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non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Watching some show like "60 Minutes" about a reporter quest to find some hacker. The reporter shows a map of Australia and the different locations the police thought the hacker was at and how she found him for real. Then I am down there in Australia, in some small town away from everything. The other nearest town is 5 hours away and I realize that most people around here never gets very far away from their location because you need to travel by plane to get anywhere in a decent time frame. I suddenly also realize I am in the middle of nowhere and I remember my babies are at home, so far away and I feel so sad and miss them. I feel like I will be away for some time. I walk through the town, cross a crosswalk and see lots of people going in the same direction, then a bunch of uniformed police coming from the opposite direction. But I go to where the police are coming from and they join the rest of the crowd and head to my left down another street. Where I go is some comercial area. I enter a mall looking for a food court. I find some place that looks like a self-service buffet with lots of people in a line and by chance I encounter Zilla. I check the food on display and it is mostly yummy cakes but I want some main dishes. I ask Zilla if there is something veggie and she immediately grabs some fried tofu that is the last available and some other customers before me also wanted to eat. She gets away with it but everybody thinks bad of her and starts trashing her. So she asks me if I want to join her in going somewhere else. I agree and she takes me outside the mall into a back alley. Points to what seems like a private home, but with one single table with two seats outside the door on the sidewalk. We sit and wait to be attended, but I feel awkward with how bizarre this is. Some lady on a window above us is hanging a bedsheet to dry over our heads and I say "What if she was dusting a carpet?" She hears and replies that she could and she wouldn't care. But Zilla seems totally relaxed about all this. She then sees some family playing with their kids in a terrace on the other side of the road and because she is a mom now, she can't help it but to go talk to them about their kids. I notice the kids amazing eyes but I don't care engaging with them.

Meet Tova and come to visit her new house in Portugal. Crazy decoration with water tanks along the walls going from room to room, cascading at some points, with fish and plants in some locations. It looks gorgeous but then in one room the tanks are overflowing and ruining the furniture and the floor. I tell her to reduce the volume of the water to stop it overflowing and she says that's the plan but she isn't so happy about it because they wanted to create an effect like infinity pools if only the water kept still. I sit down at some sofa with other guests and there is a famous football player, some actors and some of these VIPs want to know who I am. We have some fun conversation where I explain I am nobody, and I am feeling totally comfortable among them.

I get lost in some backdoors, leading to service corridors and rooms and end up at the entrance of a kitchen. I look through the window on the door and spot an hispanic lady alone in there and some other door on the opposite side also with a window, through which I spot some nasty looking guys. I sneak in quietlly and I ask her if she seen those guys and knows them. She says no and she also finds them fishy. We then sense that something violent is going on out there, so we try to barricade the door. After failed attempts, she suggests we just leave. I get lost from her in the corridors and find some door to the exterior, ending up alone at night in the middle of what seems a parking lot in the back. I then become lucid and feel like levitating up into the clouds which are extremely low in the night sky. Then I feel like trying the taste of the clouds and they feel like cotton candy but without any flavour. So then I think about different flavours like mango, strawberry, caramel and I imagine the cotton candy clouds tasting like those. It works and I have a lot of fun savoring the clouds. Then the clouds start raining sweet syrup all over me and I feel strangely like removing my clothes. I bathe in the sweet nectar and start feeling a bit horny. So I play a bit with myself. Meanwhile I feel like I should stop it and actually do something more useful with my lucidity, but I wake up.

With mom, on the street. It's dusk and some really ugly clouds are forming in the distance. I spot a saucer shaped UFO with 3 lights and I warn her about it. Turns out, when it gets closer, it is actually some weird weather drone analyzing the incoming storm. We then spot a tornado and try to find shelter. There is only a gas station which doesn't seem to offer much shelter, but luckily it has an underground level, although with an open top. We go around looking for extra shelter but we just see people laying low and near the walls as there seems to be no better shelter. Yet there is actually a small corner room that has a wall and ceiling and offers more protection. I go inside and there is maybe 3 or 4 other people who are ok with us joining them. But since no one else is coming inside, I suggest we barricade the open door with something for us to be safer. They agree, but then some kids ask to come in and I let them, then Alex appears out of nowhere and I also let him, but then no one else and we block the entrance. Then when the storm hits, the people outside seem to finally start to feel afraid and also want to come inside but now we don't want to let anyone else come in, so they start vandalizing our barricade and a fights starts over them wanting to come in an us trying to keep ourselves safe.

