A few weird dreams last night. I've been trying MILD to launch me back into LDing, but I've gotten nothing yet. Haven't been repeating the mantras enough, probably. First dream: I get really mad at my parents because they won't let me play with toys (which makes no sense because I'm 25 lol) and I was building with Legos and a toy globe. I said something akin to "I don't want to live in this world anymore" and they flipped out. I...really don't know where that dream came from ._. Second dream: My journal says "veil vs. not" and I'm not sure what that means. People were changing appearance/personality -- also don't know what this means. Black metal vs. pop with cats (on posters, I think?) -- I vaguely remember this, probably because I was looking at the Dark Lord Cat Facebook page shortly before bed. The last line in my journal for last night says "We all started hearing his calming voice deep within our thoughts." I don't remember what that means, either, though I do have a vague recollection of it happening. Creepy.
I am at work when I notice a shorter, pudgy blond boy holding a shirt and standing right by the mall entrance. He is sort of obscured by the racks of clothes, but i still see him conceal the shirt somewhere on him and then exit. I know I’m not cleared to stop people by myself, and I don’t know where Lainey is right now, but I run after him anyway, feeling that it is justified. I go up to him and just tell him that he needs to come back. I let him lead, staying pretty close to him, noticing how young he looks. I ask his name and he tells me. I ask his age, and he tells me something like 13. I think about how old kids are looking for their age these days. At some point a girl has started walking with us, like she’s with him. When we get to the door, I tell them to put their bags and phones up on the desk. I recover the merchandise, hanging it on the wall. There are Nike sweats, two things from Pink, and something from another store. Now, there are three 20-somethings sitting in here, in three chairs facing the desk. They have grabbed the paperwork and are filling it out themselves, nonchalantly. The guy in the middle is even reclining and has his phone set up and playing a video or something. I take it and set it on the desk. Now, it is the boy and girl again. I look over and notice the girl playing a game on her phone. I hit it out of her hand, saying “Get off your fucking phone, I’m not fucking kidding.” Now, it seems a little later, and I’m being invited into a house by a slightly older looking Nathaniel’s dad. I get the impression that the two earlier were Nathaniel and Beatrice and he wants to talk to me about it. He plays a tape or recording and I hear myself saying what I said earlier and hear the phone hit the ground. He politely tells me that he thinks I was being aggressive. His mom is here now too, and I tell them that I’m very quiet and so I have to try to be more assertive. I tell them we never try to be mean to people there, that we tell everyone it can be easy and we want it to. They seem understanding. I also tell them that like half of the people we get are homeless and that it’s saddening.
I am in what looks like a large fitting room (sort of like one in the Levi’s fitting rooms) with Dad and Makayla. The lighting is dimmer and the back wall is encompassed by a mirror and a bench. We’re standing at the entrance when I, recording on Snapchat, throw a sock into the room and watch as it is thrown back before it even hits the ground. I throw it a few more times, the same thing happening each time. Now, I seem to be on a roof of a building, on a long ledge. Dad and Makayla are down on the ground. I am asking ‘Charlie’ to reveal himself and actually bracing myself for it to happen.
I am in what seems like a large, dim room. The building seems industrial and empty/abandoned. There are only a few others here. They are doing some sort of bomb test. I think I ask someone if it’s a hydrogen or atomic bomb. I think they say it’s a big bomb, but not that big. Now, the bomb (that looks more like a grenade) is being throw from the other side of the room to over here. There are actually two of them, and they land in a corner/inlet to my right. There is a wall between them and me, but still I panic a little. They then detonate with a much smaller explosion than I had expected. The explosion looks like mostly black smoke in a sort of mushroom head. After a moment it sort of goes off again, sending a powerful wave of aftershock. There are people against a fence on the far side of the room; I watch as they are violently thrown up and against the fence. I go look at the location of impact, finding two small craters. The bottom is bright yellow orange, like it has turned the ground molten. I think about sending a Snapchat of it.
I am climbing at what looks pretty much like Basecamp. I boulder around, and it feels pretty easy; I feel strong. Granted, I am only climbing easier problems, but I feel in control and unfatigued. It seems uncrowded and also a little bigger than it really is. I start a red taped problem on a slight overhang. I start with both hands each on a hold, noticing that the hug my right hand is on is the only starting hold. I don’t really care, since I’m just climbing for myself. After a move or two, a dyno is required to get to the next hold. I come down instead of attempting it, not feeling quite ready for it. Though I probably could do it, I don’t feel committed. At one point, I am making up my own route, using side pull slopers and heel hooks and small holds with ring/rung features (almost like handles). I now try a problem that starts low on a triangular feature on a slight overhang. These small, yellow holds are loose and move around when I pull on them, so I come down after a move or two. A girl comes up and nicely explains that she needs the holds to not be moved, to stay exactly where they are. I think it occurs to me that she must currently be setting this, so, feeling a little bad, I tell her I am sorry and wouldn’t have climbed on it if I’d have known. I now climb up a short problem on a pillar. Now, I am by the rope walls, which really aren’t much taller than the bouldering walls. There are about four groups climbing next to one another, very close together. An older couple comes up and asks if I can belay them or something. I give some excuse not to. They seem a little put off, like I was obligated to or something. I’m not even sure it’d be safe for me to belay right now it’s been so long since I’ve done it. I do go over by the top ropes and start moving one. It’s so close to the pair using the one next to it that it gets tangled in their rope. I get it free and put it back, a little surprised that I can still tie the figure eight (albeit a little too short).
