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My brother and I were going to road trip all the way to los angeles. We had to pick a car, and for some reason we were in the same school, and the school was going to pay for the car. We went to a massive car lot that had everything from lamborghinis to mopeds but we took so long to choose we were kicked out. Too bad.

Dream #1: non-lucid- All the details were very vivid in this dream. All the way down to cups & silverware & blankets & furniture etc. Jason & I were at college & were dating but then he turned in Bobby. We were hanging out on campus & doing normal college like stuff like eating together & romantic stuff. But then last nights dream guy became my new guy somehow & we were beginning a new romance & kissing & taking walks. I was staying in a rental w/ some other people now off campus & we were getting tired so I told him he could crash there with me. There was some weird reunion of people at my house & then the lights went dark & I sat on him.


Jason & Bobby were childhood friends of mine. The dream guy from the night before was weird.



Dream #2: non-lucid & lucid- I was at Richie's farm. But it only had very few details of the original. We were having a family reunion where I had become a permanent part of the family. There were a good 80 people or so there in the big farm house & outside. Lots of cars & trucks & other things that are normally on the farm. (Became Lucid) The details were intensely realistic & normal. Real things such as knickknacks everywhere. Everyone knew who I was & they were telling me who had had kids & married such & such & pulling out photo albums left & right. Lots of memories were going along with all of these things. This was extremely elaborate & there was a futuristic field they were showing me across the street where life had changed for all of us. It was elaborate with technologies that we don't have now for everyday life. A whole new system of farming & hovering crafts for water system & flying machines running the farm.... At this point I felt I was supposed to go back to my original families house but I was torn & really didn't want to go because of how all that turned out for me before.

Richie & her husband were one of my foster families. I was actually lived there twice. The first time I was going to go home to try & reintegrate me w/ my real family but it didn't work. I won't elaborate on that right now. I then came back after a few months but eventually I broke the rules of prom by leaving w/ my prom date from the after party. We still left amicably. I really loved them. They were good people. I even got a tattoo from one of my foster sisters (actually I put them on myself with her stuff & she gave me a dot on my shoulder to always remember here) & we went to high school for a while together in a whole other town.

Dream #3: Non-Lucid-Nightmare- I was in this house behind mine which is now a bunch of apartments. People busted in while my daughters house & these people were stealing all her shit. More very detailed stuff in it. I pulled out my phone to call the police & at some point I had to put it back cuz they almost caught me trying to call on them & they were an unsavory bunch. At the end I pulled it out & this woman just laughed at me & said "Good luck with that". Somehow she had magically took my phone which was now in her hands & fake phone was in mine. They tore out of there at that point & I woke up.

Recently I've tried not to interfere when I become lucid to work on noticing details. Apparently it's working. I've always noticed that when you try to change your dreams when you become lucid you take a big risk of losing a lot of details so I'm working on mastering details more lately.


Non-Lucid-Green
Lucid-Red
Explanation of details-Blue
Side Notes-Purple
Astral Projection/AP-Brown

25.06.2016

(Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I was at a mall; for some reason I was on top of a huge construction tower inside the mall with a female friend. She grabbed my hand and we started making our way down the tower, leaping from platform to platform and running down the stairs. We got to the parking lot and met up with the rest of the group. We started driving into the woods and found a secluded spot. We parked our cars and set up camp. It was night time, the moon was full and the sky was clear. We started playing soccer and more people started arriving at the campsite.

25.06.2016

(WILD/SSILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I woke up 4.25 hours after going to bed. I remembered right away that it was time to attempt SSILD; I got out of bed and felt extremely tired. I stayed inside my room, just walking around and staring at things. After 5 minutes I went back to bed and laid on my back. I did 4 shorts cycles, but kept getting distracted by toughts; instead of worrying about these thoughts I just let them pass by and got back to the cycles. Then I started doing the long cycles, I probably went through 1 or 2 until I noticed I was falling asleep. I switched positions to my sleeping position (laying on my stomach) and focused on hearing my sleep fan. I don't know how much time passed or whether I fell asleep and then woke up, but I started hearing the buzzing that I am all too familiar with from my WILD experiences. I started feeling the tingling in my legs, and the sound coming and going. I waited a minute or so, and then stood up from my bed.

