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I was somehow homeless behind my father's old house. I am sad it isn't in the family anymore, but my dad has passed in waking life and we had to sell the house. So, I'm building a fire to stay warm. Last night I really did build a fire in our back yard.

I noticed the fire was almost out. I was about to blow on it when the new owners of the house started looking out of the house and then walking towards me.

I ducked down so they couldn't see me, but they kept coming. I started to growl like a dog or some kind of monster to get them to turn away, but it wasn't working.

Then all of a sudden I was in the house looking out the window the way they must have been looking at me. I saw the fire and realized why I got their attention.

--

There were two ladies. They were both really cute. One of them said to some guy, "You're not getting under this bra."

I realized I should just play it cool. I acted like I wasn't attracted to either of them and tried to look them in their eyes. Tried.

--

I was in some kind of race inside of a gymnasium. It was like a marathon, but we had to run the distance in a small gym. People were cutting the corners because the room was small and it would be ridiculous to run in an actual square.

I wanted to run the full distance (and not cheat), so I tried to take the corners by running on the wall. Others took advantage by running past me on the inside. I thought that was kind of unfair.

It was very cramped. The room was only as big as a large garage. I ended up leaving the race, though I intended to rejoin it.

Outside I saw a big boned black lady name Yolanda. I don't know how I got to this point, but I grabbed her by the waste and pulled her into me twice. Then I decided to pull her in and thrust my pelvis into her rear. She was really soft.

She didn't seem to mind, but then she started acting as though I shouldn't have. I worked hard to get her attention and finally did. I mouthed the words, "Don't get me in trouble." She says, "OK."

Another old dream. I write them out as I remember.

It started with me and my mom in some sort of military bunker. We are being led through, and seem to know where we are and why we were there.

Suddenly an alarm goes off and and everyone in the base starts running around getting ready for some sort of invasion. We pass a section where there are a bunch of baby's and some soldiers begin to hide them. It is only then that I realize all the soldiers are women.

I am given a gun and a helmet and I take position with them in the entry way everyone aiming at the large double doors. Everyone seemed so trained, and I was a bit floppy holding a gun, but got in position with them despite.

I wondered what could possibly be coming for the entire base to be up in arms. I ask the person next to me "who is coming?" or something along those lines. She turns to me and says "it's him". I have even less understanding and just turn to the doors which are now rattling.

The doors suddenly burst open letting light engulf the room, three silhouettes coming into view. A few of the girls gasp, some flinch. The men walk in, in the middle stands my dad. He scans the room causing everyone to shiver with fear. They had been so prepared, and were now frozen, unable to act.

He walked in slowly and deliberately singing some creepy version of the ABCs. No one can even mutter a word they are so frightened. I can not believe that they can not defend their own bunker.

My mom, from across the way yells to me "Kill him! Just kill him!"
I say "No I can't just kill him."
She just repeats "Kill him!"

I raise my gun and aim it for his head. Right when I get a shot he turns and looks me in the eye. His gaze scares me and I shoot. It impacts his temple and he swings around but does not even loose balance. I shoot him in the head again, he flings around again, ending up facing me again. He looks into my eyes and says "I love you" and falls to the ground dead.

I begin shaking and drop my gun in shock. I am traumatized and having a meltdown.
Everyone begins to cheer. A few gather around me patting me on the back, congratulating me. My mom says "good job" and I just brush her off. They keep coming to congratulate me but I am just trying to get away, ashamed at what I had done.

I was pregnant when the dream started, no explanation, and was making many trips to the abortion clinic.
They were telling me all sorts of things I wasn't listening to. I wanted to be sure of what I was going to do before I did it. I decided that this was my choice to make and no one would sway me in my pursuit of finding what was best for me.

I didn't want to just abort the baby with out the consideration of outside adoption and those sorts of things, but I also did not want to add another baby to a foster home or something. And I would not be able to take care of it while going to college.

So I kept it for awhile.

I did normal things, like watching netflix with my friends (the house looked like one from a friend in CO) but I was unable to focus, I all could think about was what I wanted to do with it.