It started with a normal dream of going to work, me and me dad and his friend got off of a train, it was some kind of futuristic train station, we were going to work
Then went downstairs where the stairs were empty at times
But I was always lucid somewhat
When we got down there things were different it was like a scene from my old school life blended in
That's when I started to dig down into my negative feelings, mostly of how I didn't get a girlfriend in school in high school etc. I started to hear and see alternate stories of the same things, I became my alternate selves, re living their bitterness, or that was my dream memories, and just got deeper and deeper until I accepted death wholly or something similar to that
And then I was at home , or at least at some kind of level, with no hope and kind of consumed by hopelessness, I went out and the sky was covered in storm clouds, like multiple thick layers of cumulo nimbi only lighted by a light source high up in the sky, it was like a painting, it was beautiful,
Then I was ready, for the unknown, usually I don't engage with scenes like that in a dream or so that's what I thought, but this time I didn't give a damn
I knew there was something there, the place represented my mind my whole being I think I'm not sure,

So then I said hello? Come on take me. My voice was weak but it echoed everywhere.
And as I embraced the sky I rose up into the sky and started spinning slowly , and my whole body was overcome with this feeling of healing and comfort, and I heard an upbeat kind of ambient music and I started to have some kind of monologue about the death of the suffering, and how I set it off and someone named mark
The sky cleaned up and it was a warm blue sky and I floated there, marinating in healing energy
And then I heard my mom's voice, but it wasn't real because she is still sleeping

side note: my feet need cold water, they heat up a lot and causes me to wake up, but some cold water calms my nerves down like nothing else in the world and then I sleep like a baby

I am on a walk with Melissa, currently in a neighborhood. It seems nicer and the houses are not that close together, possibly because we’re on the outskirts of it. Now the houses are all but gone and it looks like we’re coming up on the Hunter Creek trail. We walk for a little bit up the slight grade and end up on a large driveway of faded, rusty orange stone. A few paces ahead of us there are about three or four kids also heading uphill. I think they are all girls. The oldest looks to be maybe eight and the youngest three or so. We nonchalantly keep walking with them and end up inside this large house on the hill. Melissa and I are in a smaller and tidy bedroom, maybe a guest room, and can hear the kids messing around behind the closed door of another room. Melissa now stands up and pulls her pants down; she is going to change. Before she can do anything else, there is some movement in the hallway and then a man and a teenage boy who is probably his son appear in the doorway. There is something off about both of their facial features. The whole scene is awkward. Melissa is wearing a shirt long enough to cover herself, but she does not pull her pants up. I assume the man is the homeowner and I am bracing for what comes next as he has just found two strangers in his house, but he just stands there and never says a word. For some reason, the waistband of my shorts (my blue athletic ones) is very low and I’m trying to discreetly pull them up. I know the scene looks bad too, with her pants down - from his perspective it probably looks like she was quickly trying to put them back on. I guess the man is just used to people showing up in his house, and now he is gone. I am now in a large, open living room. Another man with a small dog shows up. It’s just the two of us in here, so he starts talking to me, telling me the dog is Zoe. I tell him I have a Zoe too, a black lab. We make small talk as I throw a toy for this small dog. I think about introducing myself but never do, and he doesn’t either. He has glasses, is somewhat dopey looking, and talks rather slow. This room has a window almost the size of the whole wall. Looking through it, I can see that it’s close to sunset. There are hazy clouds with a tint of orange and closer to Mt. Rose there is a group of clouds with the sun behind them. There is a very large patio area with some people on it watching the sunset. I notice a couple, the guy behind the girl with his arms around her. The man in here makes a comment about some girls out there. I say something about my girlfriend being in the other room and then walk outside. I get to the end of the patio - it ends at a fairly steep rocky incline that has flat areas that you can still get to. There are a few people hanging out in these areas. I notice two girls laying on their backs, wearing shorts and tight grey tank tops. It is growing darker out and the sunset is getting good. There is a laptop out here playing a Dead and Company live stream, though the current song is nothing I recognize. (I think I somehow see the set list and the first few songs are nothing I recognize and nothing they’ve really played). Someone behind me is watching and right before they walk away they make a comment about them looking like ‘science geeks’? I think it’s because John is wearing glasses. I am looking at the sky again now and at one cloud in particular. This cloud, silhouetted by the sun, looks remarkably like an angel. There are wings, arms bent as if in prayer, and even a clear halo. I quickly take my phone out to take a picture to send to Mom. I take a picture and a video just in case the clouds shift. When I look back at the video, I see the part of the cloud that looks like the arm very quickly move to its face and back down, as if wiping a tear. I think this whole thing is miraculous.

I am walking through what looks like Dad’s neighborhood (maybe on one of the higher streets, like Virginia Foothills). I run into Kat and she ends up walking with me. It is near sunset and some of the lower and plumper clouds are getting some color. The rest are smaller and almost evenly spaced, bright white against the blue. I look directly up and notice a glowing sliver of the moon. It’s all very pretty. Kat mentions the sky too, saying she’s grateful for Emma for getting her to pay more attention to it, and that she wants to see it more often. I take some pictures of it as we walk. We end up at her house. I think the garage door is open, and I can tell by the way she’s talking that she has intentions to leave now. Before she does, I somewhat bluntly mention how I want to stop drinking. This seems to pique her interest, and she talks to me about it. I tell her I feel like quitting altogether but am not sure if I should stick with moderation. She pulls a little red champagne flute from somewhere and hands it to me, saying I could use it for moderation. I look at it and its almost grimy looking opaque sides, imagining how it might hold a small serving. I kind of like the idea and think I might take it, but then change my mind. I say that I want it to be a mindset thing and not something like this. Now, Chelsea has shown up, I think in a car. She stands behind us and when she sees me she recognizes me but thinks I’m someone else. I tell her no and think it slightly odd that she wouldn’t remember me. I am now walking back, now either on a dirt road or a road surrounded by dirt and small hills. There’s a small stream of water running down this slope, through the soil and grasses. I follow it and see where it meets another stream on an opposing slope, turning to one and running downwards. I look out to my left and notice a hill where water appears to be coming from. There’s a tiny canyon carved into the soft looking dark brown soil, and I imagine walking through it. I am walking right by where the streams meet, doing okay with stepping on the sturdier patches of soil and grasses. Most of it is still soft and it’s hard to tell what will give, so I end up getting both of my shoes wet and muddy. I end up back home, rinsing and scrubbing them. I put them out to dry even though it’s pretty overcast.




