All DJ Entries

12-13

Dream: In a forest with F and D. I'm laying treats along the right-side path for D to follow and go through. For some reason, it's a competition where I have to lead D through his path and then do my own path as well. Once I finish D's path with him (he isn't great at it) I go to a small dock/pavillion/gazebo where I guess I have to cross to get to my path. There are all of these fuzzy caterpillars arranged like spiders crawling over the area I have to duck under/back through to get to my path. I'm really grossed out but eventually forced to touch them and find out they're not the stinging kind (maybe F shows me?). I back through and wake up.

Dream: I'm in 9 with F's grandma (G) and little cousin (L), we're planning a party for L and I bought her a paintbrush. G is asking me to host a party or something in this room and I said fine and she said everyone else will have to pay $50 which is a great honor but I don't have to pay it. There's a big crooked cardboard pink box with a weird shape protruding from the top, which I assume is G's present for L sitting out in the open, unwrapped. L keeps asking what the logo for Walmart is, and I don't want to tell her because in the top-right corner of the box it's there, and I guess I don't want her to know her present came from walmart? Doesn't make a lot of sense because the other side says "Shipped from Walmart" in clear black Impact font letters, just upside down (maybe she can't read upside down).
Dream transition to the kitchen area and I notice a roach or two on the mantle. Then I realize they're everywhere. It was dark before but now it's morning. I try to find some shoes to kill them with and when I look down I realize there are roaches and beetles everywhere, on the floor, couch, etc. I ask my dad for his shoes as I back towards the garage door. He says I'll be fine, they can't hurt you. The smaller beetles are approaching me now, one of them the size of an adolescent turtle has a white spot where his shell by his face peeled off. There are now beetles the size of those old exercise platforms that you step on and step off from. They have two pincers and a protruding element. Each time I look away and look back, it looks more metal/mechanical. My dad is putting his foot and ankle in between the pincers and the protruding part and showing me that "they don't hurt you" but really he's just moving his ankle out of the way at the last second.

Dream: In 9 LR again at night, room is mostly empty and I'm working onn the floor with F on some christmas dioramas on construction paper platforms. I can't remember now what the first few were of, but after doing a few she's mad at me. I get up and get some wooden train tracks (the traditional kind that fit together) and a wooden train (which looks pretty beat up). Two of the four tracks are painted, one red, one blue. I offer to paint the other ones and she gets angrier. I close the drapes on the sliding glass door but she wants them open, and she opens them back up, although they part from the middle when she does it whereas in real life they all pull from one side. D is looking out the window. She's still very mad at me when I bring her some red corrugated construction paper for the last diorama.

Fragment: Hospital w/ F?
Fragment: 9 backyard? Serious w/ family?

Had a few near-WILD experiences during this period despite doing no daywork and no MILD, only did SSILD after the WBTB briefly. I did take a vitamin B12 before bed (around 10 but didn't fall asleep till 11). WBTB (where I actually got up and walked around) 5:30 till 6:30, woke for good at 7:35.

Lucid #73: I'm in a huge mall or college bookstore area, yellow light. The dream part went on for a while but at a certain point I round a corner and see F. She's wearing something low-cut and holding a book. I notice some freckles that aren't accurate and become lucid! The first thing I said, for some reason, was "this is our dream!" I don't remember why I did this, but it seemed to empower her as a DC to be happier/less distressed; maybe it was just my own perception of her informing this. In any case, we talk for a while, but because I kept diving in this lucid chain instead of writing these down in between, I don't remember now about what. Eventually I led her outside to a campus student union/cafeteria area. I picked her up in my arms and I told her I was taking her to my incubated dream world (I called it something weird which I wish I remembered now). I spun for maybe 10-20 seconds but it didn't help much except to stabilize a bit. I ended up just looking at her for a while, and she was just smiling so big. Probably the single most wholesomely gratifying LD experience so far.

Lucid #74: I'm in a small cramped room, blue light. I'm with F again, leading her by the hand. We pass through another room with clutter and junk all around and I see a medusa-like woman who's covered in snakes, all green-black. She starts to chase us but I become lucid and send her away from us, not via force push or anything, but just by will. She is moved (not pushed) back against the wall, and I will her to phase through/into the wall (I figured if I can do it, so can DCs). She does, and it looks super wobbly and cool. But now all of the sudden I can hear a heartbeat sound coming from the walls. I don't worry about it and remind myself that I'm in control. I take F upstairs and we sit on a strange chair in an 8-like living room. We talk again for a bit, more serious this time than joyous. I ask her what I should get her for christmas. She says the earrings I got her were good but I should "double down"? We talk about a few other things which I've forgotten now, and for some reason when we're talking she keeps switching sides and talking at my back; it's sort of like we're in back-to-back seats in a round booth, and I keep turning one way and she'll turn the other. The heartbeat is mostly faded but I woke anyway.

Lucid #75: This one was a DEILD. I "came to" standing over a bed in a dark attic room. There was another snakelike monster in the bed, this time smaller like a large-dog-sized roly poly I guess. Since I was instantly lucid I had no fear and came at the thing face first to watch it shrink away. It shrunk in size and kept backing up and I put my hand on it and transformed it into D, but a smaller version. Then I told D to follow me (he was grey in this version since he originated as a snake monster). I was trying to find F but couldn't. Something happened for a while in this one but I lost it.

