non-lucid

On a street with a group. People dressed as police start shooting at us. We fight back, I get a shotgun from one of the terrorists and aim at another one. A guy is targeted by a laser sight, I follow it to find the shooter, but it's a sniper high in the air, obscured by clouds, on something that looks like a helicopter.

We win the fight, I look back if we collected all their weapons and we get away. Now we are in a building and I remotely see a part of it that's all white. It has all kinds of emergency items stacked against a wall. Plastic sheets, things that you use to protect yourself from radiation or chemical agents.

As my view is leaving that area, white door is closing and I'm thinking that that's where we would be confined if we get attacked, and that it looks pretty safe, but isolated. A sign above door says FOG, and I know that's an acronym for that safety place. And I say in english, that it sure is not Free Online Games.

We are sitting, laying all huddled and talking. I look at my phone and there are 4 messages. One is from Ophelia and I'm surprised but happy.

A Weeping Angel suddenly appeared in my younger sister R's room, so we ran out and shut the door. It didn’t mind the door being there. In fact, it disregarded the door completely. Then, R put an ice cube in a laundry basket. As the angel got closer, we stepped back as the 11th Doctor’s voiceover said, “You’ll know if it kills you.” Apparently, R got out, since she was no longer there. Anyway, the weeping angel had me backed up to the kitchen. Opening the deck door, I led Blizzard out, and tried to lead Snickers out, but he kinda didn’t care. (They're both cats)

What I did next to ultimately run away was get on to the second-floor deck and jump off the rails. Now, with me on the ground and backing up to the north there were suddenly two people being followed by the weeping angel, one of which of which being R. There was also a minivan on the deck. Moments later, I found out that the weeping angel was actually a trolling guy. How I found him out was his own doing, since he had failed to remain quantum locked—he slowly walked towards the two people when I said,

“Hey, I can still see you!”

With that, he turned and looked at me with an annoyed look on his face. A few moments later, the two got away, and I was now way down the street. Several people spawned, just standing around and watching the trolling guy cross the street, walk into a neighbor's house, and drive his amphibious super car into the nearby lake. I was like,

“That guy has a HOVERCAR!?”

Next, the guy that was standing next to me also ran into the same neighbor's house. He deployed his blue amphibious supercar(the troll’s was black) and crushed the troll’s secondary vehicle.

This was the end of a dream, a lot of people were being questioned. Lots of people in rooms with big windows in them. I was part of it somehow, but I wasn't doing the questioning. Some kind of interrogations, but not torture or anything nasty, just trying to find something out.

As I was going back to sleep I was having a lot of really shallow daydreams or something like them. There was kind of a narrative that was supposed to be going on in them, and I could go with the flow or kind of stop and not do what I was supposed to be doing. Most of them were in an office setting, similar to the dream I had finished above.

Walking out of a building following a kid, his mom and someone else. We were in a parking lot and there was bark dust around. His mom was asking if he needed someone to go with him and he said that that he did. We cut across through some little shrubs into another parking lot. I forgot the main point of the dream.

I was applying for a job at a restaurant and was coming in on my first day. My to-be boss was telling me about the job I would have to do. It had something to do with waiting tables but wasn't very hard he told me. I said something about not liking the fact that I had to drive so far to get to work. He then gave me a uniform and told me to go change in the closet.

I went to go change in a utility closet and heard someone shouting on the other side of the wall. I moved a lose brick and saw my friends brother tied to a chair in a closed off room getting tortured and cut with knives by two people that looked exactly like the boss. They were cutting off pieces of his belly and his fingers and putting them into a bucket to later be put into the food served at the restaurant

I saw the boss behind me with a syringe full of what I presumed to be a tranquilizer. I should have been really scared but I must have been semi lucid, to the point where I recognized that there was no real threat, but didn't recognize that I was dreaming. I ran under his legs and got out of the restaurant. I later heard from someone that the manager was interested in me because I was one of the only people who got away.

...

The dream flashed back to when I was a kid who was (I think 11) and I had been to the same restaurant with my parents. I found a strange object in my food that was rubbery and looked like a chunk of human skin with some meat underneath it. I thought it was something weird and threw it away.

-+-

The dream was extremely cinematic. Some kind of opera/choir woman was singing in the background and the dream scenes looked to be shot like movie frames. There were two little girls and a boy with long white hair who looked like a young version of dreamcafe's guide Dawn playing in a meadow surrounded by flowers and trees while a group of four of five older adults sat on a picnic blanket. The sun went dark as though it were being eclipsed and everyone stopped playing.

It then showed a guy with a chin-strap beard and a lot of tattoos making out with a girl on the beach somewhere and the sun went dark from their point of view. The sun was still in the sky but was just a small point of light, like a bright star and the rest was surrounded by something. My vision moved up and I saw the alien spacecraft and the singing lady got louder. It looked like a huge wheel with a hole in the middle. The entire spacecraft was made up of thin black supports that sometimes were connected and other times floated independently of the main structure. From far away the supports looked homogenous and straight, but close examination showed they were made of gnarled and twisted roots that looked like blood vessels.

A black goo blob materialized in the center of the spaceship. It took on a blocky humanoid form then returned to being a goo blob, then went back and became a human skeleton. It then became a number of organs and muscles which fitted themselves to the skeleton. I think it had two brains though, one in the head and a smaller one where the heart should have been. Skin appeared over it and the whole thing turned from black into a normal human being. I became that person and the dream ended.

