non-lucid

It was night time. I was at somebody's house. I didn't know them. They were crying and mourning.

They were outside and I was there trying to comfort them.

I looked up to the moon. It fizzled, turned blood pink, and little beads of pink light arose from the center and aligned themselves in a circle around the moon.

I looked online, when I woke up, to see if I could identify that symbol anywhere but I didn't have much luck. I saw a picture of it on one of the charts, but there wasn't any explanation of it.

I was surprised to see such a symbol in the sky. In the dream I knew that it was giving me guidance towards something, that I had a greater purpose in this dream.

I was going back inside the house when I noticed that the moon had gotten exponentially closer to the Earth. The Moon now filled up the greater majority of the sky. I had never seen such a majestic view of it. I could see every crater in ridiculous vividness.

I decided to just sit there and stay awhile.

I was standing out of the door frame of a small-ish vehicle floating out in the middle of a lake. Two other people were with me, whom I didn't recognize but I knew they were my friends, one guy and one girl. I wasn't myself, for the most of the dream. I felt like a guy. My consciousness kept flickering back to myself, but for the most part I felt like I was a guy I know in real life named Shane.
The three of us were on a mission to meet someone - Satan. Images of magazine covers and internet articles flashed in my mind's eye with 'Satanism' and similar titles in big bold letters. I knew that the writers of those articles knew very little of their subject matter, that it was all just religious hype and media frenzy... but I knew. In fact I was on my way to meet the man right now.
I could see a small group of figures across the water, hovering above the surface, all in white tunics and slouchy pants pulled in at the ankles... like the style of clothing Indian men sometimes wear. He was among them, feigning unawareness of our approach. Suddenly my two partners had to use the bathroom. They didn't know whom we were approaching and thus weren't afraid, but they jumped out of the car and swam back to shore. I grit my teeth in disappointment that they had left me at the most inconvenient time. I couldn't fight Him alone, and he knew it, too. As soon as I took my eyes off of my friends' backs, I knew he was coming for me. Before I was all the way turned around to face him he was already hovering over the hood of my car - it was a blueish SUV, I think. My breath caught for a second... his grin and pitch-black eyes could freeze the blood, but... the rest of him...
He was bald and pale, with soft features, and the glowing white tunic only served to make him appear more harmless. He wasn't here to kill me. My male consciousness opened his mouth and began bad-mouthing the king of the underworld, causing me to mentally face-palm. As stupid as it was to use sarcasm against the man who was probably the inventor of hurtful language, I couldn't stop my alter-ego. Our opponent's grin turned sour at such disrespect; he and my alter-ego shared a heated conversation which I cannot recall, but then I knew it was time to stop this. His slight unamusement did not prevent his tunic from emitting an almost-blinding glow from the sunlight.
I ducked our body back into the car and began frantically shutting the doors and windows. It didn't help. I knew He could drown us in a second. He didn't though. Instead he forced the passenger-side window down without hardly a twitch of a muscle, and lowered himself to stare me in the eyes. My alter-ego broke loose with insults again, much to my displeasure. Lucifer's frown slowly turned upward and my heart began to thump against my chest. Suddenly the passenger side door (upon which I was leaning) flung open as Lucifer took a mid-air-step backwards. "Oops, your door is open," he chimed, in the most soothing, melodic male voice I have ever heard, and he floated away with a soft chuckle. Only then did the car begin to sink. I quickly crawled to the driver's side and opened the door. As I stood up to jump off, the water began to get wild and I could see my friends beginning to wade back to the car, too engulfed in conversation to notice the danger.
"Guys! Don't come any closer!" I called to them. They stopped, confused, as I jumped out and swam to them. I was surprised at how fast I could even though I usually can't swim at all. just as I had reached them and stood up to explain what had just happened, my male friend noticed our sinking car. He placed a rough hand on my head and dunked me under water again.
"THIS is for letting our car go to waste!" he growled at me as I struggles to get out of his grip. I was not afraid of drowning, but I became even more angry the longer he held me underwater. Finally he released me. I stood up and passed him to hide myself behind a building nearby on the beach.
Lucifer hadn't meant to kill me, though he could have in an instant, I reflected. But my friends had just deeply hurt me by not even giving me a chance to explain myself and blaming me after I had come so close to Death. I would just let them go back out to try to save the car, and let them face the same peril I had just escaped from. I would never speak to them again.

