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I had a dream that I was in New York walking down the streets. I went into an old building and something turned me into something that I can only describe as the thing that appears after you kill a small allegator in Donkey Kong 64. I then ended up at my house and I was mostly normal again but when I looked at my hands I was missing two fingers. I looked away and willed them back into existance and I then knew that I was dreaming. I went into a dark room in my house and I attempted to create a wormhole that leads to the beach but it didn't work. After that I tried to turn the light on but it didn't work and I then remembered that lightswitches don't work very well in dreams. I went outside to my backyard and I looked at what used to be a forest but now there was a large building. I flew to try to get to the lake that I saw in a preivious lucid dream but the dream ended in midflight.

This dream starts off with me hanging out in what seems to be a type of cabin room with what appears to be some friends of mine, and one of my nephews. As they talk, I look around the room and notice that we have several skillets, a sword, and some kind of gun. I then walk out of the room with my nephew. Just as we reach the center of what seems to be a large, desert-like area surrounded by several cabins, an alarm sounds off.

Automatically I recognize this as the sound signaling the beginning of a zombie apocalypse. My nephew and I run back to our cabin to pick up the things I took notice of earlier, but we can't get through a large crowd of panicking people, and our cabin has been looted by the time we reach it. Angry at the gall of the people, we race back out to see my mom, dad, and sister in what seems like a mix between a Hummer, a four-wheeler, and a bulldozer. They toss us weapons: I get a couple of pistols and a metal spear, and my nephew gets a rifle and a Katana. We jump onto the back of the exterior of the vehicle and begin killing zombies as we drive by.

Suddenly the scene changes to what seems like an Italian Renaissance era (think Assassin's Creed 2/Brotherhood), and I have just stabbed the final surviving zombie through the head with my spear. Some buzzer goes off like I've just won a game show, and the scene changes again.

This time, I'm a 3rd person view. I'm looking at a young guy in a lab, who's probably in his 20's. From witnessing the scene, I'm able to make out that he has recreated the zombie strain and plans to put it in food to re-create the apocalypse to gain access to something, as he will have the only vaccine. He laughs a typical maniacal laugh, and I wake up.

Good morning, everybody. I slept about 12 hours last night, in hopes of getting over my cold. I recall three dreams from last night. They're all pretty fragmented, and I'm not even exactly sure what order they came in.

Dream #1

I stood out on some concrete balcony or ledge (like at the head of a concrete wheelchair ramp) a couple meters higher than the road. It was daytime, and I was in a big town, in some area that looked like SoHo in NYC. The streets were cobblestone. The place was empty.

I was looking across the street to a place that looked like a bank next door to a fast food restaurant. I was playing around on my phone. I was trying to look into my bank account to see how much money I had. I may have been out on some trip to a different city or country, and I may have been trying to figure out exactly how much more money I could spend on this trip.

But I couldn't remember the name of my bank. I went over the names of banks (probably not real names) in my head without locating the name of my bank.

At some point I may have figured out the name of the bank, only to discover, contrary to my previous insistence, that it was precisely the bank across the street from me.

I now noticed that there were a lot of cosplayers going into the fast food restaurant next door to the bank. I was curious about these cosplayers.

I was now in the fast food restaurant. The place was packed with cosplayers. Some of them may actually have been dressed up as clowns, like Ronald McDonald, rather than being in cosplay.

Dream #2

I had come down to Mexico with my mom. I was now walking around town by myself. It was daytime, a warm day. I walked down a quiet, narrow street.

I probably went into one store, the floor for which was at the bottom of a few short steps. I may have walked around in the store for a few minutes.

I was now back in the house where my mom was. It was like a house that belonged to "one of our family members" in Mexico. I was in a completely empty bedroom. It may have been later in the night or early the next morning.

My mom came into the bedroom and sat down across from me on the floor. She insinuated that some people had mistaken me for a narc while I'd been walking around the city. Now I was kind of in trouble with these people.

My mom told me, "They say here that a narc is like a dog on a leash, except they say he has a coat-hanger attached, too."

This saying gave me a picture in my head like a chalkboard drawing of a sillhouette-man walking a sillhouette-dog on a leash. The dog also had a coat-hanger sticking up from its back.

I understood the "coat-hanger" to be a symbol for the nice clothes that narcs wore (???).

My mom and I were now downstairs in the living room, which was also empty. My mom told me we had to be very careful now, walking around town, as all these drug dealers would now be looking out for us.

I wondered why on earth people would think I was a narc. I knew that if I even slightly resembed a narc, I wouldn't be coming down to Mexico at this point in time.

But now I remembered that "the cousin of mine," whom my mom and I were down here to visit, actually was a narc. So even if the drug dealers figured out I wasn't a narc, I'd still be hunted down and under suspicion for visiting a known narc.

I now wondered why in the hell my mom had chosen to come down here at this point, when all this dangerous stuff was going on.

Dream #3

I stood behind a tall, thin, young man. The man had a pale complexion and red-brown hair in a squarish, tall haircut. He wore a grey jacket. We may have been in some kind of small, crowded room, having just finished some kind of meeting for young adults.

The young man spoke, and for some reason I said aloud that it was obvious the man was Scottish, given his accent and his manner of expression.

The man turned around. Rather than being annoyed with me, he seemed to assume my observation meant that I had something in common with him.. He asked me what I was.