I’ve gotten an email from the new girl at work (it’s not actually the girl who is supposed to start. I think I see a profile picture on the email or something and it’s an unfamiliar heavyset white girl). She’s asking about me not being there for a shift, but I’m pretty sure I haven’t been scheduled. I think I’ve been using time off. She sounds more like a manager than a coworker and kind of annoying. After the text there are a few pictures of a hotel room - I think it must be a work thing. The hotel seems nice and also very familiar. I think I must have stayed there before. I think it looks more impressive than it actually is. A picture of the shower shows the floor of small, dark pebbles and the opposing stainless steel shower heads. Now, I am in the hotel. It looks like someone had just been here but tidied a bit before leaving, so I guess I just missed her. There’s a full looking black garbage bag in the abnormally large space adjacent to the toilet. The toilet itself actually has a garbage bag around it, somehow from the ground up. I adjust the opening of the bag so as to be able to use the toilet.




I am somewhere with the family. We’re in a plain, rectangular building that is for something like customs or passports or photos (something that we have to do together as a family). I notice quite a few other families here too, I think seated at tables. Whatever we’re doing here, the personale is being very aggressive with us. They are making us do tasks or challenges that seemed to be designed to result only in failure. A younger guy, I think in a uniform, tries to handcuff me but only gets one finger. He notices, his facial expression betraying his embarrassment, and tries again. The same happens, though he doesn’t notice this time. He tells me to now “clap above your head and find some shade.” I think he also holds me down to ensure failure. Still, I succeed in clapping above my head, slightly satisfied with defying his expectation of failure. I’m not sure about the shade part though. These things go on for a while longer. When we are done, I’m thinking about how I’m going to write to someone about how atrociously we were treated.




From a third person perspective I am seeing a high rise building (a hotel) that stands alone on a sprawling fine sand beach. The building seems somewhat modern and is mostly a tower but with some structural embellishments at the base. It is also way too near the water and, in fact, there is currently water submerging the first few floors. I think there’s something about the occupants just staying inside when it floods, though that seems counter intuitive. Someone is interviewing a lone, blond man maybe in his late 20s. He seems foreign, probably European, though he is speaking more articulately than most native speakers. I think he’s talking about the structural design and why it is flooding.

I am outside somewhere that seems pretty far from home, but still in the states. The sky is bright blue, streaked by billowy clouds that are moving at an almost impossible, time lapse speed. There is dense, dark green vegetation around and it seems humid out; this makes me think I may be on the east coast. As I walk, a large building comes into view. It looks like a classical style, whether replicated or actually antique I can’t tell. There are two facades, the left one set at about a 20 degree angle from the main one. From the main facade cascades two long, straight staircases parallel with each other. Between them lies a fountain. I start up the stairs, passing a family coming down. I get the impression that this is a tourist site. I also get the impression of an octopus, I think because of how the stairs spill out of the main level? The stairs lead to a sort of open landing. On the ceiling I notice two different tracks of what almost look like fake icicles? running to the back of the room from the center line of each staircase. Though this main room is open to the outside, it is very dim. There are more people in here. There’s also some kind of museum-like display. I look at it, noticing the photographs and placards of text. There’s a wing off to the right that I think was the set of a movie. I want to go explore it, but the lights are all off and not coming on and it’s kind of creepy. It looks like a nice house up here. I now leave and take a few pictures of the building. I think I’m somewhat self conscious of being alone and/or taking pictures.

I'm driving my car through a neighborhood around sunset time when I spontaneously realize I might be dreaming. I continue to drive the car, talking to myself about being lucid and focusing. I park the car on the side of the road and step outside. I walk to the front of the car and touch the hood before getting down on my hands and knees and feeling the pavement. I pick up a handful of dust and dirt from the road and roll it around in my hand. I want to sit down somewhere, so I imagine a bench on the other side of the road and release the dirt from my hand imagining it transforming into the bench. It was hard to do this, however, so it doesn't happen, but when I look farther up, a bench is there in front of me. I go to sit down and just observe around me for a while. I look up at the sky which has gorgeous colors of sunset with light and dark blues contrasting the streaks of clouds floating stationary high above. A bird also flies over head. I imagine the bird swooping down towards me, and sure enough, it heads straight at me with great speed. I duck out of the way exclaiming how close it was. The bird jumps up on the bench, and wants to climb on my finger. I hold it out but realize the bird is larger than I thought. It looks like a fluffy falcon or hawk with some kind of fancy feathers crowning the top of its head. I hold out my whole hand instead and it leaps onto it. A group of people comes up to me and starts talking, including me in their conversation. The whole time they're talking, I feel like the dream is speeding up and I try to slow it down by keeping myself grounded. Eventually, they walk away but I want to remember their names. I ask them but I can't recall any of them. Looking down at the concrete, I see the small ridges and patterns on top characteristic of smoothed concrete. I get down on the ground until my eyes are level with the ridges and imagine the sides of the ridges being trees with a path running down the middle. As I get up slowly, I find myself in the forest, still with the group I was talking to. The trees sway overhead, but I soon wake up.

