lucid

April 6, 2013 - 4.5 hours in - 2 minutes - WBTB, FA, RC

I set a WILD alarm every 30 minutes starting 3.5 hours in, and the first time I got up to drink water and use the bathroom, and each time the alarm went off I would FILD for a little, then did a reality check and was awake, and fell asleep quickly thereafter.

I forget the early lucid part of this dream, but I don't think much happened.

I am laying in bed and I plug my nose and I can inhale and realize I am in a dream. As I reminded myself to do previously next time I am in a lucid dream, I don't hurry out of bed but rub my hands together and move slowly. I don't open my eyes, but wait for visuals to appear, which they do, despite not really feeling like my eyes are open. The lighting throughout the dream is low, like a room in the early morning with the blinds closed.

Once out of bed, I run right through a wall next to the door, which is on the wall perpendicular to the wall it is on in reality. I pass through like it doesn't even exist. On the other side is an identical wall a few feet away, which keeps repeating each time I pass through, although with a slight variation in how far away the next wall is. While doing this I remember that this was one of my goals for my next lucid dream, so I do it a couple more times.

I then move on to my other main goal, of falling backwards, and then instead of passing through a wall again, I turn to the right a little into what seems like an empty room, but I don't look around. I let myself fall backwards, which I do until I hit the carpeted floor (like my bedroom which I started in) and stop suddenly. It doesn't hurt at all, but I 'wake up' in bed.

I think it likely to be a false awakening and I plug my nose and can inhale. I leave my bedroom and am heading up the basement stairs for some reason. I am looking at my phone and it has only the background of the home screen, which shows a clear sky at night, much like it would be in reality. I go towards the kitchen and decide to look at the phone more, since I accomplished my goals. Now it looks like reality with all the icons. I look for Angry Birds, so I press the "Apps" button, which gives me four evenly spaced icons, each one having to do with Angry Birds. During this time I remember not to stare at one spot for too long, so as not to cause waking up. One icon is called "Toss" and I select it.

Unfortunately, at this point my WILD alarm goes off again, ending the dream. This is very disappointing, but I am happy I accomplished my goals with time to spare to goof off.

04/07/13

Concert in the Sky
I am in a wide green field of grass, entering into my dream through a WILD using my hypnosis program. I open my eyes and look around to see that I am alone there, which actually surprises me. I had expected to see Templars all around me, as seems to be the pattern lately. I walk across the field, enjoying the pleasant scenery. Then I see I am not alone after all. There is a single Templar there with me, though he seems to be keeping his distance. He has his hands out in a gesture that suggests he is not here to fight. I am feeling calm and peaceful, also not inclined to attack. He gets a little closer and says he just wants to talk to me for a minute. I figure that can't hurt, even if I want to tell him where to shove it… so I tell him to go ahead. He says something was discovered about the artifacts I have stolen, something that I definitely need to know about, especially since I am refusing to return them. He is about to say something else when a portal opens and a large feline creature with huge talons comes through and literally cuts him in half before he can even register what is about to happen. The cat then comes over to me and pounces on me in a more playful manner, licking my face like a huge dog before transforming into Nomad. I tell Nomad that I was talking to that guy he just cut in half… he says everything the Templars say is poison to the mind, toxins I don't need to be absorbing. I wonder what the Templar had been intending to tell me about the orbs… Nomad says we need to go to the moon, he opens a portal and we go through. On the other side of the portal we are in the tower on the moon, in the main control room. The display is showing the Earth, a full Earth enlarged to fill the entire screen. Nomad says he has programmed the tower to emit a beacon to signal all dreamers to come to the moon and become lucid. He pushes a button and a spotlight of white light shines over the entire planet, shining like a beacon. He says we can use our ships and broadcast a healing spell on the planet now, see about breaking the mind control the Templars are trying to establish. I teleport outside into my Fire Valkyrie, he launches in his space ship, and we head down to the planet. I fly low over some cities while broadcasting the song Liberate by Disturbed. "Liberate you minds!" I play the song repeatedly while flying from city to city, repeating the song several times. "… take away all the hatred that darkens the light in your eye…" should have the effect of eliminating some of the excessive negative energy and hate that seems dominant in the world. I continue flying over the planet from large city to large city, broadcasting the song everywhere I go, until I wake up.

Shadows of Yesterday
I am in a building that looks a lot like the school I used to go to. I am in a hallway that ends in a locked door. My ex-boyfriend, James, is sitting on the floor sorting through a bunch of papers. There are other people there, too. I recognize them as Alicia, Tigress, and Tina, who is the woman James left me for. I wonder what they're doing there. I try to ignore James and Tina, wishing one of my boyfriends was with me. If only I was dreaming… but maybe I am! I do a reality check and find I can breathe with my nose pinched. I want someone there with me. James and Tina are kissing. I really don't want to be alone. I find myself getting angry at being the one cast out on my own while two people who had claimed to be my friends still have each other. I am getting angry at having been used and tossed aside like yesterday's trash… I also don't want to have to watch the display. I go over towards them and tell them to cut it out, go get a room already. I step on a couple of the papers James had been sorting through. He gets mad at that and starts yelling at me about me being clumsy and thoughtless, and what am I so angry about anyway? My first thought is to try to wipe the dirt off of the paper I stepped on, but I am too annoyed for that, and this is just a dream. I seriously doubt that I am really looking at James and Tina, most likely just DC's created by my mind. I push him up against a wall and tell him that is normal for me now, I am angry all the time, I am getting quite pissed off and I tell him it's all because of him. Someone comes up behind me and puts his arms around me, a voice behind me with a British accent tells me that the git can only hurt me if I continue to let him. It's Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. He says he doubts James ever thinks about me, and I should do the same thing. The James DC asks Spike who he thinks he's calling a git. Spike very calmly states that James is a git for throwing away someone like me, then he proceeds to turn me towards him and kiss me right on the mouth. It is a passionate kiss I wish could go on forever, but as dreams have a way of doing, this one ended just when things were starting to get really hot. I wake up in a fit of coughing due to my extremely annoying cold!

Snow in the Desert
I am in the deserts of what looks like Egypt. I am not sure why I think that is where I am, but I am sure of it. I look around and see nothing but desert as far as the eye can see. I walk for a short while, but that is tiring. If only this was a dream I could fly. On the off chance I am dreaming I pinch my nose and find I can still breathe. I hadn't expected that to work, I am really dreaming! I take off and fly into the sky. I see the desert far below and a strip of green running through it, that is the Nile. I decide to fly over the Nile as I do in the beginning of my one hypnosis program. I figured it would be a good chance to complete a Task of the Year since that hypnosis program ends up with me at the pyramids of Egypt. I fly over to the river and dive down, enjoying the ability to fly. I reach down and touch the clear water before flying up again. I come down near the beaches then I notice something is weird. The white stuff I am looking at isn't sand… it's snow! Snow in the desert? That doesn't make any sense… it's nowhere near cold enough to have snow. I land to take a closer look and I find I have landed right by a road. Just to see if it is real I build a small snowman. I leave the snowman sitting on the side of the road for any travelers to see. It doesn't seem to be melting in spite of the desert heat. This reinforces the fact that I am dreaming, but it also pushes thoughts of the Pyramids of Egypt from my mind. (Fail!) I walk down the road for a while longer when a car catches up and stops near me. It's my mother driving a big SUV. She says I shouldn't be out in the cold… though it really isn't cold at all. I get in the car and we drive a while farther to a lodge, where we go inside. I am trying to remember my dream goals, but I feel like I am going to cough. I start coughing and wake myself up.

Dream recall from today's nap, had a bit of trouble not being able to fall asleep, but when i did still managed to get lucid.