1. I was lying on an interstate overpass, sideways, so that if cars were coming they would run over my head and legs. However, traffic was stopped still, so I didn't get run over. I was looking backwards, so that all the cars were facing me. Directly in front of me stood a young black man. He was just minding his own business, then suddenly he looked over me and yelled to somebody, "No, YOU get in the WHITE cab!"

I looked behind me to see who he was talking to. A white man was behind me, riding in a stagecoach. He was yelling at the black man, "No, YOU get in the BLACK cab!" and pointing to the vehicle one lane to the side. I looked to see the cab he was talking about and was shocked to see a cart heaped high with burning corpses.

"No, YOU get in the WHITE cab!"

"I AM in the white cab! YOU get in the BLACK cab!"

Finally I got up and glared at the white guy. He immediately calmed down and started fussing with his clothes. The black man also calmed down immediately, looking at the sky.


2. I was watching my friend Jacob play a video game. It was a racing game where people were shooting bombs at you from the sidelines, and that made it really hard. My friend was doing his best but he couldn't complete the course because he kept dying. I asked if I could have a try. He said something scornful, but let me try it. When the race started, I couldn't figure out how to go and kept crashing into walls. Then, we realized that the bomb people don't expect you to do so bad, so they shoot bombs at where you should be rather than where you are. Since I was a little behind, the bombs were already on the course by the time I got to them, so it was much easier to dodge them. I still came in last, but my friend thought that it was a good strategy to wait a bit.

August 24, 2011

I should be going to my classes but I sat on a stone bench all day. A guard walk by but seeing how I no longer going to school (why no lucid?) he don't seem to mind. I watch the retarded kids get on their own private bus (sorry but "special ed" sound more like an insult to me). I saw my brother get out of school and he said bus 79 is down (forgot if broken or what) so we should be on 75. The driver who look like a student stated that we indeed should be on that bus. I woke up.

I had two other fragments but forgot them due to laziness and falling back to sleep.

Sometimes in the morning I just lay there and have fragmented sleep. It occurred to me this morning that it was a perfect time to try to lucid, so I did.

I had a dream where I was with my mom and we were in some extraordinarily beautiful vacation spot. The water was crystal clear, everything was warm but not hot, the sun was shining and everything was just breathtaking. She got on a floaty and I had a ton of trouble getting back on the boat. The dream was very short.

When I woke up, I decided to MILD. I thought of being back there, and then how I'd get back on the boat and go inside the cabin to summon a girl I've been trying to have lucid sex with for weeks.

When I fell asleep, I was in a very large office sort of place, but that doesn't really describe it. I can see it clearly but it defies description, although it wasn't very spectacular. I got the sense that I was still awake even though it was a dream, and I was a middle aged woman with my friend. There was a portal in front of me that led to the dream world. I said to her "Wake me up if I don't remember I'm dreaming" and leaped in.

There were sex booths that people could go into and have sex with anyone they desired that I had created. I sort of stumbled around and then she came in and touched me and I realized I was dreaming.

The lucid was very weak. I knew I was dreaming and had total control of my dream, yet I didn't have control of myself. I made a row of the booths with my mind and realized I was losing it. I tried rubbing my hands and said "I want to see my dream guide to help me LOSE lucidity" even though I wanted him to help me stay lucid. I turned around and a very muscular man with blonde chest hair was there. I fell down and woke up.

When I woke up, I kept completely still and kept my eyes closed. I saw the most brilliant HI, with these wonderful flashes of color and images, and then I felt as if my soul was trying to rip out of my body while it was being compressed. I didn't QUITE complete the DEILD, but I got close, and so I'm pretty proud of myself.

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was in my neighborhood on a cool, sunny day. I saw a blossoming tree, probably a young cherry tree, on the block caddy-corner from me. I saw it as if I were up the street frfom my corner (kind of to the north), while the tree was off from its corner as well (to the east).

