All DJ Entries

Two Tails
Feel the surreal familiarity of this fog, float on the fringe of a dream. From all directions at once, she struts, little mist cat of two tails. We will converse once the weight of this world makes us real. But fog lifts, we slip away, victims of the stirring day.

A glimmer of lucidity this morning, perhaps just a notch or two above hypnagogia.

One morning the voice kept asking me to say the same prayer over and over again. Her tone seemed mean, as if what I was doing was pathetic. Her voice apologized later in the day. This morning my dog ran away but came back an hour later. My sweet time with the voice was interrupted because I was driving around Bowden from 5:30 am until after 6.

From

I was in Fromville again. The Mathews kids were trying to build a plane or helicopter.

The Jamie voice apparently says that she is enjoying the show... Can't be sure tho.

Work

I was working with my Dad in a large room. Jamie was standing by a door but being quiet. She looked Asian at times.

Jamie 2

Me and Jamie were in a TV show or something. We left the TV set and we were in a house that seemed to be ours. I asked her if she liked the show. She said that she did. She placed a purse on the kitchen table. A bunch of womanly padded products fell out of the purse. One fell on the floor. I picked it up and put it on the table. Jamie was just staring at me.

Maybe this dream is Jamie explaining what was wrong with her the one morning? Maybe her testing me to see if it's another thing I have to contend with should we...

Dreamed Oct 23 2024

Roam the city on a hill. Streets are a clutter of shops, shoppers, shooters, droppers. No way is out of the way. Sink from the blight into swift sweeping twilight. From dim, to dark, to dire. Retreat. Re-clamber to the crown. The world is shut. Claustrophobic press of flesh is faded. Dread desolate slabs of concrete upon which one may make home.

Centre cracks a sneer. Slip between its lips, past cobweb arcades, soul-less store fronts, yawning caves that once shone seductive songs. Bag wrapped bodies clog the innards of this slow dying beast. Asleep? Dead? A body bag woman rises and races. I flee. At stair top we stand face to face. She begs for change or coffee. "I think I gave you change already," I inform. She smiles, "Yes, I think you did." We part, she back to bag rows and I through emergency exit scream.

Stumble out onto a simmering shore of blush and blues. The world is warm and awash in succulent unsettlery. To the right lies a lake sleek and sheer. A many tiered waterfall twinkles awake. Snatches of past life songs twinkle awake within. To the left, cross lazy sands, are souls of several earthen shades beautiful beyond the spell of bastard words. Behind stands a cave, a gaping cavity of glittering stone and gentle swells. From supple waves young men rise, only so high as to reveal their eyes, silver with ravenous glints. Oh to be their sustenance.

Right left stands he of moonlit skin and star frost eye. He asks where we are and how we arrived. I know neither. Finger through palm. Pinch of the nose. Mild surprise. "We're dreaming." No lust for control. Curiosity grows. Where this ride will guide us?

Ships swarm the horizon. Train of giant boxes slop into the water. They are a wall meant to sever earth from ocean, a drifting genocide. Warriors rise. Storms of arrows fly. They but slice softly into sea. And then...
Stillness...
Silence...
Surrender.

The wall surges closer.

I must do something yet nothing. Nudge Moonman. "Use your white savior powers to help," I jest, just a test. With a swift, "Okay," Moon leaps from the cliff, walks across water, faces the floating wall. As blocks swing close he sinks straight down. Rise again as each threat passes. He climbs a boat and calls, "Send explosives." Intentions for dynamite in his hand bestows upon him only a gas can. He christens the boat. "I need a light!"

Finger through the palm strengthens resolve. "Jump onto my hand!" I call to Moon. In a silly show of perspective forced, his feet find my hand. He lands, a tiny creature crouching in my palm. Pass him to the nearest warrior.

Now rises my warrior. How long has it been? Dance an ancient ritual, step, stomp, punch, spin, over and over and over again. Scream from the depths of my innermost hell. Streams of golden plasma spray from fingertips to swallow each ship. Each explodes, one after another, in fantastic plumes of flame and shadow. And then, quite simply, the swarm and their bobbing threat are gone. Turn to the earthen warriors. They are gone. Look for the light of Moon man. He is gone. I stand sole in this still simmering dawn.

