non-lucid

When I was a kid, I used to always have these dreams about being in a pool or lake and huge waves would start coming and I would be drowning and gasping for breath. I made that a dream sign, but I rarely dream about that sort of thing anymore.

I cannot really remember how things got started, but I was treading water in the corner of this aquarium. The pool was sort of long and thin and I was trapped in one end.
There was this giant yellow-brown jellyfish, now I mean huge. It must have been three stories tall. The top, sort of domed shaped part poked up above the water. The stingers hung down into the aquarium, so that I could not dive under it.
To the left, there was about 6-8 feet of clearance for me, and I tried to squeeze around that way. But there was this strange thing floating between the jellyfish and the wall. It looked like a bunch of bloody goat horns kind of in a spikeball. When I went close to it, I was repelled away.
I thought about swimming though the jellyfish tentacles, thinking that maybe they wouldn't sting. I decided that was a risk that I wasn't willing to take.
After a little while, all of the creatures in the room rearranged into a maze, almost.
There were a bunch of the horn spikeballs and a few more of the giant jellyfish. I made my way to this computer terminal mounted in the wall, just above the water level.
When I came onto the computer, a popup appeared on the screen.
"Would you like to realize you're dreaming?" With a yes or no option.
I clicked the "Yes" and started to fly above the maze of jellyfish and spikeballs. Then I woke up.

09-01-2012 -- [Have not been remembering as many cool dreams this month as in August, and with today's five dreams posted, I think I have got down all eight dreams I found worth remembering from the fist half of the month onto the computer. Still not every one right on time, but caught up fairly quick. Think this was the first dream of the month.]

Working security at an Orlando Paving Company type of place. I'm not working alone, there is another guard here, though he is busy trying to change huge tires on a dirt mover or something. He can't seem to fix one of the tires, however. I am trying to fix my uniform, but they have no more blue pants in my size, so I am having to wear a pair of khaki pants, instead. There is a blond haired guy next to me who seems really emotional, and keeps trying to hug me. I recognize him as Draco Malfoy and am almost laughing as he tries on his blue pants and keeps asking me "Do these make me look fat?"

He is reminding me that I need to catch a plane in about an hour, because some game magazine wants me to cover some kind of trade show or something for them ... though I love doing the reporting for them, somehow I forgot, and now I have to rush to get to the airport.

Somehow I have run off a couple of blocks, and now I have to get back as quickly as I can, so I can get my car and drive to the airport. I'm lost, though, and am not sure exactly how to get back. I'm tired and messed up. I think I am jogging down Texas Avenue in Orlando, and I find myself walking through a go cart track. I am dodging the cars, including some being washed, and make my way through the office, where one of the employees is say "I love my job ... no! Really I hate it!"

I walk West to a large warehouse, where I find myself climbing over the back of a big rig, trying to remember the combination of ingredients that made the load this truck was hauling so much more valuable than any other load. For a few moments I turn into some absolute moron movie character like Ace Ventura or one of the guys from Dumb and Dumber, and I am really annoying the guy who is trying to load the truck.

Finally I remember the extra ingredient was milk, and start planning to add milk to every load to make them more valuable. The fork lift driver seems to be George, the old forklift driver I knew at JC Penney's. He doesn't know if he can handle the changes, and starts trying to kill me, instead.

I soon end up back outside the warehouse, between it and the go kart place, and find a lot of sick people are standing around there. They all seem to have caught some sort of plague. Most of them are all right, but one went from catching the disease to starting to die from it in something like 7 minutes, which is a horrible, horrible record. An alarm is going off, and we're all waiting for them to come for her as her face is getting all blotchy.

There is some sort of fun organization that tries to give kids with the plague a good time before they possibly die, and they are doing parasailing right now. I decide to try it, and am soon up in the sky. I cut the lines and glide away before anybody can bring me back, and manage to escape. I enter a mall, and find many of the stores are closed, and the rest are missing half their stock, due to the plague. It slowly turns into Flea World, where I am walking past two of Ron's x-rated video stores. Bob Estep, who I am with, doesn't want me to look.

Soon I am outside at a discount gas station, trying to fill up my car. I am spilling some of the gas because a bad pumps. The prices are about $3 a gallon, when most places in the area are $3.75, so it is a really good price, but they are charging .05 a gallon in taxes that are being added on top of the bill, which kind of annoys me.

