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As FK's Nicholas, I saw an image of a vase of white roses, bleeding a few trails of red blood - I believed that this was a hallucination, thinking of it as "a bit of silliness" - and then I saw a mental image of Janette lying on a white couch, looking unwell, somehow connected with those roses. Now I'm sitting on that couch, and Janette's lying on her side with her head resting against my thigh, my hand in her hair. We're talking about a particular time in the past when things had been better between the three of us. As we talk, I'm thinking about how easily I revert to this version of myself when I'm around them - without thinking, my body language, my speech patterns change automatically. It's like taking off a mask.

POV shifts to show LaCroix. He's at some kind of charity event. At the moment he's talking to a man near a buffet table, a man he knows in some professional capacity, and a moment comes when he has to either eat or make some excuse. Without hesitating, he puts some item of food in his mouth. As a disembodied observer/Nicholas, I'm incredibly jealous of his ability to do that without flinching. It would make my life so much easier if I could pretend to eat - socialization revolves almost entirely around food and drink, so just imagine how much easier it would be to blend in. After a moment, LaCroix makes a displeased face, reaches for a napkin, and removes the thing in his mouth. He makes some comment about the poor quality of the food this year compared to previous years, and the man he's talking to agrees. LaCroix's posing as a gourmet, picky about what he eats - it's his usual trick, insulting the food wherever he goes. They make a joke about not being able to trust the food in a place that has such skinny staff, and then the man LaCroix's talking to complains that this event has gone downhill in general - disappointing for such a worthy charity. LaCroix makes a comment about the decline of morality as time goes by. He manages to say this with a straight face.

Before going to sleep last night I had a very strong feeling that if I wanted to remember my dream and possibly even be lucid, I needed to wake up at two o'clock. I set two alarms: for two and for five.

I'm not sure if I was lucid from ten to two, but here's all I could remember:

It was nighttime, and someone had killed a unicorn--a supernatural being. They were drinking its blood.

So clearly from October's TofM.

I had another dream fragment, but I don't remember it now. Here's what I wrote at two in the morning (so sorry, this is gonna be . . . weird): "My father is a jerk and we're all at Ucon's Quick Stop and he's yelling and blah and Mama's having a bit of a meltdown.

"[A boy from school] was there and he said, 'If someone called you a bad word, what would you do?' "

Dream - Lucid

I just recalled a bit of something...another dream about not attending a class that I was enrolled in. I think it was math again. I only remember this detail, all others are very vague pictures. Some kind of ceremony, I think? Maybe graduation? Not entirely sure.

~

I'm not sure where I was, but it was daytime. Dallas was texting me. He was in Oregon. He was saying he may fall down this huge hill. I guess he was hiking and close to a steep hill/ledge. I was worried for him; I hoped he didn't fall. For awhile, I was then not getting any responses from him, and when I'd text him, it would have trouble going through. He must be in a bad reception area. I then tried to call, and it wouldn't go through. I was really starting to get concerned.

I was then in the car, sitting on the passenger's side. Dallas was in the driver's seat, but there was no wheel on his side. I guess I was driving. Anyway, Dallas was sitting there completely naked. He had fallen down the steep hill/ledge. His body was turned in a way where I couldn't see any of his junk. I looked at him, and he looked relatively normal, aside from his front teeth looking like they got banged up, his lip was half normal colored and half a little dark. I was talking to him about us taking him to the hospital, letting his mom know, etc. I also commented on how quickly he got from Oregon to here (it's literally across the country!); I said something about it taking him an hour.

He then told me he didn't think I could handle seeing his injuries. I was talking to him about something when he said this. He turned his body all the way around and...his penis and testicles were completely gone. I tried to keep talking and ignore it, but I couldn't. I was then thinking about some IWL conversations we had about penectomies and how Dallas would fall into a huge depression if that happened. He was telling me it got cut off in the fall, but he couldn't go back and get it. He seemed to be in shock about the whole thing right now, like it wasn't affecting him that badly. I was wondering what they could do for him at the hospital.

I then saw him again at some point, a side view, and it looked like his penis was there after all. It was a very brief view though. I think we were in the hospital.

~

I was going down through the floor, down, down, down into darkness. I realized this wasn't waking life, but it didn't feel like a lucid dream, it honestly felt more like an OBE (for convenience purposes, I'm going to use the color code for my LDs, even though I genuinely do not believe it was a regular LD). I decided that I wanted to see what Hell looked like (I do not believe that heaven and hell are real places, but states of mind and being). In a previous experience some years ago, I was going down into the ground in a similar fashion in an LD, but I was too afraid to see hell, so I went back up. This time, I said to myself that I could handle it; I was ready to see it. I was concerned about waking myself up, but I held it together very well. I then looked down at my body and saw I was naked in the darkness as I descended. Interesting.

I then was in hell. I was in a room where there were these long tables all around the perimeter of the room. There were children who were supposed to be getting their faces painted by adults, but the adults were cutting their faces and painting them with blood. The children were scared and upset. There was a doorway leading into another room. I went into that one. I don't remember what was specifically going on in there, but there were more scared and upset children.

I then was in blackness again, and this feeling of fear and despair came over me. I knew they were not my own feelings, but the feelings pervading this hell. I saw vague shapes in the blackness.

~

I woke up from that last dream and fell asleep again, fully aware that I was going to enter a dream. I was out of my body again. I was in the house I grew up in. I don't remember many details about being in the house, but I then went outside and floated into the air. It was a bright and sunny day. I decided since I had seen hell, it was time to see heaven. I went up, up, up into the air. I then was in this tube that was very vivid. It was covered in light blue squares that had some Disney character's face on them. I went further into the tube and the color changed to yellow with more characters. It kept changing like this until I emerged on the other side.

I was in what looked like the exact same face painting room from hell, except for this time, the kids were really getting their faces painted. They were not scared or sad, but it was a much more calm atmosphere.

Unfortunately, I don't remember any more from this experience. I don't think much happened after that.

