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I remember feeling - in between sleep paralysis - this overwhelming feeling of fear, and a very dark presence being very close to me - like I was standing and she was right there, but a dark and terrifying version of her - the ex again, right in front of me. I just want to get over this. We were talking in class today on the stages of grieving, and talking about how some people may think they have reached acceptance when they are still in the depression stage. I feel like my consciousness is in the acceptance stage while my subconscious is still grieving and depressed/angry..

Hoping for a lucid dream tonight, back home so hopefully i'll get a good nights rest

I'm sleepy and too lazy to write out my latest dreams in detail, so I'm just going to quickly jot them down here so I remember to write them in detail tomorrow

Dream 1: (Halloween night) Told my friend I want a new job. Frustrating work dream. Man captured and taken to the back room. Forced to tell his story or else. Witch posses his wife, and now he has lightning in the back of his throat. Witch comes, I run. And parkour on the roof. Lucid, we escape to the forest.

Dream 2: Me and the Lost crew are in a mansion. Widmore attacks from above, the island is shaking, were hiding in an elevator. We escape, yay tacos!

Dream 3: Lucid. Parkour on the tree with friends. Friend is stuck in a wheelchair so I try to help him fly, but he's too heavy.

Dream 4: Work dream, lady wants wedding clothes and lots of gold paint? Old apartment. Night time stroll. Later. Sis, mom and me look at the stars. Climb roof for better view. Amazing sky!

Dream 5: Hans is secretly married and hiding in his bedroom. Later, Liz goes out for food, at 12am. We wait for her by watching movies, but we fall asleep. See my sister in the morning and I ask her what took her so long. But then I realize the being in front of me isn't my sister because she would never do that and this is kinda freaky.

Dang! I'm a missing a day!

My name is Santiago Casablanca and I don't need any introductions. I'm just as fucked up as any other human being on this earth. Just a bit more.
Yeah, that said, I'm going to write about my shitty dreams here. Yes, they are onirical crap.
Well, I think I'm boring enough. You don't need to read anymore. Bye.

Church Play

Non Lucid

Dreaming about running around this camp type area surrounding a huge church which had been in my dreams a few years ago. It's made of stones with mortar in between, big stain glass windows, nothing too fancy. Small parking lot surrounding immediate area, and further out, were open fields of short, green grass with sparse trees. Further still was a forest. I don't remember too many details but I was running around, maybe hiding from someone. I was mad, I was breaking things, and being destructive. Then people were attacking me, and I was fighting them off. They were organized. Maybe SWAT. Idk

My Girlfriend woke me up and talked to me for a few minutes, then she left and I went back to sleep.
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Part2
Lucid w00t!

I am back at the same church. I am about 4 feet away from the wall. Between me and the wall is a decorative section with bushes and small river stones. I pick up one of these stones and hurl it at the window. The window spiderwebs, and I move on. (Here is where I realize I'm lucid) I feel that I'm in Spartan Armor (I was playing alot of halo 3 the day before) I look up and see parked in one of the spaces is a WWII tank like the one in the picture above. The lower half is painted gunmetal gray, and the turret part is white with a blue lightning bolt on it. The turret adjusts and levels at me, and I realize it's about to blast me. I start running for it, and I'm running in slow motion. All the while I'm thinking 'Man this is so amazing! I'm actually controlling this!' I finally reach the tank, it still hasn't fired. I jump up on to the turret and the momentum of my run slides me across it to the hatch. With one hand I lift the hatch, and with the other I grab the driver by his shirt and lift him up. I then take hand which opened the hatch and with all my strength, I hammer him in the face with a mighty punch. I wake up.

This is my first Lucid since joining DV. Before now I had only had 2 lucids and they were both DILDs. It only lasted 45secs or so, but it was awesome. I'm not sure if this is a DILD, or a WILD. I believe I was lucid from the beginning, I just didn't realize it. Idk, if anyone can shed any light on it, I'd be grateful.

Also, this was the first time I've every been able to punch someone in a dream. I've tried many many times before, but it's always felt like I was punching under water. My arm and fist would move so slowly that it would barely have any momentum when it reached it's target.