Dream 1:

I wake up and get up from my bed because of some weird noise then i realize that headphones are on me, and i take them off, can still hear binaural beats, confirming that i am dreaming, i look around and the room is once again an almost exact replica of my room from waking life, dream fades out and i wake up.
I decide to DEILD from there, but i failed.

Dream 2(fragments):
I was at home, but then i went to some kind of cave, searching for something. Then i was back at home again and i was trying to figure out why i was still listening to binaural beats, but dream faded out before i could take off headphones.

4/3/13

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[Alright. I'll try to keep this to the point. Forgive my confusing scattered words. It's taken me my whole life to master this level of communication... and I'm still very far from being the Master.

I'm assuming this topic is alright for DreamViews because it ties heavily into my dreams and general life.
And I'm assuming people here will talk to me as if I'm not "psycho". And be quite loving and understanding.
BLESS the ones who aren't offended at my words.

If anyone has read Charles Fort's works, they'll understand what I mean when I say:

In every truth lies the hint of what can be called fantasy, and
in everyone's yarn there lurks something of what can be called the truth.

Please keep this in mind. This is an experience that is a little "off".
It's an experience- incompleted by the knowledge of what it was I experienced.
I'm missing the right way to relate this to you.
I know what I felt, and I know what I thought I understood about it.
That is all. And nothing more. Like many humans, I am filled with pride and vanity.
But I acknowledge that I TRULY know nothing.
I am not claiming to know anything on these subjects.]

All times are approximate.

Please keep an open mind.

This is my experience with Lucy.

================================================== =
__________________________________________________ ____________________________
[Background]

My name is Austin.

4 days ago, I experienced Lucy, aka "Acid" aka "LSD" with my "perfect-for-me" girlfriend.

Her name is Alex.

I love this tragic girl bottomlessly, so much it hurts. But this trip was different than with shrooms.
This time, I caught a glimpse of one of those most peculiar facets of reality.
I caught a glimpse beyond the veil. I felt something else's presence among the two of us.
I think it was what the Alchemists and the Shamans and the Wizards and Philosophers
and Dreamers and Scientists and more... would understand as "Lucifer".

Not many people will understand what I'm about to say.
That is because what I'm going to say CANNOT be put into these helpless words. Not in these hopeless worlds.
Hopefully, someone on these forums who has experimented with altered consciousness-
Will understand these metaphors and will relate. I hope someone knows what I'm talking about.
I will do my BEST to explain them to the others who don't get it yet.
This is why people who are actually on to something- are soon discredited as incoherent or such.
What we seek cannot be put into words. The words will escape you like sand through fingers.
Reminiscent of deja vu. If someone demands you explain these secrets, it won't happen. It can't.
Experience is the only way. First-hand.

Now.

I believe Lucifer can appear as and through different things to different people.
But to me it was or was through the gentle and mysterious lover.
The fiery serpentine chasing me up the spiral staircase.
Lucy was the image in between the mirror. Behind the lights.
She was there- but not in a physical sense. The lights would glow brightly when she was close.

My experience with this "entity" was gentle. Loving. Harshly beautiful. With a tinge of dark.
A hint of mystery. He/she told me things through my girlfriend. Beautiful things.
The problem is- my girlfriend claims that I was lost in a trip the entire time.
Conversations I thought I had between us, were just conversations with myself...
Through my girlfriend. But I'll have to ask for more faith from YOU
that I know that I was talking with "someone" whether it was my girlfriend
or an "entity" of less-than-physical existence. It may very well all have been in my head.
But I'm implying that perhaps that's how this thing works.
It IS all in your head. But at the same time it's not JUST in your head.

Oh man, it makes you double take on schizophrenia and general insanity in the world.
What if one of these people screaming on the street are screaming the truth?

Lately, I've been having these reoccurring thoughts in my head that I'm somehow Lucifer.
I just notice all these similarities to me and the angel they call "Lucifer".
My cardinal sin is Pride. I'm a dreamer, a musician, a lover, a woman and a man.
I don't belong here and I feel out of place. I equate myself to a Lion.
I seek knowledge. It reminds me of the story of the Apple of Eden.

I have a STRONG intuition that I'll meet Lucifer on Lucy.
__________________________________________________ ______________
[Austin]

I was one of those "weird kids" you find in school... That never did and never will fit in.
The quiet, smart, awkward kid. The outlandish kind. But I've held on to my innocence.
Longer than most could- I still have real good in my heart. I still have that light inside.
I feel like I have a perfect blend of female and male inside. I feel almost superhuman inside.
But broken at the same time. Like something is missing. My heart is full, but my roots are dry.
But I have a love for horror. An amorous pulling to the mysterious. Everyone has these things.

But I'm uncontrollably thirsty for knowledge. Wisdom. The way the Universe works, in all her wonder.
I've procrastinated the ignition of my life. I've waited to begin my life-
Just to bury myself in books. Drowned myself in watery facts and ideas.
Pondered for hours on "reality" breaking ideas. Ideas that would make sheep panic.
Ideas that only excite ME. "Maybe the world isn't as boring as I thought," I thought.

My life works in symbols. Archetypes.
The boundless ocean. The mother. The Lion. The female. Green. Autumn.
The King. Duality. Trinity. Clocks, and Stuffed Bears. Dreams. It doesn't matter.
But it does.

I know about the connection between you and I. Through reading, experience with dreams,
books of esotericism, books of all sorts!, and simple observation. It doesn't take a genius to see
That there is someone pulling strings in reality. Watch those coincidences.
Try to find connections. It used to be impossible- Then it became improbable.
Now it's highly probable. I know most of you will take me as insane.
There will be one who takes these words just right.

Lately I've been noticing the insane improbable-almost-to-the-point-of-impossible amount of coincidences.
The Universe was talking to me all the time. I just needed to tune in.
__________________________________________________ _____________________________
[Alex]

She's the most interesting human I've met so far.

She has reason behind everything she does!

If she were an element, she'd be fire. She's a white Tiger she says.
Her taste is deliciously refined. She knows what she likes.
During Shrooms, I noticed something very peculiar.
While everyone else in the room tripped blindly.
She unscrewed light bulbs, turned things upside down.
I saw it. It resonated with me.
It was her act of defiance I think that caught my eye.
Her rebellion against the collection of rules we call society.
Mischievous girl. I understand she'll break my heart one day.
...
She grew up so fast. She's had a miserable life so far.
It beat the shit out of her. Her Mother is a monster. (Broke my damn side-view mirror that bitch.)
She never had a father. (He left before Alex was born.)

I've noticed that she does NOT attract happy karmic events.
If there ever was an unlucky human, it was her.
Her life hands her more shit than most humans would be able to handle.
She is hardened to this cruel world. The pessimist out of us.
But she knows things. She knows how it really is.
I'm wary of her. But just as wary as someone can be
of someone you love more than anything.

Our relationship is confusing.
At times we're like best friends.
Sometimes we're enemies.
Sometimes we're just animals using each other.
But when it's all said and done...
All I want to do is hold her hand and keep her safe through this lifetime.
That is what I'm here to do.
If there's anything that's real in this goddamned life, it's that I TRULY love that girl.
__________________________________________________ ____________________________________
[0:00]
We walked into my bedroom and placed two blotters each (piece of paper with LSD dropped on) under our tongues.
We sat around for a moment and began to feel excited and restless. Hence our decision to go to the local convenience store to grab a drink for the trip.
We smoked a bowl and headed down the hallway to go outside.
"Do you want to drive?" I dangle my Miku anime-keychain.
"Mmm... Yes!" I barely offer it, but she barely ever accepts. I become aware of the symbolism in that.

