All DJ Entries

Morning of May 11, 2015. Monday.



I seem to be in a cold region in a mostly featureless building with little or no furniture. There are more children than adults and it illogically seems to be near either Antarctica or the Arctic region, though that is not certain. Most people seem seated and leaning against a grayish inner wall. The setting remains mostly semi-dark. There seems to be a concern for an unknown length of time about having warmer clothes or more food just to survive from day to day, though the setting does not really seem apocalyptic.

A man who reminds me of Nixon makes a brief (at first) appearance. However, the face is not very realistic, even being somewhat plastic-like, like a mask, and quite pale. It is not a mask though; it is just a “frozen grin” over a somewhat grotesque, almost sadistic visage. At one point, the man lifts his arms up as Nixon used to do but for no particular reason, it seems, though he seems to automatically do it when approached or addressed.

The “Nixon” man seems to be the main authority around the warehouse-like refuge. There is a small plant nursery but not nearly enough to feed the residents. At one point, a ship arrives, requiring certain males to go out and chop away at the ice until the ship gets through in a rather time-wasting zigzagging route. There are mostly only sheep aboard the ship (probably some sort of word play going on here).

The Nixon man goes close to some of the sheep and holds their “chin” to look into their eyes. He tells the captain of the ship to take them all back and I see a rather odd cartoon balloon fading in and out that shows sketchy sheep drawings - they are sitting in chairs and playing cards. “Send back the sheep,” says Nixon, “so that they may fulfill their dreams of white houses and picket fences” (“white house” likely a play on “White House” and “picket” related to picketing/protesting). I see a one-panel cartoon of a sheep mowing the lawn in “Far Side” style (possible reference to sheep shearing - not sure if it came from an actual cartoon image I once saw - I know there were a lot of “sheep as humans” gags).

I am aware that all of the adults and children will die, but there is a strange focus on whether or not it will be by starvation or lack of warm clothes. I also have a brief thought that they may be the last humans on Earth, even though, again, it somehow does not seem apocalyptic (at least not a major event).

Similar to another recent dream, I only see a head floating near my dream’s final segment. In this case, Nixon’s entire body and much of the head vanishes, leaving a Guy Fawkes mask that moves side to side in a corner of an empty room (in midair at head height) as if to say “no” (although I do not get the impression it is saying “no”; just a result of some sort of momentum with no intelligence of any kind being present). I am trying to “remember” if the whole Earth is frozen.



There is a sustained hypnopompic focus on the misuse of the word “carnivore” to describe non-vegetarians or to describe anyone that eats meat at all. (I do not eat much cooked red meat and do not care much for steak - did not eat hardly any steak prior to around age nineteen. Also, lamb meat makes me immediately ill due to its horrid greasiness and I cannot understand how people can eat it unless in a survival situation.) The ridiculous misuse of the word “carnivore” (in the uneducated colloquial sense; in the same light as calling a turtle a “gopher” or a skunk a “polecat” as they do mainly in the south in America) makes me realize how critical thinking skills are completely lacking in some people just to serve a fringe agenda and to continuously belittle or troll others. A vegetarian does not usually eat meat (and I have nothing against vegetarians), so a carnivore would technically not ever eat vegetables or in fact, anything but fresh uncooked meat. Reason does not dawn on such people, though, even in diverse situational examples related to survival scenarios and it is quite unfortunate. This is something that sometimes goes through my mind, this time influenced by a few things I recently saw on the media related to the supposed torture of all sheep by all shearers (notice I said “all”) when sheared, which was rightfully discredited and debunked by the news staff (though certainly not to imply that the media is always honest or that all shearers are competent).

Ironically, sheep are used as an argument for sentient beings and their (animal) rights while some of the same mentalities call people “sheep” in a very negative context; hypocrisy at its finest. I pointed this out back in 1991 to penfriends from California and it actually dawned on them that my commentary was correct and that the realization caused them to feel a bit strange and less “militant” and “anti-human” in their views.

I wake up and find a roach running around on top of my blanket. I tried to catch it with my hands but it was too evasive for me. I eventually got off from the bed and turn on the lights. I then track the roach with my eyes in till he had went under the blanket again. It was difficult to see again, that's when I realize the lights had went out again. I turn them on again but quickly they turn off. I could now see the light in the bathroom was on, could be my father I thought.

Though that didn't make much sense, that's when I look at my hands to see my fingers were bend over and crooked. I became lucid and said I was in waking life a couple of minutes ago. When did I go unconscious? I enter the living room to the kitchen. Not too long I notice how short I was compare to the usual objects inside the kitchen. I must've been the size of a rat.

I still had hands despite the height and had no trouble opening the now large back door. It was night but didn't appear to look like a sky at all. I could see a lot of dark voids roaming around the area. There's a lot now I said to myself, barely any room for dream activity. I manage to get to one of the dream scenes by running up the usual hill I take. Running on the grass with my feet felt like running on a mouse pad.