Non-dream Dream

I am at a resort with my wife. She is laying out on the beach and I am in the water. I look out at the horizon and notice that a massive wave, as high as the clouds, is coming towards our beach. I start making my way towards the beach but the undertow is pulling me out to sea. I manage to get out. I grab my wife and start directing her and others to safety. We get to the top floor of the resort before the wave hits. The water comes crashing through the resort and reaches our floor. I move everyone around a corner and we stand up against one of the walls. The water rushes through and eventually goes down.

Once the wave passes, we are in a survival of the fittest situation. We are in some kind of game and I am losing. Hermione and Harry Potter are in the lead. They are both under water and apparently time flows slower under water. Hermione gets out first and ages 3 years while Harry is getting out. I lose whatever game we are playing. I find a van and drive it skillfully backwards down a long steep hill and out into traffic. I am a sore loser and I begin taking important game pieces and scatter them all over the arena (which I believe is a high school at this point).

Next I want to have sex with my wife. I am ready to go but she keeps delaying. My erection keeps going up and down and I finally say fuck it and I leave.

09-11-2012 -- I'm at Newberry's in the Buena Park Mall, where I run into Joel K., who in telling me about this neat daily freebie in Runescape that I wasn't aware of. There is something about a weird sleep issue that might have told me I was dreaming if I was paying enough attention, and something about some kind of farming connection.

I am just finishing up an herb run, and have my pack full of herbs. Joel has warned me there is some kind of sacrifice involved, and I might lose any food I have in my backpack. I don't know if herbs might count as food or not, but I'm thinking it might be wise to stop at a bank and drop off my herbs, first. Joel suggests if I am stopping by the bank, to get some robes to use as the sacrifice instead. I don't get what he means immediately, but eventually I think the idea is cheap, disposable robes, so I don't lose anything of real value.

I think we're walking through Al Kharid, which seems to look just like Fiesta Village at Knott's. We're approaching the garage that the small Model T ride runs out of, which seems to be right behind the palace. There, Joel has a short fight (perhaps 20 seconds) with a small, chipped blade which is floating in the air. Beating it should be easy, even for me. He is gathering up some kind of small grubs or something, and storing them.

He explains this is only the first part of things, and leads me past some buildings and things until we come to a small cabin down a long road on the side of a cliff, where there is a witchdoctor waiting. He tells me this is where the second part takes place, and gives me a small carafe filled with powdered Tang. When I do this myself, I will mix the Tang with water to make a drink for the ceremony. But he tells me any kind of drink should work.

He briefly turns into Greg Jones, then disappears. I am now wandering around Disneyland/Runescape in an area that reminds me of the Big Thunder Trail between Frontierland and Fantasyland, and I spot Dale in line for a ride. I head further down the road, passing first a large wood chipper, then two or three inflatables that look like carnival rides. There is a ride that seems to be kind of a cross between a mine train and a Norwegian Viking ride, and Dale comments it is one of his favorites.

I make my way back to the hut, and now there is a guy there who seems to be dressed like one of the rangers at the Karambe Wildlife reserve in the Animal Kingdom. I think he is there collecting real blood samples or something, but it turns out he is part of the freebie. I admit this is my first time of doing the freebie, and I don't really know what I am doing yet. He doesn't get my Tang powder, and to my horror he throws it out, but just replaces it with powdered lemonade and adds water, so it's still ok.

While he is standing there, an evil witch appears behind him and beheads him with a huge lumberjack saw. I grab my weapon, and strike the saw, and manage to break it. The witch is about to attack me, but there are animals here that are defending me. I think there is a large tiger, and something huge (elephant, rhino?) is actually tearing it's way through the roof and pulling itself inside to help protect me. Unfortunately since we're in this tiny, frail cabin on a cliff, I'm afraid the beast is going to cause the whole thing to fall off the cliff.

09-14-2012 -- I'm in my room setting up some sort of computer link that will allow me to broadcast some sort of video from my computer to others in the same room. People or making fun of me and insulting me, but I carry on. Soon I find I am not doing this is my room somewhere, but in the street right by Peter Marshall Elementary. In my dream I think I am on La Reina, but actually I am at the corner where Glencrest turns into Nancita.

