Recent DJ Posts

Disclaimer: This dream journal is about sleep paralysis/demon encounters. I want to clarify that sleep paralysis and intense nightmares like mine aren't normal, nothing about this is normal. I don't recommend that anyone attempt to do this. I've been dealing with SP and demon encounters for over 20 years. It's not something to take lightly or recommend, this is just my own very personal dream life that I'm sharing.

I also want to point out that there's a lot of misinformation in the LD community about LDs causing sleep paralysis, despite how useful LDs are at combatting SP. lucid dreaming didn't cause my SP. Rather, lucidity is the way I've learned how to get out of SP/nightmares and this dream shows how.

Anywho.

As I fell asleep consciously, I felt a demon's claws sinking into my back. Its nails brought an uncanny electrical sensation through my spine, as if a poison was being injected into my spinal cord directly, shooting straight through my nervous system to the rest of my body. This caused waves of pain with occassionally intense spikes, growing more and more intense by the moment. It was dreadful.

The demon was standing behind me (I normally sleep on my side). I don't know if I was paralyzed because I didn't try to move. My goal was to combat this mentally through calm meditation, not physical struggling.

I already know how to break SP with physical movement, and that's not what I wanted to do here. This was a planned encounter. I invited a demon to induce SP.

"This is fine. Keep going." I thought in my mind, wanting the demon to continue as I practiced my mental fortitude to combat the feeling, mentally wrestling with it and pushing it out of my mind. It was overwhelming, but I kept going.

The demon cranked the pain up a tenfold. I started getting severe spikes of pain going through my nervous system every few seconds, increasing in frequency. I stayed calm and still didn't react despite the pain.

I've been inviting this demon to come visit me in my sleep for a few weeks now. Why? Because I'm stagnating, I've exhausted my the resources of my personal dreamwork and I can't figure out how to push myself any other way... I need to grow, I have to keep going. My life is a mess right now and I'm desperate to become stronger so I can deal with it.

The demon stopped after a while, since it wasn't breaking me. I felt its energy fade, and I too was fading into a dreamed version of my bedroom. The color of the walls, lighting, and layout of the house slowly changed in the emergence of the dreamscape. I was still technically my house, just an altered version of it.

I felt an uneasy presence in the room and knew the demon was still standing somewhere nearbby watching me, invisible and waiting.

I decided to walk out into the livingroom. This part I'm not going to share because it's too personal, but one of my insecurities manifested in the next dream scene of loved ones yelling at me, and it quickly snowballed. My calm demeanor slipped as I felt my mind spiral out of control from the insecurities. I was upset. In that moment of clouded thinking, I actually lost my lucidity.

This was not normal. It's rare for me to lose lucidity when I'm upset. This went on for a few minutes before I regained my lucidity. Being upset normally triggers lucidity for me, so I got it back pretty quickly.

I felt the demon laughing at me, though, and realized it did that on purpose. Impressive, I thought, but I was still freaked out. I realized that this demon had found one of my weakness. It couldn't get me with sleep paralysis and pain, so it had (successfully) targeted a psychological weakness instead.

Challenge accepted.

I quickly walked into another room, intending to change the dream scene to get myself out of that negative emotional state. If I could calm down, I could regain control and prevent the demon from weakening me any further.
This was kind of thrilling, I have to admit. I like playing these mental games, and learning from my mistakes.

I suddenly woke up for seemingly no reason, which is unusual for me. I typically always have a reason for waking up, whether because of an alarm, the natural end of a dream, a nightmare, or my own intention to awake... I don't just 'randomly' wake up from my dreams.

So I sat up in bed, unaware that this was a false awakening, which is AGAIN unusual for me. I haven't fallen for an FA in a while, yet this time, I really thought I was awake.

Now nonlucid dreaming, I walked back out into the livingroom and ANOTHER one of my insecurities manifested. Some of my personal embarrassing text messages were revealed to people I didn't want to share them with! Thinking it was really happening, I was mortified. But then I became lucid again (since negative emotions normally trigger lucidity for me) and was incredibly relieved that this embarrassing moment wasn't actually happening.