I also confirm that I usually don't have shoes on when lucid. I saw a few houses boarding near the voids. I made my way pass a backyard and over to a road. I could see a garage door wide open with a light beaming down from above. That's when I notice someone had been standing behind me. It look like a doll of some human, they appear as if they couldn't move. That is when I wake up and attempted to write down my experience. But it was very difficult to do so. I then wake up again. Lucidity Time: 4 minutes

I was at university sitting in a lecture. The lecturer was talking about some arbitrary thing. I couldn't shake the feeling that I wasn't supposed to be in that class. I'm sure that at one stage I was sitting alone but then later I was sitting next to my friend. The lecturer cut the lecture really short and we all rushed out the venue. I looked for my friend but she was long gone and then I remembered she said goodbye. I went to some other people outside and I saw a bit from my school who was a few years younger than me. I said hello to him but he didn't respond. I noticed that it was starting to rain and I saw the time was 3:40. I told everyone I wanted to go home before the traffic rush and the storm. I walked all the way to the other side of the university and realized my car wasn't there. I ran back tithe other side when I realized I left y laptop back in the lecture hall. I got my laptop and went towards the other parking lot. It was already dark. Just before I went out the door by the parking I was pushed by some random guy. I went out the door and pushed the door closed as he was coming through. He was pissed off so I told him to hit me. I wanted to provoke a fight with him. Eventually he did hit me and we ended up on the rugby field at my old school we had a big fight there and I beat him up. A coach saw us fighting and ran towards us but I just picked the kid up and threw him into the stands.

I was at a party with my friends. I had made friends with some girl as well and we were talking on the phone. My friends were talking about movies and as a joke I was pretending to spoil them. My other friend messaged is in a group saying there was a new item set in dota2. I wanted to test the girl I was talking to but my friends were nosy so I held my phone away from them.

The first part of this dream was vague but I was at university. We were playing some sort of game where we had to collect dragon ball type things to strengthen us against out opponents. We had 2 dragon balls. I did what I had to in order to get us another dragon ball. That dragon ball I got was really dim and didn't have the stars to indicate what number it was. The people in front of us who we were going to fight had 3 full dragon balls. I can't remember what but I was told to do something to make the balls more clear. I think I had to take a shot of something. Finally the 3rd ball was clear but our opponents had 5 already.

I was in a parking lot at a mall. I was about to reverse into the parking when the car in the adjacent parking moved into it. Eventually I was parked in by many other cars who were also going for that parking. It took ages before we could even get out of the parking lot. My mom and my gran came to see what happened in the parking lot and they were saying something about the people who changed parings. I was really angry an I was shouting at the people behind me calling them idiots. Later I was with my mom who said she hadn't had whiskey in ages. I told her that's nothing special since she never drinks anyway. She told me she has a brandy every now and then so I just laughed with her.

In the first dream when I looked at the time it was 3:40. Later when I looked it was 3:10.

I let my mind to freely associate concentrated on being here and now... and I let body fall to sleep.
After some 5 minutes I appeared to be flying above moonlit rocky landscape. There wasn't animal life nor plants. Only rocks... and then also many mountain lakes. The moon was shining so bright that it looked like at cloudy day. Only difference was, that the light appeared to be silvery in color. I let myself to be slowly carried over country... and then I was flying above lake... It was so clean, I saw every rock in the water... it was maybe 100m deep but I saw bottom of lake clearly. I was fascinated and slowly steered to fly above lake... The moon was mirroring on the surface of lake. I felt peace... everything looked peaceful, pure, nice. I changed the course of my flight to next lake. That one was deep, very deep. It looked like kilometers deep. Then I again changed course and flew directly into that pond. Crossing the surface of water it felt like I broke through some resistance, but nothing strong. And I flew in the water into the deep. Deep down...
I didn't manage to reach bottom, since my wife interrupted my trip and woke me up by movement in her sleep.

It's been exactly 30 days since my first entry! But today's not any different. Didn't MILD and hardly any recall. In fact, I can hardly remember anything. Only around the location I was in but really nothing else. I need to do better tonight!

Large place

I was in this large hallway in a school. There was lots of people with me and we were going through. I also recall being in a classroom.

Dream on 5/10/15. Severe thunderstorm sirens woke me up and I had trouble falling back to sleep. Finally did around 7:30 AM CST

I was walking. I'd been here before. This place. In the countryside. I was walking with others and we were looking for something.

As we'd been driving, the power went out on the street. And, everyone's cars stalled. Except some got stuck in acceleration mode and were slamming in to other vehicles. I kept flicking the key on my car. Then the car in front of me started to accelerate. And it started to push the nose of my car. But it was a powerful car and mine was rather small so it started to tip my car as it accelerated. And like that, my lights came back on the car and the engine started and I quickly drove up on to the curb and turned right at the intersection. and I am driving and it is pitch black because no one's lights are working and the power in the neighborhood is out and I am having to speed across intersections to avoid cars that are stuck on accelerate. And I'm driving and colliding with other vehicles but still going. And then there is a big crash and my car flips on to its nose and then rocks back down.

