memorable

I was very sleep deprived so I decided to get some rest & make a new plan. First, I reinstalled Jelly Splash on my phone before I went to sleep & played it. The reason for this was to work on details & accuracy w/ bright colors & to just have fun. I did a simple body meditation & relaxation technique that is pretty second nature to me & I slept on my stomach for the first time in about 6 wks, which is how I prefer to sleep. And then I decided I would just sleep, wake up & keep going back to sleep until I got enough rest which turned out to be about 10 hours. I also decided not to log any of my dreams but just to keep track until I had my last one. And low & behold I had 6 dreams! Number 7 was a LD! And I kept w/ my plan by just doing what I wanted to do in it & have some fun. I've been too serious lately trying to achieve the TOTM.

So here is my LD. I was working as a detective & was investigating an illusionist who managed to steal a lot of money, or so my boss thought. My opinion was that it wasn't him at all & that someone was taking advantage of the timing of the illusion acts he was performing.. My boss said that he would definitely show up at the event that was occurring on this same day in the evening. So we showed up & it wasn't dark yet, it was light out & there were very long lines & because we were detectives we could just weave in & out as we pleased & look for where he might be. We were in this line when I looked across the room & saw all the Chinese lanterns that were hanging about & strings of lights & bright signs. (I think the Chinese lanterns & neon signs may be a dream sign for me. I know the bright lights are) And it was then I knew I was lucid & felt invincible! I knew I could do what I wanted now & told my boss that I knew he was innocent & that I quit. I really wanted to find this guy because he was very impressive & I just didn't believe he did it.,.. He was there, eluding us, but he was there. He reminded me of Roland from Stephen Kings, The Dark Tower series. He would be in one place where I could see him & then he'd kind of roll away & disappear. I searched through the hordes of people & he still eluded me. I thought maybe since I was Lucid I could do something to find him that way, but that wouldn't be fun to me in this scenario. There were all these booths & stages where these little magic tricks were happening & I realized this event was some kind of magician's convention/exhibition or something & an illusionist would only be there for some other reason. They are in a different category than magicians you know, like that would be beneath them to show up at this place & perform ordinary magic.... I could feel him watching me everywhere I went. And then I suddenly realized he was gone. He let me see him & then went around a rack of books & disappeared w/ a smile. And then I woke up.

Mike & I were just discussing the movie for The Dark Tower Series & how they screwed it up. I was talking about Chinese food today. And I saw a lame magic trick on tv. I know that's where some of the characters came from.... I realized that I had stopped reading my everyday books & have been only reading dry stuff to research the brain about memory... I average 50-60 plus books a year which in 6 wks I've destroyed all hopes of that happening due to doing too much dry research... I have also noticed that other people are having very fun dreams w/ dragons & vampires... I think my brain needs more of that. I may actually reread Harry Potter again due to the incredible details it has to offer which will stimulate my brain the way I want it & it has the familiarity to be easily ready. Not to mention cool magic... When those books came out my husband, our youngest son & me all read the books at the same time which was a lot of fun... I've taken the fun out of my dreams & need to put it back in.

These first few entries will be me recalling past dreams for the sake of logging them.

I'm at an amusement park style place, my vision/sight is not hazy but not clear either but I can make out what places are. When I go through the entrance I immediately fall into a queue for a roller-coaster, it's pirate themed and is like one of the swinging ship rides cross with a regular coaster. The queue runs under it at one end kinda like the one at the Smiler at Alton Towers.

This is the second time I've been to theme park.

I don't end up actually going on it till later and the queue turned out to be a line to a candy floss stand. But before I get any candy floss I'm pulled out of the line for some reason and the dreams a bit of a blur for a portion. Part of the blur was me looking at a piece of track from a roller-coaster on display.

Once I got to the ride and was on it I remember a long drop and feeling the g-force of the ride, which wasn't nice but wasn't good either. (i'd like to point out here that i haven't had a nightmare since I was four, I'll get to that in another log).

Preface:
Sleep at midnight or later. Practiced breathing exercises before sleeping. Tried to WILD but ended up dreaming.

DR 1
I was in the middle of a street and I was building a ship. I wasn't building it physically, but with energy. I was doing things- making gestures with my hands and the ship was being created. However, it wasn't an tangible ship. You could see that it was an energy ship- energy in the form of a ship. The ship was green and blue- like a teal color, very blue. It didn't look cloudy, and not glittery but brilliant. Brilliant energy with beautiful colors and it was getting huge. The ship was getting really big. But someone didn't want me to build it. Someone tole me that had to stop. I guess I stopped.

DR 2
I am walking around some type of event. It looked like a huge shop, it could have been a Wal-Mart, only it was not. Its cold. I see a large rack of coats. Apparently, I came in with a long oversized brown coat- but somebody has taken it, and I am looking for my coat on this rack. This rack of coats is not for sale, it belongs to people- I guess a place for people to hang their coats while they shop. I see a cute Guess Jacket, a satin puffer with a satin red lining. At first, I think its going to be too small, but I try it on and it fits perfectly even over all of my clothes. I take it off and return it to the rack, because I start to feel bad- someone will miss the coat. I start looking around. Its this huge plaza all around me
huge beige floors and walls with racks of shelves of clothing and goods, I start walking . I hear people in the background buzzing, just like a regular superstore. I walk to the back of the store and I see a place where they sel shoes. There is a huge beige floor, and beige walls. Its almost like the store was set up to provide that space as a "walking room" so you can try out the shoes. Shoes and a couple of other things are up against the walls, but the floor in the center of the room is completely clear.. There is a huge counter (beige again) that runs all the way around the room- the room is a circular shape. There are people behind the counters and there is a black girl, pretty, she's got a really good attitude. She's in a great mood and she is greeting and talking with everybody. She's laughing and talking with other employees. There's just a really good good energy in the room, so I feel better as soon as I walk in.. They say hi and they are smiling..there is faint music in the background but they are just listening to the music and I can tell that they are just enjoying being there-having a good time at work. I forgot all about trying to get my coat back.