I made more trips to the clinic. I went into a room with a large group of people sitting most of them watching a TV suspended from the ceiling. It looked like a large scale doctors waiting room. I looked a the TV to see some sort of cheerleading routine. I watched for awhile and thought that it would be a much harder decision if i was pursuing some sort of physical career or engaged in some sort of sport. I felt my stomach and realized that I could feel the child inside me.

My dad took me to the next appointment. (I do not have a good relationship with him irl). As we were walking to the door, I felt the baby inside me and officially decided to abort it. I realized that I did not have time to be the mother I would want to be to it, and that there is a lot more I wanted to do first.

Suddenly the baby's arms and legs started ferociously kicking and shoving the inside of my stomach, all four limbs thrashing. I could suddenly hear him screaming and gasping. He began kicking my pelvis and then turned around to scratch my organs, still screaming somehow. Finally he pushed his whole form against my stomach until almost his entire form could be seen, him still inside me. He was having a meltdown, freaking out that I had decided to kill him. My dad stops walking but does nothing. He continues to scream.

I touch were the side of his head was and told him to calm down, I wouldn't do it. He continued thrashing, screaming and gasping. I began crying and pleaded with him to stop, it hurt. I told him sorry and begged him to calm down. Slowly but surely his breathing returned to normal and he returned to where he had been.

I grabbed my stomach freaking out, and woke up.

Had a phantom baby for awhile. So strange.

I had a false awakening and started trying to get back into my dream, but I was dreaming. Very strange. I started dreaming again and dreamed that I needed to remember my dream, in my dream, but forgot what I was dreaming, by the time I woke up. I think that is how it went.

--

I do remember dreaming that I was playing basketball in a gym. There was a truck at the top of the key (residue from a previous part of the dream that I can't remember). So, I'm trying to do a hook shot from the free-throw line. I kept missing, but I used to like to practice from there in waking life to gauge my form.

After missing one shot, I went to get the ball. It had very poor bounce to it which bothered me. I started thinking about my dad who used to help me with my hook shot.

I shot another hook and missed again. I went to get the ball and it seemed to be very heaving. It wouldn't let me dribble it increasing it's bounce. As I tried to pick up the ball, it seemed to be pulling reality with it, as though it was peeling back space or something. I finally got the ball back and went back to the free throw line. I started thinking about my Dad and crying because he isn't with me anymore.

I remember the thought welling up inside of me two or three times so that I started really crying in my dream.

This is strange for me because I usually don't express emotion much in my dreams.

02.03.2011

School, IB, and Turtle (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

Log: 11:00pm Wednesday, March 2, 2011
6:00am
Hours: 7:00m Alarm: 6:00 Audio: None

This dream starts out in a classroom that is on the second floor. I was getting ready to do a project or assignment of some sort, and i needed my dad to bring me something. I was looking out the window at the line of cars piled up outside the school, desperately looking for him. I finally saw him and headed downstairs to go get what i needed. I was in the lobby of the school and i saw that he was waiting there all along and that there was no reason for me to be waiting, i was kind of pissed... I got my polygonal snake figure form him, tried to explain to him what i was doing, then rolled my eyes as he didn't understand, and then i walked away.
The dream either changed or transitioned, but i was now in an office of the school and i saw an administrator that was not my couselor but her role in the dream was such. She asked me why i wasn't doing IB and trying to convince me to join again. She led me to a door, and she was talking about megetting something, i cannot remember what. But i walked through the doors and went through few others. Soon Jaocb had come with me and we were wandering together through this what seemed now to be a hardware store. I told him i was looking for a tiny turtle. We looked and looked, and in the process, we kind of messed aorund in the store, but we knew we were allowed to be there and we weren't doing anything wrong. But soon we came upon a big scary guy, who was apparently an employee. He was rude and told us we shouldn't be there. I told him that we weren't doing anything wrong but he insisted on fighting and taking us down. There was a slight crowd around us now, but it was just him and me now. He started out the fight ok, but i titally owned him beyond belief in a wise, planned out, Sherlock Holmes way. It was amazing and everyone was cheering.

I didn't get a chance to update my journal for the last couple of days.

1. I'm wandering through some house that has obviously been abandoned in a hurry.

2. Two people have been swarmed by killer bees, and I'm trying to phone for help. The phone isn't working properly. The two people pass out and fall into a huge pool of water in the ground.

