Recent DJ Posts

Morning of September 12, 2015. Saturday.



A small beautiful hand is very well-defined and well-rendered. It moves ever so slightly. I appreciate the three-dimensionality of the fingers being slightly closer to me, though I am more in the center of the room at first. There is a sense of deep peace and an essence of bliss. I find myself in a mostly empty semi-dark room with one four-paned window, open only about an inch. There is a gentle rain outside, some of the droplets seeming to fall on large leaves from the sound of it, perhaps elephant ear plants. A young girl in a white hooded dressing gown is webbed to the wall to the left of the window (on my left) but also a bit onto the actual window, mostly facing the wall but slightly turned to the right. The silky, seemingly glowing spider web covers her everywhere, head to toe, and out to the floor a bit, all but her left forearm and hand (though it seems her left shoulder is webbed against the wall). I notice five very small blueberries in the palm of her hand, none touching each other. I do not know who it is, but I assume, because of the ecstatic nature of the imagery and the strange but pleasant sensations in my skin, that it can only be an essence of my wife.

I take one of the blueberries and eat it and the taste is very sweet. I take a second one after due consideration, and the taste is very slightly different but still nice (as with blueberries in real life, as well as strawberries; each and every one always tastes slightly different from every other). Regardless of being “woven” into the intricate spider web, the girl is seemingly alive and very healthy; just in some sort of “hibernation” perhaps. The scene is not gruesome at all; it is amazingly pleasant (and I see no actual spider at any point, though I suspect it is a redback or black widow that somehow made all the intricate webbing). She does not open her eyes at any point. I consider having a third blueberry, but the sensations in my skin are almost “too” pleasurable, so I leave her with three and I casually throw myself backwards into oblivion, falling into various beautiful abstract images and flashes of pure blue.

Its been a while since i last wrote in my dj,but recently my dreams have been as real and crazy as ever,so i feel that i need to get back into lucid dreaming. So here it goes. Last night was one of the wierdest and realistic dreams i have ever had. I dont remember it very well,but what i can recall is enough to make you say WTF. So i am at this Festival of some sort with live music. Im with a girl that im trying to seduce and my brother is there with his girl. For some reason only one of the girls can have sex that evening. (yes alot of my dreams have a relation to intimacy because well,im a man). So i leave it to my brother and sacrifice my own blue balls. As my brother leaves me and the girl head to a huge tent,alot like the ones in harry potter where they look small,barely enough to hold two people but once you get inside,its the size of a mansion. İnside the well designed colorful tent i see my family sat around a table. We talk up to them and sit down. I light a cigarrete and before i know it my family ( my mom and dad) hand me ecstasy. Without having a second thought i take the pill,but i drop it. They give me two more ( all in different colors for some reason). I drop them on the floor aswell. Fınally im able to hold a pill,and without thinking i throw it in my mouth. There are three pills on the floor and for some reason,no one is picking them up,as if the 3 second rule applied for drugs. Before they see i pick them up and put them in my pocket,thinking that i will take then on the plan home with me. Now in real life im a daily marajuana smoker but i havent got a curiosty for ecstasy,nor have i tried it. Back to the dream. What seems like 15 minuets pass and i find myself outside with the girl,and all of a sudden it hits me right in the face. I suddenly feel absolutely amazing and the band that is playing at the concert sounded stupendous. It was a mix of band of horses and animal collective. As the colors in the sky start to turn purpulish pink i realize im having a legit high in my dream. Which is crazy because its never been so intense and real,plus i had no idea i was dreaming. ( Usually your parents giving you drugs would be a deal Breaker. Nevertheless i continue listening to the amazing yet unknown band and all of a sudden i black out. Like literally everything goes dark for what seems like a few hours and i wake up in my bed.. The feeling ı woke up with was as if i had taken a hard drug ( ıv tried other things aswell).. i walked out of my room and all of a sudden found myself in a airport with the ecstasy still in my pocket. I THOUGHT I HAD WOKEN UP FOR REAL. And thats the wierd thing about the dream. I black out and wake up in my room thinkin its real life when its still a dream. So a few activities pass and i wake up for real in awe. Its was unbeliveable..