Preface:
A lot going on today. Up at 8am, preparing for a pottery party I have planned for my co-worker. Party goes well. I spend the evening with my best friend. We were talking about recent comunication that we both oddly received from our EXES this past week. I go home for an hour or so, and then go back out to catch a live band with her. I got home at 1, went to sleep at 2.

Side Note: Frustration. Two of the ladies at the pottery party became VERY frustrated with painting their pieces. One of them was so upset that she washed her piece and then proceeded to sit with her hands in her lap during the remainder of the event. I felt like something else was going on, but I didn't ask. She is a friend of a friend's, so it wasn't my place.


DR 1
I am in an office building. A fire has started and most of the people have run out. Some are still running. Nobody pulls the fire alarm, so I do. I walk outside the building. There is a sidewalk path to another building, so I take it. The building doors are wide open, so I walk in. The walls are white. White ceilings, brown carpet. There is only a hallway, which extends in each direction. Its quiet, and I can hear the faint sound of the alarm I pulled in the other building. I turn to the right down the hallway. I see a red alarm panel on the left wall and I pull it.

DR 2
Everything seems to have calmed down. I am walking down a hall in an office building. I pass a co-worker, a handsome man, who I have apparently just repaired a work relationship with. We smile and greet each other. I continue down the hall. I am wearing office attire, a white blouse, a skirt (? color) and heels. I am holding an order with a ticket number on it- 3757. I know that the co-worker has changed my order and resubmitted it as 3758. I think about telling my boss because something about it isn't rigt. At that moment, I get called into my boss's office. My boss is a black lady with long braids in her hair. I feel that she doesn't like me much. I am seated at a white table. She asks me about the order. Before I can finish telling her the story, she calls in my co-worker. I place my head in my hands. I can't believe that she has done this before I can tell her what happened. And I can't believe this is happening when I have just literally became friends with this guy again. He whispers to me, "what's going on?", and put my lips to his ear and say, "they have no idea what's going on".
I place my head in my hands again.

DR 3

Members of a movie crew are filming in the courtyard of the office building. The courtyard has a swimming pool. I'm not sure why the film is happening and I'm not sure why we have a pool. All of a sudden, a little black boy comes running from my left at full speed and cannonballs into the pool. Somebody yells, "that's a wrap", and I see the microphone swing over the pool. There are crew members in place to take the boy safely out of the pool.

DR 4
I am in a convenient store. A tall black lady comes in. She looks like a model. She is wearing a dark blue and bright orange dress with a sunhat. A guy's voice is heard over the intercom. He tells her to turn around so he can see her on the video cameras. She doesn't seem to hear im, so I grab an umbrella from one of the displays nearby and point to the cameras. I tell her what he said. When I actually walk up to her, she is at least a foot taller than me. I am 5'6", but she is clearly way taller. I feel so short. She turns around so he can see her. She asks if she looks ok. I tell her that her dress is cute. She says thank you and then bends over to reach into a chest (which is somehow a cooler doubling as a chest?) There are clothes inside it for some reason. As she bends over I see the top of her big hat.

So, I remember I was part of some military organization. the uniforms were very futuristic but all the members used magic to fight. Since I was a rookie in the Organization, they wouldn't allow me to go on a mission until I finish all my training. So I decided to knock out one of the Higher rank Soldiers and steel their uniform so I could secretly go on said mission. So I wore the uniform (it was white and I had some sort of helmet on) and then we went into something that looked like a bus/spaceship. Then I remember talking to one of the other soldiers and he talked about Fenris who was part of the mission as well (Fenris was and still is my favorite character from Dragon Age 2) I remember squealing and shouting, "OMG Fenris!"
I could've became lucid there, but sadly, I didn't. Instead my dream continued normally.

Anyways, The Buspaceship stopped and we jumped off and we had to go inside an old abandoned building. Instead of just walking inside like all the others, I jumped on top of the roof of another building right next to the one I had to go in and then I jumped inside the old abandoned building through the through. In there, I saw Fenris, In ragged clothes. He said something about an enemy who did something to him but don't quite remember it. Then this guy in the picture appeared in my dream and started attacking us!




He then said the weirdest thing ever, "Since, I'm in high ground right now, does that make me a high god?"

I remember saying, "what the heck?" And then I woke up to the sound of my alarm.

Really potent dream state. I had been drinking at a party that night, but I had still never experienced dreaming quite like this, alcohol or no. There was no REM rebound either, dreaming began almost immediately.

--- --- --- --- ---

Lying back into the hammock, still a little intoxicated from the party, I begin to drift into sleep. I am in a room off to the side with some other people who have turned in for the night, while in the lounge room a small group of party-goers keep going strong. My eyes shut, the music doesn't bother me.