Morning of August 9, 2017. Wednesday.



I become aware that I am babysitting an unfamiliar boy of about four years of age in the northeast area of the Cubitis living room. I perceive myself as being about twenty-five years old. It feels like it might be late morning. I have no associations with whomever the boy’s parents might be.

The dreamer does not realize that he has not lived in Cubitis since 1978, leaving when he was seventeen. He also does not recall that he lived in Wisconsin when he was twenty-five, not Florida. The memory of his three sons (and two daughters) does not seem extant, though the presence of the unfamiliar boy, who does not resemble any of his sons, may be a subliminal clue, though he otherwise has no memory of who he presently really is.

There is a huge Raggedy Ann doll sitting against the north wall near the northeast corner of the living room. I have a notion that the giant stuffed doll is somehow a mother figure for the boy. It almost reaches the ceiling. The head is unrealistically large in proportion to the rest of the doll. Time passes, and the head seems flatter (front to back) than it should be. The doll begins to sag and lean forward and the boy and I are annoyed that this oversized pie-like head may cover us. I have to push it back a few times, but when I do, the whole doll, especially the head, seems slightly thinner.

The dreamer still does not have viable memory. He does not question why a giant doll would be perceived as a “real” mother by the boy or comfort him as such. He does not even consider simply moving out of the way of the doll when it leans forward at times. He does not consider why the doll’s head gets vertically flatter when there is no discernible reason for the change. Perhaps he is subliminally aware of the weight of the blanket on his real physical body as he sleeps, and perhaps through the veil of sleep, he indirectly recalls that his youngest daughter has stuffed toys near her as she sleeps. Could this hodgepodge of current neural energy while sleeping be why such a scene is rendered? He also did have concern that his youngest son had enough blankets prior to sleeping. As a doll symbolizes the physical inactivity of someone while in the dream state, it likely is a very distorted thread of memory of his beautiful wife Zsuzsanna, combined with thoughts of his pillow that sometimes seems too flat.

Eventually, I notice that much of the oversized ragdoll is now more like a collection of blankets that fall forward at times, a couple that cover me, though I think the doll is still sitting there. It seems ambiguous, and the round face itself seems more and more like a large flat pillow I push back several times. It does not seem cold. I do not think that the boy will be harmed, only perhaps annoyed by being covered like this. After a few minutes, I am aware that Dennis (half-brother on my mother’s side) is coming into the house. He seems about thirty years old and is dressed like a biker. He wants to show me something. It seems the boy will be okay on his own, though I somehow perceive that Dennis has no interest in the boy’s well-being. I go with him for a short distance after leaving the house. I then decide to fly. Coming out from the house, it is now the King Street boarding house. I effortlessness fly north over Tenth Street South, leaving Dennis behind for now.

The dreamer’s brother had not been to Florida since 1970. Like every other dream feature, it is erroneous, completely removed from any correct timeline. Even more curiously, he walked out from the north end of the open carport in Florida yet simultaneously from the closed porch of the King Street boarding house, not regarded in real life much since 1990 and over 1,500 miles away from the original setting. There is no measure of distance in thought, but that is moot, as the two buildings were somehow perceived as being the same. The dreamer often flies in his dreams as if it was a perfectly natural thing to do. To take to the air to get somewhere else is what he has done often for many years in both lucid and non-lucid dreams, without considering physics or gravity. There is no doubt, but the dream self is not the conscious self, and the rules that dictate that flying cannot be as such do not apply, even if there was some subliminal memory that it was not possible.

I end up in some sort of forest on the other side of La Crosse, which I perceive may be several blocks west of Loomis Street. After walking around and entering a denser area of forest by way of a footpath, I notice that Dennis is already here. He talks to a seemingly homeless person in dark apparel. The unfamiliar scruffy male is sitting at the side of the path, facing outwards from the dense trees. Dennis seems annoyed and may be impatient about something. It has something to do with the other male not owning a motorcycle as he is expected to. There is no fighting, just a conversation. It seems the other male may have sold or lost his motorcycle and is now living in the woods. I walk around and see another clear footpath that leads straight through the densest part of the forest. It seems to be afternoon and the imagery is very clear and beautiful. The path leads east and seems to continue for quite a distance. I can see an open area at the very end that indicates an urban area. Still, after walking around, I decide to fly again.

The dreamer does not question this fictional area of land. The area in real life would be within the same area as the Northside Elementary School (though the area looks much different now than when he last lived there in February 1994). He does not ask himself how Dennis apparently walked there and got there before him.

As I am flying, my focus changes somewhat. I see below me, something that is almost like a life-sized map, showing how the area originally appeared. It was mostly a marshy expanse with no trees for a long time. This changes, as Dennis had planted a number of saplings over time, until it was a dense forest. Curiously, I am aware that no one else, including members of the city council, ever noticed this change other than Dennis and a few biker friends of his. I watch the changes in the map as I turn and fly south.

Looking down on a slowly animated life-sized map superimposed over the bird’s-eye view of the land below does not seem unusual to the dreamer. It is like a visual historical view displaying the changes over time, not following the rules of real-life perception. He does not fly back down to investigate or consider that if he did, he might be in the original treeless marsh as it supposedly was years previously.