Somehow I knew the world was going to end. I started either seeing or sensing check-mark boxes, like check-fields on a computer screen. As certain "symptoms" of doomsday were being listed, the check-mark boxes would turn green, as if to say this had already happened. Everything stated was being checked.

Dream #2

There was a man, possibly wearing a white suit, standing in a dark room. He was lit by a shaft of light which had little, stick-like patterns of black scattered throughout it. On either side of the man another light scheme played. This one was mostly black, with little, stick-like patterns of white scattered through it. The white lines may have been straighter and more ordered than the black lines. They may also have been totally vertical. These lights may also have flickered or strobed on and off, possibly to music, and possibly as the man danced.

Dream #3

I was in some really big hotel "in Brooklyn." The hotel almost seemed to be in ruins, just a shell of an old, magnificent hotel. But there were a lot of people in there, and it seemed like they were guests. But the windows and doors all seemed to be hollowed out, the floor was just concrete, and the walls were just some kind of golden brick.

I heard or felt an earthquake (or just heard that there was an earthquake?). I went outside to see if I could feel it.

I stood out on some huge bridge, which may have been the Brooklyn Bridge. The bridge was made of tan-gold bricks. A deep, blue sky arched over it. The bridge began to heave up and down in sine-wave movements.

I now stood out on what may have been a deck for the big hotel. It was just a big, concrete area looking out over a big river (the East River?) and shaded by the height of the building. There were a bunch of people outside with me. We were all relaxed. It was like we were having a party.

Suddenly there was a feeling of dizziness and swaying. People started saying, "Whoa... whoa..." as if they were trying to get their balance. I looked down. The concrete now looked like the walkway for the Manhattan Bridge. But it was swaying and bulging. I knew this was an earthquake, but I didn't want to believe it was. It seemed like an earthquake would be really inconvenient at this moment.

It was now like I stood on a floor high up in the building. I was with a few other people. The building began swaying. It swayed so much I thought it was going to fall right over. It seemed really flexible, really elastic. It swayed down at one point so I saw some scene of concrete and rusty metal as if from a bird's eye view.

The room I was in then seemed to be "shaken loose" from the building. The room, possibly a whole floor, was drifting down to some area that also looked like ruined tangles of iron and conrete. But I kept thinking there was a chance that the room would manage to float all the way over the the Manhattan Bridge. I really wanted to be on a bridge while the earthquake was happening.

Dream #4

I was in a living room with two women. The feeling of the living room was very strange. It was almost like it was inside a house in the suburbs, but that the house was somehow on stilts or up a very high staircase.

The living room seemed pretty big. It was kind of dim, as if only one pale light was on in the room. The walls may have had some kind of pale sea-green color. The two women sat at a table. The table was covered with plush toys like stuffed animals. The two women sat next to each other on a long side of the table, which was just wide enough for them both. I knelt before the table, kind of low, so that I was barely poking my head above the table top.

I had gotten a gift for the woman on my right. This woman had a very boyish look and short hair. But she was still very pretty. I don't know what the gift was. Maybe it had been another plush toy.

The other girl laughed that I had gotten a gift for the first girl. Without her saying anything, I could tell why the second girl was laughing. Both the girls were lesbians, though they weren't lovers with each other.

The second girl, who was maybe in her late teens or early twenties, prettyish, with pale skin and long, brown hair, didn't think I knew the two girls were lesbians. She loved seeing boys express their love either for her or the first girl, and then somehow making it known that they were both gay, and making the boy feel stupid.

I was kind of annoyed by the second girl's intentions, even though I knew them ahead of time. I hadn't gotten the first girl a gift because I loved her. We had apparently worked together, and she had been a really good co-worker. So I wanted to give her a gift to show her my appreciation.

The first girl stood up and walked away. Some other things may have happened. We may all have been milling around the house for a bit. There were now a few other people in the house.

I had walked to the other end of the living room. I now turned around and walked back. There were two or three folding tables arranged in an "L" shape and cluttered over with stuff like quilts. A black or Latina woman, maybe in her late thirties, sat behind the table making the base of the "L."

