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I had another car dream last night set at granddads house. This is the first time I have had once since last week, and was the longest I have been without any since the dream started a few weeks ago.

The dream last night followed the same pattern as the others I have had recently. The main change I noticed in last nights dreams from the earlier ones was that it was much more uncomfortable riding in the middle than in any of the other ones and it was really bothering me and getting me on edge that my mom and sister were both pressed-up against me and seemed to be repeatedly invading my space while I was stuck between them.

While my sister and I were in the car waiting on mom to come out and get in, I could always feel her body pressed up against my right side. She repeatedly would put her head on my shoulder and her face right my mine. When I kept trying to get her to stop talking about granddad and how he was near death, she wrapped her arm around me so I couldn't ignore her and kept getting right in my face.

When mom finally got in the car, I had her body pressed-up against my left side and my sister pressed-up against my right and I felt really squished. While she was trying to get the car started, both she and my sister kept invading my space telling me I needed to calm down, which just made me feel more trapped and on edge while I was stuck between them.

When mom discovered I had dog poop on my shoe, I first had to deal with her getting in my face and getting after me for stepping in it and not noticing it while my sister was in my other ear talking about how gross it was and how bad it smelled. I had to keep dealing with her invading my space and whining about how bad it stunk while we waited in the car for mom to clean my shoe.

When mom got back in the car, and I though she had finally been able to get the car started she leaned in front of me to adjust the mirrors while my sister invaded my space to change the radio to her favorite FM station and then started singing along to the song playing. I felt really uncomfortable having both of them in my personal space.

I woke up for them dream right after mom discovered the car had cut off when nothing happened when the put it in gear and pressed down on the accelerator. My sister was leaning into my space while mom was turning the key and nothing was happening.

I think this was definitely the most uncomfortable I have felt riding in the middle in any of the dreams I have ever had and really felt that I had no personal space and was squished between my mom and sister.

I had the car dream again last night.

In last night's dream, the things I remember the most were the following:

I again tried to argue with mom when she told me to go and get in the car and buckle-up in the middle seat. She was really snippy and quickly snapped at me and told me that if I said anything else to her about it that she would walk me to the car and buckle me into the middle seat herself. When she said this I decided it was best to go and and to what she said and walked out to the car and go in and scooted over to the middle seat and put the lap belt around my waist.

After I had been waiting in the car for a couple of minutes, my sister was opening the passenger side door and sitting down next to me in the passenger seat. When she closed her door and buckled-up, her body was pressed against mine and it made me feel really uncomfortable while we waited in the car for mom. While we waited she kept wanting to talk about how she felt about granddad being sick and dying and trying to get me to share mine. Sometimes she would comment on how bad it stunk in the car and accuse me of doing something like tooting to cause it. As we sat in the car and waited, I saw our reflection in the windshield and felt totally humiliated that I was so much taller than her yet she was riding by the window and I was stuck in the middle.

Eventually, mom opened the driver side door and sat down on my other side. When she closed her door, her body was also pressed against mine and I felt squished and smothered with my mom pressing against my left side and my sister against my right side.

When mom was getting ready to turn the key to start the car, she noticed something stunk in the car and asked us about it. My sister told her I had been tooting and I told her that it was something in the back seat. Mom then tried to get the car started and I asked to be let out after it became obvious it didn't want to start. Mom snapped at me and told me she was in charge and doing the best she could and that I would stay buckled in my seat. While she was getting in my face telling me to calm down, she started sniffing and said she thought it smelled like poo and asked if I could have stepped in dog poo. I bent down and checked my shoes and noticed I stepped in something.

I then asked my sister to let me out so I could clean off my shoe, but as I was reaching to undo my seatbelt, mom grabbed it and told to give her my shoe and she would clean it. She said she wanted me and my sister to stay buckled in the car. I tried to explain to her it would make more sense for me to get out and clean my own shoe so she could keep working on trying to get the car started. She then got back in my face again and snapped at me about not watching where I was stepping and not noticing I had stepped in poo. She also reminded me she was in charge again.

When she got out of the car, I took off my shoe and handed it to her. She then told me that I needed to act my age and be calmer when she got back so she could concentrate on getting the car started. She then closed us back in the car and walked towards granddads house to go and clean my shoe.

While we waited in the car for her, my sister kept telling me how gross it was that I stepped in poo and asking me why I didn't think to get out of the car and check my shoes when I first noticed the car stunk. I woke-up from this dream while she was whining about how bad the car smelled and and telling me how gross it was.

I think this is the first time in this new dream where I have woken-up from it before mom go back to the car and the battery went dead.

I had the car dream that I have started having again last night. The things I remember most from last nights dream were arguing with mom when she told me to go get in the car and when the car had the dead battery.