The next moment of cognizance I am walking with a group of people. Yes, the place I know. And we see another few people walking and decide to go talk to them. to see if they know whats going on. and they are saying they dont know, the power went out and everything went kind of chaotic. houses and apartments look like theyve been looted. and we climb this fence and the veranda at this house is open and the curtains are blowing and everyone says we should go talk to this man inside because he knows whats going on. and so i make my way back with the group. and we enter this back room and everyones talking and they point at this man and say ask him. but as we're talking someone starts getting weird. their pupils dilate and their face screws up and they get this insane expression. and they start to pant heavily and look around and lick their lips. and im like...what is going on . and then she makes this awful noise, this guttural croak, and she dives at someone that had walked in with me and started snapping at their face. and of course we're surprised so we kind of push her off and think its just...something strange. with her. she's lost it. but then we start hearing others panting and look around and their pupils are dilating. i grab a few people and we get in to a closet and close the door. and watch as the others with the crazy expressions start to take bites of flesh and skin off people's faces. and blood is spurting everywhere. and they devour those people. and here we sit in this closet watching and horrified and trying not to make a sound.

but in 20 minutes or so, they snap out of it. their pupils return to normal and they clean themselves off and are talking again. and so, without any other option, i open the door and walk out and they all ask me why we're in there and start joking and talking. like nothing went wrong.

so we live like that. because its like their status of insanity goes dormant for awhile. and they have no memory of what they did. but there are some that hunt those of us that aren't like them. because they can only eat those that aren't crazy when their insanity is triggered. so we have to mimic them....and i think to myself as im trying to make their noises and even pretending to bite others and smear blood on myself that we're the true crazy ones that are knowingly attacking and preying on others to avoid detection.

and time passes and those that are 'normal', per se, dwindle. and we are hunted. and people look back on 'that time' before this and ask how people lived. for most of this time, the power is still off and nothing mechanical works. so, we have to relearn how to survive.

and then i am in a household. where ive been living this whole time. avoiding detection. and i walk in and see two people tied up on this altar. the wealthy owner of this house is going to have a sacrifice later. because finding the normal ones is so rare nowadays that these feasts are only for the elite. and i see their sad eyes but act like its nothing and walk by. and i see many men shuffle in. because for some reason, during this transition, women were only allowed to survive two to a household. and some, even the crazies, were sacrificed. i dont know why. thats just how it is. so women are less common and we are not considered as strong. maybe because we aren't as violent during the moments of insanity as the men.

so the two tied up are sacrificed and i walk in on the lady of the house getting off watching this. because shes not allowed to eat them with the men. and im horrified. and i notice another girl in the room, another maid of sorts, is also horrified. and i know somehow that she is like me. and so we talk in hushed voices and i confirm. and i tell her to go hide in a closet. but the men--- they all decide to come up to the lady's room. and so we're stuffed in this closet and hiding under a blanket and all the men are walking by. and we know we must get away. so i tell the girl we must act and be brave and we can get to safety.

the men are starting to yearn for the crazy, you see. they like that state of mind. it makes them feel powerful. so they are always on the hunt.

so, we get to a top floor where the corridor is blocked off from people coming and we sit and wait. and she tells me of others. so we agree to go meet them. and so we sneak out later and walk the roads and its dark except for fires and torches burning on people's properties. and we are meeting in the dark talking about what we can do. to make it safe again. and as we're talking we realize a lot of foot traffic nearby. and we see another big altar in the middle of a meadow and they're sacrificing others. and here is a group of 10-15 girls and we are all normals. so we begin to panic.

and then we are running and being chased. and the sun is coming up. but this is our plan. we have a plan. so i am racing along this apartment complex. leaping from balcony to balcony and on to stair cases. and there are hundreds of men racing after me. those guttural roars from their mouth and their eyes so wild. and they are grasping at my ankles and shoulders but i am running along a wiring cage and they can't quite reach me. and as im running, im cutting wires and the metal is falling down and hitting people below. i am several stories up.

and im running and pass a husky dog sitting there and look at him and think thats odd. he seems so innocent and sweet. but i keep moving and know what i must do. i near the center of the complex and there is this rope and i cut it and turn to face the piece of metal that had been held back. it is like an l-shaped pipe that is very sharp. and it slides down with force from above and pierces me in the chest. and the men reach me and begin to feast on me. but i know the dynamite or tnt or whatever it is will go off. and kill them. and maybe be the change that us normals need.

+ (LD #111) guy with a retractable head (sinks down into his body): I notice this and get lucid, say hey I know you can do that thing with your head, we jump into the air in the stairwell we're descending and have a bit of a fight, I throw him down the stairwell.

(Definitely lucid, and fairly early in the night I think, got lucid from the weirdness of the retracting head, but awareness fairly low and didn't last long).

+ A bunch of us get off of the bus, we're all wearing our pajamas and we're approaching a stripmall, I mention the pajamas thing. We look into a deli but it's way too crowded, so we keep walking. We come to a place where workmen are, there is no food available. We head back to the deli and now the crowd is much smaller we can enter. There are all sorts of sandwich meats laid out.