Well before I went to sleep, I decided to try WILD. I try when my alarm wakes me at 6:00ish too, but that hasn't been working latley... Anyways, I almost made it, and I am sure I can do it. I was close 2 times, both times I gt weird sensations. First time, I drifted off (I think this always happens, but If I was aware before it happening, something will bring me back) What brought me back this time was my index and middle finger on my left hand (I was cross-armed) lifted up automatically, it felt like I was going to float away... and I would have I think, but I hesitated and stopped it.. boh. Second time what brought me back was falling. It just felt like my whole body was just falling, and I probably ould have ended up in a dream but alas, I accidentally stopped it again...

Anyways to the dreams now.

First was one where there was a a contest (seems everyone entered, everyone had to enter) and I won. I guess whoever won, would be a priest for a day. Now I had to get up at 2AM (to get ready to be a priest I guess) but I got up at 1AM to be early. There was a Giant clock in some town where I went. My brother was excited I was going to be a priest, he also had a hat (Which was apparently his regular hat) it was a white yamaka with a white cross sticking up on the top. He wanted me to wear the hat since I was going to be a priest. There was a parking lot at some point, but thats all I remember

Second dream. This I believe ad no visual, it was all audio. So it was the song California Dreamin' by the Mama's and Papa's. As far as I can tell, the song was exact to how it is in real life, and I was just thinking about it. So it was as if I turned the song on, and closed my eyes while I thought/listened. I also know that it was not being played in real life and affecting my dream, no alarms going off, and no music playing. So that was pretty cool.

Fragments: Alien Chase
A large group of people, myself included, are chasing an alien. We chase it across a parking lot, through some back yards, and into the woods.


Fragments: River Rescue
I'm crossing the river with some people, including my mother. The rocks become slippers and the current strong, and someone falls and can't make it across, even though it's really shallow. Next thing I know there is a rescue team getting us to jump from bed to bed to cross the river. I'm last to go, since I wanted to make sure everyone else made it ok.

They want me to jump onto a bed in a panic because it's beginning to float away. I get pissed of over how stupid this is, because I clearly don't need any help in my river, and they are all over reacting.

Walking

Brief fragment of walking on a street near a park with a man and a woman. There is a Friendly dog beside me.

Message for Kaomea

Gah, out of all the people who could have been given this dream message.... Why did it have to be me?

Anyway, in the dream I see in K's future she will be involved with a dark skinned man. Could be a Nagual man or lover, maybe both. He looks Aboriginal, maybe Hawaiian or from somewhere else in North America. Very handsome! K is supposed to take the steps necessary to be ready to meet this man. That is all I know, so please don't ask anything more. K is a natural at dream re entry and may try that way to find out more.

WTF Asuka

The start is very foggy. I'm in some mall and try to enter a movie theater place. I come to a big public area where two women are supposed to fight?

I go to the area and sit on a bench and the women are there. One is asuka and another woan that looks like her. both may be her not sure. Anyway onelooks like an old woman. And none are wearing pants or and undergarments... but they are wearing shirts. I go up to the old looking asuka and begin to massage her shoulders to get ready for this fight. Eventually I sit back down and now they are both young woman. Still wearing no pants... They bend over in front of me showing me their goods. I just stare like a dummy.

They vanish suddenly and I get up and start walking away. I get up and try to lave the mall. I walk by some bathroom and some weird guy is entering it and he's staring at me strangely. I walk out the dors and realize I'm still in the mall. I've only left the theater place.

He's coming for you.

I had a dream with Don Juan in it... and apparently He will come for me... umm ok.

Yeah, weird as hell being dreaming, but not asleep, or even paralyzed. In fact, I recognised I had slipped into dreaming, but when I did an RC, I did it in real life, waking me up! @_@ Odd.

Shortly after, I had what many would call an 'Out of body experience' and flew around my living room a bit. Having a rather nice throw back as "A small of two pieces" played as well. Lost consciousness after... Sinking into my carpet.