The demon was laughing at me pretty hard though. I knew it had tricked me into having an FA and being nonlucid.
I suddenly woke up again. The demon was trying it's trick a second time.
"No. Not this time~" I told myself, laughing maniacally.
Fooled me once, shame on me...

I was kind of unsure though, so I did a reality check and it failed. My hands were solid.
Whatever. I don't trust reality checks anyway, so I wasn't nonlucid just yet.
I tried to use dream control next, going to fly upwards towards the wall. Normally my dream control works, but this failed too.

"Huh... " I thought, starting to believe I might actually be awake...
Reality checks and dream control can fail, though, I thought, so I still wasn't fully sold on this being waking reality. I was really thinking hard on this one.
Could still be a dream.
I was determined to not be tricked again and I was pretty sure that my uncertainty meant this was for sure a dream.
What a puzzle.
I normally ALWAYS know when I'm dreaming, so this was... really weird.
The weirdness of it alone made me even more suspicious.

I proceeded to have several more false awakenings, over and over again. Sometimes I knew it was a dream, and other times I wasn't sure, but I felt like the demon was flipping a light switch back and fourth repeatedly trying to break my lucidity.

"Mother-" I cursed and laughed.

Normally I'd be fine continuing this game, it was fun, but I knew I had to get up early in the morning and didn't want my sleep quality to be obliterated tonight (lucidity doesn't affect my sleep quality, but nightmares like this can when they go on for too long).

So I decided I was going to end this by waking myself up.

First, I found an alter for the demon in the dreamscape (which had offerings on it). "Thank you, that was impressive. No hard feelings~" I said to the demon as I destroyed the alter, shoving the whole thing off the table and breaking the artifacts.

Then I woke myself up (for real). I checked the physical reality clock and realized... That whole thing only lasted an hour?!

It felt like 4+ hours had gone by, so I was shocked. This is also unusual of for me, since I've specifically trained myself to not experience time dilation (I don't like when my time perception in dreams doesn't match waking reality).

I reached for the protective pendant I keep on my desk (which keeps demons away, but I had intentionally taken it off before bed as an invitation). It was shoved under my photography lightbox for some reason, kind of wedged under there (not where I put it, but ok). I was going to put it on when I realized the chain was torn off.

This was in waking reality. I searched high and low for the necklace chain. I found the chain on the floor and put my pendant on, did some other protection stuff in the room, and went back to sleep.
Had normal dreams for the rest of the night.

Final note: this dream happened the night before last.

Dreamed about having sleep paralysis last night. My dog climbed onto my chest in the dream and started staring and growing at the window where something black started phasing into existence.
I turned to my significant other and realized it was just a dream my SO suddenly spoke in an amused demonic voice.
"I can't help you now~"

I immediately woke myself up from the nightmare, did some emotional grounding, then went back to sleep.

In the next dream, I took an alternate form and was at an outdoor training facility featuring a round pie-shaped field. Each section had a door to the next, but to reach it, one had to cross that section of the field.

There were various obstacles in each section and cheats like flight, teleportation etc. were prohibited.
You had to face what was in the field.

As I stood at the gate of the first section, I saw a tall black figure standing in the field, motionless, waiting.
Despite me being in plain sight behind the gate, it didn't see me. It didn't navigate with the usual senses.
As I stepped past the threshhold of the gate, it noticed and turned towards me (with fluid movement, no walking despite having the appearance of legs).
So I stepped back out, and it seemed to lose sight of me again.

Recognizing that it navigated reality through pure consciousness and not perception, I cleared my mind. No emotions, no thoughts, as if I didn't exist, so it wouldn't detect me.
I re-entered the field with my mind empty and began to move towards the door at the opposite end of the field, just as fluidly as the being. No walking, just floating above the ground in stillness.

I found more of the same figures in the next chambers, and continued on with the same strategy until it stopped working a few chambers in.
Maybe it was my inability to hold that state for long enough, or maybe it was that they were getting smarter, I don't know.
But one of them noticed as I was halfway through the field, unable to make a quick exit no matter which direction I went in.
As it moved closer, I could feel something warping, pulling, idk how to describe it. This uncomfortable sensation, as if all the blood in my body was being sucked towards the figure.
I decided to give up the stealth and just sprinted towards the next door in a quick burst. It worked.
That strategy continued to work in the next room.