I said, "All three," which the man took to mean Irish, English, and Scottish (???).

The man said, "Oh, right, right. I wonder why they don't say all four and include the Welsh?"

I responded (or tried to respond?) with the thought that perhaps they were separated by language (???), so that everybody thought of the Welsh as different from "the other three."

(Note, December 13th: I forgot to mention that in waking life I've been reading The Judge, by Rebecca West. Rebecca West is a writer who was active from the 1920s through the 1980s. She's really cool. One thing that really struck me about her is that she is Irish and English on her father's side and Scottish on her mother's side. I took this "Irish-English-Scottish" aspect of West and identified myself with it -- for some reason -- in the third dream.)

Two nighs ago I had this dream: I was in a terminal, with a group of people from church. The lights went down and a thingy came down and a video started for 30 seconds Superman was shown flying there was an overvoice but I forgot what it said. After the video was done, the lights came back on and Tom Baker's Doctor Who came in and said "Superman Kidnapped". Then we went different places trying to find clues. The only clue we find was a glove from the Victorian era-but I dimissed that idea-since Superman only appeared in the late 1920 and early 1930.

Dream 1-- Dinosaur at school

This dream is a recurring theme that I have noticed. Before, I had a dream in my house that I was being pursued by a T-rex. It was following me and leaving a path a wreckage behind. Somehow, I managed to trick it and found the time to exit the front door. The dream didn't stop there, I could see and hear the dinosaur continuing to wreck the house from the inside while I was safe outside. There were other dreams involving me getting chased to no end, but this dinosaur figure has been the most prominent and I think it suggests the helpless feeling my repressed "anima" has. I'll explain the dream and then get more into the hypothesis.

So I'm on this beautiful campus, which isn't really campus but is large, filled with people, and has tall buildings, walking around and minding my own business. I don't know how it started, but as I look behind me, there is this T-rex that is chasing me. I become immediately scared and start to run. The T-rex is this huge black/dark green figure and it's growls are more like screeches. No one else on campus seems to notice me running for my life or the giant dinosaur that is chasing me. I am mostly running on concrete, dodging these tall glass buildings that the dinosaur either runs into or just avoids.

As I come to a clearing, I realize it is a nice day. There is a giant grassy quad with a singular building at the end of it. I decide to make a run for it. I see people scattered around, but that doesn't concern me. I don't think to tell anyone or look at anybody because I'm too scared. I don't think to ask for help. I run along this pathway that leads straight to the front doors, which are tall glass doors with metal bars that you pull to open. There is a man wearing all white and a white hat standing at what seems like the front desk for a hotel. It's this pristine marble counter that glistens in the sun. The guy looks at me and smiles, but I have no time. I start running up this ramp made out of the same marble. There are silver bars one either side but I just disregard them.

As I am running up what appears to be a square-like spiral, I have this sense that I have a "mini-map" function in my head. I can sense where the dinosaur is in relation to me and I can tell where other people are. I can see all of this in a little icon that is similar to the one in WoW. Sprinting, I get more and more nervous as I see this green circle approaching my location. When I get to the top of the ramps, there is just a platform high above the ground. I look out to the quad where I started, and I see the dinosaur starting to head my way and the people walking around not even noticing. I panic and start to have an enormous feeling of dread. Not only did all my efforts fail, they ended up trapping me in this huge glass death box that now I can't escape from. Although I put myself up high, I separated myself from everyone and now I am forced to face the dinosaur without any chance of escape.

This dream says a lot to me about my subconscious and how it feels. The dinosaur represents my tyrannical parents, whose influence had to be avoided by my ego. My ego was running and running, overlooking other people and not explaining the problem to anybody because it seemed like they don't care or want to know, they are all occupied with their own lives. It finds this tall building, perhaps the salvation promised by reason and study and self-reflection. As I enter the building, I see this man in white who is smiling at me. This symbol is perhaps the key feature that will unlock whatever problem this dream represents. He could be a Dream Guide figure, who will know exactly how to stop the monster and save me from the pursuit or he could represent the character I want to achieve through the house of reason. I want to be this pure figure to other people, who smiles and is like the hotel clerk. So I struggle (seen by climbing up the ramps) to keep this facade and build up this persona, but the dinosaur knows exactly where I am and this persona actually ends up leading to an easier demise because I cannot escape. Interestingly, the building is made out of glass, so I can see out of it and look at the other people who are free, but I can also see the dinosaur. Perhaps this glass structure represents my own ability to see my dilemma clearly. I have a "window into the soul" so to speak. I feel like this dream indicates my need for either a dream guide or more serious self-reflection on my childhood. This dinosaur figure is truly bothersome and would require me to man up and become a hero in order to defeat it.

Dream 2-- DotA revamped

I used to play this game on Warcraft III for the PC called Defense of the Ancients. I don't feel like explaining it in any detail. Anyway, the game starts from the player setup and the graphics are amazing. The loading screen is a series of accented letters, such as several forms of A, one with a squiggly above it, one with a circle, etc., and these letters are accompanied by sound effects and a glow on the screen. The game starts, and I am dark green. I don't know how to play this version at all because it is totally new and revamped. The controls are the same, but the hero selection and item choices are all different. Once again, instead of asking people for help, I just try and figure out the entire landscape on my own.