(throughout that day, I had seen the theme of "Lucifer"
sowing itself in and out of the tapestry of reality. Through coincidence. Shit happens, you know, but you'll start to notice that a great deal of that "shit"'s probability doesn't match up with the general idea of probability that society has built. Too many coincidences to be without an explanation. Too much smoke to be without a fire. I'd see pictures on Tumblr of serpents and horns- I'd see references to the Bible and things like that- but there was just so much of it today, more so than usual.)


Pulling up, I asked my girlfriend, "Do you know the story of The Garden of Eden?" ...
"Yeah, I know about that story." She humors me.
"Well... sh-should I trust him? I know I'll have to meet him eventually..."
"I don't know..." She knows.
"Huh." I drop it.

I know she doesn't understand my curiosity. I accept it's just one of our differences.

We grab our drinks- 2 thirst busters, and a pink powerade for me and a blood red powerade for her.

When we get back to the house, giddy and excited, we metaphorically "stumble" through the door.
I mean by that- that we were a little "off" by now. It had been 30min. We were walking perfectly fine.
Talking a little strangely... but perfectly functional. Just a little "different" and "strange".

__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
[0:35]
As we walked back in the room and shut the door, she unloaded a pocketful of things and change.
I pointed it out to her that she was becoming a little more like me.
"It's because I love you." It made sense. I picked up a lot of her traits at times too.

We sat on my bed and loved on each other a little. Tickles, talking, touching, pictures, videos.
It was about an hour through, that we started to feel a little more than just "stoned."
The first stage was the breaking of the shell. The realization that there's more to "you" than just "you."
I watched the clock and became the clock. My awareness controlled how I existed.
Visuals were normal. If a little more relaxed. "Diffused" is a good word. "Unfocused".

I stayed consciously aware of what I was feeling constantly. It was creeping up pretty slowly- but it wasn't anything like I had felt before.
I could "feel" it coming on, as I could with other things. It felt like... a drop-off. A cliff.
It felt like I was hanging off the side of a great cliff, dangling over the abyss from a rope.
Alex told me several times throughout the trip that that's how I "felt", as if she could feel what I felt too.

We immediately went to work with our music playlists that we had planned out. I'm usually the one who spends time thinking about the future (making playlists for acid trips is a good example of this), but Alex surprised me this time by being prepared. Notice this coincidence.

She listened to her music first. Of Monsters and Men. The Head and the Heart. Modest Mouse. Bright Eyes.
Amazing music. But it left me wanting something more familiar.

On to my music. I felt around with my ears the following: Gorillaz, The Beatles, Vampire Weekend, Arcade Fire, Radiohead, Panic! At The Disco...

Oh, such beautiful things tucked away neatly in these songs. A word to the wise:
Alot of these bands know what they're talking about. They know what I'M talking about.
It's all in the music that we listen to- secrets. But remember that words can't describe what I've seen.
But music is a better language for something like this.

Take note that "Lucifer" is constantly associated with things such as "light, music, beauty, etc".

Well back to the trip. By this point, another hour has passed. I had been on the brink of tears countless times now from what I'd seen
and momentarily forgotten.
(Amnesia sucks. I have reason to believe my human is plagued with holey memory. I hope to one day find out why. Probably heavy fluoride in the pineal gland.)

__________________________________________________ __________________________________
[1:15]
Now, me and Alex just wanted to talk again.

She told me about what laughter was for.
She told me that:
"Love is strange- If you get too filled up with that wonderfulness [love], it'll make you sad. You need to let it out every once in awhile.
It's meant to be shared."

My god! Right in front of our eyes. Laughter was the human mechanism for sharing love with the world. The letting out of steam.
It was biological as much as it was just... oddly metaphysically organic. I mean by that... ... no. I'll have to leave that one for you. It's a mechanism of my higher-self as much as it is my human.

"If you start to feel sad... it's because you need to let it out. Share it." If there's one thing I held on to throughout my trip, it was this.

Countless times I felt that well of sadness rising up. I pushed it down by laughing at how wonderful everything was. I just looked around.
I laughed at how crazy I was for thinking I was talking to the devil. I laughed at how impossibly-obviously it presented itself to me.
I laughed at how all of my favorite bands had all of the answers to my questions- but in code.
I laughed at how awkward my soul piloted my human. I would lean into kiss my lover, and land somewhere else and just laugh.
I laughed at how perfect she was. How she always found the perfect thing to say to me. It was like a storybook. Like a dream.
Like I had always wished and wished for. She completed me, like a puzzle piece. How curious.



My soul wasn't very good at integrating me into society, in general, I observed.
I just have never understood the importance of fitting in. Never in my life.
If I had a finger to point... it would be at my soul.
From what I understand...
He should be the one who deals with matters spanning over the 4th dimension... over and outside of time.

But...
I am him. I just sometimes forget.

__________________________________________________ __________________________
[1:45]
Alex.

She was different now. She was still her. But now with a mischievous grin. Cheshire was smiling through my love's face.
She walked like a Goddess, like a perfect little hipster indie kid. (I think that's what I would incarnate as if I were Lucy.) [I'll call her Lucy.]
She pointed to my antique clock and told me the face was the surface of a pond. She was pointing at my symbols. She knew what it meant to me. She knew I had always equated myself with the element water. She knew my personality was watery in itself.
"It's like a dirty pond with scattered numbers."
She knew about my shaky relationship with time.
The pond represented me.

She got up and stretched. "Man, all this damn water." ...again, referring to ME.
As if she had finally seen the real me.
She said it as if just arriving there to that moment in time, before flashing me a grin.
Again, I got the impression of being in the presence of a Goddess- in the flesh. She knew I knew.

She analyzed my life so far and hit every nail on the head. With such grace and the perfect hint of mystery to keep me there. She talked about my innocence and my attachment to my inner child.
I have a stuffed animal, a tattered old bear- she told me that my child was beaten up.
My innocence was hurt.

I think I feel the need to use the word "her" because I was still clinging on to egos. I was afraid to be one with this. All the warnings.
All the damn warnings from humanity. Avoid the one they call the devil. I struggled within myself against it.

"It's like a bunch dolls in a dollhouse." She referred to the bodies we inhabited.

At this point- my mind was so far in the "strange". My nerves and senses were totally "not-normal".
I didn't think of it as, "Sight" or "Hearing" or "Feeling"... it was more of a five-pronged color wheel of general sensation manifesting itself as a big picture. I mean... My senses began to blur into one sense.

And the trails. Oh my... There was a mesmerizing soft blur behind any sort of movement.

I also began to notice catching weird alien thoughts in my own head. I felt like I was tuning in on Alex's thoughts.
I STILL can't figure out who it really was that first wanted that cigarette. Also...
I would look at Alex with a question and she would verbally respond.
Me and Alex began to slowly realize something. Not that we were melding consciousness. But that we already were one consciousness.
I was getting my first understanding of what "Duality" and "Unity" truly meant.

I spoke incoherently, akin to Jack Sparrow. I was trying to grasp an idea.
It was being relayed to me from outside of my head, that's for sure.

But here's a metaphor to help you understand what I mean.
Sometimes, if you stare directly at something...
It vanishes.
But if you learn to look with the corner of your eye.
You might get a better glimpse.

If I thought too hard at an idea, it would run away.
Same with Lucy/Lucifer. If we chased after her, she would vanish.
She would stop amusing us. She had a tendency to sneak in and out of our trip.

And then something happened... she tried to get me to kiss her. She had that devilish look in her eye.
I... recoiled. I subconsciously knew that what I was dealing with was indeed very heavy. It meant something.
And I needed to be perfectly conscious so I could make a decision. These cautious thoughts were definitely mine.