"It's done, I suppose," I sigh to the morn. But there is still some stuff to this dream. Launch and laugh from a ledge, pristine. Slip from the sky. Spin so the spine leads the plummet into the next whatever that will have me.

Not many dreams. Jamie drive by again? I was pulling into the Reddi-mart to pull out some cash. Noticed the one car with the wannabe red but not quite color. Stared intently inside... I saw a woman with brown hair, sort of like Jamie but unsure. She seemed to notice I was looking her way and she defiantly turned her gaze to the side (but was probably just shoulder checking for oncoming traffic before turning.). moments later while inside... her voice started up. "Why did I do that? I'm sorry." Her voice was apologizing non stop throughout the day. Her crime - Doing the freezout thing. I mean I'll try my best to let it slide. Even though her voice promised me that she would not do that anymore. I'll admit when I worked with her - it was an extremely frustrating thing to deal with. I have never liked it, don't currently like it, and never will. Experiencing that currently kind of doesn't help. Remember - I'm absolutely certain I have at least mild traits of BPD myself. The worst thing for me emotionally is to consistently re live past trauma. It's bad enough that I currently live with my dad, even though he is getting old and feeble - He still is emotionally abusive. Constantly scoffing in disappointment over every single thing I do. Also Boomer parents, "Why don't my kids wanna see me.?" I'm absolutely positive Jamie reads these, so please take these things into consideration. I have stated a lot on this journal, that I am trying my best to work on my issues around her, so that I can be a safe place for her. It should go both ways. I'm dedicated to being sensitive and accommodating to her issues, and working it out with her with good communication. I however, expect the exact same thing from her. Because if me mentioning in a dream how long it's been since we've talked and how salty I am about it is going to trigger her badly into a splitting episode, What does she think ignoring me in outright defiance does to me? It's a fine line - walking on eggshells. And I do pray everyday that Jesus somehow solves her BPD issues. There's a guy on Tik tik sensitive.stability - a self proclaimed self cured BPD guy that has a program for trying to be symptom free. It probably costs money, but it might be worth it for us to check it out. It's loosely based on DBT. Another thing is that her voice keeps asking for prayers, when we both gt upset at this stuff. That's really good. Wether the prayers are getting answered or not, it's a good thing that seems to help us stay grounded with one another.


On a lighter note. If Jamie wants to talk to me I imagine we are going to have some pretty awkward initial conversations. Somehow I don't think,"Hey there Captain Booty cheeks, are you ready to make that daughter we've been dreaming about? Or are you chicken?" is going to work well.

Dreams:

first night: Nothing, except a flash of Jamie coming up to me and hugging me.

Night after her apparent) run in.


Wal-Mart

I was in a Wal-Mart with some native girl who wanted to be my girlfriend. I saw a Woman I recognized as Shannon M from didsbury (Nice trailer park lady who worked at Hi-Ho for years. Has a couple kids - one borderline daughter with a kid) I'm like "Hey!" And the woman (Possibly Jamie.) started hugging me from behind really tightly and kissing the back of my neck in the same spot over and over again. I was walking as she did this. The Native girl was staring at me funny. I said, "I know this lady I worked with her at Wal-Mart for 5 months or so." (In reality I never worked with shannon but the line implies I was recognizing Jamie). The dream seems to end there.

17/10/2024 @ aprox between 10:30 am - 11:30 am - My first lucid dream in YEARS, possibly over a decade.

I was running from a special ops unit through a tightly packed, derelict abandoned gated community. It was night though it was well lit from the full moon with a blue-ish white tint. They where looking for me as I had found some highly advanced alien technology which had unlocked dormant supernatural powers within me. (Invulnerability and atom manipulation)

Because of my new found abilities I was defending myself against these special ops agents with ease, disassembling their atomic structure as they evaporated into shadows of shouldering ash. Their weapons had no effect on me so I was without fear and in no sense of urgency to escape.