Lucid #76: This one started as a DEILD but I guess I lost lucidity during the transition and it became a dream where I was being informed by detectives that my teenage daughter was murdered. They took me to the spot where she was murdered (the outside of my apartment where I walk my dog) and I became lucid. I forgot all about the plot and was just energized by the actions of my previous dreams where I talked to F, especially when I asked about the Christmas present -- it was just really exciting that I spontaneously did something like that. This is important for two reasons I can think of: I woke with an enormous sense of elation/gratitude, and also I remembered not only WL memories within this dream, but also dream memories from a previous dream! Anyway because of all of this I started running victoriously towards these humongous trees (they were more like tree-bark vines reaching up maybe 20 stories, like a skyscraper). I was so happy that when I felt the moisture on some of the leaves I thought of rain, and it started raining! It felt so real, it was amazing. At first I was lifting myself with my arms only, but then I thought about it and started using my legs too. I looked down and up at the huge expanse of the trees and the rain and it was just an exhilarating experience.

Lucid #77: Semi-DEILD. It wasn't instant but I did definitely "slip back" in a way. I tried to materialize something and eventually I got up very sloppily (my control was off due to awareness of WL body in a weird position). I walked to the bathroom and it reminded me of the opening scene of the 6th or 7th HP book with Harry's vision of Nagini biting the man in the room. There were two guys with country accents talking here. Woke up.

Lucid fragments: heard music at one point; felt grief? maybe there was at one point an older man giving me advice; possibly during #75 I turned a small square section of either a being (snake being) or a piece of wood (bedpost?) into a flashlight.

3x1 + 2x.5 +
10 (first LD) + 5 (DILD) + 2 (WBTB) + 4x5 (other LDs) +
15 (personal goal*)
= +56 => 99.5

Running total: 99.5

* Change the weather to make it rain while already lucid

I just arrived to Iceland airport. On the global map, I feel like I'm between Europe and Greenland.

I have a bit of time before my plane leaves, so I ask around, how to get outside. I have seen some beautiful nature pictures on some brochures and I want to see that. I see people walking with luggage, so I follow them, while keep asking about getting outside. Suddenly we are out, when it turns out that the path to another airport gate leads through outdoors. I say "see, exactly like this outside". As I look around at fresh show on the ground. Everything is white and beautiful, as we walk on a path in show, with trees lining the pathway. It's sunny and beautiful.

I come to a wooden path over a small brook forming a small lake. I look at it and I'm overcome with joy. So incredibly happy, that I see beautiful nature just like in the brochure. Almost as happy as when I realize in a dream that I'm dreaming or flying.

Somewhere there I also find a gift shop.

Created Wednesday 12 December 2018

Mostly fragments and a brief DILD today.

Scrap Group 1
Watching an episode of the Simspons. The title family were watching a baseball game from the nosebleed aisle.Homer fails to catch a foul ball, and loses his phone for his trouble. Also, Maggie was about to fall off the side. Seems there were no safety railings.

With a group of college age kids. Not sure what they spoke of, only that it was of things that would greatly alter my perception of the world if true. I asked they explain it to me. But, they only skimmed a bit on it, and rebuffed me for not understanding such. Bastards. Using powers I just realized I had, I got revenge on them with a fiery explosion. Got aware. I opted to just blow the whole place up. The dream immediately collapsed.

At a mall's paring lot with mom and my brothers, Trevor and Dug. Me and Trev watch a particularly gross episode of Teen Titans Go. Highlights include Starfire getting her brain painfully squeezed out of her skull. We then talk of Guilty Gear. Later, mom tells Dug to get something from a store. Before he had time to return, mom drove off. She failed to hear our warnings, until she was alread miles through a highway.

Some media of a super powered guy/girl duo.

In a hospital, supposedly to visit a friend working there. She's doing tasks on a dated CRT-screen computer. I noticed some files were actually my own. I try deleting them later on, but couldn't find them. A passing janitor then gives advice on how to navigate without a mouse in Windows.

Note: This one was quite violent. This is out of the norm for me, but seeing as there is some unusually intense drama playing out in my life right now (a major disagreement with my partner), I guess this is sort of a reflection or a catharsis. Still, it was unsettling.

Dream: In the far backcountry with a few other people. At least three others. I don't know who these people are. Myself and one other are antagonists in this plot, although my participation in the events that unfold is limited and hesitant.
We are in what might be part of a state or national park. There is a large clearing of about 6-8 acres. Most of it is flat, but on one end, it slopes up and rises about 20 feet, has a sharper incline that rises another 3 feet, and then it levels again, and the upper 1/2 acre is level and it contains the road access. Myself and the others drive into this lot and park in a light, military-grade 4x4. We bring the others out of the truck and push them towards and down the hill. They are fearful. The other antagonist is immersed in haranguing and intimidating them. At some point during this escalation I begin to distance myself and hide behind the steeper incline at the top of the hill. I watched as he lobbed explosive spray cans and they landed on the victims, who burned and died.

This morning (IWL) my partner was getting ready for work and I really wanted to speak to him or hug him or something, but instead I had fallen asleep and had several consecutive false awakenings that involved me laying in bed and chit-chatting with him in a neutral way.

Fragment: a campus. Rainstorm. Seeing a friend through a window. Trying to get some documents printed. In the library, somebody is trying to come on to me and they don't listen or stop despite my dissent.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

At some place with amazing beaches. Maybe on holidays. Choosing some pillows to sit meditating.

Pass by the restaurant of the place I'm staying, they are renovating decorations. It's a retro place, with an art deco touch and showered in a golden light. I talk with a guy changing lamps. Then I see a shop at the end of the street that is closed for good and I think about using it for a business of my own.