I then was back on Earth, outside in the daytime. I was floating, working on the effortless method of just letting it happen, but then I started to go down towards the Earth. I started to make myself float up again, and started to "swim" through the air. I knew that this was not what I had been working on, and it felt like I had more resistance, but it was working. I was swimming upwards and to the left towards the house.

There was a point where I looked in a mirror slightly above me and at an angle, and wanted to make angel wings appear on my back (something I tried to do in a previous LD not long ago), and lo and behold, there they were on my back. They were white and feathered. I smiled; they were beautiful.

~

I was again entering a dream. I felt like I was leaving my body, but appeared in a different room. I saw my sleeping body laying on the bed. It was naked, but in the same position that I fell asleep in. I seemed to be in what looked like a hotel room. Someone else was in there too, though I'm not sure who. They could see me though, which was kind of surprising. I went into the bathroom and floated. Someone else came in, my CS assistant manager, C. She could see me floating in the air! I was surprised that she could see me! I started to do these flips between the walls by the toilet, and she was laughing. I loved it!

~

Caved and took a whole Ambien again last night. -_-; I'm going to take a half tonight, otherwise I'll never get off this stuff. Though the experiences I had were very cool. I never felt like I was lucid dreaming; I felt out of body. It really did feel different. It was quite fascinating!

Still haven't fully typed my entry from the 10th, and I'm kind of tired, so I'll write a quick summary instead.

Basic ii: Two DCs were after me on a lucid chase. After getting rid of them and going in a pretty creepy house, a spontaneous scene change/teleport happened returning me to the house entrance. They caught up with me and I decided to face them, at the same time remembering the bloodsucking task, so I bit one of them on the cheeck and sucked in some blood. He was an unpleasant DC and didn't make for the fulfilling true blood experience I was hoping for.

Dream - Lucid

I was at work talking to Taylor about going to Oregon together on a trip.

I then remember being in an apartment with him at night and seeing what looked like a small tornado hit the glass on the floor-to-ceiling window.
"Take cover! It's a tornado!" I said as the thing pounded on the window once before disappearing.
It left an indentation in the glass and some debris behind that stuck to the window. It looked like machine parts. I then felt silly for freaking out about it because it apparently wasn't a tornado. Something about a stag and these waves of dirt on the Earth that had to do with the stag.

~

I was working in the coffee shop again. It was under new management like it is IWL and was inside of an apartment instead of a shop. It was really slow, as you would imagine business would be. I knew it was only a matter of time before the shop went under. I didn't understand why they would do this when they had had a perfectly good shop in the first place. I was talking to someone about this.

I then noticed that there was more room towards the back for people to sit down in, a little area with tables and chairs. Maybe this place wasn't so small and insignificant after all.

It was then liked I was in the bakery, and we had to make all these special orders for people. There was one for a therapist that I stopped seeing awhile ago. I didn't recognize that at first until I saw her. I hoped she didn't see me, but too late, she did. She said
"You need to come back and see me!" in a cheerful tone.
I didn't respond.
I was then preparing these cupcakes/brownies with cookies on top. Shannon showed me how to put the cookies on top. I started to put one cookie on some and three on others, but decided that two was the best choice to make them all even. I fixed the ones with one and that had one and three and made them all have two. I then came out with an extra cupcake/brownie thing and had to cut it and the edges to make it the same size as the others. I clipped the edges off the way I thought they looked best. I wasn't sure at first if I was doing it right, but I compared it with the others and thought it looked passable.

I was then outside. There were chairs, tables, and umbrellas. It was sunny and daytime out. I knew what was going to happen next: Someone was about to open fire on the coffee shop and go on a shooting spree. I even knew there would be some people who wouldn't make it. Then, a man's voice yelled
"GET DOWN ON THE GROUND!"
I dropped to the sidewalk, and other people there did as well. I was underneath a table and heard the gun going and going and going. It just kept shooting. I was afraid for my life.

The shots then ended and I got up. Inside at a table there were some dead people, some black men that were from Africa. I walked around a little and started to notice a wet feeling on the back of my neck. I then saw blood dripping down my leg. I had been shot in the back of the neck! I needed help before I lost too much blood. A man found me, I think it was Keith, one of the previous owners of the shop. He was so upset that I had gotten hurt. He helped me to a hospital. At some point, I saw blood dripping onto the floor. At another point, I saw the wound after the bullet was taken out. It was quite small and looked to be scabbed over already.

At another point, I felt that this wasn't real, and I became lucid. There was a guy with me who looked like my husband's best friend, and I said
"This is a dream!"
He was quite close to my face and he just looked at me. I then woke up.

~

I was at work at the bakery. It was nighttime. I was working with Taylor and Kaitlin. I was supposed to get off of work at 9, but we were so slow and caught up that I clocked out at almost 8 o'clock. As I was leaving, I saw Taylor and Kaitlin working on something. I hoped that they didn't need my help. I had to be at work by 6am the next day anyway. I was thinking about how Shannon would probably be mad at me for leaving early, but oh well, too late now.

I then briefly woke up and thought that that had really happened. I then went back to sleep.

I was back at work, and the computer screen there was a buttery yellow color. I had left it that way; I was supposed to clean it off before I left. There was a note typed up in the top left corner of the screen with some quote about cleanliness from the assistant CS manager. I started to scrape the yellow stuff off with my fingernail.

~

Again, I was working at the coffee shop, though it looked different. Two girls came in, one about 12, the other a teen, and ordered some drinks, a cafe' au lait for the older one, and some kind of latte for the younger one. I realized that we had no milk. We also had these weird milk steamers that were hand-held. I looked in vain for milk. I remember seeing some black coffee that looked steamed and bubbly. I felt bad for making the girls wait. What kind of coffee shop runs out of milk?? I had to apologize for the wait to the girls. The younger girl then changed her order to an amaretto latte. I then ran to another coffee shop to borrow milk. I told the guy working that I needed enough milk for a cafe' au lait and a latte. He poured some milk into a steaming pitcher for me and gave it to me. I looked inside the pitcher, and it didn't look like there was barely any milk, and it looked like it was separated; the white part was on the bottom, and on the top it looked like water. Ok...weird...