In order to enhance these abilities further I had to find a ring I had misplaced which I was unable to find.

*MOMENT OF LUDICITY* :

I discovered I was dreaming because I realized how outlandish the situation was. In that instant I had became lucid and the entire world began to wobble and wriggle about like an impossibly designed, intricate childs drawing and what I can only describe as what I imagine having an acid trip would be like. With this realization the most amazing feeling of power, warmth and joy washed over me.

Before I had discovered I was dreaming, the dream world was seamless and indistinguishable from the real world. It's almost like as soon as my rational brain had woken up and my rational focus was shone onto the dream world that my fully conscious self was too much for the dream world to sustain believably or I was taking up too much resources so it began to struggle with the weight of my fully conscious being's presence.

The excitement must have been too much as I was not able to explore far, not so long after I had become lucid the world began to break up around me and I found myself slipping into a closing, narrowing, clear, crisp, mildly pixelated, almost digital thinly and sparsely detailed oval tunnel of white light with a slit of black at the end.

Before long the tunnel of white light had disappeared and all too soon I was in the dark looking at the back of my eyelids back in bed having left the lucid dream behind. It sounds a lot like was people describe dying as being like! I really felt like I had left my body and had come back from somewhere else outside of my body.

(Reflection) Maybe dying is waking up from the dream of the real world.

Ever since I had this lucid dream I am able to remember at least one dream per night in excruciating detail hours after I've woken.

The voice was still insistent that the van I saw Monday was Jamie. Even though I seen a similar grey van at the same store driven by an older brown haired lady. The voice argued that there's lots of grand caravans in the area. This is true. Her voice complained later, " How come you pretend I'm not there when I visit?" Well... Driving by someone goes quick. Sometimes her sightings don't leave me room to visibly react. One apperrent drive by was at night and I could barely make out the shape of a face. And I couldn't literally see inside the van well because of the lighting. Depending on light reflecting off a windshield can determine how much you see inside someone's vehicle.

Uncle again

I was almost lucid. I spoke like I knew it was a dream. I saw my uncle lying on a cot with some woman. I asked if his name was his name. He said yes. I told him not to come into my dreams anymore. I don't remember much after.

One night I woke up at 2 am and Jamie's voice kept asking for prayers because of a nightmare. Was she watching "From?" - It gave her nightmares. I have heard that Borderlines can have excruciatingly long and vivid frequent nightmares.

Raven

A brief dream where I saw Raven. Can't remember details tho.

Jamie 1

Brief flash of her holding me in bed.

Possibly Jamie?

Started off, I was in a shopping mall. I was in a Zellers or Sears like store. Some women in medical clothing were testing someone. It turns out they had a contagious disease. They said they had to quarantine the area and since I was a few times away that meant me. They put some weird medical gown on me.. more like a vest. Then they brought me a Hazmat suit. This was interrupted by a horde of people running through the store in a panic. The medical people ran away too. I tore off the vest and looked two the double doors leading outside. Another horde of people were running outside as well.

I took off and went down a hallway. Went through a door onto a street. No one was running so 8 figured I was past the danger. I felt I was near Jamie's place so I went up these garden paths separated by plastic bubbles with zip up doors. I was on a hill looking down at at garden being tended by an older lady with brown hair. I knew who she was. I had seen that lady lots in dreams at Jamie's house. Not sure if she's a guide or guardian.

I went through the next zipper door, and I was quite confused as to where I was. Inside was a living room. A woman that looked like Jamie was sleeping on a couch. I woke her up and asked how to leave? She got up and said she would help. Her hair went from long to shorter with the ends by her chin. She said, "Make sure you give me a hug and a kiss before you leave. " I thought since she no longer looked like Jamie, that she was someone else... That it might be cheating. I gathered some things that I had left there including a gun. Jamie didn't seem bothered by that. I tucked it into a side pocket or purse. She looked like Jamie again and I was waiting for my hug. Jamie went into a kitchen then and she looked like someone else. An older man was suddenly with her. They were talking. I figured it was the woman's husband. She no longer seemed aware that I was there so I left.

