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I'm disembodied, following a man as he walks out of a stone fortress through a side door. He's upset. I'm trying to mentally push him into making a choice that he doesn't see yet - there's a group of people staying at this fortress, and when they leave, I want him to leave with them. I need him working with them, and he'll be much happier as well. It only hasn't occurred to him yet because that would be desertion, which I think of as a minor nuisance. He's in a position of command in this semi-military, semi-religious order, a position he'd never wanted, and I've been mentally pushing him to focus on all the ways he feels trapped here.

The fortress is surrounded by an evergreen forest, and there's a little snow here and there. He stops right outside the door, believing that he's just getting some air. He's thinking about that group traveling through that I want him to leave with, and thinking about how his order can't show emotion, contrasting it with that group. He's looking at something on the ground that I can't see, and he's thinking that he'd be crying right now if he was capable of it.

I push him to walk further from the door - he thinks of it as walking aimlessly, but I have a direction in mind. There's several tables set up from something going on here during the day, mostly empty now. He looks over the devices assembled on one of them - he doesn't understand how any of them work, but he feels like he's spent all day protecting this stuff from overly curious onlookers, and managing the nobility, and running errands for the great and the good - it seems completely ridiculous to him that this is his life. It's the opposite of where he ever expected to be.

He keeps walking. I make sure he focuses on the little pool of blood on the stone ground here, a dozen or so dead crows around it, deliberately placed in a certain formation. One of his men had called it "a battlefield for crows" earlier. He has absolutely no idea what this disgusting thing is for, it's just one more thing he's had to keep people away from today. As he's looking at it, he sees someone standing at the edge of the woods. He's startled; at first glance, it looks like the man who used to be in command here, who'd moved on a few months ago and left him in charge. He feels relieved - and by feeling the extent of that relief, he's just now become really aware of just how much weight's been on his shoulders since that man left. But then the person moves and breaks the illusion. It's not him.

Yesterday:

1. A horror story type dream with a group of people. Some of them have to be sacrificed. When ‘I’ realize that one of them is going to be next, I say ‘I’m sorry’ to her. She bleeds down her body and the blood goes to someone else. There was a skeleton? And a man in poor condition ends up being healed. Then he goes in a room with someone?

2. Something about a group of people, one of them named Caerwyn

DST and waking up an hour early messed me up.

Today:

Anime-style dream with anthropomorphism. The style was kind of moe.

Two girls are on an ‘island’, but it’s like a desert area. They’re talking about how people throw the wrong kind of chocolate out for the girl on the right because they don’t realize she can only eat the softer kind that has ‘LOVE’ written on the colorful little wrappings.

A third girl lands/appears and walks close enough to hear them. She hears mention of the word ‘penguin’ and thinks they’re talking about her. She seems like a tsundere type in the way she acts. She angrily dives into the conversation asking why they’re talking about her, until she realizes (is told?) that the girl on the right is a penguin too.

Inspirations: Been reading a webtoon about anthropomorphic animals. It doesn’t have any penguins in it though!

My brother is lying in fetal position on the ground, out in the woods, blood on his hands up to his elbows, just now returned to human form and very out of it. There's a girl with him. In the previous scene they'd been on a date in a restaurant, and she'd already known he wasn't human, and that he was violent - she'd gotten some kind of thrill out of it. But now that she's actually seeing the reality of it for herself, she's yelling at him, and being horrified by the blood on her own hands where she'd touched him. I'm watching from a distance, and I'd intended to give them privacy, but now that I've seen her reaction I'm disgusted by her - and disgusted by his behavior too, but that's not unusual. I allow her to see me and I go to get my brother on his feet.

Another time. I'm standing next to that same girl, making sure she doesn't do anything to interfere. We're watching a friend of hers go through a sort of rite of passage. She's standing in the woods, holding a sickle. Some variety of large wild cat walks out of the woods. The girl is supposed to kill that cat, but she doesn't move - she can't do it. The cat kills her instead. The cat then returns to her human form; her animal form was supposed to be passed down through her death.

Another time. A mistake's been made and we're going to need to allow one of our people to go to prison. An older man is offering to take the fall for her - he's been in prison before and he thinks it would be better this way. The youngest of us says there has to be some way to avoid this - none of us can leave this territory anyway, so a prison seems pointless to her.