I first scroll through the players and see what color I am, which is indicated by a blue x in a rectangle of dark green. Everyone else on my team has picked their hero at this point. Suddenly, on my screen I am presented with a huge list of possible choices for a hero. I decide to pick shiney because I feel like I know exactly who that is from my previous experience playing in the old version and I want to be sneaky for the first part of the game and figure out what's going on.

My hero appears as a zergling, along with everyone else's, and I go through the various shops to try and buy items. I only get to buy two things that seem rather irrelevant, and I am forced to go into my lane (which is the top lane) because the creeps have spawned. As I walk up, I am prepared for battle, and I know an enemy hero will be coming. I only get to my first tower when I run into the opponent and a massive swarm of creeps. He uses some form of poison cloud and it instantly kills me. I respawn really fast, run back up and then get attacked by all the creeps, who surround me and claw at me until I die again. As I am dead, I pan around the map to my allies to see what items they bought. I click on blue, and see he has a trinket that makes him invulnerable to poison (which would have been helpful) and five other items. He is killing the creeps with efficiency and not dying at all. There is also red but I don't have time to click on him.

When I quit, I come back into "reality" (which is still a dream) of looking at my computer which I shut off. I am not in the usual location that I would play my computer. I am in the upstairs library of my house facing a window. Suddenly, I get a pang of nervousness and anxiety that I haven't done any of my homework that I should have been doing and have been procrastinating. I walk to my room, which is right next door, and fall on my comfy bean bag chair. I look at a folder, but don't actually get anything done. I wake up.

Dream 3-- Classes and Mr. Gunin

I'm back on this campus with glass buildings, but there is no dinosaur. Instead, it seems like I'm going to and from classes, entering and leaving different buildings and talking to different people. As I walk into this one class, we watch an episode of south park on a screen. I go into PassObs and get enveloped in the show as I watch it, but I can't remember exactly what the episode was about. Suddenly, I am walking out of the glass building. I am outside on top of a small concrete passageway between two glass buildings. It appears as if it just rained due to the slippery and reflective nature of the ground. I decide to untuck my shirt and untie my shoes because I am dressed pretty formally. I have a dark blue button-down, grey pants and a dark belt, and dress shoes. As I walk through the next door, I see three of my friends, who run up and start talking to me.

They ask me about class, and I tell them we watched south park. They ask what episode, and it occurs to me that I don't remember specifically but I still try and explain it because I have a feeling that I will know what to say. I am stuttering horribly, however, and can't even recall the names of the different characters. I am consciously trying to recall them, and I can see pictures of their faces in my head even in my dream! I decide the one dressed in orange with the green hat is named Kyle, and I start to explain how the four boys were skiing. One of my friends takes the cue and asks if it was the episode where, and he goes on a long explanation of the episode. I don't know exactly but I am like yea that's totally it.

I start to walk away, and I am walking to the left of a nice looking lounge area. There is a black couch and two black leather chairs all facing a table and all on top of a carpet. As I am about to exit the building, I see Mr. Gunin walking on the other side of the door because it's made of glass. I become really self-conscious that my shirt is untucked and my shoes are untied because Mr. Gunin was the head of upper school and would hand out detentions for uniform violations. He smiles and says Hey Jay Max, his usual greeting and walks through the door. I go into PassObs thinking about how stupid I must look and whether I should fix my clothing.

Dream 3 (Fragment)-- New Dorm Room

I'm walking around this new dorm room, that is much larger than the one I am currently in and honestly looks nothing like this one. There is a bunk bed on the far left of the room, and I apparently sleep on the top bunk. I walk around just noticing different things. The floor is carpeted, there is an opening to another room that seems to lack furniture and is just an open space with window light shining through. As I walk toward my bed, I notice that there is a list of questions on a laminated sheet of paper hanging from my bed. These questions are review questions for the final exam that basically ask everything that was on the test. I get really mad/sad thinking that if this was here the whole time I would have easily passed the test so I must be stupid for overlooking this and I try to convince myself that there is no way that could have been there because I would have seen it. This internal debate makes me go PassObs and I wake up.

Dream 4-- I'm Bo Yo

I hear the song I'm Bo Yo being sung by Bo Burnham in my head. I am on the backstair case of my house. As I am looking at the wall, I see a framed piece of paper that has some of the lyrics on it, but they are all wrong. As I listen to the song he sings, I try to sing along, thinking I know what he is going to say, but he actually comes up with either an entirely new rhyme or I'm just stupid. Not being able to sing along brings me into PassObs and I drift out of the dream.

Dream 5-- Jerusalem Mystery

This dream was really long and complex. It was almost as if me and my dad were in a movie together and we were solving the crime as it was happening. This would make sense because my dad, whenever we watch movies, will always lean towards me and tell me exactly what he thinks will happen in the next scene or who the bad guy is or some other prediction, and it always annoys me how often he is right. I just sit and watch while he solves the crime. My passive role appears clearly in this dream, where we are going from place to place trying to collect clues and evidence, but my dad is doing all the work while I just watch and follow along.

The plot of the dream was really cool. We were detectives trying to solve the crime of a million dollars being stolen. I don't remember the whole dream due to it's length, but there is this one location in the dream that occurred twice. We are standing on this wooden dock, looking out at this lake, and there is various baggage floating on top of the water. It's a weird occurrance, but we don't know what to do about it. As we gather more evidence, we realize that the criminal is trying to blow up this city and escape to Jerusalem with his million dollars, which are locked away securely in those pieces of luggage!