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A tragic dream befell me last night. The focal point seemed to be the death of my mother. I dreamt I was on the phone with her, and she was having trouble breathing. I did not know the reason for this, but it became clear that she was dying. Her death and aftermath lingered throughout the remainder of this dream. I had many conflicting emotions: a mix of profound sadness, bitterness, anger, resentment, and most of all confusion. It was an extremely vivid dream, unfortunately. The feeling of it was potent. I wish I had recorded this dream sooner, as there were many other factors at play that I cannot now recall. At a certain point, I believe I was also having breathing trouble in the dream (perhaps irl too while sleeping), and felt that I too would experience a similar fate to that of my mother's. I am not sure what to make of this dream. All I know is I want to speak to my mother soon and let her know I love her. I know there are a great many things relating to childhood trauma I have yet to address with both my parents. I have been feeling that it might be better to let our relationship stay amicable as it is now, and allow them to grow old believing they did a perfect job raising me. I believe they did their best of course, but I have things I would like to say to them, in an attempt to strengthen our relationship. But it would be hard... very hard to bring these things up. I believe I should probably talk to a therapist before having that conversation. I don't know if I would be able to handle more of these types of dreams...

Year three of the necessary and restorative retreat up in the Topanga hills of California with several of my closest friends. On Sunday, Meow Meow, whom I had just met for the first time at this retreat, noticed a book I was reading "Man and his Symbols," a work with an introduction by Carl Jung, and the subject matter of which (dreams, archetypes, etc.) became the grounds for a brief conversation between us. She showed me the Jungian tattoo on her back, to which I took great interest. That night, I dreamt that all of us were sitting together outside during sunrise, and a pillow of fog began to envelope us on all sides. It was very similar to how the fog in the Lost Woods of the Breath of The Wild game would engulf Link if he strayed too far off the path. I also dreamt that after the fog started surrounding us, I began cuddling and making out with Lynn, one of the other friends who was with us on the retreat. The night before, we had all took MDMA and were snuggled up together very close, and I felt a profound attraction to her. But no kissing took place. Anyway, here's where it gets important. The morning after that dream, I began explaining the dream to my friend Shot, who immediately adopted a look of shock on his face. I explained it more to Meow Meow and Kai, who both explained that this exact thing happened to them this morning, as they had all stayed up till sunrise, long after I had gone to bed. They told me how the morning fog surrounded them as they were all sitting together, and they noted how much I would have loved this. They even considered going to wake me several times, but never did. Lynn had left the house before I woke up and I did not get a chance to say goodbye, but she texted me saying that my spirit was with them that morning. Clearly, it was. This synchronistic occurrence will live with me forever. I am still sort of in shock. I have a renewed love of dreams and synchronicity. I hope to keep up dream journaling more regularly now.

Am I WILD?

A world of warped shadow and feeble matter falls in and out of focus. Fingers are spider legs. "Dreaming." Stumble on no feet. Mumble through madness. Stability escapes me. Struggle to soar. The darkness pulls me down and down and down.

Yon the crush of defeat and the gnarled arms of naked trees... the stars are singing. Singing! Their voices like the tinkle of thin ice on breathing shores. They dance, cluster, and call to me. The world sighs brighter but only a bit. Focus on the lights, the celestial sights that beckon me to their heavenly embrace. Nothing feet push up. Set off from shadow, Set sight on the stars. With blissful speed I spin and swerve into eternity. "We're lucid," I sing to everything and to nothing. And because I am WILD, I freefall, fire and ice through the twinkling heart of darkness.

Really tired, I'll try to journal everything as best as I can.

Outside the Reddi-Mart yesterday around 5 pm spotted a Grey Dodge caravan, later model. Because of the light I couldn't exactly see inside. A brown haired woman sitting there and possibly smiling at me? Unsure as I couldn't see. As I walked away. The Jamie voice suggested that it may have been her. Since I didn't see clearly, I'm not putting too much faith in it. Maybe try waving next time???