I know what LSD can do to you. You have to keep your mind clear and empty or else you'll convince yourself of something.
I decided that this vision or feeling of dancing with the devil was TOO persistent to be a simple delusion.
I might be an odd human, but I know that these was DEFINITELY something more to this than delusion.
Truly, there's some truth in my yarn. But I kept a clear head so that I would feel the feelings as they came.

I was forced to make a decision of a life time. If I went through with this, I had a feeling my life would never be the same. But my life was always so boring... I kind of ached for it, you know?

Vampire Weekend summed it up perfectly:

"It’s not right but it’s now or never
And if I wait could I ever forgive myself? "

I finally kissed her back, pushing through my hesitation. It WAS just my girlfriend.
I kiss her all the time. But this time it was mixed-up, fearful, and hesitant.
We lost ourselves in our slow kisses for awhile. And suddenly...
for JUST a moment, I woke up from the Matrix that we live in.
I realized in that moment that I was NOT my body... or even my mind, for that matter.
Whatever I really was, it was "green" and "bright" and "vibrant" and "full of love".
She was more "grey" and "scarred" and "hopeless" but "wise" and "full of texture"
The best way I can describe what it felt like... I was an amorphous living "thing".
A giant changing organism of "light". I felt MYSELF (I'll capitalize when I refer to our higher self.)
brushing up against my lover... in an alien landscape, in alien bodies. It was more beautiful than anything you've ever experienced.
It was scarring to someone who wants to remain ignorant. I now knew.

She knew I had finally seen the true HER. SHE was disfigured and bruised from the horrors and disappointments of her lives.
I held her body close and radiated an infinite love that she had never felt before. She knew I knew. She knew I loved her regardless.
I didn't get to see any specifics, but I know that we've known each other intimately besides this life. Same with all the people in my life.

We cuddled for a little and loved each other. I accepted every little part of her, and she accepted every little part of me.

__________________________________________________ ____________________________________
[2:00]
We laid in my bed and stared around my room. It was as if I was my soul, checking up on my human. My room was a wreck.
Disorganized and messy. I scolded myself. My eyes caught all these symbols that I would have never caught.
I looked at my long hair and saw my female trying to claw her way out. She was desperate to be seen and pet.
It was tragic. I felt a little drunk- by that I mean that drunken feeling of trying to walk. A great happy cheerfulness filled me
despite my slight lack of coordination.

I had to go to the bathroom though... I was afraid to be away from Alex, so I hesitated...
"I REAAAALLY need to goooo."
"Okay, I'm going now."
"Alright baby, here I go."
"I NEED TO PEEEE."
(I said all of those... probably 20 seconds apart. Stalling.)

I worked up the courage to break away. I drifted like a ghost down the hall.
Once in the bathroom, I got on my knees and peed close to the toilet (a strange habit I'd picked up years ago).
I got up, and checked myself out in the mirror. My pupils were huge. I could see my soul showing through my eyes.
It was beautiful. I always thought that was beautiful. Enlarged pupils are subconsciously attractive to me.
Then I returned to Alex. We were both thinking about the same thing now. Ourselves.

We both stared at our vessels with self-love. She began to talk again,
"You know... I never really got why people are so against this." I knew she was referring to our self-love.
"If you have what you have, what's the point in Not loving it?" -She continued while eyeing herself with love and a hint of lust.
I did the same.

Sometime throughout the trip, I stripped naked and watched my body closely.
It was so... gorgeous. My male and female energies were so balanced.
I marveled at my body's hips and legs, and my shoulders and eyes.


(I'd always had a deeply ingrained disgust with egoists.
Egotistical people had always disgusted me. They were never going to grow, because they were so weighed down by their own empty weight. My religious Dad pointed out that I had pride in my eyes, countless times through my childhood. He made sure I knew it was wrong.)

(But... I couldn't find an argument to this one. I had always thought myself and Alex to be extremely attractive.
In a different kind of way than what society could see. I would walk by a group of girls, flicking on a switch inside.
I would think confident feelings, I would KNOW that I was sexy... and the girls would always look my direction and blush.
I had that power. Everyone does. And if it's already there... It's just a matter of turning it on.)

__________________________________________________ __________________________________
[2:30]
Alex had to go pee next. It had been 2 1/2 hours now. She left to go to the bathroom...
But I found myself following close behind, as if I were going to the bathroom as well.
As if we were going to share that experience. I paused and realized that I couldn't follow her in there.
She chuckled at me and left.

I realized I still needed to pee! I normally was very "good" at holding my bladder.
But this time felt different. Seconds had passed since Alex left the room.
"I don't think I can wait." I said to myself, alone in my room.
I panicked when I thought that perhaps Lucy had something to do with my bladder un-control.

Then I realized it. I wasn't feeling MY need to pee. I was feeling Alex's need to pee.
I had already pissed. Now it was her turn.
Only catch.
I was going to experience her turn.

When it finally dawned on me what was going on...
I began to squirm and struggle to hold in my bladder-
While I was experienced pee-ing.
I could feel it so clearly. It felt good~
But I was unable to enjoy the relieving feeling due to my panic.
It reminds me slightly of orgasm, but just a hint.
I'm proud to say, that I LSD didn't make me piss

I continued to squirm, until she was done.
Then I walked out of my room and met her at the door to explain.
She grinned at me.

__________________________________________________ _________________________________
[3:30]
At about 3 1/2 hours.
We fell into the bed again, and fell entranced by my ceiling light.
It broke my popcorn ceiling into a crystal kaleidoscope.
It began to glow intensely. We lied there in that room staring at that light forever.
It was so fucking beautiful. I could tell that there was something "more" to the light.
There was something "behind" the light. "Inside" it. "Outside" of it...
Wait no... There's no word for it. "Within" would be the best fit.

Lucy was close-by. The light vibrated. The ceiling crawled.
The room came to life. We were coming to a peak of the trip.
Alex snapped me out of it.
"Don't let it take you away."
What a strange thing to say, I thought.
I'm sure she knew what I felt.
But I looked away and broke the spell.

Our gazes returned shortly after.
She gasped- "I can see your heartbeat in the ceiling."
Both of our jaws dropped. It was true. The light was pulsating to my heart.
We were pushed back against the wall and the bed... HARD.
But it was because of how incredibly beautiful and powerful it was.
The entity.
... ...
She joked for the third time, "If this is the peak, I'd still be disappointed."
I laughed at that challenge to Lucy.

We sat up from our bed, feeling like we had lived an eternity in moments.

The green curtains had crawling vines. If you relaxed your eyes on them, they would move like crazy.
I could also see aura around Alex. Her's was red.
She told me mine was a bright green.

By now, we had abandoned words for the most part. We both realized how much easier it was
to communicate in "soul-speak", in thought, and in feeling.

__________________________________________________ __________________________
[4:30]
We walked outside. Oh. My. God.

"There's a world out here..." We both gasped. We were coming down fast.

But that one moment when I first experienced nature... our SUN, the neighborhood.
I will never forget it. It made me gasp in my female's voice. It was THAT powerful.
I was powerfully aware of our position in the solar system. That big glowing thing in the sky...
It's in a very basic sense: "Alive".

Fire is... "Alive." Plants and animals... they're "alive and conscious".

My only metaphor for this... would be...
There's these Mexican candies... I forget their name...
But it's a plastic container, with this spicy/sour chile mango
Squishy candy inside.
You squeeze it out through the top and it comes out in strands.
Like squishy red grass.
The inside of the container is primal life. Life in it's most basic form. Before it's manifested in this world.
When it's squeezed out, it seperates into egos and distinctions. Each little blade is a different manifestation of the same thing.