I was at a big green field, just running in it. It felt so great. So fresh. I felt my muscles working beneath me. I wasn't even getting tired a bit. "This is great, why don't I do this all the time?" I thought (if only running was that easy -.-).

---

I was with my mom somewhere, and we had to get home. We waited for a bus. As we got on the bus we took a transfer. It had blue on it. I think we got on the wrong bus or something; I remember watching closely where the bus was taking us.

---

I was in my house playing my guitar. LI and I think CH and some others were there. They were playing their cellos and violins and whatnot with me. We were supposed to be playing together or something. We were in my living room. We decided to move to the bed room to start playing. LI wanted to touch my guitar or something, but I didn't want her to and I was getting annoyed.

Scamming
Non-Lucid
I am on a beach in a small bay. Its fairly hot, and extremely sunny. Families with children are scattered about and teens are playing frisbee to my left. To my right is the ocean. Across the bay, there is another beach with more families, and at the top of the beach, there is a small building with large windows, though I can't see into them. Beside the building there is a parking lot with really nice cars.
Jump
A DC child approaches me, and I ask him what's in that building on the other side of the bay. He tells me the 'Scammers' are on the other side, and that I should go and check it out. I'm wary of these 'Scammers' but go to check it out anyway. I walk down the beach and into the water. There are several families swimming around, I avoid bumping into the playing children, and climb up onto the sand on the other side of they bay. I approach the building and go inside. There are double doors, exactly like one of the side entrances to my old highschool (Another reason to be cautious about this place ) I pass a front desk, which the attendant is either missing or is not paying attention because I am not stopped. I walk down the main hallway and see a large room full of well dressed college age kids listening to someone give some kind of lecture. I slide in the back of the room and sit down to listen for a bit. There are diagrams of robot vacuum cleaners drawn up on a chalkboard, beside the diagrams are paragraphs of information, stats, and features of the individual models. Some kid asks a question about the sensing unit on the vacuum they're talking about, and it had something to do with crystals. [Things get hazy here] There is something later about a pool cleaner robot that looks like a red dragon on wheels with a clear belly where debris is stored and bristles on it's mouth for cleaning corners. I get up and leave the class and begin walking around the halls. There is something going on about a stolen memory chip. I see the person who stole it running down the hall, and around the corner. Following closely behind is 2-3 security guards yelling for him to stop. Somehow he is killed or knocked unconscious, and I am alone in a supply closet or possibly an elevator with his body. I check his pockets and find the memory chip as well as a Walther P.99. I pocket the pistol, but keep the chip in my hand. I wander around looking for the exit, and find a restricted area. Of course I enter the restricted area. I walk down the now narrow corridors watching for security cameras, still holding the stolen chip in my hand, with the pistol now in the other. I come up to a secretary desk, and standing around it is older versions of the college humor staff (LOL) Pat, Amir, Sarah, and Jake are all talking, and greet me when I approach. I notice that Jake has long white hair, and is sitting in a wheelchair. I hear a woman shouting. They're looking for me and the chip again. A DC (A girl I used to work with, Brittany) runs up to me and tells me that I have to hand over the chip. I raise my pistol and put it to the chip. I've got a hostage now. The data on the chip is apparently worth quite a bit to them, so I figure this is a good way to get out. I start walking backwards towards the exit with the chip still held hostage, all the while Brittany is trying to get me to hand it over, walk away, etc. We get outside and stand in the parking lot. Brittany points to a car and offers to do something with it, (Maybe supe it up so I can escape with my life or something like that) if I just hand the chip over. She points to a car that sort of looks like mine, I figure she thinks it is mine, but I tell her that's not even my car. She thinks I'm trying to trick her, but it's really not my car. (It was pretty crappy) I wake up.

I was next to a boxing ring, caught up in the wires at the side, and I decided to remind myself of the levels of lucidity.
I chanted to myself,
"1- Subconscious awareness of dream." I flipped my position to sleep, "2..." It continued like this with me leaning either way with each repetition until I got to 10,
"10- The dreamer is fully conscious of their dream state and can alter her vision, causing sight abnormalities."
I saw a flashing, shiny arrow and a square to the left hand of my vision, but thought nothing of it.
After that, I leaned to the right side in the ropes and said to myself, "I KNOW that if I go to sleep IN THIS POSITION, I will become lucid."