Some film festival happening in the resort and they will play Okja which they are presenting as a Japanese movie and I correct them by saying it is Korean.

At a football stadium in Dubai, a Portuguese team is playing with a local one.
A girl on my side calls a friend on skype and when he answers he is not wearing pants. She quickly hides the image as it would be considered indecent by other spectators around.

I got lucid twice tonight. I have been a bit stressed out all day, so I honestly thought I would just pass out when I went to bed. But on the contrary, I hit the lucid jackpot twice tonight. Again it was DILDs coming in clutch. You know I find them a bit like rolling the dice (up to chance if you catch onto the dream or not). Buuuuuttttt they seem more and more reliable lol. Well, both times I got lucid, it was by RCing in a dream bed. The first dream I was about to go to bed in a camp area, and the second dream I was about to go to bed in a hotel.
I honestly forgot 90% of the first lucid dream, since I went straight back to sleep after it lol.... But the second lucid dream was vivid as fuck, and a couple of minutes long. The coolest thing was, that in the second lucid dream, I hit my head on a wall, real hard. And I expected to wake up, but I didn't. Then I thought to myself that the pain I felt, felt like it would in waking life. Interesting. The content of the dreams don't matter...
But on a side note, whenever I ask dream characters for help, they seem to help me out lol. I like that hehe.

Well.... Dilds saving the day(night) again 🤣

Created Tuesday 11 December 2018

Many fragments and two DILDs today.

Spoiler for Well that was more than it looked at first glance:

Scrap Group 1
Vaguely recalled something about the Flintstones. Think these included kid-unfriendly joke.

In a pebble-filled garden at night. Unknown Columbian people were having a party. Got aware. I shrunk myself to about an inch in height. My perspective seemed a bit too wide, so I flattened my head. But now, I could only see up to a distance of about few (regular-sized) meters. A woman walked by. I tried getting her attention, but she didn't see me. Cut. Non-lucid. My family were having a party at home. I remembered what occurred previously, and "daydreamed" about it. An aunt interrupted me. She asked my help to get something for her.

Wandering around urban area. An uncle was there. He was giving advice, including things that I did not want to admit to.

Playing D&D - Tower of Doom as the Cleric. There were several new stages. Later, I discovered a grab attack. I showed my bro, who didn't believe me at first. It took a few minutes before I pulled it off again. We both agreed this changes game dramatically.

Watching a trailer for a traditionally animated. Mother Earth, a fat, amazingly tall woman with red hair and wearing a tunic, has been revived. She was supposedly thin in the prequel. Somehow, she accidentally swallowed a talking duck bath toy. In fact, there were plenty of eating jokes at her expense. Cut to a manor house in Egypt. Queen Victoria, guarded by an anachronistic late-Medieval knight, was meeting with councilors. They spoke of Gaia's revival, and, more pertinently, how she was a threat to the British Empire.

In a party within an apartment building. Close and extended family members were there. Something extremely humiliating occurs. I react... extremely. Rather forget about this one.

In a public restroom. My nephew was there with some of his friends. Noticed my nephew was a bit tubby. Reckoned its cause he hasn't been eating at his home as of lately. I told him he was going on a diet.

In a large bathroom. I spotted Peridot from Steven Universe in the tub. She rambles on about humanity's folly. I shrugged, and told her "Who cares?"

False Awakening in an unknown bedroom. A ghost woman was haunting me, her skin glowing a sickly white, eyes sunken and without irides, and long, dark hair disheveled. She repeatedly pried my covers from my face, stared at me, then covered me again. My visuals were at times projected from me in several angles over her. Anyway, I was initially frightened,then got curiosity once I noticed she was harmless.

My sister snoops at some notes I'd unwittingly left on my phone, all LD related. She laughs at my embarrassment. I get outraged.

Dream 1 - Wacky Wavy Arms Awareness

Scene 1 - Jeff Bridges in The Adventures Sonic the Hedgehog
The visuals were a bit blurred. Spectator mode. This started as an Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog episode. The title character and his pal Tails had unwittingly instigated a tall, savage echidna girl. As Sonic tried talking his way out, he and Tails were captured by the girl's tribe of amazons. Many manner of beasts composed this tribe, even a T-Rex.

Then, some live-action characters in heavy motor vehicles entered the scene, a Mad Max-esque gang. Notably, well known actors from the 90's, including Jeff Bridges, were in this group. Anyway, the gang's leader (Bridges) had previously agreed to marry the Amazon leader (much to his own distaste) if they'd captured Sonic. The Amazons, for their part, were beginning to regret this arrangement.

I materialize on a the top bunk of a bunkbed in a darkened bedroom. The above scene was being displayed on a small CRT screen several meters away. I began rambling out my thoughts nonstop. This greatly annoyed a little girl seated on the floor below me, who just wanted to watch the show in peace. Annoyed myself, I slammed my hand down at her and (through powers I just realized I had) struck her with a bolt of lightning. She went unconscious. I assumed we regularly fought each other in such a manner.

Afterwards, I flew around for a bit. To keep afloat, I had to both remain seated, and flail my hands around in a wave-like motion.

Things darkened. Brief trip to the void. Transition.

Scene 2 - Wacky Wavy Arms Flight
Similar visuals to above. I was floating in a park by a maple wetlands, cloudy twilight sky above. Cool, gentle winds dispersed fog from nearby ponds. Despite the algae, the surrounding waters looked surprisingly clean.

