non-lucid

Date: 28/06/2012
Place: My own bed
Time of getting into bed: 1.30am

Bad recall last night. I was too tired, and even though I woke after each dream, I didn't write them all down.
Dream 1 - non lucid

We are at N's aunt's house. Although the house bears resemblance to the RL house, it is a little different. It is N's Uncle's birthday, and there are lots of elaborate decorations around. My younger brother is sleeping over, as are a few other people. Most of them are already asleep in their sleeping bags. I am being sent to fetch some orange juice, as the house is so big it takes me some time. When I finally get back, they now want wine, and this goes on for most of the dream. N's uncle is rather drunk, but friendly. I'm trying to show N how big the house is by taking him round, we pass parrots in cages. We also pass a girl, crying to another girl in a room about how she 'shouldn't love him' but she can't help it. Eventually we settle down to sleep, and I notice a tiny little robin (the bird) made out of paper origami. It flitters and flutters around, and I am amazed at it, but everyone else seems not to care.
Dream 2 - non lucid

Went to a house, I believe to have my teeth checked out as it was my dentist's house. We were a little late, and my dentist (a good looking young polish women) tuts at us but still lets us in. She finishes making her dinner (mashed potato and something else) and sits at the table to eat. We join her but don't eat. She offered us tickets to see a band that I really like, but she wants £200 for 2 tickets, which is ridiculous! So I pass. Then a man comes in with his baby, and throws his baby around the room. The baby hits it's legs on the table and starts crying, but the man wasn't trying to hurt the baby, just make it happy. He continues to throw it around, but as it keeps crying he sits down and tries to stop it crying by cooing and kissing it.


***NOTEWORTHY***
I visited N's aunt's house once, to celebrate a birthday
I recently went to the dentist
I recently saw the band who the tickets were for

This one is written down on my lil note book that I keep under my pillow to write this stuff down. This was last night.

There was a toy store that I went to with mom and my brother jonathan. I know that I have seen this place numerous times in previous dreams before. Jonathan was off trying to get something in the back. Meanwhile I was looking at a few toys that brought back a bit of nostalgia. We purchased what we came there for and left. But mom and Jonathan went in a different car. I drove in another car and followed them. until a certain point when I lost track of them some how and was following another car. After a while the car pulled over after the driver became clearly aware that I was following her (I thought she was mom sue me ). A lady came out of the car. She was clearly frustrated that I was following her. I looked out into the dirt lot area that we pulled over in and I then realized that I was lost.

The dream switches and I'm back in another store. I'm a little...how should I put this?... I was a little "gitty", a tiny bit hyper. But it was enough of it to make me want to do something stupid and out of character. I saw a fish tank with a bunch of little see through fish and a few gold fish in it. It was just standing there on the far side of the super market, in an appliance area it looked like. Then after a bit of staring I break the fish tank thinking it's funny (I freakin love fish, why would I do that?). But then the owner comes out and becomes frustrated.

The dream switches, but I get the weird feeling that I left to an apartment where a girl is at. and she talks to me about voices and personalities inside me that compelled me to break the glass. But then a visitor that was related to the fish tank incident arrives I'm in a panic and I hide because I know that they want money to pay for that tank. After the first encounter, they leave, but a person later comes back with a gun and winds up shooting me. But as the dreamer, I didn't want to die so I changed the outcome a bit, (the alternative outcomes came all at once though). I was also able to look at other alternatives. So instead of him just shooting me dead right there, I changed the outcome so he shot me in the gut instead, thus letting me live. But the other alternatives to that was that I went down wrong after being shot, so it wasn't convincing, or that I was breathing, and he caught me. Either way, those alternatives would've ended with him coming up to me while I was on the floor and shooting me repeatedly.

Now as I sit here and type this, you, the reader, are probably wondering to yourself, "why would this guy get shot over a fish tank?" Well here is why; apparently the owner had ties with some kind of mafia, or he was dealing in some kind of crime gang. How I knew it I don't exactly know, I just got a feeling. But as the dreamer, I realized something... the mother frackers just shot me again. But hopefully that wont matter in a couple months because if I can stay true to it this time then They will diiiieeeee HAHAHAHAHAHAA!!