[COLOR="#800080"]I am outside near some apartment complexes. It's night and I see one of my friends. She has a guy in a leash. She sees me and says "Loooook who's here" then I say hello and she completely ignores me, walks past me. I get sad and it starts to rain and some music plays in the backround. As soon as I step near this apartment complex it starts snowing and the place is full of snow. I see some guys and they want to play with snowballs but I run because I am late for something. I am in a restaurant with a guy with brown hair and another girl. We eat and stuff and then I tell the guy he should dye his hair blonde because it would look better. I sort of have a crush on him. He then pays for the meal and then I see this tiny tiny cat jumping around. The scene changes and I'm in an apartment complex. There are huge pigs jumping upstairs and I am really scared and I keep trying to push them downstairs. This other pig that has blood on it is really big and he roars and he wants to bite me. I run down the hall and in a room I see a surgeon full of blood carrying HUGE uteruses from a table in a bathtub. I run back to the stairs and throw myself but they turn into a mattress and there are lots of people jumping on it. It's outside and it's very sunny. [/COLOR]

A woman is standing in my home - I'm not physically present at the moment - and looking into a mirror that's showing her various visions. Currently it's showing her the man she loves with a very beautiful young servant standing underneath a tree, carrying out an affair. This isn't a surprise - she was already aware of it.

The scene in the mirror changes, showing her an image of herself in a shop. There's no sound but the shop owner seems to be repeatedly asking her something that she refuses to respond to. When he approaches her, she throws out a hand to tell him to back off, but her nails brush his throat and cut it open, covering her with his blood. She looks shocked, but quickly recovers and hurries out of the shop.

This second vision reminds her of my instructions to her. She has to eat a human heart tonight if that young and beautiful body I gave her is going to become hers permanently. And regularly after that, but that's not important, that's just basic dietary needs - the important part is this first time, making a deliberate decision.

She steps through a portal back into her world, the courtyard of her own home. But as she looks around things look strange to her - most notably, the sky is covered with grey clouds that seem unnatural to her. It's as if she's seeing both her world and mine at the same time, and she wonders if this is how I see her world all the time. I'm thinking, you're getting a bit mixed up about which world is yours now.

First dream

I was in school. I was sitting in the IT room on the second floor. The lesson ended quickly, and I went downstairs. I looked into the other classroom, and went towards the cloakroom and exit.

Second dream

I was in my home. Mother told me that my uncle is coming back from U.S We drove to the uncle's possession in the nearby town. We were waiting near his house. It was cold, winter day. Everything was covered with snow. He finally arrived, but he was too tired to meet with us. We drove back to home. I took a bowl, somehow filled it with blood and pretended that it was a soup. I spoiled a little on my legs, and when I was just about to eat, my mother arrived and told me that she'll cook something.

A woman's just rescued two men and they're currently escaping through a series of underground tunnels. She's just shoved one of them up a ladder, to a manhole leading out of this tunnel, but apparently that's her limit - she collapses onto the floor, which is a sort of metal grate over water. I can see blood on her face. The other man says, teasing about the way she's been telling him to just let her handle things this whole time, "This is your plan? To lie here and bleed to death?"

She says, "See, I knew you wouldn't be down with the plan."

He picks her up and carries her up the ladder. I switch to first person, from the POV of the man she'd shoved up the ladder before; we've climbed up to the level of the subway tunnels that are currently in use. We walk along the tracks for a while, and just as we reach a platform - currently empty, though I'm aware people could show up at any moment - we hear a train in the distance. I have to help both of them up onto the platform, he's so tired from carrying her, and I'm thinking about how we each keep exhausting ourselves to pull the other two up. I climb up after them, and collapse on the stairs, exhausted, listening to the train.

*I basically have one dream about school each night. Also, yesterday I thought once about playing Blood again, and it was enough to incubate a dream.*

PE lesson

I recall being in the cloakroom. I changed my suit for PE lesson, and went to the sports hall. I saw my fathers friend, bald, tall man with a little dark skin. He was standing within children and playing volleyball. Last thing I remember is going out of sports hall.

Bloody incubation

I was Caleb from Blood game, it was in the train level of the first episode. I was running with double barreled sawed off shotgun, and killing cultists. I saw parts of level that weren't in the original game. At the end, I was throwing dynamite at zombies.