I approached the woman to ask her if there was anything I could do for her. The woman was talking as if she were just finishing up talking to a group of students, for whom she was trying to coordinate some activity. But there didn't seem to be any students around.

The woman may then have spent some time explaining to me how serious she was about her work. The woman had a slightly brash, no-nonsense voice. But I could tell she really cared about people, including me -- for some reason!

The woman told me, "Yeah, go up in there and clean up the mess on the floor. But if you don't want to, you don't have to."

So I went "up there," which was a room at the other end of the living room, through a set of swinging doors. A little, black boy followed me into the room. It was a long, kind of narrow room. It may have looked a little like a dining room, with a few long dining tables in it. But it also had a lot of bookshelves along the walls (as well as really nice, big, tall windows shaded by sheer, white curtains). And there seemed to be toys on the floor.

At first I thought the job of cleaning up the floors was going to be easy -- too easy. I'd wanted a job that would make me feel like I'd really "helped the kids" (???), but this job would be over in just a few moments. The little, black boy had skip-run to the end of the rfoom and was now skip-dancing around.

I looked at the floor more closely. There was actually a lot of stuff like dough on the floor. Some of it may actually have been smashed into the maroon-colored carpet. I was relieved. This looked like a decent job. But I was uncertain whether I could actually get such sticky stuff as dough all the way out of this carpet.

The organizer woman then told me (as if I stood in front of her again) that I didn't need to clean the floor if it was going to be too big a job. She actually told me that I simply should not clean up the floor if the job looked like it was going to require a lot of effort, as this would simply be overkill.

I may have half-heartedly told the woman, "But I want to clean the floor." I wanted to do something useful.

Dream #5

I was in a living room. I stood before a couch. My friend EI, who tends bar at places where I do karaoke, sat on the left (my left) side of the couch. A man who I didn't quite see sat on the right side. The couch, as well as the living room, seemed to be cluttered with stuff like blankets and plush toys.

It felt like there was a party going on here, although I couldn't see anybody else in the room. The room also seemed quiet. The light in the room was pale, as if lit by a strong, cold incandescdent (or LED?) bulb.

The man may have been of medium height, pale white, with a slight beard and messy, short, brown hair. He may have been wearing a really baggy, dark sweater and dark pants. He may possibly have given the impression that he didn't want to talk to me.

EI and I started talking. We were soon quite aroused by each other. I told EI that I really shouldn't do anything. My friend H was in the next room, studying. H and I were pretty much together. So if H saw EI and I making out, she'd be really upset.

But even as I was saying this, I was starting to embrace EI. EI was wearing something like a dancer's outfit. It was hot pink, spandex-like material, in two pieces. The top was like a very short cut shirt, almost like a bra with short sleeves. The skirt was also very short, like an ice skater's skirt and bottom.

I embraced EI and began kissing her belly, then kissing up her chest and neck. All this time I was telling her that we really shouldn't do this. EI looked really happy with what I was doing to her.

EI was so tiny (she's pretty tiny IWL, but she was even tinier!). I wrapped my arms around her waist. Her short skirt was turning me on so much. I moved my head down so I could put my face on her crotch.

But for some reason, EI was now straddling me on the couch. Suddenly, H opened a door to the right (my right) of the couch. She poked her head out and called my name, a little matter-of-factly. I tried to say that I was telling EI we shouldn't do this.

I walked into the bedroom from which H had popped out her head. I was now laying on the bed with H. H was reading from some sort of textbook. She wore a pale brown t-shirt. The bed was just a mattress on the floor. The mattress and everything else in the room seemed really cluttered.

I had explained to H that I hadn't meant to get that involved with EI. H seemed to be okay with everything I was saying. I started kissing H softly. But she kind of pushed me off, saying she needed to study.

I walked out of H's room through a door on the wall to the left of the wall with the door through which I had entered.

I was now in a long, dim, narrow room. The room was lit with warm, dim, red and yellow light -- almost like a dim, incandescent light offset by red holiday lights. I sat in some strange, narrow space with two women. The space was like a wooden bench, a barrier made of thin, twisty, black-iron bars, and some long, thin, wooden chest of drawers. But I'm not sure how it was all arranged.