I was in my room, it was dark and things were not arranged as they actually are. I looked at the window and was tempted to jump out and start flying but decided not to, afraid I would wake myself up. "It has been a while" I thought to my self; I opened the door and walked down the stairs. It was bit lighter downstairs. I opened the backyard door and sat on the patio couch; It was dawn and the sky had all kinds of vanilla and purple clouds. It was so mesmerizing I thought I should take a picture of it, but then realized I wouldn't have it by the time I woke up. The dream was a little bit unstable, my vision was starting to get blurry so I started rubbing my hands together. I tried to remember other stabilizing techniques but I couldn't remember any, again, "it has been a while" I thought. I decided to just observe my surroundings and everything became really sharp. I was amazed at how surreal everything looked, and caught myself laughing out of pure enjoyment. I saw my dad driving around the corner and he asked me to help him with something. I leaped over the fence and we went to the garage. I opened the garage door with Telekinesis... We started cutting lumbers and I drifted into the dream.

I had another dream after this one, and when I woke up this morning I was disappointed because I thought SSILD hadn't worked, then I realized I did have SP during the night and that helped me remember most of the dream. Since I literally got back into lucid dreaming yesterday, this is a huge success and I know I need to build up by recall, as well as review other skills such as dream stabilization, dream recall, and dream control.

I was walking to my car and it was engulfed in a hedge growth. I tried to break through to sit in the front seat and wait for [someone]. My cat appears from a tree and the branch bends and lowers her to the ground- she looks as if she might fall but doesn’t.

I am still outside in the same area. I see a squirrel and I bend down and it comes to me. I don’t have anything to feed it so I get up before it approaches my hand.

I am in trouble in school, and I have to stay behind for in class detention along with around 5 other students. The teacher is a woman that in waking life I don’t recall ever seeing before. She doesn’t like me, as if I have behaved terribly and deserve no respect. She lets the two students she likes go home, and ignores us. The two other students and I get angry at how she is treating us. I get up and move to leave as well, and I knock things off of her desk.

I get a newsletter via email titled ‘The Dawn of the Voice.’

Thoughts:
The newsletter is probably a reference to a design job I might have to work on. I slept well and all the way through the night last night, but I felt frustrated this morning that I didn’t wake up immediately remembering my dreams. Once again I feel like I am not being very mindful and feel more determined to practice awareness and ramp up my meditation times.

A Japanese "castle" that I explored with a group of others?

Sailboating somewhere (not me driving) off the coast. The weather looked like it was getting pretty bad when we left (dark clouds approaching, already pretty high waves), so I wondered if this was really a good idea.

I was with some kid in the desert, next to a large structure. We wanted to leave. I started climbing a sandy hill, but the sand was deep and hard to move through. The hill suddenly turned extremely steep (90°), so it was impossible. A kid (possibly accompanied by another) appeared on top, seething with anger. He was mad at the kid who was with me, I think. I asked him why he was so angry. He replied that he had shown a potential customer the apartment, and that customer didn't want to rent it. Or something like it. He was in our way, and I didn't want to be trapped in there forever (it was the only way out), soI walked up to the wall of sand and kicked it. The sand collapsed, and the kid on top fell down with it. He immediately attacked me, possibly wielding some kind of stick or bat. I kept fighting, until I realized I must have been 15 years older than this kid and could easily overpower him. With some help of the other kid (he was possibly inspired by "Piggy" from Lord of the Flies, I watched the 1990 film yesterday and am still reading the book) I got him on the ground. He was swearing, but I grabbed his throat with both hands, and in the heat of the moment felt the desire to kill him. I squeezed hard, he went red and coughed a bit. I leaned closer, bit into his neck and savagely ripped out a chunk of flesh. Last thing I remember is me saying "Die, you little shit!". Then I woke up.