I never made it to the end because I was eventually caught in a field with multiples of the figure. The blood-pulling sensation intensified uncomfortably and I woke myself up before they could touch me.

Talking to an old discord friend
I am on Discord, sad about the fact that a friend left a discord server of friends for reasons I don't know. I then got the idea that I might still have them in my direct message bar. I look and find them. I then talk to them and ask them if they want to come back. And they do. Everyone on the server is happy, but I don't remember what exactly they were saying.

Scene change to all server members standing in my room, apparently. The friend doesn't really feel comfortable with meeting everyone again yet, but they would give it a try. We are then apparently in some freaky ghost house thing, but really, it's more of a ghost world. Various like very demonic things attack us and we often flee. I don't remember any details except that the beginning was many sort of white blankets hung up and it being very tight so that you have to immediately go up a staircase when you get in, which is the only way. There was also like some weird hallway. To the right was some really bright room, maybe an operating room, and in front was darkness. I might have been alone. Then it got brighter behind me and some demon came, it might have been related to Super Mario for some reason. When I started waking up I started realizing that it was a dream and got very sad and frustrated since I miss my friend.

Dream about a dream
I thought that the last dream had ended, and that this was now definitely reality. I was on Discord again, and now found the friend again and wanted to talk to them. But then I started waking up again and was sad to see that this was also a dream.

---

Hm. I had really hoped I'd wake up to see it wasn't a dream. In reality it probably wouldn't really be as easy as talking to them and asking them nicely. I think they had a fight with someone. But maybe I can do it, but I doubt it. It must have been bad if they just left by saying "Bye." Eh, let me stop venting.

I'll class that second dream as a false awakening,

oh, and that ghost mansion was fun.

July 26, 2014

---

School Kids

I was with some of my oldest school friends, and we had decided to watch a video one of our parents had taken on our first day of first grade. We hunkered down and started watching: there we all were, lined up in front of our first grade teacher's door... We all turned and waved at the camera, we were all smiling. I pointed at S and said, "look there you are! You were so cute, what happened?!"

He laughed and pointed at two of our other friends, naming them. I looked more carefully, and noticed that two of my oldest friends... weren't there. Instead, there were two people I didn't recognize. But they were with me watching the movie. "Where's R? And M?" I asked.

The others looked at me like, "who?" and I shook my head, dismissing my confusion as one of my usual misrememberings. I must not have met them until 2nd grade.

The next time I looked at the screen, it froze, and the next thing I knew, I was in that 1st grade line. Time was stopped for a moment, but started again, and all us children kept giggling and smiling. The two people I didn't know were talking in S and K, and I leaned over in the line to look for M and R. I didn't see them, but there was a little boy who caught my eye: He was wearing a suit of iron- or rock. I couldn't tell. It was some kind of heavy, strong stuff. He smiled at me and called me over by name. I assumed he was just a friend I had long since forgotten about (and in truth, I was starting to forget about having been watching the movie years later as I walked over to him).

"Kestrel, stay behind me, okay?" And he turned around, and I looked over his shoulder to see a group of children from a different school. They had devices of some sort, and I watched one of them lift a device and point it at my classmates and me. The boy in front of me lifted his arms and stood as a shield for me. I saw a bright flash and then wind and dust and debris flew past me. There was some kind of battle going on between my classmates and those other kids. The others were from a school nearby where they learned demonic cult magic.

They attacked for about five minutes, but because the boy in armor was there as my shield, I wasn't harmed at all. When the other kids left with lots of smack talk, he turned to me and smiled cheerfully. He then turned away and walked toward that other school.

The world froze again and started to blur. The boy was moving slightly, but everything faded, and a new scene appeared. I was at a new school. I had been transferred to the demonic cult school for some reason. It was all one large classroom in a cabin-like building. I set up a camera in the back corner because I was supposed to record my first day. I was terrified because of that attack, but I was also fairly oblivious about almost everything. I got into the classroom, and the teacher directed me to a seat in the back. I noticed with a start that the boy from before was sitting next to me. He smiled at me cheerfully as I sat down in my seat. To my left, there was a scary-looking boy. He was large and scowled at me; I recognized him from the attack. He kept messing with me, but the boy to my right threatened that if he kept messing with me, he would die a horrible death.

