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I'm tired. Like, Really really tired of what I'm doing, Staying up late at night ruining myself without rest. With that being said my title of this post is in reference to the Morphine song "The Saddest Song". And really, I do have a choice to not ruin myself here and I'll use it. I'm done - Let's not waste the rest time at night.

Dreams for tonight...


Last few:

> I was in a department store trying to escape a big fat, African-American guy (Who might have been over 350 pounds) and yet he kept up with me as I kept crawling over things and talked to me. Am I that tired?

> I was just outside the church - Sort of - And I did not go in exactly but was between the band practice room and where sermons are preached. I saw Chuck and Katie, Heard Katie and heard her laugh and when I saw Chuck go into the band practice room I was thinking if I would go in there I might just be like a fictional figure, Lyra Heartstrings the Unicorn - But in this case, The "Background Pony" One that was cursed to not be remembered by anyone.

> I think I then went into a place that was half McDonald's and half a grocery store. I saw through someone else's eyes and as I went through things to buy and eat, A man and his kids were at the counter returning something and the man was irate. Later his two sons (Who were under 12 years old) knocked me over and the father turned around and I said "They're just playing" and the father was not irate at it, And he said "See you around".

Then the dirt was about to hit the fan and be spread everywhere; I went back to the place where the entry/exit door was and it wasn't there, Another stand to buy stuff to eat was there, And there were these Star Wars Podracer things with knives attached to them which were going to come down on the floor and race all around. I went around and told people to get their feet off the floor or they'd be cut up and everyone did and only one person was hurt; My father, Who I (Whoever I was) Tried to help and keep off the floor. I at first was by a cylindrical column and a knife came up the pole and cut him! Then later whoever Father was turned into chicken and grease when I was above a grille (That wasn't a hot grille) and I said "I'm not married to people, I'm married to organs!" And then the thought was "I'm married to dirt" At the end prior to waking.

I need help, And to accept what will work.

I spent virtually the whole of yesterday on an awareness kick. I walked for nearly four hours in Essex marsh environments, communing with it's bleak natural beauty, at one with the sea-grass, the mud-flats shimmering in the Winter sun, stumps of long-demolished piers and jetties jutting like rows of rotten, broken teeth that had Pip running from the convict in Great Expectations..and did this cornucopia of nature at its rawest reflect in my dreams? Judge for yourself.

2.45 AM
Part of a rock band. We were sitting around in a rehearsal room and I had played a track that I thought was good music. They listened politely for a short while, then diplomatically moved on (I heard the word "jazz" mentioned) Someone said we needed some sort of presentation tape. ("Everyone does it") Cut to an inset of effects pedals???? The discussion continued till I woke with a slight touch of heartburn.

Rock Gods...although, in my experience, usually a gathering of egos...hey that's not a bad name for a band..."A Gathering of Egos" (although "A Slight Touch of Heartburn"' also has a good ring to it)

4.35 AM
In some sort of primary school/creche??? Sitting on the floor with the wife and another (Chinese) woman (no chairs?) discussing a kid behind us. He apparently had an bad attitude problem with managers??? (good training for later son) I looked back at him then rose to leave this (enclosed) area and remarked to a guy stood nearby that "I had to get back to work." (DS) He blathered something in DC-speak

6.30 AM
Eating seafood from the back of a large truck! Can't remember what I ate first and that’s probably a blessing (not a great lover of seafood) Then I ate some crab …rather I ate what was looked like a comedy crab my mother might have knitted when she was in her knitted cuddly-toys period. (while under the influence of some barbiturate) It had long thin brown woolly legs…one of which I broke off and presumably I was about to eat but woke up instead…surprisingly without another touch of heartburn.

8.30 AM
A (joke???) about me eating someone else’s sweets…

Right…that’s it. I can occasionally remember getting some better dreams before I started dream attempts. I’m changing things. I’m going back to my old sleep pattern 2.00 Am (ish) to 08.30 Am (ish). I’ll continue “awareness” & “going out and about” and I’ll “wake-up after every dream” The beetroot tablets are “out”…I must have eaten the equivalent of a small beetroot farm by now.

But if the dream I recall isn’t worth the candle then I’m turning over and going back to sleep. I have a reasonably large DS collection and I’ll only add to it if there’s another definite pattern. To be honest, if I was consistently aware enough, then there are 3 major dream signs that pop up virtually every night now.