Dreams:

Jamie 1

Just a dream of me and her in bed kissing.

Jamie 2

I was at a bar with my brother. It was karaoke or something. I was at a table with some paper writing down songs. Jamie came by me as I left the table, and nervously muttered something, which I couldn't quite make out. But, it seemed directed at me.
I walked away and said, "Yeah!!! What SHE said!!". I went outside for a smoke.

Jamie 3

I was with Jamie and her friends somewhere. Jamie was singing something. She noticed me and changed the lyrics to include my name. I said I have some songs I can sing about her. But she didn't seem to hear that and took off with her friends. I was a little disappointed.

Lucid?

I became lucid randomly in a house. I remembered wanting to find Jamie. I went outside to walk to her dream area but my memory fades

From

(I was watching the paramount+ show "From." Before bed.)

I was in the setting of the show. I was in some barn at night with the brother and sister from the show. I was holding a talisman against the door because I couldn't hang it up for some reason...

What?

I went to visit my distant uncle. I thought he could help me with some. He was sitting in a large chair surrounded by people. He gave me a long speech about how I bought myself a coffee and someone else. He seemed to be guilt tripping me about spending money irresponsibly. He then nodded to someone and indicated that they could give me a heart attack in a dream or something... I left dumbstruck. Give someone a heart attack over buying coffee?

Drywall

I was on a drywall Job with the same uncle. I was leaving the job. I wanted nothing to do with him. He seemed to be apologizing, but I wasn't having it.

In my dream, I was at a beach, and I saw a rain of flying fish, the beach also flooded.

Jamie is still hard to find in dreams. Things keep interfering.

Jamie 1

Long dream. But all I remember is taking a bus. I was going to the transfer station to catch a connecting bus. Suddenly instead of a bus, I was in a car... And my mother was driving. She drove right past the bus stop where I was supposed to catch the other bus. I told her to let me off but she wouldn't. I asked again. Still wouldn't let me off. My mother is a recovering schizophrenic so I thought maybe she was off her meds. I started yelling and insisting that she let me off. We were in a school zone now and we were slowing down for children. I started yelling that she stopped her meds. The car stopped. Instead of my mother it was Jamie driving. She looked at me really upset.


Really annoying I keep seeing Jamie as someone else...

Jamie 2

3rd person. I saw Jamie lying in bed. Some spider like creature was on her ceiling.

Woke up and made a comment about it to the voice. Her voice said, " How do you know what I dream about?" I answered that I dreamed it.

Jamie 3

We were in a stadium at some game. We were making out.

Annoying

I was at a house with some people. Someone kept trying to get me to drink beer. I didn't want any. The guy kept insisting, and I kept refusing until I was yelling. That dream shaman guy started yelling at me too.

What

A flash of a dream where Jamie was at an orgy. I saw some stuff....

Maybe that dream shaman guy interfering again?

Wtf

A dream where Jamie was dressing up in some lingerie. But she looked like a man. She was also in a garage talking to someone, asking if I might like the outfit.

Last night

Um

I was with some dark guy in a city. He was showing me to some secret hiding place. We had to walk down a long sidewalk to get the. It was this warehouse place under a bridge.

Once there he pulled down his pants and started pole dancing. 8 was like, " yo look buddy, I think you have the wrong idea about me." And he was like: I guess I read the situation wrong. And I'm like, "I don't know what I did to make you think... How do I get out of here?"

He pointed down a ways and I left.

What's with all the Gay themed dreams? I want my Jamie back dammit.

Semi lucid

I was in an abandoned house. became vaguely lucid. I was watching a bed. I tried to manifest Jamie in it. A shape appeared under the covers. I pulled them off but no one was there. Memory fades after.

Kind of frustrating. Voice at night and mornings is great. She keeps saying it's the best relationship she's ever been in and she doesn't see me in person. I hope that changes someday. It is for me to.

My dream began in a house in what seemed to be a classic American suburb. I was getting a haircut by a barber that my brother recommended to me. It was the type of "underground" barber that would cut your hair for cheap and only take cash. I entered the garage and saw a guy with a girl standing next to him; they were both of Korean descent.