I am flying over a fantastical modern city. Huge buildings stretch up into the sky, incredibly detailed. The way my three dimensional perspective shifts is incredibly realistic. As I have experienced before, the movement itself causes the visuals to solidify rapidly.

I am wandering through this dreamworld. I find myself in a penthouse apartment of sorts. There are many well-dressed, influential people here. Some hold glasses of champagne, others speak in hushed tones. It seems that there is an event of some description on. The rooms are vast and the decor minimalist. I am definitely amongst the upper echelon of society, but there are distinct underworld currents here and powerful ones at that. Women in stunning dresses sip at cocktails, a man deals cards at a table, and there are people coming and going from an oriental meeting room. I try to peer inside but the security is eyeing me suspiciously.

I wander into a side room. There are people here being 'sold' for exorbitant amounts of money, but they are all very keen to be here. There's roughly half a dozen of them, dressed in white robes, male and female and all glamourously beautiful. They aren't slaves or prostitutes as such, more like high-status consorts whose loyalty is bought, trophies to be displayed. There are a few people bidding here. By entering the room, I have unwittingly entered myself in the auction, but I am not at all dressed or prepared for such an event. A price is named for me. It is low compared to the others, but still in figures that I could not expect to see in my lifetime.

A pixie-eyed man, one of the actual party-goers from the waking world, leans over and speaks to me.
"Not bad at all, but I will attract a much higher sum."
He did, of course. He wasn't gloating so much as stating fact, this was their profession.
"What other purpose is there to life than to be as beautiful and glamourous as possible?" He believed that it only made sense for everyone to aspire to this ideal.

It was then that I had a 'false awakening' in the apartment. I get out of the hammock and stagger into the lounge room. The party-goers are still up, awake and energetic, but very aware that they are dreaming.
"This is what we do," the pixie-eyed man explained. "We go out exploring this world at night. We thought that as you were here, we would try to wake you up as well."
It had worked for me, but all the others who had turned in early were still sleeping in the room I had left. They were too deeply asleep to be pulled into the dream.

They began to explain that they went by aliases while dreaming to protect their physical identities. It made sense to me, except that the pixie-eyed man had been making quite the name for himself as a rogue lucid-awakener by the name 'Anderson'. I got the Matrix reference. It seemed he had been pulling a lot of people into his dream adventures recently. I recalled seeing his name at an earlier time, somewhere in another dream, and warned him to be careful.

It was too late. Eyes were already upon him and his group. An illuminati-style organisation had taken interest in his activities and decided to put a stop to them. Their methods involved misleading and blinding individuals with familiar glamours. They wouldn't even know that they had been restricted to only existing within their own personal dreamworlds.

We had to flee, running out into the corridors. Desperately trying to escape the clutch of our pursuers. The party was split, we were forced to break up into smaller groups and head out into different directions. But we kept getting lost, funnelled only down the paths that the organisation dictated. And then we would awake again in that lounge room. Lights off, only two of us this time. We'd look at each other and run out into the hallways. Awakened again, this time a couple of others. We were all confused, scared, frightened. Awake again, and again, and then I opened my eyes.

I was physically awake this time, lying in the hammock. The very people I had been dreaming about were in the lounge room outside, dancing and doing shots. But I could't hold onto my waking awareness and fell back beneath the waves. Awake again, same lounge room, but this time I was alone.
I ran out into the hallway, none from the group in sight. I followed the paths through the building desperately, and finally this time I came to a location I had not seen before. The hall curved around into a room with an alcove and a tall window looking out over the cloud-shrouded buildings beyond. The city I had seen as I flew over it at the beginning of my journey.

I stopped, looking out over the breath-taking view. I became aware of two figures that had been waiting here. One was a man, silent, clothed and hooded in black robes. I had a sensation of knowing him, a name; the Angel. The other was a man in a simple work suit. He was from the organisation, or at least knew of my predicament. It appeared they had been speaking before my arrival. The man from the organisation approached me and began to converse with me. He explained that given the circumstances, I would be free to go.

The dream shifted and time was lost. I found myself walking through a busy train station. There were escalators and shops, commuters going to and from platforms. I wandered around, perhaps keeping an eye out for anyone I may know, but I needed no goods or transport.

Last nights dreams were pretty awesome but I had to get up early and then had a pretty shitty day. Still, I wanted to write this up since it was so cool. I would have been able to write more if I had been able to do it in the morning but oh well.

Dream
I was in a world with magic and stuff, it was pretty mind-blowing.. Around me is a forest full of glowing fauna and flora, it's sort of a high-fantasy realm or something. There is a couple other people I think, and you can travel to this magic world by a portal using certain magic items. I've got a couple and I share them so that me and the other people can travel to the other world. I think I go there twice in the dream, the first time I recall being chased by a bear-like magic beast that was indigenous to the area. The second time was the time I remember properly and was when I brought the other people with me. I gave one a nut (as in a nut and bolt) and I had one too, except mine had another ornament in the centre. In the (somewhat ordinary though still slightly glowing) forest, we walk up to these 2 stone marks on the ground and the nuts activate, teleporting us to the magic world. When we arrived we got chased by a few monster animals, I decided not to kill them, thinking it'd just be easier to take my friend(?) to a safer area. We sprinted through the forest and ended up at the safe zone. I have a feeling it might have been a colossal sized tree with a grassy area around it.