2019, 05-07 Regular Dream - Semi-lucid Dream - Lucid Dream - Notes Note: I just has the longest and most epic dream I have had since forever! I took a melatonin pill last night to aid in recall and I have been reading dream journals here and thinking about dreams, and I think it is really helping! At least it did last night! I am at school. I am in a computer class and we are dividing up into groups. Allison is in the class, and a couple others that I know. I am wanting to be in Allison’s group but she ends up forming a group with others and I am left out, so I end up getting placed in a group where there is still room. I don’t know anyone else in my group and I am not happy with it. Class lets out and we all leave class. I am upset and I avoid Allison, but a bit later we both end up at a pool that is at the school. I was going to get in the pool but Allison and her friends are there. We get into it, we have some pretty heated words, it ends up with both of us really pissed off at the other one and we part ways. Later on I go to bed. I start dreaming. I find myself walking down a path at night that looks like some kind of fantasy forest. There are over-sized mushrooms that I think look like fairy houses and there are strange lights glowing amongst the trees. I think this fantasy world is not real, I must be dreaming. I do a nose pinch RC and I can breathe while pinching my nose. I become lucid. I now remember the argument I had with Allison and I feel awful about it, I want to find her in this dream and make up. I continue down the path, now I am calling out to Allison, hoping I can find her in the dream and apologize for my part in our earlier argument. I want to say I got more upset about being in a different group than I should have and we can’t all be in the same group so it’s no big deal, I said things I shouldn’t have. I get no answer, but I find a town. I fly over the town, calling Allison. There are people in the town looking up at me and pointing and talking. I keep flying and calling, looking for Allison. I fly over a larger city. I see a big display screen that’s showing the news. I get close enough to hear and I realize I am the news. The reporter is talking about the woman flying all over the place looking for her friend Allison and anyone with information should call in immediately. I keep flying and I see someone waving to signal me. I fly down and a woman says she saw Allison. I follow her to a theater that is dark and empty except for a few people. Allison is in one of the seats looking as upset as I feel. Her other friends are seated around her glaring at me. But they don’t interfere when I go over and sit down beside Allison and apologize for getting so upset. We make up and have a friendly hug and then I wake up. But it was a false awakening. I wake up in bed and sit up. I start talking about the dream to record on my iPad that I have set up with a voice activated recorder. I record as much as I can remember and then I stop. I rub my sleepy eyes and then my itchy nose. Then I notice that even when I had my nose pinched almost shut while rubbing it I could still breathe freely. I do a full nose pinch RC and I find I can still breathe. But that can’t be… am I still dreaming? I repeat the RC and become lucid as I realize I am still dreaming. I leave my room and I find my mom on the front porch of our house. She is just watching the birds around our bird feeder. I tell her that I am dreaming. She doesn’t believe me but I tell her I can prove it by making us both fly. She decides to humor me and let me try. We walk over to the stairs and I help her into the air. We both fly away from our house. My mom is amazed and now believes me. I fly with her down over the city, though the city is much larger than the actual city of Tucson where we live. My mom looks at a billboard that shows an advertisement for a live action version of the anime series Voltron. She seems interested in that so I tell her I can give her a better preview than that. I fly with her over to a tall building and we land on the roof. Once we are on the roof I walk over near the edge and yell, “VOLTRON!” The sound of my shout sounds like I just did a thu’um as done in Skyrim, it is extremely loud. And then the five lions arrive. The black, blue, green, red, and yellow lions fly in from different directions. I take my mom into the air again to get her the best possible view of the formation of Voltron. All five lions come together and Voltron is formed. The huge robot clearly has my mom impressed, which surprises me. I had never thought she would be interested in Voltron. I look at the advertisement billboard again. It lists the names of the pilots, but they aren’t the same pilots as in the anime. I specifically notice that the pilot of the blue lion is different, though it is still a woman. As Voltron seems to be showing off I see something else going on. A giant robeast version of Freddy Krueger has arrived on the scene! I land on a building with my mom where we can see what is going on without being in danger. Voltron engages the robeast Freddy Krueger in battle. The fight goes for a bit, but then it looks like Voltron is losing! Voltron forms the Blazing Sword but Freddy knocks it aside! Freddy is laughing and knocks Voltron down into some buildings. Voltron isn’t getting up. I tell my mom that maybe I have to stop Freddy because an actually dreamer has to do it, an element of the dream won’t be able to do it. I leave my mom and fly towards Freddy. I use my voice sounding like a thu’um again, but this time I say, “I have the power!” I transform into something that looks like She-Ra from the old cartoon, but I’m too small! I repeat the thu’um “I have the power!” several more times, growing larger with each repetition. Now I am equal to Freddy in size. I am ready to fight him now. I go over to engage Freddy in battle. We grapple for a bit, I push Freddy away from me and then fus him right in the face with one loud and powerful, “FUS RO DAH!” Freddy flies backwards and crashes into a couple of buildings, landing not far from Voltron. I go over to the fallen Voltron and pick up the Blazing Sword. Freddy gets back up and comes at me, I fight him using the Blazing Sword as a single handed sword. I have him retreating, he is trying to block sword attacks with his finger knives and it isn’t proving too effective. Now Freddy backs off a bit, he seems to be trying to connect to the dream around him with tentacles that look like those of the daedric prince Hermaeus Mora from the Elder Scrolls games, the tentacles are grabbing onto and boring into the dream world, changing it into a nightmare wherever the tentacles touch. I take flight and cut the tentacles with my blazing sword as quick as I can to keep him from transforming the dream. When I have cut all the tentacles I fus him again and this time while he is down I run the sword right through his chest where his heart should be. This time it works, and he lets out a loud cry of rage or pain or both before he turns to dust. I am looking at the huge pile of dust when I wake up to my cat’s meows. I am annoyed at my kitty because I’m afraid she will keep me from remembering the dream. I do a quick nose pinch RC to find I really am awake this time.
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