It’s odd. A couple of years ago I hit a short patch of what I now realise was potential lucidity and I cannot fathom out what was the cause … although it definitely happened when I was consistently retiring after 1.30 AM and sleeping no more than 7 hours. (currently I’m touching 9½ hours) I’m not sure that Ed can cope with it…I think my two lucid events may have been a bit flukish and future ones may be rare under my current regime. But one thing’s for sure…

Ever onwards!

Last night was one of those dreaming nights you wish you could put in a can and just keep opening again and again!
Legend: not-dream, normal dream, lucid dream

Day: lots of prospective memory targets. Medium number of state checks, a few Sageous RRCs.
Before bed:
One hour of transcribing my voice journaling into written journal for a couple days.
~1 teaspoon lecithin granules, couple of glasses of apple juice
Read for about 45 minutes (helps me get to sleep faster I've found).

Bed at 01:00 Thank SC for dreams, ask for more LDs, put in request for particular themes.
wake at 05:17, no recall (may have been some earlier awakenings, I thought, hey, I didn't recall doing any journaling yet, and I was pretty sure I had some earlier light recall)
drank 1/2 cup of apple juice
then did some MILD reps based on previous night's dreams
and did some SSILD cycles for good measure.
wake at 06:17: LUCID!
Progress! A different lucid awakening moment, this time: critical faculty! I was in the middle of a (somewhat bizarre) conversation, I was asking an old friend about his hush-hush new business venture. It had to to with coaching (kids?) football. I said I had not ever coached football but that I had coached soccer (true in WL). I tried to hand him a card from my wallet, when all my cards fell to the ground. About 10-15 of them, I'm kneeling down trying to pick them up. And I can't. They just keep falling out of my hands, they just won't get arranged how I want them to be. Then I think, "Hey, this is a bizarre situation, I should check to see if I'm in a dream" and BOOM as soon as I said "dream" I became lucid. Same "sucked into the movie" feeling as the first DILD, I instantly stood up in amazement. I was *so sure* that I had been awake before, I was almost in shock to realize it was a dream. No RC again like DILD #1, as soon as the word "dream" popped into my head after and I had the notion to question my state, I was instantly lucid.

And I wasn't super-confused before being lucid, like I am sometimes in dreams, it was more like light puzzlement, the flavor of the thought was, "oh, this is one of those times when things don't work like you think they should that you're supposed to see if you're dreaming." If I can get consistent with this then my frequency will skyrocket since I have these moments all the time. I missed one earlier in the ND portion: I saw a shooting star (cool, it went all the way across the sky). Then more, and more and more shoting stars (whoa!). Then I saw colorful pinwheels of stars in the sky, I tell my friend "Look! Check that out!" Then I see a huge picture/ scene in the sky and first am filled with wonder, but quickly think, "Oh, someone must be running a projector somewhere" and my attention moves on. Doh!

Again, right away the very high/giddy excitement, I completely forgot and blew off the ND conversation and DCsI, I just turn around and walk through the crowd of people and head down the corridor, no clear goals in mind. Without willing it, I suddenly float like a balloon up to the roof of the hallway and stay there, looking down. I feel out of control. I get a grip on myself, and rub my hands together (yay!). I feel my hands rubbing and and see them briefly, feel a little heat. Right away I float down to the ground, and feel more in control. (I wish I had right then done a thorough stabilizatation / dream quality shouting, but I didn't, I guess I felt sufficiently stable.)

I start walking the hallways looking for a way out. All the people have vanished. I'm walking through a building, observing, looking for a DC to talk to. It's sort of a cluttered industrial "backstage" place, lots of random stuff around.

I decide to try summoning. I say to myself "there's a DC around that next corner." I look around the corner -- empty hallway. Darn. I turn around, walk back, and then try "there's (my prepared-in-WL special dream location) through that next doorway. Nothing. Just an old woman in the distance.

Have the idea to stabilize (woot), I decide to try "making out with the ground" as heard in a podcast here on DV. I lie down on the ground on my stomach and lick the floor. I'm only wearing underwear, and I feel the grain/grittyness of the wood floor on my stomach and arms. I lick the floor with my tongue. No taste, though. In retrospect I think it's better to "make out with the wall" since lying down can be risking a waking.

I want to get outside, to where more people are. I'm still in the very high-ceilinged storage room, the same area I've been in for a minute, I see a sign/doorway about 15-20 feet above the ground. At one point it says "exit" I think and at another it shows a big picture of a person in a swimsuit. Must be the way to the pool, I decide to go there.