We immediately return to the luggage and jump in the water, but we have to tread shallowly because we know that there are bombs directly underneath us. As we near the baggage, I blink and suddenly everything changes. In front of me is another dock, which I get on top of soaking wet. I am on a floating platform a little bit above the water, and I see my dad standing on the actual pier which is separated by a ladder. I climb the ladder, and walk down the pier, but realize I don't know where I am anymore. I look back to the platform on the water, and see that there are two people on it now, N. Whit and a girl. I walk back over and try to climb down the ladder, when I realize I am no longer wearing a shirt. Climbing down is really hard, but I manage it and once I reach the bottom the dream ends.

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In my dream last night I was at another rather large and weird apartment complex with a bunch of people running around. Right before bed I had watched Far and Away so it was like people were running to claim apartments. I walked into one with my boyfriend. His friends happened to be inside. Some were people I know and others were friends, he said, but I'm not really sure who any of these people were. It appeared that they were all living in this apartment.

I'm shy as it is so I felt pretty uncomfortable around a bunch of people I don't really know. I sat down and Mike, the friend I do know and house/cat sat with my boyfriend a few weeks ago, kinda looked at me and said I shouldn't be here. I looked puzzled and he said that he and Allie hated me and didn't ever want to see me again.

I started to panic because the rest of the people in the house began to look at me like I was unwanted. I ran to a room and started to redress, or so it seemed, and pack to leave. My boyfriend who generally takes a while to leave was walking around and I thought as long as I got all our stuff there would be nothing to cause him to wait any longer.

As I was gathering up my things I saw a letter sitting on the night stand in what was supposed to be Mike and Allies room. It was addressed to me and I could sort of see through it. I saw the words 'I cant believe you did that. You are never allowed here again'.

As I was leaving I woke up.

WTF?
Recall: 9/10
Sleep: Good
Sleep Position: Left Side (Right Brain)

Tim and I are in a car with Jennifer at the wheel. She might be drunk, because her driving is atrocious. She's hitting everything, parked cars, buildings, moving cars, and cutting a swath of destruction across the town.

We finally come to a stop after careening off several moving vehicles. As we sit there a little dazed, one of the drivers from a car we just hit comes up to us and tries to open the door. I lock them before he can. He goes around to the other side of the car where there is an open window. I yell at Tim to take the wheel, and punch out the guy trying to get in through the window. Then we floor it and get out of there.

We make our escape and end up back in Jeniffer's driveway, where she begins to perform what appears to be oral sex on my knee. I point this out to Tim who just shrugs, and I go with it, unzipping and giving her something to suck on. As she sucks me, I notice a cake with sky blue icing beside me and begin to gorge myself with cake as I'm being pleasured. Tim drops his shorts as well, and we let her take turns on us while we laugh and eat cake.

We all go inside, and some other guy starts having sex with Jennifer right in front of us. I turn my head for a moment, and when I look back, Jennifer now has an infant's body. An infant's body that still looks old and rather satanic. She says how the guy loves her as he pull out and finishes in her mouth, and she gobbles it up greedily.

This scene has gotten a little too weird and disgusting for me, so I turn to leave. Before I go, I see Jennifer's evil infant like body has turned green, and it looks like her skin is just a water balloon full of slime. This infection spreads across the floor and infects a guy in front of the stairs, blocking my exit. I'm afraid to touch him in case it spreads to me, and now can't get out.

The bloated green bodies turn brown in some spots and shrivel up like a raisin, making them even more grotesque. But luckily, the shriveling means they can no longer stand up, and I'm able to get past the guy blocking the stairs and leave.

As I leave the house, I see people arriving dressed in costumes. It's a costume party there. A truck drives up but crashes, and the driver is impaled on a spear from the Halloween display in the neighbours front lawn. The crashed truck disappears and reappears, crashing again, and again the driver gets speared. Over and over this happens, each time a different crash resulting in the same speared driver. On a couple of occasions, the driver stops and tries to spear me, so I grab a spear and throw it through his throat.

I finally get far enough away to leave all this madness behind.

This dream I had last night was really convincing. It was Christmas in the dream and everyone in my family was there, (well by that I mean my mom, dad, sister, and brothers...) and the only thing that seemed weird was that my older brother had long hair and he didn't seem to care at all that it was Christmas. That should have made my do a RC but again, I didn't. Ugh. Then I opened a present and inside was a distorted guitar stand that was just...horrid looking. It was twisted and just, yuck. That should have set me off too. But it didn't!! Well, that's all I remember at the moment...so, bye.

Ugh, it's hard to do Lucid Dreams. Especially WILD. -_-

12.12.2010

This Couldn't Be a Dream (DILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I had lived out a whole day chronologically. Been to the shops to get food, met my friends for a beer in the student's union building and gone shopping for clothes. Being in a dream was pretty far from my thoughts.