I am now aware that it is nighttime even though it had been afternoon moments before. I do not find the change unusual. I am aware of a missile lighting up a small area of the sky to the north, over what I perceive may be a small island, but I still consider it as a threat even though it seems far away. My wife Zsuzsanna now joins me as we run southward. The buildings around us start to shake. They seem to wobble and waver unrealistically, somewhat like exaggerated jelly motions. I think we can escape. We run over the tops of buildings, over the roofs of commercial buildings of various heights, no attention to how tall they are. It seems effortless but annoying. I get the idea to take cover in a boiler room of a commercial building. I sense the ceiling may collapse, but it does not, though there is still shaking. We end up near a breaker panel. I have a fading idea about possibly resetting the main breaker, as if that might somehow make the building more suitable to hide in.

The dreamer’s memory seems more viable now as he recalls Zsuzsanna. There is even a thread of recent memory about North Korea’s missile launches, but little else. His focus on the breaker panel reveals a subliminal awareness of the neural energy within his mind, yet not fully realizing why this thought emerges in the last seconds of his dream or whether it symbolizes “deactivating” his dream, increasing his neural energy and expansion into whole consciousness, or both.

---

Yesterdays “opening of the lion's gate” in astrological terms had me set some intentions throughout the day. These were primarily poised in the directions of letting go of limiting fears and beliefs, while also opening up to the power deep within me, centred around my heart and solar plexus area. I accepted to work with energy, light energy, accepted whatever life needed of me I would oblige, despite fearing what this might be.

In practical terms it involves committing deeper to the energetic and spiritual work in contributing to the world and its beings. This is fear provoking for me since it involves disclosing publicly to the world that I have strong spiritual and shamanic experiences.

Ha! In a way this forum is golden as it is a sort of cheating platform to disclose secrets and try it all out.

As of late – maybe the past 1-2 weeks I have experienced a tremendous kind of release. A release in limiting beliefs, physical fear sensations as well as attachments to concepts – particularly in the area of relationships and romanticism. I feel stronger, a resurgence in my confidence levels and a readiness to start giving more of myself to the world. It feels good saying “more” as I have also started recognising more and more that some of the voluntary conversations and modes of operating in the world for me are valuable contributions.

Well that is enough context, on with the dreams:

Dream (and waking visualisations) 1: “Sexual exploration”

I find myself in a large living room. I am sleeping on the sofa, it is my father's brother and wife's house. It is in the middle of the night and I look up on the wall towards the massive television on the wall. I know that if I turn it on there will be porn on pretty much all the channels.

I decide to turn it on, though before the image appears after having turned on the telly I turn down the volume all the way to minimum. I am a little surprised to find that there is still sound coming through, yet the sound isn't horrible so I allow the porn scene to keep running.

It is an orgy of sorts. In particular I find my attention dwelling on a guy wearing a leather hood, while he is fucking a woman lying below him as he is standing up.

I get aroused and go to the toilet to make preparations. While there I decide to try and observe how my arousal and dick respond to simply watching the porn without stimulating myself.

I wake up

As I am awake I find myself aroused and hard. I don't masturbate, but massage my perineum and find it interesting and somewhat easier than normal to circulate the sexual energy around my body. In particular I notice that I am extremely connected down the front, where I am in touch with my body.

I then start focusing on Cille. I think of her “hole in the back” and I see how there are shadowy finger marks around the hole. So I visualise and start clearing the hole with fire, ask Raphael for help to seal the hole, which I do with the opposing triangles that compose the visual representation of the heart chakra.

I further start healing Felix, if he wants to accept it of course, and ask for assistance in burning out the things he doesn't wish to see or that are preventing him from being happy and present in this life.

Dream 2: “The magical island, climbing surface and an elven bridge”

I am standing in a cave, which opens out over a big lagoon where in the middle is a small island. This island is composed mainly of steep cliff sides and a forest in the middle. Just before the main island there is a long, narrow rocky cliff side coming out of the water. The weather is bright and sunny, there seems to be a clear blue sky above the water.

An arrow appears above us, and a small humanoid figure jumps up and catches it and slaps it in the cliff side above us, there are transparent fishing lines attached to the arrow. Following an elven figure swings across the gap between the cave and the water, maybe a mile or two. The elven figure is wearing green and orange and is like a ferryman, there to swings us one by one across the water.

There is some talk about the attractiveness of the climbing cliff side – 700 metres facing the water of the island.

There is some discussion that the journey has taken too long, about 4 hours and that it could be due to the elven “swinging ferry man” can only take on one passenger at a time.

Dream ends.

Dream 3: “Lost at sea, coming home”

I am at sea in a dingy boat, lost and at the mercy of the sea. I am there with Mikkel L and we have been there for some time. It is mid day and we are drifting along the waves.

We sail past a boat, which we initially hope can rescue us, but find that it is full of refugees and for some reason it doesn't even become relevant to be rescued here.

I sarcastically remark that it would be a good opportunity to practice broadsiding this ship, opening up with all four canons on one side of our ship.

Out in the horizon, far away, I see a sail ship – looking from the silhouette like an ancient Viking ship – and a small blotch of a ship. I hope that this is ships that can assist us.