There were other dreams I had last night which were awesome, and another hyper-realistic dream I had during the day today. I've been napping most days for about a week or so now, which is really unusual for me.

I had a very long dream, sort of based on the movie They Live. I was in an old school that had been painted over to make it look new and there was a principle there trying to convince me that it was a new school. I was looking at the lockers and the dates on them said 1960, at this point i realized the people were lying and I kept trying to convince the other students this whole place was some kind of prison. The dreamed then changed to take place in a super market and I asked the cashier if he heard that weird signal, he looked at me and laughed. The signal was coming from Saturn. It hid the aliens from view, they were really tall and had long fingers and were sort of driving the herd of people like cattle, or a crossing guard telling people where to shop, and what to buy. I saw them, they saw me and tried to choke me, i ran and got away, and then saw the whole world was a prisoner of them. They were everywhere and in total control. We were just fat little pets, running in a maze, easily controlled. But if you block the signal, you could escape, then i woke up. I waited all day to type this, because it was so crazy and I didn't really want to post it.

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation

I am in a basement. There are a series of 3 rooms next to one another, used for sexual activity. We are 3 couples coming out of each of these, though I am unsure if I am with someone at this point. From the 3 rooms we enter into a larger room and head towards a door on the right hand side.

We are talking about a larger sex assemble which is to take place in a bit. I know I won't be participating and I think there is another woman who won't either and so while I am exiting the room I look over my left hand shoulder to spot and make sure that the woman is leaving the room with me.

4-5 people go back into the room, while the woman and I remain in the adjacent room. This room is darkly illuminated. There is a sofa and an oblong coffee table next to a dividing wall that separate the larger floor plan into two major rooms – where we have just been in the other one. From the point of view of the sofa, which is located at the centre of the dividing wall there is a small kitchenette up to the right, right next to a door that leads into a room I never see, but notice that a fairly bright white light is flowing from it.

As we all walk out for a break the woman who is also not participating in the group session – she is very skinny, with shoulder length hair and is wearing loose beige (?) trousers and a dark green t-shirt, she is a head or two shorter than I – tell me in an asking tone “Is it ok if we don't have sex but just cuddle up a bit.” “Sure” I reply, a tad disappointed, but not a lot.

We sit down in the sofa in our separate corners. She lies down with her head in my lap and flick on the television, which is over right next to the kitchenette on the left hand side – opposite the door with the white light. The first channel is a two way channel – which is intended to show the other room what is happening in ours and we will be allowed what is happening in the other room. The woman tries to flick through the channels – at first we seem to be stuck on the channel we start out with – but when we finally get going there seems to be porn on all the channels. After having flicked through a couple we settle on the two way channel.

At this the woman turns frisky and direct her attention towards me, she turns her head upwards and kiss me, gently at first but with increasing vigour. We both start opening our mouths more and more and eventually I feel the cold sore at my left corner of my mouth rip open, a typical searing pain and a slight sensation of moisture, but I don't care I continue to dive into the kiss – feeling excited and horny as hell. Eventually I start adjusting my body posture, trying to roll with the woman into the motion of getting down into a laying down position – thinking yes, nice a sexual encounter is in the making. She reacts fiercely standing up in the sofa and starts rearranging the pillows in the sofa. At first I think she is making more room for our endeavours, but I soon understand.

“Traitor!” she proclaims “We had an agreement!” she continues.
“Yes, and I was going to keep it, but..” I reply.
“You can't be trusted!” She interrupts. She doesn't seem to understand that I really didn't mind not engaging in a sexual encounter but that I was fully open to do so if that is what she wanted. The situation had evolved from her desire and her initiative.

Feeling it is a lost battle I simply place myself in a tailors position in my end of the sofa and look her in the eyes – she has deep brown eyes. She starts talking about something that happened to her with her dad.

Sensing that it is a recurring pattern I ask her;

“So did this or something similar happen with your dad before?” I ask, sensing there is something like a fear of flying.
“There was an accident” she goes on – at this point the conversation is blurry to my memory – and she explains that either something similar happened at the age of 6, or later at the age of 21 – but essentially she is either saying that something happened before or after, with the other age representing the first event we were talking about. She starts looking rather pale, and slightly taken aback, I can see the surprise in her eyes that I am willing to sit back and talk therapeutically with her despite her recent judgement of me as being a traitor – which might actually refer to a generalisation of men she has developed.

We are interrupted at the conclusion of the sexual adventure happening behind us. There is a large window, with large black curtains obstructing the view. I start becoming aware of sounds from inside there, just a few moments before they enter the room we are sat in. I get a feeling of some sadomasochistic adventures happening and feel a slightly forced disinterest in knowing about the details.

When the people come out and start making their way towards the kitchenette, Jackie comes over to sit down, as well as a black man with long dreadlocks, though his hair isn't as greasy as you would expect from this hair style. I feel slightly embarrassed as I am no longer wearing my trousers and pants, though I still have my long woollen socks on. The black dude knocks me on my shoulder, and Jackie comes over with a glass of Orange juice and playfully say “Ahh it is good to see you asking for so much to drink” referring to it being a typical expression of recently having had sex and also to the glass of water I had drunk just a little beforehand.

