false awakening

I'm going to work at an elementary school [neither of the ones I work at in reality]. I have to go back out to my car to get something. There are other people out in the large, flat parking lot. When I finally head into the building, it's already 3:00, a full hour later than I was supposed to start working. I'm mad at myself because the fact that I got started late means that I can't count that first hour (2:00 – 3:00) toward my total number of AmeriCorps service hours. [LOL! No, no, brain, that was my last teaching job.]

I can hear the faint, muffled sound of repetitious, vaguely pop-sounding music playing from somewhere nearby. I realize that I've woken up in my bed. [Not really.] I'm still tired and decide to stay in bed.

I wake up again in a slightly different room. [Again, not really.] This time, I take my throw pillow and pull it over my head. [Yeah. I fail at catching false awakenings. :/]

while i was dreaming last night , i was at a point that i thought i was dreaming . I did a RC ; this is the frist time i remember doing one in my dream. this is where it gets weird did the RC felt that i was dreaming then i rubbed my hands together; another first to try and stabalize the dream but then i had a false awakening and it screwed me all up and i woke up.

This is my second night of taking calea tea.

The first night there was an increase in the vividness of dreams, but I can't really remember them I can remember some fragments of several dreams but nothing clear. A couple of normal dreams I can not remember then the first lucid I can not really remember I chained into the second one. about 5am now.

I awake in the dream running down my drive way of my old house where nearly all my lucids happen. As I run out onto the road I think this is so vivid maybe I am not dreaming I jump up in the air and float back down, I must be dreaming, I jump again a few times and start floating up I lose vision but can still feel the road so I keep jumping. I suddenly start getting pulled up faster and faster .

I decide to go along for the ride.

The next thing I know I find my self in a car my dad is driving, we are just in the next street up from where I was. The street is really derelict, there are old car bodies and whatnot in all the yards, and the houses are really run down. I think something like “this street has always been dodgy” ( in real life this is not the case, the steet as pretty nice houses in it). One house looks like it used to be a shell service station, with rusty petrol pumps under the house.

Suddenly my dad speeds through a stop sign I yell at him. He told me he didn't want to wait for the cars,(there was a big line of cars turning) we start arguing. Suddenly he starts driving really erratically, and into the on coming traffic we drive streight through a car.

Somehow I know the girl was just about the get married, she is crying and screaming I think she lost her arm in the crash. Again he drives really erratically into oncoming traffic we smash into a few more cars, he starts going really fast down a hill and skids sideways to go turn into a street he skids for ages and the car breaks down its squealing like the fan belt is broken or something.

He says "well this didn't go as planned" a bus is heading straight for us we are stuck sideways across the lane. I'm not really scared, I don't think I am aware I am dreaming yet though . He finally gets the car going before we get hit by the bus.

We head down the end of the road. there are two naked girls sitting in a booth and there is a barn/shed up the back of the yard. As we pull in the girls morph and cloths appear on them , like genie cloths. We get out of the car I'm thinking where the hell are we and why has dad taken me here. One of the girls tells dad 'Omg what's he doing here, if you want him to have any fun here take him to the 1000 pound women'. I think what? I don't want a fat chick. ( no offence ).

We head up to the shed there are heaps of girls there. I guess they are prostitutes. My dad heads in. There is a guy standing near me he is looking at me with an aggressive grin. I want to get out of here all the girls are coming around me I am freaking out. ( odd since I normally jump at a chance of erotica in my dreams). I see some thing on a bench near by I think it was a wrench I pick it up and go to hit him. Its so heavy I can hardly swing it. There is another guy a big fat guy behind me I swing it at him. He pulls some other thing out and catches the wrench in it's like pliers or something only bigger. (I think to my self that was pretty cool I had like a split mind I was the observer and the actor) We wrestle.

The thing has three hooks wrapped around the wrench looks kind of like snake heads. I start speaking Latin ( like Merlin if you have ever seen that show) and take control of the thing I start moving the 'fingers/snake heads' suddenly it is becoming part of me I fell 'dark' energy taking over me I panic and think 'evil' is consuming me. I start thinking white energy... white energy... I suddenly 'awake' on the floor of my old house my mum is in the kitchen I am rolling on the floor fighting this dark energy and this is where it gets a little disturbing, something comes out of my mouth look/feels like a turkey neck .. I think it's might have been my spine my head bends back and it sticks out my mouth. everything goes red and I think I am dieing in front of mum. I awake with a jolt. relived it was just a dream... its now 5:20.

I'm going to try for another lucid. As I was relaxing attempting a WILD a random dream I just remembered , when I woke up from this one I was wondering if it was a prophetic dream. I was at the gym . The place looked completely different . anyways. I was waiting for a class and no one turned up. I figured they stuffed up the timetable for the Easter holiday. So I start going home as I am out in the yard. The instructor is rushing in. She is telling someone she just had a heart attack. I run in side so I don't miss the class, but it is full already - hope fully she doesn't have a heart attack.