The space seemed to be set at the edge of a living room, to face a ledge down to a little, red-stone-tiled entrance area for the house. Behind us, the living room may have had one dim area with a dining table, behind which was a more normally-lit area, which was larger and possibly more like a living room.

One of the women was very boyish-looking. She was blonde, with shaggy hair. She wore a baggy, green, flannel shirt and blue jeans. She looked a little like the blonde son on the TV show Home Improvement. But her face had a sharper, more delicate look, and her faced, though tan, had an almost Spenserian combination of ivory skin and rosy cheeks. That alone made her strikingly attractive to me.

The other woman was a pretty, young woman, possibly with pale skin and black hair. The first woman and I had found the second woman on the road somewhere. We brought her here to this place.

The second woman started telling us the story of her life, and how she'd ended up on the street. The story was really sad. But the woman was so adorable that, even as she recounted her tribulations, she was really turning me on. She was also arousing the first woman.

The first woman and I walked away from the second woman. We were now in another room, which was a double room. The first part of the room was lit with soft, incandescent light and had a big chest of drawers at its center. The second part of the room had no light of its own. It had a round dining table.

The first woman and I first stood by the big chest of drawers. I thought the woman was going to tell me how she was so attracted to the second woman. I figured I'd have to leave this place while the first woman seduced the second woman.

But the woman instead told me that she'd been really impressed by the concern that I'd shown the second woman. She'd also thought it was cute that I'd been turned on by the second woman.

The first woman and I were now sitting at the table. The woman said, "So I've decided. I'm just going to do it. Right now. Three, two, one."

The woman suddenly kissed me. She kissed me quickly, backed her head away, then kissed me again. She backed away and seemed about to kiss me again. But I stopped her. I said I couldn't do this.

H popped her head out from another door and called for me. I didn't go to H this time. But her entrance into the scene did get me to stop kissing the woman.

Later I was in the first part of the room. There were a few other people there, like for a party. The chest of drawers had been set up as a buffet, with a lot of different dishes of food.

I walked over to the back side of the buffet to get some food. As I did, the first and second woman were walking away. Their backs were turned to me, and they hadn't seen me.

I noticed that both the women had extremely huge rear ends. I knew time had passed since I had last seen them. I figured they must both have gotten really overweight in the time that had passed. I thought I had been pretty lucky not to have gotten involved with them.

But I wondered if they hadn't been so terribly overweight when I'd first met them. I thought maybe they had been deceptively thin on their upper bodies, so that I'd just assumed they were thin overall. I also thought that maybe they'd disguised their being overweight with baggy clothes.

(I try not to think so shallowly in waking life. I also try not to judge anybody based on their appearance.)

I am at my old house on Burford road with joe and josh. Joe has made us chicken & bacon gratin and mixed up some alcohol. We are saving some of the food for someone, though i dont know who it will be. We eat the food and have a few drinks, i ask joe if he would like some more, he says yes, i decide i would like more too, so i go back to the kitched to heat more up.
I also pour some more drinks. There is a knock on the foor & my ex, soph come in with her parents, steve & julia. steve keeps offering me more alcohol and im getting really drunk. Somebody says something about julia and i reply "see? thats why i have always loved this woman!" we all laugh and soph mumbles something about me fancying her.

There is another knock on the door and Chubbs, si and callum turn up, which annoys me for some reason. We go out to some shopping centre and are walking around drinking, during this time soph tells me she wants me back, i get annoyed with her and tell her that i dont love her any more, for some reason i fell the need to apologise to her parents and explain it to them, they tell me they don't care, they know what shes like and i didnt do anything bad, we just ended. I feel better about it.

We decide we should go home, on the way out of the supermarket i see a load of old friends and start to greet them. Hayley tells me she loves me as she comes for a hug, but i notice she isn't looking at me, as i think about this she corrects herself "i mean i love YOU" I assume she is looking at si.

When we get home Darvz and Kate are with us. I cant stop throwing up, but im not heaving, its like watery vomit is just pumping from my mouth, darvz is laughing at me in a shrug, there is literally nothing i can do to stop it. Kind of reminds me of that scene from Team America.