I have a blanket covering my genital area, which helps with the embarrassment, but I also feel deceitful for the others misjudging the activity me and the woman were engaging in. From the kitchenette they start talking about their fascination with a flail-like whip, which is what they plan on using next.

I feel a strong urge to get out of there and I start making my way towards the doorway out, which is on the left hand side – leading into a small stairway, which is gloomily lit and dark green.

There is a slight skip.

I am now outside. I am walking down a road, there are trees and hedges along the side walk, and it is sloping downwards as I am walking down on the left hand side. It is dark outside, it seems wet and somewhat windy as well, it is raining. The light from the street lights seems gloomy and contains no warmth.

I continue walking downwards, having a conversation with Ronan, though he isn't actually present. We are talking about the option of setting up a company each, for 5 kroner, and then swapping companies – somehow this is relating to the treatment centre I am about to start up – and I am surprised he agrees. I recall something about a Facebook conversation where we were chatting and we came to the conclusion that the only thing we might have in common is Aesthetic taste, but that this might be cause enough to meet up anyway.

- this is relating to an earlier dream I had, the conversation took place at a street close to where I lived previously, lots of yellow building about, during the daylight. I recall the trouble of typing during this dream.

As I am walking along during this mental/technological conversation I come across a tent. It reminds me of the attached tent of a caravan. It is dark blue and from behind the plastic windows a greyish and eerie light shines through. I am aware of the strings that hold the tent in place, as they are extending out to the road blocking the path of the side walk forcing me to walk around them.

I am still heading down the road when I become aware of my shoes – they are getting wet and I wonder why I am wearing my slippers outside in this god forsaken weather. I look up and to my left and see the state library – rising above the darkness of the tree lines, with only a hint of the light of the street lights reaching the top like an ominous tower. I feel an increasing sense of unease, but carry on downwards.

Not long after this the water levels are rising and I feel like I know the bottom of the road will be completely flooded, blocking path to get home. I look up and back over my right hand shoulder and spot the road I can take which will also take me home. I turn around and start walking backwards. I feel like my vision is starting to slip – like fade completely – and I become increasingly afraid that I will loose my sight completely. At the same time I start feeling intoxicated, like proper drunk and my movements become erratic and unbalanced and I desperately reach out grasping for the strings of the tent for support. And while I find them and grab them they can do little for me as my balance continues to deteriorate. I think it is a bit weird as I didn't drink a lot back at the porn complex, but I can feel that I have definitely breached all levels of safe intoxication. My conscious perception seems to turn into a series of broken mosaics, as if invisible lines of fractures appear before my visual and spatial perceptive capacities.

I become so scared at the rising water levels and my continued diminishing balance and think to myself “Shit I could actually drown in this state. I am a poster boy of how not to get drunk.” While entertaining this thought fear levels keep rising, and then boom – I step into a pothole that is maybe a metre and a half deep and find myself too drunk to get loose – fear becomes panic as I struggle to get free.

The rain keeps falling the water is murky, brown like the colour of mud and there are multiple pieces of foliage, sticks and branches adrift on the watery road.

Finding myself terrified and sure of my death, I wake up.

Immediate interpretation: The cold sore bit was hugely disturbing to me as I woke up and is referring to a situation with Karen recently, where I knowingly kissed her before telling her that I had it. I became immediately aware that I am not completely free of selfish tendencies, which is also related to the knowledge that when I am practising so much self control during sex, I am liable to release more pre-cum, which of course increase the risk of pregnancy during unprotected sex. Knowledge I have kept to myself. It symbolise how I have been willing to put my own selfish needs in front of both her and our needs, a tendency I was deeply ashamed of upon awakening.

The black curtain shielding the view of the other room in the dungeon represents a boundary – black, the colour of nothing – meaning that while I am intrigued with exploring new aspects of my sexuality there are still areas I don't find meaningful to explore. Only if I fear exploring it does it make sense to do so, though this is not a fear based response – it is simply not interesting to me.

My interaction with the woman represents some of my concerns with Karen – that she asks for space, and then also take initiative for sex. It represents my confusion with it all, but also my willingness to take up the role required for her personal growth. The tad dissapointment could represent my feeling of repressing my sexual advances towards her to accommodate her need for space.

The interaction with my embarrassment regarding the others who assume we have had sex, while we haven't I believe represent the uneasiness I have felt in describing my relation to Karen to the outside world. I am trying my best to avoid putting labels on it, and while I don't find this a problem in our personal relation or when talking to people who frequent Tantric environments it is difficult to describe this mode of being in a relation to “old” friends and family who are not participating in this new-found spiritual journey I find myself on. I am somewhat afraid of what Karen thinks – if she would prefer I don't mention her at all, though that would violate my need to be open about what is important and meaningful in my life.

The drowning in the puddle represents – I looked this up as well, I was aware of the meaning of water representing unconscious emotions surfacing – that I might be forcing the issue. Before looking up the theme I thought to myself “Hmm now you have invited her into your inner most private world, of course we dive straight into the dark side – as represented by the cold sore bit”. I then looked it up and it could mean that I am forcing unconscious feelings to the surface prematurely, which makes sense against my immediate thoughts on the matter. It might make sense to keep certain dreams or aspects of my dreams private – it is ironic that we have talked so much about giving and asking for space and we then end up attempting to dream share, effectively eliminating space between us entirely – however as I was awake and praying for the spiritual purification of selfish tendencies I also felt that it made sense to dive into this, as she could help me face the issues and as such transcend them.

