lucid

I was in the house and realised that I was dreaming again. This was the third dream of the night but I had not ben able to get out of the house because I was distracted. This time i had set the goal of exploring and flying around. So this time I got out and found I was in the back yard of the 5 acer house. So I ran twards the back yard. I jumped up and phocused on the wind and felt it flowing around me and I flew up and by phocusing on the direction and wind currents I was able to fly up. I flew above the clouds and saw a map like a game map but real. It had like the fog of war on the land. I was able to tell there were 4 buildings placed at the heart tips of a heart shaped 4 leaf clover. I had come from the north leaf. About 30 mi from the sandstone asteck pyramid. That leaf was to my left and to my right was the south leaf and on its lower right heart bump was a brown desert with rocks and a carnival. Later I learn that lucidity is kept difrently or rewarded difrently in each leaf. In the lower it was an pvp rpg system where you got rewards for exploits. There was lucidity packets and rewards that could help you phisicaly (odd but it seems to be a recurring theme in my dreams stuf there can give you wealth in a certain aspect or talent in skills). Later when I saw a rich person's house where I apparently went to perform a counsltashion for the mother who married a non natural lucid man and where wondering about how to make him more natural at it. Theas people were rich and they had paid for a stairway to heaven. This was basically where they built their steps to cultivate lucidity. This was built with tiles that interlock that had difrent gradients and give. Basically to make yo pay a certain type of attention when walking the stairs. Every step was difrent.

Two nights ago I had a semi-lucid, I was in my mom's old house, my view traveled from her room down the hallway to my room. The room was a slightly dark and blurry so I brought my right hand in front of me and said "Clarity Now" while snapping my fingers, bringing the room into clarity and making it bright. I was seated on the floor and started to become aware that I was dreaming. I took my right hand and slowly pushed it through my left hand and it went straight through, unfortunately this did not send me into a full lucid dream.

Last night I dreamt I was in a location that was located in Richmond but it was also shifting to different layouts too, it was closer to my apartment building. I was walking down the street which looked like the aisle of a Target or Walmart but the roof was open and the lighting was similar to being on the street at night. There were different sections where people were stopping off at, I stop at this sort of run down shop that in my mind is a bar. There are tables with people sitting at them, I see one guy with glasses and a plaid blue shirt on and I'm thinking this is someone from my work but he didn't see me so we didn't acknowledge each other, he's there with what I think is a tinder date. I'm sitting on a couch and I remember playing some sort of racing game on a TV, there was a bar to my left and a pool table in front of me. At the pool table is a group of girls, it was strange because they pulled their pants/underwear down to their ankles and were dancing to music playing, they had sort of teleported to the couch I was on and then were back at the pool table.

I left the bar and wandered down a dark street, to the left of me was the Hof which is a rooftop bar, there was a crowd below and I heard PUP playing, to me it was around 1:45AM in the morning and they had just ended their set which was disappointing but I thought I had caught one of their songs. Eventually I'm with Liz and Aly and a few other people in the group, I tell them about the bar I was at and bring them to it. We were there for a little bit but that eventually ended.

Next I was outside of Target near my hometown, a lot of people from my high school were in there. I was running into some of them in the parking lot including a friend Grace and when I called out to the person next to her it was not the person I thought, another person was in the car. I greeted other people I knew inside the Target, in my mind I had been looking for Liz but couldn't find her. I was eventually back on the sidewalk and it was people from my highschool walking past me going to their respective classes. I had long hair and I could see out of the right corner of my eye a family friend with a long hair too, I made a comment about how "the flow was back in style" or something, another older family friend walked by but he seemed indifferent when I said that to him too, I muttered something like "well that was a stupid comment" and walked back towards the Target. Inside was a class going on and I was sitting on the outside because there wasn't enough room inside, at some point the teachers comes out to me and asks me a question.

I'm inside the Target which looks like an open lab, at some point I'm on the ground in a SP situation where I can't move a muscle but I can hear this electronic song in my head and thought Grant had made it. The dream is now outside at this town on the beach, I'm thinking something about family guy and being with those characters in rivers/sewers going through the town.