Before it took me a total of 3 weeks to become lucid. But I've been crazy busy as of recently, and I finally got through the worst part of my life. So now I'm hoping that things with my eye can return back to normal. I've also been dealing with college and I've found a pattern that I may be able to work off of. So I'm hoping that I can get it this time with in the two month time limit that I set for myself. I also have a better personal reason for coming back...again, Shadow man has not returned, nor has any kind of indication or hint. This is good because it was around the same time that my eye surgeries finally ended (give or take a couple years). I read Sun God's post on my forum and the patterns do line up (again; give or take a couple years). I want to find out why shadow man was there for all of those years, nothing more. The frackers that keep shooting me can be dealt with later, and the disturbing dreams I had before can be tossed away now. All I want to know is what Shadow Man was, or is. And if he represents any problems in my body that are under the radar, then can he come back? And I hope I can pull it off this time. If I had any other reason other than obsessing over him then it'd be because I think lucid dreaming would be a fun thing to do.

I don't remember much from last night's dream.

In my dream, I was in my grandma's house, in a room, sleeping on the floor. I was sleeping in my dream. I didn't know I was dreaming at the time, so I thought I was just sleeping. Then, someone came in my room, and tried to wake me up. I was partially awake (in my dream), so I was like "No, Vanessa, go away."

That's weird, because I don't know any Vanessa's. I know a ton of people, but no Vanessa's, and the person in my dream looked similar to someone that I know, but with different colored hair, and eyes.

Just weird.

I was In a room with my best friend and his step dad in the room was a couch a TV and a video game system we were playing a game that look kinda like super smash bros but the charters were different there was more but I forgot.

I made it a point not to remember most of my dreams last night, I didn't enjoy them and wanted to forget them. Not really nightmares so much as just self issues. I almost didn't type anything, but the last dream I don't want to forget so I'm going to type it anyways, then my interpretation of it, and then if anyone wants to point out something I missed please feel free to do so. Usually others see things I don't.

In the dream, I am with my husband on a street. We're not walking, just standing there together looking into a grassy yard. I get a text, and I tell my husband I'll be right back, and start walking up the street to check my text. Somehow I go from reading a text to actually talking on the phone, but I don't remember how. It was someone I barely used to know, a close friend of a close friend. I knew him through stories, but never really spoke to him. I'm asking him about someone who I believe is staying with him, and he's telling me that she's doing well. During the conversation I'm asking about a woman who I don't recognize in waking life but feel might have symbolized my mom by the characters back story. He's telling me that she's learning to be responsible for herself and that she's really able to take care of herself now, she's not asking others for help and money all the time, but working hard for what she has and learning to manage her money and appreciate things rather than buy crap all the time that she never uses. Then he starts telling me that there's still enough room for me if I want to come stay as well. I refuse, and he continues that no one would mind so long as I was helpful and did my share of work around the house and paid my share of rent. I refuse again, citing my husband and kids needing me as the reason I can't now. In the dream though, I'm more worried about the fact that I haven't had a job in ages and when I did work I never had a good paying job and I feel like I couldn't make. I go back to my husband, and we get in a car and drive home for a moment, just to learn from my grandma that my daughter is at the friend of a friend's house with the woman. We get back in the car and drive to go pick her up and check on the woman whom my grandma praised as we left for really turning her life around. We pull into a driveway, and as we're pulling up a truck is pulling out. Inside the truck is the friend of a friend with a girl, and he waves out the window asking if we're here to visit. My husband says yes, and the guy turns his truck around following us back up the driveway. I feel very awkward and weird about him being in the car with a chic, and I wonder if it's going to bother me if they start kissing or something. When I get out of the car, my daughter runs up to me. She grabs my legs in a hug, and I bend down to hug her back. The friend of a friend walks up behind me to my right, and smiles at me then tells me that she was having so much fun here, and she doesn't have to leave. We don't have to leave, I could stay. Then he turns into Kurasawa, smiling at me and reaching out to hug me. I wake up.