The title of this dream is to commemorate my physical dream journal being completed by this entry. May the second journal be more amazing than the first!

As usual, I seem to have become aware that I’m dreaming without being able to remember how it happened. I’m in a house along with two other people. I believe that they’re other dreamers—not sure now on what basis.

In one part early on, I’m looking at a still scene in front of me, like a picture. It takes me a couple minutes to puzzle out what’s happening in it. A young man is shown looking into a body of water like a lake. The sky is colorful and full of varied light, with a couple odd-shaped clouds in the foreground. I figure out that the cloud that looks like a unicorn’s head is going towards the cloud shaped like a dragon’s, which represents an attack on the sun by the moon, and the man is watching it through the reflections in the water.

When I’ve realized this, the scene comes to life in front of me. The clouds converge, and the sky darkens, with the moon appearing. It behaves strangely at first before taking up a normal course in the sky. The man gets up and heads in the direction it has gone. He’s going to try to fix the situation.

A lot of the dream faded from memory when I woke up, but in the subsequent parts, I was with the two dreamers. I only remember one person well, a guy. He is apparently already familiar with this legend—I get the impression he knows a lot of them.

At some point quite a bit later on, the others are somewhere else, fighting a monster of some kind. I guess some people don’t feel like they’ve really accomplished something unless there’s an epic boss battle at the end—but I just don’t find those things very interesting. While that’s going on, I’m standing near a grove of palm trees, above which the moon is floating in the form of a little, glowing crescent shape. Once we get ahold of that, we’ve won. According to the man, however, there’s something odd about the palm leaves, and a person will die if they touch them. But they just look like normal palm leaves to me, and so I figure I’ll take my chances with them. Anyway, I can fly in from above and avoid the leaves that way.

First step: make wings. I’ve been using shortcuts so much lately I figure that this time, I’ll do the full procedure like I used to. I stand facing my shadow on the ground, and will it to grow wings. Immediately, I see them unfolding, and unfolding further, out to their usual considerable span.

But this time—perhaps in response to my wanting to get a better view of what happens when I do this—there are also reflective surfaces nearby, although I can’t say now just what they were. I can see the wings themselves reflected in them—and since I’ve never set an intention for anything beyond generic wings, it’s a bit of a surprise to see how they’re turning out—red-gold in color, and faintly glowing. I climb up onto a nearby object—again, I can’t remember specifically what it was—and from there, hover over to the trees and grab the crescent moon.

In the process, though, I brush the tips of a couple palm leaves. And, perhaps because of that— or perhaps not— I soon find the dream fading around me until I’m in complete darkness. I’m still lucid, though. It feels as if I’m moving forward, but with nothing visible except for occasional faint shapes in the darkness, it’s impossible to tell—or, for that matter, tell how much time is passing. But after a while, I feel like it’s a good time to go back. I open my eyes, intending to be in the previous setting.

And I’m there, as before, and so are the two people. I can remember even less of this later part than I can the previous one—although I can recall the second person definitely being female in this one, whereas I can remember nothing at all about them from the first. There’s a series of events involving a deep pit filled with boiling water that opened up in the house. At some later part, the others seem to have lost lucidity. They're acting somewhat zombie-like, and are unresponsive to my efforts to get their attention. Not long after that, I wake up.

8.12.18

Awake, Non-lucid dream, Lucid dream, [Commentary made while awake]

I see a beautiful, blue sky with lots of puffy, white clouds in it. I realize that this is a dream [I'm not quite certain, but I believe I became lucid by first realizing that I didn't recall how I had gotten outdoors where I could look up at the sky], and ground my awareness in the dream by focusing on the clouds in the sky. The sky expands to fill my field of vision, covering up and washing out the gray nothing behind it.

I realize I'm in the backyard of the house I lived in as a child, and I'm with two girls I knew in elementary school. I walk around the neighborhood with them for a bit, exploring the yards of the houses. They are fenced in, and many of them are on very steep hills [which was not the case in real life]. At one point, a man who lives in one of the houses sees us. Eventually, I stop following them and start following two DCs who are young women closer to my own age now, a blonde one and an Asian one. [I typically prefer to spend my lucid-dreaming time exploring my dream world on my own, but this time, I thought I could maintain a longer, more stable lucid dream if I focused my attention on following two dream characters around, instead. It seems to have worked.]