(Matter is alive too, just vibrating at a different level. But I digress- back to the trip.)

My lover and I sat beautifully in our bodies. I followed her to a spot in the shade, out of the morning sun where we found our perch. Watching the school children and other humans waking up, and going to school and work.
We sat there and watched, understanding that they may never know the things we know.
They may go their whole lives and never see the truth.
I began to grow nervous that people were walking about as, well, we were tripping balls in my front driveway.

I shook it off, "Ah fuck it. A school bus of children could pass by for all I care."
A school bus passed 6 seconds later. Me and Alex eyed each other and knew that Lucy was still with us.

We had a conversation between a human God and Goddess in my front yard about the tops of trees.
She pointed to the top of the pine tree before us.
"You know, the tops of trees are my favorite parts of trees." She spoke softly.
I thought to myself of whether there was symbolism in what she said.
She paused before saying, "It matters."

She reminded me of plants. I had always wanted to communicate with one. I cupped in my hands a yellow flowered weed next to me, and I closed my eyes. I felt something. But not very strongly. I felt impatient.

"You want to go inside, don't you?" I had a feeling.
"Yeah..."
"Well... can we wait out here for just a second?"
"Yeah, as long as you want."
But I couldn't fully enjoy it, now that I knew she wanted to go inside.
I asked one more question... It was aimed at Lucy AND Alex.
"You aren't going leave me... are you?" The insecure little girl I had once been was asking.
I began to tear up and almost cry at the thought of being disconnected from this in the future.
I don't remember her answer. But it was good. I remembered to laugh, so I wouldn't be sad.
So we got up and walked inside.

__________________________________________________ _____________________________________
[6:00]
It was approximately 6 hours into our trip, more or less.
Lucy was still here, but in a less HERE way.

(INTERJECTION: The overwhelming clarity of LSD is so strange to experience, in stark contrast to the drug propaganda out there. Do not listen to your government on matters like this. You have to trust your heart on this to know if you're ready for something like this. I was ready. I've been waiting for this day my entire life.)

Now I wasn't talking directly to Lucy. I was talking to just my Alex.
She noted that I had been talking "past her" for the past few hours.
That I had, in reality, been lost in a sort of trip. But I know what I experienced.
I have faith in it. And I will not let the world shake it out of me like they do to the rest of us.

Back to the experience. I confronted another demon of mine.
My occasional lack of passion. My lack of red and orange and yellow.
My lack of masculine energies.

Alex was calling me to her. She stretched her beautiful body in my bed, like a cat.
I knew her body wanted mine. I knew her animal ached for mine.
But I am not the normal male. Not the normal man.
I didn't feel like a wolf ready to take control.
I was unsure and awkward. I felt wrong every time I tried to force a passionate kiss.
I couldn't fake passion. So I sat there awkward.

I don't know how many Panic! At The Disco songs I heard before it happened.
(Panic! was playing on shuffle the first time we made love.)

She took control. She pushed me against the bed. She has what I don't have.
I tried to fight back... but she was too strong for me.
I quivered and moaned like the female I felt.
She touched my body and made me feel powerless.
I began to tear up in fear and quiet submission.
Oh, it was then I felt real passion.
This is one reason why we're like puzzle pieces. We match.


Sometimes I curse myself for being born in a male body, when I'm so obviously not.
But I understand that things happen for reasons. Perhaps I chose this existence to make amends
with my masculinity.


I'll skip out some pretty details.
But there was passionate kisses.
"I can see why humans do that." She smirked along with me.
It was a physical means to elicit a reaction in our souls. It was a way to communicate.
We were trading delicate feelings through lips.
Two aliens; two children of the stars-
experiencing what it was like to love as humans.
Oh the impossibly mad love.

Once I felt that passion in my bones...
The man in me awoke. The wolf.
I grabbed her and forced her down like I wished she would to me all those times.

!@#$%^&

I came earlier than I wanted to and I sat in shame for a minute.
Alex knew what my look meant, and she told me that she had felt amazing regardless.
"So why worry?"

__________________________________________________ _________________
[7:00]


Alex eventually fell asleep.
We cuddled together and held each other close until then.

Then I was alone.
I moved to my computer.
I was compelled to listen to "Colorblind" by Counting Crows.
It was an anthem of my human and soul, specific to me.
It touched my hurt that I had accumulated as this specific human.
My awkward un-belonging. My prison of skin. My lack of color.
(Books, the only thing I had found solace in before... can only show you black and white.)

I cried my eyes out. I couldn't fight the sadness back.
It all poured out. I was terrified of how deep the feeling was.
I went to Alex and was about to shake her, when
"I'm fine." was sung.

I knew this was a sign from the Universe to let her sleep.
I was fine.

(The Universe or Lucy or whatever it was... sometimes sends me winks.
"Coffee black and eggwhite." is a line in that song."
My best friend's Dad just poured me black coffee and handed me an egg sandwich while I've been up all night typing this.)

It's truly a humbling thing to know that your entire life is a part to a play.
It's just a dance. It's put together very delicately, with lots of love and care.
But sometimes if you REALLY look closely, it's like a movie.
We all have a part to play. Dolls in a dollhouse.

__________________________________________________ _______________________________
[End?]

So that's my story so far. At the same time, it's all of our stories. We've all met Lucifer in one way or another. It lives inside of all us, whether we like it or not. It's all a matter of becoming aware of it.

I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything. Just sending a message out in a bottle.
For most of you, you most likely will categorize me as delusional. That is fine.
This is just an oddly fascinating and fantastic story to you. But I have faith in the dreamers.
I know who I'm talking to. They know who they are. The right people will answer me.

It's all just simple math. What I'm talking about sounds magical... but it is very real.
Perhaps, one day it will be considered common knowledge. Accepted science.
But until then- we need explorers who are willing to chart this new frontier.

__________________________________________________ _______________
[Some of the other things Lucy told me through Alex...]

"You don't belong here. You feel it too, don't you?" I had always felt that.

"You're a very very VERRRY special, human, Austin. I don't think you realize how special you are." I knew this was truth, but it felt like a dirty truth. It felt wrong to say and obsess with. I know I'm meant for something big. But it's not all about me.

"You're INCREDIBLY beautiful." She stared at me sometimes... just as I had stared at the beautiful light.

"You've been waiting here, an anomaly in this world. Waiting for something alien to return you to your home."

[I also "realized" a few things by myself.]

I saw that most the people I called friends, were actually entities I knew outside of this human life.
A few of them I was "tied up to" or "chained to" with karmic debt.
My best friend is VERY pushy, and if I don't listen to what he says, I feel a backlash of negative energy.
I'm starting to realize that I actually am VERY far in debt to ALOT of people.

I also found that I was meant to go to a certain concert in California called Coachella in the middle of April.

I realized on my own that I'm destined to be a famous musician. That sounds horribly egotistical.
But you'll understand if you're ever in shoes like mine.


And lastly... I started the apocalypse. Maybe it was me individually, or me in the general sense of humans.
But when I came out of my trip, instantly I saw new signs of chaos.

This whole Korea business became frontline news. I've seen and heard ambulances every day here since.
People have been talking about the upcoming war in America. People have started making plans.
I think I might move to Seattle eventually. I have a feeling it might be safe for me.
Since me and Alex are both extremely drawn to this city.


__________________________________________________ ______________________________________
Please... if you're curious or have questions, please ask.
If you have something to add to my experience, I would certainly appreciate it!

It's a wonderful world out there, dreamers. Get out there and feel it for yourself!
For all you wisdom-seekers, may you find what you're looking for.