I do often feel like I've accomplished nothing in my life, and even completely useless at times. I haven't worked since I was pregnant with my first and was in a car wreck that kind of made things uneasy for a while. My husband is of the "I'm the man I should take care of the money, you should raise the kids not work" mind set, and up until recently I didn't mind it. I felt like taking care of my kids WAS my purpose in life. But now the kids aren't babies anymore. At 3 and 5 they're being much more independent and actually WANTING to get away and go to school and such, leaving me feeling less involved and useless. I think this dream is showing me that I feel useless and that I feel like I need to get my life back on track, and then it's also showing me that I'm looking for someone to pull me out, help me escape the feeling of being useless and unneeded (which I know I'm needed by my kids, it's hard to explain I guess, but maybe needed by others as well... I want to know I'm having some sort of positive impact on the world) Now I can look back and say, I've known I've felt useless, and the dream is showing me that I'm waiting for someone to pull me out and it's never going to happen because I'll always make excuses. The only one who can make me feel not useless, is myself. Rather than waiting for someone else to come and show me the way out, I need to make it myself.

Last Nights Dreams

Dream 1

I had a dream about feeding my birds but can hardly remember it ((REM Dreamer fell off aswell lol))

Dream 2

Myself and my 2 youngest Daughters S and J have been to the shop and i'm carrying 3 bags of shopping. J is on her bike and S is on her scooter. As we are walking back home we see some lads infront of us on bikes.
We are walking through an underpass and it's dark. There is a steep hill we have to walk up, I try and push J up it on her bike but it's too steep and I can't do it. We now have to turn back and go through the underpass again and we end up in a warehouse type place.
One of the lads on bikes is no longer a lad now but a man, this man is behind me and jipping me and bullying me saying he wants my shopping. I am holding S's scooter and think "I'll spin round and crack him round the head with this scooter" as I'm thinking this his work-mate turns up.
The man I wanted to crack round the head is of a stocky build and has short blonde/brown hair, he also has a bit of stubble. His work mate is tall and thin, has short black hair which is brushed back and has a pokey face.
The man with blonde hair now says "I need sugar but I wonder if she knows what a blow is?" I knew instantly that he meant a blow job . I really panick and feel sickened that he would say that infront of my little girls. I now grab J who is next to me and I shove her behind me to protect her from these monstrous men! S is standing by the doors so I give her a nod to run away.
I now say to the men "here" and give them my purse, I now say "you can have all my money, it's not a lot but take it all" I am petrified that they will do something to me or more-so my little girls. I now take the purse back for a moment and count out £4 and give it to him, he says "I suppose that'll have to do then!" at this point they both walk away, but the blonde one turns back to face me and says "I'm watching you ya know!!" .
Me and J now search about this place for my shopping bags. I see a woman sitting at her desk working, I hadn't noticed her there before and thought "why the hell did she just sit there carrying on with her work while those men done that to us!!"
While we are looking for my shopping bags I see 2 silver packets on the floor, J says "pick them up mom" so I do without the woman noticing. I rub the packets and feel coins in them and quickly put them back in my pocket. I now look for the way out when suddenly the lights go really bright then back to normal again, then they go bright again, then back to normal again. ((was my REM Dreamer)) I wake up to my REM Dreamer flashing in my eyes

Last Nights Dreams

Dream 1

I'm in my bedroom and I'm sitting on my floor. My hubby now comes up with his cousin B from Newcastle, my hubby's cousins ex D is also with them. I try to stand up from the floor now but I wobble everywhere, I feel drunk and fall back down onto the floor.
I'm now holding a duvet in my hands. Kevs cousin B now sits down on the floor beside me and suddenly the bedroom lights up ((must have been my REM Dreamer)). My hubby now gets a camp bed and sets it up on the floor next to me, I think to myself "I wonder which one of them is stopping over tonight".
I now look into the big mirror on my wardrobe which is infront of me, I'm still sitting on the floor, well more kneeling, my reflection is normal and I start fluffing my hair up, I now think "I'd better say hello" ((I hadn't said hello to them when I first saw them)) I now wake up in real life saying "alright B"