At band practice the director is quite demanding, we rehearse for a while then will break until later, I see a sign that practice continues at 1:00pm, that doesn't leave much time for lunch.

Bowling: I observe a woman bowling, give advice, and I bowl myself. A woman bowls and I say "woo hoo, see, a strike!" but she says no, one pin (the 5?) is still standing, I look and see it wobbling, I think it will fall but it doesn't, another pin eventually slowly comes rolling by and knocks it down, "See!" I say," a strike! I'm bowling and get a nasty 4-7-10 split. I think the only hope is to aim for the left side and hope I can get the 4 or 7 to scoot across to hit the 10. I have to stand to the right in order to bowl properly for the 4-7. Then a little girl is there and some pins are on the alley right past the foul line. She's picking them up, "Careful!" I say, "don't set off the foul detector," I'm really nervous and concerned that she'll set it off and I won't get a chance to finish the frame myself. Of course she eventually sets off the foul detector and I get really mad and fume and complain about this for a while. I can't find my ball, I pick up what I think is my ball but the fingers don't fit right. Leaving the alley, we're late to get back to the band practice, I'm shouting for my friends to make sure they take my bowling ball, "where's my bowling ball?!".

(This multi-scene dream went on for quite a while and was fairly vivid & detailed)

Hi. How's it going?

I woke up a few times, but remembered no dreams. It seems that I wake up too gradually, with whole minutes of half-awareness. By the time I realised what was going on, I already forgot all my dreams.

Interruptions (FLD/LD, ND), Back in Netherlands (ND) (—7:10)

I was in what I imagine to be a FA — I somehow knew I would enter a LD. The next thing I know is I'm in the ocean just off the beach, carrying what I assume to be my sister (it could be someone else — I'm not sure). Behind us was a goofy looking Voldermort with a sword and mediaeval clothing (of which I remember a white blouse-like shirt). The dream even paused so I could look at it a bit longer. Also, he flew and was flanked by vaguely defined henchman.

So I swam to the beach where I tried flying away — I could jump high, but I couldn't fly while carrying presumably my sister. Since there was a large, building-like obstacles in the way, we went around the right side. There was more beach there, with a small crowd of DC. For a moment I thought Voldermort would never actively harm me because of all the witnesses.

So then I headed back towards the buildings, from the east side. I jumped up and over buildings and then…

Then there was this tall wired fence, one which looked so imposing, it just had to be electrifying. Beyond the fence were endless dunes of sand. There was also someone who looked an awful lot like Steven Stone (Pokemon character). The dunes all a solid yellow and solid black (shadows), and I somehow got an impression they weren't actually dunes, but more like nonexistence.

At this point I was thinking of the ocean and beach prior and putting together some kind of theory that the island was the mere blob of existence in an endless ocean of nonexistence. Thinking back to how I was screwing about with Voldermort and such, I ascended to a higher state of lucidity. I turned around, imagined a doorway in the fence, turned back, and it was there. My vision was slightly blurry. However, I didn't want to go through — if it was all endless 'dunes', what would be the point? I then started thinking of goals I had on my mind whilst awake. I felt some sort of passion build up in me — I knew I was on a breakthrough with my clarity of mind. My goals came to me clearly, and I knew just what I ha—

I woke up. It was a FA. I lost lucidity, went back to sleep and hoped to get back to the dream.

Then there was this vague repeat of the last dream, except it had all sorts of Pokemon characters in there. It was now a video game all of the sudden without any lucidity.

…

I was by my parents' restaurant and it was raining. This was bad because I had hidden my phone beneath a flower pot (for... some reason?). I check on my phone but aside from a few drops of water it was fine. I readjusted the flower pot in such a manner my phone would remain hidden as well as remain dry. I then leave with my parents off to somewhere with the car.

On the way there, I asked where we were going. My father say something along the lines of... I don't remember, but it was boring. Not to mention I had second thoughts about housing my phone below a flower pot. I asked to be left out so I could walk the way back.

I come across a few of the landmarks we passed on the way there, such as a canal where the roads slanted up (and the canals would be subsequently deeper), as well as a whole bunch of stone stairways. The stairways had thick railings that doubled as decorative waterfalls. I could slide down these waterfalls and would go very fast, but I can't remember actually getting wet. also, I remember sliding down all the stairways, but I initially had to go up. At another point I couldn't pass through because there was a long wave of children riding out from a small grass field for sports and such. I noted that all their bicycles looked like some sort of plastic (but still sturdy) . I wondered whether this was some kind of new design thing.

Eventually I realised that I was in Amsterdam all along! How did I get there? I walked? Okay, so I wasn't wholly convinced I was in Amsterdam, so I checked for signs that I was — I saw this restaurant we once went to, as well as an alleyway with a signboard saying "King's Cross" (even though that's London/Harry Potter, even though the train station was the whole other way, even though supposed 'King's Cross' actually led to the car parking area). I decided to check out on my father's restaurant in the near vicinity. I came across something that was supposedly it, but it was buried behind curtains and such and it was hard to see. I found this rather odd.