I'm at a bar, or a party and some random guy comes up to me and starts talking about a time when I smeared french onion dip in his face and he beat my ass for it.I couldn't remember that moment for the life of me, and had no idea what he was talking about. I figured maybe he was drunk so I went along with it. Then he goes and retells the story to some random dc with his arm around me... I took his arm away and said "I'm pretty sure I was drunk if it happened, and you wouldn't stand a chance it happened now. He kept talking crap, and a fight ensued. I was punching him with everything, and eventually I grabbed the pool table, and broke his legs with it. There is more to this dream...I remember hanging out with some women or something, but I can't piece it together.


I'm driving down the main street in our town, and there are all types of theme park rides set up at the car dealerships. I mean these things look like something I wouldn't even get on. One was a big ball of seats that sling slung hundreds of feet in the air. It was moving, but there weren't any people in it. I get to this rural area that I don't recognize, and talk to a few DCs. Two of the girls came with me in the van, and I told them I was on a mission. I told one of them to drive, and we get to a huge factory. They don't believe that we're going to find anything, but just when one of them says that, We come across a crack plant. It was really weird. They had huge bags of cocaine wrapped in aluminum foil. All of them went inside and came out with guns. They started shooting, but nothing was happening. I ran back and searched through my backpack for my guns (told myself they'd be in there from the beginning but they weren't). Another dc told me they were in another bag, and I searched it....no guns. woke up.

Finally joined the Taste Club! I was away for the weekend, and I usually end up having LDs when I'm in a different bed. I was tossing and turning alot, so it was perfect for an LD.

I was having a non lucid about my 11th grade English teacher, Ms. Pasqual. She was a biaaaaaatch irl, and in the dream too. So we were all in class, and I don't remember what she did to get the whole class angry with her, but some students grabbed her, held her down, and told me I could bite her finger off. So I took her hand and put the tip of her index finger in my mouth and bit down. I bit down pretty hard, and began to hear and feel a crunchiness. As I was biting, I thought to myself "Hrmm, what does this taste like... kinda salty.." Oh shit, this is the Basic Task, I'm lucid!!!

I was so happy, so much so that I decided to be more kindhearted and let Ms Bitch keep her finger. But I wanted to taste something else, so I looked around the classroom. There was a large, wooden pepper-grinder in there for some reason. I picked it up and licked it. It tasted like salty wood. I wanted something more interesting, and found a box of crayola crayons. I told the class that I'm going to be tasting these crayons, and that their flavor will correspond to the color. So I grabbed a key lime crayon out of the box, and it tasted like lime! Only a bit sweeter, like key lime pie or something. The white one tasted like coconut, the blue was blueberry, the red was watermelon (I actually debated for a moment making the red apple or cherry, and the green would be watermelon, but I had already made green the keylime), and it was a really pronounced watermelon flavor. So fun, but I woke up right after that.

I actually DEILDed back into the classroom unintentionally, and went for a red crayon, hoping to make it taste like cherry, but then I woke up again.

Fun times

Dream recall from today's nap, pretty long dream but i couldn't recall first part in detail, also became lucid near the end but didn't recalled waking life memories, like, at all, so ended up just wandering aimlessly...

I was on some kind of huge island and i was in some kind of organization. There was a city and we had out base in bunker that was located in one of basements. We had some storage with various weapons, and we were also discussing various things. A few times we were going on missions which were happening in various locations on the island, i recall one of them was happening in some natural area, other in the city, another was happening in some arabian town and another somewhere underground(can't recall mission details though sadly). Between missions we were discussing more things and i was also visiting some classes that were built below the bunker. Also at some point i found some guns in the storage and was curious why we weren't using them earlier, considering we were using melee weapons.
Later our bunker-base got attacked by some enemies but we successfully defended it. Then we had a discussion and there was mention about some famous warrior-invader that was capturing land for himself all over the world, and that he was coming for this island. We were worried, but the day was over and we went to get some rest.
Next day, the island was captured by that dude and we couldn't do anything, and later his helper arrived at your base and said that he was taking one item of value from every person on this island for some kind of sacrifice. That helper looked surprisingly like one of my classmates from when i was at school ages ago. Then he left and we had discussion about this, we weren't sure what was the minimal value, so i decided to use pen as item that was randomly in my pocket. We also decided not to fight him, because we didn't wanted problems at the moment but we were planning to bring him down later after finishing some other important thing. We went to the underground classrooms, and apparently the warrior dude was there and everyone was bringing items there. That dude looked really strong and warrior-like, we got items but helper said that pen is not enough of value, but that we still had time to get another item. I went to search for other item in storage, we found some gold bars, but we don't wanted to use them, so we stopped on another item that was some kind of mechanism.
We got it to the dude but before i could leave someone in the room shouted my name, i heard warrior dude and his helper were talking about that he apparently had grudge on someone with that name, but he could not realize that people can have same names. He shouted that i should come, the exit was blocked so i pretended that i didn't heard his discussion and just came, on the way i silently grabbed a couple of random items, that were apparently rulers. When i got closer, he suddenly attacked me with... some kind of triangle rulers that had blade on one side, rulerblades? I blocked attack with the rulers i got, but they broke almost immediately, i dodged towards one of tables and there luckily was another pair of those rulerblades. I picked them up and started attacking too. We were blocking each others attacks, but soon i missed some attacks and i was hit, but it seemed like my body was like made of stone and i didn't took much damage. I started to be more offensive in my attacks and soon i managed to land a few hits too, but he was not damaged much as well. We fought for a while but in the end i managed to defeat him and then i fell unconscious because was too tired.
While 'dreaming' while unconscious, i was watching some kind anime named 'S3E3' about some futuristic city, can't recall much about it though.
Then i woke up, i was in the same room where fight was, but there were alot of people and apparently some historians were talking about the past events and about S3E3 apparently too.I spontaneously realized that i was dreaming, but for whatever reason i decided not to do reality check. There also was weird ink on my clothes. According to what historians were talking about, apparently that battle was literally years ago and that the land remained under control of that dude anyway because he apparently won? I told them that it's not true and they were annoyed. I ignored them as they started tantrum and left the room, someone shouted that i 'ruined all the classes' and i was wandering around bunker hall not sure what to do, soon dream faded out.
I woke up in some large room, it was dark and i couldn't move. There was huge balcony on the second floor of the room and at the balcony there was weird anime girl. She looked at me and then i woke up properly.

[color="darkslateblue"]I was in a house, it had 2 exits, I think. Both exits had a black, talking cat guarding it, I wasn't allowed to go outside.
I stood up before one of the cats [/color][COLOR="seagreen"]and realized I was dreaming. What could go wrong, the cat is powerless. I went through the door, it was nice outside, even sunny.
There was a man on a horse, he threatened to shoot me with his bow-like weapon if I walked past him. [/color][color="darkslateblue"]Lost lucidity, I walked around the house for the rest of the dream. Apparently there were some people buried in the basement.[/color]

06.04.2013

Fix Yourself Instead of Fixing Others (WILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

We're in a room, the fancy hotels that would have a large glass window that let's you see the city and beyond. I'm wearing a blue polo shirt and black jeans, I tried not looking at her for a while and decided to focus on something rather than her.

I don't know why, things felt awkward, so I continued to look at the darkness over the window. The room we were in was at least 200 feet or so above the ground. I didn't focus on the city itself, just the darkness. The moon is beautiful just using peripheral vision, it illuminates the bland structure of this simulated city.

Eva: You know looking at the city is not really real.

Me: I just wanted to enjoy the view, even if it's just simulation.

