lucid

I was in my gym from primary school. A male gym teacher was there and I was doing normal exercises with some other kids. Everyone else left but for some reason I stayed and Marcus arrived and said one thing.

"When aliens arrive they will be so different to us that we will not even understand them as beings."

Then, floating in the middle of the gym appears a large sphere, about five meters around. It is made of mercury or a metallic silvery material that is highly reflective; almost mirror like and his hollow with holes allowing me to see inside. The mirror layer has fluid properties and is constantly shifting with new holes opening and old ones closing as the liquid flows around but always maintaining a perfect sphere. Inside the mercury layer is a cluster of crystals; which had a distinct milky pink color and were constantly growing and shrinking, and glowed slightly with pink light. They mostly stayed inside of the sphere but every so often the crystals would briefly spike outside of the sphere before shrinking back in again. The being also had a bluish white aura of light surrounding it; somehow not conflicting with the pink glow of the crystals or the sliver mirror component.

In retrospect the level of detail and actual appearance were really good... better than I think I could ever perceive with my IRL eyes. I can't really describe it lets just say it looked really good.

The alien (who for the remainder of this entry I will be naming Mirrorball) opens a dialogue with me, communicating in dreamspeak with simple thoughts and no distinct words. Mirrorball tells me it wants to show me something. I become Lucid as it invites me to fly with them. They deconstruct the gymnasium, exploding it outward; each seperate brick, wooden floor panel, roofing panel, screw and support beam floating separately like an exploded view. The both of us take off through the middle, flying up through the clouds and into space. Accelerating exponentially faster with each second we quickly hit relativistic speeds and are flying past stars and eventually break out of the milky way.

We continue flying, seeing the huge sponge-like structure depicted in extremely large scale depictions of the universe. Mirrorball informs me we are going well beyond the current sphere of earth can observe of the universe due to the speed of light and expansion of spacetime. More filaments come into view as the universe seems to becoming more densely packed with galaxies and stars. We start to slow down, flying into a vast galaxy. I'm intuitively aware that its at least a billion lightyears across; countless 'smaller' galaxies wrapped into it into it. We fly in near the center to a vast star cluster in a dense nebula impermeable to vision but glowing with the activity of hundreds blue giant stars. These stars are ringed in vast constructs, rings and spheres drawing off matter and energy and surrounded in countless planets much larger than earth covered in the lights of cities. Some of the planets look odd, like sections of the surface have been detached or removed intentionally and are on low orbits nearby. Taking a low trajectory we fly very low over the photosphere of a blue giant star, beneath a huge arc of plasma. It was during this time that I felt the burning heat of the star, and a strange prickle of radiation permeating me.

We arrive at the center of this hub of activity; an immense symmetric mandala-like structure built around the largest of the stars at the apex of the cluster, partially shrouded in a cloud of glowing gas which fades from blue to purple to red to a muddy brown as it goes out. I'm positively awe struck, not necessarily by the sense of scale or what I'm seeing but in what great detail and color I am able to see it. I try to hide the fact that I think I am not ready for whatever this is.

Mirrorball senses this thought and reassures me that he would not have come had I not been ready. Seven other members of his race/civilization then appear in front of me seeming to slowly expand into existence. Six are in a hexagonal constellation with the seventh in the middle. Though the seventh is larger and has more variation in his crystals and aura which rather than just pink are pink, blue, cyan and green. His metallic layer is also tinted slightly blue, like liquid osmium. I immediately assume that he is some leader or authority figure for this civilization and am informed that this is correct. I can also sense that while the six surrounding him and the og mirrorball who is still next to and slightly behind me are separate entities each with slightly varied temperaments and personalities.

Leader Mirrorball informs me that his civilization has technically existed since before the big bang and when the universe was created his civilization "impregnated" the universe through a sexual metaphor. Explaining that their father civilization created a "sperm" which impregnated the universe and was now inserting its genetic material. He explains that humans are the genetic material of the egg and that once we have sufficiently advanced and our civilizations have made contact we will grow into a singular greater being. He goes on to explain a little bit about his civilization explaining how they are 0-dimensional beings of pure will folding the fabric of spacetime through consciousness and the constructs I see surrounding them are just perturbations caused by their immensely powerful souls altering spacetime.

I begin to wake up. OG Mirrorball informs me it is time to return home with this information in hand.

Created Monday 21 September 2020

Man, this is such a relief. Got a WILD and some scraps today.

Spoiler for another wordy LD:

Scrap Group 1
Working in one of my old jobs.

Something about wandering around during a grey day. I was in an altered version the south-eastern parts of town, between some of the shopping district.

Dream 1 - Chao's Containment Vault

The visuals were a bit blurred, but clarified over time. WILD transition in bed, so noted by the sound of my breath amplifying to deafening levels. I still felt my real-world body. So, I took a minute to sense my dream form. I started by imagining movement from my hands, then arms, and so on, until I'd enough presence to roll off bed.

I walk through the lounge, the only illumination a dim twilight peeking through the windows. Both housemates were up and about in the kitchen, rambling on about something or other. I ignored them in favor of rummaging through the fridge outright. There was a lot more food than usual. Notable items included a whole leg of roast pork, and a small chocolate chip cake in a cake keeper, both on the top rack. I tore out a few pieces of the roast. Would've been better heated, but it was quite fine nonetheless. The cake, on the other hand, was wickedly delicious. Not just its flavor, but the textures as well, a mix of thick, moist, soft, and crunchy that combined all too well. I helped myself to three big pre-cut slices.

Once satisfied, I hurried towards the front door. Two windows replaced the one normally beside it, specifically a short window atop a larger one. Looking out the clear twilight, I floated up, then tried phasing to launch myself into space. But, as has happened recently, I was repelled.

The dream began collapsing into a pitch-black void. Acting quick, I dived back first through the ground to warp. I felt myself in bed momentarily. It took some concentration, and a lot of reassurance, for me to warp. Within less than a minute, I found myself floating in deep space. The stars were initially quite faint, then appeared rendered as in 16-bit, before clarifying to a more natural sight.