When mom told me to get in the car and buckle-up in the middle, I first tried to argue about sitting in the middle trying to explain to mom that my sister could handle the middle better than me since she was younger/shorter/smaller than me but mom snapped at me that is was my sisters day to choose her seat today and that I got to have the font seat in her car yesterday and would get to choose my seat again tomorrow. When I then tried to explain that it would be really embarrassing for me to have to ride between them she told me that was the craziest thing she had ever heard and that she was sure no-one would noticed how we were seated.

I then tried to talk mom into letting me and my sister go to the park that was a few blocks away rather than waiting in the car for her. I tried to convince her that this would be a better idea and that she could just come to the park and pick us up whenever she was done at granddads. She told me that she didn't think this was a good idea because she wasn't sure how much longer before she would be done and that the park was not on our way home. I kept trying to convince her to let us go to the park until she finally got tired of hearing it and got in my face and reminded me that she was in charge and that I was to get in granddads car and buckle-up in the middle seat now. She said she couldn't understand why I was making such a big deal about riding in the middle and waiting in the car, but that I needed to get a better attitude. I then went out and got in the car.

While waiting with my sister, I remember she kept wanting for us to talk about granddad and share our feelings about him being sick and in the nursing home. I kept trying to get her to talk about something else, but this was all she wanted to talk about and the kept brining it up again whenever I tried to change the subject and kept trying to get me to share my feelings which I did not want to do.

Once mom finally got in the car, I remember she was really snippy when she discovered the car had cut off when she tried to put it in gear. When I tried to keep telling her I thought the car was in drive and needed to be put in park in order for it to start, she would snap at me and get in my face and tell me to calm down, that she was doing the best she could. I kept trying to tell her this is why nothing was happening when she turned the key, but this just made her more frustrated and she ignored what I was trying to tell her.

When the battery went dead after mom discovered the car was out of gear and tried to start it once she put it in park. I kept trying to talk her into letting me and my sister get out of the car while she looked for a jump start. I woke-up from this dream while mom was in my face telling me that she was in charge and that me and my sister were to stay buckled-up in the car. She was making it clear that I would not like what would happen if I did not do what she wanted me to do.

In this dream, I really felt a lack of control as no matter what I tried to suggest or ask for I was stuck buckled to the middle of the front seat of granddads car.

Over the last week, I have had some new vivid dreams involving me riding in granddads reliant with my mom and my sister. These dreams are different than the ones I was having last year as these are set at granddads house after he had to go to a nursing home and mom was trying to get his house ready to sell. These take place when I was 14 years old, about a year before the dreams I was having last year which were set in my parent’s driveway the spring after granddad died. Like the earlier dreams these appear to be a stuck dream that always follows the same chain of events.

The dreams I have had so far start with me playing in the backyard of granddads house. The yard looks just like I remember it looking when he had to go to the nursing home. Everything looked really overgrown and unkept rather than perfectly manicured since he had been too sick to keep up with it for a while.

Eventually mom walks out of granddads back door and calls for me and tells me I to go ahead an get in granddads reliant. I ask why we are taking the reliant home since I thought Dad was picking us up, and she said he has a meeting and she had been wanting to move the reliant to our house anyway. I asked her how we could all fit in the reliant since she had the back seat loaded full of stuff and she reminded me it could fit 3 in the front seat and told me I was riding in the middle since it was my sister day to choose her seat and she wanted to be by the window. I asked if I could keep playing in the yard until she and my sister were ready to go and she snapped at me that she needed us out of her way for a little while and wanted me in the car NOW. That my sister would be right behind me and I needed to get in first since I was in the middle.

As I walk towards the car, mom reminds me to buckle-up. I then walk through the front yead to the tan reliant that was covered in pollen and parked on the street in front of granddads house. I open the passenger side door and the sat down on the tan vinyl bench seat and then close the passenger side door and slide over to the middle seat and fasten the tan lap belt around my waist.

As I sit in the car, I noticed that something really sinks but figure it’s either all of the stuff that mom had loaded into the back seat or that the car had been sitting for several weeks. It is really in pleasant waiting in the car, in addition to the unpleasant odor it’s really uncomfortable in the middle because the lap belt was snugly against my hips and my feet were stuck on the bump in the middle and my knees were bumping the a/c controls. I am mad mom is making me ride there since my sister is smaller than me and could get by better with less room.

After I had been waiting for a few minutes, my sister is walking down granddads front walk towards the car. She had the same hairstyle I remember her having at that time when she was 10 years old and is always wearing a pink dress and tan sandals she liked to wear back then. She opens the passenger side door and then sits down in the passenger seat then closes the door and buckles her seat belt. It’s even more uncomfortable waiting with her in the car, because her body was now pressed against mine.