I was flying around in the manner noted above. Soon, I became aware, if only because of how silly this looked. Things destabilized briefly, though I brought everything back by force of will.Sweeping through the area, I spotted a yellow-furred dog yelping under a tree. Zap! I struck it with lightning. This time, the target was completely vaporized. I repeated the same on empty field. A scorch mark was left at the point of impact. After that, I flew over a pond. I shot an icicle towards there, and watched as a portion of water froze.

Just recalled I need to breath an element to score points. I shouted 'Yol Toor Shul!', but nothing seemed to happen. Noticed a girl walking by, staring at me as if I were crazy. So, I shouted 'Fuus Ro Da!'. It worked. A sudden blast of wind tossed the girl out a hundred yards.

The dream collapsed immediately after.

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation – wake/dream visuals/visions

2018-12-11 Biblical surgery and alien eviction leads through death to a search for stronger communication with my stomach, realised through talking to a white horse/camel.

This entry will be written in Danish as I intend to use it in therapy.

Drømmen starter med at jeg ser et opslag på Facebook. Dette er et som Casper Møller har delt og er et billede og en tekst af 1:1 revelations (kan ikke huske navnet) med en mand der ligger på en mellemting mellem en sarkofag og et operationsbord. Det har en meget stærkt tema om Lucifer, hans fald og periodiske genopstandelse før Jesus vender tilbage. Billedet er også en video og jeg klikker på den og en stemme går i gang med at læse teksten op.

Mens teksten læses op suges jeg ind I scenariet. Jeg bliver til en dæmonisk skikkelse, der ligner en klassisk grå alien fra diverse film. Det er mig der opererer på manden der ligger på bordet. Der er en forholdsvis ondskabsfuld stemning, som dog skifter I løbet af forløbet. På en eller anden måde stopper den her alien/jeg op og får ændret situationen og gennemfører ikke operationen. Faktisk kommer en anden alien ind I billedet og ser ud til at glæde sig til at deltage, men den første begynder at slå sig selv I stykker og på grund af et eller andet han har lavet på operationsbordet betyder det at den nye tilkommer også begynder at gå I stykker.

Dette får dem begge til at flygte. De flygter ud af lange og smukke gange, der er rødlige og har et royalt udseende, og mens de flygter ses der billeder af maget muskuløse mænd og kentauere der bliver vækket – på en eller anden måde med fornyet gejst på grund af rumvæsnernes flugt – og jager rumvæsnerne ud.

Scenariet skifter hurtigt til at se paladset udenfor. Det virker til at finde sted på en anden planet, men det er lyst og det ser meget æstetisk og majestætisk ud. Ud fra det sted hvor den lange gang ville være kommer nu et gylden sfærisk fartøj, som er rumvæsnernes. Det beskyder byen under det med nogle gyldne laser stråler, men besvares så rigeligt af byens blå laser stråler og forsvinder til sidst.

Der skippes.

Jeg ligger udenfor ved en svømmepøl, jeg ved blot at jeg ligger og der er en fornemmelse af at ting “stopper”. Dette finder sted et par gange. Vejret er grålig og det virker til at det trækker op til regn, selvom det har en sydlandsk feriestemning over sig. Der sidder fire mennesker foran mig, hvor en af dem er min mor. Muligvis min kusine, min far og en fjerde ubekendt. Min mor fortæller.

“Nåh, han er i gang med hans døds-process” og insinuerer at det bare skal have lov til at fortsætte.

Jeg er meget forvirret hver gang jeg vågner og det er svært helt at beskrive hvad der sker. Min bevidsthed fortætter ligesom og jeg føler mig stadig som mig selv, men det er som om der er noget der stopper og som om at det hele stivner til og jeg falder ind I mig selv.

Da det er ved at være overstået vender min mor sig imod mig og krammer mig, på en kvælende og klam måde, som gør at jeg bliver nødt til at skubbe hende væk. Hun spørger mig: “Du gennemgik din døds-process, det var meget spændende, hvor mange gange døde du?” hvortil jeg svarer “Det ved jeg ikke helt, måske 3-5”.

Da jeg svarer dette er vi nu indenfor I et hotel, med et meget ru gulv med små sten der har en gummiagtig karakter at gå på. Det hele er meget blåligt og jeg siger. “Jeg ved ikke helt hvor jeg er, det er enormt forvirrende det hele, det eneste jeg kan se er at jeg er I et blåt hotel, jeg aner ikke hvorfor eller hvor lang tid vi har været her.” Jeg kan ikke huske om min mor rent faktisk spørger mig om jeg kan huske mit værelsesnummer, men jeg siger I hvert fald “jeg bor på værelse 422”, hvortil min søster og mor griner en smule og en af dem siger: “Nej du bor på værelse 527”.

Jeg føler mig ikke stødt over deres latter, men finder en trappe jeg kan gå op af der kan tage mig til mit værelse. Den første trappe går ikke højt nok op, mens den anden faktisk går højt nok op og også indikerer at mit værelse ligger lige rundt om hjørnet. Problemet er blot at der er en glasplade der fungerer som et bord lige overfor trappen I hjørnet der blokkerer, eller I det mindste gør det enormt besværligt og måske endda lidt farligt, min vej. Endvidere når jeg kigger hen til venstre I retningen af mit værelse kan jeg se at vejen er spæret af en glasdør og bagved dem står der nogle lamper der indikerer at den vej er brugt som et hyggehjørne og vil gøre det hele endnu mere besværligt. Så jeg vælger i stedet at gå ned igen.