I don't remember much about what we were learning, but there was a presentation by one of the students. It was disproving something I had seen in school the day before, back at my real school. He stated that Jesus was fake and therefore Peace and Love were also not real. It was a depressing and scary presentation, and I wondered why I was at this school. The boy to my right turned to me and asked me if I wanted to get away from this place with him. I nodded and during break, we escaped. He led me to a door around the back of the school, and when I went through it, I saw a scene where someone was skiing down a mountain on someone else. So, instead of skis, he was skiing on a person. The skier said, "Don't worry, we're almost there!" Then I woke up.

(I didn't realize it until I woke up, but the boy was the Face, again. He was a kid so I didn't recognize him in my dream, but when I woke up I realized the metal/rock suit was the same one he wore in the very first dream with him in it)





Clumsy Kestrel

I was with a group of my older classmates again, and we were sneaking into a large building at night. We were spying on some people who were having a meeting in the building. We were all leaning over a ledge, and I fell over it into the room with the people in it. Luckily, they didn't see or hear me, so one of my group members had to go and get me.

I woke up slightly, and when I fell back asleep, I dreamt that I was watching myself fall over the ledge. I may have even dreamed that I pushed myself.

I remembered more dreams last night then I ever have in a single sleep session, which is really super awesome for me! so yaaay!

Now if I can just get lucid.


Dreaming within a dream, trying to escape dream!! Fragment. Induction Method attempted: MILD

I was dreaming that I was dreaming, and in this dream I was trapped! I don't know how or why, but I was trying to escape my dream, and could not find my way out. I tried to escape the dream several times (in my dream) and even tried to wake myself up, to no avail! These dream-within-dreams are very freaking confusing!!


Rodents, Wolves and Bears, OH MY Sunday august 25th 7:00 am Induction method attempted: WILD/WBTB

A FULL dream, huraaay!

My dad goes to town, and comes back with two pets for Mom. One of them is like a giant overgrown rat. I want to say it's closer to a guinea pig, but that doesn't feel right, even if it looked the same. The other pet was a strange creature; I don't know their name, but I think they are an Australian critter I know I've seen before on TV. It had grey-blue fur, long back legs, shorter front ones, a long tail and big ears. We named it Roosey because it hops around like a Kangaroo, though it is also capable of skittering around really fast. The other critter was never referred to by name in the dream; I'll call him Mouse. Mouse was round, fluffy, with brown fur.

My dream skips forward to that evening, after Dad brings home the pets. They are not kept in a cage though. Instead, they are able to roam free; we just have a wood divider separating the living room half of the house from the kitchen half of the house. This way, our dog Meatball can't get to them to eat them. I end up going into the living room for some reason, and the divider doesn't close all the way behind me; Mouse and Roosey come flying through it into the living room. I leap on top of Meatball, holding him down and call for help, because he is struggling like mad to get to the two critters.

Dad scolds me for letting the divider open like that, and then has me let the little guys outside to go to the bathroom. It is dark outside, and I need a flashlight. I get them, and take them outside; Mom and Dad warns me not to let them get too far away, Well.

As soon as the door opens, BOTH of them just run as fast as they can, waaay in the yard. I can't see them anymore because it's so dark. Mouse, with her waddling gait, comes into view; she's not quite as far away as Roosey. I scoop the lil' critter up, and start looking for Roosey; I'm about halfway into the yard by now. I can't find her at first, and then...THERE! I see her, but she is right next to a fox! I start to go after, but she hops away again. I decide I need help, so I turn around, heading back to the house. I get to the driveway, when I notice a large grey-white timberwolf sitting in the driveway, staring at me. Knowing they seldom attack humans and needing to get Mouse inside, I walk by. Then, right by the door, theres ANOTHER wolf. As I head up the stairs, the wolf tries to snatch Mouse from my hands. I yank away, its fangs grazing my hand. I throw open the door and dash inside.