Having looked up a variety of dream themes I am increasingly aware of the truly wide variation of what people interpret stuff to mean, which has led me to the conclusion that it is primarily the immediate interpretation that matters. When I am baffled by a theme, object, colour or person I will look it up as and when needed and find the one that resonates most clearly with me. I also think this is a great way to start working on making symbolisms of dreams more translatable and better capable of communicating clearly between the two states of consciousness. Also regarding the privacy I spoke with Karen, and it dawned on me that some dreams can only be understood when analysed against other dreams or contextual events, which might necessitate “sitting” on them for a while as already mentioned.

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation

The following dream took place after a nap on 08-04-2016 so a few hours after the three other entries of today.

I am at a pier, it is late afternoon or early evening. The pier is wooden and one or two ships are docked, also wooden and sailed ships – it feels like this time is around 2-300 years ago, or even set in a fantasy universe where technological development isn't near as advanced as today. It is cloudy and a bit windy (?).

There are a few fragments before I recall the narrative picking up. Which include, being in a pub/inn, which might be on one of the ships or a settled part of the pier. There is something of communion – that is either gathering a party or just being there with friends or associates.

When the narrative pick up, I seem to be floating disembodied above this inn and I notice the clouded weather as well as a sailor – your rugged, politically incorrect stereotypical privateering mercenary type. He is dressed in a sailors outfit – black and white – and he is making advances at a woman, a middle aged wrench, dressed similarly. She has long and curly red hair and is wearing a necklace that looks like a talisman of some description dressed in a dress of black and white with a lot of curly details.

Our sailor is putting an arm around her and making an approach to kiss her, she is smiling and he seems rather determined if not even slightly hard handed in approaching this sexual situation. She lifts up her dress and he approach to enter her, she is smiling somewhat hungrily at him making him aware that she is willing. A person rush behind him and pushes him towards the woman – I feel this push, though watching the situation on our Sailor's left – which forces him deep inside the wrench sparking a concern on my behalf if she is even wet enough for such a quick entry – I don't feel the coitus aspect, only the push.

Our sailor quickly looks about, but can't seem to find the person and so continues to engage in the sexual act. He is however quickly interrupted as many hooded men, dressed in black and a head or two shorter than the sailor starts swarming about. It is clear that they have malicious intent with the sailor and more and more of them approach. A feeling of intensity and excitement arise as the sailor starts fending off the assailants. While still inside the wrench the sailor looks to his left and throw a thundering punch in the face of one of the hooded men, knocking him out. But there are too many of them and quickly they complete their mission, which isn't exactly fatal as expected.

The sailor, the wrench and now me are knocked into the water. The sea is somewhat turbulent, dark waves with frothy crests and we are thrown into barrels – which I observe from a distance further out the sea – and it is clear that we will survive this endeavour.

A voice rings out over us.

“you are not in danger yet, we do not intend to harm you further”.

Associated with the voice is a sense of the hooded assailants following us over the barrels, as if they can either walk on water, roll on the barrels with their feet or fly above. They have a clear intention with us – they need us to do something, we find ourselves participating in a bit of an involuntary mission.

There is a quick skip.

When back we find ourselves in three dingy boats at the shores of a far away land. The sun is bright, not a cloud in the sky, and the sea is rather calm – yet the waves seem to be forcing us towards the cliffs of the shores of this remote land. I myself manage to pull up and start sailing parallel to the cliffs and manage to avoid danger.

The cliffs are dark and contrast the rather bright blue water. They are black and dark red, with hints of brown here and there. Above the cliffs there is a vast area of sandy dessert shining brightly beige in the unimpeded sunshine.

I notice that my companions aren't as fortunate when it comes to avoiding the cliffs. So while I could continue in my boat towards the sandy shores a bit further up the coastline I sail towards an area of the cliffs where I can see a naturally occurring “step” up towards the dessert.

When I get up I meet up with my companions. A woman and a man, the wrench and the sailor – though on the dessert lands their identities seem irrelevant. It becomes apparent that we are now stranded, but that somewhere on this dessert land there is a city and we must find this and procure a ship. I remember being here before and I start explaining.

“There are dangers here” I start out “There are a variety of animals on the desserts” and as I am talking about this I am reminded that there are a number of dinosaurs and beasts, dog like (Varghest) – but massive. I begin to inform about this, but as I do one of the threats emerge from behind a cliff out-spring, that forms a natural door as there are cliff walls on both sides of the hole. In the door appears a pink and chubby dinosaur and we don't get a lot of time looking at it before it shoots a bone projectile towards me and the male on my left.

The projectile is diamond shaped, like two very pointy pyramids joined together at the base with 4 planes running towards the top in a square and pointy fashion. Both the male and I don't manage to dodge it, though I attempt to catch it before it strikes me in the chest – directly at the heart.

As the projectile sinks in I am briefly afraid, but then a reassurance appear at a pre-linguistic intellectual level that I have a certain amount of lives, or layers that I can withstand before I collapse.

I start moving towards the dino in a zigzag fashion and manage to catch the next projectile to immediately throw it back towards it. It sinks into it's throat and within a few seconds the dino is defeated and dead.

