All DJ Entries

11-15
Dream: F and I are somewhere, she's acting very strange -- she was told that she's going to die? We go to a circular hole in the ground that goes deep down and has catacomb-like levels in its sides. In the top layers, I can see birds. There was a lot more to this dream but it's gone now.
(...) I didn't write anything down for a few hours so I lost most of my dreams, initially I thought I remembered 2 other lucids/semi-lucids. It's a shame what a couple of hours can do to your dream recall.
Dream: HS friend R and I are in house, become lucid, go upstairs and look at his computer in his bedroom, wake up.

Notes: Attempted WILD a few times throughout the night, I don't think any of my lucids were achieved this way though. Will keep trying to WILD at least once a week for this new "WILD Wednesdays" habit I'm trying to make.

11-14
Dream: In courtyard in front of apartment. Out there with F. We have clothes, our keys, etc. all laid out over trees and tree branches. We just came back from somewhere/are going somehwere? ... I'm in the same place but farther back towards the parking lot (the dimensions have changed, there is a stone cove with a fire pit to the right of us, and we're facing a grassy field and our row of apartments ahead). F now looks like someone else, and a character representing her friend J is also present. We are folding up some (pool?) umbrellas, and as J folds the last umbrellas we can see through the mesh a family of bears right in front of us! Their ears are very strange, sort of like a cocker spaniel's ears but straight up and down. They look angry but we try to maneuver very slowly so that they don't attack -- very intense fear in the moment. They start to come forward then retreat back towards the apartment in the grass. I think at this point my character was dissolved and I was relegated to observer to the F and J avatars. I watched as they made a run for it, J started kicking one of them, who all of the sudden had those kickboxing targets strapped to his hands to catch her kicks? And then ran away leaving F standing there. In the dream, I was really anry at J for leaving F there with the bears. I think this expectation/intense emothion ocmbo made one of the bears strike out at F, and she dramatically fell down, which increased emotion. ... I'm on the sidewalk, my character has returned, I'm fighting with F (maybe J?) and she walks inside a sliding glass door (not ours) and I spit on a postcard (???)
Dream: High school band/in theatre/band parents watching as band, kids, dance team perform a really bad routine to a song -- what song?/we raise our hands in a temple shape on cue in waves/everyone does it very poorly, Mr. D walks out/outside in hall/stairs talk to L
Dream: White marble stairs/Din. Moby Dick and church discussion/T from loose drawing to rl/dom
Dream: Blue juice/dad presents/appliance(?)/leftovers(indian or bbq ramen rice)/dogs and stitch bunny w/ nose fur
Frag: Tubes challenge/tents?/fluid/miniature woman -- linked to above?
Dream: Had an FA, then woke for real. Almost DEILD'd but really wanted to remember the previous dreams.
Dream: (Conan) I'm in a squareish room with dim blue light. I'm naked and just received a large orange banner with some tribal-looking decorations and a bird design throughout. Had a conversation with myself about birds in designs (it's cheating?). The fabric is warm as I unfold it and inspect the design. I drape it around myself and feel it being very warm on my dream body (temperature in dreams - good development). There's a mirror across the way, so I drape the banner around me like a cape and start miming sword fighting like Conan the barbarian as depicted by Frank Frazetta. As I strike my arms out each time, I hit the fabric hard, because it's moving/flowing at a slower timescale than me. My stomach looked far too concave in the mirror, almost hollow, like a bad sculpture.


Notes: I'm putting ... just to indicate that there was either a scene transition, or something did happen here and I just forgot it.

Morning of November 14, 2018. Wednesday.

Dream #: 18,958-02. Reading time (optimized): 3 min. Readability score: 58.



In a previous dream including my conscious self’s identity and to some extent in real life, I had been building a more extensive paradigm understructure for my online dream journal as a way to make it more idiot-proof, despite there being virtually no evidence that mainstream humanity has any understanding of the induction, dreaming, and waking processes. I had been focusing on “personifications of” while branching into more specific factors of vestibular system correlation, nexus simulacrums, and melatonin mediation. During this time, my dream self loses most of its present waking life identity while still holding a subliminal awareness of concurrent physicality and a minimal degree of lucid dream state awareness to where only a sliver of my conscious self’s identity remains extant; just enough to deliberately enter the role of another denizen to experiment with the dream space.