We then have to spend what seemed like forever in the car waiting for mom to come-out. It seems like we have to wait a lot longer than we did in the dreams I was having last year at it was probably around 45 minutes to possibly an hour and is really unpleasant. While we sit and wait my sister always alternates talking about how bad the car smells and accuses me of tooting; rubbing it in that she got to choose the window seat and I was stuck in the middle; and wanting talk about how she fells about granddad being sick and dying and trying to get me to share my feelings on it. I try to change the subject whenever she talks about granddad, because it was too upsetting for me to think about or discuss but she just keeps bring it up again and again. She also keeps putting her head on my shoulder and smiling in my face while stretching her feet onto the glove box. I am super bored waiting for mom and kept focusing on my sisters sandals being the same color tan as the floor matts and glove box and blending in with them; the reflection of me and my sister on the windshield and passenger side window an how embarrassed it makes me feel that I was so much taller than her yet she is by the window and I am in the middle; and people walking their dogs down the street and hoping none of them saw me and my sister waiting in the car and noticed the embarrassing seating arrangement.

Finally, after what seemed like FOREVER, my sister says “I see mommy coming” and then turned my head to see mom locking the front door of granddads house and then walking around the back of the car to put something in the trunk. She closes the truck and then goes to talk to someone across the street from us. Eventually she unlocks the driver side door and then sits down in the driver seat on my left. I feel her body pressed against mine as she put the key in the ignition and then reaches behind me to put her purse in the back seat. I heard the annoying buzzing sound until she closes the driver side door. I felt really squished between my mom and sister with both of them rubbing against me.

Mom thens turn the key to start the car but it doesn’t want to start-up and after each failed crank there is the annoying buzzing sound and red lights on the dash. I get really uncomfortable being stuck between my mom and sister while mom keeps trying to start the car and it becomes obvious it is going to take a while. I start asking mom if I can get out. She just ignores me until eventually, she snapps at me and gets in my face and screams at me that I need to calm down; that she is doing the best she could; that if it won’t start it’s not a big deal because dad could pick us up on his way home; and that I WILL stay buckled in my seat until she tells me I can get out.

After she turns her attention back to trying to get the car started, she also notices that something really stinks in the car. My sister tells her that I have been pooting and I try to explain that it smelled before I got in. Mom says it smells like poo to her and tells me to check my shoes. I check them and discover I stepped in something. I ask my sister to let me out so I can clean them, but mom gets in my face and yells at me about stepping in poo and tells me to give it to her and she will clean it for me. I try to tell her I would rather get out and clean it myself so she can keep trying to start the car, but she snaps at me again and reminds me she is in charge and that she wants me to stay buckled in my seat. She is in my face telling me I need to calm down and have a better attitude when she gets back to the car as I take off my shoe and give it to her.

She then gets out and closes me and my sister back in the car while she disappears back into granddads house with me shoe. As I sit and wait in the car with my sister, she is telling me how gross it is that I stepped in poo and is now just whining about how bad the car smells and asking me why I didn’t check my shoes when I noticed something smelled before she even got it. I have to listen to this until we see mom walking back towards the car.

When mom opens the driver side door, she hands me a wet paper towel and tell me to wipe down the bump I had my feet on with it and then hands me my shoe she has cleaned after I give her the paper towel back. She then goes to put the paper towel in granddads trash can while I put my shoe back on.

Soon she is opening the driver side door again and then sitting back down in the driver seat. She starts pumping on the accelerator and turning the key. After several more cranks with the car not starting and hearing the annoying buzzing sound and seeing the dash illuminated with red lights, mom is finally able to get the reliant started. My sister immediately leans in front of me to change the radio from an AM news station to her favorite FM station and then turns up the volume and starts singing along to the song on the radio while mom is leaning over me to adjust the rearview mirror and then the passenger side mirror. It is really uncomfortable having them both in my space and it’s annoying having to hear my sister sing along to the radio.

Once mom has everything adjusted, she pulls the shift lever to put the car in drive but nothing happens when she presses on the accelerator. She checks to make sure the parking brake is not on and then reaches in front of me and turns of the radio and discovers the car knocked off. She starts trying to turn the key, but nothing happens except the buzzing sound and red lights on the dash. I notice the car is still in park and try to tell mom, but she snaps at me that she is doing the best she can and I need to calm down so she can concentrate on starting the car.

After several more cranks, she discovers that the car is out of gear like a tried to tell her earlier. She snaps at me again when I remind her I had tried to tell her earlier. She puts the car back in park and tries to get it started again. This time, the battery sounds weak and after a few cranks, the car just makes a rattling sound and the buzzing and red lights on the dash are fainter than they really are.

I reach to undo my seat belt, but mom snaps at me again and tells me that she is going to see if one of granddads neighbors can give us a jump start and says she wants me and my sister to stay buckled in the car. I usually wake up from the dream either arguing with mom about her wanting me to stay buckled in the car of after she has gotten out to look for a jump start. I do not know if she is able to find a jump start or if it works and we are able to drive the reliant home.