We end up wandering from the suburban neighborhood we're in to a well-lit, wood-paneled mall. We end up in front of a hair salon, where the salon owner stops us and presents the Asian DC with an award for her hairdressing skills. I notice that she is suddenly wearing a pretty, fancy dress appropriate for accepting an award at an awards ceremony. After she accepts it, we continue wandering around and exploring. The next time I notice the Asian DC, I see that she's wearing casual, comfortable clothes again. I exclaim in disappointment, "Aw, man! I wanted to do the finger-snap thing!" [Meaning, I wanted to consciously and actively change her from one outfit to another by snapping my fingers, Q-style. I was disappointed that she had performed the transformation on her own. ]

Our wanderings continue to take us through indoor environments, and we eventually end up in a spacious church where the service is just about to start. A greeter hands me a service bulletin, which is a single large sheet of paper that you have to fold up yourself. I wander through the sanctuary, from front to back, just as the procession is starting.

As I wander outside again, I remember that the next time I found myself lucid dreaming, I had wanted to do the 'pinch your nose shut and try to breathe through it' reality check, so I do so. It still works the same as ever - I can still feel myself breathing even while pinching my nose, which I still think is the coolest sensation. However, this time, my dream-sense of touch tells me that I'm missing part of the tip of my nose. [I thought, "Maybe I've been reading too many A Song of Ice and Fire books?"]

I see the aforementioned blonde dream character again, and for the first time, we actually stop to talk. When I ask, she tells me that her name is Julia, and it turns out that she knows that I'm the dreamer. She refers to me as the "universe goddess." [There's a gap in my memory here; I don't recall how we got from just talking to this next part, but:]

Julia is now mostly submerged in a tank of water, and I lay one hand on the crown of her head, which is sticking up above the water, and say: "I, [my full, legal IRL name], do hereby name you Julia." As she climbs out of the tank, I add, " [Nickname] is short for [my full first name]." [I often explain that to people when meeting them for the first time IRL.] After Julia is out of the tank, I ask her if I can do that again, because I didn't use both hands. I ask her what her middle and last names are, and she says "Tilly El-Haz[something, I don't remember exactly]." We stand facing each other, and I lay both hands on the top of her head and name her with her full name. [She looked like she could have been Supergirl, or otherwise related to those Els.]

[Hmm. Fascinating. I've only met one or two other dream characters who exhibited any awareness that we were in a dream, and this is the first time one has referred to me in terms like "the universe goddess." This dream put me in a great mood, as my lucid dreams always do.]

Morning of September 5, 2018. Wednesday.

Dream #: 18,888-02/03 (two dreams). Optimized 2 min 15 sec read.



In the first part of my dream, I get out of bed to go into a different room. (My dreaming experience lacks the dynamics of a false awakening). I am aware of Zsuzsanna, but there are also a few unknown people sleeping in the immediate area, yet I do not perceive them as intruders.

My dream self perceives the unfamiliar setting as our present home. I look at a different bed in a well-lit room. Two Ragdoll cats are sleeping near its corner where the walls meet. One is ours; the other belongs to Zsuzsanna's sister. I think the cats are finally used to each other. The darker one gets up and moves to the opposite end of the bed.

I notice my youngest daughter on the floor. She is only about one year old. At first, I am concerned. I go to her, but she seems okay. I notice blue veins on her face, but she is cheerful. I ask the cats if she had fallen off the bed, anticipating a spoken answer, but there is no reply.

My dream fades, though I eventually enter another one. This time I am in the Cubitis house's living room. I do not recall that I had not lived there since 1978. It seems to be morning now.

I go to a fictitious entrance in the middle of the east living room wall. Farther to the east, from the doorway, I see that clouds are close to the ground, creating a virtual horizon at about where the railroad tracks would have been. I consider this incredibly strange. My youngest daughter is present again, though now about three years old. I tell her, "Look, the sky has fallen." I do not believe that the sky has "fallen." I only say this to pique her curiosity. She seems cheerful and wants to see. Still, I think something inexplicable is going on.

I am aware of my father being in the southwest bedroom. (I do not recall he had died when I was in my teens, long before I came to Australia to marry. I have no recall of my mother.) Suddenly, through the curtains, I see that the area where the clouds had been is blue sky. It is suddenly brighter, like a curtain rising from the false horizon. However, I am aware it means all the clouds in the region had suddenly come together to go higher in the sky to form a tornado. It will likely come straight toward our home.

Something unusual happens, as a thread of metacognitive awareness of recently working on a compilation of January 1970 dreams becomes the focus. It changes the outcome of this dream that otherwise anticipates a vestibular phasing response.

It causes my dream to model my experience from January 1970. Instead of a threat, the scenario resets to where I am looking at the "same" clouds near the ground. An angel with large white wings appears in the distance, hovering in the air in a standing position. She is wearing white and will probably give me a gift.

A dove flies into my hands, giving me the strong impression that the angel had transformed into it (somatosensory phasing). As I look down, as it settles into the palms of my hands while facing right, it is almost like a fuzzy pastel painting expressing peace and beauty as I slowly wake.

---

Aug 28 2018

I'm in my childhood church. On the altar there's some kind of human sacrifice of women going on. I remember also being around the sound booth (I was here a lot as a teenager). There are scenes in the youth room and parking lot as well, and they're all very dark, but I can't remember what was happening.