A man's talking to a woman he's recently made immortal. She's very upset, talking about the moment when she'd thought she was about to die, and how she'd thought back on all these things in her life - her family, and the man she'd almost married. I see an image of that man lying in a pool of blood with her kneeling beside him - injured in the line of duty; he's a fed, she was a cop. He survived that. She's saying to the man who made her immortal that she doesn't expect him to be able to understand any of this - it's implied that she thinks of him as too inhuman. He's annoyed. He says to her, if she's so fixated on dying, go right ahead. If a year goes by and she's still feeling so "inconsistent," come tell him, and he'll kill her himself. He's entirely serious, but he believes that this won't be necessary - he believes that trying to make her focus on living will just drive her further into this self-destructive line of thought, but that if she spends time thoroughly thinking about death, she'll stop desiring it.

(Woke up. Back to sleep.)

The soprano from the other night, looking a little younger here, is sitting in a room with another woman, both of them dressed all in white with long white gloves. There's a mirror on the wall behind them. This other woman is standing up and singing, holding sheet music in her left hand - it's light popular music; she sings prettily but not professionally. The door to the hall opens, and a third young woman says, complaining, "Cora, it's almost dawn."

I notice I am seeing myself from the 3rd person now, I am tied to a lawn chair on the beach, next to someone else who is also tied to a lawn chair. My head is strapped to a palm tree behind me, and I have a cut in my neck. It doesn't look good. I appear to be having my neck slowly cut open. I don't want to scream because of the hole in my neck, but it seems like I only have one chance to get help. I let out a huge yell (still watching in 3rd person as I do this), and blood spurts out of my airway that has been cut open, not making much noise. The man behind the tree then swings his heavy knife, and in a few whacks, severs my head from my body. I feel sick to my stomach. As soon as my head is severed, my body starts pissing freely into the sand, no longer under conscious control. A guy nearby laughs at me because I'm peeing myself. My killer sneaks up to him, and shoves my head right in front of his face. Scared greatly, he now realizes why my body was peeing.

I was in a small shop when blood dripping from overhead stained the white shirt I was wearing. I looked up and I could see small circles of blood pooling and dripping down from from the ceiling in two separate places. Where could it be coming from? The explanation that seemed most likely was that the vampires were leaving their victims on the roof again. If so, I was going to be very annoyed, because sometimes it was days before anyone found them and by then they were going bad. I wondered if I should go up and check, but remembered that there was somewhere I needed to be shortly so I would have to hurry home to shower and change my shirt.

Back home, I had sufficient awareness to notice that the place looked unfamiliar (like most of my dream places, it resembled nowhere I've been in RL), but then I remembered that we had just moved here. I walked around admiring the new house: it was much more spacious than the last one, and had great atmosphere. For instance, in my room there were places where tree roots were growing down over the wall, creating beautiful lattice patterns and giving the room a pleasant rustic feel. I remembered my last landlord was always paranoid about tree roots growing near the house, but in this case their growth had been shaped in such a way that they formed a wonderful symbiosis with the architecture. There was a shallow pond my room too, unless I'm remembering a different room, and some kind of fish or crustaceans living in the pond.

I found my mother in the yard just behind the house. She was engaged in some kind of task, using a tree stump as a base to scrub the blue pigment off of some pieces of paper (as far as I could make out) and wanted me to come help. I also noticed a little pool or pond in the backyard that I thought I should take a closer look at when I had more time. But it was already 11am and I needed to be at my next engagement by 11:30, which barely left me time to take a shower. My brother came out to help my mom instead, so I excused myself and went back inside the house.

I passed a room that was entirely filled with an inground swimming pool, leaving just enough floorspace to walk around the edges. I gazed down into the water and was surprised how deep it was. I think my dad was in the room; I remember asking about the depth and then noticing the large black numbers marked on the side of the pool that confirmed his answer: eighteen feet. I reached down to touch the water and was delighted by how warm it was. This was much better than an outdoor pool because we could use it year round! And it was the third body of water I'd seen in the house so far. "I'm really starting to like this house!"