Eva: You didn't come all this way just to look at a city, or the sky, or the moon. You came to see me right?

Me: .............


Eva: Don't be shy, there's nothing wrong with you wanting to see me. Wait, are you afraid of what people will think about you just because of me? Remember what happened to those people who mocked you right?

They were just distractions, they prevented you from having fun, even though you knew it was all a dream, and not reality.


I turned around, ignored the city view and decided to sit at the edge of the bed Eva was resting on. The bed is kind of hard to describe, all I know is that there was a bed, and that it consisted of a dark maroon color with different shades of red. The bed was comfortable, but I just wanted to sit at the edge before things get too comfortable in this room.

Me: They were my friends Eva.


Eva: Sure they were your friends, but they didn't really take your behavior too kindly. You let them drain all the kinds of fun you could've had.


I slowly turned around to her, slightly irritated, but she was clearly right. Instead of trying to argue, I decided to let her give her own opinions on how I reacted towards these people. I felt a complete sense of privacy within this dream, only one person to really focus on. There was a brown desk to the right of her, and it had a lamp shining with a hue of yellow. The base of the lamp was a laminated brown marble texture with mixes of white, gray, and milky yellow.


Eva: Come a little closer.


I decided to just freeze and not make a move. She takes the dark maroon bedsheet and gets closer to me.


Eva: I'm just kidding silly, come on, lighten up.


I still didn't know what to do, I decided to just let her take action.


She's just wearing a black bra and underwear, and she gets closer to the left side of my shoulder. She wraps her arms around me and we stayed like this for a few minutes. I started to phase out, slowly feeling her presence around me. The feelings were mixed, and I decided it was best to let whatever happen, happen.

She broke the silence and went back to the topic on my experiences with friends overall.


Eva: You spent more time satisfying these people more than being pleased with yourself. As long as you had an emotional bond with them, you respected them no matter how they looked like. You even allowed yourself to almost fail college just so you can help another friend out.


Me: But she really had a difficult time...


Eva: Yes, but you're not responsible for her life.


Me: But she was my friend.


Eva: Do friends almost make you fail college?



Me: Tch.....you really are honest aren't you?


Eva: Isn't that what you wanted me to be?


I closed my eyes and thought things over, it was the first time in a long time since I talked with someone in my dreams where they struck a nerve on me a few times. I realized I shifted my perspective back to myself near the glass window, except this time, I was bracing my back against it.

I had my left leg up forming an "A" and had my right leg completely stretched out. I decided to look at the bottom of the bed with the dark maroon sheets hanging all the way, almost touching the floor. I still didn't want to look at her directly, but at least have her in my peripheral vision.

I did it so that I would have more focus on her because I would be forced to see her presence. She gets off the bed and slowly walks towards me. I looked down on the dark red carpet with random circular designs. I get a bit anxious, but I quickly realized that I'm being a wimp for nothing since this is just a dream.


Eva: Come on, she wanted you to have some fun for yourself, there's no point feeling depressed about her, she has her own life to worry about.


I'm back at the edge of the bed again, focusing on her with my peripheral vision once more, and she sits to the back of me, spreads her legs and locks them around my waist. She moves her arms under mine, wraps them on my stomach and places her head on my back.

Eva: Instead of trying to fix others, try fixing yourself. You shouldn't feel awkward around me, I'm just trying to help you. You're thinking about the worst case scenarios, and you wonder why it's so difficult for you to find me.

You're already aware that this whole experience is within the confines of your mind, and you shouldn't let other people's opinions affect what you want to do with your life, both in waking and dreaming.

Those same people who tried to change you ended up leaving you and forgetting about you, they focused on their own lives, and you should do the same. You realized that no matter how much you wanted to help people, that virtue has its limits. There's no point in trying to cleanse a person of their doubts and guilt, there are just some things people want to hold on to because of the memories behind them.

I'm sure most people have at least one experience that they regret, and they let it drag them down. You shouldn't try to help them fix their problems if they're consistently showing that they don't want to forgive themselves. What hope is there for a person who doesn't want to help themselves? The only thing you can do is to simply have faith that they will make the right decision.

You have to try your best and keep pushing forward, and I'm more than happy to help you. If you really want to live your dreams, you have to be willing to make difficult choices, even if it means forgetting your friends. It also means allowing yourself to change in order to accomplish those goals, there's no point letting other people drag you down; don't become too fixated with their lives that you forget about your own responsibilities.

Do you even know what you want to do in the future?


Me: [*editing that part out*]
I just want to continue pursuing knowledge and developing myself, is that so wrong?

Eva: No, I didn't say it was, but I..............


editing that part out >_>

LUCID

*I became lucid while looking at my smart phone. I then decide to search nepal on youtube. I scrolled the videos until I saw something that appeared interesting. I clicked the video and these monks were on an island surrounded about circle of skulls practicing ritual. For some reason I became scared and I woke up.

*I hear the mantra om mani padme hum and found my self at a scared place. There were alot of people there practicing this mantra. This place was made out of rock as if were on the side of a mountain. There were also holes in the this mountain filled with warm water. Each hole could only fit one person. I believe these were there to enhance practice.

1am-6am

this dream takes place in the apartment. i have just bought a new pair of jeans. buying these jeans enters you into a contest: the contest details are written on a pink leather square on the back of the jeans. i show the jeans to my mother and she becomes incredibly angry, screaming at me that the jeans are awful and i am stupid for wasting my money on them. i try to reason with her but she continues to furiously berate me.

i later had a lucid dream in which i was able to exert control over the environment -- although i have lucid dreams quite regularly they are typically very short & i am not able to control anything... this dream was different. sadly, i don't recall it too well.
i was inside of a house. something about the environment tipped me off that it could be a dream, so i performed a reality check. it was successful, so i ran outside of the house (rubbing my hands to stabilize the dream -- i remember i looked at my hands once and they looked normal, which i've never experienced dream before) into an autumnal forest area with many elaborate fountains scattered around. the fountains were all turned off but i was able to will them to begin flowing. i felt an invigorating rush of power. this is the first time i've been able to change the environment in a LD and makes me optimistic for my dream control in the future.

7am-9:30 am

i am in an unfamiliar house with three teenage boys and an older woman. at one point i ask the woman what the boys think of me. she tells me i disgust them with my insecurity. i have a breakdown and begin crying. i think i might have to go to the mental hospital.

later i dream that i am playing sims 3. there is a new item, a box that your sim can crawl into. when you click on it there is an option to "enter the dread cave". i choose this option: my sim enters and does not come back. the scene then switches from observing a video game to being inside of a real life scene. the box has turned into a kennel and there is a small black dog here. i put the dog into the kennel but it escapes somehow. i talk with someone about this and we somehow make the dog want to be locked in the kennel.

#159 - 5:58AM - WILD

I am labeling this one as WILD though it could have been DILD. I debated on this but it's my thought process of wondering if its just heavy HI or a full dream that did it for me. Either way a LD is a LD who cares what the first two letters are.

I had high insomnia this time and my son kept waking me out of several nearly successful WILDs. So from about 4 to well after 5:30 it was just me going back and forth. I did have heavy SP about 4:15 but I heard my wife come back in the room and I knew that as soon as she hit the bed I would be jarred out of it. Sure enough. I sort of DEILDed back in SP by focusing on the back of my neck. The vibrations slowly started up like a car having engine trouble. Then I noticed my left arm was in an awkward position so I moved it and the vibrations died way down. It still didn't feel right so I risked losing it completely by rolling over. That did it. Done. Hhhmmm. Maybe it was REM atonia that second time since I as able to move. Anyway, the actual LD was really fun but I got really dumb and derped the hell out of it. Oh well, no TOTY this night.