I woke up and cursed myself...again
2nd time I've missed something so obvious.

Awake, Non-lucid, Lucid, [Commentary made while awake]

[I apologize in advance for how much of the page this entry takes up. It was my longest lucid dream to date, though, and I wanted to make the best record of it I could.]

I'm at my old high school, outside the entrance to my mom's old classroom. The open-air entrance on one side of the classroom and the semi-enclosed atrium on the other side are reversed from the sides they're on in real life. I'm listening to an old woman [Betty J.? Aunt Edie? I'm not sure] talk about life. I also remember reading some text about how in the old days, we just lived together with love and respect for one another as a matter of course, without any need for external forces like social programs to manipulate or engineer good feelings between people. [Yep. That sounds like my mind, all right.]

I'm playing PackRat. [Again. I am so sick of dreaming about PackRat, and I know perfectly well that the only way to stop dreaming about it is to stop playing it. That'll happen at the end of this year, I hope.] I discover that the reason an old collection cannot be completed is that they created all the cards, with artwork and everything, but never actually made them available to players.

I'm looking through a rack of envelopes of photo prints, organized by the subject of the photos.

I'm reading a novel on a shiny, black electronic reader. The last page of one chapter has a small illustration of a rolling, bouncing boulder on it [this illustration is from a particular PackRat card]. The electronic reader has small, rectangular “previous page” and “next page” buttons in the lower right corner. It also has readouts in the lower left corner of the screen that show remaining battery life and how many inches from your eyes the screen is. It says that a distance of at least 9 inches is recommended. I see my reflection in its surface and am surprised to discover that I'm wearing glasses. [I don't wear them in real life, but I might have to, someday.]

I go to say good night to my dad. He shows me that he's discovered a way to screw this cylindrical part onto his guitar so that it still has its protective plastic cover.

WBTB at 3:58 A.M. I stayed up for 10-15 minutes, taking notes on the dreams I recalled so far. Then I listened to the second half of my binaural beats file and continued doing affirmations, this time including remembering to stabilize my dream as one of them. I then spent about 45 minutes being kept awake by my coughing and sneezing, but eventually, I managed to get back to sleep. I think I even experienced sleep paralysis for the first time ever; I remember a moment when it felt like my body was vibrating or shaking really fast.

When I find myself in House #1, I immediately know I'm dreaming. [Since I was lucid from the very beginning and can remember a little bit of the sleep paralysis, I think I may have just performed a successful WILD, even though I didn't originally intend to.] This time, I succeed in remembering to stop and take in the scene before doing anything else, in order to stabilize the dream. Once again, I gaze around in awe of the fact that my mind can create such a detailed and realistic environment. Everything looks real, even though I know it's not. I walk around the house a bit, and when I get to the sinks in the bathroom and kitchen, I look at the faucets and quietly expect them to turn on, and they do, without my touching them. [I think that's pretty cool.]

I go out into the study, which looks pretty much just as it did in reality, except that the space inside it is entirely filled with spiderwebs. I turn back and go back into the house, with spiderwebs sticking all over me. When I come back in, I accidentally let a spider into the house, too. It has a big, nearly spherical body with stripes in two different shades of gray. I squash it while it's walking along the wall in the master bedroom. Then I discover another, even bigger, red spider/crab thing on the carpet, and squash that one, too, saying something about how sorry I am for making a stain on the carpet. [The carpet I squashed the spider into was light brown and semi-shaggy. House #1 never had carpet like that; that's the kind of carpet we have in House #3. I didn't notice this until after I woke up, at which point I found it highly amusing that the details of the carpet had been off in one of my dreams and I hadn't noticed. ]

My mom is there in the house. [I don't really remember the specifics of this part, but] I lie down on the bed in the master bedroom and get under the covers so that my parents won't see that I'm quivering and shaking in the throes of SP. [I don't even know.]

