dana. I ask if I am looking for Dana then why has he come, I thought he wasn't speaking to her. He says no, he's not speaking to her. But there's a big difference between not speaking to her and letting some freak from a parallel dimension kill her. He says we should find her.

I turn to head off in the direction that feels right. Alex follows me and then he pauses. He says he thinks it will be easier if Dana doesn't even realize it is him. He changes form into Dante from the Devil May Cry series of video games. He says he is ready now. So the two of us continue searching through the mysterious place. After a bit longer of a search I hear a commotion in the distance. Alex has clearly heard it, too. A scream… and some cursing. A woman is screaming and yelling expletives at someone. Alex says that sounds like Dana. We both follow the sound. We find that between two particularly large trees there is an even larger spider web. About the center of the spider web there is a woman tangled up in it. She is struggling to get free, but her attempts just seem to be getting her even more hopelessly entangled. She drops some more loud expletives before calling to no one in particular to help her get loose. I can recognize from here that it is Dana Mercer, Alex's sister. She doesn't seem to have noticed that Alex and I are there, and of course she wouldn't recognize Alex even if she had noticed us. She struggles some more and then finally seems to give up on that at least for now. She looks down and sees Alex and me. She says she is so glad to see friendly faces… please help her get free. Alex gives her a dirty look and says no one has said we are friendly… maybe he's not friendly at all. I elbow Alex and tell him to cut it out, calling him Dante. I tell her we'll have her free in just a bit.

While Dana's struggles haven't attracted any of the local inhabitants to help her they have attracted the owner of the web. A large spider crawls out onto the web from a tree. The spider has the tail of a scorpion and is about the size of a Great Dane dog. When the spider gets closer to Dana she screams again. The spider is about to drive its stinger tail right into Dana's abdomen when Alex reacts. He yells at the spider thing to get the fuck away from her and calls it a few creative things. He may look like Dante, but he is using Alex Mercer abilities as he jumps up into the air and forms his arms into a claws, cutting through the web between the spider thing and Dana. The spider turns to attack Alex. Alex grabs the thing's stinger as it is about to impale him with it. He rips the stinger right off of the spider creature and then consumes the spider thing. I am thinking if he was trying to keep her from knowing who he is then he hasn't done a very good job hiding it. I climb up into the trees in a more normal manner and cut her free from the webs, lowering both of us safely to the ground. It turns out she has a number of injuries on her that I go ahead and use healing energy on. Dana is soon fully healed.

Dana doesn't seem to be paying much attention to me, however, she is looking at Alex. When he comes over near us she addresses him as Alex, though she does so in a questioning way. "Alex?" Alex gives her a bit of a dirty look and says no, it's Dante. Dante Sparda. As if it's an afterthought he transforms his claw arms back to normal human arms. Dana seems puzzled and says he's clearly infected. Alex says he's not infected with anything. He just happens to be part demon. His father was a demon… so if she has a problem with that, then fuck her. Dana points out the obvious and says Alex is clearly still upset. Alex says so he's tired of people assuming the worst about him just because he's a demon. It seems that Dana doesn't really have any doubt that she is speaking to Alex. She asks how she was supposed to know there was a fake running around. It seems Alex, on the other hand, has gotten a bit better at faking being Dante. He asks a fake what? A fake demon? She says a fake him, calling him Alex. "A fake YOU, Alex!" He repeats his name is Dante. She says she knows he's Alex, so cut the crap. He is annoyed, maybe at her for seeing it or maybe at himself for not hiding it better. He says forget it. He can't be Alex… Alex is dead. And then before anything else can be said he disappears through a portal.

Damn it! Dana looks around and curses loudly. It seems she's forgotten I'm even here because she calls after Alex asking how she's supposed to get out of this nightmare. I ask if I'm a pile of chopped liver… I can open portals, too, you know. She looks over at me as if noticing me for the first time and says sorry, she was a bit distracted. Thanks for helping her out. She adds that she has no idea what is wrong with Alex… or maybe he really told me his name is Dante? No… I knew it's Alex, though he could definitely use work on his undercover skills… She asks me if I know what his problem is. I find I'm not happy about the way she has behaved, either… it seems to me that she abandoned Alex in the second game, so I find myself quoting song lyrics… "And I watched as you turned away, you don't remember, but I do… you never even tried." Dana thinks I am being weird, but finally asks tried what. I say to figure out what was going on when she thought Alex had gone completely around the bend. I comment that I guess I can't speak for anyone else, but if someone I care about goes bat-shit crazy for no apparent reason I'm going to do whatever I can to find out what happened and get that person back. She asks who says she didn't try. I tell her Alex. And the clone, too… because when Alex consumed the clone he got all those memories, as well. So I remember when she said, "I understand that I had a brother once; a boy named Alex, a boy who used to play games with me and go skating with me and watch scary movies with me. I understand that Alex is dead now." The only problem with that was he wasn't dead… he was right there just wanting her to hear him out, but no… Now even I have that memory etched in my mind and it never even happened to me, but after being consumed by Alex repeatedly all of his memories are mine… and mine are his… Dana looks at me strangely when I say I have been consumed by Alex repeatedly, that no doubt sounds pretty crazy.

Ok, well I figure I will be waking up soon so I open a portal leading back to Dana's home world. I tell her that is the way home, so she might want to consider not taking any more unplanned excursions into parallel dimensions in the future. She looks at the portal and says no. I say that's good, because unless you know what you're doing you can end up a lot of places that make this place… which I have determined to be some part of the Shadow Realm… seem like a fantastic vacation opportunity. So take care. Dana says no again. No what? She says she isn't going home. She wants to see Alex. I tell her it's pretty obvious to me that Alex doesn't want to see her, so the answer to that one would be no. She asks if I know where Alex is. I say I don't specifically know where he is at this very second, but I know where to find him, where he will eventually come back to, or at least I hope he doesn't decide not to come back… She says she doesn't see why he should be mad at her, she's the one who thought he had turned against everyone he cared about! I tell her that there is part of the problem. Until he knows that you get the gravity of what you did when you told him he is dead, he will never, ever, ever be anything but the picture of pain you saw before. Sorry, but there's no way he will be able to heal until you get it. My Penticon chip projects a hologram of a Simpsons clip… the one where Laura Powers, a girl Bart had a crush, on rips out his heart and throws it in the trash. "You won't be needing this!" It's a short clip and it plays on a loop. Well, look at that… because that's what you did! I find myself getting upset at Dana, and I force myself to calm down… after all, it wasn't me that she did it to… but still, betraying someone I care for is the same as betraying me and I want to call her a backstabbing bitch… But I say nothing. I finally tell her if she ever gave a shit about Alex, leave him alone now. If he gets to a point where he is ready to talk to her, he will find her. I transform the portal to Dana's home world from a regular portal to a vortex portal. The portal creates a vacuum and pulls Dana through it and into her home dimension. As Dana is pulled through the portal I hear her saying she never meant to… but then her voice is cut off as the portal closes. It doesn't really matter what she said, I still plan on continuing to heal Alex… he needs to let go of the past not for Dana, but for himself. One does not forgive others for them, one needs to forgive others for themselves. That is the thought in my mind when I wake.