24-08-11 I am Going to a swimming stadium, though I am not taking the planned route. The planned route would be swinging by Stonehenge, about a 5 km drive.

Instead I go through some sort of air vent in a large building. The passageways are really narrow, dirty and dark.

It takes about 5 minutes to get there.

I hang about in the swimming pool for a while, it is dusk time and there are some other kids there. I decide to take off and walk over to the wall.

In order for me to get to the vent I will have to remove some of the panelling, not only that but I will have to stand on the exposed piece of wood that was holding the panel, which is screwed into the wall.

There isn't much space, but I seem to recall having done it before. I finally get the door open to the shaft.

Before I can go through I must put a hand into the shaft and empty it for trash. The trash is some black stuff from farming I think, as Henrik can explain how it is made. Seems like a mixture between coal and dust.

It just falls into the water, but I have a feeling it will be OK and it isn't exactly a new procedure I am doing.

A woman, might be my aunt asks me if it is worth it. I ask her if she has to take the 5 km route past Stonehenge, she confirms and I tell her it will take me 5 minutes to get back.

When most of the trash is out, it seems to take longer than it had before, I am looking out over a horizontal window as an access point, which I remember thinking is a bit weird.
…

Sitting at a coffee table with a beer. It is a beer can, but there is a bottle inside prodding up out of the hole of the can.

I sit and marvel a bit, how the fuck could anyone get that bottle down there without removing the top of the can.

Then a person on my right explains that there they are fairly rare and if you manage to collect 9 of them, you would win 9 k DKK.

“Ah then I shouldn't have given the last 3 to ….”
…

Something about time travel in order to make sure to obtain the right ingredients for a particularly tasty meal.

Physical time travel (done by placing hands on top of each others) means that you get a fraction of your dream powers with you to the physical realm though (WEIRDNESS!)

Dream 1
I was in a city full of zombies, It was dark. I became lucid and decided to fly, I couldn't so I fought along some guy against these zombies. We went on to a elevated train track like the Chicago Loop. I fought against the zombies and the person I was with got biten or something.

Dream 2
I was in my house/school (you'll get it in a minute) we were talking about where we should go to see a film. I was talking to my friend on if the would make a new Batman and Robin.

Then I opened a newspaper to a page where it said "Beyonce, Butt In" with brackets resembling a butt and it only had pictures of her butt. I then turned around and Beyonce was there angry saying "Just because I go to a film being produced, doesn't mean I'm in the film" and "I don't need this I'm 84 and very stressed why does it always come down to my butt?".

84 WHAT A FLIPPING DREAM SIGN. She looked normal though.

As any astute follower of this journal would notice, I haven't quite followed through on my recent resolution to resume dream documentation, however I do like to come back to this journal time to time to document particularly notable dreams (eg the previous post). The following is actually a dream I had a few nights ago and have been toying with the idea of writing down; it was a very haunting, powerful experience that I keep thinking about again and again.