Breathless I tell mom and dad about Roosey and the wolves and fox. Mom takes mouse, and examines my hand while Dad goes into their bedroom to get his rifle. Mom sighs, shaking her head. I'm only scratched; she's worried about Roosey. She tells me that it's messed up--Dad doesn't often get attached to these rodent type pets, like mice and stuff, but he's really bonded with Roosey, and now she's probably out there, hurt or worse. She says it's just not fair. I agree, looking out the window into the darkness. Then Dad comes out, rifle in hand, and I go outside with him to show him where Roosey is at.

WE go outside, and dad fires several shots into the air. THe wolves all dash away immediately; there wasn't just the two I saw, an entire PACK of them runs off. I lead dad to where Roosey is, and find her. But she's rolling around on her back, badly injured. I'm about to pick her up when I notice a bear at the edge of our yard (a very large brown-bear). I point out the bear to Dad--it hasn't noticed us yet. He takes aim with his Rifle, putting his fingers to his lips to make sure I stay quiet. But for some reason, he doesn't shoot. The bear looks up, and starts plodding towards us, and STILL Dad doesn't shoot the bear. I'm freaking out now, and I ask him what the heck to do, and he hands me a shotgun that he did NOT have when he came out. AND it's not the gun we have IRL, it's a double barrel shotgun. Dad is watching the bear, and I aim the gun. I ask, as it gets creepily close, if he wants me to shoot it. He doesn't answer. My fingers wrap around the trigger, but it's so sensitive that at my slightest touch, the gun goes off and misses the bear completely!

The bear stands up on his hind legs, roars, and then notices the same fox from earlier. It is skittering by him, and the bear claws him, shoving the animal in his mouth. Dad tells me the bear isn't interested in us, and tells me to grab Roosey. We start to head back into the house, and Roosey needs to get to the vet. The alarm wakes me up as we are crossing the yard.


Demonic Dog 10:00 am Fragment, INDUCTION method attempt: WILD/WBTB

Dad and I are in the house. He explains to me that our pet, Tori, is actually a demonic dog--even if she has not yet shown it. HE tells me that she will be used to do things, such as enter our world, if something isn't done about it. For some reason, he believes that I have to be the one to kill the dog. I don't want to do it, the thought saddens me deeply, but I go grab my survival knife that I keep in my room (for when we go camping or fishing). I hide the knife behind my back, and approach Tori. I hug her, give her kisses and pet her...and then I stab her twice in the chest, very quickly. I then carry Tori outside where I sit with her, holding her head in my lap, and apologize for having to do this to her, and for her being used by evil. I am crying at this point, watching her die. I wake up still feeling the intense emotions from the tail end of the dream fragment.


A Knight Beheaded Time unknown Induction Technique Attemted: WILD/WBTB

Another good vs. evil dream, with a bit of humor at the end. I'm in some strange area where all of the plant life is grey and dying. The trees are dead, the grass is dead and crumbly beneath my feet. There is an entire crowd of people around me, most dressed like modern day people, but there is one man, a knight in full silver colored armor. We are all enclosed in some giant fenced in area, which leads to some open arena-style place with two exits. We are being herded towards that arena place. Someone speaking from an unknown location, as if from some kind of loud-speakers, tells us that there are two men, one for each exit. One of the men is evil, the other is not. We are told that we have to choose which one is the evil person, and make our way through these shadowy-looking beings in the arena area, and kill him. If we choose correctly, we can all go home. If we choose the wrong person, our world will be in grave danger.

The knight steps up first; that's when I notice he is blind, wearing some kind of headband over his eyes. He leaps over the fence into the arena, drawing his sword. He immediately slashes at one of the creatures, killing it. Then he turns behind him, and slashes at the fence! One of the creatures laughs at him, and beheads the knight with long claws. His head sails over the fence, his body collapsing to the ground. The head then floats back into the arena, re-attaches itself to the knights body, and he closes his eyes and looks as if he's just gone to sleep! I wake up at this point.