After enjoying the view, I beset myself towards a TOTY appropriate for the scene (the spaceship one, to be exact). I launched off at light speed (if not faster) further into the cosmos. The pressure of space twisting around blacked me out momentarily, but I endured, and regained consciousness with even greater clarity. A HUD was framed at the edges of my view, reading out random attributes. To the bottom-right was a rotating model of the Enterprise from Star Trek. Wasn't sure what any of this meant, nor was I willing to find out. Instead, I concentrated on locating the target ship via internal radar. As in a previous dream, a continuous beep was soon heard, which became louder and more frequent as I pressed on. Suddenly, an AR map was displayed ahead of me, charting stars on a seemingly endless grid. Both my target and myself occupied points within the same cell. Or, as I gathered, somewhere within the same solar system. I was close.

In a moment, I saw it: a rocket, blazing ahead. Anxious, I trailed it closely. After a short chase, the craft landed onto a reddish-brown planet. I did likewise seconds later. As expected from the view above, the immediate surface of this exoplanet was a rocky wasteland, nothing to see but stars and the ruddish-red rocks of the mountains.

After a brief search, I caught sight of the rocket, a yellow craft that was a lot smaller than expected, no bigger than 15ft in height. The captor aliens weren't far. I tensed myself for a fight. But, to my shock, I realized these were just Chao, the baby-like critter from Sonic Adventure. Each of them were dressed in silly little aluminum suits and glass dome helmets. As I gawked in awe, two of the Chao drew in, curious expressions on their faces, as several others shyly hung back. Their small frame was all too apparent as they got closer; they were barely taller than my knee.

Seeing such innocence made me regret what I had to do next. "Sorry, little guys...", I muttered out. With hurried trepidation, I began dismantling their rocket bit by bit, starting with the tip, then ripping out the thrusters, and continuing on. The Chao's plaintive flailing and whining made this all the more difficult. I kept telling myself "they'll rebuild it, they'll be fine", though I wasn't so sure...

Then, halfway through, I pulled out a large, hatch-locked steel container. No doubt the target captive was inside. I unsealed the door, pressurized air escaping with a dramatic hiss. Soon, a... thing crawled out, a long, spindly creature as black as pitch. It (tentatively) resembled a human-sized stickbug, albeit with four limbs, and no visible head. The Chao, upon seeing the captive set loose, wailed in panic. Something bad would happen if I just stood by, I could tell. Acting quick, I secured my charge in my arms, then blasted off into space.

I made sure to project a life-sustaining forcefield (colored beige) around us, just in case the liberated creature needed air and such. Next, I tried interfacing with it. "Do you know where your home is?", I asked. Besides feeling it squirm uncomfortably in my arms, I got no response. I cruised around aimlessly in space as I thought how I could deal with this. Just then, the dream collapsed in a void. I did my best to re-enter, but got no results. I woke up shortly afterwards.

Media References:

Spoiler for Chao from Sonic Adventure:

meta:
-------
bedtime: 23:00-30?
waking: 01?
waking: 03?
shocked awake 03:30 neighbor cutting firewood
Not making progress falling asleep , get up & sit in other room.
final waking 08?
Long time recalling dreams
get up: 09?
Fairly tipsy at dinner time, several glasses of wine. Steak & salad for dinner, plus remainder of our desserts (cheesecake and a chocolate cake thing), then our apple pie while watching a video
Watched video before bed

dreams:
-----------

early:
+ motorcycle ride on highway, turn right onto highway, a guy riding a fast (black) motorcycle streaks by me, weaving in and of traffic. I'm riding along and I come up on a guy riding a standard, I like the standard style and think about this. I think it's a Honda, and I'm weaving left and right of him to get a look at the model name on the gas tank but can't quite see it, but I think it's a Honda. The highway veers off to the left and I take the off-ramp to the right, I think I'm heading to city "A" (next to home city of B), the landscape is empty low hills. As I come to a stop sign I try to remember where the breaks are, on the left or the right handle. I remember the right handle, and squeeze the right handle bar break lever and push the right food lever. As I come to a stop I remember at the last minute that I need to downshift to first and quickly push down my left foot on the shift lever and click it a bunch of times to get to first gear. I start again and go slowly, this is not a powerful bike, but I feel like I'm holding up traffic and pull back on the throttle and speed up. The road goes up and to the right, then heads down, these are tight turns, very twisty, and I get the impression this road is not heading to a city but out into the wilderness. I have a feeling that I won't be able to make it back if I continue (I forget I'm on a motorcycle? I'm worried about the uphill portions on the return trip). I stop on a landing and look around, and a guy on a bike zooms approaching from the other direction up the hill, not visible because of the sharp elevation change, and jumps into my vision in the air and continues off, from my right to my left. I look around and see vague collections of orange-ish blurry dots in the distance. All around, spread out among the hills all around me, I think these are camp fires.

+ I'm playing basketball. I can't make a shot, and even layups won't go in. I'm playing with a cabbage instead of a basketball? I can't even make a simple layup. My opponents are goaltending and just blocking all my shots, really dominating me. The cabbate is in a large bucket of water/brine and a big leaf separates from the head and floats in the water.

later:
+ [epic, long, vivid, fairly present, two lucid moments]: I arrive to a new job at company N, I'm really happy and proud to be here. I'm walking in the corridor between cubicles in a large indoor office space. I show off my new badge on my right hip one of those id badge roller things. It is a sort of brownish mottled looking design without a picture, I think it's just a temporary badge. I soon come to a cubicle where a young guy is, blonde hair, (name of "Claus?"), I have a long technical conversation with him about the C model he's been working on (for 3 years?), he's finishing up this work.