Jeg går udenfor og har min madras med som jeg normalt sover på. Den skal børstes af og det går op for mig at der er nogle eller en person(er) der ofte går over den og efterlader en masse sand på den, så den skal rystes. Jeg kan også mærke en smule irritation omkring det, men ved ikke helt hvem det er.

Herefter skifter scenen til at jeg nu ligger på min madras på mit værelse I hovedgård, som det ser ud. Kaiseren – eller I hvert fald en mørk skikkelse med hans energi – kommer ind og giver mig en dåse danskvand. Jeg åbner den og begynder ivrigt at drikke da jeg er super tørstig. Kaiseren siger “Pas på med at drikke for meget, det kan være giftigt”. Jeg drikker – lidt trodsigt – halvdelen af dåsen hurtigt, og sætter den fra mig og siger “Det gør ikke noget det gør ikke noget for mig det her” og kan mærke at jeg stadig er ekstremt tørstig og tør om munden.

Jeg hopper ud af sengen og går ud af en dør og befinder mig nu I en baggård. Der er en have-lignende stemning, det er lidt mørkt og der står en palme I midten af græsset. En ældre kvinde med kort krøllet gråt hår og store runde briller – mens jeg skriver dette kommer en tredje association ind – som minder om min Moster og Kirsten, min terapeut, men også en klient jeg har – Lotte.

Hun siger “Dennis du bliver nødt til at forbinde dig med din mave, den kan nok være lidt svær at komme I kontakt med fordi du putter så meget lort I den.” Jeg svarer: “Jamen det lyder mega fedt, jeg vil vildt gerne I mere kontakt med min mave” og tænker straks på de nylige spændinger, smerter og ukendte emotionelle påvirkninger jeg har oplevet.

Jeg begynder at blive lucid her da jeg begynder at kalde “Mave! Mave!” hvor den kvindelige figur stopper op og siger: “Du skal følge vinden, hvis du vil finde hvad du søger”. Hun får implicit fortalt at jeg blot skal finde den retning hvor der er direkte modvind hvis jeg vil etablere kontakt til min mave igen.

Jeg er vildt begejstret for dette trick og kan mærke at jeg kan bruge det I fremtidige drømme også. Jeg drejer mig rundt – imod uret – og finder ud af at der hvor vinden blæser mig lige I fjæset er der en lille sti imellem to bygninger der leder ud til vejen. Jeg begynder at gå derhen og ser en strandpromenade, som minder om den jeg har været på så mange gange I Thailand, og mens jeg går råber jeg “Mave!” gentagen.

Jeg ser en Raptor gå forbi udenfor og bliver en smule skeptisk. Jeg snupper en kort pause og fortsætter så. Nu kommer jeg ud og kan se ned på vejen – jer er pludselig I et hotelværelse – og der går en masse spændende mennesker, dyr og andre objekter jeg kunne interagere med dernede.

Jeg råber igen “Mave!” og ser til venstre, hvor der går en T-Rex, som jeg jo har historie med, og træder et skridt tilbage. Jeg står nu I et relativt lille og mørkt hotelværelse, foran vinduet der er firkantet og med klart sol lys skinnende igennem. Jeg beslutter mig for at hvis det er T-Rexen jeg skal snakke med for at komme I kontakt med min mave, så må det være sådan det er u-anset hvor bange jeg måtte være for det.

Så jeg træder ud på taget og ser pludselig at der er længere ned end jeg havde regnet med. Jeg bliver lidt bange for bare at hoppe ud I det, så sætter mig ned I lotus stilling indtil jeg begynder at svæve ned. Jeg kan mærke på vej derned at der er lidt meget fart på, det er nok til at hjertet lige slår et ekstra slag uden jeg er bange for at slå mig. Dog fornemmer jeg at jeg har mistet overblikket så meget at den vej jeg gerne ville ned på med de mange dyr og mennesker ikke vil være der, fordi jeg har mistet mit fokus. Jeg tænker dog også at det ikke vil gøre noget.

Da jeg endelig lander ser jeg at den vej jeg var på er væk. Den jeg står på er mindre befærdet og det er pludselig blevet nat, men det er faktisk stadig den samme strandpromenade. Jeg tænker at de nok skal gå og råber igen “Mave!” og spinner mellem 270 og 360 grader rundt om mig selv imod urets retning.

Her ser jeg en stor hvid hingst komme løbende og mens jeg råber “Mave!” begynder den at ride hen imod mig. Jeg spørger den om den er min mave og I det jeg gør det bliver den til en hvid kamel, med tre pukler, hvor den forreste af de 3 er delt I 2, selvom det ser sundt og raskt ud, som om den egentlig blot bærer en genetisk mutation der giver den denne tredje to-delte pukkel.

Den svarer at den er min mave og jeg knæler for den, hvilket den svarer med at lægge dens venstre hov på mit tredje øje. Derefter skifter den til at blive en venlig og varm 44-årig mand, med kort gråt hår. Jeg spørger “Hvad skal jeg gøre for at komme I bedre kontakt med dig” og han svarer “Din mormor kom til at trykke en lille knogle I stykker hernede (inde I højre hofteskål, hvor psoas løber) da du var 3 år gammel, det var ikke med vilje, men det kan man også se på billeder.” Der er en implicit besked der handler om at denne skade/traume ikke har været kendt og at noget kropsterapi kan have forværret det, men også at der ligger noget derfra der stadig rumsterer. Jeg svarer “Ah, jamen jeg har jo også fået scannet indersiden af mine hofter, så der vil man kunne se det?” han svarer “Jaaa, jooo.” med en tudelig intonering om at det ikke er helt rigtigt, men at det heller ikke er helt ved siden af.