It was in the clothes shop in the evening that I began to get frustrated with the inconsistencies I was encountering. I was walking around shelves with my brother Michael. He was playing a game on his phone and not really paying attention to any of the clothes. I spotted a t-shirt I liked the look of on one of the higher shelves. It was a bit out of reach, so I went to look for something to stand on, or a shop assistant who could help. It was getting a bit dark outside, and nobody had switched on the lights in the shop, so I took it upon myself and flicked a switch beside the door. The lights flickered on. With no shop assistants in sight, I went back to the t-shirt. The shelf it was on had become a magazine rack. I screwed up my face into a "WTF" expression and turned around to find Michael where I had left him.
"What happened?" I asked.
"Wha? I dunno," he replied without looking up. I shook my head and tried to find FHM among the magazines. I thought I caught a glimpse of it, but when I did a double-take it was gone. Suddenly I wasn't sure whether I was indoors or outoors. The light had diminished, and there seemed to be woodland at the opposite end of the shop. It was getting a bit too weird. I said to my brother,
"This is exactly the sort of situation I would suspect is a dream, what the hell's going on?" After looking around a bit more I thought it couldn't hurt to reality-check. Six fingers. "Nooo way," I thought. I couldn't believe I'd been wandering around all day, going about my business and getting things done- and none of it was real. I double checked. There were now an indeterminate number of fingers on my hand.

I asked Michael how many fingers he saw on my hand, but he refused to give a decent answer. We exited the shop through the automatic door at the front, and found ourselves in an underground tube station. There was a train on the platform, which I jumped and glided over to the far side. I paused then, to try and remember some of the tasks of the year. The only one I could recall at the time was the end of the world- which I'd already done. I'm not sure what happened next, I may have woken up.

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

Good morning! Had the intentions of getting lucid last night, but it only resulted in me talking about lucid dreaming with another DV member. I did have a cool nightmare about the end of the world. Other than that, I didn't dream much...

12.00: Bedtime

09.00: DV member at a party
I'm in a car, driving through a very nice looking neighbourhood. The lawns are green, trimmed and everything looks new. I spot a barbeque with alot of people at one house. Alot of cars are parked at the sidewalk. We go for a minute or so more, and arrive at a house. Inside there's some kind of neighbour gathering of some kind. Two guys are making a welcome drink in a large bowl. One of them is my uncle. "We do it like this, 60/60. It's going to be perfect!" he tells the other guy while pouring in a whole bottle of whiskey.

I'm in the kitchen, holding a drink myself. A guy in his mid 20's is talking to a woman about lucid dreaming. "My grandma was one of the first who registered, she's 70 years old" he says. The woman doesn't seem to care. "I have been a member for 7 years now" She walks away and I realise that the guy is actually Robot_Butler "Hey, I recognise you" I say and we start talking about lucid dreaming. He tells me about a thread he's made, and I know exactly what he's talking about. "Yeah I read that just the other day" I say.

09.00: End of the world


A massive nuclear blast appears on the horizon. I'm with Monica and two other people in the middle of the desert. "You're never going to make it" one of them says. "Goodbye" I tell them and jump up on my motorcycle. Monica gets on and we take off. I accidentaly do a wheelie but I quickly regain control. Going as fast as I can, I can hear the rumble of the explosion behind us, and I know the heatwave of it will strike within seconds. I spot a rocky area up ahead and I know it will give us cover from the intense heat. We make it in time, going down a small hollow behind some rocks just as the heatwave hits. I know that's not all, there's a shockwave coming next.

Leaving the bike, we run along the rocky area. The ground starts to vibrate, and soon it's trembling. "Do you know why it's doing that?" I ask Monica. "No..." "Well, it's because one layer of ground pushes on the next, which pushes on the next and so on" I say as we start to climb a small hill of rocks next to a white seven stories building. The ground is shaking violently now and we jump down from the hill into a courtyard. There are a few buildings just like the white one around us. "We should be safe here" I say and the shockwave hits us. The ground behaves just like water would when a wave goes through it. I ride the wave. "Wohoo".

The buildings all around us starts exploding, and glass shatters everywhere. When everything clears up, I can see that none of the houses has fallen. A large hole where the entrance should be, no windows left and most of them are crooked. We walk along the road away from the buildings. We're soon walking through a dark forest. Monica stops infront of a large pine tree with a rope ladder coming down from it. We climb up the tree, and I get this panicky feeling of being last in a dark room. Something's definitely going to grab my foot any second.

Once up, everything's very dark. We're once again back in our little tree house, trying to survive in this world filled with zombies. The tree house is a small rectangular room, only 4 x 2 meters, with a small room to the right for sleeping. A table is right infront of me with all kinds of junk on it, and there's a kitchen counter behind that. I bumb into something and Monica makes a shush. We stand completely still, listening for any sound below. She hands me a pair of black large silverware. I put them away and grab my shovel instead. It's very light.

"Get away from the hatch, if they come up, they'll see you" Monica tells me. I slowly back away, keeping my eyes on the hatch. After half a minute or so, we relax once again. I wish I was back at the house we were in before, where you could sleep without feeling anxious or afraid. I know those times are over. I hate this fucking tree house. "Hand me the gun" I tell Monica. She opens a drawer, pulling out an old revolver and carefully hands it to me. "Be careful! It's loaded" she tells me. I open it up, and is relieved to see all six bullets are still there. I am careful not to let it go off.