Not long pass before a new one appear a bit further up on my right. It is half way behind a stand-alone cliff that rise steeply and pointedly from the sand. It shoots smaller – needle-like – projectiles towards us and I immediately take up the zigzag course again.

To begin with I head pretty much directly towards the dino – which is smaller, not as chubby, but still pink – but then we alter strategy and decide to work together in unison, splitting up and approach the beast from different directions.

I am finally the one that reach it and plug one of the small, but sharp and pointy needles off the head of the beast. I start perforating the throat of the beast, but the first sting does nothing, nor the second and I am reminded that a few holes will only drain the beast of air slowly, so I have patience and use agility to avoid getting in danger of being pierced myself.

Immediate Interpretation: This to me is a hero's dream. The ocean and the confinement in barrels represents a forced emotional turbulent situation, that I will be thrown into and can do nothing but observe and await cessation of – this could easily be relating to Karen's and my relation, the frivolous sailor and the wrench engaged in promiscuous and playful endeavours, that turn into an emotionally tense situation that must be ridden out. Once the storm of this emotional turmoil is over I will find myself in a situation, where I have to overcome challenges, I am likely to have my heart broken and I will find myself in a situation where there is limited support and understanding available, though a few select allies will be able to help me out. The killing of the dinosaurs represent to me the fear of opening up to love – symbolism of pink – and that I will continue to approach this challenge until it is finally achieved, and integrated into my personality – the killing of the dinos – though this doesn't happen in one broad sweep.

Looking up themes: Desert – loss and misfortune – you may be suffering from an attack on your reputation, feelings of loss and isolation. Could signify my fear of ridicule associated with writing my thesis – where I position myself as an emerging shaman – and the loss of prestige I have been expecting for not being the person who writes a PhD, but instead facilitate that others can do this. Dinosaur – outdated attitude or belief, you may need to abandon an outdated habit or patterns of thinking – old issues coming back to haunt you – This I think is very much related to my ego-attachments of the “happy couple” and how “love” is supposed to be played out in a relation between two people – the fact that there are a couple of allies with me might signify a change in cognitive schema's on the whole issue on poly amorousness and being able to let go of the fears of Karen being with someone other than me. Alternatively it might represent conquering my fears of loss in a love relation and the killing a discovery of true, unconditional love.

I will start by saying that I was using a new technique that I found on YouTube. It was called "
Lucid Dream Induction: Dreamwalker" I will add the link at the end. I highly recommend it.

Dream#1: In this dream it was me, my friends Lindell, Dexter(Dex) & my husband Mike(he was asleep for some reason). These are very good friends of ours & used to be our neighbors. Lindell, whom I call "Lin" is like the male version of me w/ some exceptions so we are always doing goofy stuff.

Anyway, back to the dream. We were in Lin & Dex's house & were listening to the previously mentioned excercise which at some point keeps repeating do a reality check so it was interjecting itself into my lucid dream which was pretty exciting for me...Dell decides to record us w/ a tape cassette player for fun. Apparently Lin thought it would be a good idea to play w/ this giant Mouse Trap Game, based on the kids version.. Mike was sleeping but we were all getting into this game & we all suddenly realized we were in Lin's dream. Boy did we get excited at this point. He was also very excited because that was his intenion. Lin went near the edge of a higher curve on the mouse trap & leaned his head over the track upside down which was hillarious so we were trying to make the mouse hit him as it came down the track... I could still hear the words from the actual audio telling me to do the reality checks so this was also in my dream & I did them which was so very incredibly weird but in a good way... We all were waking up, except Mike & wanted to try & get back in "Lin's" dream again so they told me to start the audio over... At that moment, I woke up in real life & started the audio over & layed back down & went right back into the dream! It was really cool. I think this is a form of chaining.... For just a short while I was back in the same dream which eventually went into another dream alltogether, which was my 2nd or 3rd dream of the night. I'm unclear if you wake from a dream & do something & go back into the same dream if it is considered the same dream or is it a new dream.

2nd or 3rd Dream, depending on your definition was very emotional for me. This dream took place at a cabin somewhere. My ex-girlfriend Gail was there (actual girlfriend whom I was in a relationship w/ for a long time & was previously my best friend, she moved away), my husband Mike, me, my kids & some kind of monster. Gail kept trying to "get w/ me" & my husband came around a corner of the cabin while she was grabbing me & got really mad. He was screaming, "I knew it!" and we started arguing w/ me trying to defend myself. We were all trying to get away from some monster I coudn't even see but the car & truck wouldn't start & it was all just all kinds of bad... I was just glad when I woke up... I'm not surprised by this dream at all. My husband & her do not get along at all & I severed all ties from her years ago. I showed her pic to Mike this week from FB. Let me be clear here. I am not friends w/ her on there either but I do check on her every now & then because I will always care for her & she has multiple kinds of cancer & won't be around in a few yrs & its sad. He understands this. She & I were both victim's of domestic violence & she was there for me & helped me to stand up against my 1st husband. Anyway, I'm sure the picture triggered the dream.

Lucid Dream Induction: Dreamwalker

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BDOUSVZGHHo

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation

Karen and I are lying in bed and we are getting friendly touching one another. She then turns very angry and decisively try and perform oral sex on me. She is very angry and is trying to bite me, though I don't get the idea that she is trying to mutilate me. I try and fence her off a little – as I am not interested in having sex of any kind in this emotional state – but she keeps making her advances, and I keep trying to fend her off until I awake.