I walk about some more, I see boyhood best friend MR and my mom approaching me down a corridor between offices (the wall) on the left and cubes on the right, there are people in front of them and I try to catch their eyes from a distance. I feel like MR meets my eyes and that we will have a mutual recognition, but it will be a surprise for him. My mom comforts a woman in front of her, a widower who lost her husband recently, my mom hugs her from the back but the woman doesn't want the comfort and shakes her off, the woman has a very pinched, bird-like face, it's an old, wrinkled face, 80+ years old. Her husband, someones [narrator?] says [or I remember?], was the man who saved Ev.McW.'s father [boy scout friend] [false].

Walking among the cubes, I see a tray of cookies, and I pick one up and take it with me and eat it. It is a medium size, circular, with a moist chocolate filling center, and surrounded by a ring (about 1/4 inch) of sprinkled seeds like sesame seeds.
I come across a guy and see his face clearly. At first I think it is RoWh, but Rob was fairly fat and this guy is thin. He's standing facing me, and I'm looking close at his face trying to place him. I say "I'm sure I've worked with you before." He and some other woman comment on the "tatoo" on my lip and this confuses me. They're talking about the cookie crumbles on my face and I'm a bit ashamed of this. Standing among the cubes, these people are now in their cubes and are wearing masks. I say that "I've been away from the workplace so long that I forgot that people wear masks now," and I'm concerned about the fact that I forgot to bring a mask and wonder where I'll get one.

I'm wondering now about the day's schedule, and if there will be an orientation. I find (or she finds me) my HR person managing my first day and she hands me a schedule. I look at it and see a number of hand written notes, and think the first entry is about 2pm, and I feel relief that I haven't missed anything because it must be far from 2pm still.

The HR lady brings me to a demonstration that a team is putting on on an open floor area. There are tons of little lego pieces spread evenly out over about a 1-square meter area. I step over this and try to avoid stepping on any of the pieces. The word "minefield" is spoken by somebody behind me. The demonstration begins, and little active "AI" pieces that look like flies, with ltitle moving legs, are gathering all the loose pieces together into a single flat area/pile so that there is no space left. This is using AI technology. That's the whole point: to gather up the pieces and bring them all together into an area with no space between them. The HR lady is also watching, she's wearing a white tank top and shorts, and she squats with with her knees out widely to watch the AI presentation.

+ [different scene?] I'm in mall walking among stores. I'm nose pinching to determine if I'm dreaming. The air seems blocked, but not completely. I can't tell if I'm dreaming or not. I keep repeating the nose pinch 3, 4, 5 times. Each time it seems like some air gets out but it's not flowing easily like it should. I concentrate on the feeling of my fingers on my nose, and it feels completely solid like a waking nose. I know that the nose pinch in a dream should feel like my airway is not connected to my dream body nose, but it seems in this case that it is. Unclear results of the RC [but I'm counting this!]

+ [back to the work dream] It's time for lunch now for the new hires, mingling with the employees. Standing in some corridor among the cubes, leaning up against a wall on a corner between hallways. The cost of lunch is $1.75. I'm not sure if the new hires are supposed to pay or not. I bring out my wallet and prepare three $1 bills. I'm trying to be coy about this and get somebody to say "no no new hires don't need to pay." A very large (tall and wide) screen across the open area on a far wall is displaying the two major lunch groups, with the names of long-time employees [so we can decide which group we want to be in?]. I go in. I see meet a guy I think I may know. He shakes my hand. He makes a gesture like "woah, your hand used to be all the way out here when you shaked before, you've lost a lot of weight." And then Ne.McK. (grad school friend) is there, I recognize him, he pulls up his shirt to show his abdomen, that he's lost weight, too.

I'm now thinking about someone else I knew, Jo.Sa. from high school. I can imagine his face, but have forgotten his last name. I think he's a colleague here, too. I'm wracking my brains trying to remember his first name, even though I know he worked at company A [true], he works at this company N now I think? I finally "remember" his last name, "PUSHKIN!" I exclaim. I ask the guys "hey, does he have Russian roots?" They say yes, "his family were landholders." I am excited to learn this information, and pump my first in the air and exclaim "Yes!"

+ I'm standing [still at work] at a printer(?) station. There is a young woman there, and a colorful scene/patch of sky across from me even though there's no window, and I'm looking at the quality of the colors and the clarity of her face, because I know it's a dream, and I want to examine how things look and feel in a dream.

[wake]

+ I'm in a vague indoor area with slanted floors on different levels. I'm carrying something and I put in in a shopping cart to bring it along with me. My old boss from comany P (in NY) is there, riffing on a guitar. He's quite good and the music is interesting. I think he's going to come with me on my walk through these rooms and he'll keep playing his guitar.

I am at my old high school, specifically in the weight room. Manei is there, demonstrating her ability to lift hundreds of pounds with relative ease. Though provided dream bodies don't degrade from inactivity (and the fact that everything is imagined, and just a construct with no physical limitations besides the ones imposed by my subconscious) this seems to be a rather pointless endeavor besides getting a dozen or so gym rats to oggle her in disbelief. I am spotting her and slowly becoming lucid as things progress. Eventually she decides she's done working out and the two of us leave.

We begin navigating a fairly faithful recreation of my high school though eventually arrive back in my bedroom in my new house. There is some unusual temporal stuff as this seems to be happening simultaneously with another event.

In it I am on the street in front of R's house at night, Manei and Marcus have followed me here. I am explaining an enhanced form that I had discovered my ability to access at some time ago. Manei doesn't seem convinced until I show her. How I went about changing forms wasn't easy and whatever I was trying to do, she thought I was just yanking her chain with the first couple failed attempts. But eventually I managed to get it. Now I would be lying if I said that I hadn't accessed this form before on a few occasions, but in the dream I expressed a familiarity with it that could only be explained by false memories or repressed memories of dreams that I haven't written down.

I first explain that this enhanced form comes with an extra set of arms; meaning that I have four arms rather than two. IIRC I documented another dream about the first time I experimented with an extra set of arms and how the first set of arms seemed to be my real arms and had much more intuitive control, where the lower set felt like extra and took more concentration to move. Since then I seemed to have developed an at least competent level of awareness and control for my second/third set of limbs. I also go on to mention that upon waking up I often feel as though a part of myself is missing and that I have "phantom limbs" where my second set of arms should be, at least for a few hours after waking up.