It is dark, late in the evening, and I am just about to start the 'broadcast' when a young teen comes out of the house next to the school. He is very slim, but athletic, and seems to look like a cross between Kevin B. and Steve K. He has a bit of an attitude, but I ignore it, and peacefully invite him to join us. He is unsure, but does so.

Turns out what I am about to show is a documentary I made about a mean old guy (who turns out to have been the teen's grandpa) who lived in the house until he died. Though everybody in the neighborhood hated him (and he seemed to hate everybody) I tried to get to know him and understand him, and then documented the odd things that happened when he died.

Problem is, Hollywood came in at the same time and made a horror film 'based on a true story' that was truly horrifying. My documentary was very, very different. Because of all the attention Hollywood directed their way, the family just wants to be left alone to forget, but the neighbors remain up in arms. Which is why I am going to broadcast the thing here in the neighborhood on this night, to hopefully help everybody understand and quit freaking out.

As the documentary plays, you see little kids from the neighborhood talking about how mean and crazy and scary the old guy is. I try to approach the teen when he is several years younger, as he is walking from the house to the gate of the school. I am being very gentle as I ask if he will talk to me for a few minutes and answer some questions.

Where Hollywood produced a dark horror film, I recorded a tale of redemption and understand. I got to know the old guy, learned his history and why he got to be so mean, and slowly helped to reason him back to where he was willing to start being a nice guy again. As he was just starting to turn around, though, he died. And either God or an angel came for him, though Hollywood portrayed it as the Devil.

We're about halfway through the film when there is a brilliant flash of light, and a somewhat younger looking version of the old guy appears in the yard and walks into the house. The teen tells me he's got to go, and starts walking toward the house. I tell him we'll pause the film for a minute, and he glares at me. I wasn't trying to rush him, it was just an expression. I tell him we'll pause the film for as long as we need to.

As I stand there, a voice in my head suddenly tells me I need to enter the house, too. I'm kind of nervous, but I fold up my laptop and carry it to the house. I enter the house (where the family is having a family reunion) and kind of shrug my shoulders at the mother, who shrugs back.

There is a brilliant white figure standing there who is God. He looks like a cross between George Burns (hence the title of this dream) and Henry Fonda in Gideon's Trumpet. Most of the family doesn't want me around getting into their business, but they do appreciate that I took the trouble to learn the truth, and then tried to tell others that truth. God makes it clear that he called me in to witness his visit, so they pretty much have to accept me.

He is here to help them heal, and put the whole situation behind them. While he is too mild and 'understanding' to be the real God (who is an awesome and scary presence), he is very impressive. This is his second visit to this house. The first was right after the guy died, when he brought his spirit back to say goodbye. Tonight he is going to bring another spirit back for a few minutes, this time Tom D., who died a week or two ago. [To the best of my knowledge Tom is still alive and well.]

Tom appears before us, and seems to know the people and situations (how that is when he has spent most his life in Florida and this is in California I don't know) but he's calming people and soothing nerves and helping everyone to relax. I am very embarrassed and shy when he reminds me that I can't shut myself away, and I need friends and family, too. Wish they'd leave me out of it, but I am not going to argue with Tom or God, so I just kind of nod.

(This one is from last night, bringing my DJ up to date again.)

Awake, Non-lucid, [Commentary made while awake]

I'm in House #4, which is enormous and elaborate and has lots of rooms [far, far more than in real life]. I go into one room that I had been using as an office/storage room, turn on the lights, and wonder why the lights in the ceiling fan don't turn on when I flip the switches, like they always have. [Arrrrrgh! *facepalm* It's been a while. I completely forgot that this was a dream sign until just now, when I was writing about it!] Then I notice that the room has been completely redecorated and filled with all kinds of objects and belongings. Someone has moved into these rooms. That someone has left a note on a rectangular sheet of yellow paper, attached to the wall, and has signed it with her first name, Emily.

While walking through the house, I pass a seating area with couches and a coffee table in an open area of the second floor, on a sort of landing next to the walkway that leads to the other bedrooms.

I'm in a dining area, sitting at a table, eating a meal with my roommate, LB. We talk about how I have this is my last night in the house, and I have to return to my original home.