I am with a friend and we're trying the racing simulation Assetto Corsa Competizione then the car turns into a horse and the game turns into a GTA game and i turn into a savage and decapitate a knight with a very shiny armor.

The dream changes itself into a role playing game. There are three characters. It's about a family thats working in a motel. This dream was just a very bad acted soup opera i shouldn't even write it down

Before going to sleep i had set an alarm but this dream was so bad, it woke me up anyways so i cancel my alarm because i don't want it to ruin my LD that i'm gonna have right now. I take a sip of water and get into my sleeping position, i am seeing some vivid images and as i'm about to fall asleep i get excited and wake up, then try it again and again.


At last, i'm in a dream. I'm in a dream! I'm in an industrial area with lots of buildings and i'm near one of them. There is a car beside me but everything is so low res, it's GTA:Vice City level. I want it to look better and it does, now the graphics looks like GTA:V ! I don't worry about it too much and get inside the building. There is an office with two people in it. Now everthing looks like real life or maybe more sharp. One old guy and one old lady. I remember my goal about eating a chocolate cookie in an LD because i was very envious that KatBee did it and that old lady may give me what i want! I ask the lady for a cookie and she says "grab a file from there and follow me." I do as she says and we're going inside the factory.

It's just a dirty old factory i say to myself while following the old woman. I see a mirror on the way and want to check how i look in LD. I was almost the same except for my eyes, they looked smaller. I remember about the cookie and run to the old lady. We go up some stairs and now we're in another office but this place looks so much nicer than the rest of the factory. She gives me the cookie, and it's very good! The crunch, the taste, awesome. But i remember something, my plan before going to bed was go to Adventure Time world and get a cookie from Bubblegum. Even though i ate a cookie, it's time to go there!

The office i'm in has a balcony, i step outside and look at the view, there is some parks with trees and after that it's sea. It's a good view but i need to go to Candy Kingdom! I turn around and imagine the Candy Kingdom behind me and when i turn back, it's there! Now i need to fly, i try to levitate of the ground but i hesitate and fall to the ground. I remember what i read about dream control, if you fear something, it's probably gonna happen. I just jump from the balcony, i lose some altitude but manage to fly!

I fly towards the Candy Kingdom. I'm doing some cool moves like a fighter plane, the view is amazing, the feel of flying and the wind, smell (smelled like cherry there), taste in my mouth from the cookies, it's just so much! Started to cry in my sleep because it was just so beautiful.

I wake up feeling very light, happy and energetic, even though i just slept for 5 hours tops.

LD 120 - Gliding and Flying Again
After struggling to fall asleep again, I sink into my thoughts about my sister keeping a vlog on youtube, which happened in a previous dream. While thinking about commenting on the videos and stuff, a dream has formed around me. I’m gliding on the floor of an empty apartment and spinning too. I’m in a resting position like in waking life, but just spinning and gliding. Suddenly I’m outside on a sunny day, gliding on a street through a city. My thoughts rationalize slowly that I must be dreaming.

I continue to glide down the street until a store stops me. I don’t want to go inside again, I remember struggling to get outside in previous lucids. I stand up and start flying over the city. I cross over a small river and notice there’s a dark spot covering half of my vision. It’s my waking life hand that’s resting on my face. I try to ignore it and make it go away, but I focus on it too much and wake up.

10pm screens off, took melotonin, dreamleaf supplement, and about one tablespoon of raw honey and MCT oil.
10:30pm in bed, meditation, dream yoga visualization practice, mantra: breathing in, I remember my dreams, breathing out, Lucid Dream TONIGHT.
3:30am WBTB, only long enough to take galantamine, second DreamLeaf pill, and go back to sleep

My first memorable dream, I was at a friend's house, and he had told me he had broken up with his girlfriend two days prior, and we started fooling around a little, but his roommate woke up and heard us and shamed him for hooking up with me so soon after his breakup. He left, saying he should stay with a friend since this was a bad idea, and I kept trying to assure everyone that it was okay, this is only a dream! But I wasn't entirely sure, so I started trying to check to make sure, at which point I fell head first off the bed into an almost black area where all I could see was the floor, and I was alone. The patterns on the wood floor were moving, and I bounced around strangely, and even though I was alone at this point I said SEE, this IS a dream! But with nothing around me, and several failed attempts to summon a portal midair, I tried to phase my hand through the floor.