Drømmen Ender og jeg vågner med en meget rolig, afslappet og rar fornemmelse I kroppen. Det var tidligt, men jeg stod op og fik mediteret med min mave som fokus, fik lavet yoga, danset og TRE og fik mig noget morgenmad og følte mig godt tilpas.

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation – wake/dream visuals/visions

2018-12-08 The following is a description of a very powerful visionary experience during holotropic breath-work.

One sentence title: Travelling as pure child of light from the centre of creation, the beginning of time, over North American bull riding shaman to see what we are saving, culminating in seeing myself as Lucifer, then taking his place so he can go to heaven, falling to earth discarding demonic baggage.

The entry will be written in Danish as I intend to explore it further in therapy.

Jeg starter med at lægge mig godt til rette, jeg ser frem til den her session og er ikke bange, men mærker at jeg næsten bliver høj, måske på grund af den lidt intense dans jeg har givet mig I kast med forinden.

Det første der sker er visuelt. Jeg ser en række tørrede sår hen over min skallede isse, som jeg piller I en smule og som opstår simultant med en række bekymringer omkring Mai, hvilket efterfølges af en række tanker omkring den energi jeg bruger på at bekymre mig hende og hendes foretagener (jeg kan ikke huske om jeg her tænker på at flytte eller om jeg beslutter dette I løbet af den næste dags ceremoni hvor jeg ligger alene I køkkenet).

Det næste element er at jeg oplever – uden at det bliver visuelt – at jeg ligesom bliver løftet op og at himlens porte bliver åbnet for mig, uden at der dog kommer noget ud eller jeg kommer ind el.

Det næste er en længerevarende oplevelse af at se og mærke mig selv som et sammenfoldet barn lavet af lys, som rejser igennem et stjerneløst mørke, hvor lys og mørke er ligeligt fordelt og overlappende, som I både altopslugende og totalt gennemtrængende oven I, men også ved siden af hinanden.
Denne rejse ændrer karakter en smule til at den starter fra galaksens centrum, som også er punktet for begyndelsen af tid og jeg ridder på den forreste bølge af stjerner mod Jorden. Her kommer jeg forbi et vista af en slette I nordamaerika og jeg får fornemmelsen af en bison okse, der muligvis riddes af en shaman. Der er en klar besked om at det er det her livet handler om og at det er det vi forsøger at redde. Samtidig oplever jeg en enorm fornemmelse af at jeg er kommet hertil langvejsfra for at rydde op I min families historik.

Her begynder jeg at ryste ret så kraftigt, samtidig med at jeg skriger og græder et klage-skrig jeg ikke har hørt før. Jeg ser et billede af planeten samtidig og oplever at vi deler smerten og at oprydningen handler om det.

Jeg bruger en del tid på at græde snot og skrige på den måde. I løbet af denne meget emotionelle og kropslige process mærker jeg virkelig også min krop ryste og blive varm.

Da jeg på et tidspunkt sætter mig op, eller rettere forceret ved at en guide blidt har lagt en hånd på mit bryst der har skabt en voldsom reaktion, opdager jeg at lænet fårover har jeg enten fået mine vinger klippet af eller de bliver klippet af mens jeg sidder der. Herefter oplever jeg at jeg kan gro nye vinger, men disse enten af phønix eller fugle karakter og sprede dem ud over rummet.

Det sidste, men måske mest intense scenarie er at jeg igen ser det gyldne barn siddende foran mig, men denne gang med sorte vinger. Jeg ved at det er mig selv jeg ser på, jeg ved det er djævlen. Jeg trækker mig en smule tilbage, men tænker jeg skal nok se på det så beder en bøn til Michael og Jesus om beskyttelse og lader visionen udfolde sig. Jeg bliver til Lucifer, men samtidig sker der det at jeg igen ser himlens porte åbne sig foran mig og jeg ser hvordan Lucifer bliver lukket ind, mens jeg falder bagover med sorte vinger på ryggen – jeg har taget hans plads. Da jeg rammer jorden er det som om vingerne eller noget dæmonisk fortsætter med at falde. Nu ser jeg mig igen som det gyldne barn og at jeg hvis jeg fokuserer 100% ind I kroppen ikke blot har hele jorden og kosmos som legeplads, men flere forskellige dimmensioner også.

Her stopper vissionen.

12-11

Dream: Old-school hand drawn room (reminded me of Angel's Egg for some reason) which I was placed in, covered in spiderwebs, with a large door and a square section cut out of the floor which would rotate and change, but for now looked like the rest of the room. This part of it was like the first dungeon in Minish Cap. I go through the door and there's a beautiful garden terrace where a woman in her early thirties, dressed in a green dress and covered in plant outfitting, wants to be my wife. I take her hand and walk her around the terrace, then return through the door to the spider room and discuss the prospect of marrying the spider queen. I wake up before deciding.

Dream: At a large house with daylight pouring in, I've spent the summer there and am showing someone how to use a lathe to make a particular shape in a piece of wood. Transition and a young Jodie Foster (younger than Silence of the Lambs) is now there in my stead. The owner, who is older and a bit menacing, is walking her around. The owner suddenly changes into James McAvoy from the movie Split. He's subtly (or not so subtly) suggesting that he can get away with anything here and Jodie (who is with the FBI?) says that the FBI can stop "everyone". Suddenly this is all a film and Stanley Kubrik is directing, and he's not happy with the shot. I'm now possessing Jodie, and we're walking back through the house (toward the lathe area). A few doors open on their own, and one chair pulls back from a table and rotates to face us. It's sufficiently scary. In a small fragment/FA later, I have missed calls from Kubrik.