The backstory of an upcoming wedding comes to the forefront. It is a transpersonal thread adjacent to the virtual foreshore. There is the sighting of an unknown groom of about twenty-five in my incorporeal glimpse. I possess the body of a man who is about eighty years old to sustain his role in attaining a sacred stick from a secret area for the unknown young groom (who remains in another part of town), maintaining faith that any other sentient presence in the dream space will not detect me as an imposter. The interconsciousness borrows pieces of a setting that I had not lived in real life for years, making sure it is incorrect in design so that it is not mistaken for having waking life relevance or the fallacy of symbolism that the unintelligent pursue. I am at an erroneous version of the Stadcor Street house in Brisbane. This version of the house has an enclosed wooden back porch, which expands over the area that the utility room was in real life (though the utility room was at ground level). Another male, unknown, about the age of the man whose body I possess, is with me, remaining on my left (dream attention orientation, as I sleep on my left side). I do not see the house as a place of significance, and my dream self only vaguely realizes that it is an illusory model of a place I had once lived. There is little of my conscious self identity that remains extant.

We are to meet with a man who is over a hundred years old, known only as General. Another man who is about a hundred years old arrives first. The four of us briefly appraise each other. I marvel at how wrinkled their faces are. I nod to General, addressing him solely and lightly with “General.” He does not seem to suspect I am not the old man. I feel comfortable in my fictitious role. He had stepped from a back room of the house, perhaps the kitchen in assuming that this fake house was somewhat like the original. The other man had come in from outside. My dream self’s attention does not focus on the porch setting as the nexus within liminal space; that virtual bridge which I had entered thousands of times in previous dreams since early childhood. Despite “General” being a military association with the preconscious and interconsciousness simulacra, I do not anticipate dominance by their presence. We go out into the backyard. It seems to be late morning. I am holding a large irregular stick in my left hand.

We all have walking sticks, but the groom’s sacred stick is just beyond the backyard in a cluster of trees. In reality, this would have been our neighbor’s backyard, which was divided from ours by a small fence.

As I am walking, the other end of my stick, still being used with my left hand, somehow gets stuck between two small cages (the bottom of one and the top of the other). I am not sure if they contain any animals. A big cloth is covering them. It takes me a few minutes to pull it out. The man who had been with me, the first one, seems slightly annoyed and moves to help me, but the stick is already out.

Liminal awareness had established that I was sleeping on my left arm in an uncomfortable position, which became a factor of my dream’s scenario, altering its potential. My dream self absentmindedly points this out, with the stick, where my essence is, beneath the cloth (bed sheet) and asleep, my waking self “caged” within the virtual lattice of physicality.

---

So many dreams about Turkey. Here is another one.

I'm underground with some others. Going to a bridge. Come to a bridge base which is underground. I tell the other person, that some bridges allow you to climb and walk over the top of it, like the one in Sydney. This one had a steep incline and I was thinking we gonna slide off. But the surface was bumpy, and another person showed me how we are not going to slide down, when he slid down on purpose, but stopped by itself.

We got up and others were already waiting. A simple wooden door. I knew Istanbul is behind it. The door opened and it was raining. I had a feeling that it was some kind of a portal, because where we were standing, we were not in Turkey.

I asked others if any of them visited Istanbul before and few of them raised there hands. They agreed with me, how beautiful the city is, and I was happy I will be able to show the others, be their guide.

As we crossed the door, it was night. I was telling them that when we get to a city square, there were be a soldier in ceremonial dress and he is super nice and friendly.

There were other things we were going to look at.

A journey begins↘️
Woke 8am Wednesday 14-November-18↘️

In a full car driver male, two passengers and me
There appears a litle chubby puppy
Driver wants puppy out
I pick up puppy
Driver says " if it makes a mess it's out"
Puppy then wriggles off my lap
And had a big human size poop and wee
Then begs to get on my lap again.

The driver stops the car so puppy can get out
I say Im staying with the puppy
They let me out and they give me a long single handed trolly.
And a small tarpaulin for puppy and me to be under in rainy weather.
The car drives off and I am happy.
A few nice things happen

But

I cross a road-bridge under which flows a kind of
Thick, black, fast to medium flowing, river.

Then still pushing this long single handed trolly
It front of me
It is night time now
I see a man
sprawled out on the other side of the road
on the grass verge asleep (or dead)

Next I peak over mt side of the grass verge
And down a bit I see a spotlight
and two Disney Cartoon characters.
Porky Pig and a small character that I cant remember

I follow a path to go and see them
I lay out the things from the Trolly
Because this seems a nice place to sleep (eod)

I wake and its 8am Wednesday 14-Nov-18

Awake and I see the dream refers
the the Zero card of the Tarot

The Fool and the puppy about to go over a cliff
(The Porky Pig and friend was in a spotlight below the road)

I crossed over the river Styks befor I saw
the cartoon charactersin the spotlight.

The very long, single handled trolly
represented the stick and handkerchief bundle
tied to one end, over the Fools shoulder.