The overarching premise of the dream was that I was dead somehow and in heaven. I want to say that the earliest part of the sequence was me living ordinarily in an area that seemed to be a common room with a bunch of offshoot dwelling rooms adjacent to a hallway that led directly to a hospital where I worked (I'll get into more detail in describing both later on), but I also suspect these may be memories within the dream (I'll clarify this later as well). Anyways, the earliest clear part of this dream took place as I somehow came to be outside the gates of heaven. I was apparently well aware of a conspiracy to keep people out of heaven, and that the primary methodology of this conspiracy was a complex maze system outside heaven's gate with a long line of people that were queued to enter heaven, and it was so constructed so as to keep people trapped, slowly moving nowhere in circles. I was at first able to see a narrative overview of this maze; people in single file line, slowly shuffling forward, many branches and loops ensuring that the people (who seemed completely ignorant of their situation and complacently moved along) were trapped. There were "employees" who seemed to be party to the conspiracy directing the flow of the lines so as to maintain things. As it were, I was just near what I knew to be the actual, true entrance to heaven, which was blocked off and guarded by a line of "employees". As I stood there trying to determine how I was going to get back in, I by chance noticed a bellboy carrying a platter of dirty dishes (I seemed to understand they delivered food to people in line). I watched as he entered an adjacent hallway marked employees only. It was unguarded, so I looked down the hallway; it was tall and wide and reminiscent of the grand hallways at a hotel convention center. The hallway went a long ways back before ending in a group of employee rooms (I assumed one of them must be a kitchen), but I also noticed a hallway branched off to the right some distance down. I looked to my right now towards the entrance to heaven and noticed another hallway opened on the other side of the line of sentries, so I decided I'd try to sneak through that way. I happened to have my messenger bag with me, so I decided I'd pretend to be a writer. I began to walk quickly down the hallway, repeating the phrase, "I'm a writer" constantly in my head as though I thought it would somehow prevent me from being caught. As I turned the corner to the right, I found that the hallway continued for some time before coming to another hallway parallel to the first. I turned another right and headed towards the exit. As I continued down this hallway I came upon a black man in a suit who waved at me in a friendly way and offered to shake my hand. As I shook his hand I only said, "I'm a writer" and then kept walking; as I passed him I could see the look of confusion on his face. I seemed to understand that he wasn't a guard, but that his job was to simply stand there and greet people. I exited the hallway into the hospital area (note this was not the area I'd seen from the other side of heaven's gate previously), which was comprised of square rooms, all hallways, some of which resembled normal hospital hallways and some of which resembled patient rooms with through paths. I knew my way back from here by memory; from the hallway square at the exit of the hallway I turned right into a room square, then left through three more squares and then right to the exit of the hospital area into my living area I'd mentioned previously. As I arrived, I slowly walked further into the room, examining my surroundings. Like the hospital area, the room was familiar to me as though I'd been living there for some time. There was a dining table in the middle of the room along one wall that was cluttered with papers and there was a television suspended on a thick pillar adjacent to the table. It occurred to me later that the layout of the main common room very vaguely resembled the living room at my grandma Isabel's old house in Halstad, and to that theme everything seemed dusty and slightly old as though the furniture, paint on the wall, decorations, and even the television were from the 80's. There were a number of people intently going about there business in the room also. As I examined my surroundings I became increasingly distressed with my disposition. I then lashed out verbally, asking if this was all I had left now in heaven, that I'd spend eternity trapped in this dusty room with some other people from the 1990's (a woman nearby in earshot glanced at me and rolled her eyes as she continued doing something), complaining that there wasn't even much of a proper internet yet. I continued, suddenly realizing that I was due to take the MPJE tomorrow but now couldn't because I was dead, meaning that I'd never been successfully licensed as a pharmacist and thus the last several years of my life spent training to that end was wasted. This angry diatribe was cut short by the realization that I'd left Laura behind and could not be sure when she would arrive or if she'd arrive at all (at least we'd already returned to her hometown, I hoped she'd find happiness again, etc.). In this strong emotional mix of anger and sadness I realized that my situation could not be real, but I could only think of ending the dream quickly instead of allowing it to continue post reality check and instantly managed to wake myself up.

When I fell asleep again I had a short continuation of this dream where I went to a buffet for food (I was aware I was still in heaven). The restaurant had many people but wasn't too crowded. It reminded me of the restaurant at Bill's gambling hall.

As I mentioned at the start of this entry I mentioned how haunting this dream has been the last few days. The reason for that is that afterwards I've been left with the haunting thought that I may have peered into the real heaven (a chilling thought given the "conspiracy", how drab the environment was, and my emotional observations towards the end). I don't genuinely believe this now (the fact that heaven is historically described as more paradise in nature, consideration that this may represent hell rather than heaven, and my ultimate awareness that this was a dream all heavily discount this notion), however I believe it does represent a phenomenon I referred to previously as "dream bleeding", where elements of the dream have remained strong in my consciousness long after the dream has ended.