I then was back in the coffee shop and looked in the pitcher again and saw that it was full of orange juice! What...the heck. I didn't want to make these girls wait any longer, so I decided to change the OJ into milk by thinking about it. I realized I was dreaming for a split second while doing this, but quickly faded back into the NLD. I was kind of succeeding at the beverage change. I eventually steamed it, which I remembered how to do surprisingly well. It now definitely looked like milk. I gave them the drinks. I couldn't remember exactly what the younger girl had said she wanted in her latte. She then went over to a self-serve area and put some kind of amaretto powder into her drink. Alright, whatever!

~

I was in the library in college. I was getting on a computer. Jason was next to me on a computer. He was playing Starcraft. I then also started to play. My base was right next to his. We were both playing as the Zerg race. I was literally trying to build on his land. I built some kind of something, honestly I don't remember what it was, I think it was to make the most basic attack Zergs (can't recall what they're called). His drones started to attack them. I then started to try building a base around his, but he kept attacking me as I was doing so. I would succeed, but his drones would kill off any progress I was making. I decided to quit because I didn't think we were supposed to be playing Starcraft on the library computers anyway. It then showed a screen that had the word FEMALE on it inside of a bar and the bar filled up almost all the way in a lime green color. It was a bonus for being one of the few female Starcraft players. I went on there again and immediately got attacked by more advanced Zerg fighters. I quickly quit again, this time receiving no bonus.

Ritual: WTB 1am, woke 4:45am. Read, drank spice lassi, 7 minutes SSILD meditation, WBTB 6am. Relaxation, counting, mantra, took probably 30–45 minutes to fall fully asleep. Woke 7:30am with dreams.

Alchemy: 400mg L-Theanine, 400mg Alpha-GPC 50%, 750mg Aniracetam, taken at end of WBTB.

Notes: Two days ago I was buying ice cream in RL, and it occurred to me that I should use this as a motivator. "You can't eat any of this ice cream until you have a lucid dream!" I told myself sternly. Then last night I was thinking of eating something else for dessert, and I decided to be even more strict: "In fact, no dessert for you at all until you get lucid!" Given everything else that went into my attempt, including excitement about the brand new TOTMs, I can't estimate to what extent this reward-based strategy was a factor in the successful outcome, but it's worth experimenting with some more. Either I'll have more LDs or I'll eat fewer sweets, so it's a win-win either way!

I've been working on my mantra, and I'm currently going with variants of "Do we perceive the dream?" When going to sleep while counting I was thinking this on the off-counts, and as the hypnagogic state started to set in, at one point I noticed myself thinking: "Do we believe the skies?" ("Skies" as in the sporting equipment, so the rhyme was preserved.) This was so absurd I had to rouse myself and write it on my notepad!

By the time I started dreaming, it seemed as though there was a degree of dream-awareness from the start of the sequence, but I don't think it blossomed into full lucidity (with agency) until I remembered my tasks. There was no specific "moment of realization," and yet overall the dream felt much more like a DILD than a WILD, so I'm calling it a DILD.

DILD: I was standing in a narrow lane, enclosed on both sides by walls and buildings, in a residential area. A woman came out from a nearby house and walked past me, carrying a cat. Two other cats were running after her anxiously, so although their size suggested that they were almost fully grown, I intuited that the they must be the kittens of the cat she was carrying. The cat in her arms had wonderful markings, almost like tiger stripes. One of the ones that followed had a similar coat, a cross between tiger stripes and a Bengal's spots. A few minutes later a third cat came along, also striped.

I was so taken with looking at the cats that I didn't want to get too far behind, so I followed them and called the young boys that were with me to keep up. One of them was pushing an empty wheelbarrow but soon left off and went to chase after his friend, who had now gone ahead of me. I picked up the wheelbarrow and pushed it along for awhile, but it was of very primitive construction, all wood, even the wheel was just a disk of solid wood, so it was cumbersome. I wondered why I even needed it. I had noticed that one of the other boys who had gone ahead was giving his friend a ride in another wheelbarrow, and figured if I kept pushing mine, one of the boys would likewise ask me if they could ride in it, which would make it even more cumbersome. So I put it down and continued along the path.

There was a barn to the left, with an open door, and I decided to turn aside and explore it. This meant there would be no way of catching up with the others, but I didn't feel much urgency to do that anymore. The barn was full of old objects, and seemed to be used as storage of some kind. I remembered the TOTM and reasoned that in a rustic place like this it should be easy to find a pumpkin, so I started looking around for one. I climbed a ladder to a ledge which was serving as a shelf for additional objects, and was pleased to find that one of them was a large pumpkin. Everything else was covered with dust, which made me wonder how long the pumpkin had been sitting here. It was probably this concern that made me notice that the pumpkin was looking a bit sagging and rotten, but I recalled that the TOTM instructions didn't specify anything about the condition of the pumpkin, so I figured that it would still work!

Before I could reach for it, I noticed that it wasn't the only pumpkin: now I saw that there were three more on the shelf within arm's reach, all of them of slightly different hues and shapes. I was glad there was an alternative to reaching into the rotten pumpkin, so I grabbed the one whose appearance I found the most interesting: it was small, squat, and had a faintly bluish tinge. I figured I would start with this one, and if I didn't like the results, I had three more to work with.

Part of me wanted to just punch my fist into the pumpkin, which would have been faster but less elegant, so I forced myself to take my time and cut it open properly. I produced a knife from somewhere, without really thinking about it, and began sawing a circle around the stem, just as if I were going to begin carving a jack-o-lantern. When I completed the circle I lifted up the top section, revealing the interior of the pumpkin, and reached inside. The pumpkin was small enough that my hand barely fit, and I was groping around in the stringy goop and slimy seeds trying to find something else in there, hoping to encounter something interesting and unanticipated. All I felt were the pumpkin's ordinary innards, though.