After this I try and WILD some more and got close a few times and many many little dream fragments/HI for the next 2 hours. still have one more cup of tea left for tonight who knows what will happen.

Lucidity: 5/10
Vividness: 7/10
Length: ~3 Min.

I was Spider-Man swinging like no tommorow. I wanted to have different powers because I didn't feel like swinging. But then I thought I was sleeping in class so I woke myself up and I was in class but was a false awakening.

I can't remember this whole dream very well; just from a certain point onwards:

Lucid = orange

I'm sitting on a couch with a couple of men, and we're watching something. I'm sitting next to a darker-skinned guy but he's getting a bit too close for my liking. I move away but he just gets closer again, making me feel rather uncomfortable in the process. I tell him to move away a bit but he doesn't really do anything, and laughs. I then have enough of it and get up, then another guy gets his dick out and starts wanking over me, so I try to instantly get out of the room, but the guy holds me down climaxes all over me before I can. I then break free and run out of the room and down a hallway, through another door (my clothes are kind of hanging off me) and into some posh dining place. I die of embarrassment and immediately vacate the area, running out of the building completely.
The perverted rapists are behind me and for some reason the police as well.

Next I'm running through a hospital-like area (can't remember how I got there) and the police are shooting at me, but I dodge all the bullets matrix style and break the line of sight, spotting a toilet ahead which I race into (I didn't pay attention to whether it was a men's or woman's toilet, but I think it was a woman's one. Quite frankly I was too occupied). There's a woman in there, and I dive into a cubicle before she spots me, in-case she's on their side.
I then randomly realise I'm just dreaming, and that none of this is real, which gives me a surge in confidence, and just walk out of the cubicle not caring that I'm in the opposite gender's toilet or that there are people after me (constantly reminding myself that everything is just a dream, and not real). I get a proper look at the woman, and she's quite hot, but to avoid anything going down, I instantly start buttering her up with foreplay, knowing that she would comply. Things develop very quickly until the point where she hops onto my lap with her arms around my neck (if you get what I mean). I then notice 2 black men running towards the toilet (most likely after me) and shuffle over (with me and her still interlocked) and lock the door, so that they can't get in. I then take her back to where we were before and my vision starts fading, as per usual, but I'm determined to stay lucid this time, so I tell her ''Baby, I need your help. Help me stay lucid.'' and hold both of her hands, putting all my energy into how it feels. Eventually stability returns to me, and we're free to continue what we were doing. Things get more and more heated, and I remind myself now and then that it's not real. Then something shocking happens; this woman turns into a some kind of black demon, with multiple eyes, that are a vibrant red colour and hisses ''What if I'm a manifestation of everything negative within you!?'' (or something very similar to that) Although I know I'm dreaming, for some reason fear starts to take over and I race to the door to get out. I remember I locked it. I unlock it as fast as I can before this thing gets to me and run out.
Next I find myself running down Lysander (the doorway must have acted as some kind of teleport since I wanted to get away). I knew I was away but still kind of worried that this Demon might be chasing me, so I jump up and start flying, soaring down the road. I'm paying a lot of attention to everything around me, and note how everything is extremely vivid, yet none of it is real. It fascinates me; how this lucid is very vivid, looking just like real life, yet it's merely a dream; something conjured up by my brain.
The road then leads me into town, and I can see cars and people going by. For a laugh, I decide to land on one of the cars and see where it takes me. I spot my target, and then it speeds up quite a bit, racing off into the distance, but I'm determined to catch up to him, and will myself to speed up accordingly. I'm now flying at amazing speed, loving every second of it, and catch up to the car within a manner of seconds, landing on the roof. The driver honks his/her horn with disapproval, but I don't care as it's just a dream, so I can get away with anything I please.
Eventually it takes me to the centre of town, and I hop off and go near the bus stop. Although there are a few people walking about, I figure I should call for some homies and start yelling ''Whoop Whoop! Where my Juggalo's at?!'' and similar things. Then I start seeing homies running up to me, some of which painted up, which I find awesome. Things still seem a bit bare though, so I call for some Juggalette's too, and sure enough some ladies enter the group (likewise, some painted up, some not). I take quite a fancy to one of them and pull her over to the wall and start making out. I hear cheers and applause from the group, obviously liking the fact I just pulled so easily, referring to me as some form of Legend. Then the dream randomly starts fading out and I feel wakefulness creeping up, but the image of the girl stays constant - frozen in time. I just focus on this image and try to go back to sleep, in the hope of reinstating lucidity.

Then a new scene appears before me. I'm sitting down with a group that's circled around a fire, looking down at a guy's crotch area. I'm not fully in the dream at this point, but I seize this opportunity. (I'm not sure why I did what I did next, but I guess it makes sense since I wanted to ground myself into the dream with any means necessary, and touched on 3 senses with 1 action) I then grab this guys crotch area, noting how it feels (I'm a straight guy, so this is quite strange) and then proceed to whip it out and start giving him head. My eyes are open while I'm doing this, and although I'm surprised at myself, I can feel the dream becoming stronger around me. Then I get up and start walking around, and am immediately greeted by a false awakening.