I the Fool with my puppy dog have stepped off the cliff
to be with the Disney cartoon charactors
And are now fast asleep.

What a dream

Im doing a Jungian couse online
We 6 months in. We are up to:

The Collective Unconscious and Archetypes
We already done the "Shadow"

Maybe the puppy
with the tiny, slightly brocken, human-looking teeth
IS my shadow

My and my shadow (2:21)

https://youtu.be/i-4uKgXRnpI

Booby traps.
⚘Over and over again.⚘
I dont see any go off
But he resets them
I and others try to be carfull
Woke at 11:11pm Wed 13/11/18 ↗️

https://youtu.be/VJmiIekAZXQ

Created Monday 12 November 2018

Got a DILD and some near-WILD REM Atonia states to note.

Scrap Group 1
Repeated states of REM Atonia, so noted by the sensation and sound of violent winds bearing down on me. I tried imagining the cause. This increased windpower dramatically, but otherwise did nothing else. I tried rubbing my hands, but could feel nothing of the sort. I barely nudged myself off my bed, only for an unrelated interruption to awake me.

Dream 1 - Sky-dal Wave

The visuals were a bit blurred, but clarified over time. I was riding in a van or SUV during a bright day. Several family members were there, though I couldn't distinguish either of them. Noticed we were by a local plaza, where we then turned towards one of the nearby condo complexes. Suddenly, I was shunted to the front seat, facing back. While figuring out what was going on, I began imagining random things. Seeing images of such floating ahead of me finally convinced me of the dream.

I climbed out the sunroof, then launched myself skyward. As I was some nearing clouds, I remembered to conjure a tidal wave as part of the TOTMs. A single stroke was all it took to do as much, the wave rising all the way to the heavens before it dropped out of view. I continued onwards, but noticed there wasn't any noise. Voicing sound effects fixed that in time. Just for the sake of thoroughness, I decided to repeat the task. So, after swooping down towards an ocean, I called for another wave. The tides violently took such a form, if smaller than I intended. I leaped over it, only to find a truly colossal wave was charging towards me, its roars deafening. I barely corkscrewed over its crescent to safety.

Next in mind was the world-splitting task. I blasted off out of Earth's atmosphere in an instant. Unfortunately, before I had time to notice, the dream destabilized, then collapsed.