From a far distance the ship that started out as a small blotch shoots its cannons. One on one side of our boat and another on the other. I feel them as being warning shots, but I also feel afraid.

As we approach the ship I realise it is the largest one I have ever seen. It is black and probably around 30-50 metres tall from the water. I wave my arms in surrender and declare an interest in wanting to be saved, all the while I think about how nice it would be if I had access to white clothing.

Luckily the ship understands our gestures and predicaments and they start throwing down ladders we can grab onto. I find however that the ship is practically racing across the surface of the water in the opposite direction to our boat, but I nevertheless jump into the water and swim for the boat.

I can't latch on to any of the ladders, but a door just above the waterline is opened, and a wooden entry plank is pushed out and I prostrate as I enter the ship in deep gratitude.

I am met by the captain – Tim Smith – who asks me if it was Mikkel on the boat with me. I acknowledge the affirmative and Mr Smith continues to ask: “Is it true that he has a blog running about his journeys across the sea?”, to which I reply “yes” and then Tim asks “Has he written a book about it?”, “No” I reply.

Then I see pages lifted up before me in a completely different scenario, sort of a beach bar with trees and sunshine in the background. On the pages a story is being written in bright red, it seems to be a draft from the blog to the book.

Dream ends.

There are a few interesting themes at play here.

The first dream is highly sexual in nature, and incorporates both the animalistic nature – as displayed in the orgy – but also the renunciation of traditional friction based sex, as I attain pleasure through massaging my perineum and working with circulating energy. It is interesting that the man is hooded, representing a hidden aspect of myself that I have been trying to neglect – a yearning for the sexual exploration of the animalistic that I have particularly not mentioned to Cille, where I have emphasised the tantric, energetic unity aspect of sex.

This aspect of a hidden yearning to explore is also symbolised in wanting to keep the volume down, so I am not noticed as I go on with my explorations. I have an instinctive feeling that this pertains to wanting this phase of my life to remain hidden from Cille.

From an astrological point of view, this aspect of the dream seems to be an encouragement. There is an opportunity now to explore my sexual nature – again not being with Cille here being significant – in particular the more playful and kinky aspect of it. This is further symbolised by my approach towards it “wanting to observe what it does to me” rather than starting to masturbate straight away. It would seem like there is a gentle reminder to continue working towards embracing my sexuality and that it is coming up as a point of focus (which is also symbolised in the Elven figure, who acts like a bridge, dressed in Orange and Green – bridging the sexual/sensual chakra with the heart chakra.

The second dream I see a lot of myself in the elven figure. A bridge between this and that world – symbolising my shamanic aspirations. The number 4 appear, which to me could be a pointer towards the four elements – accepting the spiritual – but also 4 quadrants of the mandala, and thus the complete and fully realised self. The fact that the number 4 appears as an irritation, that the journey is taking too long, point towards a disturbing element in my current workings. This I intuitively feel is related to how I worry about financial stability – which isn't to say that it doesn't matter, but that I am spending too much energy thinking about this instead of following my heart. There is a slightly greedy element to how the elven figure charges for the ferrying, which is an affirmative of this. I believe it points towards the fact that I want to open up more towards group oriented practices in my vocational life, as opposed to individual style therapeutics.

I do find myself comfortable in the role as a bridge between worlds, serving as a guide between the somewhat disturbing emotions that can arise on the spiritual path (Orange) and in accepting and coming to grips with newer senses of identity in a loving manner (Green).

Dream 3: This pertains to my acceptance of a more spiritual and energetic mode of operating and giving to the world. I have long been caught in the emotional flux caused by wanting to adhere to both a strict scientific and fluid spiritual identity – I have been lost at sea (emotionality) and seeing refugees (fleeing my call) can no longer serve me. Again I see the number 4 – as in broadsiding the refugees with 4 canons, which again points to the 4 quadrants of the mandala – here symbolising that I am no longer in the process of fleeing or escaping my true nature or my purpose with being here on the planet.

There is an interesting theme in converting the blog/notes to a book, with the text being red as this could symbolise that financial security could come about through writing about the journey. The fact that it isn't me the journey is about could point towards the opportunities lying in writing about others, where both Cille and Nils are on the table.

This session turned somewhat long, and I would like to cut it off by at least and hour. However it is the first time in a while that I write down my dreams and adding an interpretation didn't actually take as long as I recall.

For the future group processes setting the context isn't going to be as extensive, as that will be done in process groups and dealt with through ongoing communication. Honestly 45-60 minutes of the time spent on this entry probably goes for procrastination on Facebook.

I woke up 4 or 5 hours in probably, right after a dream I think. Immediately I was seeing HI, and tried to relax and let that go by, but I my normal attempt to relax was too relaxing and I just fell asleep. Was encouraging though to find myself at that point. I don't remember the dreams I had, but they left a good impression.