This is the first time I've successfully manipulated a LD! I put my hand to the floor, thought about how it would feel to phase through it, and blamo! I pushed the rest of my body through, looking for a wilderness dreamscape to forage for food in (task of the month!). I get to another empty, warehouse like area, and my sister Anna is there, pointing to a structure that I climbed, leading to an outdoor area. There was woods and grass but also a bar with several bowls of berries and other foods; I open a jar at the far right of the table, and although there are gnats flying around it, I pick a large chocolate chip cookie from the jar, and begin to eat it. Delicious. I wake up.

I don't move, and allow myself to fall back asleep. I reenter the dream world. I'm in an area with several shops, it's raining. I know I'm in a dream, and I'm walking around (rather awkwardly) looking for a door or other portal. A little girl is following me. I hold out my arms and feel the raindrops hit my skin, my arms are red. I rub my hands together for stability. I find a shop with large windows, press my hand against it, then through it, and then step through. In this room are several tables with members of my family, and on the wall is a picture from my sister Tina's wedding. I feel deep love. I look back to the window, and see my reflection. For the first time, I'm able to change my appearance in front of a mirror. I guess I was hoping to go to the Land of Oz, so I try to make myself look like Dorothy. It doesn't exactly work, and I revert back to my normal reflection. Good effort. As I begin to walk through the window to look for Oz, my cat jumps on my bed and wakes me up.

When I finally get back to sleep, after writing down notes to remember the previous 3 dreams, I'm somewhere with bad guys, and they're looking for me. I'm able to use telekinesis to throw them around, but from behind a wall, so I don't actually see this but rather experience it as a puppeteer would. I wake up when one of them finds me.

I've never had MULTIPLE LD's in one night, or managed to do a DEILD. Very happy with my progress!
Side note: does anyone else dream about writing in their DJ and wake up to realize they didn't jot down any notes? This keeps happening to me. I also seem to remember hearing sounds as if someone was on my roof, thinking it was real, then realizing it was just HH and that this was the in between dream state.

Awake|Dreaming|Lucid

I have waken up the past two nights with the mantra I am going to wake up after each dream and remember it, all according to StaySharp's post, "The Dream Recall Compendium". I have waken up at different times of the night all from 23:40 to 04:50. But the cool thing is that I think I have found my natural awakening time. All these three nights I have waken up 16:15 +-5 minutes and can't resleep! It's pretty amazing. I also think that my awareness in dreams get better when I wake up after each dream because now I have had two lucid dreams in two nights.

Bamse appears and there is some fight between him and someone else. Lille Skutt throws a Dunderhonung to him and Bamse gets really strong and punches the evil person way up to the skies.

I am home and dad has a mini submarine with a laser pointing forward. My mind enters some kind of a TV-screen and I watch some kind of movie about solving the pussel with this submarine and the laser. I am back in my home and Klaus is also there. He takes a look at the submarine, looking at it from different angels and says that he loves things like this. The next dream is strongly tied with this one.

Maria, my chemistry teacher, shows up and tells us to solve the pussle from the last dream. There are many videos and they are mostly underwater videos. My PE teacher Per comes and we are to go canoeing. I am in the back of the canoe but I fall over all the time. I blame the other ones for being bad in my mind because I don't do that usually. Our canoe is really long and all my class of 12 people fits. There is a huge boat in the sea and the goal is that we paddle to it. I fall into the water and decides to swim after the boat, pushing it forward instead. My PE teacher shouts out "That's another way you can do it on!" and laughs. We come up and Tasnim and Wencai talk about how this school thing is worth doing because they save much time by doing it. I am confused and gets really tired. I start to snore but I'm not sure if it was in the dream or if I was half sleeping in my bed because I wake up afterward.