I start climbing up a dresser to get to the exit/door and have a Matrix moment (as in, "do you think that's air you're breathing!?"), thinking I'm going about this the wrong way. Some things are in my way, I try to "jedi force blast" (I wasn't actually thinking "jedi force blast" I just pushed my hand forwards and willed the stuff to zoom out of my way) them out of my way, I succeed in moving a few things out of my way. Then 3 people came in to the room from the swimming pool entrance above me and I woke instantly, no fade to gray.

Thought briefly about trying DEILD to get back in but decided I wanted to journal and remember.

Subjective time: 2, maybe 3 minutes

Thanked my SC and asked for more!

07:20 MILD reps and SSILD cycles
09:37 woke from vivid ND , just what I asked SC for!
09:57 trying more MILD and SSILD
Couldn't sleep, very excited, going over dreams in my head
10:43 trying more MILD and SSILD
12:44 woke from another awesome reasonably vivid ND, many details forgotten, but still fun

Woohoo, one month to first DILD, 1 week to second DILD (with 3 days of missing the key REMs), shooting now for multiple per week! And it didn't need to wait for the late morning REMs, it came around the 5th hour.

There is a very different feel between my 2 DILDs and the recent vivid NDs: in the vivid NDs I'm totally confident and feel entirely in control, in my LDs I'm excited but my attempt at control was more "hopeful wishing" than "confident expectation." That's the next thing.

I dreamed of identifying old stuff that needed to be gotten rid of because it was broken or unneeded. There were clothes there and electronics.

I also dreamed of doing comparisons which did not produce expected result, for example because of unexpected duplicates, or differences in emotions, or someone with ill will.

Sunday: I had a dream,me and my brother were back at our old old house. We were in our room, and we remembered the old PS3, was there. So when we took it out, plugged it all in, I got excited and it stopped.. instantly. It may have been Lucid. And it was really vivid

Today I had a dream about entering this big busy building. Inside I remember there were people rushing to and fro everywhere. Everyone had their job interviews, no matter what the job, inside this one building.

I went there to meet up with the two men who took my interview (in real life), and they let me know that I was successful in my job. A third person came over, a lady who was going to show me exactly where I was going to work from that point on.

9/28/2013

Dream 1:

I was in Physics class (which I took last year). I was sitting next to a blond, Caribbean girl. I was trying to make small talk with her. I also brought my iPod to class, along with the dock. I played it in Physics class. The whole time it was there, I was afraid someone would steal it. That is all.

Dream 1(fragments):

I had somewhat different body structure and i was checking some graveyard-ish place, searching for something, there was a dragon helping me and there was undead attacking us occasionally, there was also some place with skeletal captain. Later on we found group of people led by some dude that was searching for immortality and and also was going to artificially make dragons from bones or something, we were against that so we had to fight and stop him. In the end we managed to knock him off and also there was also some girl. Then dream randomly went about discussion which method for slashing cheese into parts using claws is better.

Dream 2(fragments):

I was playing some game that looked like Terraria, but was very different, namely game started at the edge of the map and there were mazey metallic constructions with traps and puzzles through the whole map. Also it was possible to spawn underground for entirely different level.

Dream 3(fragment):

I was in some futuristic place.

I am driving on a road while talking on the phone with my mother. She sounds very upset and she keeps talking about how she is not able to find a job, how she thinks she may have to declare bankruptcy, and how my dad won't help her with her bills. I was trying to help comfort her, but as I am talking the entire road I am traveling on unravels and causes me to crash into some brush. I hung up on her because I needed to get out of the current mess I was in. I get out, the car is destroyed, and I try to make my way to find some help.

There is a lot of greenery. Everything is lush, and almost tropical, like I had been transported to India or something. I come to a backyard with a lot of junk in it. A brown pit-bull is in the yard that keeps barking at me. Thankfully the chain fence keeps him from actually attacking me. I walk around to the front and open the gate. When I do this I hear yelling and a man comes out of the house trying to chase me out. I don't know what to do so I just start running from him. I get far enough ahead and I see a shed that I quickly jump into and hide before he sees me. The dream fades out.

I'm in my bed and I realize I am really deeply tired and know I can stay in the dream awhile. I close my eyes and I'm able to do a WILD. (I am lucid, but it goes in and out a lot. I'm only semi-lucid.)

I am back in the big shed I ran into. Near the doors I see another person. It's another guy, and thankfully he is not the one that had been chasing me.

"Hey, come with me." He motions me forward.