I'm in bed (in my old room) unaware that I'm still dreaming, and proceed to record my lucid experience. While I'm doing this, however, I can feel 'sleep' overcoming me against my will, and then I find myself back in the same scene as I was in before.

I realise I'm back in the dream and become lucid. I'm now on a higher level of ground, looking down at where I just was. There's a guy to the right of me and he says something which I don't remember now, but it had some usefulness. I asked him if he was a dream guide, and he said ''Of sorts, yes.''. I then proceeded to ask him about why my dream guides are always different, and whether the guy from a previous lucid was a guide or not. He was confused as to who I meant, so I reminded him, and told him about the guy who murdered that girl. He then knew who I meant, and told me not to worry about it, as it was in the past. I accepted his response and noticed there was another of him standing behind him. I ignored this and followed him into a house.

I was then sitting with him and a rather different looking Niall around a table, asking him a lot of questions. I don't recall what they were, or the answers, but I do remember thinking that he talked about a lot of things that reminded me of myself; reinforcing the fact that he was actually manifestation of a part of my mind. Both him and Niall were making things. Although, there was something about Niall which scared me. I removed something off of his face (a mask or layer of his face or something) twice, changing his appearance both times to his 'true' form. He looked like some type of baby, although he was still the same size as in real life. I was worried he was going to attack me and picked up some scissors for self-defence. My 'guide' gave me a ''wtf are you doing?'' look and for a moment I was worried he might read my thoughts and get on the offensive, so I dismissed my worry and changed my motives and said ''Well, these are less likely to hurt him, so I think he should use these.''
Note: 'Niall' was cutting things out and stuff with a pair of normal scissors, but these were considerably different.
My 'guide' then responded with ''Good thinking!''. Then the both of them finished what they were making. I can't remember what the 'guide' did but Niall made some tower with loads of edible animals on it. I get up and walk around the table, inspecting their work, and ask the 'guide' if I could reinstate lucidity for me, as I needed to wake up soon and write everything down so that I don't forget. He told he it was fine and that he would. I then inquired about their work; that if they were parts of me, I should be able to produce similar results. The 'guide' concurred, and then a few moments later I awoke.

Very clear, detailed dream - hence the long journal entry.

This dream began with me talking to a friend on the the phone. She mentioned something that caught me by surprise because I didn't remember telling her anything about it. I did an RC by checking my hands and noticed one didn't have as many lines on the palm as it should. I became lucid and took the time to anchor myself to the dream by chewing some gum (Trident Spearmint <3).

I decided to try and find Catie (a DC that represents my subconscious/dream guide/whatever you wish to call it). I didn't want to walk all the way over to the front door so I opened a window and decided to jump out of it instead. The moment the window was opened, a crow flew in my room and told me I should look for Courtney (an irl friend) instead. I wasn't sure why it wanted me to search for Courtney but I thought I may as well since it was the first time a crow had spoken to me without being asked a question first.

For some reason I went downstairs and went out the backdoor of the basement suite instead of the window. Once I opened the door, the fox (I really should name it soon) appeared and followed me out. It didn't do anything to attract my attention so I just ignored, I've grown used to it showing up randomly and following me around. I'm even starting to like it's company, except when it makes me lose focus by yipping, yelping, barking, or whatever you call that sound. Anyways, instead of being in my backyard, we were in the street of some residential area that seemed strangely familiar.

We went down a couple houses and stopped at one that I somehow identified as Courtney's (although it didn't look like her's). I knocked on the door and, through the window, saw someone making their way over to answer. A girl opened the door (or woman I should say, she seemed to be slightly older than me) but it wasn't the Courtney that I'm friends with, just some DC. An adorably cute one, mind you, but a random DC nonetheless. Her face did seem familiar however but I'm not sure why. I've probably seen her in another dream or maybe seen someone who looks similar at the mall or something.

I was happy to see her and I soon got the impression that she was supposed to be my girlfriend in this dream. She was even happier to see me and greeted me with a hug that literally seemed to last hours. I noticed the faint scent of black jellybeans (which are awesome) so I guess she was wearing perfume or something. Do they even sell perfume/cologne that makes you smell like jellybeans btw? I should Google that. I managed to do a couple reality checks and a few stabilization techniques before she finally let go. It was at this point that I realized the fox had left to do something. She then kissed me, which also seemed to last for hours. I didn't need to do anything to stabilize the dream during those ''hours'' though, she had (spearmint flavored <3) gum or something in her mouth so the taste was enough to keep the dream from falling apart. We eventually made our way to her bed and did the grown-folk. =P While we were lying in bed, she started telling me something that she felt was important but I couldn't pay attention because the dream was destabilizing. I "woke up" soon after.