Lucid #72: I do WBTB and try a Choline 350mg capsule. After a bit of MILDing, I decide to SSILD and go to
bed as I usually would. I MILD one last time with "I will recognize the dream state. In my next dream, I will
look at my hands and realize I'm dreaming". I fall asleep and wake briefly and have a few cycles of this, where I catch myself right on the edge. Finally I'm aware enough to ride that and I feel the tunnel vision/pull of the WILD! I'm lying on my side and my whole body is pretty numb, and for some reason I'm worried about moving my waking body since the dream doesn't feel like it's "materialized" enough. So instead of moving my dream body, I sort of will myself backwards and start spinning, and I'm in! I fall/float/fly towards the backboard and can finally start moving my arms, although they're stiff. It's incredibly dark in the room so I have a hard time stabilizing, especially since my tactile and auditory senses are also not very well engaged. I do a finger-palm RC but my coordination is off and it takes a few tries to get my hands in the right position; I finally do it and it works but only helps a little. I decide that I have to get out of the room if I'm going to stabilize and keep this going (since I have spotty luck with lights) so I head to the curtains and try to phase through them, thinking of the incubated dream scene I expect to be on the other side. I think of how it will smell, sound, and look. I feel like I'm going to make it, but somehow I get wrapped up in the curtains and am unable to phase through them (why didn't I just push them aside? ;_ and I wake up. I try to DEILD but don't have much luck latching on to the images; it feels like in all of my DEILD attempts lately, the images are weaker and are sort of spinning away from me. I imagine the feeling/texture of surfaces I see, and imagine my dream arm reaching out and touching them, but it just doesn't work like it has in the past. In any case, the exit on this WILD was probably my most exhilarating yet, even though I didn't get to do much with the lucid.

Dream: I'm with F and my dog (D) at a huge house (our current lodging -- apartment, hotel, vacation home, idk). It's dark and we're walking through it, checking out the rooms and talking. D is by the door so I crouch down and look out the window panes on the door. The stars are beautiful, and then I notice that someone is on our porch in one of our lounge chairs, an older man in a white robe. He's putting down a beer when I notice more people in the neighbor's yard. Then, to the left of me in the kitchen/dining room picture window, I notice three pickup trucks parked in a driveway that I didn't know existed, taking up way too many spots! Three guys are walking into our house carrying baskets and cases full of beer.

Fragment: There's a middle-aged woman in a grey robe or dress who's posing on the carpet as if for a photo shoot, saying suggestive things.

Lost a dream here.

Fragment: F is mad at me for some reason? Long and drawn out dream but it's lost now.

One thing I noticed tonight -- almost everytime I woke, I did an immediate (mental) RC, which is progress! Also my nonlucids were incredibly vivid and interesting, which is another goal I have.

3x1 + 2x.5 + 10(LD) + 5(WILD) + 2 (WBTB) + 2 (RC) = +23 => 38.5

Dreams have been vivid

Fragment: Wine Ocean, name brand for powdered wine.
Fragment: an isolated building on a scenic hillside. Maybe in the style of Romanesque revival. Included a large staircase up to the entrance which is covered with a two-story-tall veranda and classical columns. I watched as a man in an electric wheelchair pressed a button and the staircase transformed into a somewhat steep slope, and his wheelchair angled itself appropriately and climbed it no problem.
Fragment: watching Panda Bear (my favorite musician) perform a new set. Highly percussive, in fact he had hired quite a few people to play a percussive arrangement. He played guitar, which is unusual for him. He wore prosthetic makeup and green paint on his face, making him look something like an alien or a monster.
Fragment: riding in a car as a passenger through a scenic countryside. Checking email.
Fragment: May have taken place in the same fictional school as previous dreams. Gym class. Tennis balls. Two adjacent gymnasiums. Class transformed into a demo about making a sliding paper cutter. I was irritated because I wanted to play sports.
Fragment: Fictional hometown. Hiking.

Dream: In the style of a video game. Maybe a bit like Assassin's Creed in that my "character" is highly mobile on foot. A huge bear is chasing me and no weapons are really helping ward off or kill him. I pass through a series of rooms in quick succession. I come out in the side of a cliff and a campus sits below about 50 feet. I make my way, airborne, towards the campus and find a large spherical arcane weapon with an oculus. It is big enough for me to sit inside. It fires an electric beam wherever you point the oculus. I see the bear running a covered walkway lined with columns leading from the side of the cliff. This weapon is effective to kill the bear. It is ineffective on any humans.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

I see movement on my kitchen terrace through the glass door. One female dog decided to make a home there with her three pups and they are gorgeous, look like Akitas, just like my Hachi.

I encounter a lost love from school at some big event. He is Nighthawk, but at the same time he isn't. I don't want to be pushy, but I feel like I don't want to get away from him ever again. Luckily he seems to feel the same, because he finds all sorts of excuses to sit by my side when everybody heads to the tables to eat some meal. He even makes someone get a stool and sit on it, so we can sit side by side. And because there is no space, we have to get really really cozy.
We end up sleeping together. I just remember waking up naked in a bed by his side and him saying I should go check a rash I have on my butt and I feel embarassed.
Well, I didn't know but he had become someone rich and powerful and the next day my mom calls me because she read in one of those gossip magazines about celebrities, that he had been spotted on the event very intimate with me and he was asked about it and he said I was someone he would like to keep by his side for the rest of his life.
My mom was already asking if he had asked me to marry him and if I was rich now. I was overwhelmed by all that and I told her certainly I wasn't rich or I'd have noticed. But feeling confused about what exactly had happened between us.[/COLOR]

12-9

Two dreams I can't even read now.