As these dreams have progressed I seem to be arguing with mom more about her wanting me to sit in the middle, wait in the car, and buckle-up when I get in. When I try to argue with her, she just gets angry and more assertive that she is in control/in charge and that I am to do what she says. So far, my arguing has not worked as mom always makes me go and get in the middle seat and buckle-up.

I am also trying to get more assertive about trying to get mom to let me out of the car when she is having trouble starting it, when she discovers I stepped in dog poop, and when the batter dies. However, this just makes her angry and she doubles down on her being in charge and that I am to stay buckled in my seat.

In these new dreams, I find riding in the middle much more uncomfortable both physically and emotionally than I did in the dreams I had last winter. In those dreams, it was like I was along for the ride and in these dreams I want to be anywhere other than riding in the middle of the front seat of granddads reliant. I feel physically uncomfortable because of the seatbelt fitting snug on my hips; my feet being stuck on the hump; my knees bumping again the a/c controls; and my sister and then mom being pressed-up against me. I feel emotionally uncomfortable because I find it really embarrassing that I am in the middle riding between my mom and my younger/shorter/smaller sister. It also makes me fell really uncomfortable being squished between them and not having any personal space.

If this dream keeps happening, I will try to start journaling changes I notice each time I have it to see if it starts moving in some other direction.

I had a dream last night was I was visiting some big city. I do not know what city it was, but it seemed to have landmarks from many big cities I have been in.

At the start of the dream, I was walking on an elevated trail that was like the High Line in New York. As I walked on it, I saw landmarks from many different US Cities. It seem like each time I would look in a different direction, I would see a scene that would make me think it was is a different US city.

After I had walked for a while, I came to a tall glass and steel building that was shaped like a pagoda where the elevated trail converged with other elevated trail and they were all like spokes going out from the pagoda.

I find out the pagoda is a museum and I decide to visit it. I walk around and fine an entrance into it, but a security guard standing by the door tells me that is the exit and points me towards a staircase and tells me I need to go down two levels to get to the entrance. I walk down two levels and then around the building like he told me, but then see there is a line stretching as far as I can see with people waiting to get in the museum. I decide I am not in a mood to wait and I will try coming back another day. I find another staircase and take it back up to the elevated trail I was walking on earlier.

When I get to the trail, I walk around the pagoda and try to figure out which direction I need to go. I walk around the outside of the pagoda a few times trying to remember which of the trails I took. I eventually see a sign pointing the trail to take to get to a mall, and I take that trail since I know my hotel is connected to a mall.

I walk for a while longer and then finally see the mall in the distance. When I get to the mall, there is a narrow black steel bridge with really low railings that connects the trail to the mall. I take my time walking on the bridge because I am worried about slipping and falling off of it. Although the bridge is wide enough for 2 or 3 people to walk on, it feels like I am walking on a tightrope and I am trying to be extra careful so I don’t loose my balance and fall off.

Eventually, I get to the end of the bridge and am in the mall. I find a mall directory and look at it to try to fine my hotel. I find a three hotels on the directory that are connected to this mall, but none are the Westin where I am staying. I see a mall security guard and ask him where the Westin Hotel is because I cannot find it on the directory. He starts laughing and the loudly announces that this is the Downtown Plaza Mall and the Westin is at the Uptown Plaza Mall. He laughs that I must have gotten really turned around and tells me it is about a 5-6 mile walk to get to the Uptown Plaza Mall where the Westin is.

As I walk away from him, a girl who looks to be in her late teens or early twenties approaches me. I am afraid she is going to ask me for money because she looks like she could be homeless with matted blonde hair and torn jeans. She says she overhead that I am trying to get to Uptown Plaza Mall and told me she and her mom are going there once they find their car, and they can give me a ride if I will help her look for the car. Before I have a chance to say yes or no, she calls her mom and tells her she has found a man who will help find the car if they give me a ride to Uptown Plaza. The girl then looks at the directory to try to figure out where they parked the car. In looking at the directory, I notice there are several different garages attached to this mall and the girl doesn’t have a clue which one they parked in. She says she and her mom are just checking all the garages until they find the car. She isn’t even sure which garages her mom is checking and which she is supposed to check.

We go to the closest garage and walk though all of the levels checking every parking spot, but the girl doesn’t see the car in any spaces. We go back into the mall and then find the next closest parking deck and walk though it. When we are on the 6th level, the girl gets really excited and says she has found the car. She then calls her mom and tells her she has found the car on the 6th level on the purple garage. She tells her mom where to find the car when she gets to that level and then says see you soon and hangs up the phone. She then leads me to a rusted tan 1970’s two door Oldsmobile with a cracked vinyl top which is covered with bumper stickers for different progressive causes. When we get to the car, I notice it is full of junk with just spots for the girl and her mother to sit. While the girl is trying to clear a spot for me by tossing stuff in the middle of the front seat to the back seat, I tell her that for the ride, but I can just walk so she doesn’t have to go through all of this trouble of making a spot for me in the car. She gets really offended and takes a break from cleaning out a space to ask if I am embarrassed to ride in the car. I tell her no, that I just hate for her to go through all of this trouble. She says it is no trouble and then goes back to cleaning junk of the tan vinyl bench seat.