Initially I had left my anticipations open-ended, but now that the dream was coming up empty-handed I tried to seed them with some expectations. Although it was a small pumpkin, there would be plenty of room for a ring. Might there be a ring inside? I squished all the pumpkin innards around in my hand to make sure I wasn't missing anything, but there was nothing there, nothing that wouldn't ordinarily be found in a pumpkin. The only distinguishing feature was that the stringy goop and slimy seeds, despite their very naturalistic texture, had the same bluish tinge as the pumpkin's skin. (I think this might have been day-residue, as last night I had been reading an Amazon review of a set of mala beads beads made in China that complained how the wood had soon developed a weird bluish cast.)

At that point I decided to give up on the little blue pumpkin and get started on the other three, but inconveniently I woke up. I considered getting up and writing my report, but felt that I was still in a state where it would be possible to DEILD, so I fixed the previous events in mind and let myself drift back into dream.

DEILD: This time I found myself in a place I recognized: it was the house of my maternal grandmother that I often visited as a young kid. It is a place that often shows up in my dreams. On this occasion, the theme of "blue" seemed to carry over from the last dream, as I noticed that the house now had a beautiful deep blue carpet that looked brand new. "Nice new carpet!" I said loudly, in case anyone was home. My grandmother is long dead but in waking life my uncle lives there now. In the dream, however, the house seemed quiet and empty, and no one responded to my complement.

I felt very lucid and clear, more so than in the beginning of the last dream, and remembered my standing intention to reflect on my bodily awareness. Sure enough, I could feel the characteristic tingles in my abdomen and especially in my legs that I associate with dreaming. (My hypothesis is that this "tingling" is a product of REM atonia.) I also associate this sensation with the ability to fly in dreams, so I experimentally levitated a bit, and then tried to implant the mental suggestion to be more aware of this body state while dreaming, with the aim of getting lucid more often.

Returning my attention to the environment, I wondered what task I could try next. I had been interested in the other basic task, drinking blood, but I didn't want to have to go all vampire on anyone who I might happen to encounter in this house, given that this was a place where my own relatives lived. "Perhaps if I look in the refrigerator, there'll be a cup of blood in there," I figured. It seemed a reasonable speculation, but after opening the fridge (which at the time I didn't notice was on the opposite side of the room than it is in RL), I didn't see any likely candidates. What would a cup of blood even look like? And would it still count for the task if it came from the fridge? The instructions didn't specify a source. But the idea of drinking a cup of refrigerated blood was not appealing to me, so I thought I should save this task for a more suitable occasion. I much preferred the idea of drinking it vampire-style, especially if I could get the bonus by drinking it from a supernatural creature.

Closing the fridge, I wondered what other tasks might be suitable for this environment. I remembered my lucid dare, and that struck me as a perfect idea: when I was little I always used to walk and play in the forest behind this house, so it was the perfect "enchanted" forest in which to go looking for elves. I continued walking through the house and went out the back door.

The world that greeted me once I stepped outside was startling in its freshness. The colors were deep and rich and luminous, more so than I usually see in dreams, and I was struck by the beauty of my surroundings. There were some distinct differences from RL: in the far distance I could residential areas covered in mist, as though I were looking at a town from the summit of a tall hill. The forest I hoped to find was present, but quite a bit further away than I would have expected. And walking across the grass of the wide lawn that lay before the forest was... a minotaur? I looked again. No, not quite a minotaur... it had the same general lineaments, but the head was that of a horse rather than a bull. Nevertheless, the creature was clearly supernatural, and it reminded me of the blood task again. I didn't want to miss this opportunity, since it was walking right toward me, so I approached the creature.

I didn't want to just grab the monster and start biting him, since he would surely conclude that I was attacking him and fight back, which could be counter-productive. So I went up to him and asked politely, "Sir, would you mind if I drank some of your blood? I only need a cup." He was at least seven feet tall and surely had plenty of blood to spare, so I didn't see any reason he should refuse. To my consternation, he seemed unsettled by my request and tried to demur. But I didn't want to pass up this opportunity, and figured that I had already met the demands of good sportsmanship by clarifying my intentions, so I grabbed his left arm (I was facing him, so it was the arm to my right), extended my fangs, bit him right in the crook of his elbow, and began to drink. Although he was tense and rigid, he didn't fight back, and I concluded that he must be experiencing that peculiar pleasure that the prey of vampires are often said to feel while being fed upon.

I paused to look up, gauging the creature's reaction, and was surprised to see that his appearance had changed. His head was thrown back, his eyes closed, but it was the head of an ordinary man now, no longer that of a horse. The task was to drink from a supernatural creature and see how it changed me, but it turned out he was the one that was transforming! I returned to drinking his blood before he could recover his wits and fight me off. However, the blood wasn't coming very quickly. Either I had picked a bad spot where the blood couldn't flow freely or he was still resisting me in some way, perhaps stifling its flow through the tension in his arm, which was still very stiff. I woke up before I had finished drinking, and promptly concluded that I didn't think I hadn't drunk a whole cup's worth, if we're measuring technically by eight ounces. However, it turns out that it is hard to estimate the quantity of blood you're drinking when you're getting it right from someone's arm!

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

This one is both erotic and gross, so be warned.

I am attending my guru's teachings but it turns into something else. He is performing something like an empowerment and then he directs his attention to me, by making a reference only I understand. Then he throws a kind of ritual cover with buddhist symbols over my lap. It seems random or accidental, but I am starting to think maybe not. Then he recites something nysterious and a lady on his left side, who is helping with the ritual, finishes with a sort of wishful phrasing like "may your wish be fulfilled" meant for the guru.
After this event, as night falls, I feel light headed and eerie and an urge to go somewhere. I feel fluid and like walking on clouds. I move like dancing, but I don't know where I am going. I feel like I'm being drawn somewhere until I actually feel like a real hand guiding all my movements. It's a warm and gentle hand. I submit willingfully.
I arrive at a place with a couple of guards by a door, but the door is wide open and there's someone descending a staircase. It is my guru, but a god-like version of him, skin so flawless as made of metal. And he is completely naked, using only adornments around his waist, neck and head. On one hand he has pointy silvered fingernails. He embraces me, I feel his warmth and smoothness. He removes my dress with just a touch and turns me around. We're both naked in front of a mirror. He kisses me and caresses me. I feel horny like crazy, I'm panting with desire. Then he pierces my left ear lobe with his silver fingernails and starts sucking my blood. At the same time he penetrates me from behind. He says calmly "I'm in". I'm lost in ecstasy, I have never felt like this before.
I am about to explode with pleasure when he tells me "do not come". He pulls out of me and tells me to simply let the blood come out. I'm not sure what he means. I know he means blood coming out of my "secret place", I just wonder why. Then he disappears, leaving me in an indescribable state. I feel drained and exhausted, yet, in a climax like no other I've ever experienced. I feel like he went to the deepest inside me and became part of it. I feel like I died and I am reborn again.
When I wake up, I still linger on that feeling and emotion and feel exhausted and exhilarated at the same time.
Meanwhile, my period came. Odd timing.