i've had sleep paralysis a handful of times, but there are two instances that really stand out:

the first time it happened to me was (i think) eight years ago... i thought i had died. I woke up on my back in the early morning and couldn't move, couldn't breathe, and i felt like there was an incredible weight pressing down on my entire body. It also felt like there was a pair of hands pressing down on my face, contorting my eyes into slits and exposing my teeth. This made my vision blurry and i could even hear air rushing in and out through my teeth. I began hearing voices... most of them just sounded like people screaming really far away, but one was right in my ear. It was a deep voice that was just yelling all sorts of things at me; "FUCK YOU!" and "I TOLD YOU I'D MAKE YOU SORRY!" and stuff. FYI, I don't believe in demons or anything supernatural, but my half-asleep self did at that moment.

the next time it happened was not long after that. Again, it was early morning and i woke up on my back. There was an old man standing in my doorway... nothing special or weird about him, but he still somehow terrified me beyond all description. It seemed very real. He was wearing a blue flannel shirt and brown pants. Just standing there staring. The whole time i could hear a steady beeping, like a heart monitor or something.

It has happened a few times since, but the first two occasions are the only ones i remember well. They were definitely more intense than any other episodes since then.

every time i try to control a dream or i think i am in control, it takes a dark turn. it will already be taking a dark turn and when i try to change it it gets even worse. ask me about some of my worst dreams.

So I woke up from my afternoon nap and... this is what I remember from my dream.
I was in a room with some people 2 of them I had my attention on (these 2 were evil) , everyone else I couldn't really see their faces..
I just knew there were lots of people around... One of the characters in my dream his face took shape of a demon ,
His face floated in fire and then got a bunch of holes in it, his eyes were hollow and black... his smile was really sinister..
For some reason I felt attraction to this "creature" and I got close to him trying to touch him...
This other Demon got angry at me , I got really scared by his presence... his energy alone was very powerful.
I looked at him a Demon dressed in black robes... He was very tall, veryyyyyyy huge... kind of like a juggernaut.
He was upset with me for paying attention to his minion who I was trying to show compassion to...
He thought I was trying to change him from evil to good, which made him want to punish me for that.
I remember him shoving me into a pool in the shape of a square that was filled with lard, I was isolated in the corner of this pool...
I started freaking out, but I don't remember ever crying....
All of a sudden I'm back with this minion , talking to him asking him, "Why?" But it's like we were having a conversation
with out moving our mouths... telepathically. I don't remember his response to the question, I think my dream ended or I just don't recall the rest...,
I then...woke up (in real life)
That's all I remember.

I had a dream in which my surprisingly demonic older sister tortured my cat Sunshine.
Anyways,
It started out where i noticed I was in some kind of OR. I looked around and saw my Ken (older sister) standing there. Beside her was Sunshine, sprawled out on a gurney. Ken wheeled the gurney into the nearest room, and I followed. I looked down for a moment and noticed that Sunshine did not look normal..sort of human-ish. I squinted and saw, that my older sister had cut Sunshine's paw off.
She was um, holding it in her hand. Ken raised a knife and she said, "Time for surgery." with an evil smirk.

I then appeared outside of my church. It was nighttime. Ken was holding Sunshine, so I took her away from Ken. Then to my horror, I saw something was stuck up through Sunshine's chin and mouth, a pin. I cried and held her, but it didn't seem to be doing any good. She was suffocating, and I had no idea what to do. A group of people started gathering, and Sam was there too. I gave Sunshine to her, then glared at Ken. She gave me the most creepy demonic stare. Her eyes were yellow and red, sort of like olives. Lol. But still, it looked demonic.

Remembered three dreams this night!

1) I am the last hope for humanity (not sure why), working in an Apple store. Some evil being is trying to get me to sleep with some girl which will apparently cause the world to end. It's new years eve. Feels like I'm the only one around who knows of the impending destruction of humanity. Got off work, everyone is going crazy, in a very demonic kind of way. At some ceremony with lots of people I know, feels like they are all in a trance.

2) 5:41 AM - Around some priest who is telling me that children who hang out with the child he is with will die, at which point the child's eyes start glowing red.

3) In a band, playing bass. It's our first gig, my top bass string breaks and can't find another string. End up borrowing someone's bass. Leave my bass at the venue, on a glass elevator and can't get off to go get it.