All the fun today was in the hypnagogia. Not a whole lot to this dream, so I'll go into detail about the ecstasy. But wow... what an intense and pleasurable experience it was!

I start having euphoric flashes that can best be described as that slight pleasant feeling you get in your head when you just wake up and are about to get out of bed. I get the feeling they are heavily-oxygen dependent as they come only when I'm breathing in. I've long since recognized these as a precursor to a lucid dream, and even better, ecstasy.

The ecstasy comes and doesn't last the normal 5-15 seconds; instead, it continues at an intense level for at least a minute. At points it starts to fade away as it offshoots into tingling sensations down the spine into the body, but I suppress the tingling, avoid waking up, and the ecstasy picks back up again.

Tom Petty's "You Don't Know How it Feels" is playing on Pandora, and the nerves in my brain start to pulse to the tune of the music, with a full body pulse at "roll another joint." I see my phone and start to dive into it. I am now on a forum where something called "AE" is being discussed, which apparently has to do with having negative thoughts. Sometimes I feel like the dreams are trying to train me to have only positive thoughts (imagine if your body responded to your conscious thought: "Stop my heart" wouldn't be the best thing for you).

After I wake up, Muse's "Undisclosed Desires" starts to play. Would've enjoyed feeling the pulsing to the tune of that slap bass.

Euphoric flashes into ecstasy. It got pretty intense today.

I feel myself get out of bed, open the door, and leave my bedroom, all while not seeing anything and still feeling as if I'm lying down at the same time. Only when I reach the laundry room do I start seeing things. It's dark in there and I'm searching for J (gotta remember to do Mindraker's password next time). I walk a bit farther in and find her, but she's a zombie and comes after me. I throw her in the wash, able to fit her, and shut the door and turn it on.

The dream starts over and I get out of bed to look for J again. She's outside on the deck, and I walk up to her and chat for a bit, about what I'm not sure.

The dream starts over again and J is in my room. We start making out, then I see me making love to her so I don't get to feel anything. Unfortunate.

I'm in an apartment, and I turn out to be roommates with Brian, the dog from Family Guy. He goes on about how we have to stop Bugsy, an outlaw pug.

I now find myself in an epic battle to stop a demonic summoning. The man who holds the key to where the demon will be arriving attacks me, but is taken out by a stray arrow. I grab the key away from him. The tide of the battle is turning our way, so I decide to make it interesting. I see five objects on the wall that I hookshot and pull out. Before anyone can stop me I rush down to the wall and insert the key in the appropriate hole in the middle of it. The wall comes down and...

Nothing. I walk into the room and see an elevator off to one side, so I figure the demon just hasn't taken the elevator yet. A few cohorts and I take the elevator down to an expansive dank, dark cave. While walking forward I am able to make out a fishy face in the mist, and this thing was huge. The size of a blue whale. The face opens its mouth and shoots its tongue at one of my comrades, wrapping it around him. I quickly chop off his head so he wouldn't have to suffer being eaten. I fly down to where the fish was and get a good look at him. It's a giant navy blue hagfish. It opens its mouth again to attack a comrade, but I knock her out of the way before it can feed on her. I see that the hagfish demon is sitting in a shallow pool of water, so I coax it to come after me. It starts to open its mouth again, and I back way up, out of its reach. It then rushes at me and when it reaches a certain point I come running after it and dive under its belly. I then thrust upward with my sword, raking it across its stomach, and I get a pleasant feeling as its insides wash down on me. Victory!

I'm back in my apartment and am getting congratulatory phone calls about what I accomplished. Brian is there handling some of the calls. He tells me there's something on TV he wants me to see. It's a program on Bugsy the outlaw pug's latest wrongdoing. Go figure.

Flashes of euphoria into ecstasy. Today's dream is about control, as I feel the pleasure in my brain there are sometimes neural offshoots down into my body that if I let get out of hand can wake me up. So I keep them short and sweet, never traversing past my shoulders.

I'm being chased by something up a giant curved hallway, with a step upward every few paces. I look back and see it's a kind of giant dragon/monster hybrid. I have something on my mind I want to ask, so I wonder out loud "How do we communicate with beings across the universe?" Last time the answer was that there's a special structure within our cells that allows us to do so. This time I am reading through some writing, come to the bottom, and see information on a dragon ring. I stop running and ask the dragon/monster about it, and it shows me a glowing cyan ring it's wearing. After it takes the ring off, the glow stops, but I put the ring on and the glow reappears. I notice the monster is gone, so I try communicating with it through the ring. It works!