The dream transitions back to my IRL bedroom (though it seems to be an iteration of it before it was painted.) Rather unusually I'm in my waking life body (theres a mirror in my room to confirm that.) Manei is laying on my bed. This has come to define an entire genre of dream that has gone mostly undocumented on this site where I think she is expecting something else to happen here but every time it instead it turns into a therapy session for my personal grievances with life and existential dread.

Being in my WL body feels so restrictive, so lethargic, and slow by comparison. All of my dream control abilities that I would normally have access to seem restricted. My perception feels so linear and so fuzzy. This was something I've verbalized with her before. In dreams the world can sometimes seem so impossibly detailed, clear and vibrant that coming back to reality you sometimes feel like you're going through life with ear plugs in and looking down binoculars made of toilet paper rolls. I vocalize this by saying something to the extent of. "I'm trapped in a weak, fat flesh prison and every night my soul yearns to be free of its suffocating and claustrophobic embrace." Going on to explain that I feel like my body badly limits what my mind can perceive and do, and my mind limits how I want to think about the world and reality because its from a human perspective.

I can tell she thinks I'm being a bit overdramatic and waxing philosophical in my wording but seems to understand my plight. Though I cannot help that fact. In dreams, particularly lucid ones, I often find that when I commune with other dream characters I don't even say a particular dialogue. I communicate with concepts and ideas. If it does translate to a dialogue it can become stilted or somewhat awkward to write out. Hence why more and more my dream journals tend to omit this dialogue.

...

Second dream. Starts out in front of R's house as night. I remember having this device that looked like Captain America's shield but had a rocket engine in the center of it. Initially it seemed like a fairly useless contraption but I pretty quickly cobbled together that it could essentially be used as a hoverboard. Though it only has a single downward thrust vector and is thus very difficult to control. (Why my subcon seem to be so concerned with accurately emulating thrust vectors during flight for stability and maneuvering in the same dream realm where one can fly by sitting in a chair and then lifting up the sides is still a mystery but let's ignore that.)

Theres some flying. Theres a large OTD lake with dream characters swimming in it. Jak makes an appearance. Except he's comically muscular. His torso and arms are like the size of a house, but has a regular human sized head on him. He's trying to swat me out of the air but I'm dodging him for some time. Eventually I get careless and he lands a hit. I lose the flying shield and am stuck in the water.

...

I had yet another Lucid that started out in front of R's house at night. (This actually seems to be an extremely common dream location. I would make a note to mark it as a dream sign save for I always find myself lucid or at least semi lucid every time I arrive here.) This time around I decide to fly with my thrusters. Flying starts off low and slow but with a bit of encouragement I manage to ramp up the speed, impressed by how well the dream renders the nighttime clouds and lights of distant towns as I ascend higher into the atmosphere. Though rather quickly I begin to sense that I'm shooting off too quickly and start to fly off into space. Luckily I'm able to arrest this in time and begin orbiting earth.

I descend near a city in America, I believe it was supposed to be Chicago judging by the presence of the Willis Tower in the skyline but I landed in California. It was just after sunset. I began looking for Manei, making my way down the street to a beach. The dream was crowded with a lot of dream characters doing beach activities, buying food and concession stands, carrying surf boards and the like. Eventually I find her relaxing in a beach chair in a bikini. Though her form is minced with a male and has long curly black hair everywhere. Her pits, her stomach, her face, and a very noticeable bulge in her bikini bottom. I find this some combination of funny and just odd but try not to make a mountain out of it. If she had a dollar for every time I'd minced my physical form.

She gets up and we open a dialogue for a bit but the dream fades out pretty quickly.

My last entry was a tad more than a month ago. After shifting training methods to work exclusively on the fundamentals, I feared the steady state progress I was currently viewing would slow down momentarily. What I didn't expect was for it to plummet spectacularly. My dream recall took a brake for about a week, wake-back-to-beds were nerve-rackingly difficult to pull off, and for days I could barely get a full night's rest. But through it all I pushed on.

I began building awareness day by day up to this very last week when I saw glimpses of it seeping into my dreams. Were in prior entries I would innocently follow along the story, the last few nights brought questions against the logic behind each dream. Today, I am proud to see things getting back on track, with a new lucid dream. I want to point out I did attain one more lucid dream during my time away from this journal, I simply chose not to share it. I was debating if I should keep this new one to myself as well. The fact is, my dreams haven't gotten any more noteworthy than the rest. I think they've never been as special as other entries I've read around here. There are forty lucid dreams to my name and I haven't been able to go beyond a couple of steps inside, beyond a few seconds at most. I've never talked to anyone in a dream, never known what it feels to fly in a dream, no chance to see or explore, there's nothing. It's frankly demoralizing, more so when I read other people's journey, far more exciting than anything I could hope for, many of them within their first five or ten lucid dreams, some during their first.

I want to share it however, perhaps because there's the possibility of another person like me, who struggles getting their foot through the door once lucid, so that they can see my progress and hopefully learn something of value through this journal. It's not much right now, and I'm honestly expecting nothing changing towards the end of the year. I only hope the amount of practice ends up paying off in the long run. To the dream then:



I was at home standing in front of a window, staring at an empty space. It was dark and most likely raining outside. The lights were off. I kept listening to water running down to the ground on my left. I thought I heard footsteps pacing about farther into the distance. But then, I heard them closer. The air was thicker now, and I sensed danger looming nearby. Expecting an assault or robbery, I immediately shut the window close and put the lock on. I wait. I'm not sure the window was properly closed, so I swing it open and lock it for good only this time, it hits me that this is a dream.

I am dreaming.

I take my eyes off the handle and set on an empty dark space outside. The feeling of danger falls almost directly upon me. I think something will pop out from below that window and jump scare me. I try to calm down. A vibratory force makes its way up against my sides and onto my neck, enough for me to wake up.

Created Tuesday 15 September 2020

Finally, another LD loop. I even got a TOTM for the effort.