When she finally has the front seat clean, she tells me to get in and points to the middle seat. She says she wants her mom to get to talk to me some and that she knows her mom will like me. I get in the car and scoot over to the middle seat and then she gets in the passenger seat and closes the door.

We then sit and wait in the car for a really long time for her mom. She call once and has gone to the wrong garage. We wait a while longer and then her mom calls again and again cannot find the car because she has gone to the wrong garage. After another long wait, her phone rings again and again her mom has gone to the wrong garage. This time the girl gets out of the car and I can hear her giving her mom landmarks to help her find the right garage. While the girl is out talking to her mom, I decide we are never leaving the garage and decide to go back to the mall and get an uber back to my hotel. When the girl gets off the phone, I tell her and she gets really offended and again thinks I am embarrassed to ride in their car and promises her mom will be to the car soon. I reluctantly get back into the middle seat and wait in the car with the girl. Her phone rings again, and I hear her tell her mom we are on the 6th level of the purple garage, not the green garage. We wait a while longer and then her phone rings again and I hear her tell her mom we are on the 6th level, not the 5th level. She tells me here mom is in the right garage and should be here any minute.

Soon a big disheveled woman with bleach blonde hair is opening the driver side door and sitting down in the driver seat. At first she seems oblivious that I am sitting next to her in the car and keeps ranting to her daughter about how hard it was to find the car. When she finally stops ranting, her daughter introduces her to me and reminder her they are giving me a ride to the Westin. I can tell this woman is bat shit crazy based on our brief conversation.

Eventually, the woman puts the key in the ignition and tries to start the car. After several cranks, I ask if the car is going to start and she tells me not to worry that it is always a process getting the car to start. While the woman keeps pumping the accelerator and turning the key without any success, I whisper to the daughter that I will just take an uber and ask her to let me out. She again gets really offended and tells me her mom will get the car started but it can take a while sometimes.

While I continue to sit between them while the mother keeps pumping on the accelerator and turning the key, I see her look down at my feet and then loudly tell me that she thinks I stepped in shit. I ask her or the daughter to let me out to clean my shoe, but they both tell me I can just clean it when I get there that they are not worried about their car being clean and that she wants to be able to go as soon as the car starts. I didn’t seem to bother either of them that I was sitting between them with shit on my shoe an I was stuck just sitting there with the shit on my shoe.

I work up from this dream still sitting between the woman and her daughter in the front seat of their old car in the parking deck and the woman trying to start the car but having no luck. I kind of felt like I was in the Sinefeld parking garage episode at the end of the dream because the car was hard to find and then wouldn’t start.

14.10.2020

Weird tree dream
There was something about trees and that apparently me and my mother and like a big community of people are turning into them and there was something about reincarnation. But my father realized something at the end of the dream and he killed us all while sad music played.

15.10.2020

Tiny lucid
There might be something about the series The Order. And then I had a moment of awareness, followed by me wondering about if I might be dreaming. And then I knew that I was, in fact, dreaming. I then tried stabilizing the dream somehow.

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Before I entered the lucid after waking up from a lot of dreams, I actually had the suspection that my next dream might be a lucid. Guess I was right lol

I rarely ever practice reality checks or awareness training anymore, though. I don't quite know a reason to lucid dream right now.

[27.09.2020]

Survival with Lucifer Morningstar
I am outside, and it's like a very realistic survival game that has mechanics like Rust, and you play it like real life. At some point it seems to be real life. We're outside, and there's cars and otherwise normal civilization but we, a group of me, Lucifer Morningstar from the series Lucifer and somebody else who might be my friend Steven. We go to a sort of tree house and start discussing in a heated argument what we need to survive.

[28.09.2020]

Entitled woman
I am in a sort of special room with a roommate which is a chubby woman who feels entitled for some reason and with my mother. It might be a sort of asylum, or maybe even a sort of bunker or something. She complains constantly what kind of TV program I watch. At some point we seem to get along well, and my mother comments on that but I make a remark that suggests it's not going to be for long.

---

That was weird.