I was back in bed and checked the clock to see how late I had slept in. When I saw it had odd symbols on it, I realized it was only a false awakening. I did several reality checks to make sure I was dreaming, then I went back out the basement suite's backdoor (the fox didn't show up this time), and headed towards Courtney's place again. This time she was wearing a blue slip dress. Normally I don't remember what DC were wearing in my dreams but this time I did so I guess my recall's improving. Hurray for progress. We sat down on her couch and started talking about something but I can't remember what was said. The dialogue seemed to have been significant to the dream but I've never been very good at remembering conversations, I'll have to focus on improving that. The dream fell apart soon after.

I woke up and checked the clock, this time I really was awake. Turns out I had only been asleep for just under two hours but the dream felt like it lasted much longer than that.

I don't know if this dream means anything but if it does, maybe I still have feelings for Courtney (my friend, not the DC). We never really had a full-on relationship but we had something going on between us; for a short while at least.
-----
I need to remember to ask that fox a couple questions next time I see it, like why it's been following me around lately. I've got to come up with a name for it too since simply addressing it by ''the fox'' sounds weird. Also, I just had the strangest feeling of déjà vu déjà rêve (since it feels like I've dreamt of this before) while typing this out. ._.

Side note: Leo arrived from london and we are looking for a place to live. I am also sick.



Lucid. Was playing basketball downstairs at my house. Was kind of lucid but didn't really comprehend. I knew it was getting better just by practicing in my head and thought of it more as a fantasy rather than a dream. Played for a while until kara started cheering me on. Eventually I went inside the office and talked to her. I said wait this is a dream why am i playing basketball. I woke. I deilded in and had a bit of a hard time stabilizing. After I did it was my longest dream ever with no need to stabilize again. I was talking to kara saying we have to remember this then remembered to ask if it really was kara. I was getting weird vibes towards her so I left. It wasnt the real kara. I was a little scared and ran out. In my neighborhood I did a lot of cool things. I had full control. I split my house in half. I changed the sky. I destroy anything at will. Then I summed tornado's. I realized that this was too much power and that I needed to use the other control method I read on the forums. the tornado's were huge and really a little scary so I tried to stop them by assuming they would. The didn't stop and were getting closer I was getting scared. I started running super fast and almost got sucked in. I flew away and ran superspeed to safeway. Inside was super funny it was all messed up and I continued destroying things. I kept doing the other control technique and it was getting me nowhere. I was kind of horny so I tried to summon t. I was getting ugly girls until finally I saw her through the wall. I went up and we were talking. I was squeezing her blobs through her shirt. Then I took her shorts off and started having sex. I was keeping it casual and still talking to her as we were having sex. Eventually my heart started to speed up and I immediately stopped. I left her and went into a car with kara. Kara was telling me to do things and I would try to do them. I tried to turn the sky purple and it wouldn't work. I tried to make stars and it didn't work. I tried to make portals out of doorways and nothing. Several times I would walk through I door and say that it would be a portal to nagrand and nothing. I really am not goods at portals anymore. I drew some metal on the floor and tried to pick it up and jump through and nothing. I finally gave up and did some other things o can't really remember and remembered my dream guide. I said I wanted to see my dream guide. Nothing I kept asking and asking until finally he walked by. He looked Asian. There was a sign on the road with his name on it. It consisted of three words. It looked Asian. I don't remember it now. I was rereading the name trying to memorize it and woke.


I was with kara and baron. Our neighbors came in. They were going on vacation and gave us lsa to give to baron. I told them it looked like it was for humans and if they had any lsd. The husband went nuts and said he used to be addicted to it and not to ask him. I asked again and he went on a killing spree. It was a long dream but I dont remember too much. It ended with him getting caught and his assistants killing themselves.

I have no idea what has happened to me this night, I don't even know what was a dream and what was reality.

I have just woken in the middle of the night, I don't know if I'm dreaming or if I really woke up. I remain in the bed for a bit, however I move and blink. I feel a strong earache to the right ear, sort of change in the air pressure, a very high change. It does not pass more than one second that I feel myself literally transitioning in something, I have never experienced anything similar. I'm going through a dark, hypnagogic-like tunnel.

I am lucid already, I am aware of the fact that I have just passed through something really weird, but I don't really think about it. Since I am still in my bed, I decide to get up. There's a floating, glowing red orb in the middle of my room. It is very clear in the darkness, however it doesn't emit any light. I make a reality check, multiple times, I have five fingers on each hand; I also try to fly, it doesn't work; is it not a dream? This can't be possible. I think that I may be astral projecting (even though I have no idea how that works) so I continue with my things.
I don't need to stabilize this, I don't even think about stabilizing at all. Everything feels so real.
I think it would be awesome to try to create an electric wig from the thin air, literally from nothing. I make a crack movement with my hand, assuming that the wig is there. Nothing happens; I attempt to summon the wig a few more times, without any success. I attempt to create a floating fire ball: it's a failure too.