2017, 08-08

Game of Dreams – Of Weddings and Bullies

Daenerys: I am at a wedding, a big outdoor wedding. I realize I am getting married, but that can’t be right… I don’t see Altaïr anywhere. I want to marry Altaïr. The man beside me is a large and strong looking man with black hair down his back in a braid as long as Sephiroth’s hair with small bells hung in it. He is speaking a language I don’t understand, not paying attention to me. And I’m supposed to marry this guy? My brother is sitting below me on a hill and glaring up at my periodically. There is food and drink constantly brought to me and I eat nervously. Some men fight over a woman and one of them dies, everyone accepts this as normal. Then there are lots of gifts. Some slaves (I don’t want slaves!), some cool looking books, three egg shaped stones they say are dragon eggs, and the man I married gives me a beautiful silver horse. He lifts me easily onto the horse and I ride her around a bit. I immediately love that horse. Now it is time to go? My asshole brother grabs my leg too roughly and says I had better please my new husband or I will wake the dragon like never before… I see no dragon! I kick my leg to shake my brother off and tell him he had better stop being an asshole or I’ll shove his face up a dragon’s ass! He looks surprised and asks what has gotten in to me.

I ride my horse after my new husband. We find a spot and I know he wants to have sex… but I don’t even know this guy! I don’t want to have sex with him! I expect he will just start violently having his way with me, but instead he starts caressing me, being gentler than I’d expected from the way he acted at the wedding. But I still don’t want to have sex with him! I’m crying and he pauses to brush the tears from my face and say the word no. No as in don’t cry? No as in don’t be scared? I’m not sure… And I don’t have to do any more because the dream ends.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sansa: I am riding a horse outside under bright blue skies. The skies look bluer than I ever remember seeing them. I am not alone, there is a boy, Prince Joffrey, riding beside me. My first impression is that he is an asshole… but I think better of calling him that. My next thought is he is a prince I am supposed to marry… but I don’t even know him, though I guess I should give him a chance. We ride through a forest, exploring here and there. Joffrey seems like a decent guy, I’m not sure why my first impression was that he’s an asshole. We keep going and soon find a couple of children playing with sticks as if they were swords. This is where Joffrey shows his true colors.

Joffrey gets off his horse and shows me why I thought he was an asshole. Joffrey starts making fun of the boy for beating on a girl. The girl is my sister, Arya. The boy drops his stick and kneels before the prince, but that does no good. Joffrey pokes at him with his sword and tells the boy to pick up his stick and fight like a knight. I tell Joffrey we should just leave these two alone. Joffrey says this boy was beating my sister, we can’t just leave. He pokes the boy’s cheek and draws blood, saying he won’t hurt the boy… much. That’s when chaos breaks loose.

Arya attacks Joffrey with her stick to keep him from hurting the boy. Joffrey turns on her and attacks viciously, breaking her stick with his real sword. The boy runs into the trees with no thought for Arya’s safety. A wolf comes flying from the trees and clamps down on Joffrey’s arm, making him drop his sword. Joffrey cries out and says to call the wolf off, which Arya does. She looks at his mangled arm and says the wolf didn’t hurt Joffrey… much. Arya picks up Joffrey’s dropped sword and throws it unceremoniously into the river nearby before chasing after the boy with her wolf going after her. I go to check on Joffrey’s arm and he gets pissed at me. I tell him it’s his own fault for being a bully. He says he’s going to tell his mother, I resist an urge to slap him. I tell him not to be such a baby, I can fix his arm. I grab his arm and focus healing energy through it. The bite heals completely, much to Joffrey’s amazement. But he doesn’t thank me, he scoots away from me and says I’m a sorceress and then runs off into the trees. What a loser… Everything fades.

-1-This entire dream, I was a wolf. It started in a store with a gray floor, light gray walls, isles on one side, and floored objects on the other. I was sneaking around the floored objects to avoid being seen by anybody. However, I was seen by a guy that was lying down on the floor, trying to look for something, I guess. I then grunted, and quickly made my way outside. Once outside, I began to run at high speed through trees and grass. For some reason, everybody from the store was chasing me, and one of them was armed with a machine pistol, which he fired a couple times.

After roughly 20-30 seconds of running, I came to the edge of a ‘cliff’. It was more like a steep hill, so I thought that I would return to it as an escape route if all other options proved to be undesirable. To the right of me was a forest slightly downhill. I started to run alongside the pseudo-cliff until I got to a ledge overhang that was too high to safely jump off of. Just then, the people caught up with me, so I was trapped. Fortunately, they didn’t want to kill me, but I still wanted to get away from them. As a result, I jumped off the ledge to my death. I clicked respawn, and woke up.

-2-This dream started with a hole in the wall closed off with a rectangular piece of fabric and a zipper. Opening the zipper, I crawled through the opening to find a room with a step ladder and unfinished walls. Above the same ladder were some paths(3 of them). I can’t remember which one I took, but eventually I found a similar room with a step ladder. After observing this room, I headed back to hallway from which I originally entered.

Suddenly, the 12th Doctor showed up and told me to reopen the crawlspace, because apparently something was following him. This time, I closed the zipper behind me, and we ventured on. First, we came to a small room that had clean, vertical cobwebs, all exactly the same length spread across the ceiling in a perfect grid.

Next, we found ourselves in a church with no chairs, and Link fighting with something against something. The Doctor said that we needed to fight with swords. Eventually, the small creatures we were fighting ran away into a room in the northeast corner of the main room, which turned out to be some sort of medical room. The two creatures jumped up onto the beds. Neither of the nurses/doctors suspected that anything was wrong.