I am gliding along a path in between 2 forests, with a clearing between the path and the forests. I am looking for T. I see her just ahead, but notice there are trees set up around her like bowling pins, and between me and those trees are giant bowling balls that could roll down and crush her if I'm not careful. I figure this is a way for the dream to test my level of control. I slow way down, gliding around the bowling balls. I walk around to the back of the trees, hook the one that's blocking her escape and pull it down, then invite her to walk out. She does and we head off down the path. We stop and get down and dirty. She's wearing a blue dress with a yellow skirt. I pull up the frills of her skirt to see she's wearing panties. I pull those off to the side, then have some middle-of-the-forest hero sex with her. I reach climax (only in the dream), then the dream ends.

There was a bunch more to this dream I wasn't able to recall.

This was a carrot-on-a-stick dream that had me chasing after something I have only seen a couple times before in my dreams.

I get out of bed, then walk outside. I request some rollercoaster ecstasy, but only get RE lite. In addition, as if to slap me in the face, it's accompanied by me falling through the earth into the pits of hell. I'm used to about anything in these dreams so I stay relaxed. Down there I see a monstrous form rising up out of a crouched position. I try to will it to be something cute and cuddly, but it brings its head into view and after I see 2 curved horns there can be no mistaking this for anything other than Diablo from the game (which I hadn't played in 10 years). I shoot a ball of fire at him that he easily stops with one outstretched clawed hand. He fires it back at me and I slice at it, expecting it to break up; instead, it stops mid-flight. The dream moves on before our fight could reach its conclusion.

I am at a beach now, where a girl with big boobs (probably fake) is walking by. I say hi to her, disrobe her bikini, then suck on one for a couple of seconds, then bring her to the ground. After giving her about 5 seconds of oral, the dream moves on. A man just can't get satisfaction.

I've seen unbelievable cityscapes of St. Louis a couple of times before, so I ride along in a car to downtown. It's nighttime. I can barely catch a glimpse of the city, missing the arch (or 2 arches as it has happened), before we move on to an apartment complex, which looked pretty cool in itself. I get out of the car and start heading back to the city, using a hookshot to get around. Over every roof I expect to see that breathtaking cityscape, but over every roof I only just see something, maybe a rollercoaster peaking or a tall, somewhat curved building bathed in dazzling lights.

I walk inside one of the buildings blocking my view and jump up into the ceiling, digging like a rodent to reach the top. I quickly see an overview of my area and notice someone digging down to stop me. Back in 1st person, I find that our tunnels have reached each other, and his was wide enough to hookshot up. A muscular Homer Simpson joined me along the way, contributing nothing. At the top I was hoping for the city, but a fog had settled in the meantime! Ugh. I saw a bridge and knew this was it, once I get past that I would get my spectacular view. The man who was trying to stop me appeared and I just run past him yelling "You can't even appreciate this anyway, you're probably only semi-lucid!" I step foot on the bridge and...

...I get kidnapped. My vision turns to tunnel vision, where there is blackness all around except for a small circle. I look about and slowly deduce that I'm on a boat in a swamp with a large rickety house on an island in the middle of it. I'm taken inside to the kitchen and my vision returns to normal. I find a box of cereal and grab it, munching on the food to console my disheartened self. One of the kidnappers uses telekinesis to draw the box away from me and I use telekinesis to get it right back, so I can eat while I continue to brood.

I am now back at my house. I realize there's a pool now and think "Oh cool" right before I am thrust backward like in karate movies where someone is punched super-hard. I take control now and start flying, making my way back to St. Louis until I decide willing myself there would be faster. I arrive just short of the same bridge as before, but it's up on a terrace so I have to hookshot up a few ledges. At least this time there's no fog to deal with. I walk through 2 brick monuments on either side of the entrance to the bridge, then find out I have a bit farther to go as the bridge arcs upward and I can't see past it's peak. I move pretty quickly hookshotting the sides of the bridge, then...