I walk in the kitchen and inspect my surroundings. Nothing is apparently wrong with my house, so I look outside the window. Another orb, with the same shape and glow effect from the red mate, is on my balcony. It is blue. As I turn around, I notice that there's a man eyeing me with suspicion. He looks a lot like Rico Rodriguez from Just Cause 2. He is nervous and angry for some reason; he throws me on the table with great strenght. He knows that I am dreaming, I can feel that he is experienced, a veteran of some sort. Some debris fall from the ceiling, hitting the table some inches away from me. I still don't need to stabilize myself to my surroundings and I can keep my lucidity without any problem.

What are you doing? - I ask him.

What are you doing here? - He says.

I have no idea why he's attacking me, but I try to defend myself by jumping to the sides, since I can't counter-attack with proper spells. He moves his hand to make a crack movement too, does he want to summon a wig like me? Nothing has been summoned. He tries a few more times, he is clearly confused: why can't he summon any spell?
I tell him that I have the same problem and that I think that the light orbs are the cause.

We are going to find out. - He replies, allowing for peace in our battle.



I wake up once again... As I lower my head on the pillow, I feel the earache again; it is followed by the same transition.

This time, I am wobbling between lucidity and un-aware; I am in a large warehouse of some sort... Or a big tent.
Some of my friends are dancing in a corner of the tent, in front of a stage. I decide to join them and dance with them as well. The music I was used to hear in my childhood's parties is playing...
...After some moments, I walk away from my friends and stop in a large, empty area. I attempt to crack the invisible wig to make it appear; a short but successful blue line appears. It follows to the movements of my hand as if it was a wig! Little blue sparks emit from the wig before it disappears. The man I previously saw in the kitchen draws my attention. He beckons me outside the tent, I think he has some good intentions now.

I wake up once again. The lights of the morning shine through the shutters; everything feels as the waking life... I realise that I haven't really woke up during the night because those moments felt like a whole thing within those two dreams. However, there are some small doubts that tell me otherwise.
Was I in a deep dreaming state? I was aware that I was dreaming, but I couldn't for some reason think to the physic plane, nor I was really aware about that.

I've trying to have a lucid dream for the past 2 months, so this brought me a lot of joy (and confusion). I went to bed at 11:30 and had to get up around 7:40, so I was very tired when I woke up at 7:20. I layed back on my side and apparently fell asleep.
I remember being in a warehouse in the middle of the desert looking for valuable gems I could take.

I heard a noise and decided to sneak out the back which lead to an airport in a city. I opened the doors to the airport and I see a bank being robbed. My friend from school walks over to participate, at which point I became lucid because that was out of character for him.

It seemed to last just a few minutes, but I had the most amazing feeling when I thought, "This is a dream". I changed the scene to one of a comfortable living room just to think about the fact I was lucid.
Then I sleepily awoke full of joy for what seemed like ten minutes.
I should of reality checked because my brothers bed was replaced by a dishwasher (no idea). Then I turned to go back into my room and woke up for real at exactly 7:50.

I really want to have another lucid dream now.

Sunday, April 17, 2011*

I awaken in bed at about 6am and decide it's a perfect time to WILD.
At first, I'm unsuccessful so I turn over on my other side. Moments later I'm sitting up in bed behind my covers and I'm afraid. I have my eyes shut, but I can feel something in the room and it starts grabbing at me. This whole time I'm thinking "It's not real only a dream" so I start telling it to go away. I think it works eventually because my eyes are open and my room is empty. I lay back in bed cover myself and think "I have an aura protecting my head and my covers protecting my body, I'm safe". I remember reading the aura thing somewhere. Next thing I know I can feel something climb up onto my bed and on my back. For some reason at first I panic and actually grab one of it's hands. The hand felt so damn real I just squeezed. I don't know what it looked like because my eyes are still shut. In a panicked state I try to scream and just as I do it laughs in my ear. I then remember that in SP there is the old hag and if you fight it lasts longer so I relaxed and knew I couldn't be hurt and it wasn't real. I wake up in my bed stiff and admittedly frightened. Im in the original position i rolled into while attempting to wild. It takes me a few minutes to confirm to myself I'm actually awake this time.*

16.04.2011

Mixing from reality (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

Yesterday I spoken with a friend, who I am spiritually very attached. She told me her husband and her had a common friend online (over the Ikariam game) She told me she almost divorced because she "felt" in love with the other guy who she has never seen. She realized it was almost a confusion.

I was watching this dream in 3rd person. I was following a guy who was arguing with his wife. His wife had a lover online. He was sure his wife loved him, and his very wife, also loved him, but he was confused. Some discussions happened during the dream. Suddenly, I was that guy with a made up wife. She started to lie to me and I reminded her I was able to read auras. I started to read her aura and found she was not being honest. She got nervious.

I had a FA in my room where I explained to my wife this dream. She got mad at me for no reason. I woke up.

8-3-06

I think what I said in yesterday's post is true. After writing in my journal and getting lucid dreaming back on my mind, I had a lucid dream. Plus my night was full of many other dreams that I remember quite well. This was my best night of dream recall in a couple of weeks--about the time I went away and stopped writing in this journal.