Dream 2

Holly Willaby is in thi dream. I am in a T.V studio and they are doing a piece about stretching fabric. I have a large piece of material which I oblong in shape, there are cane sticks sewn into the hem of each smaller end. I am putting clothes into this contraption and I'm rolling them to stretch and de-crease them.
Me and my sister are now taking photos ((must have been my REM Dreamer again)) we have loads of photos which we have taken and we also have some of Hollies photos which are personal to her. These photos are on some sort of conveyor belt. Holly says "ohh look, there's me, ohh and that's mine too....hang on a minute!" I shit myself for a second incase she goes mad at us for using her personal photos but she now says "ohhh yeah...I remember these!" she is ok with it and looks through them with excitement.
Holly is now talking about the material contraption again, I'm giving a demonstration as she explains more about it and how it works. I now get a large turquoise top to put into the contraption so I can stretch it, the top is way too big but with a bit of a struggle I manage to shove it all inside. I have to tie the top of this shirt around coat hangers which have now mysteriously appeared on each cane ((didnt notice they shouldnt have been there when dreaming)).
Holly is telling everyone how good this thing is and I'm thinking "yeah right...it's shit!!"

Dream 3

I am in a room and there are other people in this room with me. Everything keeps going red ((the light around the room I mean)) and I can't understand why, one minute it's normal light then the next it's all red. I now realise that it's the red lights flashing from my REM Dreamer and I say "I'm dreaming" but then wake up for real ((doh!!))

06.28.2012

Uncut Onyx and Oreo Cookies? (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I can't remember much, but I think I'm catching Kingly Implings from Runescape in "real" life again. I loot what's contained in the jar I snatched the Kingly Impling from, and I get an uncut onyx.

I didn't realize this yet, until I looted another Kingly Impling jar (and got another onyx). Then I started getting small mind orgasms on how I basically made 12 million gp.

I decided to bite on the uncut onyx gem, and it ends up having the fragile composition of an oreo cookie.

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!

I quickly take it out of my mouth, and had the intention of selling it.

Recall was horrible because I slept late. That's Runescape for you. >.>

I need to find a way to make 28 million gold pieces.....ugh, guess I'll have to catch more implings, which is why this dream was experienced in the first place. xD

It was a romp through plain insanity this morning!

First I dreamed that I was in my old room back home listening to the radio and cleaning up. There was nothing good on the radio, so I turned it off. Then I started searching dresser drawers for this certain pair of underwear that I really wanted to wear the next day. They were a pair white bikini undies, brand-new and I couldn't find them. Finally after searching several different places, I found them just under the bed as if they had fallen there. I was happy. About that time I was hoping for some private time, but my mom came to the door. She was looking for a dress slip that nurses wore under their skirts. I had seen something like that in one of the dresser drawers, so I grabbed it and handed it to her through the door. It looked worn out and used by someone else, and I couldn't figure why she didn't buy a new one. When I went to close the door, a cat on the other side with my mom stuck it's paw through. My mom yelled for me not to close the door, that I might hurt the cat. I was getting frustrated because one thing or another kept distracting me. Finally I got the cat out of my room and then my mom wanted to talk. Oh boy. That's where part 1 ended.

Dream part 2 consists of me driving a white van on the interstate with a bunch of other vehicles, like in a convoy. I have no idea where we were going, but in the dream I knew what I was doing. I drove on an over pass and continued to a strange junction with a lot of lanes. I took the one I was supposed to, but it went into a tunnel and the tunnel led to - the inside of an apartment building! It was a new apartment building and construction was not finished. I was driving the van down a hallway and everyone else was still following!! Suddenly I noticed a lot of debris up ahead and it looked like a hole. I slammed on the van's brakes and slid to a stop right at the edge. It was awful. The debris had partially covered a gigantic, dark pit I couldn't see the bottom of. I had just nearly driven all of us into it, but stopped in the nick of time. I got out and looked at where we were. It was ridiculous. We were in a wallpapered hallway with lights and everything. A huge white van was sitting right in the middle, smack on top of the debris pile with the front tires on the edge of the pit. I had stopped so fast, one tire was flat. I was talking with the other people, and we agreed that we should just go downstairs and leave the vehicles where they were. Wow.

We are going back from somewhere after a long trip. It was a kinda weird bus/car. There was some attractive girl I haven't seen before in front, then chris was behind her driving, my mom was behind him and I was beside her. We went to some restraunt to meet someone, and there was a kid named joel with us. Some waiter was trying to serve him but he ignored her as he played some arcade game. It was a weird table we sat it. It was circular, and when we got in it, they closed it to where it was a full circle. We left and we were almost to the mall.