3. My dad has gone missing for a few days. I'm standing on the steps of the police station, not knowing what to do. A policeman comes up to me and we talk for a bit. He gives me a stack of paper.

I was arguing with my dad. My dad is usually a trigger to go lucid because he has passed, but I didn't .

So we were walking along when someone passed me on my left. I put my hand on my dad's shoulder and moved closer to him to let the guy on my left go by without bumping into me. My dad said, "You see, I'm not really comfortable with that since your mad at me."

I couldn't believe it. Then I started jogging and throwing punches to the air as if I were in training. I think this was a throwback to a punishment he once gave me.

I felt a little silly. I'm not really a fighter, so I felt as though I was being disingenuous, but I kept on because I was mad. At one point I jumped up. I had some great hang-time. This was another chance to go lucid, but it didn't happen.

The End

I am at my house and my Dad is apparently running some sort of lemonade stand, but
there's no stand. He has this lemonade but he has very poor business skills. He knows
all about Sales / Supply & Demand, but he doesn't have a good relationship with his
customers. He tends to fight with them a lot. We are on the roof of my house for some
reason and we have a black tarp over the front lip where we are sitting. We are working
on something when my dad asks if I am able to get down from this height. I look, It is
a decent fall but not too far so I say yes. I jump down and fall promptly to the ground and
land gracefully. In real life, I probably would have hurt myself. I go into the garage and
start talking to a friend about my dad's customer relation issues and come up with the idea
that I should start a better "company". Somehow, computer programming plays into it and
we talk about that for a while. For some reason, I'm a better programmer ( not true in
waking life ) and the friend asks me a questions like "Do you know Emacs Lisp?" Or something
like that. I tell him I do not, but I'm going to learn it. By this time we are in a huge warehouse-
like place. Almost like an aircraft hangar. The dream ends.

I was outside my parent's house on the lawn outside the hedge. Two of my friend's were with me. I had some sort of small device which could send people back and forward through time. My friends were begging me to press the button and send them forward through time. I did, and I could see them speed up into the future. It's hard to describe the visual aspects of this. I looked around me, and there were cats everywhere. For some reason this made me want to do a reality check. I couldn't think of a good one to do at the time, so I tried sticking my finger through my palm. It didn't go through, so I decided that I must not be dreaming. Stupid reality test.

I was at some large outdoor event with tons of people. There was loud music playing, and I really liked it. My parents were there, and my dad said something that offended me, but I can't remember what.

From another night which I forgot to enter:
I was walking along some outcropping of rock that went way out into the ocean. The water was bright turquoise-blue, and there were all kinds of giant sea creatures swimming about. All different kinds of whales, dolphins, manta rays, etc. I even saw a narwhale or two. It was so beautiful and calming.

Another lucid! Still having trouble making it last, but I am making progress.

I was walking through some house with my dad. We were getting ready to leave, so I was getting my purse and coat together. I noticed that a light in one of the bedrooms was on, so I went to go turn it off. I flipped the switch but the light stayed on. I did it a couple more times and then I realized that I must be dreaming. I managed to keep my cool a bit more this time and didn't freak out or anything. I kept talking to my dad as if nothing was up. I ran my hands over the wallpaper to feel it's texture. My dad told me that he had to use the bathroom before we left. I took this opportunity to try spinning. I was surprised at how easy it was and how fast I could spin.
When I opened my eyes again, I was on a sunny street somewhere. I knelt down and felt the roughness of the pavement. I got up and started to walk, but again the dream started to fade away!
Within a few minutes, I was awake, and when I fell back asleep I had lost my lucidity.

I think I am getting better though!