My Lucid Dream

It started with me being in a room that I didn't recognize. Suddenly Jeff walks in with a kitten.

[Note: This is the same kitten I saw in real life two days ago. This was an odd thing, so I'll share it. I was walking in to Safeway and right inside the door was a little Native American boy 4 or 5 years old with a kittten. He was sitting on the floor and swinging this kitten around quite roughly by its front paws. I stopped in alarm and was about to say something. But I didn't have to because I had walked in the door at the same time as a German couple. They saw the same thing and started scolding the boy in German. Even though he wouldn't have understood the words, like me he knew they didn't approve of what he was doing. He stopped swinging the cat and held it to his chest. The German couple and I then slowly walked further into the store, wondering what this boy was doing without parents in a big store with a cat and no one seemed to care. It was really odd and I probably should have done a reality check. ]

Anyway, in the dream Jeff had this same kitten and it was quite injured. He had it wrapped in a bloody blanket. I took a closer look at the cat and saw that it was really cut up. Its abdomen was actually cut open and it looked like someone tried to stitch it up but did a very poor job because it was pulling back open. I realized that the cat couldn't possibly live. It was too hurt. I was about to tell Jeff what I thought when I looked back to where the kitten was and saw that it was suddenly a baby. A real baby. I was now quite alarmed. We had to get this baby to the emergency room now.

But then I suddenly stopped. I knew the baby had been a kitten a minute ago. How did it change? Could it be that I was in a dream. Yes! I was finally having a lucid dream again after I had not had one for a while. But I still felt this need to take the baby to the hospital. There it was in front of me looking so real and helpless. But I knew that if I was in a dream, then the baby didn't actually exist. So I pulled myself away and started to float. Yes, that was proof enough that the baby didn't need me. I floated higher, then suddenly felt myself slipping away. Dang it, I was about to lose my dream.

But I suddenly popped into a different place. I was now in my old house in Los Angeles where I grew up. I flew out the front door. I wanted to really enjoy this experience. I turned on my back and flew feet first, letting the wind blow between my toes. It felt so nice and relaxing, yet exilerating. I turned back so I was flying the normal way.

I looked around me the colors were so bright. I could see the details of the houses below. I saw the playground of my old elementary school as I flew over it. I saw some fog ahead I was going into it. I thought, "This would be a perfect opportunity for scenery change. I'll come out further across the United States so I can go somewhere I have never gone before".

Sure enough, when I came out I was somewhere I didn't recognize. There was a lake or bay. I could see a road below and I could see the cars driving along below. The flying in this dream was effortless. My arms were out in front, yet I didn't need then for steering. I felt the wind in my hair. I was going quite fast and high. This was the most realistic flying I remember ever doing in a dream, lucid or not.

But finally I realized I was losing the dreamand I woke up for real.

7-8-06

I had a good Lucid Dream last night.

Before I went to bed I had remembered that I had still not read the Lucid Tasks for July. I went to bed with this on my mind.

It started as a very long normal dream. But I can only backtrack it to a point where I was standing in line in a building with a bunch of other people. I knew some of the people there: Jeff, Jeremy H and Marie.

I looked over the rail beside us and saw a huge pool of water (like at Sea World). Marie had her feet dangling in the water, and Jeff was leaning toward the water. I suddenly saw something snake-like coming through the water at us. I realized it was a sea snake. I remembered that they are one of the most venomous snakes on earth. It started swimming around Marie's legs. Then over to Jeff who was holding his hand out to it. It stuck its head out of the water and "sniffed" Jeff's hand. I was waiting for it to bite him at any second. But to my relief it then swam away without harming anyone.

I then realized that we were alone and that we had lost our group. We started to run ahead. And I started doing cool things like jumping down whole staircases in one jump. Or jumping over obsticles that are in my way...and staying up in the air a very long time. It was a very satisfying feeling.

I finally ran out the door to the outside. Everything was beautiful. It had been raining and the sky was still overcast except for a strip around the horizon. The sun was shining through that gap and everything was glowing a golden yellow (like it does in real life under these circumstances).

I thought it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I saw that I was at Disneyland, and I could see the Matterhorn not too far away also glowing in the golden sunlight.

I'm not sure what triggered lucidity, but the next thing I knew, I was lucid and flying toward the Matterhorn. It felt so good to be flying. But suddenly I could feel the dream slipping away. I felt myself wake up. But instead of finding myself in bed like most of my False Awakenings I was just back on the ground.

I saw a house and flew up by its roof. I remembered that I had wanted to do one of the Lucid Tasks. But I hadn't read July's Task yet. So I figured the next best thing was to try to do some old tasks. I looked at the house next to me and wondered how hard it would be to destroy it with my bare hands. I had never tried anything like that before. I pulled back my fist and gave it a hard punch. Nothing happened except for giving me sore knuckles. I focused my mind and picutred making a huge hole with the next punch. I punched again. And again. But I was unable to do any damage (except to my knuckles). I didn't worry too much. I figured destroying things wasn't one of my strengths.