Dream
I'm in a forest during day time for a school trip of some sort. I'm hanging out with my friends, I recognise Cameron here. I show him how to identify magic mushrooms as we walk along. He's like "oh cool man, dude that's awesome" as I remember him being really keen to try them IRL. We're heading down slope with the group, ahead of us they're talking about how they just found a huge nest of blue lipped mussels. The mussels apparently clack their shells in order to bounce around, achieving a sort of momentary flight-hop to get around. They're not even in the water either, they're just on land for some reason. I imagine that there must be a river nearby that they came from and we all start heading downslope to try find it. I remember also having something in my hand that I needed to feed, like a little animal. We came to a small river and waded in, only to get caught by a teacher who was peering over at us. Apparently it's illegal to try catch mussels from the river or something

I was with my family in some kind of sports hall. Family from whole country gathered and we were playing some basketball before we were about to enter a church. With group of cousins we didn't wanted to go there, so we were circling around it. Suddenly I heard my mother's voice, she was talking to me through a window "What are you doing?! Have God abandoned you?!" We immediately entered the building and took our seats.

Next day was cold and rainy. Whole family drove away to their homes. We entered a small shop with my mother, it had a sign "Forestry equipment". There was an old man behind the counter. I looked around the shop - it was arranged like a small forestry inspectorate. Maps and equipment were laying on shelves and counter. I was quite interested in prices of various tools and maps. We talked about forestry overall, then the man went away and a woman appeared to serve us. It was a brunette woman with arms length hair, in long, black dress and with quite pretty face. She was in her late twenties. She had a similar face to the shop owner, she probably was his daughter.

Thought I'd add another dream to my log.

The only thing I remember of last night, is that I was murdering children. Yes. With my bare hands. And I didn't feel anything. No anger, no remorse, nothing. I think I killed a dozen of them, and was still doing this when I woke up. I have plenty of violent dreams, or "rage dreams" in which someone pisses me off or attacks me, but this was unprovoked. Very disturbing.

I recall only a short fragment, in which I was working in forestry inspectorate.

Outside view of ‘my house’ [not house in waking life] It is dark outside, but the house is white and lit by moonlight. On the roof there is a small cemetery. Suddenly I am in the house, upstairs, near the window facing the cemetery. I hear a voice whispering my name: ‘soooolaaeeetttiiiaaa…I’m looking for sssooolllaaaeettiiaa…’ I open the window and there is a small creature with a black hooded cloak. It asks me if I will tickle it. <This sounds way more scary as I type it than it was experiencing it. The creature, although it’s skeletal face was mostly obscured, seemed benign.

I was working at the old cafe, but we had desks and small 8”-10” retro monitors. One of my monitors just said ‘baseball’ in white type on a black screen. A man who was either just hired or a new client hovered over me as another boss/employee explained what I was working on. I felt my space was being violated. Later, I was in the restroom and a man walked in looking around for things. I yelled at him to get out, and he argued that he knows what I look like and isn’t interested in me, he just needed some things from this room. Again, I felt violated.

People from the cafe were boxing up there things, I was one of the last people in the building. I had three bags and many different clothes and shoes that I was trying to gather and decide what to wear. A girl was lugging her things out and remarked on all the people being jailed. I responded that I was surprised or something, and she asked me in a slight shock if I wasn’t being arrested too? I said no they hadn’t arrested me, and she seemed to think that was unfair and continued on her way.


Thoughts:
My dreams seem uninteresting and meaningless at the moment, and I don’t feel like I am gaining much insight- expect that I am not very attend to my inner self at the moment. Maybe that’s the point. I feel distracted by things going on in my waking life. I know though that continuing to journal I will have some break throughs and get back to where I want to be, and hopefully progress from there.

Dream 1-Non-lucid: I was in this great big school & it was very detailed & we went to another school even. My mindset was trying to give helpful advice & interact a lot & I was really popular. Finally I told everyone to guess how old I was & people were guessing 10-15 yrs older than I really am. I was saying "really, I look that old?" Then I told them that I just wanted to go back to school for a different experience & that I have done this before.