02/05/2011
"College Course"

My dad was surprising me with a gift, for some unknown occasion. I can tell that I was much younger, in this dream, but I don't have any idea of what age. He led me out into the garage, and pointed over to one side, standing back and giving me room to pass through. Glancing over to my left, I lay my eyes on a red and blue enduro dirt bike (which looked just like this), parked next to some other bike, that I didn't really take much note of, as if I were already familiar with it. Ecstatic, I wheeled the dirt bike out to the drive way and began to inspect it, checking the choke and other switches. Finally I jumped onto the bike and stomped down onto the kick start. There was a ditch around the side of the house, that I had to avoid, and I was soon tearing off behind the house, pushing up through the gears. There was a large school campus (maybe a college or high school) just past the field I sped across, and I began weaving left and right, so as not to hit the people just wandering along the grass. I'd heard another dirt bike, out on the street, and when the person had seen me, I noticed that he turned around at the stoplight, came up onto the curb, and started trying to keep pace with me.

The physics of the ride were all very realistic. I was playing with clutch/accelerator dynamics to do short catwalks, but was being somewhat careful, because it's been a long time, since I've been riding. Beginning to run out of grass, I came along the front of the school, just at the parking lot, practically shouldering passed a security guard. I figured I'd gone about far enough, and hooked a U-turn around the guard, squeezing the front break and twisting the accelerator back so that the back tire spun in an arc around me. Facing back the way I came, I took off once again, weaving between the students and faculty once more. Don't remember much more than this.

01/15/2011
Fragment
The only thing I really remember is that I was driving around the Lake Mary area with my dad and a few other people. It seemed like the city, but there were a few differences in the geography. Later, we were in a park, smoking bud. Afterward, we were driving back down Lake Emma, and I was only wearing my underwear. Someone in the car wanted some cigarettes, so we headed toward a convenience store, and passed by a bunch of cops, along the way. They were doing some kind of driving drills, on the road, and had caused a huge accident. The last thing I remember is trying to maneuver around the wreck.



01/16/2011
Fragment
The only thing I remember is some chase sequence where I'm trying to catch this ninja girl (though I don't think it was the same girl that I was in my "Ninja Girl" dream, a while back). We were running around a dock/harbor area, and I had pyrokinesis. I remember throwing some fireballs at her, but she was just too quick and nimble; dashing and dodging around pretty much everything I threw at her, before taking off again and making me continue to chase her through the night.

I'm lying on a mattress on the floor. My sister is sleeping next to me. As I stare up at a red balloon which is resting in the branches of a small tree (potted plant next to the bed) I'm wondering how to make sure I have a lucid dream when I next sleep. I decide that every time i see something that can fly I will do a reality check. Now I'm walking across the room, following my sister (she seems distant and unconnected to me). I pass a table covered in small metal disks (like coins but smaller). As I wave my hand over them they all move as if I have some magnetic pull. Finally I realise that this is a dream.
So as not to get over excited and lose the dream like last time, I stare down at my hands, taking in every detail to stay grounded in the dream. As I do so, my hands start to grow and warp. I watch this happen and it seems to be working a little. However, still feeling dangerously close to waking, I remember what Stephen La Berge recommends and start spinning around on the spot. As I do this, I lose the dream scene and find myself in a gray void, still lucid. I'm annoyed that I've lost my sister and ask myself "what now?". I decide I want to see my deceased father and shout/intend to do so. I start flying around the dream space while giant rolls of wallpaper appear. I zoom around the folds until they become a long white corridor which I fly along until I'm walking out of the end and meeting my dad in some kind of laboratory. He's young, maybe 40, he looks slim and healthy. He says "I'm glad you could make it". We hug and walk off so he can show me his work. As we walk, I'm explaining how I decided to see him in my lucid dream and I remember that I should be asking the dream about healing mjy wrist. The dream fades.

26.01.2011

Blind Escape (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

This was an interesting dream, but it was sort of scary at the same time. The weird part is I'm just fed a lot of background information.