I took my seat and looked at the TV-screen in front of me. The barber was putting up "funny images" on the screen and was just having fun, fucking about (I do not remember what the images were but they were not funny to me).
After a while, the guy slowly started cutting my hair, and halfway through I realised it looked like shit. I had faith that the barber knew what he was doing so I didn't say or do anything. But when he was done, I was almost completely bald on the backside of my head with uneven lumps of hair sticking out. My hair was a complete mess and I was legitimately considering buying a wig.

While contemplating what to do, I looked to the left to see my friend James standing under the garage door. When he saw me, he broke out laughing. At this point I was furious and I chased after him because I wanted to beat him up. Although I tried, I could not catch up to James and gave up chasing him fairly quickly.

I was still fuming with rage to the point where I couldn't contain myself. I felt the primal urge to destroy someone, but no one was around. So in an attempt to attract people to me, I screamed "N*GGER" as loud as I could, in hopes that some angry bystander would approach me. As luck would have it, three guys approached me in anger. Without the slightest hint of hesitation, I immediately attacked the guy standing in the middle. I was simply enraged, beyond rhyme or reason, my main goal was to inflict as much pain as possible. The others attacked me as well as I went back and forth between the three of them, exchanging hits. Even though I took a lot of brutal hits, I was so outraged and doped up on adrenalin that I felt no pain. I just kept on fighting them, not caring for their well being, until I completely lost myself in a moment of euphoria.
Then I woke up.

Please comment your thoughts!

I had a dream where I was being held captive under a contract by a very large and powerful company. The contract specified that I was forced to play chess against a very powerful opponent, until I beat him. I'm around 500 elo and the opponent was roughly around GM level. This took place in a large nature/grass area, with a nearby stream, that I know from real life. The chess games were played on a computer and were streamed live and with millions of people watching, and there were what seemed to be roughly a million people standing around me as well, spectating.

As the days blended together, I kept losing time and time again. I had access to the stream chat, and I sometimes typed in there, but nobody in chat noticed it was me. I was world famous, but I was essentially a slave to the company as I couldn't leave. One night, I tried to escape at dark, but the security, consisting of around 20 people, ended up catching me, bringing me back and forcing me to continue playing chess for my freedom.

Days passed and i slowly went mad with rage. It started out with me slapping papers in random peoples faces as i tried to vent my anger onto others. It eventually got to the point where I would target my aggression on the guy managing the whole chess event; I spat on him and threw water in his face.
My mental state declined exponentially. I became more ruthless and violent. At some point I gouged some guys eyes out from rage, but nobody could do anything to me as I was under the protection of the company since I was making them tons of money. Essentially everyone around me became the victim of my anger driven torture schemes.

On a early autumn morning at around 5 AM: I beat him. I was barely paying attention, but I saw the checkmate pop-up on my screen as my heart rate increased rapidly. I checked the stream views and they went from around 16 million to 600 million+ viewers. I earned my freedom.
But I felt that I had to handle the situation properly. As I was a big asset to the company, I knew they wouldn't let go of me, so I went to ask the manager to see my contract without letting him know I won (I for some reason didn't think any staff was watching since it was early in the morning). I asked to see the contract so I could check for loopholes and have a raw copy in case they tried changing the contract in an attempt to prevent my freedom.
As I asked for the contract, the manager ignored me and by then I knew it was too late. They must have already done something to the contract and I knew I was never gonna be freed. I cracked.

I took out a knife and stabbed the managers stomach, cutting him open like I was gutting freshly caught prey. He was still alive and screaming in pain, I cut off his ears and eventually his genitalia. At this point around ten people were desperately trying to pull me off of him, and as they tried to subdue me I ended up slashing some guys eye with the knife.
I had become fully insane, with my only goal being to hurt as many people as possible. Nothing mattered more to me as I became a fucking torture machine, desperately trying to cause harm people.
Then i woke up.

Please comment your thoughts!