Sabbath, paperwork, level and boar shovel

---

It was a dark afternoon and the evening was close. I escaped from my house, a big, victorian mansion in suburbs of some big city and took a bus to it's centre, thinking about why I escaped from there. I realised that I did it because my sisters literally were witches about to have a sabbath. I had enough of their magic for some reason. Taking a walk around dark streets, I entered some shop and searched for stuff that I could defend myself with. More people entered the shop, they were my friends and tried to help me to stop witches from destroying our house or doing something even more horrible. We convinced checkout assistant to fortify the shop and set up a safe spot there, but I knew that I'll have to go back house sooner or later.

Suddenly I found myself in some office. I had to fill in some forms taken from lobby downstairs and follow a spiral staircase upwards. I had to dodge opening doors once, as some woman was leaving her office and accessing the staircase. I finally reached the office I was meant to leave my papers in, only for clerk to tell me that I need to fill in some more forms. I had to go back down and up three more times to get all the paperwork done, then left the office. I was summoned by my witch-sisters back to our house - they were flying on their brooms, tearing through walls and shooting beams of energy from their walls that blasted holes in it. It was a ceremony of destruction during their sabbath.

My perspective changed for a while and I saw myself working on a level for a video game. I said "Now, that's a great idea!" and imagined myself how the level looked and played out. The player would start in an airlock from which it'd be able to access an interior of space station.

Then I was in some ancient ruins deep underneath the destroyed mansion. I was a knight in full plate armor and I had some companions with me. We ran towards some altar on platforms hanging above lava and met my sisters. They wanted to kill us, so we defended ourselves and fought, eventually throwing all of them down to fiery death, awakening some kind of evil serpent-god. We battled with the monstrosity, killing it with arrows and swords. When falling down dead, it ripped a hole in cavern wall where I immediately jumped. My companions started shouting "Boar shovel!" and I raised something that kinda looked like a strange mix of battering ram and shovel. I started digging for unknown reason and mistakenly dropped one of my gauntlets to lava, yelling "My knightly gauntlet!".

Then my perspective changed once again. I saw an arctic ocean with an iceberg. From underneath the deep, gray-blue water the evil serpent-god emerged and said "In the end, I always win!", my witch-sisters flying high above the serpent, leaving colourful trails on the sky.

---

---

Outbreak, recalling dreams within dream, survival, facing new world, avatar powers and "semi-lucid"

I left a bus and looked at, seeing my reflection in one of windows. I was a tall, muscular, bald man in black t-shirt and in jeans trousers. There were a lot of people in there, it was some kind of a FEMA encampment or factory turned into an evacuation shelter. Suddenly people all around became aggressive and started attacking each other, then anything that was even moving. I was defenseless, so I started showing zombies finger-guns and pretended to shoot them, which actually spawned real colt gun in my hands. I shot my way from courtyard and was about to get to safety of encampment. I saw some horrified dog running towards the entrance that was automatically closing during emergencies like this. I heard some voice saying "And then the death race to doors began! Who is going to make it? Him, or maybe the dog?" I started running after the dog, almost catching up to it, but the canine jumped forward in last moment - the gate closed, leaving me outside. The voice spoke again, saying "So the dog made it."

I decided to look around. Looking at that place I thought that it could be a cool location for a game, and recalled myself a previous dream that I had. In that dream I was a stalker and there were several heavily fortified military fortresses behind my barn.

Then I came back to the reality I was in - there was no way to enter the encampment, but I could see entrance to sewers nearby. I cautiously approached dark tunnels and sneaked through sewers to some supermarket in city centre, shooting undead on the way. I lost all my ammo, so I had to find some melee weapon. There was a long, thin pipe that I could use as a staff or bludgeoning weapon, so I picked it up and moved upstairs, meeting with other survivors. My younger sister was one of them. We moved to some abandoned shop overrun by zombies and cleared it. After clearing it, some cop came from nowhere and cuffed me. As he was taking me somewhere, my sister freed me and he started escaping. I chased him and smashed his skull with my pipe, then strapped it back. With other survivors we decided to leave all the stuff for later and moved to another store. It was a fortress made by other survivors. We surveyed the area when suddenly another cop cuffed me. Sister freed me again and I chased the cop, but he opened the way for zombies, so they could get inside the safe spot. We gunned down all the undead, but owners of the fortress died. With my group I moved to that store we cleared previously and started packing my backpack with foodstuffs. No one else was doing that however. I cautiously checked contents of every glass jar, taking many of those ready meals, and then we moved on.

A map looking like it was made for a NES game appeared. I saw my group on it, inside ruined city. There was a small riverside town and a big metropoly. I saw roads with trucks and other vechicles of 20th century (as in, communism era). A voice said that this small town was forgotten, living in a shadow of a great metropoly ruled by evil dictatorship. Then I saw huge ant-like robots powered by steam marching through cities and that Poland was within one of destroyed nations. The last thing that the voice said is that one must defeat guardian of bridge to enter that little town. With my group of survivors we moved there and everyone except me went through bridge undisturbed. I was stopped by the guardian - a huge bear walking on two legs. I've seen it as if it was a sidescrolling NES game. I shot the bear with machinegun, curiously it shot arrows not bullets. When the animal retreated, I got to the city.