We got to the mall and there was a dude sitting outside. For some reason, there were 2 lines of girls. One from outside coming inside, and the other vice versa. They were all flashing him for some reason. I couldn't see anything though, as it was just too far away. The girl in the front said something like "I think I should flash that guy too" although we were driving away, and the guy was far behind me. I said "Heck yeah do it" So she turned around and flashed me. Well played xD.

Chris had turned around so he wouldn't see, as she was right in front of him. She had turned back around but chris hadn't, so we almost crashed into a car and a person outside of it if I hadn't of said anything. We get back to our hometown and my mom says something like "Well done you managed to run out of gas." We stopped at some incline with industrial buildings around us. Somehow, it turned into a small train but we were still in the same positions. I got out and there was a little sign on the train that said we were going 0 mph. It then jumped to 6, so I got on board. Somehow, we were in two connected carts and the second one's right wall was open. We started going in a circle really fast. The first time around I managed to hold onto someething, but the second time I flew out and landed perfectly on my feet ^^ Then I woke up.

recurring 1) I'm in school again (this time elementary) and I am trying to go to the library. I push past a lady blocking me. There is a sign on the door that reads exactly "No library card I have know." I am deterred and think I will get a card when I get registered for classes.

recurring 2) I am enlisted in the military against my will. This time I have me two daughters with me. There is a woman drill sergeant and we are trying to find bunk beds. The space between the beds is so small that I am cluster-phobic. My older daughter is complaining the the woman gets angry. I explain to her that these beds are just too small. The woman says she will see what she can do. I know that the kids will get to move on soon but I will be stuck here forever.

3) Fragment were I am stirring the compost in my yard and adding stuff to it.

*My wife told me this morning I was singing "The Walking Dead" in my sleep. LOL. Too bad I don't remember any zombie dreams.

Once upon a time,
There was a girl with a heartless soul.
God gave her beauty, intelligence, a good family… everything except love.
This ‘almost’ perfect girl with a pretty smile had a grey monotone mind that disgusted other people.

One day,
She got sick of her family, staring her like a monster,
So she ran away.

Promising herself,
‘I will never return home.’

It was a time when a yellow field filled with dusk
While watching this gorgeous scenery,
She hums her favorite tune in a carefree mood.

A girl who carries nothing,
................worries nothing.

Even the weather seems to praise her freedom.
A wind filled with spring moist carries a few petals to her cheeks,
Foxtails tickled her fingertips; she made a crown with white and pink cosmos.

Like a dapple on a white cloth,
There is another presence in this picturesque scenery.
He is the one who calls himself God, whose infinite power cost him to be partially colour blind.

He cannot sense red.
For God, the gloomy world is full of dark things; green, blue and black.
Ironically his favourite moment of the day
Is a twilight when everything flickers with red.

Even a poisonous snake looks gorgeous as a part of the scene.

For God who views only cold things, a time that seems to embrace every nature,
Gives enormous relaxation that washes all tiredness piled throughout a day.

The magic happens only once every day,
So he puts an extreme value to this time.

It was like every other day,
Drinking a sourish sweet chamomile and enjoying warmth of the time.

Then he sees……

A girl with a white one-piece colored with orange dusk,
Leisurely skipping and humming at the same time.
She has the ‘complete’ colour, including red, to decorate her beauty.
Her curly hair with red light bounces with her footsteps.

She was …… as if …… caught in the magic…… of dusk.

Her fair baby-like skin has this attractive, warm light; glowing.
It was the colour God had never seen in his zillion years.

It’s warm… Beautiful…
If there is a goddess, that MUST be her.

Just in that instant, he falls in love with her.

She’s mine.

Her special heartless soul did not matter to the special God.
He can see it; wide and clear.
A chocolate coloured sound, beating with soft sugary emotions,
A red passion that God becomes so attached.

Without her knowing,
She became ‘extremely’ valuable to God.

The God smiled like a fragmented moon and wooed to a trembling girl, who is to become his…
…Lover.

You may harm the others
But if you ever dare harming ‘me’


I will……








Kill you.

Over there at the far sight,
There is a couple, fighting with their veins showing in their necks.

Like all the other quarrels between husband and wife,
They are supposedly ‘arguing’ about their child’s education.
Wife is nagging her husband, and husband rolls his strong, iron hands into fists and trembles.
Their bloodshot eyes clearly show they ‘will’ strike one another in few moments.