I go downstairs and walk out of the house, which is now a small cruise ship sitting at a dock. Someone says something like, “If you don't come back, the ship will leave without you.” And I'll be marooned, I think. Well, Long Beach sure is a great place to be marooned in.

I wander off, along the city streets, heading toward the ocean. I find the frontage road that runs along the edge of the beach, and follow it to the next cross-street that leads inland. [The intersection I came to looked a lot like this intersection here, a place I know well from real life, but that intersection is actually in Santa Barbara, not Long Beach. In the dream, this area looked like that intersection, except grayer, more urban, and more built up - more like Long Beach, in other words.]

I turn right and head up that street that leads inland from the ocean. I come to an enchanted-forest-themed park area, where there is a gently-curving path through a forest of tall trees, and little statues and figurines, including one that plays a chipper, pre-recorded message when you touch a marked panel in front of it. The companion I'm with does so, and I turn around and walk back the way I came along the path, annoyed by the recording.

While retracing our steps, my companion and I come to a section of the pathway where there's a little toy train that runs along a ledge, about three feet off the ground, on one side of the footpath. The train consists of a toy engine, a toy caboose, and a whole bunch of random, small objects in between them. Any object placed in the line of objects between the engine and the caboose levitates a few inches above the ledge, and is pulled along as part of the train. The idea is that you're supposed to stand on the objects and ride the train along the ledge. I take my totem out of my pocket and place it on one of the flat objects in the train, and look at it for a moment. However, I then put it back in my pocket, because I don't want my companion to see that I have it. [Again, how did I not realize I was dreaming? Apparently, in my mind, that totem object is associated with the idea “This is a secret - no one else must know you have this” much more strongly than it is with the ideas “This is a symbol of your membership in the lucid dreaming community, a reminder to do reality checks, and a way to do them.” Great. :/ ]

(This is a catch-up post. This dream took place on the night of September 8-9, 2012.)

Awake, Non-lucid dream, [Commentary made while awake]

I'm in my old hometown, on a major east-west street. I have to transport some large, cooked meat dish from one place to another in the trunk of my car, without letting the juices from it spill all over the trunk, so I have to drive very carefully.

[Later, different dream.] I'm in my apartment in Omaha. My parents are there with me. They've come to visit along with SS [a good friend of my mom's], and we're trying to figure out a more comfortable sleeping situation than cramming both of my parents and SS into my office, which is what we have been doing. We wander into the far side of the apartment, where I don't go very often. We walk through a hallway that goes past an outdoor courtyard, with a brick floor and a stone fireplace, and into the large master suite.

“I don't come in here very often,” I say. The master suite has a large, unused bedroom and its own bathroom, which solves the problem of sharing bathrooms. We can also move someone into that bedroom.

A little later, I walk toward the door of my apartment, from the inside, and find that my parents are decorating it for Christmas by putting lights up all around it and putting a green garland over the top of the door, so it hangs down on the inside and the outside. “Mom!” I say indignantly. “I don't put up fall decorations until the autumnal equinox, and I don't put up Christmas decorations until December 1st!” I start taking the decorations down.

My parents and I are discussing the amount of money we spent on my relocation, and how much I still owe them. They are under the impression that I owe them for the car we rented, but I counter with the argument that no, I don't, because that expense went on my mom's credit card, not mine.

My friend Jim is in my apartment. He looks very young [younger than he is in real life] and is holding a baby girl. I introduce him to my parents: “Mom, this is my friend Jim. Jim, this is my mom,” and the same with my dad. While I'm doing so, Jim disappears, leaving only the baby floating in midair. [I have no idea how I didn't realize I was dreaming. I did take note of how strange it was that Jim looked younger than he normally did, though.]

---------------------------
Side notes:
This is the first time I've dreamed about my new apartment since I moved here, which was 1 month and 9 days ago now. This dream comes as a relief. I was beginning to worry about my mental state. On two previous occasions when I've made a change in my life (when I moved into the rented room and when I got my first smartphone - see my DJ entries from July 24, 2011 and September 4, 2011), only two weeks passed between the date of the change and the date that change was reflected in my dreams. This led me to develop the hypothesis: “Evidently, two weeks is how long it takes for my my unconscious mind to accept something as normal and start incorporating it into my dreams.” This time, it took just over five weeks. Time to adjust my previous hypothesis. Here's the adjusted version: “When my unconscious mind has begun to accept something as normal, it starts incorporating that something into my dreams. The amount of time it takes for that to happen may vary.” On a conscious level, I would agree that it has been much more difficult to adjust to and accept this change than it was to adjust to the other two changes in this data sample. I believe that this accounts for the time discrepancy.