Everything started to look like an animated movie, everything seemed to be drawn with pencil and coloured with crayons. Me and the group of survivors I travelled with had our new lives here. I was living with some family as they let me stay in their house. One day when we were having a breakfast, a group of lizards armed with spears busted into our house and were about to attack me. Instead of escaping, I called the powers of four elements and started blasting those lizards with them. I felt all the forces working on my body and gaining those powers felt as if this part of the dream wasn't meant to be and that I forced it. Everyone in the house asked in disbelief "Does he have avatar powers?" I blasted almost all of those lizards away, but two of them kidnapped father of the family. I burst out through wall and saw them far away, almost reaching mountain top in the distance. I tried to fly up there, getting high up to the sky, but I fell down on the road and made a small crater in it. Several more attempts of flying, I could feel something stronger than gravity pulling me down, but there were no more craters on landing. I got to the mountains, but there were no traces of anyone. Suddenly I received a vision of myself. I was in despair, as I couldn't link great fires after the bell toll and let dictatorship grow strong. Suddenly the kidnapped man appeared and said "That's what I was trying to make you recall."

---

---

Damn, writing down those convoluted dreams took much more than I thought it would. Empty spaces are for easier reading, those dreams actually had no breaks between each of "scenes".

I was on a closed neighborhood which seemed to be calm, maybe in a town. It was night and i was walking around outside, between the houses. There seemed to be no streets there, so the backyards of the houses were all connected: they had a small personal backyard and beyond that it was forest or just common property. I entered a house and inside i see a school teacher. (I've finished highschool 5 years ago but i still have dreams related to that. However the later dreams i have had i had more freedom of choice, so i kinda did what i pleased even though i thought i was still a student in the school.) I decided that i didnt want to deal with him, so i went through the door i came to the backyard. I looked to my right and there were more teachers gathered, like having a party. I didnt want to go there or get involved (It seemed like a school party), so i looked to my left and i saw a woman with long black wet hair covering her face, just standing there close to the forest but still on the houses common backyard. I made a little pause to make a decision. It was just a quick thought of "is this what i want?" and in less than a second i realized and thought "i definitely don't want to go to the party, (unconscious: but that woman is scary) so ill just walk over here not bothering the woman either and ill be fine." So i started to walk towards east, just to get away from there (from the teacher i met inside) and as soon as i was in a straight line towards her this woman rushed towards me, grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed me trying to push me to the wall. I had her face right in from of mine, like 5-10 centimeters away and she looked ugly, she actually didnt look alive although she was fully fleshed. I just forcefully tried to keep her away from me but the dream didnt last for too long. I woke up scared but i went back to sleep calm knowing it was just a nightmare.
Tbh i dont know how i could have dealt with her if i continued dreaming... i would have wanted to beat her but also i would have to defend myself if she continued attacking me. Maybe if i was lucid and without fear at all i would have tried to tie her up and see if she was still aggresive then i would leave her, if not then i could have taken her to where she belongs if she was lost, or i would have helped her.

2017, 08-07

Game of Dreams - A Fall and A Healing Touch

Bran: I am playing a virtual reality game of Assassin’s Creed. I am in a medieval setting and I know my goal is to make it to the top of a broken tower. I climb a tree to reach the roof. I make my way across the rooftops, jumping and climbing with ease. I reach a stretch with a row of stone gargoyles just perfectly placed to swing from one to the next like on a child’s jungle gym. I swing from one to the next and then I hear voices from what I’d thought was an empty part of the castle. I get closer and hear a man and a woman talking about getting rid of the hand of the king, I immediately think they’re talking about my father! I swing to the gargoyle over the window and hang upside down to see who the culprits are, I’ll need to know who they are when I tell my father. When I peek in the two of them are making out. I remember hearing the man call the woman “sweet sister” so that means brother and sister are making out… I make an involuntary sound of disgust. The man looks over and I recognize the queen! The man comes towards me, I try to climb back up but the gargoyle breaks and I fall, grabbing the ledge by the window. The man reaches for me and says to take his hand. Not a chance! I’m sure they don’t want this secret getting out! I try to move away from the window but I’m too slow… the man grabs me and pushes me out into open air, I fall into my bed and wake.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tyrion: I am in a library. It is an old fashioned looking library with old leather bound books. I get up and leave the library. There’s a stairway going down outside. I hear people below talking about a boy who got hurt. A man calls the other as a prince, the prince sounds like a boy. The man says he wishes the injured kid would hurry up and die. The prince says it’s the wolf he can’t stand, the howling kept him up all night. The man says he could put the wolf down. The prince says there’s so many that the Starks would never notice. What a couple of assholes! I go the rest of the way over to them and respond to the boy’s comment that no one would notice the missing wolf. I say I’m quite sure the Starks can count to six, unlike some princes I could mention. It then occurs to me that the boy should go give his sympathies to the parents of the hurt boy. He calls me his uncle and says he doesn’t care about that boy! What an asshole! Someone should slap him in his ugly mug… so I do. He looks stunned then whines that he’s going to tell his mom! So I slap him again, making his cheeks a matching red. I tell him he can tell his mom all he wants, but first go tell the boy’s parents how sorry he is that their boy is hurt and emphasize if they need anything at all, the boy is glad to help. He runs off, I’m feeling quite satisfied as everything fades.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
John: I am in a stairway that seems to be leading up a medieval castle tower. I am going up to say goodbye to my brother, he has been hurt. I also know that he is actually my half-brother, and his mother doesn’t want me there. But I want to see my brother before I have to leave. I climb up the stairs more quickly and when I get to a door at the top I open it slowly. The woman is sitting in a chair beside a bed where my brother lies, unresponsive. The woman asks what I’m doing here, I say I’m going to say goodbye to Bran. She says I should leave. She gives me a dirty look that could curdle milk. I ignore her look and walk over beside the bed, on the other side from the woman. She says she’ll call the guards. I tell her to go ahead, I have every right to say goodbye to my brother. I go over and take Bran’s hand. He is so very skinny, almost skeletal. I see under the covers that his legs look like they’re bent wrong… didn’t anyone even bother to set the bones? I know it’s a medieval setting without a lot of medical knowledge, but really? I wish I could do something, something to heal him. I am focusing on healing him as I hold his hand. There’s movement under the covers. The woman gets excited and looks, but the movement stops. The legs look better now. The woman is talking. She says she prayed for this… she prayed to the seven that Bran could stay with her, that Ned would change his mind… she’s crying. I don’t know what else to do, so I say this isn’t her fault, she didn’t want him to stay with her like this… She gets mad at me and says she doesn’t need my absolution. I say of course she doesn’t… but she needs her own absolution, don’t blame yourself. Before she can respond I leave the room and everything fades.