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation

2018-11-13 00:21 So to take charge on the dreamwork project with healing rejser I have decided to run it myself, though I feel somewhat tired.
I don’t know where to start. It feels as if identification with psychological self is falling away. Over the past couple of days I have experienced that with every thought arise a history, a narrative a person-in-potentia. It is falling away and I realise myself to be infinitely broader than whatever thought, feeling or sensation that arise, yet I am also Dennis, an embodied, carnal and emotional being just the same.
I have experienced anger towards Cecilie culminating in an experience of being hurt. Simply hurt. The numbness and stupididty I felt when realising that is all I had been fighting to feel, all my anger towards her was trying to repress and what the suicidality was an expression of left me giggling, free and confused.
Speaking off. There has been much confusion. Mainly as I have found little to be ecstatic or happy about, no mission nor direction. Thus meaninglessness and confusion.
When I felt the hurt with regard Cecilie I started crying and placed myself down on a carpet. I saw myself a fetus in the womb of my mother and it felt as if I sent a team of light beings, angels to remind the fetus in the past that it was forever loved, before I took it and placed it firmly in my chest, now giving it love from myself to myself.
I want to try out permaculture, more embodied, more giving a shit about my daily life and the planet on which it occurs. No longer a saviour project (attachmentto the recognition associated with such an endeavour), but simply because I miss trying out more contact with nature in a responsible way, the way of a custodian.
I have felt curiosity about people. Like genuine curiosity, notable due the absence of trying to bring the conversation around to be about me. Either in terms of “I have tried something similar, when...” or “I totally get that, maybe you should look at it like… to….” or simply to demonstrate cleverness a hungry and hurt yearning for recognition, a desperation for fulfilling a hole that was futile from the beginning. I have seen the source, understood the principles by which the conditioning arose and battled myself to eternity to cling on to it, but it is faltering.
I have experienced the depths of despair, isolation and loneliness driving my thoughts into suicidal contemplation ever so more specific and concrete, to the point that I just 2 days ago considered writing my departure letter as a way of examining why I was thinking about quitting it all. This pain has driven me through profound anger at my heart, my soul and God. I have been piss fucking irritated at my soul and God for not really appreciating the nature of a mortal being and selfishly deciding to put a poor human being, and not only me, through whatever hurts simply so they can learn a lesson or two from an immortal perspective. Funnily enough this anger was followed by what seemed a remark from Raphael “you have a point you know”. I have been angry at my heart as I thought that was a spot in which I was supposed to find rest, but the more I dive in the more it screams “BRING ME YOUR SUFFERING” as it spreads out tentacles digging up collective emotional bull shit that is lingering below the surface and causing all sorts of havoc, wanting to feel it so it can be released. What a dick that heart of mine!
In my moments of darkness the room has literally seemed to go black and a voice have whispered “Well if you don’t need that soul...”. I guess if you open for angels, you open for all of them.
Yet then in meditation the whispers of Ganesh have imparted me teachings of regulating attention. It has shown me how desire with attachment to outcomes becomes a strong, single pointed focus – just as you would practice in meditation. The problem is you then manifest it. I have seen how I have been manifesting pain and suffering relentlessly.
All of this. All of this pain have left me severely questioning the wisdom of Ayahuasca. It seems that whenever I engage my desire for something simple, something human – love, connection and sex – I am denied. To the point where it has brought me into the realms of psychiatry, as it seems the plants are unwilling to help and assist with my predicaments and I now am scheduled to have a psychiatric evaluation carried out – do what you fear ey?
It goes further than that. Here I sit on the night where I have finally broken my resistance towards promoting myself. The pattern that obscured my actioning was seen, and understood in its complex simplicity.
When an urge to create and claim a slice of life for myself arise, in the concrete manifestation of simply promoting myself, a thought arise in response. “The world is already enlightened, you are no longer needed” - typically this would occur in interpretation towards an article read, a sentence uttered or something similar. In effect it would serve enough of a distraction to keep me from doing what I intended. Then when I engage with life and start seeing evidence to the contrary that maybe there are people out there suffering, someone I could assist a replacement thought would pop up, typically identified through some sort of inspirational video, article, cartoon or similar: “Well there are plenty of people out there much better than you, more suited to take up the task”. Then more examples would follow that would indicate that maybe you know I could be of service to some at which point the voice would turn distinctly sinister “Well Dennis you are a shitty human being, look at all of this shit you can’t figure out about life, you are not fit to help anyone”. Which would then initiate a period of intense suicidality, self-absorbed victimhood and suffering.
This pattern has been at times lasted weeks, if not months. But after I verbalised it to a good friend yesterday I have seen it manifest and resolve within the space of an hour, though the suicidality and “terrible human being” bit got channelled into actually getting a marketing post written.
My biggest fear is a funny one. I am actually afraid that upon resolving this inner conviction that I am not worthy of life, that I have no function to fulfil (it is tricky dedicating your life to helping people out of suffering, if all the world is already there just waiting for me to resolve my own bull shit so we can move on) that the enlightenment of the world will ensue. I would thus manifest my deepest fear, a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There is a lot of quirky stuff going on in my head (and oh my god don’t get me started on the bodily stuff), transformations and shifts in perspective are occurring at a rate I am so not accustomed to. I guess an apt analogy is that I have been thrown into a maelstrom in the middle of an infinite sea during a thunderstorm and am now learning to swim in these waters, slowly getting the hang of it.
But there is a fierce willingness also arising. A willingness to experience more. Despite the intensity I want more from life.
I can guarantee very little at present. The main thing I can say for sure is that I refuse to listen to the belittling voice within. I have empathy and compassion for why it arose. But I refuse to be worthless any longer.

2 night ago I had an awesome dream.

I was looking at some papers which I just finished writing on. I knew I was remote writing.

They were at least 3 distinct styles and types of writing.

One looked like a letter, with beautiful handwriting, small, slanted to the right letters. All uniform, same size, cursive.

Another one looked like a page from an encyclopedia. With serif typeface that was printed, rather than hand written. It was complete with images, and description of images.Topic was something about languages or grammar. I saw the name of a male author, which I didn't recognize.

Last one was a page with beautiful drawings I recognized as chinese style, but they were distinct. Golden and black inn color. It was maybe animals.


Last night:
I was with a group, on our last day of a trip to Azerbaijan. We were deciding if we want to stay at the resort, where I just discovered a spectacular looking beach. I was taking pictures of it with my iphone. Or, if we want to spend last day in the town to shop for souvenirs, and be closer to mode of transportation which will take us from there.