There was more but my recall gets vague after that. One thing to note, though: this dream was little more than a concatenation of dream signs! Mother, father, brother, unfamiliar house, no less than three bodies of water—somehow I went from one to another in a state of total obliviousness, and yet the dream kept throwing them at me as if to say, "Erm, excuse me. Hey. Hey! Notice anything?"

Night. I was on the second floor. I dropped a yellow-and-black boomerang on the roof below, and then it fell on the ground. A guy passed by. I asked him to throw it up, but he missed twice. I told him it's okay, I'll just pick it up later. I think I thought of making a move on him. A name: Maranao, a local tribe ("People of the Lake (Lanao)"). (I don't think I've thought of the name for years).

Day. We were dancing along the street. We were practicing. I recognize Kris.

Night. Traffic in a rather woody area. I was in a building. I imagined EDSA (highway), with all the night lights of its tall buildings and cars.

Day. I was in a desert. I was a creature or a monster of sorts. Lizard-like. Nearby, there are people/buildings. Blood samples from a frozen plant.

Night. I was going up the third floor. Saw someone there, someone I like. I forgot the name/face.

11/20/14 Earlier an incredibly vivid non-lucid and possibly a little semi-lucid in spots before my LD. I'm on a trip to a hauntingly beautiful Pacific Northwest town of "Ted"...was that correct? is there such a town? Town name given to me when told where I would take my blood to a "lab nurse assistant" in town..."Where's Ted?" "It's this area we are in." "how much do I have to pay?"(for the lab work) -I just put the hotel on my amex and wondered if i will have enough credit for the whole trip. (Rushed notes mostly for myself...sorry so sloppy...feel free to skip to the blue text=lucid dream) My #Dad is there. We have at least two rooms. A 2nd employee came shortly after I got in line to check in at hotel and he helped me quickly. At check-in they gave us a black vinyl record with a label indicating it is about the local area. "So each room has a record player??" Transition to us "watching" the record (record has an ability more like an old video laser disc?). So I am watching this tour of the beautiful local area in what is revealed at the end to be a VR motion simulator. The simulator is apparently where I am seeing the beautiful images of the coastal area and thickets that we are now flying over..."we would call those thickets because they are areas hard to walk through." The scenery and beautiful/gloomy slightly foggy "air" of everything makes me think of a dark crime movie where a young girl's death was being investigated. I even have the thought that this experience (which in hindsight is definitely a dream) could be affected by that movie...as if I am semi-lucid..? (About a week ago I was reading about the director's more recent movie and thought about having seen this older movie years before when reading about the director). People in lobby with a suitcase open, is it theirs?...girl friday I pretend I don't particularly care that she just arrived...where was she? oh yeah she drove separately and left later...I'm naked on bottom and I put my underwear back on and seemed confused as if I was in the middle of changing. My #eldestNephew is next to me on couch...larger group on trip than it seemed at first. #eldestBrotherInLaw says the #4 needle was perfect but the #2 needle hurt (bad) which makes no sense (possibly record needle to medical needle dream transition). Transition to where I draw blood in bathroom, no pain. blood spill...blood bag too full. 2 different hotel workers come by as I am now in hotel hallway. First one I tell him it's blood...2nd one named Hank is very curious about my cup...I now claim it's juice (after I moved blood into small white paper cup). Blood quite red at first but with 2nd guy Hank, in hotel cleaner garb, blood was purplish and cup barely filled now...blood seeping through paper? Wake.

Previous dream was one of those dreams that launches a thousand ships due to its awesome vividness...or at least a dozen!..launching a nice longish LD with multiple scenes! :