I'm outside school and I realize it's a dream. I look around and see all these people from church, some missionaries and more. I'm not sure if it's a dream anymore so I pinch my nose and try to breath, it works. Cool, I fly to the trees and there is a very big eagle in a tree in its nest. The eagle has big black coat looking wings that stretch out. That freaks me out a little but I keep on going. As I walk I stabilize the dream by touching the trees and my face. When I touch my face its a little bit like cold sandpaper and I get even more aware that its a dream. I enter my school and there are loads of people there. I walk to the left and the school is not actually like my real school. There is a desk and two old teachers I recognize. I say hi. I go into my swedish teacher's room and hit her with a big vase, expecting her to fall down and the vase to break. None of that happens and she grabs me and carry me out. I remembered that I read that you shoudn't hit your dream characters because they are a part of you. I realize I have messed up and I should've apoligize I think now. I keep on going outside. I meet with another girl in my age and we interact.

Possible recurring elements: My home, school, classmates, waters

Notes: I dreamt about Bamse because I thought of him yesterday. The submarine is probably because I live by the coast and it's kind of natural for me. Maria is the teacher most common in my dreams. It's cool how I realized it was a dream, I'm amazed by myself! Good job myself. I love birds and the eagle was a sign of my bird side. I forgot to do my goals in the LD but it was still fun.

These are the three moments I achieved lucidity since the quarantine began, which all happened before I made an account.
1. I was walking along a gravel path, with someone, who exactly I don't remember. I remember seeing a green sign with white writing along the path, and realizing the words made no sense, I looked at my hands to confirm this was a dream. Clear as day, my pointer finger on my left hand split into two at the middle knuckle, and my right hand had an additional one or two fingers. I realize that YES this is a dream! Looking up, I see an amazing autumn scene around me. The gravel path goes on Northwest for a long while, and in front of me a valley of bright green grass with a row of trees with the most vivid and colorful red, orange, and yellow leaves grow along the far side of the field. I could feel the gravel crunch beneath my shoes, the warmth of the sun, the coolness of the breeze. Just as I decide to do something to influence the dream in some way, it fades away. I'm left with an overwhelming sense of peace.

2. I'm in my apartment kitchen, looking at my hands, doing a reality check. The clock on the stove isn't making any sense. I know this is a dream, but its very dull and dim. I rub my hands together, keep looking at my hands in an attempt to bring the dream into focus. I close my eyes and can't open them again, everything is black. I think, SCREW IT, and throw myself backwards, hoping to land in another dream. Instead I fall off my bed, spinning and falling in total blackness, until the dream ends and I wake up in my bed.

3. After several other vivid dreams, I find myself at a large body of water in a tropical place, possibly Nicaragua. There are wooden platforms, like docks, that start on the side of this body of water that I'm travelling from, and connect to the other shore. Along these docks are these sort of porch set ups, where people are hanging out. I'm walking across these platforms and about halfway across, I stop to look at the sea. It's stunningly blue and beautiful, and I think, yes, this is a dream. I rub my hands, count my fingers, and say CLARITY NOW several times until the scene is relatively stable and in focus. I see a boy I used to have a crush on from highschool, walk over to him, and try to kiss him. He rejects me, becomes someone else, and then I wake up, probably from the dissapointment. I wish I'd jumped into the water and gone swimming instead.

Awake|Dreaming|Lucid

This is amazing. I have had some LDs in the past but I just became aware that I was dreaming, I have never asked myself the question "is this a dream?" (as I can remember). Yesterday I did RCs like 20 times and it apparently worked! I mostly pinched my nose.

I am in the TV room. I inspect a painting on the wall. I pinch my nose out of reflex since yesterday and I can breath even tough I shouldn't be able to. It's a dream!! I am really happy and continue to look at the painting a little bit more. I am amazed by the quality and all the details of this dream and start to go outside. I have just stepped out and wonder if I should stabilize the dream but since it is a DILD and because of the quality of the dream I think that it is already stabilized. Suddenly my left eye is closed and I try to reopen it, but I can't. I am really struggling, it is almost like I got a fit. My right eye is also closing and I wake up... Guess I should always stabilize the dream when I become lucid?