I wake up.

I love dreams that make no sense. Carrot, you are in this dream!

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[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]The first thing I recall is being in my apartment, though Isuspect activities happened in the dream before that. My apartment has brownshaggy carpet and a narrow window that extends from floor to ceiling. A shaftof sunlight comes in through the window and illuminates the floor and a smalltable.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Next to the small table is a soft chair and I sat down touse the phone. I call the pharmacy, because I want to get some ecstasy for meand my friend. Knowing that they will never just give it to me without a goodreason I invent a story that I am a war veteran with post-traumatic stressdisorder. I had heard about a local veteran being stressed and this seemed likea believable excuse.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]The pharmacy never doubted my story for a second. Feelingtriumphant, I left my apartment and got into my car to head up the hill. I’venever had a pharmacy perched high on a hill before but this seemed like a goodplace for one in my dream.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Walking in I notice it looks like most pharmacies; clean,white, and filled with overflowing shelves of health products. I walk rightpast all these and up to a counter where a pharmacist is leaning over on hiselbows.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]“I’m here to pick up a couple of prescriptions.” I say tothe man, who shows no specific interest in me.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]He asks for my name and I tell him. He turns to his shelfand brings me one of the two scrips I phoned in. He then turns to his computerto check something, making me wait a moment while he figures something out. Hishead is down and he is not observing me.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Finishing with the computer task he obtains my prescriptionand starts counting out pills. One by one he moves them along a blue tray andinto a catch area, counting out loud as he goes.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]“Half of these are full strength and half of these are goingto be half-strength. You understand?”[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]“Oh, Yes, I understand.” I wasn’t about to argue this point.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Looking up at me, he suddenly asks, “So, why do you need aprescription for ecstasy anyway?” [/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I think OH SHIT! I hadn’t really thought this perfectlythrough. I had my reason, but I certainly didn’t look the part. I NEED TO PLAYTHIS UP A BIT, I thought.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Placing my hand on my head and acting uncomfortable I said, “It’sbeen so difficult lately to get by.” I glanced up and shuffled my feet asthough I had a limp. I was doing my best to make him think I was the troubledwar veteran. [/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]The pharmacist just gave me a non-committal look, as thoughnothing I said mattered to him. He slightly shrugged his right shoulder andsimply said, “Okay.”[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]If he hadn’t turned right then to head into the back of thepharmacy, he would have seen the look of relief wash over my face. I couldn’tbelieve he actually bought it. [/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]The pharmacist hadn’t been gone for even a minute before Ibegan to doubt myself. Perhaps he was in back calling the police. Maybe he wastalking to his boss about me. I had to find out.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Deciding the only way to find out was to go where he had, Iwalked around the counter and down a hall towards a back room. Opening the doorI walked right in on the pharmacist and his partner, the other pharmacistworking in the store. Their white coats were gone and it was evident that theyhad been having butt sex.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I stuck my hands in the air defensively and said, “Hey, whoa!I didn’t mean to walk in on you. I know how much you like butts. I like butts,too!” [/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]The two just looked at me but never said anything. It wasclear that I should just leave. I grabbed the bottle of medicine located on thelamp table to my left and exited quickly.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Walking through the pharmacy I went ahead and took one ofthe ecstasy pills. I was hurrying, knowing it was lucky I even got themedicine. I uttered a huge sigh of relief when I was through the doors andoutside, knowing my chances of getting away from there with my prize were stillremote.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]The taste of the pill is barely noticeable, but already Ican feel the effects of the drug in a mild way. The sensation is more like theanticipatory build-up to a drug experience than the actual effects of the drug.Still, it’s enough to get me excited as I get behind the wheel of my car andstart the engine. I feel exhilarated as I put the car in reverse and begin toback up.