Creepy red creature
I am a spectator of a woman living on a sort of high tower. She did something that will make some sort of demon monster come and run up the tower to kill her. She waits and it's suddenly there and throws her against a wall with rather whacky physics, like in a video game, and blood splatters everywhere. The creature looks somewhat like an enemy from SUPERHOT. Then suddenly it's like real and I am now on the tower and did something. I watch it in terror, it's running up the stairs to the tower and is there soon. Then suddenly it's in front of me and also throws me against the wall and kills me. Then I am at home, and my mother did something that made me think it will make it come up. I complain to her and she tells me she doesn't believe it. I think about how it even gets into houses, and I tell my mother to properly lock the door, but she takes her time and keeps telling me things, and when she finally goes to lock the door, it seems to be too late. But then nothing happened and for some reason my mother is gone. Then the dream fades a bit and apparently I'm lying in bed. I get a bit aware that I am dreaming and try to open my real eyes to wake up, but it doesn't really work and I can only open my dream eyes, so I build up confidence since I think that the creature might be right in front of me. But it isn't there, so I stand up to see the brightly lit, but way too silent room. Outside, it is very dark. Then I hear very loud breathing, coming from everywhere at once. It had to do something with my mother, and I really wanted to wake up. And, as I wished, it worked this time. At some point, there was also some game title screen with the title "Worry - The game".

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That was creepy. Quite a cool dream. Also good that I got a bit aware at the end there, but not aware enough to remember that I could change the scene instead of waking up. Sad that I lost the opportunity. Also, that "Worry - The game" part might be a pretty funnily obvious reference to how I feel every day.

I had a dream last night that seemed to be set in the current time. When the dream started, my sister and I were in my mom’s house and were taking stuff that had belong to my father that my mom had been hanging onto out of the house and loading it into the back of a pick-up truck that had been rented from U-Haul. We were working on cleaning-out closets that in current waking life are still full of stuff that belonged to him as well as going through dressers and pulling out clothes that could be donated to charity. My mom was in the house while we were taking stuff out of the truck, but wasn’t helping us with taking things out to the truck and sometimes would intercept me or my sister and question why we were getting rid of things rather than keeping them at her house. We kept trying to explain to her that it would be best to donate whatever we were carrying out at the time so that someone in need could use them rather than having them collect dust in the house. Most of them time, we were able to convince mom it was for the best to put the stuff in the truck to be donated rather than to hang onto it, but there was some stuff that mom was adamant that we hang onto.

Eventually, me and my sister had the bed of the truck loaded as full as it could be and were ready to take the load to a local charity to donate it. When we told mom that the truck was full of stuff, she told us to go ahead and get in the truck and that she would be out in a few minutes.

My sister and I then walked out of mom’s house to the new pick-up truck that had the U-Haul logo on it. When we got to the passenger side door, I opened it up and then stood off to the side so my sister could get in first. She didn’t take the hint and stood by the back of the truck. When I pointed to the bench seat, she told me it was her day to choose her seat and she wanted the window so I needed to sit in the middle. I get in the truck and put the grey lap and shoulder belt on and then my sister gets and buckled-up after closing her door.

Me and my sister then spend a long time in the cab of the truck waiting for mom to come out and drive us to take the stuff to donate. While we are waiting, my sister starts talking about our father and then starts trying to get me to share my feelings and talk about how I am doing dealing with things. I really do not want to talk about this as it is still too soon. As she keeps talking about this, her breath keeps getting worse and worse and is really overpowering and unpleasant to smell. I keep trying to change the subject, but she is fixated on talking about this so I am stuck listening to her talk about this and having to smell her breath. I stop responding to her, but she keep trying to get me to share my feelings and I keep having to smell her breath.

Eventually, we see mom walking out of the house and towards the truck. Rather than going to the driver side and getting I, she makes a beeline to the bed of the truck and starts going through the stuff that my sister and I have loaded in the bed while we sit in the cab and wait for her to get in. I see her take a handful of stuff from the bed of the truck back into the house. She does this several more times. Since the truck has electric windows, my sister and I cannot roll them down to try to stop mom and are stuck watching her take stuff we had loaded into the truck back into the house. While mom is doing this, my sister stops fixating on getting me to share my feelings on our fathers passing and we start taking about how frustrated we both are that it is so difficult getting mom to let go of anything. As we keep talking, my sisters breath no-longer smells really bad and I am able to have a conversation with her without even noticing it. The wait also doesn’t seem as bad as it did earlier in the dream since we are talking though things I find important.

While we are still talking, my sister elbows me and tells me mom is locking up the house and about to get into the truck and we need to stop talking about her. I then turn my head and see mom walking towards the cab of the truck and then unlocking and opening the driver side door. She then sits down in the driver seat on my left side and then closes her door.

While mom is working on getting the mirror’s adjusted, she accuses my sister and I of trying to get rid of some of our father’s stuff without asking her permission. As she keeps complaining to use, I notice her breath is even worse than my sisters was earlier in the dream. Mom keeps voicing her displeasure to use for several more minutes after she has the mirrors adjusted.