Dream - Lucid

I was in college. It was the first day of the semester. I was in what looked like the break room at work putting things in a locker.

I was then in a theater in a theater class. Dallas was the teacher. He was showing us footage of a musical that he wanted us to do. It was about this group of people who just went around and shot people. I wanted to be in the chorus, not a main character, and I said so to Dallas/the class. I then thought about Dallas and this was his first time directing a musical. I knew he'd be nervous, especially on opening night.

We kept watching the footage. It was quite the bloody show. People would get shot, and there would be a lot of blood.

I then was in the locker/break room again. I was sitting at the table in there. A lady gave me a sheet back with grades on it. I was doing really well! Not all perfect scores, but lots of good scores. I thought about how this time around I was going to all my classes, as opposed to all the other times when I would neglect a class all semester and fail it or have to drop it (this never happened IWL, but has in my dreams many times).

I was then back in the class, but this time, I was on stage with some other girls. We were the shooters at some sort of outdoor party underneath a pavilion. I remember something about trying to load a silver gun for one of the other girls. I loaded it up alright, but was having trouble turning off the safety and getting it ready to shoot. Someone took it from me and did it themselves.

I then was in some sort of formation with the girls. It was a T shaped formation, with two in the front and the rest of us behind in a single file. There were maybe 5 of us total. I was second, being only behind the two in the front. It was then like we were very deep underwater, thought the pavilion was still there and everything, and we had to link our arms together in a special way while at the same time plugging our ears because of the water pressure change. It was weird. We were being directed how to do so by some people talking to us, I believe my mom was one of them. I was looking in front of me, and saw that my dad was one of the people in front of me. He had this tube coming out of the back of his head by his ear with a plastic bubble around it. There was pink liquid medicine in the bubble. I somehow got it to go in the tube, because that's how he was taking his medicine, but it came right back out again. Um...not sure what to do about this. He had no idea what was going on with the meds, and for some reason, I didn't tell him. I somehow got him to tilt his head forward, and the meds went back in the tube. Some came out again. Ugh.

Then, we were getting ready to go up to the surface. We linked arms in the weird way we were supposed to, but I couldn't get my hands up to my ears to plug them. It was too late though, we were racing up to the surface quite fast. I heard my mom's voice call out
"Protect your ears!"
I was trying really hard to get my hands to my ears. I got my left one, but my right one was still uncovered. I couldn't get my hand to it. My right ear started to ring and I felt a lot of pressure in it.

I then woke up before we hit the surface.

~

I was being taught how to fill a syringe with medication for shots. A woman was showing me how to do it. We filled this syringe with a medicine that looked like apple juice. She didn't have me tap it for air bubbles, and I thought back to seeing nurses doing that with syringes that had the glass shaped in such a way that it looked like bubbles connected together. I don't know how else to describe it, and I can't find a good picture on the internet to show you what I mean. I asked the woman about that. I don't remember her response, but for some reason, we didn't have to tap the type of syringe we were using for bubbles. I guess only the people with the bubble-shaped syringes had to do that. I assumed something about them also being amateurs.

There's this vampire who went through a bit of a rock star phase in the 60s. During that time he had this assistant who would occasionally arrange for the vampire to wake up with one of his groupies locked in the same room. The vampire resents this. He compares it to throwing a live, venomous snake at someone - neither the snake nor the victim has any choice in the matter, the snake is used as a tool.

(Woke up. Back to sleep.)

This woman, thoroughly soaked by the rain, just completely drenched, has just been put into the back seat of a car. The man who's just gotten out of the car and insisted she take it is now standing in the rain. After just a moment the woman gets out of the car again, makes this sort of exasperated sound, drapes her coat over his head to keep the rain off, and gets back in the car. The coat is thoroughly drenched so this does absolutely nothing to keep him dry, but he gets this big lopsided grin.

There's another guy standing in the rain with him, and my first impression - before the woman had gotten back out of the car - had been that the two men were enemies of some kind, but that the first guy was obliged to go along with him for something. But looking at the second guy again now, on second thought I'm thinking of him as a friend.

The scene changes to show the woman and that first guy again, parting at a rural train station sometime in the 1800s. I'm thinking about how during the scene in the rain, they hadn't remembered each other from this time. Part of immortality - it's important for them to forget every so often.

False awakening. I try to write down this past scene, and write that there were three different ways things could go for that pair in the rain. The best route for them is associated with fire.

(Woke up. Back to sleep.)

I'm a man passing a large arched opening in a stone wall, and as I look at it I remember that someone had asked me to fetch something for him from down here. I hadn't intended to, but since I'm here anyway I might as well. I go inside, into an immense underground stone dome with a dirt floor. It's empty, and large enough that it's difficult to see the other walls, but I'm aware there will be a door off to the right leading to a place where things are stored. As I'm walking, I hear a voice accusing me of enjoying blood. I don't see a physical source of the voice, but I expect he'll show himself eventually. I sort of laugh at the accusation but otherwise ignore him and keep walking. The voice continues: "If you are one of the evil dogs, care to know as much as I do?"