That was a reoccurring dream but the details are always different. I have these because I was torn from my home when I was 13 & went to a bunch of different foster homes & 2 yrs in a group home. I also didn't have a regular graduation but did get my GED on my own over a 2 week period when I was 17 so I always was proud of how I actually graduated before everyone else did. I didn't want to stay in the state system any longer than necessary. I would have had to repeat my junior year to missing too much school because I had was out of school due to my appendix & wisdom teeth so making up a month of work wasn't possible. Hence the reoccurring dream.


Dream 2-Non-lucid: I was living in this house which was dilapidated & found another house under my house which was pristine & was completed furnished with kids rooms & another door that led outside complete with a porch. I asked someone if I would now have more equity to get a loan to fix up the part of the house I had previously lived in & they said yes so I started doing this. Some guy came to my front door which I now have 2 of but almost like it was a duplex kind of set up with 2 porches but now 1 complete house. The guy had a little girl & little boy & he was asking about my mysterious house. I explained to him that this has happened to me before. My porch was covered with all of these beautiful plants!

This dream also was a reoccurring dream with differences. Sometimes I find a crazy big labyrinth of another house that goes on & on & sometimes it has other things such as portholes or floors that you could fall through. But to have 2 reoccurring dreams in one night, let alone back to back is a first. The house dream is also about me moving a million times & living in places that are not ideal. My current house has been through sooooo much shit that I will have to pay off before I can move. No more insurance coverage for anything at this point. It's been through the big Joplin tornado, had a house fire, had massive storms that have had my neighbors trees fall through my roof twice. The limbs also came through when we had the tornado. Another time one came through my front porch & through the floor of it. Hole is still there. Frozen water pipes. Destroyed carpets & tiles. Bathroom with a floor that was torn up when a guy put in our toilet. Omg, the list just goes on & on.... Don't feel sorry for me. I don't. I just deal with it & pray for change in the future.

Non-Lucid-Green
Lucid-Red
Explanation of details-Blue
Side Notes-Purple
Astral Projection/AP-Brown

Fall asleep faster by not staring into the back of my eyelids. Stare off into the distance; through your eyelids. Visualize passively looking at a far-away point such as the a cloud in the sky or a tree top in the horizon. The purpose is to relax your eyeballs and the muscles that control them.

Just remembered another dream fragment as I was scrolling through dream journals.

Dream 3 (fragment):
My childhood dog Stormy is in the house, playing with me, energetic as can be. Then I realize it's weird that I'm seeing her, I haven't seen her in a long time. Then I look over and my parent's current dog, Reilly, is laying on the floor. Stormy goes over to him and they start playing. It's good they can get along, I think.

This could have been an obvious dreamsign, since Stormy died 5 years ago IRL, but I was too into the dream to realize. It was nice to see her, though.

Bedtime:
10:15pm
Wakeup:
7:30am

Recall wasn't so good last night, I didn't have my focus. I had a 10 hour work day, so my sleep was very deep. Did recall one solid dream though.

Dream 1
I was at a mass in a town near where I grew up, and my whole family was there. Halfway into the mass, this woman started giving a presentation, but there was some kids who were being really loud. I didn't witness exactly what happened, but the woman made these kids leave. I saw the mother gather her children and yell "Don't worry, we won't be coming back!" and she looked really angry. The next thing I know, my aunt goes up to the woman and ruins her presentation. She scribbles all over her whiteboard and says some stuff to her about how you can't just kick children out of the church. Then she realizes how embarrassing her actions were and starts crying. I get up and take her to the sacristy, and she's crying and says she was just really mad at how the woman treated that family. Then the priest comes in to talk to her, and I'm just sort of observing the whole thing. I forget what he was saying to her, but then the woman came in and she seemed really embarrassed and emotional as well. My aunt wouldn't talk to her or even look at her, and then I think we left.

Dream 2 (fragment):
This fragment is like a fake memory from high school, there's a bunch of kids from my class in a park behind my house, and we're all doing this music video with choreographed dancing and singing. I remember seeing my best friend from high school, who I haven't spoken to in years IRL, and I just remember avoiding her the whole time, even though we were still in high school and supposedly still friends. Awkward feelings...