I then thought of catching a butterfly. I wondered how hard that would be. I started floating out from the house and looked around. As I was flying I felt something tickle my nose and I looked and saw two butterflies....one large one and a smaller one. The smaller one had beautiful wings--the upper parts were orange and the lower parts black. I slowly reached out my hands and cupped them around the little butterfly. I could feel its wings brush the insides of my hands. I was surprised how easy that was. I then let the butterfly go.

I then decided to fly very high. I was having problems getting higher than about 30-40 feet. I remember there was a tree beside me that I couldn't get any higher than. I would suddenly slow to a stop and hover. I then really put my mind to it and got another 10 feet or so higher before stopping again. I wasn't sure why I was having such trouble.

Then I was back on the ground and I decided to climb this wooden fence so I could get high and then dive off and fly. I climbed and climbed this fence. It went up and up. There didn't seem to be an end to it. Finally when my leg muscles could take no more, I saw that I was at the top. I looked down to see how high I was. But to my surprise and dismay, I saw that I was about five feet off the ground. That was quite frustrating. At that point I seemed to lose lucidity. I went on to other dreams. One was about being with roommates. One of them liked the same guy that I did. I think he was a garbage collector. Then we were dressing up for this dance. My roommate was putting on blue stockings.

And that's all I remember.

Goal: Look up July's Lucid Tasks!!

WAKING LIFE DREAMING LUCID UNDERLINED IF IT FEELS PARTICULARLY SIGNIFICANT

Spoiler for Past Related Dreams and History:

History

A new experience dreaming the other night. It gave me hope even though I woke in fear. It also prompted me to get off my butt and finally join a forum that discusses such things. First, a little history.

In the past I’ve had a reoccurring dream of family members and others trying to kill me. One repeated every year it seemed, starting at the age of about 8 and ending (at least consciously) around 18. In this dream a calm and intense voice announced to me that my family was turning into monsters. I ran from them. My father chased me (the chase scenes varied significantly, thought it seems that they were always outside of my grandmother’s house, where the dream started). Sometimes I got away, sometimes I fell, and there was one time I thought I experienced death before I woke up. The dreams filled me with terror.

Other similar dreams have often occurred, the main theme being that someone is stalking me and I am aware that they wanted to kill me. Sometimes I’d confront them. Most times it would be an endless hiding and running deep fear experience. Sometimes it was a combination of both. I’ve experienced other variations of this type of terror dream, often including sharks (in college), tornadoes, and tidal waves.
Usually when I wake the consuming fear and sadness and loneliness from these dreams is so very present, infusing me to some extent throughout the day no matter how much I process and release it. It can be exhausting. Ok, pretty much done with the history.


Recent History

A couple nights ago a terror dream was different than other experiences. I haven’t been remembering my dreams as often in the recent past (I started to type recent future, lol). I had meditated right before sleeping with binaural audio that also incorporates other meditation-inducing aspects. It was a pretty deep meditation and a lot more emotional pain than usual came up, but I was largely able to hold the discomfort in a larger awareness and release happened as well. I fell asleep.

Nightmare with Lucid Meditation

The terror dream was a series of people trying to kill me. Each chapter seemed to occur in my current home or a similar one.

One instance was a psychological death of sorts, where someone wanted me to admit something I’d done that hurt them but I knew that if they knew it would hurt them more than if I didn’t tell them. I felt ashamed. As they tried to dig it out of me tears ran down my face and I avoided looking into their eyes. I think I explained to them at one point that I couldn’t tell them or they would be more hurt. I was conflicted and I’m not sure I held my ground (I think the dream changed at that point).

The dream continued, one person trying to kill me, the dream morphing, then another person trying to kill me, and so on. They were sneaky, some trying to lull me into feeling comfortable with them. It didn’t work. I knew. I resisted. After a few chapters in the dream, I became aware that I was dreaming. In this lucid state I tried different tactics.

1. Dream Control

I tried what I now know to be called dream control. Tried to turn my stalker away, tried to make them friendly, tried to make it not be about being stalked. That wasn’t as “successful” as the tactic has been in other lucid dreams I've had.

2. Wake

I tried to wake myself. In the dream I had access to my real memories: I recalled that I’d woken myself from a nightmare as a young child, maybe 5 years old, after frantically trying to wake in the dream and having no success. This is how I remember it. I became aware of my physical body in my bed. I tried to open my eyes. Felt my eyebrows raising, my lids stretching, but they stayed together. I tried to move my arms. They were heavy, they wouldn’t move. Then my shoulders responded. Finally my arms moved. I reached up and opened my eyes with my hands and woke like that…my fingers on my eyelids, having pulled them apart manually.

Remembering the success of this childhood experience, I attempted this tactic in my dream last night while lucid. It failed. Throughout using these wake-myself-up-please tactics,

I would think I had awakened only to find out I was still in the dream. I became identified with the dream and then lucid and aware I was dreaming (usually because I had a new stalker or less often because something else wouldn't be the same as in my home) again over and over after each failed attempt.