I realise we have to get more weapons. Only six bullets and a shovel isn't going to get us anywhere. I look out the small window. The forest isn't very thick, and ends at a lake just fifty meters away. I can see two red houses by the shore. There's a town over the water, next to a harbor. I remember there being a mall there, with glass windows. A plan quickly comes in mind. I would drive by and break a window by shooting at it. Monica would sneak in while I would honk and attract all the undead. Monica asks me if she could open a can of Sprite. "Yeah go ahead" I say. She carefully opens it with a low hiss. "Does this taste old?" she asks me. I taste it. "No it doesn't"

11.00: Fragment
*A zebra lies down at a tree, and starts giving birth. I can see a huge pink thing come out from behind. It's covered in crushed up tomatoes.

Amount of sleep: 10½ hours

Supplements before bed: 2 x Omega-3

That's it! Very cool and scary dream. Had trouble falling back asleep after that one, and the last dream I had was so weird I couldn't even recall it. Well well.

Keep on dreaming, HARE BRA!

For starters, it should be noted that my mother and I have a very complicated relationship. She was rather abusive, though rarely physically. Out of the six daughters, two have cut off contact with her to protect their children. Three have become just like her. I maintained contact because I'm the last one to want to speak to our father, who Mom tries very hard to turn all of us against. They're still married, but she treats him like she used to treat us. It's a mess.

As part of this relationship, Mom pressured me to get into another abusive relationship when I turned of "marriageable age." She wanted a good, Christian son-in-law that would keep me "accountable" to God. That lasted 3 years, without marriage, before he decided that I was too masculine. I was two months from my marriage to my current husband before Mom took Fiance 1 out of the family album. This is all necessary to understand my dreams, I promise.

I used to lucid all the time, even managing an OBE a few times. I don't lucid as much anymore, and hardly ever OBE. Annoyingly, both Mom and F1 show up in my dreams far too often. When F1 used to appear, I'd wake up and my husband would be bruised and scratched from my thinking he was F1 and trying to fight him off. After a couple of years, this stopped happening, and eventually he stopped appearing. Unfortunately, last summer he contacted me again wanting to get back together. He's married, and knows that I'm married too, but... yeah... He started reappearing after that, about once a month.

Mom used to show up once or twice a month, always turning the dream into an emotional nightmare. No fear, really, just lots of pain to wake up with. Often, the dreams include a big blowout that I've been expecting for years, the one where she finally disowns me for good. Or she does something new and I start screaming all of the things I've wanted to scream for years but couldn't.

This Thanksgiving, she insisted for months beforehand that we had to come spend it with them. My husband couldn't miss his family's dinner and I didn't want to, so we spent one night. This was the first time I'd been under their roof overnight in 5 years. She was alright while Dad and Hubby were nearby, but as soon as they were gone she turned sadistic. Things so small that I couldn't really complain without looking like the bad guy, but calculated to hurt.

Since then, every dream has been entirely centered around her. I can't lucid, I can't have any dream other than dealing with her. It's been a horrible drain. I haven't been functioning awake like I used to, and at the end of the college semester that's not good. The campus shrinks are no help, the last time I went to one they decided that I was suicidal. I'm the last to know everything, aren't I?

Anyway, to the dreams. There were 2 sleeps today. The first one was the usual nocturnal, with the addition of someone who used to be in my dreams all the time but not in the last year or so, and is slowly returning: my husband! Yay!

We were all graduated, and had just moved back to Southern IL, where Hubby's family is. It's only a few miles from where I grew up, though the parents moved away long ago. We were living in a trailer in the middle of nowhere, felt about halfway between Benton and Thompsonville (Oh, Deja vu. I've dreamed about typing this before, I think... that happens often...). We had a pet duck and a monkey, for some reason. The monkey liked to play in the forests around us, and I had wild berry bushes nearby to munch from. My grandfather was alive (died over 10 years ago), and helping us get settled. We had just unpacked, and were getting everything arranged. There was something about driving on the gravel road to get there, it's very vivid... I remember, we were sad about something happening to someone close to us.

No, Granddad wasn't there, but my father-in-law was and was called Granddad, but we didn't have children yet. We were coming home in his old pickup (how I know it was him), with the news that Hubby and I were going to be taking care of a baby only a month or two old. Her parents were close to us, but something had happened and we were fostering her until they could take care of her again. In retrospect, I do note the absence of two if our RL friends who we have planned to live with after graduation and who may or may not be a couple. It may have been their baby? That would explain the "Granddad" thing, the male friend is practically another son of his.

When we get there, I have a handful of (very red, and sweet) berries and let my father-in-law taste some with me before going inside to prep an impromptu nursery. I find my mother there, she came down to help, and she begins trying to convince me to send the baby away: "You should hold her for a while before you decide. (WTF does that mean???)" "Are you really willing to donate what this baby will need?" "What baby could possibly be happy with you?" etcetera.

I try to ignore her as best I can, then leave the nursery to find myself in the house I grew up in, right outside my bedroom door. I wander over to the sofa, and see an empty binder. I don't know the binder IRL, but I know it as a makeshift photo album that used to be my school binder. Finally, staring at the binder, I tell her "I will be SO glad when you move out, you are so f***ed up!" This is the last thing I remember before waking up.

My husband works graves, so we rarely get to share the bed. After a few hours, I took a couple of Benadryls to sedate me and went back to bed. I had just watched Inception, and found this site, and wanted to see if I could lucid. Benadryl has a hallucinatory effect on me, but I don't want sleeping pills in the house. I'm depressive, and it just doesn't seem safe, you know? Silly me, should have used mugwort.