I then came across my older sister who just so happened to bent there, which was also odd considering there was this row she had with father where due they still do not interact with each other. Therefore, I was a bit dubious over her positive demeanour.

The topic turned to that of coins and mystic religion statues and such. It's all a bit blurry (actually can't be bothered to continue typing).

I remember returning to the stone stairways again. Those were fun.

Sitting near the oven

I was in my kitchen. I was sitting on a bench placed near an oven. I had only underwear on me. I looked at the clock and it was nearing midnight. Then I looked inside the oven, and saw that there is a pizza, baking inside.

Praying near the grave

With my father we went to local graveyard. It was cloudy afternoon. We looked for a grave of person I can't recall. We searched the grave for a while, and we found it. Then another man joined us, we hold our hands and prayed.

1. I was driving down a big freeway in my car, and I was on my way to school. The sun was rising but hadn't fully come up yet and I "knew" that it was really early in the morning. As I sped down the freeway, I took the next exit I saw so I could get to school. Once I got on the exit and got onto the feeder, I continued on and came to an underpass. I took a left and the underpass led me to do a U-turn while going at a downwards angle. As I was doing so, a car in front of me came to a dead stop instantly as there was a stop sign in front of it. I couldn't slow down fast enough and I ended up hitting the back of this car in front of me.
"Shit, shit, what the fuck! This HAS to be a dream!" I say to myself, so caught up in the situation and driving that I get distracted from my reality check. I can clearly see 3 dents that my car made on the back of the car in front of me. The driver of the car rolls down their window and signals me to follow them so we can talk and exchange information. I see at this point that the driver of the car is a woman in her late 30's or early 40's. I follow her under another underpass and we both pull off to the side. At this underpass, there seems to be some sort of event going on preventing the flow of traffic. There are a ton of people in white shirts walking around and socializing. I park my car and get out to meet the lady.
She is furious about the entire ordeal and I am extremely stressed out. "Dad is going to kill me once he finds out" I think to myself. I start to tear up a little bit because I know now that my license is going to be affected, this will go on my record, I probably will get my license suspended, and my parents are going to kill me. "Do you have any idea what you've just done!?" the lady yells at me. "I know, I'm sorry, I totally did not mean for this to happen" I tell her. I get a piece of paper and a pen out of my car so we can deal with insurance. As I do so, a few people from the event that is going on come over and they are all pissed at me. I specifically remember one bald skinny man in his late 30's early 40's as well coming over and scrutinizing me. "You shouldn't even be driving- causing accidents like this" he tells me( even though I've had my license since January in waking life and have not got into an accident yet).
I then wake up to waking life and am extremely relieved that it was all just a dream, and I was just on the verge of lucidity once more. It felt so crazy how vivid it all was. I fall back asleep and the dream continues off just where it ended, except now I am still on my way to the school after the accident. I am now in school and walking through the halls. I look at my phone and it says that the time is 6:40 a.m. I am aware of how early I am, but the accident is still so strong on my mind that I don't care. I even thought about going back home, but decided not too since I was already in school now.

2. I am driving through my neighborhood and had just turned onto the street that my house is on. As I drive down it, I see a blue car parked on the side of the road. I get too close to it a clip it and scratch the paint severely. It turns out that a man was in this car and sees what just happened. I stop my car and pull over in front of him, and we are now practically in front of my house. I park my car and get out to meet him. "Dear God, now this really is happening! I really did just get into an accident!" I think to myself. I am semi-lucid but do not do a reality check because of how stressful the situation is once again. I tell the man whose car I scratched to hold on for a second while I go inside my house to get my parents.
I ring my doorbell and my mom answers. I tell her what had just happened and she is mad and comes outside to help me out. We go over to the man and his car and start talking. "Mom, I'm so sorry for getting into this entire mess, this was a total accident" I tell her as we talk to the man. "Good thing this is just a dream then" my mom tells me, "otherwise this would be bad". At this point I become fully lucid and leave the scene without saying goodbye. I jump up into the air and fly down my street. I notice that the sky is dark and filled with thunderclouds, but it is not raining yet. The thought of all the things I could do come to my mind. I realize that I can become Superman, The Flash, or my own hero that I created: Orion Jay. I realize that I can see that one girl that I've been trying to see for a while.
I close my eyes as I imagine all of those possibilities and suddenly, whatever I think about starts to become real, like I am actually there now. I open my eyes back up and I find myself still flying down my street. I land on the next street around the corner and run with the speed of the flash all the way to the middle of this street. I then jump into the air once more and become superman and fly with incredible speed up thousands of feet. As I am doing so, I look down to see what I am wearing. I am wearing a tan suit with a blue tie and black shoes. I rip open my shirt and see that I am now wearing a superman outfit( lol lame). I don't want to be superman, so I feel myself turn into Orion Jay. Slowly my entire body starts turning into his suit, which is as black as void.