I upgrade my space ship to a faster one, but one with a smaller cargo bay. I can always just pack it tighter and fit just as much. The speed will help me get my job done quicker. I only make $900,000 a year right now. I have the day off, so I go visit some friends.

Hanging out in a bedroom, the other guy leaves to go talk to the girl's parents about something. Before he does, he leaves two of his guns behind, forgetting the third in his belt. I hear their kid get really excited about the gun - exactly what he was trying to avoid. Then they go further from the door and I can't hear anything.

Now I'm the girl, alone in the room. I decide to just get some rest. But feel more comfortable with the gun under my pillow, cocked back and dangerously ready to shoot. I get spooked a few times, and aim the gun at the door, but it's nothing. Laying my head back down, I hear someone at the door. They kick the door in really fast to surprise me. But the only reaction they get is a bullet to the face. It was my neighbor who had been stalking me for a long time. He had finally built up the courage to try and rape me now. Scary...

My friend comes back into the room, really surprised that I had killed someone, because he only left plastic toy guns behind. Looking at the gun I used, it was indeed a toy gun. He tells me to follow him downstairs. We leave my room, go down the the main floor, and see my neighbor, with a definite scar where I had shot him in the head. Especially a big scar in the back of his head. He is acting quite stupid, and seems to be our servant now, taking laundry to the laundry room.

We go to the bottom floor, and into another room where my friend plays a video that our neighbor filmed, sitting him in front of it as well to narrate it for us.

In this video, he is in a small off-road go cart, with three of his friends, driving toward a massive building with huge double wooden doors. His mom is sitting in a chair watching them approach from outside, next to the building. They swerve and crash through the doors. Driving way too fast to safely navigate anything, they careen through the building, smash out through another set of doors, and go down the sidewalk as people and bicyclists dive out of their way. Skidding sideways just in time to stop before getting hit by traffic in the road, they turn around to come back the way they came.

This time, they hit a bicyclist, who crashes trying to get out of their way. I assume the cyclist got out of the way in time. I don't see the cyclist in the video, but the mangled bike flies in front of the camera. Our neighbor comments to us, "Don't you see how covered in blood the bicycle is?" Looking at the footage, I actually see no blood at all.

Apparently, this video is to explain to me and my neighbor (who doesn't seem to get it) that only what we believe appears to us. And that since we both believed I had a real gun, we both think I killed him, but since my friend knows its a fake gun, he's still alive.

I'm at university attending a lecture about the basics of OpenGL.
The teacher doesn't really seem into it, and none of my classmates seem interested.
To be honest, neither am I, but for a different reason.
The other students are not interested in graphics programming,
whereas I'm already quite comfortable with both Direct3D and OpenGL.
Why am I attending this class again? Perhaps for some easy credit points?
That doesn't sound like me though.

Once class is over, I hear some people discussing that they wouldn't come back
and choose another course instead. If that many people leave, this course is
going to be cancelled, and I'll have to find another one as well.
I'm mildly annoyed.

Eventually, as the lecture comes to an end, I suddenly realize that I am dreaming.
I'm not sure what gave it away.
I touch everything in close vicinity to assert that the dream is stable.
There is some initial numbness, but eventually my senses appear to be working properly.
I leave the classroom, trying to remember my dream goals...
It's not working, I can't remember anything.

I'll go visit Yuya. It has been a long time since I've seen her because Faye is messing with my dreams.
But then, just as I want to teleport to Riven, I spot a familiar face.

It's Kate! What is going on? Why is she here?
(Not a real image of Kate. Kate is an ex-gf from waking life)

She smiles. And that is all it takes to stir up old emotions, which I left behind long ago.
I'm in love again. Great... I had enough trouble getting over her as it is.
Why does it all have to come back to me now?
I reluctantly decide to ignore her and visit Yuya, as I had planned,
but something goes wrong during my attempt of teleportation...



... I'm in an apartment with Kate. I think that she is my classmate now, and that we're living together.
This is our apartment. Everything is perfect.
I am living with the woman of my dreams, we're both about to graduate,
and we have our future planned out.
It is late in the evening and I go to the bathroom to take a shower.
The water temperature knob isn't cooperating.
I seem to be dealing with something like this:


Kate joins me in the shower and she has no trouble adjusting the temperature properly.
The water is now refreshingly cold, just the way I like it.
Kate moves closer and kisses me passionately. I love her so much.
And she is so beautiful. I stare into her green eyes as we kiss...
Wait... this is not right. Those are clearly Kate's eyes, but... they feel... empty?
Oh no...
Why?
I am emotionally devastated...

This isn't Kate. This is Faye.
It feels as though I've lost Kate again. I am so sad.


Faye is now holding a rose and handing it to me.
I get the feeling that she is trying to apologize?
That does make feel a little better. Will I finally be able to reason with Faye?
I take the rose. I cut one of my fingers on a thorn. Ouch!
A single drop of blood emerges and falls to the ground.

Something is wrong...
I sense something moving through the small cut, into my hand, and then up my arm.
I get vivid flashbacks of the bee birthing blisters. Not again!
I drop the rose. But I'm too late.
Stems covered in thorns grow through my veins and sprout out of my body in various places, causing me to bleed.
More and more blood flows down into the shower. The water slowly turns red.

"Faye. Please make it stop!"
"No."
"..."
"Please! I'm sure whatever the problem is, I can fix it."
"There is no need for this!"
"I don't want the problem to be fixed."

What? Why? I don't understand.
I just barely manage not to freak out. The parasitic plant hardens in my veins making me unable to move.
The pain increases as the plant grows bigger.
Fuck fuck fuck.

"Faye! Talk to me! What is the problem?"

She doesn't reply. She just smiles, satisfied with the current situation.
I can't take it any more. I need to wake up!
I close my eyes, trying to think of my waking body lying in bed.
But I don't wake up...
Instead I begin to see, even though my eyes are closed.

She laughs at me and my inability to do anything.
Then she moves in and kisses me on the lips.
No. I don't want this.
My fear turns into anger.
I scream at the top of my lungs, wanting to push Faye away from me.
The hardened plant finally gives in under the force and breaks in many places within my body.
I push against Faye hard with both of my hands.
She is pushed through the glass shower door, which shatters into pieces.