Spoiler for Quite long:

Scrap Group 1
Something about being in an urban area.

FA in bed. My bro was watching an anime in the living room. This started with a guy in a green trenchcoat freefalling from the sky. Cut to a battle scene. Wizards and their (entirely female) half-dragon allies were fighting a horde of demons. Oddly, the former side used conventional battlefield tactics, such as using field fortifications to fire from behind cover. The demons were too strong for the wizards, while the dragon girls could barely hold their own against the fiends. One of the dragons looked more like a naga. I suspected this was that Dragon Maid anime (not something I know much about).

Dream 1 - Senseless Head

Scene 1 - No-Touch Tinnitus Transition
The visuals were quite hazy. WILD transition in bed, so noted by a ringing noise I've heard in some of my earliest LDs, a noise I imagine is what tinnitus sounds like. It took a minute to fully stabilize myself into the dream.

I stepped out into the lounge. The couch was dark brown instead of white. Instead of the dining table and chairs was a black leather stool, and some random clutter. I could still hear all the others going about their morning routine in RL, if much more echoed than it should sound. Regardless, there wasn't anyone around.

Things got unstable. I reached to grasp the couch so I could remain in the dream. To my surprise, I couldn't feel it. In fact, besides my own movements, I couldn't feel anything. That's a first. Out of curiosity, I tried phasing through the couch. Against expectation, I bumped off it, despite still not feeling the couch itself. It was as if I was acting out some scene in VR.

I experimented as such for about a minute before the dream collapsed. Several brief re-entries before transitioning to below.

Scene 2 - Guide's Head, Monster's Bite
The visuals were still a bit blurred. LD re-entry in bed. When back at the lounge, I run around in circles for a few minutes to look for my guide, E. Didn't seem I had any luck. I'd canceled my search, when I noticed a shocking sight: E's disembodied head on the floor. Tentatively, I lifted it closer to me. The head sprang to life in an instant. Her eyes rotated unconsciously, before fixing themselves to me. E smiled, then somehow thrust herself forward to give me a kiss. Figured she was just creeping me out for fun once again. It was actually kind funny, but still a bit too disturbing for my taste. So, I chucked her head dismissively behind me. E hovered by my shoulder momentarily, before zooming out of view.

I looked around in the living room. Just then, an invisible assailant tackled me, and started gnawing on my arm. I suspected it was some kind of zombie. The surprise warped me back to bed, and cause me to lose awareness. The unseen creature was still accosting me. I imagined throwing holy water at it. But, this only looped the scene back. Soon, the monster was tearing out my right hand. Panic had overtaken me. My only option, I thought, was to sacrifice my limb. With what little will remained, I had my severed hand, now dangling off of my torn skin, turn into acid. In an instant, both my extremity, and the unseen foe, melted into vapor.

I woke up to terrible itchiness on my arm. Once I recomposed myself, I made another WILD attempt. It took about five minutes to get the LD going.

Dream 2 - Cake and Fish

Scene 1 - Orange Caramel Cake
The visuals were a bit blurred. WILD transition in bed. I go straight to the kitchen. There were a few housemates looming around, including my bro. They noted there was a cake in the fridge. Yet, for various reasons, they didn't want to taste any of it. So, they goaded me into taking as much as I can. I thought they'd never ask!

And there it was. Resting in the far end at the top shelf of the fridge was a two-layered homemade yellow cake, complete with orange caramel frosting. Seems about 3/5ths of it was already gone. I glanced around, waiting until no one was looking before I dug in with my bare hands (guess I didn't want to gross the others out, despite knowing full well this wasn't real, but oh well). The dessert tasted pretty much as how it looked, including the tang of orange zest, though a bit more subdued. Also, the cake itself was a bit more spongy than I'd prefer. Still, not bad.

The dream collapsed shortly after. Re-entry a minute later.

Scene 2 - September TOTM Basic Task i
The visuals started blurred, but clarified over time. Another LD re-entry in bed. I immediately darted out the room and towards the back door. Forgoing the risk of collapsing the dream by phasing through, I actually took my time to open the door. I rushed out to a rather cluttered backyard. A pleasant early dawn sky awaited me. But soon, I notice black stains of a void looming in from above. A sign the dream could end. Acting quick, I tried blasting off into the sky. Once again, as has happened recently, an invisible, rubbery barrier prevented me from ascending more than a few meters. But I pressed on.

A moment later, I was suddenly catapulted up into a now brighter blue sky. Ah, how I missed flying this way. However, I worried I might've gone into a blue void. Once again, the dream almost collapsed. I glanced around, when I noticed a little island far below, seemingly a desert island, if not for the small buildings dotting the center. Heedlessly, I dove down towards the shore, stabilizing the dream in the process. As I did, the overworld theme from the SNES version of Super Mario Bros 3 sounded in the background. This might've explained why my drop looked cheaply rendered in Mode-7 (ie appearing like a cardboard cutout) for a few seconds, but that clarified quickly.

Anyway, this presented the perfect opportunity to try one of the TOTMs. By this point, I was only a few hundred feet from landing on the sands. So, I tried tilting towards the water. Rather than move conventionally, I unintentionally stopped falling, then translated in 10 meter increments towards the water. I hummed the bonus theme from Aero the Acrobat as I did this. Speaking of water, a reef ranged through shallow parts. Amazingly, rays were looming over the reef.

I dropped myself with even greater anticipation. Before long, I splashed into the deeper end of the sea. My vision blacked out for a moment. When I came to, the first thing I saw was a bunch of rays scurrying away from me. I could clearly note two rows of white dots lining the backs of their otherwise grey skin. Would've enjoyed swimming alongside with them for more than 10 seconds, if my instinctive need for air didn't drive me to surface.

I resolved myself to dive in again. But, for reasons unknown, I could only keep the front half of my body submerged. Furthermore, the water suddenly got too murky to see anything. The dream faded. I woke up with a gasp.