I am in some strangers home downstairs, my family and Klaus are also there. My parents seem to know the people whose house we are in. There is a TV-screen on the floor and the other family asks us if we want to play a video game on the TV with them. My brother suddenly becomes this small, sticky ball. As big as an eraser. He jumps into the TV and possesses it. He tries to hurt us but we stop him. He suddenly jumps out of the TV and bounces into the kitchen. We follow. He possesses some kitchen tools and throws them at us. He then possesses a big box of knives. A person jumps over the box as to stop the knives from being thrown at us. The knives are being thrown anyway. They all target me and there are some close calls. But as more knives are thrown, the remaining knives start to lose more and more of their edges. The knives disappear and in comes Klaus with a big plastic bucket with boiling water. He drops the water over the possessed box and my little brother dies. Firstly I become enraged and my anger is pointed at my smaller brother. I walk out on the doorsteps and after a while I become really sad and get a feeling of hopelessness because my brother is now dead.

I chew and I am irritated because i chew so badly. I chew from side to side instead of up and down. I am thinking about my sister and how she doesn't like it when I chew aloud. That's about everything I remember

Possible recurring elements: My home, Family, Hopelessness

Notes: I dreamt about the family asking us if we wanted to play video games because we played some TV-games at my cousins yesterday. My brother tried to kill me in the dream because I and he had a bad day yesterday. We had some word fights and I would like to believe that this dream is a sign how destructive those little fights are. I am going to keep this dream in mind next time I think about saying something mean to him. I will rather say something nice. The hopeless feeling i got when I realized my brother was dead is much like in the past DJ episode yesterday when I escaped my family.

I was across the street from my apartment at a bike shop, was going in and out of the store.

Woke up extremely tired, laid flat on my back and could feel myself going back into a dream state. My body got very stiff and it felt like I was high all over my body, the lower left part of my back started to cramp up a little bit. My body was floating upwards, it was very difficult to breath but I was breathing out of my mouth. I kept thinking I was going to be dreaming and I flew into a dream. The dream scene was over a lake with trees lining both sides and a city in the distance, the main colors were purple and orange, it felt like it was dusk. Everything was very vivid as I was flying over the lake but my vision started spinning, it would spin quickly to one side and then shift directions to the next. I tried to get a hold of the dream by clasping my hands together and rubbing them but the dream collapsed. It reopened into a zany cartoon view, the colors were mainly bright yellow and red, there was a cartoon character walking exaggerated across my view.

Created Monday 11 May 2020

Finally got around to doing a proper WBTB. And some results to show for it. Too bad there's a bunch of non-LD content missing...

Scrap Group 1
Repeated dreams with similar themes. Each time, I wanted some specific thing, then didn't moments later.

Dream 1 - Deadbrush Forage

Various forgotten events before this point. The visuals were slightly blurred. I was in field of very tall grass and wild overgrowth, a cloudy brown twilight sky above. Although abundant, the plantlife was terribly dehydrated, and in many cases, long dead.

After a minute of looking around, I (somehow) got aware. I tried summoning and eating a Marloss Berry, either by imagining it, or by reaching behind me, both to no effect. So, I moved on to a TOTM, the foraging one coming to mind. I sorted through the grass, but I hardly found anything, just chaff. Next, I picked some flowers, daisies, I think. Wasn't sure whether their heads and stems were edible. So, I pulled the roots in hopes of finding a starchy vegetable. A few did indeed seem to have some growths on them. Eventually, I dug out what seemed a lumpy, violet potato. It was quite large, just a few inches bigger than my outstretched hand. Well, that works for me.

I then looked towards thickets, when I noticed a large, bright purple, radish-shaped fruit growing on a branch. It looked shriveled, but probably still edible. I picked that as well.

Seemed like a good enough forage for the moment. On to sampling. But before that, there was the matter of cleaning; both products were plainly dirty. I didn't have any water in hand, let alone finding clean water in dried brushland. Nothing a Prestidigitation spell couldn't fix. With a gesture, the food was instantly rid of dirt.

Finally, chow time. I bit into the wrinkled fruit. It tasted much more bitter than expected. It retained a hint of flowery fragrance, but that really didn't improve the flavor. I was about to take another bite, but noticing a bug crawling out of a small hole made me think otherwise.

I was gonna eat the potato, but the dream collapsed too soon for me to do such.