I decide I want to leave the house and go explore other parts of this dream world, but I feel obliged to take leave of my parents first and tell them where I'm going, but I want to keep it a secret from them that I'm dreaming. I say to myself, “If I told them I was going to school, would they believe me? Given the setting, they might.” As I say this, what I have in mind is that I'm going to pretend to be setting out on foot for my junior high school. [Funny; that was the only school I ever took the school bus to. I did walk from my house to the bus stop, though.]

I walk through the side yard toward the front gate. I find my parents in the corner of the yard, where the wall with said gate in it meets the wall of the neighbors' house, doing some kind of yard work. I say, “I'm going to school. Bye, Mom!”

“Bye, (Emiko)!” says my mom, and it sounds exactly the same as it always does when my real mom says it. [Obviously, an unaltered memory.] “Have a good day!”

“You, too!” I say, or something like it. I walk out through the front gate and down toward the street. The neighborhood seems more spacious and spread-out than it is in reality. Now that no one is looking, I begin flying, taking off from the middle of the street and traveling parallel to it and upward from it at an angle, like an airplane taking off.

As I fly higher into the air, the dream and my dream consciousness start to fade away. Now, having read the DEILD tutorial, I had some idea of what to do. I lay absolutely still in my bed and concentrated intently on the dream I had just been having, willing myself to start dreaming again. It worked. [First successful DEILD, too! I was really on a roll last night!]

I end up in a group of interconnected, upstairs rooms in a building somewhere. I seem to have flown there. The rooms are white, and there are chairs, upholstered stools, and bookshelves in them. From reading a plaque on a wall near a doorway, I learn that these rooms are reading rooms dedicated to a strange alternate take on Christianity, centered around an alternate set of gospels written by different people. [I didn't recognize it as any sect that exists in real life.] One of the rooms has an analog clock on the wall. It doesn't have numbers, just a circle and two hands, all made of the same rough, gray metal. Even though I already know I'm dreaming, I deliberately look at the clock, glance away, and then look at it again to see if the hands have jumped. The first time I try this, they seem to be in pretty much the same position they were in, so I try again. The second time, they've jumped to a totally different position. I am pleased with myself; again, I was expecting that to happen, so it did.

I leave these rooms and start walking down a flight of stairs. The dream starts to fade again, but again, I manage to stay in it through sheer willpower.

The stairs end in a wide hallway. There is a set of double doors to the right, leading into a room. Judging by the decorations and items outside these doors and inside the room, it looks like there's a wedding going on. Am I the bride? I wonder, but when I enter the large, rectangular room and see the retail-style displays of clothing and stuff, I think, Oh, good. Just a fair, then. I see a real-life friend [I forget who] to my right, who says to me, “Cute dress, (Emiko)!”

“Thank you!” I answer, even though I think this is an odd thing to say, because all I'm wearing is a damp, clammy black blanket wrapped around me. It feels like it's made of swimsuit material. I continue further into the room, turning to my left and walking that way. I look down and to the left, between two racks of clothing, and see another real-life friend, Eleanor B. She's wearing a royal-blue bridesmaid dress [the one she was wearing the last time I saw her in real life, which was at the wedding of some mutual friends]. I call her name twice to get her attention. She looks up, sees me, and stands up to talk to me. I come over and talk to her. When I take a closer look at the clothes hanging on the rack we're standing next to, I say something like, “And are these the new Christmas sweatshirts from Target? Cute! I want!” The sweatshirts are white and have patterns on them of snowflakes made up of narrow lines, either in shades of pink or shades of teal. They also have hems and seams in those colors. I take one pink one and one teal one off the rack and carry them with me. They feel soft.