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Glancing off to my left side I notice my friend has arrived,clearly on his way to the pharmacy to pick up his prescriptions. Like me, hewas supposed to pick up one legitimate prescription and one bottle of ecstasythat I had ordered for him. I decided I needed to talk to him before he made itinside so I pulled the car through the lot and parked along the curb near hisapproach path.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I had to roll down my window to get his attention. “Hey,dude!” I got him to come closer to me so I wouldn’t have to shout.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]“Yeah?” Something about his voice always sounded like he hadhis hands in his pockets and it didn’t matter what you told him, the answerwould always be something non-committal. Indeed, his hands were in his pockets,and the slouch of his body suggested he had the weight of the world on his shouldersbut he was used to it being there and he was just trying to get through hisTuesday.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]“Listen, I know I got you into this and you don’t have toget the prescription for ecstasy if you don’t want to, just please, don’t fuckme on this! That’s all I ask!”[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]He took this in stride as though I had asked him to addfabric softener to the laundry load. He simply said, “Okay.” [/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]“Okay.” I watched him walk away towards the pharmacy. As heentered the sliding doors I pulled away from the curb and onto the road whichled back down the hill.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I felt so light, so free, and I began speeding down theroad, faster than was probably safe. The road was wet and had several spotswhere the pavement flattened out before dropping off sharply, causing me tocatch air and land with a bump strong enough to make me wish I had slowed downa little. Still, I was making good time and was nearly at the bottom.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]The slope of the hill eased and became a mostly flat roadthat ran along a wide creek or small river. The water was contained bycobblestone walls from which people would hang their poles out over the waterand attempt to catch the fish-of-the-day. Mostly it was just a bunch of oldpeople that liked to get together and talk about sex.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I went speeding by all these guys in my car, driving rightinto their fishing lines and equipment as though I belonged there more thanthey did. I upset several fishermen as I tangled their lines together and gotthem caught up under my wheels, though I didn’t come to a stop until I reachedthe end of the waterway, at which point the road made a sharp turn to the left.This is where I finally parked my car and got out, handing a net and some thickfishing line to the man who was standing closest to me. He was still yelling atme with his thick accent as I walked off through a nearby park and beyond to arestaurant with outdoor seating.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I strode right up to a long table about chest high where Ifound my mom waiting for me. I hop up onto a barstool type seat and beginlooking over the menu, telling her I’m glad to see she came. I briefly considertelling her about the ecstasy I consumed, but think better of it and decide notto a split second before my dad shows up. [/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I had not expected my dad to come to the dinner, and mydispleasure should be obvious. I’m clearly scowling and hunkering down in mychair like I didn’t want him to talk to me. I was bothered by everything abouthim, from his odd-looking beard to his Nehru jacket which seemed so out ofplace for this day and age. I wanted him to leave.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]He converses with my mom for a moment and she is polite tohim. As he excuses himself to visit the bathroom I ask her how she can havepatience for him and his act. She says something motherly about how time haspassed and I accept her answer.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Realizing I need to go to the bathroom also I excuse myself,and as I walk from the table I find my mom needs to use the restroom also. Aswe approach the bathroom and the unusually long line I find I am standing nextto Carrot and we are talking while we wait for available stalls. We haven’teven entered the bathroom yet, still standing outside in the cold with aboutten other strangers who all need to pee. I start giggling about something andthis sets Carrot into a smiling fit.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]When free stalls finally open up we go running in to use thebathroom, our bladders overly full with piss from our beers. I don’t recallactually using the toilets but we came out pretty quick and went straight todrying our hands, skipping over anything to do with water or soap. The DysonAir Blade by the door warms up our hands in the cold air.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Walking out I pass the line for the men’s room and everyonein it is wearing lumberjack plaid, almost like what you’d expect if it was aplaid holiday. Some men even sported coonskin hats and thick gloves, though theweather didn’t seem cold enough for such accessories. I laughed with Carrot aswe ran away and back towards our table.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]And then I woke up.[/FONT][/SIZE]
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Ecstasy Field Trip