Scrap Group 2
Unconscious transition during a Dreamwalking WILD attempt. I was in an unlit apartment building. Ruined constructions and furnishings made it apparent this place was abandoned. To the left was a stairway made from tiles. I starting climbing up, during which I noticed it had a very familiar arrangement. It then occurred to me this followed the same exact path I take during Dreamwalking, triggering awareness. But soon, something distracted me, something I thought dangerous. I ran back downstairs, only to forget why I got there, and climbed back up. Repeat again of temporary awareness, climbing up, evading a hazard, running downstairs, then loop. There were other things I did during brief moments of lucidity, but I can't recall.

I was at the pond I was lucid I was runing over the water and was trying to learn to walk on water I could run over it as long as I was going fast enough. Lindsey went over into the pond with her car by where the coys tend to congregate. I saw my dads, dad as an 18 year old. I pulled the car out of the pond with tk. The car was going in sideways and I knew that was bad because if it fell regularly she had a greater chance of geting out un injured. So I puld the car on shore because I could. She seemed kind of upset about me pulling her out. I was then walking with dad on the highway talking about his dad and stuff we went around this blockade and under a bridge into a public park with a pool. And that is where I learned the phisics of water walking and of how Josh or the water spirits wanted to pull me down. I am pretty shure they think me one of them becaus of how I frequently breath underwater.
(So if I run I am able to basically negate weight by semi flying without aculy doing so. Like runing on sand. But when I got to the pool I put my hands on a post and tied to stand on the water I thought it would be like ice when doing so but it turned out to be more like sand where if you pushed against it, it would give. So I started to try to give to it instead kind of like spreading my weight but more in a upside down bull fashion. Like imagine your feat as points then make them circles like a plunger shape. Cone like. This is not technick but understanding of the fundamental principle behind the mechanics. ) Less lucid dream powers tend to come from this understanding.)
Later I was also fighting this guy with scalpels and scissors. He was bad I worked for the queen and was young I think I was a reincarnator and I had some people that were working with me kids mostly and I kiled most of his band before they could react. The fight with him was a stalemate until one of my people came back with his sisors and was able to cut his indestructible wepons with them.
Lucidity 2/10
Vividness 3/10
Realism 7/10

I was very tired when I went to sleep today, still, I made the OBE in about 15 minutes after I laid to bed.
There was darkness, but I saw my surroundings. Nothing was out of normal. I was feeling tired even in OBE, still I held my consciousness concentrated on searching of something new. I didn't find anything out of ordinary anywhere I went. I drifted slowly through air... After few tens of minutes I decided to return to my body and go to sleep. Only... My body didn't hold me inside... I kept drifting out of it. I was unable to connect to it. I tried to reconnect to body approximately three times. I found it interesting... there was no fear, I was just feeling mentally tired. So I let it be and loosened the concentration on existence there... this caused slip into unconsciousness after a few minutes. I have woken up morning as usually, inside of body.

I had very long WILD today. I went to bed at 0:45AM and entered LD directly via flashes of the images. I remember only a little from this LD... It lasted for very long. It was basicaly travelling and exploring everything I saw.
It started on meadow lit by the Sun. I was there with my second brother. I told him that we are dreaming together. He was looking skeptic, but he was still conscious enough to not look like dream zombie. Firstly we walked for tens of minutes through wood, then we came out to some old settlement. The houses were in bad shape. Old and decaying. I went from one house to other, exploring what was inside. My brother didn't want to do that, but he followed me nevertheless. Insides of houses was predominantly made of old wood. Everything was covered with thick layer of dust. Spider nets were everywhere. I tried to find someone, anyone there- I found nobody. After what felt like hours, I looked on my brother- he had vacant look in his face. His eyes were dark without white around pupils. He just stood there. Like dream zombie could. I asked him what was happening with him.
He just told me: You don't belong here.
I tried to wake him out... to no avail. So I said: I'm going to find my soulmate, there is nothing of interest here.
On that he reacted: Again? Stop doing that. She deserves what she has got.
Nobody deserves the suffering, even if it is reaction on something. She needs help. And I need her help. I retorted while I started to levitate. I flew to entrance and outside- my brother didn't follow, he just stood where he was.
I flew for long time, searching. I didn't manage to find her.
I have exited the LD at about 3:32am. Reentering the LD wasn't successful.