Eventually, she is done with her lecture and turns the key to start the truck. The battery sounds really weak and after a few cranks is completely dead. We all 3 get out of the truck and then mom decides this is some kind of sign that she is not supposed to get rid of dad’s stuff and tells my sister and I to take everything back into the house and put it where we found it. Both me and my sister have a really defeated feeling know that all of our work to go through our father’s stuff and get it donated to those who could use it was all for nothing and we now have to waste our time putting everything back in the house. I woke up from this dream while me and my sister were trying to talk mom into letting us donate some of the stuff that none of us would ever need and mom being insistent that we put it back where we found it.

I think this dream was definitely related to some real life frustration I am feeling with my mother hording all of my fathers stuff and refusing to deal with donating it to those who could really use it, especially in the current time when there are so many people in need.

Walking around the city for magic
I am walking around the city with my mother for some reason. We go through houses, and in the dream that confuses me, and I also had problems recalling how we even got into the house every time we entered one (I should've gotten lucid right there, ugh). At some point, it might have had something to do with the series Charmed. In some house I saw a girl play animal crossing, and her parents watched. They also seemed to like the game. My mother told me that they're filming the trailer. In an adjacent room or maybe adjacent house they're preparing to film some trailer about animal crossing that seems to be horror-themed for some reason. I remember already seeing the trailer. A girl sits on a couch and she just bends her head backwards as if she fell unconscious or something, and they'd zoom into her face and behind her is a TV playing a video on loop. It would be framed so that it would look like her unconscious face is floating in front of the images zapping by as creepy and intense music played, like House of Leaves from Kevin MacLeod. At the end I met my friend Steven on a sidewalk
and he looked pretty different. We were happy to see each other. My mother told us something. At some point I also got home with my father, half-naked for some reason. There were also some personal parts at some point.

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Got a bit closer to doing a mantra, but still forgot. I guess I am just too stressed, and will be for a long time, so I'll just try to do something.

Talking fragment
In the dream I seem to have woken up and am lying in my bed and my mother sitting close beside me and I start talking about some private important topic and she's surprised.

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Once again I forgot to do my mantra... sort of. I made progress. I was about to do my mantra but I forgot what it was and then forgot and fell asleep.

I had another car dream last night after not having any memorable dreams the night before. This was the 4th time in the last 5 nights I have had the dream.

In last nights dream, I again tired listening to my sister while we waited in the car for mom even though her breath reeked like it always does. Whenever my sister talked, what I heard her say were things reminding me that we were waiting in the car for mom and that she was in the window seat and I was stuck in the middle. I did not pick-up on her saying anything important. Just rubbing in how much she was enjoying riding by the window. At one point while we were waiting for mom, I turned around to look at the back seat and saw it was full of boxes so there was nowhere for me to sit back there. I eventually tuned out my sister and tried to ignore her because she wasn't saying anything important and what she was saying was just making the wait worse. She started putting her head on my shoulder and invading my space when I tried to ignore her.

When mom finally got in, she spent a long time trying to get the car started in the dream. Again, she kept telling me I needed to calm down while she was trying to get it started and said things like she was in control, she was doing the best she could, and that she would get the car started. I noticed her breath reeked whenever she was getting after me. She got out 2 or 3 times last night to look under the hood and each time made it clear that I needed to stay in the car and stay buckled to the middle seat. She seemed to get more and more frustrated about the car not starting as the dream went on. I woke up from the dream while mom was in the car trying to start it.

I had the car dream last night, the 3rd night in a row after not having it for few weeks.

I was already buckled to the front center seat of the reliant when the dream started and was by myself waiting for my mom and little sister.

Soon my sister was opening the passenger side door and then sitting down in the passenger seat to my right. She quickly closed her door then buckled the tan shoulder belt. Her breath stunk like it always does. A few times I heard her talk while we were waiting for mom, but I never heard her say anything that seemed important. When I tried to listen to her talk, I would hear her say things like "I just love being able to look out the window"; or "don't you wish you could stretch out you legs like I can" when she put her tan sandals on the glove box; or "isn't it fun that we both get to ride up front with mom"; or "mom will be out when she is ready, you need to be more patient". It seemed like everything she said just reminded me that we were waiting in the car and she had the window seat and I was stuck in the middle. I eventually started trying to tune her out, because I didn't like hearing what she was saying and couldn't completely ignore her breath when she talked. She kept invading my space again and putting her head on my shoulder when I tried to ignore her. I just wanted mom to come out of the house and get in the car so we could go. I kept looking towards the house to see if I could see mom, but every time I looked, she was nowhere to be seen.


When I was focusing on the tan steering wheel and the gauges on the dash, I hear my sister say "mommy is coming" and then turned me head to see her by the driver side door looking through her purse for the keys. When she found them, she unlocked the door and then sat down in the driver seat to my left.