I recognize several of the other themes in this dream as themes that have been on my mind lately while I'm awake. I frequently think about how my apartment seems very large for just me, so in my dream, my apartment actually was as big as it feels, or even bigger. I really am excited about decorating my own apartment for Christmas, so it makes sense that I would dream about that. Yesterday, when I was shopping, I really did purchase a few Christmas decorations, but I didn't put them up. My policy on putting up decorations is exactly as I said in my dream.

My best guess as to why Jim was there is that I subconsciously feel guilty that it's been five weeks and I still haven't found or joined a new Toastmasters club yet, because I keep putting it off.

(This is a catch-up post. This dream took place on the night of August 22-23, 2012.)

Awake, Non-lucid, Lucid, [Commentary made while awake]

My mom and I are watching a play together. The play features a girl and a creepy, life-sized puppet that is designed to be a body double of her. I see that $OfficeBoss is there, watching the play with his family. Then, my mom and I go out to the parking lot and drive away in the same car together, even though we both have cars there. We can only start one of our cars, not the other one, because neither of us has the right key for that one.

I'm in the Phoenix, Arizona metro area on vacation, visiting my good friend, JM. I have my own car [which I never do when I go to visit him, because I always fly there and get rides around town with him and his friends - this should have been my first clue that I was dreaming, but it wasn't], and I'm driving east along the freeway, heading in the direction of JM's house. The scenery around me is incredibly beautiful and lush, with lots of desert plants.

JM and I are hanging out in a bar together, totally chilling out on a sofa. I'm drinking a beer that someone else abandoned on a table. We walk out of the bar, which is located in a shopping mall. As we're on our way out of the mall, we find another friend of ours, ET [a human - yes, those are his initials], in another of the mall's shops. I realize it's him when I hear his voice. A bunch of our friends are with us now. ET hugs everyone in the group (myself, JM, CF, and a couple of others), except for RD. RD doesn't want to be hugged, and uses her fingers to climb up the side of a door to get away from ET. ET tickles her on the small of her back instead.

I'm walking through a beautiful Arizona landscape of desert farms, and at this point, I finally realize that I'm dreaming. I focus on the fact that the guard dogs that many of the farms have cannot really hurt me when I'm in a dream. I run away from one of them by flying straight up, and then start flying over the lovely scenery, admiring it. Looking southwest, I can see downtown Phoenix, which has skyscrapers and a giant stone head with a big, wide-open mouth. Just after I've started flying, my alarm goes off and wakes me up.

09-04-12 -- I noted there was something about Railroad Tycoon bits in the dream, but I don't see anything in my notes to say what. I am on Hickory Drive, and am doing weird bird calls down near the end of the block. No idea why, but I am. The ground is shifting under my feet, and for some reason a couple of times birds have flown up my pants, which are very loose. Strange. Very strange.

I end up on the phone talking to Pat Q., and as we talk I find she is there with me and we are grabbing a bite of lunch. We're at some sort of snack stand and Pat has turned into Carolyn S. I'm trying to tell her about the weird bird calling bits, but she doesn't want to listen. I am given a bird whistle, but I can't seem to make it work, because it is slightly torn. I try even harder, starts to work very poorly.

The guy working at the snack stand in kind of insulted, though I try to compliment him on his stand. Carolyn has turned into an unidentified brunette movie star, and we're swimming in a swimming pool. They are trying to close the pool, but she refuses to get out of it. She is starting to come on to me, and wants us both to play with the shark cage that is in the water. As long as she wants me to, I'll swim with her.

The people trying to clear the pool remind me of my cancer [I have never had cancer], tell me she has had it too, and blame me for putting her in danger. They start to drain the pool while we are under the shark cage (which is also partly a giant mat), tipping it this way and that over our heads. They are trying to throw buckets of mud on us or worse, but we mostly manage to avoid them. I am near one guy and gal who are making comments, and I try to be nice to them, but I am still not getting out.