I'm in college again, but my curriculum is changing. I'll have to take a lot of advanced math classes I didn't have to take before. I'm really concerned but my fiance is trying to convince me it'll be easy, she starts drawing squiggles with her pencil on some paper in some sort of parallelogram (squiggles all going out from one point or line). I consider changing my major to Psychology, but I'll have to start with Psych 113 (whatever that is).

Aug 29 2018

As I was falling asleep, I did progressive relaxation, thought about a couple of new mantras* to see which felt right, and then started meditating on my breath, focusing on the tip of my nose. After a while I realized my body was mostly paralyzed. I decided to make the most of it and try to WILD. When I first thought of this, I got some pretty in-depth HI and imagined visuals, very vivid. But after that I spooked myself or something, and I couldn't get it to the same level of vividness for the next thirty or so minutes. So I MILDed on one of my new mantras and eventually moved and broke the paralysis.

In the first dream I remember, I was driving around my WL car. It was hard to handle (like trying to legally drive a car in video games) and I kept bobbing and weaving and turning around. My viewpoint was shifting between first and third person. I was driving around a warped version of the city I live in, and ended up running some stops signs or red lights. At some point some cops pulled out of a parking lot and started following me, but didn't turn their lights on. I lost them and went to an interstate ramp, but I didn't want to get on the interstate for some reason, so I was stuck between the ramp and the exit (it was on the left, whereas they're usually on the right). I had to wait for the lanes to clear out so I could back up and get off the ramp -- quite stressful. I think this happened twice.

In the next dream, it felt like an FA although I don't think it was. My dog was in it, which is odd because although I see him all day (probably more than my fiance) I've only ever seen him in my dreams once. We're in a darkened bedroom/living room combination. I walk downstairs and we're talking about somewhere we need to go. I'm possibly worried about an intruder? Slight shift and I'm going outside, I open the door and my dog almost makes it out but I grab his hind leg and put him back inside. Before or after that I caught him eating some crumbs off the ground.

Scene shift again and I'm sitting on something or laying on the grass on the side of the house, looking up at the sky. I notice some lights in the sky, like heat lightning. Then (separately) I notice I can see lights on the clouds, and realize they're coming from my phone! Even with dream logic I'm amazed that my light can travel so far to the clouds from my phone (I recall a similar experience from my childhood with a high-powered search flashlight). I try to shine the phone's light on a tree that's hangning overhead, and I see the patterns of the leaves on the clouds above! I also notice 2 moons, then 3, some redder or foggier than others, but mostly the same size. I wouldn't call it semi-lucid, but I was seriously questioning the world. I think I should try to add looking at the sky to my dream routine, since most of the time I'm looking at the ground or my immediate surroundings, and seeing these inconsistencies may help with getting lucid.

In the next dream I'm in a fitness center or some similar place. I'm sitting or laying down in these lanes, aiming my feet to sort of louge through the lanes. This is coupled with a video game-like view with arrows showing which direction I should go. At some point I turn around and lie prone, trying to go backwards, but my feet are dragging so I have to manually push myself. I'm sort of in a cobra pose with my back underneath this large pullup bar type thing (black metal wrapped in foam). Eventually I reach the end with a lobby or something similar (carpeted, reminds me of a Chuck E Cheese). I see someone I went to school with who I didn't really know, and I'm sort of embarassed. I say something stupid like "I'm having a Shiatsu massage**". She responds with something nice but is clearly weirded out.

The dream shifts again and I'm in some kind of locker room. Another less-than-acquaintance from HS is there and is trying to convince the coach that he should recognize/remember him. He kept saying "I'm Double-D! Don't you remember me?" and the coach humiliated him. I think my dog may have been eating crumbs off the floor here too.



*"I am a master/natural at lucid dreaming" - meh; "I look at my hands and realize I am dreaming" - solid; "I calmly take control of the world I've created" - good for focusing on stabilization, but it's a mouthful.

**Of course I pronounced "massage" the british way, probably because I just watched S1E3 of Black Books, "Grapes of Wrath", which is arguably the best episode of anything ever.

Morning of May 31, 2018. Thursday.



In my dream, I am back in the Loomis Street house. In this case, my thread of memory of being married to Zsuzsanna is extant, but everything else is absent. There is a vague backstory that develops out of the liminal awareness of being in the dream state, autosymbolism that brings about little white clouds outside of which are only about three feet above the ground.

To summarize, my dream involves looking outside (from the south room of the Loomis Street house) in late morning and seeing these little white miniature cumulus clouds, again, hovering above the ground, though only in a singular sparse row between the houses, slowly drifting east to west. I feel a very unusual sense of something being “off”, and yet no lucidity is triggered by this liminal awareness. I illogically “realize” that clouds being this low to the ground, even though they are small, will cause earthquakes. An earthquake does occur, and I go into the middle north bedroom (where I never slept in real life). Zsuzsanna and I cheerfully interact. (Obviously, a bedroom, even the “wrong” one, is a dream state indicator, not symbolism or more accurately, not autosymbolism, as dreams are not symbolic in the conventional sense.)