A shrimp like child seems to be squeezed between two angry whales,
Unable to decide anything,
But helplessly and nervously rolls his eyes like tennis balls.

Why adults do fight?
Why don’t they just DO a rock, paper and scissors and follow what the winner says?

He just doesn’t get this situation with his small head,
But this is the first time he realizes that rules at a preschool do not apply to adults;
Especially to his parents.

An old lady at the scene calls for a pitiful chick.
As the rescued child rushes, the old lady smiles warmly,
And embraces the child with her loving heart.

“Tut, tut… Kids are raising kids nowadays…”
She cautiously and softly patted the back of the child.

She’s like Mama,
A scared child dangles some tears, and shyly tries to hide himself by smothering himself into the old lady.

For such lovable action… the kind old lady

“Ha ~
..........Your journey of suffering ….
.................................................. ..Starts RIGHT HERE……”
.................................................. .....................................Sneers

“Huh?”

‘Did I just hear? No…. I think I’ve just heard something I’m not suppose to.’

As if to reward the chaotic confusion the child has,
The old lady gives her best, sweet warming smile and says,

“Despair… … child.”

Although he is an indiscreet child yet to know the complicating adult world,
He unconsciously slaps this ‘very’ spiteful old lady.

i am standing outside, standing next to me are my mother and my cousin, i look down onto the ground to see toads living in giant green blooming land-based lily pads, there are a few green lizards moving about as well, my cousin reaches down to one of these creatures and with its mouth it latches onto his hand, he pulls it up to his face and observes the 4 inch creature before pulling off of his hand and placing it onto the ground. I then see one of these lizards, i put my hand near it and let it latch on, it feels like a suction cup. (here is a blank spot in my memory) i know see a grayish brown 2 in. leach like creature on my hand, i pull it off and see a matalic tooth in its mouth covered in blood, i say "they are like leeches, they have metal teeth" (the last thing i remember is thinking i have never heard of a creature with metal teeth before and thinking of the alien movies.)
in another dream i am in the passenger seat of a red truck being driven by my uncle, we pull into a large dirt parking lot and i get out, two other people about my age, female, brown hair, blue eyes, they look like sisters get out of the back of the truck, my uncle takes of back up the dirt road which we came here from. The sisters and the I walk towards camp, (here is a point where my dream slightly skips) now i find myself in the bathroom urinating while looking out a window, i see a red truck surrounded by green pine trees. i come out of the bathroom and find a tomato paste can sitting on gray stone pedestal near the foot of a bed. i begin washing my hands in it, a person scrambles out of the bed, he is only a little younger than me, blond bowl cut hair, blueish green eyes. he tells me "stop, you do know what those are for, right?"
i ask "what?" the former replies "they are for if the people get thirsty." i say, "oh, let me go empty this" and the blond haired person lets out a concluding sigh. i walk back to the bathroom and empty the can (when in waking life i would have simply emptied it onto the ground.) when i get back as i place the can back in its original spot i see a drill Sargent like person talking about the importance of having bottles or cans at the foot of your bed, i begin looking for anything usable for this and a hand slams down a large white plastic water-bottle. it is one of the sisters from earlier, (the dream now fades out and i wake up, my eyes are still closed and i haven't moved, i wonder if i should DEILD but decide i have slept enough and get out of bed.)

Lights shone from the side of a bus window warms my body.

There is none of the usual hubbub,
But only silence exists in this suburb city,
The bus is driving without a driver,
Heading to a place unknown.

I am the last person to stand on this earth.

I stepped off from the driverless bus
Only to find a bubble gum machine
Filled with rainbow coloured balls.

Everything feels like……Charlie and the Chocolate factory.

Long shadows overlap my view,
I turn to see…… two giraffes.
This definitely must be a dream.

I am perplexed
For I never had a dream as awake as this one.

One of the smaller giraffes blankly stares at my eyes.
What do giraffes sound like?
Awkward silence fills the atmosphere.

Fluffy fur ~ So Cuuute ~~~ ♥

The black eyes twinkled with moisture
Reminding me….. …..

Just then
Clumsy footsteps with clouds of dust,
Notify its presence

I turn to see a herd of humans……?
Darwin’s way of human evolution
Stares at me for a long time.

Are they waiting…… who…… me?