[COLOR="red"]Lucid[/COLOR]
[COLOR="royalblue"]Semi-Lucid[/COLOR]
[COLOR="blue"]Dream[/COLOR]
[COLOR="silver"]Thoughts[/COLOR]

[COLOR="silver"]I think I know why I give up on some awakenings, it's becauase of my sleeping posture I tend to go to sleep on my WBTB in a really weird position and when I wake up I am more aware of the uncomfortable feeling, and then combined with the body testing me I just have to give up. So for the next night I will sleep in a good sleeping posture.
Even if I gave up I still let the alarms go, to make my dreams more vivid.[/COLOR]

[COLOR="blue"]I was standing in a sportshall and all my friends were doing gymnastics, but when I was going to make a jump they told me "No you are too small for this". I looked surprised at them, but then I saw that the plinth was really high.
Everything was so big. I was stubborn and didn't gave up, so I climbed up and was going to do something gymnastic, but then I fell.[/COLOR]

[COLOR="blue"]I were in a mall and my friends were buying some clothes. I wanted something too so I picked the first thing I saw but it was really ugly. So my friends prevented me from buying it.[/COLOR]

[COLOR="silver"]I woke up and remembered that I should had become lucid, because I fell asleep with a blindfold.
So everytime I can see, it's a dream.[/COLOR]

[COLOR="blue"]The dream started in my kitchen and I couldn't see anything and then someone took the blindfold of me (in the dream) and he did some weird magic trick with a pen on my nose, then the dream changed.[/COLOR]

[COLOR="blue"]I were back in the mall and my friend called on me from a restaurant, he told me that he could buy me a beer, when I drank the beer, everything become unstable.[/COLOR] [COLOR="gray"]and I woke up without an alarm.[/COLOR]

[COLOR="blue"]I was now standing in the sportshall again, but this was more like a gym and no equipment that I needed was free. So I went into a small room for some reason and there was my friend Andriano, then a girl that I don't know in the wakng life, but I appearantly didn't like her in this dream, walked in. We started to talk about some photos on facebook, and then Andriano said "This is like highschool" and I agreed for some srange reason.[/COLOR]

[COLOR="silver"]Then I woke up.[/COLOR]

I just finished taking a shower getting ready to go home. While inside the bathroom I seen a bunch of my sisters clothes. I pack some of them up in my bag. I want to try them on when I get home to see if any of them fit. After I pack I go into the living room with my sister, mom, jr and simon. I then decide its better to try them on here so I'm not taking things that don't fit or flatter. I pulled shoes out. There was a couple pair but only one that I recall. They were pretty cinderella shoes that lit up. I then tried on the outfits but I didn't keep or recall what any of them looked like. Then I pulled out little "trinkets" Some where plastic and some were stones. The only one I remember visually was a heart made out of stone. I wake up.

Me and jr were in our room picking out a movie to snuggle too. His mom knocks on the door. We tell her to come in. She says " I can't figure out how to press play on the movie." I tell jr " let her figure it out on her own!" Jr leaves to go help anyway. I wait for him a while. He did what I thought and got distracted. There was a window in our room where I could see him, simon, jr's mom and my sister? He was holding simon...asleep. This aggravated me for a number of reasons. I walked in there and knocked the hand his head was leaning on out from under his head. He woke up. I yelled "what the fuck are you doing!?" His mom said something. I don't recall. I snapped at her "this happened because your retarded! How can you NOT know how to press play on the movie!? Its a universal sign!?" Then I start yelling at jr again... "Then YOU come in here, AFTER I tell you not too, forget about me and fall asleep!? I'm leaving!". I smacked the wall and woke myself up.

August 23, 2011

Remote control was in my hand and in real life belong to me. My father in the dream owned it though. I told him that I got it somehow and ssomehow knew he was at the left side of the house. The house itself is my grandmother from my mother side.

I ran to the right side and into the backyard knowing my dad will go through the front door. I had a feeling my plan failed and indeed it did with him standing on the back porch.

I ran and he was able to catch up, I became somewhat lucid, enough so to tell myself to wake up from this dream.

Not really a nightmare but going to label as one...I hate people chasing me.

Side note...I should write these asap...11:33 PM, it almost tomorrow.

I'm not sure if its just a fragment or a dream.

Dream

I was in the suburbs somewhere and saw Batman of the Future. He had time travelled to the past. I saw him and started asking him questions he just answered them nonchalantly as he used some futuristic device. I asked him one burning question and I forgot what it was but maybe it "How far did you get with Dana?" it was something about far. He answered "Very far".