When I reach him he kind of brushes against my chest before grabbing my hand. I get the feeling that he had more than friendly intentions - But it is gentle and completely non-threatening. I feel a comfortability around him that is rare when I meet people. He takes me out of the shed and out of that junkyard of a place and right up to another building. When we pass through it there are a lot of auctions, of people. I don't know why but people would get up on platforms and others would bid for them. I couldn't really process it because before I knew it we were leaving and on the steps of another building

I look around and it is actually a Monastery-like place. The architecture is beautiful. I see lots of people sitting on pillows around an elongated table. They all wear ceremonial robes, very eastern traditional garments that monks normally wear. There were women too so it was a co-ed spiritual place. I really enjoyed it as it felt incredibly peaceful.



The young man that brought me here looks at me, "My name is Zee. Normally outsiders are not welcome here, and I brought you against regulation. Come quickly and try not to be seen."

I follow him urgently to his room, which was incredibly small. Just a bed and a tiny set of drawers. As soon as he closes the door behind him I hear an older lady yell, "ROOM INSPECTION!!"

Shit

I look under the bed to see if I can hide there but it is standing only about 3 inches from the ground and there is no way I could fit.

"Stay there!" Zee says.

I stay and curl into a ball next to the bed. Zee dumps a bunch of sheets over me and makes it look like I am just a bundle of unfolded fabric. The dream fades out and I wake up.

(I'm back in my bed but I am really excited about this dream so I keep my eyes closed and I am able to WILD again). I am back in Zee's room but he is gone. I look out the window to check and make sure I am in the right place. Sure enough it is the same temple. I think about trying to magically make him appear but then feel that that would be "cheating" and the dream would lose it's authenticity. In the corner of the room is a young pretty blonde girl who has features similar to Zee's. It clicks in my head that she was his sister.

"It's a good thing you disappeared when you did. You weren't found out. Zee could have been in a lot of trouble you know."

"Where did he go?" I ask.

She shrugs her shoulders, "He's outside of the room somewhere. You should go look for him."

I am already wearing ceremonial robes like the others. That's a good thing because I will blend in more and it would be less likely that I was questioned outside. I walk out of the room and down the hallway. I come to a room where there is a large circle of people weaving different fabrics.

The dream ends and I wake up again. This time completely.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

I go to theatre with friends. Right at its beggining, it's interrupted by some young people with banners, urging us all to join them on the streets on a massive revolutionary protest. I look through the window, see thousands of people outside and feel inspired, but I really want to see the play and I insist to stay and join them later. Most people leaves and joins them but then the play start and I even gt to sit on the front row. The curtain rises and a weird spectacle unfolds. Two guys stabbing a girl, all very realistic and the audience is feeling upset and uncomfortable. We look at each other like saying "c'mon, it's fake, right?". While she is still bleeding out and crying for help, they pour wine over her and set her on fire. Then I realize it's probably real and we should stop it, so I jump to the stage and other people follow me. Someone calls 911, some guys manage to overthrow one of the murderers, but the other one is really monstrous and his fingers transform into long knifes and he starts chopping everybody around. It's a massacre and I run away. I found the exit doors locked. I don't know what to do.
A young girl appears out of nowhere and tells me to follow her into the attic. There's a kind of dorm up there and we hide under a bed, but when I hear footsteps on the stairs I realize staying there won't save us. So I guide her through the window and we escape through the roofs.
As we wander through the streets, I look up to the sky and realize I can see stuff I didn't see before, like augmented reality, I can see constelations poppoing out and an unknown celestial body passing through them and following a spiral orbit around some other body. I realize this is important but I don't understand its meaning. The little girl tells me to think about it later, but now we must go hide in her home. She lives, apparently alone, in a tiny, tiny anex of a small fishermen village. We have a calm night, but the next day there's a huge mess outside, like someone is going through all the houses doing searches and people are angry and afraid, running around and shouting. There's only a front door and we don't know how to get away without being noticed. Then we are saved by a mistery man who takes us to my mom's house. I dont think it's very safe either, but at least it's a 4th floor and now we have a guardian watching over us.
I feel safe for a while, the door is locked, the windows are safe... or so I thought, but in the morning I see a guy flying to my bedroom window and crossing it like it's nothing. He stops in front of me, he wears a really strange suit made of golen and silvered mesh. He has a sword. I run to get my sabre and then we fight. But every time I stab him, the sabre does not pierce his suit. He laughs and explains his suit is made of adamantium. I'm fucked. Then I have this faint vision of my guru floating in the air outside my window and kind of scolding me with his eyes, for not remembering something I should have so clear in my mind. "I know! I must trust the guru!" I am invaded by a sense of absolute peace and thrusthfulness when taking mental refuge in the guru and all of a second I'm no longer in my mom's house, I'm somewhere else.
Evangelion comes to me from somewhere and welcomes me. I look puzzled and he says he's been spending some time with my guru, who has been teaching him personally some secret spiritual language. I feel even more puzzled and a bit envious - why is he learning that secret language in this peaceful place and I've been running around from mad attackers? And as I ask the question, I know the answer. I chose it that way.