First I tried to wake myself by simply willing it, then throwing a large amount of the energy of my desire to wake into it.

Then I tried to feel my body in my bed, to establish a connection like I thought I had in childhood. It seemed that I could feel my body and that I woke. This was the first time I thought I'd woken up but after I “woke” myself I soon discovered I was being stalked again and had not escaped the dream.

Then I tried to not only feel my body but to move my body, however, I found I wasn’t very coordinated and I was flailing. I became afraid of hurting myself or spilling my water on my nightstand, etc.

The cycle of thinking I had awoken and then realizing I was still in the dream (I think called false awakenings?) came full circle at least 3 times, though in my not completely clear recollection it feels like it was more like 4 to 6 times.

3. Lucid Meditation

At one point I tried to meditate in the dream, hold the dream and the fear of the dream in the arms of my awareness so that I wasn’t so self-identified with it and terrified. This was the new accomplishment. A big one. I don’t think it lasted long, maybe a couple minutes.

I’ve been in different meditative states in many dreams, but this one was intentionally, lucidly, induced. Even though it was a meditation initially infused with the desire to escape from the emotions, I'm still goanna break out with a yay! I came to a place where I wasn’t hiding or trying to wake up. I was confronting in an accepting way while still trying to protect myself.

The meditation did not relieve the fear but I felt more me, more whole. At first the fear was very present and perhaps more so. It seems that the fear ebbed to some degree after a time. I remember looking down on my body during the meditation. The dream also may have gone to black and white during the meditation and got a static quality to it, like white noise. I don't remember ever dreaming in black and white, though now that I look back I don't recall any color in the dream at any point. I am skeptical of it not being in color, however, because now it is days since the dream occurred and I only remember snippets. After the short meditation is when I fuzzily think I woke.

I don't remember the sequence of the following parts of the dream. I'm about 90% sure I wasn’t lucid at the time:

I felt physical pain when one stalker was biting my lips. The physical pain felt so…well…physical. It hurt in a sharp way, just as if my dream body was a physical one. That realization is unsettling and also wondrous. Now I realize that both of the times I have been aware of physical pain in dreams was when I was being bitten. Both dreams were at some point lucid dreams, but not lucid at the time that I was being bitten. The other time was a dog biting my fingertips. Now I’m interested in this…why biting? Perhaps this similarity is connected to a pattern, perhaps not. Worth keeping an eye on it and a thought hanging around.

I tried to manipulate the people out of trying to kill me. I plotted quickly as they advanced. One of the people I offered myself to sexually to try to avoid being killed, to distract him. It worked. It was boring and rather ineffectual sex and I ended up feeling frustrated because I wanted more pleasure, even though I was creeped out and scared.

Well, that was long. I doubt I'll want to use the energy to write so much in the future (or try to refine the clarity of my writing so much, gah), but this dream absolutely fascinated me and I felt reconnected to past dreaming experiences after dry spells and inattention. It woke the inspiration.

I think a big part of why it waned was nobody I shared these types of dreams with had similar experiences or seemed to want to dive in. But after reading some of the forum, wow, some of you not only have had similar but extensive experiences. Thanks for reading, I'm interested in learning from others on this site if you want to respond! That said, I also have a very skeptical side and enjoy critical and insightful discussion, though it is tempered by many other sides.

15.04.2011

Relearning (WILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

It has been a long time since I WILDed, and I felt like a nap today so why not.

As I relaxed I listened to some easy-going music, and turned it off when I realised I couldn't remember the last three songs that played. I must have zoned it out. As I lay there, I tried to stimulate some simple visualisations, but none were coming easily. After a while, I seemed to read a newspaper. The print was very small, and the articles made absolutely no sense. I was reading very intently, and felt quite alert. Soon after, my hand touched something cold. I assumed it was the wall. But, not having moved myself, I knew it was sleep paralysis.

I ran my hand along the wall and opened my eyes a crack. I could see the same thing I had before I went to sleep earlier, and wasn't sure whether it was part of a dream or I was really opening my eyes. So I closed them again and slowly stood up in bed, feeling the cold wall the whole time. When I jumped sideways out of bed I opened my eyes again, knowing there could be no question this time. I saw my room in halls, crossed with the room of the house I lived in five years ago.

I stumbled to the top of the stairs. Everything around me had a psychadellic, vibrating quality to it. It slowly stabilised. I was very conscious of being in a dream, and even moving around in virtual reality felt strange. In hindsight, what I should have done next was rub my hands together and attempt part of the task of the year. Instead, I caved to my base instinct and went off on a shagging spree.

A false awakening followed, and I kept my eyes closed. It felt like someone got into bed beside me, so I asked if they wouldn't mind helping me up. This they did. When I stood up and looked around, there was no-one to be seen.

I'm going to have to get back into WILDing, I'm out of practice.