I've just done ecstasy somewhere. I'm in Barnes and Nobles, a bookstore. I "forget" that I'm on ecstasy and just feel really, really stoned. My school is here and we're on some kind of field trip.

I'm being shown a science demo. An older guy is holding a glass full of some kind of liquid. When he tips the glass a certain way, the liquid drips out the bottom in a gelatinous manner. He tells me to touch it but I'm really sicked out by it and a little afraid.
Where the magazines usually are in the store, there is a big empty floor. A few people are sitting around in a circle. I stay here and enjoy how stoned I am until a lady who seems to be in charge of the whole thing tells us to go to the Blank Journals Section.
I follow the crowd into an area with the sections: blank journals, pseudo science, and Japan. We form a circle around these shelves. I'm standing next to the Japan books but I want to be by the pseudo science books so I make a little leap around the shelf to do so.

Suddenly I remember I'm on ecstasy and go over to a music box. It's playing really soft music. I wonder how different music will make me feel so I press a little square with fractal album work on it. I don't hear the music change and feel no different.



I walk around to the children's book section. The mentally disabled kids are hanging out here. A teacher begins to laugh at me and says I have an overbite. I realize that my teeth are hanging out of my mouth. It feels like I had fake plastic teeth over my real teeth for a long time and now I'm conscious of my actual mouth. It's bizarre and the feeling doesn't go away.


Homeless Shelter

I have no body or consciousness. I am watching my dream.

My friend Pehry is in the homeless shelter. He's fighting with another boy. The boy says he wants to have a physical fight downtown in a half hour, and Pehry goes along with it. There's a mediator, an older women. She doesn't make him say no, and follows him as he walks downtown.

I am now myself. I am walking around near the homeless shelter. I'm with Heather. Under my arm I'm carrying several rolled up colorful mats. We're dropping them off here.

Heather is afraid to go in so I walk up to the place. I remember that it's only available for homeless people to go into at night, so I wonder if I can get in. I knock on the door and it swings in my direction, locking me between the door and the outside wall. It swings back in, I hop over the other way and knock again. I enter.

A few ladies are here cleaning the place. It smells like cat litter. There's a calendar with a family photo as the month's picture. One lady comes up to me and asks what I want, politely.

I explain to her I have a few "yoga mats'' she can have for the shelter. She replies rather excitedly but then questions if she needs them. I realize they aren't yoga mats but actually mats for sitting on while you draw with chalk outside. You put the chalk on the mats so the pieces don't roll away. I don't tell her this.


The Mansion

For whatever reason, I am walking into a big mansion home owned by a girl I went to high school with briefly. I'm wearing my hat really strangely but don't seem to mind.

She greets me like we were really good friends and I do the same to her. We walk around her house and I ask her if it's haunted. She says "sometimes". Her boyfriend is a really gangster dude, very unlike her, and walks around us to go to the bathroom. She lets me wander around her house.

I look up the stairs that are in front of me and see the silhouette of the bathroom. I see a rat fall out of her boyfriend's jeans. I go over to her and tell her this. When he flushes the toilet, the rat falls down the pipe and lands in a box under the stairs. She "changes reality" and when I open the box, its just an outline of the rat. She kind of winks at me.

I get a ride home from here with Jack and Heather. The road is really torn up and we hit all the bad sections at high speeds, making us airborne for a moment. He drops me off at home.

I play the sims and make the Brady Bunch's house. The girl calls my phone and asks if I want to hang out, but its like 11 at night and I don't have a ride. I tell her this and feel really bad.

Number One (a fail): There were a lot of little earthquakes happening, and this was a sign that the Big California Earthquake was going to come. I prepared for it, but then the dream drifts from memory and I went to the next one.
2.) I was at the beach, on something like spring break, and was playing volleyball. I was talking to various friends during the volleyball match. The game got very out of control and a teacher from my school was there and tried stooping it. The place then took on the appearance of the Target near my house, but was still the beach at the same time. My friend Jesse was talking about having a gun that made trees grow out of whatever you shot it at. I got the gun from him, and fired a few test shots. The shot from the gun was invisible, but also orange at the same time. I attacked somebody and it killed them and made a small tree grow out of them. I fired at the tree that grew out of them and grew into a massive size.
3.) Was at a school that wasn't my school and I was in class. The teacher kicked me out, and sent me to the school library. Walking over to it I talked to a few random people. Forgot the rest.

Morning of April 3, 2010. Saturday.



This has been recurring to some extent for years, so I might as well include a partial scene of it.