Another one starts to tell me that she hears the movie star left 15 minutes ago, and was being very smarmy about it. I start checking around the pool and find I am now alone, the sole one in trouble, and am starting to get quite ticked at the star. I get out and apologize to the staff for making it take longer than it had to, and leave.

09-15-2012 -- I'm at the Hickory house, where mom has me preparing some weird thing to help save a dying magic tree in the forest in the back yard. Seems to involve taking a furnace filter, placing a leaf from the tree when it was healthy on it, then pouring some kind of magical liquid over it. I wait for the liquid to soak in, then head into the backyard.

Making my way through the narrow forest paths, trying to find this dying magical tree, but at one point I bump into something, and drop the filter. The leaf falls off and into the bits of leaves, branches and so on, and I can't find it again. I just have to hope that it was absorbed enough into the filter to work. Eventually I manage to find the dying tree, and I use the filter on it. It comes back to life, and begins to produce a brilliant red fruit that actually gives off light, it is so bright.

Just wandering around, I walk around a bend in the trail, and find another dying magical tree, this one with a white fruit that is very, very dim. I grab a healthy leaf just under the tree and start running back to mom, hoping she has another filter and some more of the magic liquid. Mom does have the stuff needed, and doesn't mind me saving other trees, but she has some other errands she needs me to do first, so it takes some time to get back out to the tree.

The forest paths are beginning to look more and more video gamish, and I'm starting to have the knowledge in my head that there are either five or seven of these magical trees, each with a different color of fruit, and that I need to find as many as I can, but unfortunately by the time I get back to the white fruit tree, somebody has already claimed it. I start wandering down different forest paths trying to find some of the other ones.

As I continue along, things are shifting. Instead of a forest I seem to be wandering through some sort of industrial complex, and instead of trees I seem to be looking for some sort of weird mechanical eye-like light generator. Still have been the first to find one or two of them, and still looking for a couple that haven't been found yet. And when found and activated, each spills out a very bright, very colorful beam of light into the sky. The things are big, and not easily moved around, but every week they are in a different location, so sometimes there are traces of where they have been in past weeks, but they aren't there now.

I start out in a large warehouse-like building, but soon am checking in smaller and smaller buildings, large tool sheds, service bays, just smaller buildings, still looking for these things. I soon find myself in a large building that seems to be a cross between a flea market building and a large garage with multiple service bays. But I can't find any in here.

I move into another building, and think I finally find another one. There is a guy that is supposed to pay me a small amount, but he doesn't want to pay cash, and wants an easy way to get it taken care off. He wants an account number, but instead I pull out my payment card from Courier Express since I am no longer working for them, and tell him to use it, instead. He takes the card and agrees, asks me to give the information to a lady over there on the computer.

She has a laptop on a small table, and I sit down next to her. She is short, slim, has short brown hair, probably a small chest, but she is quite cute, kind of pixie-ish, and wearing a short mini skirt. As I am sitting next to her I am admiring her legs, and suddenly she is nude. I start with a little caressing, pull her on top of me, and move on to more fun. Soon we're both exhausted and laying on a sofa. I am considering resting a couple of minutes and doing everything again, when I wake up.

lol, my usual DJ is currently out of reach of my bed, so I'm writing this here

I dreamt that I went to a local sci-fi con to see the Ace Attorney movie. It was different from the real one. After I watched it, I went to this room where they were going to show it on a TV. When I got there, though, the actors for Phoenix and Edgeworth were outside. I shook hands with Phoenix, then tried to shake hands with Edgeworth but I put out the wrong hand and it was awkward. As I was walking inside, there were a few more actors along the wall. One was an old lady who had played Oldbag. Then there were 2 people who apparently had played Layton characters, and their actual faces were all deformed like Layton side characters tend to be. Their faces were all tiny and squished to the bottom of their round heads with no chins.

I finally got inside, it had already started and I looked to see a small TV behind me on the wall, plus a few rows of plastic chairs. Trying not to block it, I was going to try to find this girl I follow on tumblr. I saw her, then realized I'd never talked to her so she would have no idea who I was. I found a friend and sat down next to them, looked back up, and suddenly it was the actors putting on a live play about the movie. Someone from the audience disturbed them, and they worked it into the play somehow.