Media References:

Super Mario All-Stars - Super Mario Bros 3 - Overworld

Aero the Acrobat - Bonus Stage

#540 - DILD - 1:20AM

I was in some new area of work. I was off the clock apparently and for some reason I was sending a snapchat of the place. When I played back the snap I realized it wasn't quite the same snap I took. It kept changing each time. I try swiping back but these creepy dudes are in it looking at me crazy. I comment about that to my wife who is now with me. Then a creepy woman is with them doing the same thing. I say who is she?!? Then an attractive woman taking me by the hand at the beach. Ok wait a minute this is silly. I am dreaming right now! I shout oh my god I am dreaming right now! I'm way too excited and I'm jumping up and down. My son is there laughing about the whole thing. I see my wife lounging on a couch looking at her phone. I say babe I am dreaming! ok here's what happened. I was looking at my snapchat and it kept changing. Do you know why? Because I am dreaming right fucking now! She just only smiles. I remember she's just a dumb DC so I say ok bye. She then says bye like she is pissed off. I don't want to leave my DC wife like that so I hug her and say I love you so much. That's when I wake up.

Awake|Dreaming|Lucid

I just want to start with this. I had many dreams and all were long but I don't remember that much.

I'm at home and become semi lucid. I fly out the window and see two big airplanes about to crash into one another. They are about 20 meters long, one is red and the other one is blue. My pants are constantly being loose and it's hard to keep them on. I struggle with my pants for some moments but decide that it doesn't matter if I don't have any pants, it's a dream. I throw them away and isn't bothered by it for the rest of the dream. I use my telekinesis to make the airplanes change the course. I think it would be fun to see a big explosion so I fly with the big airplanes to the city and I'm looking for big buildings. The two airplanes I controlled have now turned into two big houses instead. I think it will still be a big explosion. I see four big houses and decide that I will target the two biggest of them. There is a church and another house. I lift the two houses I control up high and smash them into the two buildings on the ground. The church is not scratched at all and there is no explosion. The other house I crashed broke but there was not an explosion. I think to myself that the church was holy and therefore I could not destroy it. I fly to the ground and I want to pet a dog. I do the pet motion I would do if a dog were there. From thin air a dog is slowly coming alive. After a while I have a dog with me. I pet it for the rest of the dream.

Notes: I usually don't have this much control over big objects or being able to teleporting dogs to me. Cool dream.

I'm by church with Gustav and Klaus. I am semi lucid. I want to prove to Gustav that it's a dream so I tell him that I will take a picture of the moon on the moon. I fly to the sky, first pretty slowly but faster and faster I go. Suddenly I come to the sky and it appears the whole sky is just a hologram. The moon included. I take a picture of it and return down. When I show Gustav the picture it's not a picture of what I took. It's an orange picture of wheat or something like it. I couldn't prove it was a dream.

Notes: I wonder if the first dream with the church triggered this dream to be at our church. I have only tried to prove it's a dream to Gustav in my dreams. It has happened two or three times now.

I'm in a car with dad and he's driving. There are three turns and he fails at all of them. Accidents that could have gotten us killed. I am angry with dad because of this and he says I'm not wrong that we could have died. We arrive at some kind of tivoli/supermarket. Kalle J and Håkanssons are also there. I get some money by dad and I enter the glass house. The house has machines in it where you are supposed to put your money. I put two coins in one of the machines but don't bother to see if I got anything. I look to the left and see Kalle. I don't want to interact but he sees me and says hello. Håkanssons also come in and we greet.

Notes: I have had many dreams were people drive bad and almost crashes the car recently.

Sunday, 9-13-20, Core 2

After a couple of long, regular dream fragments I found myself in the upstairs bathroom, sitting on the toilet. It was night and I was spacing out a bit, staring at the fan grate in the wall (which was on the wrong wall though I didn't notice at the time.) For a few brief moments, the grate I was looking at blurred and faded, and in fact everything in my visual field seemed to "glitch" and become less solid. I stared hard at the grate to try and unblur my vision, and it seemingly popped back into existence, becoming even more sharply defined than before. This whole experience was very similar to common waking life experiences where one might defocus one's vision when tired or consciously refocus on an object in order to sharpen one's vision on it. However, I found the extreme degree to which this happened here unnerving as it seemed as though the reality around me was liable to disappear altogether without constant attention to it. This is very likely a dream. I thought. My mind threw up the requisite resistance in the background due to the realistic, mundane nature of my experience up to this point. No, this could be a dream. I insisted mentally. I thought backwards, remembering the previous two dream fragments as if they were part of my day, then thought back further to remember myself getting into bed for core 2. There had been something a little strange about everything after that point, when I thought about it. I haven't woken up since then, I realized, I am dreaming!

I decided to test gravity by seeing if I could think myself into floating, as I habitually do upon first becoming lucid. However, this time I felt heavily weighted down, as if my body were made of lead. Everything was vague and I knew I needed to stabilize the dream. I went to raise my hand in front of my face so I could stare at it to bring more clarity, but I couldn't raise it a single inch. I was genuinely surprised. Why do I feel so heavy? I asked myself, If it's just my expectation I should be able to change it with a thought... I tried this and failed. I then noticed that I could seemingly sense my waking life body where it lay. I could even feel where one of my feet was hanging off the end of the bed. The sensations mapped to the position I remembered falling asleep in. REM atonia? I wondered. Am I closer to a waking state than in previous lucids, but still deeply enough asleep for the atonia to be present? Is my brain translating my bodily sensations into this dream experience of extreme heaviness?

I looked around again and realized the dream had faded more. Brute forcing things wasn't working. While I didn't feel close to waking up in terms of sensation (the level to which I could sense my body wasn't changing), I was reluctant to sit in a blurry dream scene for an extended period of time. If this is due to atonia, maybe I can work with that. I'll let images come and go they might in a WILD, observe them and wait for them to stabilize to a more solid dream. After a few moments, the fully blurred out scene randomly gave way to a vision of water, waves, the surface of an ocean. Before the scene could fully form, however, my consciousness lapsed. I know I dreamt some more before waking, though I don't remember the content.