I remember my older sister, Mary (One of the Mom clones), living with her boyfriend Tom. I was with Mom, Dad, and my little sister, Shawna (Another clone, but much more sympathetic) visiting her. They lived to the north of my hometown, a couple of hours away. I think Salem, but it was a ritzy subdivision in the woods. She can't afford that IRL. I think the car we were driving was the green Taurus station wagon, which we got rid of in... '99? But I was an adult in this dream, married though Hubby was elsewhere at the time. I think he was back south with his family.

We stopped at a gas station I've seen many, many times in my dreams since I was young, a mini-truck stop. I don't know it IRL, but now it was in Mount Vernon and we'd stopped there many times over the years. Now I know where in my dream geography it is. We stopped to eat, a greasy spoon diner, where Mom made all sorts of jabs at me that I don't remember while Dad stared at his food and Shawna tried to ease the snarks by laughing back at Mom.

I left the table, seeing a newspaper headline that Mary had bitten Tom and the police were looking for her. I bring the paper to the table, saying that it must have happened after we left (though how the paper was printed that fast is kind of screwy), and I see Mom holding up a half-empty foot-tall salt shaker shaped like a juice bottle. She yells "Your salt intake is high! You're pregnant aren't you?" She's ecstatic, but making fun of it in front of the whole diner. I finally snap, and start telling her off that my cycle ended a week ago (not irl, of course), I hadn't had sex since then, and if I WERE pregnant it would be none of her business and she wouldn't be involved in any way. There's more yelling, and I wake up.

So, I joined this forum so I could get some feedback on a very unusual dream. I often dream lucidly and on some occasions (when I do dream lucidly) I begin to act out violent things I would never do. I try to force myself intimately on any woman I see. They do not try to fight me off or object in anyway, however their bodys become stiff and unresponsive and it becomes difficult. As I am trying to force myself on them I realize I have no penis so I cant really engage in forced intercourse. But in any case I usually continue even though I cannot manage to dream up a penis for myself. In these dreams I do want to act violently but I realize I am dreaming and not really hurting anyone.
In my waking life I am a very outgoing agreeable and often passive lesbian. I do not fight or maliciously try and hurt people and I have never sexually assaulted another living thing though I have been myself( before I'd ever had the dreams). My guilt has always kept me from making harmfull and careless disissions, and when I was young these dreams made me feel horrible. But I have come appreciate them and accept that I have them. I guess I would like to hear what others think of this since I will never tell my friends.

Awake, Non-lucid, Lucid, [Commentary made while awake]

[Another really long entry, but it's a really good one this time. Sorry for taking up so much page space again.]

I'm on the playground of my elementary school. It's dusk, and there are lots and lots of kids and teenagers on the playground, some playing games, others just milling around. I see one group of kids playing something that they call tackle football; it involves one person on the team holding a bowl of green beans and others holding and occasionally eating spoonfuls of the green beans, while the entire team moves around the field. Curious about the game they're playing, I approach the group.

“Are those green beans?” I ask.

“Yes,” someone in the group says.

The group spreads out a little, and I see that two of the people in it are P. and Thomas[, who first appeared in my dream dated December 7]. The instant I see him, I know for sure that I'm dreaming. “Thomas?” I say, looking at him. He acknowledges me. I'm pleasantly surprised to see him again, and amazed at how completely real all the people around me look. Throughout the rest of this dream, I make a special effort to pay attention to the environment around me, including paying attention to the physical sensations of touching things whenever I can. I'm aware that if I don't, they'll stop existing and fade away.

I start wandering through the playground, heading back toward the school buildings. P. and Thomas are following me. It's now fully dark, but the playground is still crowded. I end up on the sidewalk of the street that runs along the south side of the school and passes the kindergarten before the dreamscape shifts on me.

I don't notice the shift itself, but I find myself walking through the streets of a charming, slightly old-fashioned downtown with square, orderly blocks. There's no one else around. I stop and turn around, attempting to summon P. and/or Thomas by expecting them to be there. It doesn't work; I'm all alone. I shrug and continue exploring. As I had in the previous scene, I continue to notice and marvel at how vivid, detailed, and realistic the environment around me is. Everything looks and feels exactly like reality, yet I know perfectly well that I'm dreaming. I can even feel the asphalt and pavement under my feet. [It didn't occur to me until I had woken up and was lying there, recalling my dream, that I must have looked pretty funny wandering around in public places with no shoes on. ] I remember one of my lucid goals and attempt to walk through a wall into one of the shops. I try it twice, but it doesn't work either time; I'm not surprised at all to discover that the wall is just as solid and “real” as everything else in this dream world. As I continue walking, I think, Wow, this dream is really stable and seems to be going on for a long time. What should I do here? Oh, yeah – the Task of the Month is to hit a DC with a snowball. I'll have to go find a snowball. But there is no snow in this setting, and the weather is clear and bright.

I pass a small shop front on a street corner, with a red brick facade and a walk-up window where you can buy things. I recognize the woman inside as Lisa D., a real-life friend. I stop and talk to her. I say, “Lisa, do you happen to know where I might find a snowball?” She invites me to come into the shop through the door on the side. I stand just outside the door. [I don't know why; recall is a little vague here.] The small shop is actually a short truck, which is backed up to the brick facade with the window in it with its back cargo door open, forming the interior space. Lisa starts up the truck and starts driving it away from the facade and along the street. I walk quickly along with it for a little way, holding on to the frame of the open, narrow door on the side and keeping pace with it. Then I step up into the truck through the doorway and ride in it. I say aloud, “I could float along with the truck, but when the truck is moving, why make the effort?” I vaguely remember another person being in the doorway with me, but if so, I don't know who it was.