I left at some point and saw a girl sitting outside the room under a table, drawing on some paper that was on the ground. I'd met her before, so went over to talk to her. It was suddenly inside a dimly-lit but nice mall. She was sitting next to a pile of small packages wrapped in brown paper, and we were trying to figure out what they were for. I realized they were prizes for a draw. They all had names and the item that was inside written on them, and most of them were iPods. I looked and found a package for me, but it was an AA related item, possibly a bag.

sitting at bench asking all them questions lol to Luke on is it because i'm ugly hell na. just replied i was normal walking from school. we saw cheerleaders walkin past . then they went back to where they originally came from.

Dream - Lucid

I was at my house, in my kitchen. My great-grandparents, whom in waking life I've never met and are long dead, were coming into town, and MK was getting a...body transplant? She was getting her consciousness put into another body, though the exact reason why eludes me. I want to say she was very sick. I kept thinking about and trying to figure out how in the world they could do that.

Then, she was at my house in the kitchen with us, standing by the pantry, with her consciousness transplanted into another body. She looked almost exactly the same, only younger, more youthful. She also had straight bangs, which I don't know that she's ever had aside from when she was a child. She was wearing a blue and white striped sweater/shirt with dark blue jeans. Her outfit was really cute, like something she would actually wear.

She looked happy, content. It was good to see her like that.

Then, she walked over to the stove in the kitchen to get something. I saw her from behind. Her hair was very long, reaching the middle of her back; much longer than I've seen it in waking life. Actually, from the front, I had thought it looked quite short before she turned around.

I then was in the living room. My great-grandparents walked in. My mom and great-grandma hugged. Everyone seemed happy. They didn't look that old at all, not even as old as my grandparents are IWL. The great-grandma even had some black hair left; it wasn't all grey. She was wearing a white and red striped shirt, and her hair was very, very short. The great-grandpa was sitting in a chair by the fireplace. He had a white, long mustache and white, wispy hair, but he was bald on the top of his head. He was a little bigger, while my great-grandma was tall and thin. He sat there with his arms crossed.

I was then in some science center for kids, mimicking places like that I went as a child. I wanted to go down this long, dark tunnel, like I had as a child, because it was some kind of fun cave exhibit/tour. The tunnel was so dark, you could see absolutely nothing in front of you. I was standing at the entrance. I saw children running in and disappearing into the black, and started to run after them. Before I woke up, I thought that it may not be as fun because I'm older now, and I was gonna be the oldest person in there or something. That didn't stop me from going, however.

~

I dreamed then that my mom was going to pick my great-grandparents up at the airport, and I wasn't sure whether or not I was going to go with her. I asked if she would be mad if I didn't. I don't remember what she said. She was then mad at my great-grandma for something. I then saw a flash of my pen pal's letter, saying he felt he was soon to die. Somehow, that connected with my mom being mad at my great-grandma. I felt her anger was irrational.

I was then looking in the fridge for something, in a kitchen that looked completely different from my own, when Jackie from That 70's Show said
"Good, now you can _________." (I can't remember exactly what she said there).
She then went on about Kelso. I had only been going in the fridge looking for something to eat. I decided to just let her think I was doing whatever she thought I was doing.

I then saw a photo of MK in her new body again. She was wearing the same clothes as in the last dream, and had the same hairstyle, but she was now wearing a cute black hat on too. She was at a restaurant, sitting at a booth. She was smiling.

First off, I wanna say that after two weeks, I can pretty confidently say that not fapping can greatly improve vividness and complexity of dreams!

Dream one, was waiting for the bus to school, it was abnormally bright, and I start talking to this guy who works in chicago but lives in the suburbs. And he was smoking a brier(a specific kind of pipe, that I probably dreamt about because it was in one of the stories I recently read in school). So he got on some random yellow bus that said something about Chicago, I believe that I just forgot about my own body and started just seeing the dream from his perspective. He had brown short hair, a snazzy tux, and come to think of it, looked a little like "Harvey" from "Suits". So yeah not much else happened, just went to chicago and the dream faded.