09/27/13 I am getting better at just watching LDs and letting my subconcious entertain me. In on short LD a female vampire was going to go down on me. I knew it was a dream so I figured I would just see what happened. It went kind of like you would expect.
In another LD a party was going on and I was in 3rd person, just watching. A stripper came in and it turned out everyone at the party was a vampire.
In the 3rd LD I was only going to have a couple minutes because I was using a 5 minute snooze alarm. I was in 3rd person and saw Napolian inspecting troops. I thought jumping into one of the bodies would be a good trick, but I choose aman on a bicycle instead of the military. Next i thought summoning an animal would be a good quick trick. So I picked the idea of a cat. I rode the bike and a cat was on a cart. I just rode by and scooped up the cat. It was pretty realistic having weight and texture. I did not get to examine it furture as the snooze went off.

Had another dream before I finally got up...

I was called to this weird meeting by what I assume was a very special group, kinda like top secret. There were lots of people there. We were told we had different missions and that the first one to complete the one assigned to them would be welcome to be part of this very special group.

I was of course very excited about this, so I started running. I have no idea what my mission was, but I was in what looked like a rural area. There were lots of snakes on the ground (well, not lots, I must've seen about five), and it was night. I kept yelling "SNAAAKE" whenever I saw one, cause there were two girls who were sisters behind me. They didn't hear me, though. I didn't see it happening, but I thought that they'd end up stepping on one. But maybe they were lucky, who knows?

After that, I was in a bus. I was worried, cause I had to get to Alagoas, which is a state on the northeast of Brazil... and I l live far from there. As I was thinking that I'd never be the first one to complete the mission, since I was travelling by bus, I saw a map in front of me and it showed that Alagoas was in fact the state on my left and I was actually pretty close. I even thought "wow, I really suck at Geography!", but... nope. I mean, yes, I suck at it, but my brain really was lying to me there, Aloagoas IS really far from where I live, and definitely NOT where the map showed it.

I looked outside and suddenly I was on a plane, but flying just right above the road. I almost crashed the plane on the ground a couple times, but it all turned out all right... I wasn't me, though, I was someone from another group (it seems like I was the only individual trying to get into the special group, all the others were in groups).

And that was it.

I am running through a grassy field and the rain is pounding against my face. Lightning is crackling every where. As I keep running I wonder what could've pocessed me to end up here. No jump to ludicity. The grass starts to part and I get a good look at the area. The clouds are purple and black and the ground is muddy and wet and the grasses are being beaten by the wind. Then suddenly I am pressed to the ground by a howling wind and crack of lighting. I can hardly lift my head. But as I do I see Raikou looking at me almost as if it were gracing me with it presence. The rain and wind seems to stop for a moment. Then Raikou cries out and the lighting and the rain and the wind start up five times as strong as they were. I cry out why as my dream fades to nothing.

In one of last deams the devil showed me how he poured water on his palm and it transformed into money. I tried to repeat it.
It was dark in my yard and i thought that it may be a LD. Made RC. Remember about water and money, went into the house and found an empty plastic bottle near the sink. I fill it with water and several times tried to pour it on my hand thinking about money. But nothing happened. every time i went to the house, fill the bottle and went outdoors to empty it not to wet my floor On the sixth attempt i found several small stones in my palm. I thought that it was a progress, got some more water and poured it again. I found in my palm delicious fruits and there was a mango. I tried it, it was tasty and i forgot completely about money and ate mango. Then i decided to have sex an began to loose dream control.

1. A ghostly hand touched my hip on bare skin as I was sleeping. It was so icy cold it woke me up and even when i got up and went to the bathroom I could still feel the prickly cold where the hand had been.

2. I was in a room doing an experiment with bees. There were several containers with bees in them and I was measuring the frequency of sound that the buzzing produces. According to the dream, the frequency directly correlated to food scarcity and happiness of the bee. The higher the frequency, the more content the colony was, and the more abundant their resources. Lower frequencies linked with problems.

Looking back on that I wonder how "true" this dream experiment was. I don't know where my brain came up with that but it sounds like a valid hypothesis.