I leave that room and find myself outside. In the distance, I can see big mountains with snow on top of them. I continue exploring and somehow [I don't remember the exact route I took] make it into an old Japanese temple (or residence, or something). It has a very old, very traditional room with tatami mats on the floor. I pry off each of my sneakers in turn, using the toe of the other foot (suddenly, I'm wearing sneakers, I think). [Yes, I actually thought that while in the dream. Now that I think of it, I think I was suddenly wearing regular clothes, too.] Leaving my sneakers (the exact same ones I have in real life, I note) out in the passageways, I enter the room with the tatami mats and walk around in it. I can feel the mats and my socks under my feet. I say aloud to myself, “Wait – we're allowed to walk around in here? Oh – of course we are; that's what I was expecting.” Yet again, something is so because I expected it to be so. [In all my real-life experience visiting historical tourist sites in Japan, we were never allowed to actually enter the rooms with the tatami; we were only allowed to look into them from the outside. I always wanted to walk around inside them, though, so now, in a dream, I got my wish. Cool.]

Outside of this room are some passageways that are all painted a dusty shade of teal, and have wooden signs hanging in them. I walk around in here for a few minutes. One of the signs says “Telephone,” and indeed, there is a pay telephone on the wall in a wooden box. It looks like an old tourist facility.

One of the doorways within these passageways leads into a spacious, modern restaurant that I recognize as the one inside the onsen [hot spring] that I visited while I was living in Japan. There are a few people sitting at tables here and there. I walk through the restaurant, looking for one of my real-life friends [I don't remember which one now]. I don't find her there, so I decide to head for the restaurant's exit and go somewhere else.

The way to the exit is through a long passageway with a wall on the right side and an upholstered bench on the left side where guests can sit and wait for tables, which separates the passageway from the rest of the restaurant. There are two people sitting on the bench. As I approach the door, I think, What shall I do next? Task of the Month – cell phone – oh, yeah! For a split second I think of getting out my cell phone to text somebody, but then I remember the new Task of the Month for November. I turn to one of the two DCs sitting on the bench, the one sitting nearest the door, who happens to be a black, pregnant woman. “Hey, can I tell you what I'm thankful for?” I say to her.

“Okay.” She straightens, sitting forward on the edge of the bench, listening to me.

“I'm thankful for my family, and [something else I can't remember now], and my computer, and for being able to come here!” I say. [Meaning, to the dream world.] Unfortunately, the dream starts to fade again just as I'm finishing my sentence.

FA in which, instead of being me, I'm Cobb. Mal is there when I wake up, the real one. [They're characters from Inception.] We talk about something, probably the dream I just had. [I don't remember now exactly what it was we talked about, but dude. That was a really weird FA.]

FA in which I count my fingers while they're spread out against the legs of my jeans. When I find I have a sixth finger on my left hand, my reaction is, “Oh, damn. Gosh-darn it!” Apparently, I really want to actually be awake. But I'm still feeling sleepy, so I lie down, sprawling over the sides of the white, wooden bench I'm sitting on.

When I woke up for real, I just lay there for several minutes because my body still felt heavy. I recalled my dream and was pretty impressed.

--------------------------------

Side notes:

That was the longest lucid dream I've ever had. I'm also very impressed and pleased with the number of times I succeeded in controlling what happened just by expecting something to happen. I really got the hang of that skill last night. Finally, I'm amazed that I managed to stay lucid for that long, and to force myself to keep dreaming so many times when the dream threatened to end. Wow!

For the last two nights have had excellent dreams, but havn't recorded them as time has been an issue in the mornings. Anyways, have been taking melatonin past two nights which explains it. Going to try wilding tonight with 100mg of b6.

Barely remembered a thing from last night except...

My coworker didn't like me because I looked like a celebrity. I can't remember the celebrity, but I remember looking at a picture of the celebrity and thinking, "Ohhh, I look like her! That's why she doesn't like me!" I think the celebrity was wearing some kind of sexy leather outfit in the picture and posing provocatively. It was like a pic for a Maxim magazine shoot or something.

I know that this is a result of a coworker who, in real life, I believe doesn't like me. I've had suggestions from other coworkers that she may feel threatened by me personally, so I'm sure that's where this dream stemmed from.

Walking around in some mansion, saw appealing and indulgent person. Later I had to climb through a whole bunch of things before coming upon her again, when she indicated another of her roommates would oblige.