Lucid but too short

It seems like I am walking through a park late at night in calgary. Something like Proncess island park because I am coming from a bridge. I get a sense that I'm dreaming almost instantly. Because it is night out, a blackness fills my field of vision. I begin touching the ground where some sand is immediately to try and incorporate my senses into the dream. It stabalizes momentarily but then I remember an old DV post, from someone who once prolonged a dream by trying to eat a tree. becuase that incorporates many physical sensastions such as touch, taste, smell, texture etc. I then remember i had passed a tree by the bridge earlier. I seemilngly teleport there and try to eat it but fade out before anything happens. Damn...

Hate this dream

This dream involved Jamie but she wasn't necessarily in it.. Started I was getting a visit from my brother and we were walking around houses or open markets or something. He's visiting in real life since i can't make my trip to the USA because of travel restrictions due to the pandemic... In the dream I ask if he's watched Star Trek Picard yet? He says no. I tell him I'll get yet another month of Crave so we can watch it while he visits. He says okay but he is grossed out by something and leaves.

It appears I am surrounded by Gay people having orgies... umm okay. everything is very graphic. It's also on computer monitors throughout the street or houses I am in. It makes sense as I run into an old co worker from 2011 Gil. Who i know IS gay. We are in a room with some women in it and he says he knows Jamie and runs into her occasionally, there's a place or street he goes to and he runs into her 1 in 3 times. I find it odd that he might know her. One of the women says, "Oh no your another guy she's used." implying i'm a long list of guys she has discarded. in Her condition is makes sense. people with BPD rarely settle down with anyone for long periods of time, so many embrace a more open lifestyle, of never sticking with anyone. She DID give the impression of a serial dater when I knew her. and stopped talking to me altogether years ago... I ask the woman if we are talking about the same Jamie and give her her full name. and she says, "yes, that's the one." Gil says again, "We can still try to run into her there's a 1 in 3 chance." I stand there and try to justify myself for a second of trying to hold onto her. Fact: She can't even manage a simple "hi," after years. I am forever discarded, Even of she reads my dreams she would never ever talk to me again, I would get a fraction of a second of a look once she realizes who I am, and completely shut down towards me.

I wake up while thinking all these things. This dream really bothered me for a few days after... and it actually kind of upsets me to write it down.

Jamie

Another fraction of a second dream whew i am walking with jamie, and she seems "normal," walking arm in arm. But that's all I get for the week.

OGRE

Scary dream. i am in a house filled with monster or something. I find a kitchen where a mad scientist works. I walk past a living room where a giant guy about 8 feet tall is cutting hair off a lamb and muttering to himself, "Ah yess so smooth will be your skin, like butter it will be to eat..." I am frightened by the scene and hid above a shelf in the kitchen. The scientist is walking back into the kitchen. So I dart out past the living room again. Now a whole heard of 30 or so sheep are in the living room getting their wool cut off from the same guy. His brother enters the room who is like 16 feet and i realize the soft sheep are for his brother. I wonder if he eats them alive. I don't stick around to find out. The dream ends as soon as I leave.

#536 Random DILD in the first 30 to 45mins of laying down for the night.

I have a false awakening and start to go outside. It is extremely windy and the storm door slams back on me. It sort of doubles and starts to fall apart. I say I am a software developer. I don't have time for this (Uh what that's not true) I step back and close the main door but I can't because that door is now coming off the hinges. I see the screws and everything fall out. I'm like what the hell? Then it dawns on me this HAS to be a dream. I am quite relieved. I say oh thank the good lord (weird I am atheist).

I turn away from the door mess but realize my hands are down the front of my hands and stuck to the waist band. I struggle to pull them out but can't. I am now aware that the TV is on. Someone is making a horribly creepy whining/moaning sound. reeeereeereeee. I hate is. This is some Stephen King shit. I say Oh shut up. SHUT UP STUPID TV!. It won't stop. Now I realize I am letting the dream get me emotional. I relax myself and begin the metal process of just letting it all go and imagine none these problems are happening. I guess I relax too much because I quickly wake up. I lay still for a moment hoping DEILD but I am too awake for that.