She is cut in many places by the broken glass. She is bleeding and her blood mixes with mine on the floor.
This is so fucked up. She still looks like Kate. This is not right. I don't want to hurt her.
She again laughs at the current situation. She clearly feels like she has accomplished something.
She is satisfied. Finally, she gets up and leaves the room and I manage to wake myself up.

Well fuck. -_-
This is enough. This needs to change. Now.
I'm going to WBTB, probably do some meditation to focus my thoughts, WILD and tackle the problem with a hopefully clear head.

To mention something a little more positive, I have updated my Dream Journal Description.
I've also found this really cool painting by Sakimichan, which made me think of Yuya:

She obviously doesn't have the long pointy ears, but I thought that this painting just radiates so much energy, just as Yuya does.
There's also been a strong blue/orange theme in my dreams lately. I thought this was a pretty cool find.

Ever have those dreams where you wake up and just can't remember it in full? So much happens that you just forget how things happen.

The whole dream, or set of dreams, centered on this group of friends. I believe it started when we were driving past this group of people walking along the side of the road. We decided to turn around and walk with these people to see what they were up to. There was 2 people leading the others, with around 4 people in back. It was in a countryside. I saw a forest on one side of the road and open fields and crops on the other. We walked for some time, but I tried catching up to the people in front. I don't think I ever made it.
There was this hotel that I visited a few times. It had this special elevator in it that went to a secret base if you knew how to properly activate it. This was the group's base of operations I think. It had this professor inside who I went to for information a few times. I think the elevator came from me wanting to do the TOTM. I sadly do not recall much about this professor though. He may have been someone like Albert Einstein or master splinter, I just do not remember. The dream may have involved time travel. I remember there being a girl that I really liked, and she liked me back. She had red hair and was really pretty. We spent as much time as we could together, but at one point I was turned into a child for reasons I can't remember. We still spent time together, but we couldn't be as close.
There was another scene that had this huge pit of gunk. It was the nastiest water you could ever think of. It went down a long way, but it had something special at the bottom. I think it was an instant death crystal or something. I remember seeing this pit twice. Once full of water and once empty. It was a circular pit full of mystery, but too dangerous to go near no matter how full it was. My dream mother (who I think was actually Emma from Once Upon a Time) was looking into this pit with the van parked next to it. We were allowed to look into mysteries, kind of like the scooby doo gang, but our leader was quite strict. I believe our leader was the same guy from the elevator part. There was this little girl (Looked like Wendy from Once Upon a time) who only had one chance to be part of this group, and if she screwed it up then she was out. My dream mom had two chances. There was this second van driving over to us which had the leader in it and the little girl who was in the passenger seat decided to drive the car out of the way of the other van. My dream mom got mad at her and told her it was not acceptable to drive the car. She was party on edge since the car almost knocked her into the pit. The professor got angry at my mom and said she was in the wrong for correcting the girl, and told her she is on her last chance. There was one final part of the dream that involved one of the group's grandfather being poisoned. We went into the creepy house and saw him lying on the ground almost dead. There was a sign there with 5 Bonk! Atomic Punches from TF2 that said we must drink the blood if he is to survive. We all drank, and it made us all crumble to the ground with how gross it tasted. A few of us even threw some of it back up. We got word of another incident, and we went across the street to check it out. The same thing had happened to another family, but we weren't about to repeat what we had just done.
The last thing I remember was seeing a group of friends just like us that were still around the neighborhood from when they used to be the go to people 50 years ago. They were very old and creepy though, and they were talking abut magic and how they wanted our youth and power. I think they were the ones behind this mystery.

I remembered a lot, but don't know the order or many specifics. Oh well, there will be more dreams.

After a long hiatus, I can finally focus on dreaming again.

04.14.2014

Giant Slayers (DILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I seem to once again be in high school, riding the bus back home. The driver gives all the students some kind of trivia assignment to be completed before leaving the bus. I have a book of facts with me that I'm using to complete the assignment. I briefly wake up as I complain (out loud) about how unfair it is to have homework on the bus.

I re-enter the dream. Now I'm hanging out at my mom's house with one of the girls from the bus. She has a tattoo on her cheek. I look in the mirror, noticing that my hair is long again. When I touch it, however, it still feels short. "Why does the mirror say my hair is long when it's not?" I ask the girl, confused. She tells me that it IS long. This is when I take note of my stupidity and realize that I must be dreaming.

"Oh, I get it," I tell her. "I'm dreaming." The girl gives me a doubtful look. "This is all just a dream. I can prove it to you. What should I do to prove it?"

She points to a guitar behind me. "Can you play?"

I look at the guitar skeptically, thinking of how musically illiterate I am. "No," I answer, "I doubt I can even play that in a dream."

"Try it. I'l only believe you if you can play it.

I pick up the guitar and surprisingly begin playing a really wicked tune. The girl grins, joining me with some sort of electronic instrument that she possesses. We have a really powerful jam session that has both of us really pumped up by the end. We laugh and cheer at our success.

"I guess this really is a dream," the girl relents.

"I guess that means you only exist in my mind," I tell her. "Or maybe we're having the same shared dream. Try to remember this later and let me know on the bus tomorrow if we're really in the same dream." (Clearly since I'm in college now, and I've never actually ever seen this girl, I have no way of knowing for sure.)

We go outside, still discussing the nature of shared dreaming. I lazily levitate down the street. "Where are we going?" my companion asks me.

"Who knows? But where ever we end up, it'll be an adventure," I promise.

Somewhere along the line, we join with two friends, a guy and a girl. I do not know them IRL, but I seem to in the dream. We come upon a beautiful swamp-land area where we decide to explore. I marvel at how real the place is, combined with an undeniable dream haze. "It feels good to travel with a group again," I tell my friends. "Ironic, since I'm called the Loner."

The forest thickens, aand we notice a huge mansion ahead. We walk onto the porch, intending to explore, when a Giant bursts from the woods. She's taller than the house--- the ground shakes with her every step.