Spoiler for Additional Notes:

Although this lucid was brief in terms of dream time and actual action, I'm very happy with the ease of logical thought in this dream, whether or not that reasoning process was completely accurate. There was definitely a greater awareness of myself in relation to waking life and a higher degree of observation within that context than is usual for me. I've certainly had other lucids where I recalled what I wanted to do with the dream from waking life, but I don't remember ever tracing back through my dream memories all the way to a waking memory of going to sleep before! The recall process isn't usually that effortless, either. It's just too bad my dream control wasn't equally effortless this time.

Awake|Dreaming|Lucid

I'm running on a roof with a girl about 11 years old. There are zombies hunting us and we try to escape. There is an elevator that we enter but the zombies are getting closer so we take a door from a pile next to us and block the entrance. A zombie grabs the door and pulls it away. We manage to take the elevator. We manage to escape but decide to take the elevator to an even deeper layer. We press a button but the elevator takes us to the roof again. We have to run but now there's an assassin on the roof that is doing cool flips and is hunting me. She takes a knife and stabs me.

Notes: I saw a movie where someone got stabbed yesterday.

I'm outside a building and do a RC. It succeeds and I fly away. There is a sharp turn for cars and I follow one of them as flying practice. I manage okey but keeps on following the car. I look into the window and a man that is about 40 years old and big. We interact but I don't remember what we talked about/did. I loose my lucidity. I start to work at a restaurant. I get an assignment to attach advertising papers on the walls. I fail and put the paper on the glass where it's not supposed to be so I take it away and put it on the wall instead.

Notes: I am working today at a restaurant IRL.

I'm in the schoolyard and Alexandra and Linnéa is walking in front of me. I catch up with them and I'm apparently in a relationship with Linnéa. We walk to the entrance of Chapman and I ask them where they are going. They reply that they are going to a place I have never heard of before. I think about joining them but I decline and walk home instead. On my way home I wonder if it would be fun to go with them. I also think that I have other important things to do home like practicing driver licens theory.

Notes: I have always thought Alexandra is cool but I have not seen Linnéa in a long time.

28th August 2020 DFLN

Fragment 8:30

Woke up unusually early (not needing to, at least) and from some kind of FA. I was in bed with H and I turned and there was a mantis/grasshopper thing on his pillow. I woke him up and alerted him to it.

Then I got up from bed as H was asking me to find his cheapo soldering iron to kill the bug with. It was skittering about and seemed smarter than an average bug. It was about the size of a ping-pong ball.

The bug then eventually appeared on top of the bed again and H tried to make it go away (by blowing at it?) and when he did, the soldering iron then just appeared (the red and white one) and he grabbed it and started whacking at the bug with it like a weird whip.

Semi-Lucid Fragment 9:30

In a strange (and even more) cluttered version of our home. I went downstairs to the kitchen, the tap was dripping (as it had been for a while) and I knocked my fist against it and a bunch of water splurted out.

I was then doing something but H was here and had to go, his dad was here to pick him up. I walk with them down some blue carpeted stairs? Awful railing/banister, far too high. There's some sunlight at some point, that I appreciate.

They leave and I come further down to close the front door, which is off its hinges. It's a big thick blue painted door made of actual wood, not exactly like our door actually is. Outside the doorway was a busy city street, like the capital of my native home.

Then as I'm faffing around with door, trying to get it back on its hinges, M (from MB) shows up. She's on a bike and so is her new boyfriend, which looks to be a bit of a nasty one, superficially.

She asks me how I'm doing and remarks I'm not looking so good. I notice that she's much thinner and she even mentions it herself. I congratulate her on her weight loss and give her a thumbs up as she cycles away, I think with a smile. Her mouth had been slavering like hell the whole time and her nose looked icky inside.

Then I'm slightly outside, still struggling with the door. But I realise I'm naked and think of going back in so the people in the street don't start staring at me. But then I say to myself "Hang on a minute, I'm naked, in a public street, with loads of people... But I'm dreaming." I become semi-lucid at this point and became increasingly aware of my real body, not managing to stay in the dream properly, especially as I started to become aroused for no reason, my real body just became too evident and so I just woke up

---

Notes:
- In the second dream, M's better outer appearance felt like a genuine message of self-improvement on her part, but now that I'm thinking about it, her icky nose/mouth context sort of suggests a rotten inside in some sense. In addition to that, she was together with a (seemingly) bad person, again.
- Oddly enough, I didn't remember the bit where she'd mentioned I wasn't looking so good but I don't remember feeling unwell in the dream.
- In the first fragment, I think I was naked, but there was nothing unusual about it since I'd just gotten out of bed in the FA; the bug would have been a good cue for a RC in that fragment.

Kept having repeating false awakenings and look at the window to see the sky looked very dark and yet slated grey as if a solar eclipse was happening. I look around and woke my self up. This time I found myself in my bed again and walked near the garage. It was half open with the other half missing. I told my father that we needed to fix this in order for no one to walk inside.

My father then said this was bad and that he will see if he can get someone to fix it. Then all of a sudden it was night and I found myself waking up from my bed again. I didn't know if I had dream of all of it or was I still dreaming right now. I got up and realize I was in a completely different place. I was amazed at how luxurious looking it was. My brother showed up and said yea its amazing isn't.

He told me it was my place and I was dumb founded. I couldn't stop exploring around it. That's when I realize I had to be dreaming. I enjoyed looking around in till I ended up losing lucidity and in to another false awakening.