I am walking across a familiar street. It looks like 20th and I'm heading toward the Price Cutter in my neighborhood. I see a classic Ford truck heading towards me and I stop in the middle of the lane as if to challenge the driver.



First I think, Is this HI or a full dream? I don't think I care. As the truck gets closer I think it will probably pass through me. Then, I have doubts and briefly worry that this might be real. I try to jump over the truck at the last minute but instead of clearing it my feet plant on the grill and I can clearly see a modern day Ford symbol on the front of the hood.

The driver never slows down and my feet are stuck to the grill. I am standing on it at an impossible 45 degree angle. I let out a "WHOOOOHOOOOO!" and decided to carjack this fool so I turn around and start beating on the windshield. I notice the reflection of an overcast sky on the smooth glass and notice the dim sun behind all the clouds. I peer inside past the reflection and see the driver looks a lot like Hershel from The Walking Dead.



He's yelling something and waving me away. Probably telling me to get the hell off his truck. I punch the glass to break it but it feels solid and only cracks a little. I punch again and again. I fell like my hand should hurt but it doesn't. I examine it and all seems fine. I decide to try it from a different angle and leap over the cab into the bed. I punch the back glass only to get the same effect. Then I realize I am doing all wrong. It's like phasing. The glass isn't there. I punch again and am surprised that the glass really is gone now. The only problem is that the opening is too small to fit through. I use my right hand and grab Hershel by his shirt and pull him back hard. I use my left hand and fumble around for the button to open the driver side door. Once I get it open I let go with my right hand and reach in with my left to yank him out of the truck. We're still moving pretty fast and Hershel eats asphalt. I don't bother looking back as I jump in and get behind the wheel.

Feeling triumphant, I shout and scream as loud as I can. "WOOOOOHOOOOO! HELL YEAH! HEEEEEEHEEEEEEE!" I punch the petal to the floor and go as fast as I can. I notice that I am now on a country road with lush green pasture land and no other cars. The green is so vivid and bright that its completely surreal. I enjoy the hell out of it.

Soon I notice some MODOT signs. But instead of the usual "Buckle up. MODOT cares" bullshit, I see numbers. One sign says 160 then another says 180. Is that my speed or the speed limit? I look down at the speedometer and the needle is well over 200mph. Funny. It doesn't look like I am going that fast.



Now I feel kind of bored and start thinking about tasks. I remember that I wanted to do the China TOTY but can't figure out how to get there. I feel trapped in this truck and start thinking way too hard how to change the dream. This where I feel so stupid. In the Angles Falls dream I drove there in a truck. In the Rome dream I created a wormhole. I thought of none of this.

My deep contemplation dissolves the dream and I have a false awakening. I look over to grab my Galaxy Player and DJ but I see Stella my cat is in the room next to the bed. The cats aren't supposed to be in the room so I reach over and slap her on the back. I immediately feel bad because I think I hit her really hard. I hear her take off running on the hardwood. I can hear her thumping around from one end of the house to the other and back in the room. Ok this is kind of ridiculous. I get suspicious and reach over to slap again. I don't hit anything but I pay close attention to my movement and the feel of it.

I'm still dreaming. I look over and see Rocky from work. He has a device in his hands and wants me to tell him how to enter a dream in his DJ. I look at it but the app is unfamiliar. Then I lose my vision. I try to walk him through it from memory but I realize I don't even know what I am saying. I give up and say, "I don't know, man. I am still dreaming." He goes away.

I roll over to my back. I feel weak and my body seems really heavy like gravity is too strong. I say out loud, "I am still dreaming. I can't do it." Remember the classic Ford. Don't forget the dream. Classic Ford. I worry that I will fall non-lucid and forget all of this. I wonder if I am talking in my sleep but realize I always wonder that. Still, I wait for my wife to move or wake up but nothing. I reach up in front of me and clap really hard. It feel numb. Then, for some reason, I wonder if I can summon my cat again. I think I can feel one of her front paws in my hand but it feels imagined more than summoned. I let go. I feel stuck in this dream and I really just want to make an entry in my DJ. It's all I can think about now.OK I want to wake up now and DJ

I roll over and with great effort I get up on one elbow. I have my GP in my hand but I can't see. I just need open my eyes but they wont open. I push the unlock button and put the GP up to my face to see if I can see at least some light. Nothing. I start to freak out a little now. I try to pry my eyes open with my fingers but its like I have eye lids but no opening. Its all one piece of loose flesh. I feel frantic now and I poke around noticing there is no eyeball at all.

"I am still dreaming." My voice sounds hoarse and sickly now. "I am still dreaming." I want to wake up. Jesus. Help me. A second later my physical eyes open.

I know I was confused and it was turning nightmarish but, Damn what a fool. I should have use the lucid time for something better than trying to DJ. I just always have a fear that I will forget the dream and it gets really distracting. I've go to learn to relax and not worry so much about that.

This was the night before the agents thing. As I fell asleep I was counting from 100 to 1, telling myself I would become lucid this night. Most likely I lost consciousness before counting 50 and I don't remember anything below 80-75 but that's where the power of this lies, you take the affirmations down with you as you fall asleep and switch to your dreaming brain.

In the first scene was in the waiting room to get on an airplane (seems weird but that's what I remember, although I don't remember any planes or destinations) and I only remember women. I was there for about 30 minutes I guess and I guess you can already guess what was going through my mind :lol: I didn't get it though.. The girls weren't willing :( Perhaps I wasn't aware of my dream strong enough to do whatever I want

The next scene I was in a shop. I don't know what I did there but as I got out I decided to try to put my thumb through my hand. 2nd or 3rd try it worked and I got excited. It bursted the clarity of the dream for a second but it didn't do much more. I don't know if I remember the task from the comptetion (#11) or from the stabilizition class but I put my hand through a wall, it worked. Then I went inside myself but then everything went black and I lost consciousness. I didn't wake up immediatly, I probably slept a couple of hours after that, at least it felt like that. Going through my hand or the wall didn't really feel like anything, as if they were just holograms.

Sweet dreams

I remember 3 dreams, one of them I didn't bother to write down, the other one I wrote down after sleeping for 1.5 hour and waking up again so it was reduced to fragments. After waking up from the extra 1.5 hour of sleep I remember this one. It's too exciting but it is for the competition points, here it goes:
We're in a pool outside. Not swimming, just sitting outside of the water. There is a black man and a sexy woman with me and also a kid. I think we were secret agents looking for some information or something on someone. Me and the woman went swimming (there is something here I forgot) and there was a line of grey/whitish stuff and I asked what it was, she said it was jelly, and that it lived there. I remember talking and asking around for the thing we were looking for but no details on that. When we got out of the water 3 or 4 people surrounded us and tried to intimidate/challenge us because the thing we were looking for was dangerous or something? Nothing happened here, I wasn't afraid because I was lucid and I could beat them up easily, they let us alone after about 10 seconds. In this dream I wasn't very aware that I was dreaming because I didn't dare to have my way with the woman.. I didn't think about doing an RC either, I was just kind of aware that it was dream. It was not particularly vivid or vague, I remember it like it would normally look like in real life. Only weird thing is that Ii don't remember seeing the faces of the woman and the black guy.

For those who read my previous DJ entry, that was my most exciting night in a long time (I'm talking about dreams here..) so don't be disappointed if the rest of the entries are boring.

Cheers

my crow was outside its open-air cage. I began to think what to do, but crow itself flew to the cage through the grating. I was very surprice and count fingers - six - i flew away and easy remembered what i should do the day after tomorrow in real life. Then i don't know why began to remember something important, but couldn't. darkness, false awaking.