Immediate Interpretation: I have experienced a fear that Karen is engaging in sexual activities with me in a forced manner that is she is doing it either to avoid confronting an issue or to please my expectations. In this dream I see the aggressive push for oral sex as this fear of her trying to stifle communication of an emotional/personal problem – as she is blocking her throat chakra – and I feel irritated and misunderstood because she doesn't seem to understand that I am more willing to listen to her concerns regardless of what it may implicate for our sexual relation.

Note: When we had sex the night before and we were lying naked next to one another, looking into one another's eyes she looked away timidly and said “the bodily unrest is back now” and after looking at her and asking where it was, she went on “I had it silenced for a while there” in a cheeky tone. For this reason I think it is rather pointless looking up things and frankly this interpretation makes so much sense to me. Also the anger she is displaying in the dream is representative of my own budding anger at her not feeling comfortable with opening up to me about this bodily unrest, also because it might have implications for my actions – however she may simply not be aware of what it is.

Looking up themes: Willingness to receive pleasure – talking about sex. We are talking about sex and I am explicit about my attraction to her. It could represent the recent fascination with anal sexuality.

D1:
I only remember fragments of this dream. I went outside with some friends.

D2:
I dreamt that I was with my brother and my cousin and we were on one of the 'Fire Emblem'-Stages from SSB4. I still have this image in my head of seeing me in third-person-view when I noticed that I WAS DREAMING (1st LD)!!!! BUT then I wanted to rub my hands to know how it feels and the moment my hands touched I was kicked out and woke up. I WAS SO UPSET! IT WOULD HAVE BEEN AN AMAZING DREAM!

Preface:
Got to sleep pretty late, close to midnight. Listening to a lot of Belly dance music, lately, practicing listening for cues. I only did a few mantras earlier in the day. I intended on doing some before I went to sleep, but I got busy playing with my phone, etc.


DR 1
I was in the backseat of a red jeep, being driven by unknown men. Seated behind the passenger seat, I looked out the window to my right. I could see there had been a flood, although I witnessed no rain. There was so much high water in the streets. The driver of the jeep attempted to do what many Houstonians attempt to do during our floods- which is drive through it. We got stuck and the jeep started to sink. We have to go, said one of the guys. I tried to open the door quickly, but when the water came in, I got scared and closed the door. The guys left the jeep and it kept sinking. I finally opened the door and got out...


DR 2
There was a show of some sort. I was supposed to be singing with my 14 yo niece (we sing a lot together in real life) and another person (unknown to me in real life). I was in a small apartment practicing with them- but we hadn't sung anything yet. We could only decide on two songs..I can only recall one.."Stand by Me". We were practicing singing cues...(cues again).

DR 3
A man (in a suit, looking important and in kind of a rush) hands me a stack of manila folders (15-20) and tells me that he needs me to get to the pharmacy "ASAP because the crazy people need their meds!" I do not act surprised by the crazy people comment, but I am surprised that I am being asked to do this. Apparently delivering files is not my job so I am not happy about having to do it, but I do it anyway. Each one of the manila folders in the stack has a million post-it notes on it, with notes written in red and black ink. I can't make out what they say. I don't really try because I realize that this is an urgent task and I just need to get on with it, because I don't want the crazy people out of control. I am walking down the sidewalk and there is still high water down some of the streets. I try to take a detour between some red colored buildings, but I can still see the water on the other side.


Side notes:
Been waking up and having the most random songs in my head. Today's song is none other than the Tag Team's "Whoomp There It Is", which is hilarious but I am not embarrassed. I'm from Texas after all, "Home of the TRILL". Doubt that was an international hit.

1. (semi Lucid)
I had just sat up in bed(False awakening). I sat there for a second just looking around. My lights were still off and my old blue nightlight that I used to use years ago was on(It's always on in my dreams). This gave my room a glowing blue appearance, like I commonly see in my recurring dream where my entire house is glowing blue. I get out of bed and stand up. My door is open which is odd because I always close it. I have no idea what time it is but I can hear my parents so I know they are awake. I walk out of my room and stop right in the middle of the hallway. It's really dark. There are no lights on in the house except for the light in my parents bedroom, which I can see through the spaces of their door.
I then walk into the restroom which is literally 2 or 3 steps away from where I'm standing and I flip the light switch to turn on the light. A very very dim orange light turns on, as luminous as a small nightlight. "This happens all of the time in my dreams" I say out loud frustrated with the lights. I go to the opposite end of the restroom and flip the light switch to the other light. It turns on, but once again it is very dim and the light itself is blue. Suddenly the two lights fade quickly and seconds later I find myself standing in complete darkness. "I could be dreaming right now for sure" I say out loud. I then start feeling this creepy vibe, as if someone is in the restroom with me. The restroom door is still open, but barely any light is coming in.
The creepy vibe gets stronger and stronger to the point where I just leave the restroom. Just as I am about to do a reality check my dad opens his door. "Dad the lights aren't working" I tell him. "Again?" he says "Alright let me fix them." He then pulls out some tools out of thin air and we go into my room. He places the tools on my bed and then goes into the restroom to unscrew the light bulbs and takes them out. He goes back into my room, sits on my bed, and starts working on the lights trying to fix them.