I took a nap and had sleep paralysis for most of it, I attempted to become lucid but didn't quite make it.
As with most sleep paralysis, dreaming and waking were blended together, so that for the dream I was laying in my bed, but the room around me was slightly different. For one, there was a very tall man in a black suit, with a dark blue dress shirt standing beside my bed. I only got a glimpse at part of his scalp, since he covered his face with one hand. The other hand knocked against my knee, startling me anew ever few seconds. It was very unpleasant, trying very hard to become creepy. Then I realized he used the tapping for emphasis while speaking.
"Mother has died. Mother is dead. Mother is dead."
My voice came out sluggish, "I'm sorry." He tapped my knee again. "Please stop that."
The man paused and then repeated, obviously grief stricken, "She's dead."
I managed to lift my hand to catch his pale grey-white fingers before they tapped again. He ripped his hands from my feeble grip, seeming wild and angry.
"I asked you to stop that."

There was also something about finding the head of a doll in my blankets. I picked it up and smoothed down the hair, it had those eyes that blink when you tilt it. I was waiting for it to blink on its own.
Then I saw a tangle of thread that became a spider, crawling under my blanket.

I got out of bed, my feet heavy. I made it to the patio door and stepped outside onto the rough, wet concrete. It felt so real, but my vision remained dim. I walked out to the front gate, waiting for something to tip me off that I continued to dream, nothing did. One of my eyes remained closed. I put my hand over it, worried that the neighbor I could see standing across the street would think me odd, with one eye stuck shut.

I 'woke' in bed, and made my way out to the patio door. This time it looked different. There was a 3ft, red wooden door where the doggy door usually sits. I opened it and tried to go outside, but I was too big to fit. Of course.

Just a side note to let others know that I've still been getting lucid and paying attention to my dreams. The last time i slept i had a dream i was in a Mario kart world playing in the waterfall lucid and some other things happened but yeah, not interested in writing it. I haven't even been interested in dream views lately. Feels like i'm slowly drifting away. Not even the member's i usually check out are posting. Its kind of disappointing but its okay. Things change and so do people's circumstances. ^ w ^" At least I haven't abandoned the senseless banter section. haha

Ritual: It was a great night for dreaming, probably because I went to bed so much earlier than usual, though I've also been especially attentive to my RCs for the last couple days. I went to bed a little before midnight, and I'm also currently on the East Coast, so the clock was three hours ahead of my usual time zone. My sleep was punctuated with the usual half-dozen wakings, though I didn't do any specific night practices other than try to pay attention to the transitions between sleeping and waking, and in this I was not persistant or prompt enough to pull off a WILD or a DEILD. But by around 6am I woke up from the first DILD, spent until 7:30am writing it down, then went back to bed and lucked into a second one.

NLD, "Drones": I'm standing by a floor-to-ceiling, wall-length window in a big hotel suite, looking out over the curve of a bay. From the height we must be somewhere between the 20th and 30th floor, and to the right I can see another tall building, or perhaps an extension of the same hotel, following the curve of the beach. Ahead and to the left is the flat horizon of the sea. It would be a pleasant view if it weren't for all the drones hovering in our field of vision, each one carrying a sign with a single word on it, white block letters on a black background. The words seem to be completely random.

"It's like some dystopian future," I comment to Peter Dinklage, who is standing to my left. I muse about what it would be like if the drones were weaponized, and turned on us like machines tend to do in science fiction. Though a chilling thought, they are awkwardly constructed without any armoring, and look like they would be easy to shoot down.

Then I notice that although they are not armed with guns, each drone is fitted with a camera, which is just as bad in some ways. Are they conducting mass surveillance on us? The cameras are all pointed directly at us. As I watch, a see a few drones of a different type fly in very close. They are not carrying signs, and they are disk-shaped, topped with a transparent dome through which we can see tiny people inside operating them. The pilots can't be human: even though I am standing next to a dwarf, they are much smaller than him, the size of babies, but with adult features and pointed ears. One of them waves at us, and Peter Dinklage says something like, "This is really disturbing."

FA-DILD, "Smallpox": Shortly after this I have the sense of waking up, though it is not a typical FA; I do not find myself in bed. I feel like I am standing in the same spot, in the same room, only awake now. Everyone else who was in the room a moment ago is gone, and there is no longer any impression of a view. The light has changed, becoming greyer and dimmer: it felt like late afternoon a moment ago, now it feels like early morning.

At once I notice that something is wrong with my body: a dense network of small patchy blisters is completely covering my skin. I look at myself in third person, as though in a mirror, and see them everywhere: covering my face, my chest, my arms, every patch of visible skin is mottled with these raised lesions. I know exactly what they are, too, I've seen them before in historical pictures: these are smallpox pustules, apparently in an early stage, since they are slightly lighter than my natural skin color and haven't scabbed or opened yet.