Later-morning LD...
(I think this is the beginning of my dream, so possibly quick DILD realization) I'm in a bedroom/living room combination and I hear the answering machine come on and it is "Jane Green of Columbia" asking me to call her back and I immediately recognize her name from my previous dream (though I can't remember the context...possibly false memory) and realize that this is a dream. On the other side of the room is my brother and I tell him how glad I am to see him and I interact with him a little bit . The dream then fades into what at first seems similar to dreamlets but I am able to enter most of them and watch many of them form in front of my eyes including a school hallway scene and in between would be void-like darkness where I used a rhythmic squirming motion (dream body is present) much like what I imagine a mammal with it's appendages would use to swim underwater or may be based on videos of such swimming. Weird! But it kept me moving and felt great moving me into scene after scene. I am hopeful that I was navigating some very brief NREM moments...otherwise my dreaming mind simply created such a dream with void-like gaps. Anyway some of the other scenes include being in a hallway and seeing the door that had a beach scene on the entire door kind of like a poster but more like a professionally designed door that led to a spa facility perhaps. I was completely expecting to phase through it and into a beach like scene but I think I did have in the back of my mind that phasing could collapse the visuals even though I have had no issue phasing at other times...I got a dark void again but wasn't the least bit concerned and I squirm/swim my way to the next scene. There was a scene with a bad guy in a black cloak and hooded outfit and I fly towards him throwing energy bursts at him. I get another bad guy in the next scene but ignore him and look around. There are quite a few scene changes that I am losing some of the details. Scenes with a sexy woman. And one of the last scenes I got caught up reading aloud a fairly long passage of text and seem to be lost in the moment before my awareness kicks back in and I realize that I'm back to dreaming again. I pause in order to commit all of these scene changes to memory and the blackness this time is the back of my eyelids....Counting as one long-ish LD and I am sure I am forgetting some details due to the vastly different scene changes. 233

I had a wake back to bed between that really vivid non lucid dream possibly becoming semi lucid and the subsequent series of lucid dream scenes. Instead of my normal SSILD I go back to bed and lightly and dreamily think about my previous vivid dream and go through my memories of it and this seems to keep my head in the right place to allow me to quickly become lucid when dreaming starts. Yesterday I also played with self awareness through a little silly dance or silly faces which seems to allow me to see myself from the outside more quickly than my usual clear light based perspective and found it clearly bringing more awareness to my self.

11/15/14 Unstable OBE after SSILD and vibrations, didn't get very far, should have been more patient at the beginning. 232

I had to put this somewhere...I just saw Jessica Chastain in last night's Daily Show interview...and I must say my heart fluttered...dang is she so lovable and stunningly beautiful in that interview! Maybe I can go on a date with her in dreamland!

As FK's Nicholas, I saw an image of a vase of white roses, bleeding a few trails of red blood - I believed that this was a hallucination, thinking of it as "a bit of silliness" - and then I saw a mental image of Janette lying on a white couch, looking unwell, somehow connected with those roses. Now I'm sitting on that couch, and Janette's lying on her side with her head resting against my thigh, my hand in her hair. We're talking about a particular time in the past when things had been better between the three of us. As we talk, I'm thinking about how easily I revert to this version of myself when I'm around them - without thinking, my body language, my speech patterns change automatically. It's like taking off a mask.

POV shifts to show LaCroix. He's at some kind of charity event. At the moment he's talking to a man near a buffet table, a man he knows in some professional capacity, and a moment comes when he has to either eat or make some excuse. Without hesitating, he puts some item of food in his mouth. As a disembodied observer/Nicholas, I'm incredibly jealous of his ability to do that without flinching. It would make my life so much easier if I could pretend to eat - socialization revolves almost entirely around food and drink, so just imagine how much easier it would be to blend in. After a moment, LaCroix makes a displeased face, reaches for a napkin, and removes the thing in his mouth. He makes some comment about the poor quality of the food this year compared to previous years, and the man he's talking to agrees. LaCroix's posing as a gourmet, picky about what he eats - it's his usual trick, insulting the food wherever he goes. They make a joke about not being able to trust the food in a place that has such skinny staff, and then the man LaCroix's talking to complains that this event has gone downhill in general - disappointing for such a worthy charity. LaCroix makes a comment about the decline of morality as time goes by. He manages to say this with a straight face.

Before going to sleep last night I had a very strong feeling that if I wanted to remember my dream and possibly even be lucid, I needed to wake up at two o'clock. I set two alarms: for two and for five.

I'm not sure if I was lucid from ten to two, but here's all I could remember:

It was nighttime, and someone had killed a unicorn--a supernatural being. They were drinking its blood.

So clearly from October's TofM.

I had another dream fragment, but I don't remember it now. Here's what I wrote at two in the morning (so sorry, this is gonna be . . . weird): "My father is a jerk and we're all at Ucon's Quick Stop and he's yelling and blah and Mama's having a bit of a meltdown.

"[A boy from school] was there and he said, 'If someone called you a bad word, what would you do?' "