Then I had another dream about being at a golf course, everyone was smoking weed out of the briers (has no connection to me, never done any drugs before) but none of them actually seemed high. So they were all laying down on golf carts that weren't touching the ground, kinda looked like starwars speeders. So apparently these guys got the pipes from these notebooks that the golf course interns gave them. And there were tees in there too... So tons of nonsensical and I picked up on none of it. :/ But still was fun. Can't remember much else from that dream.

09.15.2012

Urge to Kill Myself (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I'm inside somewhere, and it feels like an apartment because everything is so enclosed and small. The surroundings inside are hard to recall exactly, all I know is that it had dark colors, and that it was mostly blurry. That's probably because I wasn't using my peripheral vision a lot.

My mother is inside with me, and I believe she's wearing a Black nightgown. I don't know why she needs to be here, but whatever it is, it doesn't seem to be anything positive at all. I can't recall the majority of our conversation, the interchanging emotions is too much to ignore to filter out what we were really saying to each other.

There's one part where I'm outside with her, maybe 3-5 feet away from the entrance to the same apartment or complex we were in a while ago. Again, I can't remember what she was telling me, but it was tempting enough for me to grab her collar, lift her up again, and with sporadic rage, I most likely yelled back as well.

It was like talking to a Chihuahua...all bark and no bite, but I don't understand why I would be so passive aggressive. We're back inside the apartment, or maybe I'm having trouble with the plot of where the scenes went first, and I see that she's just standing there, trying to be aggressive towards me, but all she's doing is yelling at me.

To see if she's just there to blabber and remain intolerant of anything I have to declare to her, I professed,

"I just want to kill myself!"

Wait...wait...wait...noo....you're supposed to say that$@%$

I stood still, waiting for her response, already formulating what she could be thinking right, which would be to tell my father what I would say. The tingling feeling in my head became stronger, and when she asked, "HUH!?!?!" it's like the vibrations getting even stronger than before.

To be honest, I wonder if this DC of my mother feeds off of my rage....

After she goes back with her jargon of yelling, I muffled out the auditory input somehow, and instead of fighting her back with yelling and threats, I decided to just calm down.

I thought about what my father would say if she told him this, but I didn't even care anymore.

This same moment is what confuses me, maybe I was lucid at this point, but it's so hard to tell.

Whatever it is that I do, I knew that any action contributing to these moments of spoteniety would be useless, and I continued to eradicate any urge to express rage towards my mother.

My intuition tells me the purpose of this dream is trying to portray my relationship between my parents. It's most likely my paranoia of what will happen next in the dream that keeps me on edge, when it's really just a dream.

It's useless to waste time portraying rage to dream characters that represent your parents....they're all fleeting dreams, what's the point in being angry at these imaginary figures in the first place. I also have another gut feeling that this also a sign of my daily annoyance of my dreams sustaining a vague intention of trying to give me a message, and I always assume it's random.

But at the same time, I can't even become analytical of them because I'm already set with this preconception that it's really just too random to apply conscious reasoning.

Maybe they're all random because as long as my annoyance in trying to maintain my discipline in recording these dreams, no matter how absurd or boring they may be, it will continue to be that way unless I change something.

So now what? Just let go of everything that I'm thinking?

I already know where I leads...even when I really do "let myself go" with not worrying too much on rationalization, because it's just ends up being shit, and it's really distracting me what I have to do in waking life, which is obviously just to make sure I don't end up in the soils of the earth too early.

Bleh. "Soils of the earth" lol, I must be crazy.

~~~~~~~
On a random note,

I listened to this song in the Prince of Tennis Soundtrack, and realize how amazing it feels listening to it.

I remember when watching the show, Ryoma Echizen (the main character) would be in a nearly impossible situation in a tennis game. He would be down 2 games, and the opponent would be leading 40-0.

Then the moment that song starts, the build up in the first seconds seconds, comes his favorite phrase...

"Mada Mada Dane" (You Still have Lots more to work on/ You Still have a Ways To go)

And he just rapes the whole match with these insane moves, it was so fun listening to the music and seeing Ryoma win the match, and as the music is about to end, the umpire would say,

"GAME!"



"SET!"

"MATCH!"

"RYOMA ECHIZEN!!"



Lol, that's a complete turnaround from the dream I just had.