Immediately my rational mind rejects the scenario: didn't I get vaccinated for this? I realize I don't specifically remember getting a smallpox vaccine, but... isn't that because smallpox is extinct? I can't recall the details but I'm sure I remembered hearing that. Surely it's not making a comeback, like measles, because of all these anti-vaccers? But that can't be right—if smallpox were coming back then vaccinations for it would have become available, and I'd have been first in line.

This can't be happening. I try to will away the pustules but nothing changes. I remain unconvinced. This can't be happening, it must be a dream. If I can levitate, I will know it is a dream: I put my mind to it and though I do not levitate properly, I can feel that gravity is definitely different from waking life. So it is a dream! Okay, that's what I thought. Thank goodness I don't really have smallpox. Now I just need to fix my appearance.

I go into the bathroom and look in the mirror, trying to will my skin smooth again. The pustules are stubbornly persistant, but a lock of hair turns white and I decide to transform the rest of it for fun. It instantly turns stark white, but the texture remains smooth and silky. This gives me the idea to turn my skin jet black, like that of a drow elf. I concentrate and most of it transforms, but there are still pale patches on my forehead and upper cheeks, and when I look down at my legs, they are a streaky grey that is fading out toward the ankles, more like body paint than skin pigment.

On the bright side, changing the color of my skin finally got rid of the pustules, leaving it smooth again. Now I just want to even out the color, but the pale patches resist my initial attempts to darken them through will alone. I try to use my hands, as though spreading pigment over the resistant areas, and this helps a bit, but it is not an easy fix. As I peer closer into the mirror during this process, I notice that my eyes are solid black. I can't remember if this was the correct color for drow eyes, but I really like the effect. By the time I complete the skin transformation, my hair has faded from snow white to a yellower bone white, and this looks better and more natural with the jet black eyes and skin.

During this process my hair has been going through stylistic variations, always long and straight, but hanging down in different ways, and smeared with substances like blood or oil. I figure this makes sense for drow fashion, since living underground they probably don't bathe all that often, making hair treatments like oil very practical, whereas the bloody streaks look impressively gruesome. Although my skin won't stay pure black, it doesn't fully revert to its natural shade either, but retains traces of color, like streaky orange-browns on a muted blue base, while the hair stays yellowish-white.

WBTB: I woke up and spent over an hour writing the report of the last dream, but afterwards it was still early enough to go back to bed. Although I was not sleepy, it was a pleasantly lazy morning, and I enjoyed drifting in hypnagogic imagery. There was a period of ambiguity where it became increasingly difficulty to tell if I was having waking or dreaming experiences, and then I slipped again into full dream.

DILD, "Bed Monsters": I was wandering through the large house belonging to my in-laws where I am currently staying, and I had lost count of the number of bedrooms... there had to be more than twenty. Just how big was this place? At that moment I realized, no, of course it is not so big in waking life, it is because I am dreaming that the size has been exaggerated. Dreaming, eh? Wasn't there something I had meant to do, if I found myself dreaming in a bedroom? Suddenly I recalled this month's TOTM, to make friends with the monster under your bed. Oh! I should get back to the room where I'd been sleeping! I dashed back so quickly I was afraid I would destabilize the dream, but luckily it stayed intact.

I peered under the bed but it was a pleasant open space. It looked like there were a few banal things stored under there, but nothing looked sinister or monstrous. I felt around for something to work with, and my hand closed around a small plush object, which I withdrew and examined closely. It was a small brown teddy bear, only five inches long, with a plump, pear-shaped body and tiny beady eyes. There was a lighter brown oval around the bit of stiching that served as a nose. I was impressed with the detail with which I could perceive it, but had no idea how was I supposed to "make friends" with it. It seemed totally inert, a harmless stuffed animal. I set it on the thick folds of the comforter piled on the bed. "Dance!" I commanded. It just sat there. "Dance!" I tried a few more times, but it remained inaminate.

I walked around to the other side of the bed, setting down the teddy bear on a dresser. I turned away for a moment, and when I looked again it had changed: now it was a sort of bell-shaped plastic structure hanging from the ceiling by a string. I couldn't tell what its purpose was, but it still appeared to be an inert object.

It occurred to me that I had been walking around and standing right next to the bed completely heedless of the space underneath. If there really were monsters under there, I'd have to watch out for my ankles! I wondered if this was the problem, that I didn't really have any lingering childhood fear of monsters under the bed. Perhaps I should try again with more intent.

I bent down and looked under the bed from this side, trying to keep the idea of monsters in mind. I still didn't see much under there: it was a light and airy space, just like in waking life, completely different from the overstuffed space under my bed at home. But I did see a scrap of cloth within arm's reach, so pulled it out. It turned out to be a little crocheted cat, only about three inches long, white with some orange spots. I guessed it must have been made by a total amateur. The body seemed floppy like it was unstuffed, and as I turned it over in my hands, I discovered that it was actually crocheted in a single flat piece with the four little legs sticking out horizontally, so only when it was folded in half along the back did it look plausibly like a cat. The head was the only piece that appeared to have been crocheted with any semblance of three-dimensionality. As I studied it closely, I saw tiny points of bright green contrasting with the dominant the white and orange: there was a little green tuft on the trip of the tail, and projecting from the head was a narrow appendange like the antenna of a cartoon alien, also topped with a green point.