Not too long after a nightmare I woke up in rl and was somewhat in a daze. I look around and felt funny. All of a sudden the dream kind of took me from waking life straight back in to a dream. I was in a car and was already lucid. I was confused because my eyes were open when I was awake . There was a young woman next to me and I couldn't understand what she was saying to me. However I recognize her as an online friend. I then woke up

This was probably a month ago, I think. It is a dream where my dream characters were bugging me out of the ordinary. At first I just went with it, but up to a point it crossed a line. I was becoming more lucid, and angry at them. The people in my dream thought they were going to get me on something, like snaring me in a trap, but I went outside. They followed. I kept going and going, like I was jogging in real life, to just get away. They would have none of that. There was many opposing me, even though I was seeking to withdraw. Once I noticed this, I stopped. I levitated in a lucid manner. And then, then, I well used such force to telekinetically lift earth and rock itself underneath my attackers to such an extent, that it was like an 100 meter asteroid stuck the earth. I lifted such a mass, and then slammed it into the earth with the impact of something falling from space. The crater was 1000 ft wide after I was done. I don't really know what happened to those dream characters, but they are dead now, like if they could die they should be dead as dead can be.

It was flat ground that I flew up, and hovered above. Then I just reached out with my will and yanked up as much mass as I could from the plain, raised it a third of a mile, then slammed it down with such force as if it was impacting from outer space at many miles per second. In a second or two it formed a crater, and my work was done here. After such an exertion, I think I woke up in about a dream minute.

Awake|Dreaming|Lucid

I'm in a school and there is a man guiding me. He walks through a door and when I try to enter it it's too small for me. I scream out how he came in. He says he walked through the other door to the right. I go to that door and am able to go through. This school seems to be for people with psychological and physical problems. We keep on walking and reach the cellar. I express my concerns with going to the cellar but he keeps on going. There is a room with a bed so I walk to it. 4 men about 18-20 years old come and jump me from the upper bed. They all seem to have some kind of menta/physical disorders. They try to grab me by my privates and I am panicking and punching one of them especially. I manage to escape and scream to them that this is insane, especially to my guide.

I'm in church and there are some activities. I see Emanuel from church and we talk and I don't like him. There is some kind of girl there too.

I'm in the TV room upstairs and fly out the window. I fly to Hemköp and I am half lucid. The dream fades. This dream repeats about three times I think.

I'm in my bed, thinking about why this is not a dream. I think about how real my breathing feels. I pinch my nose and try to breathe in. I't works so I walk up from bed and walk into the TV room next doors. Usually I jump out and fly away from the window in my room but I decide to change it up today. I start to meditate and try to stabilize the dream. I think about what I want to do. I fly out and it's really dark outside. I try to make it sunny but the dream won't let me. There is a really fast dog that is running in the night on the road. I decide to race with it and I am really fast and succeeds in some seconds.

I'm in my house and try to figure how I came to the place I were. I can't remember and decide that this is a dream. The dream is really dark and the view is 30° turned to the left. I stabilize the dream and it works. I fly out the same window as the last dream and suddenly I don't have a shirt on me. I fly around the city without any intentions in mind.

I'm in the woods and there are some people fighting injustice. I join them and want to use my new bending technique that I have thought about. I had a dream for some weeks ago where a man told me that I need to master three different bending techniques for each element before I can fully use bending in all of my dreams. The man told me that I should start with earth bending. There are some bad guys in fron of us and my friends beat most of them. There is a man standing on a rock. I stomp my foot in front of the rock and it starts to shake and the man standing on it is loosing balance. I stomp again and the rock flies up in the air about 1,5 meters up. I try to hit the rock with my hand and the rock flies about 2,5 meters away pretty slowly. I try to do it again but I'm having difficulties.

Notes: I had a conversation about how hard it is to have disabled persons in the family and that it can be very energy demanding. I think the first dream was about that. I talked with my dad about Emanuel's family yesterday and that's why I dreamt about him. I remember that I inspected the reality of one of the dreams but can't remember which one. I remembered to meditate this night because I have been focused to do that since many of my lucids have been pretty short lately. When I lied in bed last night I thought about meditation/dream stabilization and earth bending. I slept with the mantra "This is a dream" in Swedish.

Again, only unintentional WBTB and intention to lucid dream.

In the following sleep cycle I first got into a non-lucid dream but with ever-increasing awareness. When I reached lucidity I seemingly woke up but immediately recognized the false awakening. Getting up and moving was a little difficult, though also incredibly realistic. I was at my parents' house and slowly walked through the dark deserted rooms. At the front door I used the key to open the door though I'd normally just walk through it - the dream was so vivid and yet unstable that I wasn't sure about passing though objects.
Outside it was a bright, warm summer day. The trees on the left were incredibly coloful with red and purple fruits, swinging in a gentle breeze. The wind also blew my long hair into my face which had - surprisingly - a dark-red color. I decided to go into the garden because I expected it to differ from reality - which it then did of course. It resembled the gardens of a palace with lots of water areas and a fountain in the middle.
I thought it would be interesting to drink from the fountain and tried to make a glass appear - didn't work, but whatever. To get to the fountain, I needed to balance on a swimming log. This again felt so incredibly real that I got lost in thoughts about it - and woke up.

I was still close to dreaming, maybe even in sleep paralysis, and so I just let myself sink back in. Some dreamlets washed over me without letting me enter until one of them opened wider and wider. I got to observe a scene where a black car was chased by the police, driving on a bridge high above the sea. In the car there was a dream character that was me, and a partner. They came to a stop, having trouble with their car. Another police car arrived and barred the way. I was still observing, though maybe influencing the plot, when the 'me' in the car decided to take the only way out - to jump with the car from the bridge.
I saw the car falling down and into the water. Reminding me that this was just a dream, I took my place down there. Now, I was suddenly swimming underwater. Of course I knew that I could still breath and I did - but every breath was difficult as it was accompanied by a sting of fear.
In large circles I was diving deeper and deeper until suddenly all water was gone. Otherwise, the surroundings were still the same - now looking like a vast hall. The floor was cluttered with balls and balloons of different colors and sizes. One of them was special: it was filled with what looked like confetti. My partner who had come there with me was trying to cut it open but the material seemed very firm. Someone else told us that there would be knowledge about the universe and about the future in there (okay?!). I took it and pulled (with some difficulty) the plug. Without the chance to do anything else, I woke up.

This was another good example of the sheer weirdness of dreams and also my first time dreaming lucid in third person perspective, interesting!