She hasn't noticed us yet. There are several large crates on the porch--- I indicate to my friends that we should hide behind them. Before we get a chance, the Giantess looks directly at us, leaning over the bannister to peer down at us with a mighty roar.

"Take cover under the house!" I yell, taking my own advice. The giant crouches down, trying to grab at me from my hiding place. While her face is so low to the ground, I use the opportunity to slash at her. She manages to get away before I do much damage. I yell my plan to the others. Together, with much effort, we manage to get the Giant down on her back. I run towards her with my knife, but she has one of her own. When I hesitate to attack, she impales one of the girls I'm with. I cry out furiously, grabbing the knife from her and stabbing her face over and over again. Her face is a wreck; no longer can I even consider it a face. Blood is everywhere. It smells awful, like this sickly sweet organic matter... It's all over my hands, thick and slippery. I smirk, wondering what the Queen would think of me now.

The Giantess, meanwhile, is still alive. With the help of my friends, I drag her to the nearby river to drown her. All it does is heal her face. >_< I wake up, heart pounding, the smell of her blood burned into my nostrils.

06.26.2014

Yet Another Fight with a Snake Goddess (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

This seems to be a recurring theme with me for some reason.

I am in an outdoors setting with my two roomates: Alex and Ninja. A large blue and black feathered snake slithers through the branches above my head, then comes to rest in a coil just in front of me. It regards me maliciously. I can tell it means to strike at any moment, so I scurry back to avoid its (likely venomous) fangs. For some reason, it seems necessary to kill this snake at all costs.

I pull out my large black knife. Alex and I take turns distracting the snake while the other attacks. After we inflict a certain amout of damage, the snake transforms into a dragon/spinx-like goddess. As the goddes has wings, we must now resort to ranged weapons. We throw miniature spears at her, which serves more to fuel her temper than to actually do any damage.

The angered goddess pulls out a dart gun and procedes to fire venomous darts at my companions and I. The darts take out Alex and Ninja, but I fight the effects. "Don't you know I'm the Queen of dreams!?" I shout at her. "Your darts have little effect on me!" I grab some unused darts from her, which are now more like syringes, and inject her with her own venom. Now that she's paralyzed, I somehow manage to weild an axe and chop her to pieces.

Last few nights...

06/12/14:
I dreamed about a tree.

It was a huge tree with black bark and sprawling, twisted limbs... if anybody has seen a Live Oak, it was sort of like that, but much bigger. I know there is something wrong with it.

It is outside of the fence. The fence is wooden and rickety. It encloses something, but I'm not sure what. It's always dark, always night. The world feels very "small", like the entire world just surrounds the tree and the fence but doesn't spread very far beyond them. I am trying to somehow stop the evil I know is infecting the tree's roots.

Some sort of burrowing creature is inside of the fence, digging through the soft loamy earth. It's like a brown, short-haired dog sized ferret thing that can talk. Its tunnel reaches the "evil" roots. Once they are exposed, the evil is able to spread inside of the fence. It was an accident, the creature was just trying to create a "home" burrow. It apologizes and says it will make its home elsewhere.

I have to attend a class. My homework isn't done because I've been spending all of my time and energy trying to contain the evil. The teacher knows this, and fudges my grade. I feel like my classmates resent me because of it. I'm overstretched, though. The class is for a cello-like instrument. Not only is my instrument damaged, but in order to make a passing grade, I still have to play some songs for an exam, and they're too difficult for me because I haven't had time to practice. I feel overwhelmed and depressed.


06/14/14:
I have vague recollections of a nightmare. There is some sort of evil stitched-together zombie child. It's gray. It's stitched to a man's hip. I am trying to protect some other (living) children to it but it keeps "absorbing" large, bloody chunks of them and the whole situation is horrifying. I wake up but am still sort of half-asleep and the feeling of horror lingers until I fall back asleep.

My god this dream is groggy and fragmented.

Anyways I cannot recall the exacting details of what was going on, the surroundings were very blurry in the beginning of the dream. I was in what felt like the basement of my own home, but it felt larger and more spacious (That or I had become smaller). The basement slowly began to mesh with a dungeon looking space.
There were a couple of dream characters leading me away from some supposed danger. We get to the 'upstairs' that looks like an open tundra, just like Skyrim. But strangely it still feels like my own home as well. A kind of crappy groggy mesh the dream had created. Furniture was scattered about, and the hills and valleys somewhat mimicked the shape of the rooms.
Some attacking army came upon us, composed entirely of archers. They unleashed a hail of arrows. (Hey I thought those dream characters were leading me away from danger, not twoards it.)
I see one of the 'helpful' dream characters take an arrow to the knee. ._.
The dream started to get much clearer, and became the interior of my house. The feeling of the meadow was gone, but the general of the army, some barbarian and a handful of his archers were still present.
Manei (My dream guide) appears next to me, and just seeing her makes me partially lucid. Also something weird, she usually has really long black hair, but it was buzzed really short in this dream. The workings of my dream guide will probably never be fully understood.
Anyways, we are ducking behind the kitchen counter and the barbarians (for whatever reason) are not merely flanking us. Manei says she can execute some spell that will take away all of the soldiers, but she has nothing to deal with the general. So she does the spell.
The barbarian general approaches. He announces that he has only one arrow, but that he will make it count. He fires it and it ricochets around the room bouncing off of several objects before flying past Lia, slicing the side of her face. It looked kind of like that scene from 300 with King Xerxes. (Hangon, I thought dream guides were supposed to be immortal and unable to be injured. I saw her get punched through a concrete roof by a giant robot and she shrugged it off like it was nothing. But an arrow, Kryptonite!)
So it is at this point she tells me that I am in factdreaming. (Oh now you tell me.) Okay, so I guess I have to fight this loser. He pulls a pair of small axes from his cuirass. I merely stand and allow him to charge me. Once he is about 10 feet away...
FUS RO DAH!
The barbarian goes flying, smashing the front door of my house. I look out the door to see him land and tumble around in the street outside my house. I am suddenly awoken.