1:00am-9:40am
My dream was about me being lonely again, and I chatted with a guy and cuddled and stuff when my parents weren't home. We exchanged letters, under the codename Midnight Sun. He had a wife, she found out and one morning I saw some nasty stuff written on our mailbox about me being a slut. Everyone around me disliked me, my brother refused to let me go outside and I felt like shit until I woke up.

If it wasn't a distopia, it was a pretty run down looking setting. Broken into two parts, but it's not so clear now. Was in some kind of school setting maybe. A old friend of mine was there, some type of emergency we were trying to get away from. Eventually it came out that he'd traveled from the future or something. I went into a building where a guy had me put something on my arm and said "This will break your arm, but it's okay," or something like that. I looked at my arm and part of it looked missing, then it hurt pretty bad. There was some talking about how maybe we weren't that good of friends. It was actually pretty long, but that's all I remember now.

Morning of August 7, 2017. Monday.

Dream #: 18,494-02. Reading time: 2 min 40 sec.



I am sitting on the floor near the southeast corner of the living room in the Cubitis house. The layout is different. My attention is on the front door and a fictitious area north of the kitchenette.

I am aware of my father on the carport (though I do not see him). (My dream self does not remember he died in 1979.) He does not enter the house. He slides several objects under the door (which would have been impossible in reality). I see them as well as hear their movement. There are at least three open-end wrenches, presumably different sizes from a set. There are other items, like a couple of flat pieces of metal. I think he wants me to put them in the hallway closet, as he no longer has space for them in the shed.

I have two irregular stones that seem more like crystals at times. Although mostly opaque, they sometimes seem transparent, becoming glassy when I tap them together. Some facets are reflective and shiny. They have a bluish tint for the most part, though I notice that one looks gold at a later point.

I think I can make a fire. I strike one stone against the other, sometimes doing this when one is on the floor, other times while holding them. They sparkle, and some areas catch fire.

Light gray tendrils of smoke and small flames are the results at least four times. I get a folded piece of notebook paper and hold it near one stone as I hit it with the other, and they burn for a time. The paper catches fire.

An orange tabby cat no longer than my hand rests on my right near a burnt area of the floor. It moves a short distance from the smoke and flames. The small fire is close to it but does not hurt it. Its tail traverses an area of the floor that had burnt moments before. It does not show signs of fear or injury.

---

Dreams are mainly a result of co-occurrence with the status of being in the dream state, resulting from subliminal environmental monitoring, enigmatic space, and autosymbolic waking processes.

My dream self sometimes instinctually starts a fire to activate consciousness, a goal stemming from the status of being in the dream state (and being instinctually aware of being asleep), NOT a factor from waking life. My extent of dream control has no association with being “lucid.” My brief dream self identity is not a model of waking life identity. In this case, there is no recall my father had died. There is in other dreams, a factor unrelated to the implied time or any recent thoughts I may have held in waking life. It is because, in subliminal space, my dream self does not have practical access to either my unconscious mind (or its legitimate memories) or my real identity.

This dream also includes wall mediation (another regular event of being in the dream state, NOT a cause from waking life status). A wall (and related features like doors, windows, and fences) is a concurrent virtual division of various levels of liminal space and enigmatic space, though is more likely with an environmental factor like less intrusive noise. The tools from under the door are another association with achieving consciousness, of which the preconscious (reticular activating system) is the foremost dynamic.

The stones become transparent when closer to initiating consciousness (starting the fire) to remind me my dream is an illusion but still controllable by instinct.

Cats sometimes appear with wall mediation (with many specific examples of this in my dream journal), as a virtual anchor in liminal space; and in childhood, a summoned virtual witness to the dream state when lucid. In this instance, the cat is a tiny version of Tiger (a cat from my childhood when I lived on 611 North Monroe Street in 1967). One of the photographs from this time features me sitting in front of the front door, holding him.

---