Dream #1: In 9 living room, vivid explicit scene with F (very emotional).

Another unreadable; maybe I need to go back to writing on my phone.

Dream #2: In grandparent's house, it's a very different version of the house, but for some reason I think it's accurate. It's much bigger and with many more small alcoves and nooks and crannies. There is a specific microwave & toaster oven that convinces me that it's their house. I felt like as I was walking through it I was exercising non/semi-lucid dream control, which is strange; I definitely wasn't lucid, but I was able to change things at will. This is a trend I've been noticing quite a lot. It also reminded me of a house I'd been to in a dream before (specifically a dream set there where I climbed a gigantic tree in the backyard). Eventually I walk out onto the carport and then turn around, and my late grandma is there. She's bald, so I fashion her a wig shaped like her old haircut. I think we spoke and maybe walked somewhere together. It was comforting to see her.

Another unreadable.

Fragment #1: Outside of a hotel or convention center with highschool friend S. We're taking turns drawing guns. I draw some fusion of an M60 and an AR. I think it became real and I started shooting it around for fun. Then we went inside and it reminded me of my fellowship hall from my childhood church.

Dream #3: There was a long dream before what I start to remember, but I'm in a squarish or octoganal room with a coworker A and a couple of other "attendees"; it felt like we were in either a youth retreat or a reality show like Big Brother -- we were all in a house together for some reason. He was showing me how to do a certain lift (a special kind of squat) and he was in some weird rack that went around all four sides. He unstrapped some supports and rotated 90 degrees as if that was important. There were two or three other people in the room, one looked like a hipsterish girl (yellow shirt, black pants, grey hair? maybe). Quote in my DJ: "Stood in on the [spare] / Can't you see?".

Dream #4: I work at a local taco restaurant serving snowballs. It's nighttime and the restaurant/food truck is open to the air. Someone asks for a stuffed snowcone and I refuse indignantly, serving them a "regular" instead (it's all ice cream). I look out the back window and see some signs that remind me of New Orleans, on which the text doesn't change. I think this is odd, because after all the text should change since I'm in a dream. Somehow I did not get lucid from this thought. Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week.

4x1 + 1x.5 = +4.5 => 13.5

12-10

Sleep schedule is still not back to normal.

Dream #1: Long, vivid nonlucid taking place in a stronghold(?). First scene: with F in the middle of the night on a long, high lookout bridge kind of area. I'm shining a flashlight (or lantern?) over the metal railing and it's brighter in certain parts of the metal; I tell her that this is because there's a higher spirit presence/concentration in the brighter areas. The flashlight illuminates the bars but nothing beyond them, until I think that thought, and pass it over a terrifying withered old woman/hagraven fusion! I try to take the flashlight away but just the image of her is pulling F into some kind of black hole? When F is pulled in I point the flashlight back in full force so that I can go after her; I'm sucked in too, but I think a bit too late.

I'm transported instead into a large open body of water with my comrades at the fortress. There is a raised shore area scattered with leaf litter, but the floor of the body of water is made up of vivid multicolored mosaic sections of mud/stone. Looking back their shapes are sort of organic, and the entire picture together kind of looks like a political map (color scheme, borders) however that didn't occur to me at the time. I get the feeling that the entire area is covered by a very tall natural structure (cave or high canopy), as there's a bright opening far ahead where sunlight peeks through. Scattered throughout the pool, embedded in the multicolored segments, are red skulls and ribcages. Some of the skulls are only peeking out enough to look like masks.

Beside me, one of my older female comrades (a leader?) is consoling me after I explain the situation. We begin formulating a plan.

Dream #2: FA which was very accurate, but I still had my mints on the nightstand while in WL I had accidentally knocked them off last night.

2x1 = +2 => 15.5

#523 DILD 3:40AM

YAY FINALLY A LUCID! IT HAS BEEN FAR TOO LONG!

I am playing mini golf with some Asian dudes. They are way better than me. The course is odd an confusing. I notice my ball have become misshapen and like Styrofoam. I look for a better ball but they are all the same. I look around for someone that works there to help. I see Amanda and Darleen from work. Darleen is wanting a new ball but hers was red and we all have matching colored hats for teams. She has red but now wants a green ball. We say you cant change your hat but I watch as her hat morphs from red to green. She turns away and her had turns red again. We say something about that and it turns green again. Amanda wonders whats going on. I am sort of lucid here but not quite. I know there is some secrete here. I tell her Darleen is doing it with her mind. Amanda gives me one of her famous Im-going-to-throat-punch-you looks. I have a deep belly laugh because she doesn't understand whats happening. I'm still stuck on getting a good golf ball. I see a door marked employees only and enter. I'm suddenly far more lucid now and sitting in front of a computer at my ex's parents computer room. I do the first thing I think of and punch the screen. It hurts and I am mildly amused by that. I intend to punch all the way in but I can't go past the broken glass into the white light beyond. I wave my hand over the screen and mend all of the damage. I am annoyed to be in this damned house again. I don't understand why my subC takes me here so often. What's the connection? I decided to go ahead and explore but once I exit the room, the dream melts into a black oozing void. I decide to let the dream go and wake myself up.