I am seemingly on the highest floor of a tall apartment building, though it could be a fancy hotel as I do not think I live there permanently (though if I am in transit, I am not sure of the “before” and “after” locations, either). Looking out from the window, it is higher than all other buildings by several floors. I am not sure of the location or even the country. It is later at night, perhaps near eleven o'clock and there is a strong and steady rain but only mild thunder and lightning. At times, it almost seems like the building is part of a different (higher) dimension, but unlikely, as if it were it would look completely different and not be discernible as a building unless its higher construct was some sort of enigmatic implied 4D hyper-polyhedron that looked like a building from one point of 3D view (or rather the inside of one) - a better term would be an alternate three-dimensional structure in a parallel world, with the window being the portal, I suppose.

There is an enhanced sense of intimacy, of lovemaking (symbolic). This is of a different nature and at far more than one level. I move to the window (which has no screen), being half in the room and half outside. I sit on the window sill after rigging a makeshift seat along one side with a larger pillow folded somewhat L-shaped (because it is a sliding window and the base with the runners would be a bit uncomfortable to straddle directly), my left side evenly staying in the semi-lit warm room and my right side exposed to the cool outside, but the heavier rain is partially tamed by the (unseen) features of the building, it seems - whatever rain drops reach me are like cold forces of physical bliss - almost bordering on “unbearably sweet”. Outside the window is some sort of balcony - with a solid barrier about waist-high, ahead from where I am facing, the balcony has normal access from a door to outside.

I still get a very light awareness of being between worlds or taking “my world” into the exotic and beautiful construct of another, though technically I am not certain if all of this world is as one domain. Still, it seems more intimate and body-wide than an actual act of lovemaking - sort of as an act of joining one physical world to another with my body and overall presence as the “bridge”, due to the whole body being involved in a half and half experience of different sensual cues. I suppose it is hard to describe and I even sway side to side very slightly. This awareness seems to come and go in a strange way, between absentminded ecstasy and a puzzlement as to my present position and what my next event will be or need to be. I deliberately try to be perfectly half and half, although my legs are in different positions each side - no effect on my head in a physical sense other than a slight tingling on one side that does not grow in intensity. I do not really want to leave. I want to be here always and I want the cold hard rain to evenly fall always. Always night and always a semi-lit room to my left. This seems to be some sort of Yin and Yang state where I am both at the same time.

I am reminded of an unusual “trick” where you have your hand and upper arm in cold water on one side and hot water for the other hand, and then switch hands after a time - it is a very strange experience as if the mind cannot deal with the changeover.

Morning of October 8, 1990. Monday.



Three different postal addresses represented (over time) my childhood home in Cubitis in reality. There was was the original “General Delivery” where you claimed your mail at the post office by name only, without any identification. It was a small town, so I guess people trusted each other for the most part, although it was probably more realistic to say you were known by all (to a point). After this, we had “PO Box 29” at the post office. Finally, it was “Rural Route 4 Box 504”, established by a mailbox across the highway in front of Karen and Kenny’s house. I am “sorting” these memories out in my mind and moving into a different “realm” - “living in Cubitis in-dream” even though I was living in La Crosse at this time.

Finally I settle on some sort of “new” connection with Brenda W. I had not seen her in reality since 1977. This was before I had done extensive dream work and discovered overwhelming evidence that Brenda W was, since early childhood, a “stand-in” archetype for my real wife-to-be, who was also typically represented by an implied tulpa or “imaginary girlfriend” (with every single unlikely aspect matching my wife-to-be exactly including the mixed Magyarorszagi Romak and Australian accent and heritage - the only girl I have ever directly known with this mix - though I am sure there are many others in the world). I am not entirely sure why Brenda W was “selected” (by who knows what forces in the universe) to be the “stand-in”. There was not that much of a resemblance, really, other than dark, somewhat curly hair and a loose association (on Brenda’s part) with Roma (or Hungarian gypsy) culture. Brenda was not Roma.

There is a lot to consider - and it is a challenge to augment one’s attention towards several thousand dreams of a particular nature. Ever since I broke through into my realization of the “paranormal” (for lack of a better or more suitable term) nature of my life since birth with far more remote viewing and precognitive perspectives (eventually, even while awake) than not (as well as the continuous meaningful synchronicity), it has put me into a rather “unusual” life path (by typical mainstream perspective only - I no longer seriously associate the unexplained as unusual) as well as in regard to my continuous bafflement with humanity itself (which I consider far more unexplainable than the so-called paranormal). Before the “Blue Sun” dream, I could still ponder if Brenda had become a stand-in for my “imaginary” wife-to-be (that was validated to be real about six months from this dream) due to a (lesser or forgotten) conscious choice - simply to “fill the gap”. My “mystery girl” however, turned out to be real.