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Earthquakes occurred very often in childhood dreams, usually only the first dream of my sleep cycle, and they were not threatening to me in any way. This developed out of liminal dream control where I would deliberately shake a scene from side to side to intentionally change the setting of my dream (not by moving my dream self’s head but by willing the setting to waver from side to side to bring about a different setting, typically barnyards, forests, train stations, a friend’s house, and so on). Over the years, this was no longer required due to certain advanced knowledge when in the dream state even without lucidity (despite the absence of my conscious self identity), but this still remains an occasional residual factor.

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Fragment

I saw a blurred out feminine face.

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Cloud dragon and rainbows

I saw a family living in a village, their house was always clean, well organised, and it was modernly furnished. Out of all the family members I could see only mother and her son. The kid was hiding and escaping from something all the time, there was something he was afraid to say to his mom. She knew that he had some kind of a problem and they were constantly arguing about it. One night the kid ran upstairs to his room in a hurry, his mother followed him and suddenly they were teleported away from their house. They ended up on a cloud, there were many cloud islands and rainbows were linking them like bridges. The mother shouted to her son: "What have you done this time?!" and then suddenly a dragon composed of clouds flied above them and said "I brought you here!".

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WBTB Attempt

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Wedding, shootout and "Shogudan" immigrants

I woke up in my neighbor's house, put on shorts and slippers, and then left the house. It was a bright, sunny day. As I passed the street, two girls noticed me and started laughing upon seeing me almost naked. I ignored that and moved on to my house. The place was extremely crowded, two kids were about to marry each other and it gathered a lot of people. I went inside my house and spoke with several people, when suddenly kidnappers appeared and took the kids! I took a pistol out of my pocket and ran outside. The time of day abruptly changed to night and I wasn't in my house any more, but in some kind of harbour. I shot at the car a thousand times, completely destroying it's tires, but it still drove away. After a while police appeared and arrested me. Next day they opened the cell I was held in, one of the officers said: "All right, there's no place in our country for terrorist Shogudan immigrants. You will be deported!", but then another officer appeared and shouted at them: "What the hell are you doing? You've just arrested our best agent!", then he gave me a badge and a gun.

Morning of November 4, 2017. Saturday.



Dream Series: The Experience of Prescience, the Inexplicable Dream State Phenomenon. Part 3

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Over time, I become aware of a very unlikely situation (which has no discernible backstory), although my dream self does not consider it unusual. I am resting outside in an unknown location on the side of a hill that is about the height of a one-storey house (when not elevated on stumps or with a higher roof as our house has). It also seems to be part of a house on one level. I have a blanket over me. I am aware of a number of unknown people also sleeping on the hill or “building” and within the sparse framework. It seems to be nighttime.

It begins to rain lightly and this hill or odd pyramidal building (note that the roof of our house in real life is pyramidal) seems to take on unusual properties as if it was made out of miscellaneous junk and tarpaulins as well as at least fifty percent dirt. I feel a bit uneasy, but not uncomfortable. It begins to collapse due to stormy weather, the metal part of the tarpaulins noisily clattering on other parts of the framework, which seems somewhat oppressive after a time, but I do not respond with emotion or fear. I cover myself fully with my blanket, including my head. The hill or building is eventually flattened though no one is hurt. No one talks directly to me. I look up at the sky and notice very unusual clouds passing overhead. They have very unusual shapes and atypical colors, some vaguely similar to jigsaw puzzle pieces. I enjoy seeing them but I do not know if it is suitable to sleep here now.

I get up and walk through a doorway to find a better place to sleep indoors. I am vaguely aware that the room is modeled after the Loomis Street house’s living room, though it is more like a cave. To my left, in an armchair recliner, is a large Minotaur. In front of me is a couch with the back oriented to the right of my viewpoint. The furniture layout is the same as it was in the Loomis Street house living room. There are other features that I do not directly focus on. I consider sleeping on the couch.

“You’re not sleeping there,” says the Minotaur somewhat frustratingly, as he notices me looking at the couch, though indicating no anger or threatening posture. It almost seems as if he is afraid of me or at least does not want anyone else intruding on his relaxing environment. Eventually, I decide to turn around and find myself in my own bed in reality upon waking up.

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Friday, 30 March 2018: What I presently understand about this dream, based on the following real-life event: A few days after this dream, on November 7, a totally unexpected devastating storm (with very atypical clouds prior to it - unusual shapes and of odd colors), tore the roof from our house and carried it down the street, where it landed in front of another house.

My family and I had to endure over a month of large tarpaulins slamming against what was left of the front part of our roof. (The noise was almost ear-splitting and my family had to leave the house at times, though there were days when it was not as noisy.) This devastating storm was so unexpected, there were still a few people working on the street near our house only minutes before. Members of my family had been out to see a movie, and had taken the bus. If the timing had been different by only one minute (when they had come in the house), there would have been more serious consequences.

What is usually RAS personification (for preconscious RAS mediation or modulation) is the Minotaur in this case, and an association with my brother-in-law Bob. It seems pertinent however, that bulls were only otherwise a recurring RAS modulation factor (bulls crashing through the wall for example, as a WAF - waking alert factor) in very early childhood, which should have told me there was something in this dream’s autosymbolism that was very atypical and of which was a warning. The fact remains however, even if I had fully known of this event beforehand, there was little that could have been done. Additionally, another literal factor that came to pass was members of my family sleeping under a destroyed roof covered by large tarpaulins. Zsuzsanna and I slept on the floor in the front room for a time, until the destroyed beds and roof were replaced. This is part 3 of what will be at least 500 parts, as prescience is a major factor of my dreaming history other than autosymbolism and auto-scripting. These main factors of dreams are usually completely ignored by most of modern society.