I'm in my dad's old apartment (In real life my dad got re-married a year ago and they moved into a much bigger apartment after they were married. I should also point ouit my stepmom in real life is very nice and caring.) and I immediantly know that my step-mother is evil. I know that she is just mean and cruel. My step-mom is convincing my dad to do something terrible with me, I'm not sure what it is though all I know is that she is hitting him and forcing him to agree. An abuse lady came in and asked me some questions. I basically acted like I wasn't scared and loved it there, but I hesitated so when she left my step-mother beat me. (My dream recall is weak right here, but she looked a lot like Mihcelle Obama.) My step-mom told me to just leave the house and never come back so I left, inside the house my dad was yelling at her. I wa soutside and caught up with the abuse lady and I crouched down behind her car because I was scared they would see me. She basically ignored me so I started crawling away when I saw my dad come out looking for me. I crawled up to this girl and she was crawling too, I said "Exscuse me!" because she was slow and as she was moving over she said "All these new crawlers don't lnow what they're doing." Then she sucked her teeth. I was thinking about what she said and then I saw the road. (This happens a lot I would think about something and be close to being lucid but then my dream would distract me right before I put all the peices together.) I started walking down the road wondering where to hide. (I actually passed down all the stores I use to in real life.) I saw the gas station but said no because they were doing drugs in there, then I saw two other stores but I said it was too obvious. I saw a bunch of houses in the distance and thought about my mom's house and why she would even let that happen. (I stay at my mom's house on the weekdays and my dad's on the weekends. I would of thought about that if it wasn't for my dream distracting me.) Then I saw my dad across the street looking for me, so I was going to go hide in some trees but I was topped by what I thought was hobo. I pretended to be his son so my dad wouldn't know it was me, and it worked he boarded a bus looking for me. I tried letting go of the guy's hand but he wouldn't let me, so getting scared I called for help and my dad opened the window and said he's coming. The man said he thought I had the wrong idea and said he was blind and that he needed help corssing the street. I said okay and I helped him cross the street. When I started parting with the man my dad came up and we exchanged a mushy momement and he said he kicked her out. He also said she was making him do something which was making him lose all his friends. Me and my father watched the blind man run across the street back and forth, never getting hit and acting crazy. (I woke up and went back to sleep)

I was observing what wa shappening like it was a movie. Threee girls were in a car and complaining about the air not working. The guy said they had to turn on the heat then the fan, they did. Heat blasted them and they shreiked, then it got cool. I realized that could help me solve something in real life. (I don't think it can actually help me but this time I was so close to being lucid.) They then started complaining about everything and how old it was. The guy got his friend, who I noticed was the blind man, and they started laughing about the girls.
--------------------------------
Side-Notes:
-These dreams were a mix of tv and a bunch of commercials I saw.
-These dreams also make me want to go see my dad.
-I was so close to being lucid so many times, but even if I was lucid I would be too swept up in the dream plot and lose it anyways.

[INDENT][RIGHT][SIZE="1"][COLOR="#808080"]15.01.2011[/COLOR][/SIZE][/RIGHT]
[SIZE="3"][COLOR="Black"]1/15/11 - 3[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE="1"][COLOR="#808080"](Non-lucid)[/COLOR][/SIZE]

[SIZE="1"][COLOR="#808080"]NON-DREAM[/COLOR] [COLOR="#1E90FF"]DREAM[/COLOR] [COLOR="#DC143C"]LUCID[/COLOR][/SIZE]

[COLOR="#808080"][/COLOR][COLOR="#1E90FF"]1) On the 19th? floor of an office building on a tour, I see that the successful businessman there is making $275K each day. At first I don't see the "K," and I still think that's a lot! Regardless of the pay, business isn't the job for me. I feel uncomfortable, and it's probably because of my fear of heights. I just want to leave. I don't listen to the rest of the tour and am the first one off of each floor. I go outside onto a pier? to meet my dad. We're going to get something to eat.

2) I see a listing of all the old BIONICLE!!! I'm really glad, because I thought that they weren't being sold anymore. I see the Toa Mata and look for Kopaka, who I find ([/COLOR][COLOR="#808080"]although the one I call Kopaka is really Nuju Metru[/COLOR][COLOR="#1E90FF"]). I'm really glad to see the Bohrok Kal.

3) continuation of 2?? I return to an old field, the one that used to be our base long ago. I savor the nostalgia, reminiscing of the great times that TB, SA, and I had. I see lots of resource blocks and think about how I didn't even think to mine them before. Perhaps we lost some resources such as diamonds and coal (as on a Minecraft map). I see TB's base?????????? I walk into my old base and see that the wall between SA's base and mine is now down. Sam's there. I walk into the next room and talk to K, who is upset that I don't talk to him much anymore. He reminisces of the times we used to have together.[/COLOR][/INDENT]