In my dream, there is one scene where I see an adult Brenda W (or who I assume to be her as I had never seen her as an older adult) at the end of a checkout at Tinsley’s IGA. She smiles at me and I am aware that she is a poet and that we are apparently crossing paths again for whatever reason. (Brenda never really wrote poetry, though my wife is a published poet.) There are remembered lines in my own unfolding in-dream poem (not in any competition with her poetry but more like some sort of ode), one being “like blue lightning from your fingertips” which is directly relevant to Brenda somehow, seemingly related to her emotions and my memory. Reflecting on this line from the (fictional) poem seems to resonate with the real-life memory of when we played around with static electricity where you shuffle along and then touch someone to create the larger bolt of static “lightning” which more often than not is slightly painful. In my dreams, this effect came to be far more pronounced and was not painful and at times seemed more related to spirituality, even healing, than solely a physical effect.

In the last scene of my dream, I walk out into my backyard in Cubitis and notice a huge blue sun in the sky, to the east. In this particular dream, it is several times bigger than the real sun (though it is not implied to be hotter in-dream). It seems almost like a dominant spiritual force and “blessing” of some kind from the universe itself and I feel very enriched and optimistic at this point. I seem to be the only one around at the time. I wake in near-ecstasy with the “blue sun” pulsating in my left eye - and I still see it to this day, usually only when awake and more alert, and it always brings an astoundingly peaceful essence. (Other people who have experienced this call it the “blue dot”, Blue Pearl, or “blue angel” though I now see it as the primary foundation of the Merkaba, which eventually begins to rotate in a cone shape.)

This had interesting real-life continuity, though there were a number of other dreams that far more clearly defined what was coming in my life to an extent that was far more dominant than most earlier experiences (other than perhaps M’s death). I eventually learned the “mystery girl” aka “imaginary girl” was a real person and she became my wife, first making contact in March 1991.

After my blue sun dream, and without having mentioned it, my brother-in-law Bob looked startled in the living room one day, claiming he saw a “blue flame” around my head and shoulders. This is especially curious since he had never said anything remotely like that in the past - and in addition - he could not have known of my dream, and there is also the fact that he never had the slightest interest in unexplained events or cared anything at all about dreams prior to that. His life was mostly factory work, television, and fishing, and little else - and he also could not read.

Again, to this day, I still see the “blue sun” when awake, in the left field of my vision. Sometimes it is bright enough to “cancel” my real sight (and leave a whitish afterglow), but more often it is like a fleeting single blue “pulse” about the size of a star (though does sometimes repeat a few times at various “distances” and “magnitudes”) - it always brings a blissful sensation and has never been connected with anything negative. It seems directly related to some forms of telepathy and precognitive awareness. Again, I have learned that other people have experienced this, all with similar associations, and I have grown to call it “The Blue Pearl” as some others have.

As written of before, its first main appearance was as a “blue flame” around Susan R, but this was mostly an isolated event. This was the dream where I “went off with Brenda W instead - to the east”. It does seem part of the “eternity bridge” association I had recently written extensively on. In the long run, it seems to be linked with a “higher dimension” that many are not aware of. The two more “extreme” experiences with it while awake was one where it transformed into two somewhat pyramidic “blue tornadoes” (one inverted over the other and turning in the opposite direction, curiously demonstrating the Coriolis effect and the fact my wife and I grew up in opposite hemispheres by both north/south and east/west references) and the other was like suddenly seeing a “giant paramecium” with the hypnopompic-like tank-tread effect - which was the “closest” it had ever been.

Seeing this light or “flash” is not like seeing something in front of me. It is, in fact, like seeing a reflection of something that is behind me or more specifically within my mind in the reversed holographic reflection of the environment. The “blue tornadoes” event was seemingly triggered by just touching my wife on the arm. The essence of the Source is a true mystery - something that has remained primarily unchanged and which others have noted, though I still cannot say what the mechanism behind it is.