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Morning of June 26, 2017. Monday.



I am back on Loomis Street (where I have not been since February 9th of 1994 in reality) within a typically distorted dream-self identity of not being with viable memory beyond that of my eighteen-year-old self. I am in the living room of the Loomis Street house. There had been details that the world will be having strange weather, which has something to do with the sun. At first, my dream seems to be based on only unusual weather approaching, but not that threatening. However, the concept changes, becoming far more dramatic, before my dream ends.

My mother is alive and seemingly well and in the west bedroom of the Loomis Street house. I have no memory of her passing in 2002.

It seems to be afternoon. I am in a state where I decide to play around with the world itself by spinning the entire atmosphere, clouds and all, as fast as possible. That is, rather than causing Earth to spin faster or to slow down, it remains at its present rotation as I spin the sky around, north to south. The clouds are white and fluffy against a bright blue sky. The realism is extraordinary as I look out through the porch windows and watch the clouds dart across the sky as I willfully spin the atmosphere. I am doing this to show a few other (unknown) people what might soon be happening naturally due to the celestial events. This goes on for several minutes.

Eventually, the celestial changes come and the sky changes. Very unusual clouds appear in the sky. I sense people’s fear while not feeling threatened myself.

For a time, the sky looks much like an analogue television screen that is not fully on the channel. That is, there are diagonal lines and flickering bars across the sky. There is one very loud thunderclap. Looking at the sky again, it resembles an empty multicolored spreadsheet, with each cell randomly billowing downwards slightly, the whole expanse with somewhat of a wavering effect.

I know I should see my mother. She sits in her bed in her room and seems upset, saying how it is “the end of the world”. I do not feel any sense of fear or even concern for humanity. I calmly accept the fate of the world and of myself.

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It is obvious that this dream utilizes liminal dream control and originates mainly from my current conscious self identity and understanding of the dream state (virtuous circle effect) than anywhere else (even though I have no memory beyond my late teenage years while still within my dream). That is, I know I am creating my dream, and yet my dream self identity is not aware of this at a viable level. It partly comes from having looked at a childhood dream from 1971, that was in turn, based on having seen the movie “Crack in the World”, the childhood dream association of which also influenced at least one other dream of this date.

The evidence is not only obvious, but continuous on different levels. Firstly, I am able to spin the entire sky with no effort. Secondly, the sky then becomes like a television display not being on the channel. This is direct evidence that I view the sky as something I can willfully change as if with a television remote and that my thoughts are still based around liminal dream awareness. Then, the next stage utilizes an emergent focus on critical thinking skills (which do not viably exist in the dream state) when the sky then becomes like a multicolored spreadsheet, as if waiting for my conscious thinking skills to ascend and fill it with organized data. This same focus makes me subliminally aware of the waking symbolism - that is, dream state cessation as an “end of the world” metaphor (which has been a common form of waking symbolism since early childhood). (Why would dream cessation symbolism relate to the conscious self in a negative context? This is the ridiculous mistake I have seen people continuously make all my life with so-called interpretation, which I learned to dismiss at a very early age in light of truth.)

The fact that my dream self has no fear of this supposed end of the world is more evidence of liminal dream awareness and potential control being a major factor. Why should I care if my dream ends? It is a perfectly natural event. Even more obvious is the “return to bed” metaphor (yet another subliminal thread of acknowledgement of being asleep in reality), even though, in this case, it is typically distorted to a different time and characterization. The real puzzle still remains. What determines the status of my dream self (regarding altered age and time distortion factors)? What determines when and where any precognitive threads (or “input” from the collective unconscious or the Source) dominate the patterns?

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-1-A bully-like guy patrolling the hallways of a solidly yellow building, keeping everyone trapped inside. But then, a woman and I tried to escape. We grabbed a couple of essential tools and rushed the vent on the west side of the building. Getting out of the building was easy enough; it was the patrol that made it hard. He was chasing us 20ft behind. We took off up the steep wooded hill at running speed, using the trees to help us climb. The patrol did the same. Unfortunately, he caught up with me, and blocked my route with an arm. (He also talked like he was going through the motions of a stopping technique.) I punched him in the face and continued on.

-2-In a carpeted yellow building, I had to put on designated white wristbands for an attendant to allow me to perform certain tasks associated with them.

-3-A severe thunderstorm was just about to pass over the building I was in. (no, it wasn’t yellow) I walked over to the window and saw a distinct mesocyclone in the clouds nearby. At that moment, I was frustrated that all I had to document it was a phone. Later, I had run outside on the east side of the building, which had unkempt grass and trees (like you’d probly see at a trailer park or somewhat rocky wilderness). I looked to the south and saw a massive cloud base with stunning-looking features. Meanwhile, high winds fluctuated between 30 and 70 mph around the building over the course of the dream. There was also occasional lightning, some loud.