However, this object also showed no sign of motion or life, so it would be hard to say I was "making friends" with it. But then my eye caught a glimpse of orange fur near my feet: my cat had appeared! I wasn't surprised that she had turned up: when thinking about the task in waking life, I had reasoned that she really was the monster under my bed. Though I adopted her when she was about five months old (the best guess of the shelter) she had been living in a feral state before that, and even after five years of comfortable indoor living she still has the edgy instincts of a street cat: she hisses at the slightest provocation, and holes up under the bed for hours whenever a stranger is in the house.

I knelt down to ruffle her long, soft fur, which felt totally life-like, but I noticed the color was off. In the dream she was calico, with big orange patches, but I remembered that she was a tabby in waking life. I wondered if she could qualify as my dream bed monster—though right now she was acting very pleasant and relaxed, and I figured it probably wouldn't count because I had already made friends with her in WL.

Yet again I peeked under the bed, and this time at last I found the perfect candidate for my experiment. I felt that it was connected somehow with the tame cat at my feet, as though all her feral qualities had separated into a different animal. This one had a tortoise-shell coat, all the same colors as a calico but in smaller, more mingled patches. Although the fur resembled that of a cat, the body suggested another animal entirely, with a narrower head and tapering snout. I was pretty sure it was a fox. Best of all, it was already hissing and snarling at me! This was the monster I had been looking for!

Now all I had to do was make friends with it. I began calling to it in the cooing, overly affectionate voice I might use with my cat. "Come here... lovely sweetie... lovely sweetie. I have treats for you my love... treats for you my love." The animal reacted as any feral creature would, holding its ground and continuing to hiss and snarl. I could see the tension locked into its body, poised for fight or flight. I reasoned that since it was a dream monster, the best approach would be to hug it, but that wasn't obviously wasn't going to be possible while it was still under the bed. I needed to draw it out first.

I reached under the bed and the animal snapped at the air and threatened to bite me. I considered drawing my hand back for a different approach but decided to let it go ahead and bite, inspired by that wonderful scene in Miyazaki's Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind where Nausicaa tames the fox-squirrel by remaining calm and patient when it bites her finger. Plus, since it was a dream I didn't have to worry about physical harm. So I kept reaching toward the animal until it bit down on the middle of my left index finger. The pain was surprisingly clear and sharp, but easily manageable. I kept thinking of that scene from Nausicaa and projecting similar expectations on this situation. I felt the animal relax enough to take a few steps closer to me, but it had not yet emerged from under the bed when the dream abruptly faded. Intriguingly, even after I had fully transitioned to wakefulness, I could still feel a distinct itch in the second joint of my left index finger where the animal had bitten me.

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I didn't try MILD tonight. Could only remember some a portion of my dreams.

Space Favor

I was in this vessel and I was in space. I remember being with someone and this person really wanted me to go back to earth and assemble something. I can't remember what this thing was but the scene changed and I was in this very old-time time similar to the Elizabethan era. I recall a carriage going down and lots of markets. I went to this place and was assembling the thing. I ran into a major problem, which wasn't my fault, and couldn't fix it. So I decided to go to further lengths by making something similar. For the record, I'm not even sure if I was assembling something, though I probably was because I remember the thing he asked me involving wheels, but I know I was doing him a favor and I couldn't finish it. I was transported back to the vessel and the guy looked pleased. I went somewhere else and my view changed to 3rd person where a man suddenly appeared in the same room as the guy and he said, "have you still not noticed it?" The guy replied with no and the mysterious man answered with, "he couldn't complete the thing he was asking you so he deliberately pushed himself to help you out!" It was something along those lines, at least. The guy was surprised and I can't remember what happens from here.

The fall of civilisation

A huge disaster killed many people and made all the governments to cease in existence. Survivors grouped together and made their own, small towns to start anew. I was a lone wanderer. I travelled a long way and stopped at a fortifications made by society of farmers.

I spent a few days there, and people were upset about me. I noticed that one of the farmers had trouble, and he was preparing his rifle. I asked him about that, and he told me that he has problems with wolves. I decided to help him, and readied my own weapon - a small, one gun made out of copper. It's magazine could hold only one bullet.

When the night time came, we moved to the fields. Wolves jumped out, and we started to shoot them. When I noticed that I used my whole ammo, I jumped straight into the group and wrestled with them. After a while we killed all of them.

The farmer asked me if everything is ok. I looked at my legs and saw blood spilling out of many deep bites. I told him that everything is right. We moved back to farmers city. It was nearing midnight. The farmer told me to wait for news from the local rulers.

I decided to not wait for him, and went away. I walked slowly, and when the morning came I spotted another city on the way. It was ruled by bandits, that weren't hostile towards me. I left my one bullet gun with guards, and went inside to see what I can find there.