I don't think I said anything to mom about taking so long, but after she closed her door, she told me I needed to be more patient. I noticed her breath reeked like my sisters when she was taking to me and felt really trapped because I could feel my sister putting her head on my shoulder while mom got in my face.

When mom finally had all the mirrors adjusted, she reached to turn the key but the car didn't start it just made the buzzing sound and the dash lit up with red lights. After several more cranks mom got in my face again and told me she was doing the best she could and I needed to calm down. As I watched mom pumping the accelerator and turning the key, I could feel my sister trying to put her arm around me. I woke-up from the dream while I was jerking my body forward to try to get away from her.

After a break on Tuesday night, where I had a strange dream about being chased by a mob of vegan socialists the car dream returned last night.

The wait in the car was like it has been since the dream returned where my sister is invading my space trying to get me to talk with her and it is all I can do to avoid her nasty breath.

What I remember the most from last nights dream was my mom while she was trying to get the car started. In addition to being frustrated that the car was not starting, she was taking a break from trying to start the car after every few cranks to tell me that I needed to calm down. I don't think I was doing or saying anything while she was trying to get the car started, but for some reason she kept making it a point to let me know I needed to calm down and relax. She also kept saying things like that she was doing the best she could do and that she knew she would get it started. I have never really noticed moms breath in the dream but when she was invading my space telling me I needed to calm down, her breath smelled just as bad as my sisters always does. She got out to look under the hood a few times and each time made a point of telling me to stay buckled in my seat. As always happens, I woke up while mom was still trying to start the car.

Not sure why mom kept telling me to calm down or why her breath reeked when she said this.

I have tired to use Lucid Dreaming on the dream about being in my grandads old Reliant with my sister and mom.

The first night I tried it was Tuesday (01/07). The dream started out as always with my waiting in the car by myself buckled to the middle of the front seat with my sister then getting in and sitting down in the window seat not long after. In all of the previous dreams, my sister and I have spent at least 20-30 minutes in the car before my mom surfaces from the house. In this dream, my sister was trying to start a conversation with me a few minutes after she got in and her breath smelled really bad like it always does. I kept trying to tune her out and ignore her, but I just couldn't avoid smelling her breath. Finally, I had enough and reached to honk the horn on the steering wheel to let my mom know that I had been waiting long enough and she need to come out of the house and get in the car. I kept honking until she finally got the hint and came out of the house. Rather than getting in the car, she spent several minutes working in her garden in the back yard and then walked right by the car again and went back into the house. My sister and I had to wait for another 30 minutes before my mom finally came back out. While we were waiting, my sister keep getting in my face telling me it was my fault we were having to wait so long because I honked the horn. I was forced to smell her breath because she was coming into my space to make sure I knew she was not happy. I thought about trying to get out of the car to get away from her, but the drivers side door was locked and I couldn't unfasten the seatbelt because my sisters leg was blocking the buckle. When mom finally came back out and got in the car, the first thing she did was to get after me about honking the horn. This was the first dream where I ever noticed her breath and it was just as bad as my sisters when she was telling me how rude and disrespectful it was that I did that and she was hurt and would be really embarrassed if neighbors heard it. When my mom started trying to get the car started, it was the longest I can ever remember that part of the dream lasting. She got out at least 3 times to look under the hood and try to figure out why it wasn't starting. If I had woken-up a little later, I wonder if she would have given-up and I would have gotten out of the car.

I tried Lucid Dreaming again last night (Wednesday 01/08). The dream started as I always does, but this time I noticed the car smelled really bad which I had never noticed before. After my sister had gotten in and closed the door, she also commented that something smelled although her breath smelled worse than the car when she talked. We waited in the car for the usual 20-30 minutes before mom came out of the house. My sister tried to carry on a conversation a few times and I kept ignoring her because I did not want to have to smell her breath when she talked. Unlike last night, she stayed in her space the entire time we were waiting like she normally does so it was easier to ignore her and tune her out. After mom got in, closed her door, and was adjusting the mirrors she noticed something smelled bad and asked me and my sister if one of us had maybe stepped in poo. We both denied it and I wasn't that worried since I hadn't been in the grass. As always, the car didn't want to start any my mom started to try pumping the accelerator after a few cranks. This didn't do any good, but she kept pumping the accelerator and turning the key and I kept hoping that the car would start up on the next crank, but the red lights kept lighting up and I kept hearing the buzzing sound rather than the engine running. While mom was pumping on the accelerator before trying another crank, her foot slipped out of her clog and she leaned her head down to put it back on. When she did this, she noticed that there was poo on my shoe. While mom continued to keep trying to get the car stated, my sister opened her door and got out and then I unbuckled from the middle seat and got out of the car to clean my shoe. I woke-up from the dream while I was in the back yard cleaning my shoe and could hear mom still trying to start the car while I was doing this. I don't know what ended-up happening with the car, but this was the first time ever in the dream that I was not buckled to the middle seat.