I ride inside the truck as it drives up into the mountains. While sitting in the truck, I hold onto the handle of a plastic bucket, feeling the sensation to ensure the dream remains stable. The truck takes me to a town on a mountaintop. I'm on or near a different, fenced-in school playground [I think; again, my recall isn't very good here.] I can see buildings on the tops of nearby hills, and I think I catch a glimpse of a patch of snow on a distant hilltop, but I'm not sure.

[I think] The scene shifts again, and I'm walking around on the campus of a community college. [Day residue; I walked back and forth across my real community college campus several times yesterday.] There's no one else around. This community college campus has slightly more traditional-looking architecture than my real one does, has a different layout, and there are more plants around and they're more mature, making the campus greener than my real one. This is a pretty campus, I think. I'm still admiring how vivid and "real" my surroundings are as I explore them, and I'm still looking for snow, but not finding any.

[Dreamskip? Another scene shift? I'm not sure, but the next thing I remember is that] I'm walking through the interior of a large, recreational building. I'm in a spacious, high-ceilinged indoor space with two swimming pools in it, a large, deep one and a smaller, shallower one, at right angles to each other. There are people in this room, many of them kids, walking around, swimming, and getting into and out of the pools. In one corner of the room is the entrance to a child-care room, which is full of brightly pastel-colored play equipment with little kids playing on it. It's separated from the room with the pools by glass walls. One of the glass walls has sticky gel letters on the inside of it, so that they look backward from outside the room. I can still read them backward, though. When I first look at them, I read them as “Children Sno” and think, Yay, snow! Then I approach the room for a closer look and realize that I've misread them; they say “Children Glo.” I leave the room, walking on the path between the narrow end of the larger pool and the longer side of the smaller pool. As I walk, I complain aloud: “There's no snow here! I mean, I know I've lived in Southern California all my life, but come on! Can't I have some imagination?” [I was complaining about the fact that, even though I wanted to complete the Task of the Month, my mind wasn't creating any snow in my dream world. The explanation I came up with for this observation was that I've never spent a winter in an area where it snows, so my mind can't re-create snow very easily, because I've only experienced it in real life a couple of times, so I don't know what it's like very well.]

Outside the recreational building, there's a courtyard or patio where a large group of people are having a celebration or reception. I walk among them without speaking to anyone. No one takes any notice of me. There are folding tables with paper tablecloths and lots of food set out on them, including oatmeal cookies. [I wish I'd thought to try one! This was the first time I've had the chance to try dream food while lucid, and I missed it! Dang!] Still in search of a snowball to throw, I decide to try summoning one by reaching under a small table of food next to a wall, without looking, and expecting a snowball to be there. It doesn't work. When I look, the only thing under the table is a small, open-topped cardboard box with some kind of party supplies in it, like paper napkins. [I note that in my attempts to summon people or things in this dream, I did not have the same quiet assurance and confidence that it would work as I had at those times in the past when I successfully summoned an object. I wasn't truly focusing on it or believing in it this time, which, I think, is why it didn't work.]

I get up from looking under the table and look around at the people celebrating. I sense that the dream is about to end. I close my eyes, hoping to use that method of teleporting to get to another environment. I just end up looking at the inside of my real eyelids.

-------------------------------
Side notes:

This dream came at the end of a very bad, emotionally draining day and a late night. I was too tired to really try to induce a lucid dream. All I did was get up for a minute or two and go back to bed right before I had this dream, do a minimal amount of affirmations (maybe one or two), and wear my cardboard-square wristband on the inside of my right wrist, which I hadn't worn at all in a while. It may have been one of these things that caused such a long, vivid lucid dream, or maybe it was just the fact that I'd had a bad day and wanted to escape from it all (even though I consciously told myself before bed that that was stupid). I sure did feel a lot happier and better after waking up from my dream, though.

After waking up, I realized two things about this dream:
A) Expecting to be able to summon a snowball was stupid because, unlike the seed pod that I successfully summoned before (see entry dated October 26, 2010), a snowball doesn't naturally exist as a discrete object. You have to make a snowball yourself.
B) I was surrounded by DCs several times. I could have talked to my subconscious and asked for the answers to the questions from my exam that I missed because I had studied those subjects months ago, forgotten about them, and failed to review before the exam. (I'm not saying for sure that it would have worked, but it would have been fun to try. I'm curious to know if it can work.) I actually thought about doing that before I went to bed, but I didn't even think of it while I was dreaming. The only thing it occurred to me to do was to hit a DC with a snowball. Silly me! I will have to add “ask a DC about stuff I should know, but have forgotten” to my list of goals.

One final note: Wow. I now have a recurring, original, named dream character who is neither a pre-existing fictional character nor anyone I know in real life, and seeing him made me go lucid because I remembered meeting him in a previous dream, and here he was again, so I had to be dreaming. That's pretty neat. I can't say for sure that that officially makes him my dream guide, though, at least not just yet. It didn't occur to me to ask him if he was one. If I see him again, I'll try to remember to do that.