11-12
Note: These are out of order and I'm missing a few, I didn't have amazing recall last night because of my dog moving me into strange positions and almost kicking me off the bed as the night went on. Another strange thing I noticed was no mention of 9 in any of the dreams I remembered, and instead the almost constant presence of this mountaintop room.
Dream: FA in dark room, extended version of my own, but it should have been obvious it wasn't. I was thinking about dreaming and even about what I wanted to do in my lucid dreams, but I was convinced I was awake and was trying to shut my eyes. I could see through them though (I convinced myself I was seeing through my eyelashes). Really should have caught this one
Dream: Longer dream in warmly lit orangish-yellow room, with windows all around the north and east walls. At first I'm sitting with my back against the south wall, sitting at a folding table. I see Gillum, he smiles and walks away -- feels malicious. Some time later I'm over at the east wall facing the corner, in a desk which I've "moved into" -- there's some weird system of school assigned seats + work + real estate going on here. Out of the window I can see a beautiful but vague mountain view all around -- blue skies and white snowcaps. I see the two younger indians from work (who were in the walking on water dream). They say that they're moving into a desk three away from mine. One of them has a broken arm. Later, the older indian man comes and says he wants to take that desk. I inform him they want it. He seems distressed and a negotiator (played by an actor whose name I can't think of -- but he always plays the shifty salesman/negotiator in movies). He says he'll offer them 300,000, or break their legs.
Frag: A woman is driving a car in an old-fashioned holiday movie version of NY at night. I know her from a previous dream or earlier scene in this dream, but I'm a camera, not a character. She crashes into another car or people off-screen, and the camera pans to an oddly dressed doorman/paperboy/announcer standing on a grate balcony over an inviting bar with flashing lights. He makes an announcement/proclamation in a grandiose but silly way.
Dream: In Walmart, I'm waiting in a line for self-checkout, but the lines are oriented in a strange way that I've never seen in any Walmart -- they're perpendicular to how they normally would be. I'm with F, but I see a few people passing, and casually examine them. Then I see one woman who eyes me suggestively, and I make a point of looking away and talking to F. I don't know what this dream means.
Dream: I enter the warmly lit mountaintop room from before, but from a darker hallway in the southwest corner. F is at a table facing away from me. I approach her and become lucid. [Censored for DV]
Dream: I'm not sure where I was looking back at it, it's highly probable I was in the warmly lit mountaintop room. I see an attractive girl and become lucid. [Censored for DV]
Frag: Vague memory about a house?

November 9, 2018

Grocery Store

I was in the grocery store with my mom and dad. I think we were on vacation though. One of them wanted some special chocolate candy that we could only get there, but when I went to look for more because we already had some, there was no more. Then I had an idea that I wanted some double stuff oreos. They had some of those but they also had chocolate dipped ones. I don't think I got any oreos because then I was looking at Italian frozen food. I looked at some pizzas but they weren't what I wanted, so I settled for some baked ziti.

Escape

I’m in what seems to be a bathhouse—a basic, no-frills rectangular room with a concrete floor, on the large side, with a number of small pools and folding screens that can be moved around. Although the setting also seemed shifty and indefinite in a more basic way—a “I had this dream early in the night” kind of way.

Weird things are constantly happening there, strange figures materializing and disappearing again in a sort of timeless convergence - it almost seems like there's nothing outside of this place, even though in one sense I arrived here at a definite point of time - but nobody else seems aware of it. But this is normal: I hadn’t been able to see them once, but I had been through a long process—all of it, every stage. I go over it in memory: some parts of it had been unpleasant or even frightening, but there’s nothing frightening about it now that I can see the whole of it instead of just pieces. It’s familiar—it even feels like home somehow.

I seem to have come here with two young women, and at some point—it’s very difficult to say what order things happened in in this dream—I say to one that this is a special place, that you can feel it in the atmosphere. I’m curious if she can feel it too, on some level. At some other point, perhaps earlier or perhaps later, one asks me if there’s anyone here I’m interested in romantically. I say that there is one person, but I’ve only spoken to him a couple times. And he hasn’t shown up here for a couple hundred years now—but I feel it’s best not to mention that.

Also, at one point, one of them is arranging stuff around a pool we're going to use. There isn't enough space for two people to do it without getting in each other's way, but I don't want to just sit there, so I clean up some of the central area at the same time.

Later on, towards morning, I have another dream. I’m now in a large house with my bouzouki instructor for a lesson. I have the impression that it’s not his house or mine—that he’s an employee here. There are interruptions to our lesson—we have to temporarily leave the house at one point and go somewhere else in a car.

But we do make it back inside eventually, and he tells me to go get something. He gives me directions to the room and tells me to get #5, indicating approximately where in the room I’ll be able to find it.

It’s only a few rooms away, and I make it there without difficulty. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to call this house a mansion, but the room I now find myself in wouldn’t be out of place in a palace. It’s richly decorated, 18th-century style, in blue and silver. There’s another doorway on the other end, and one of the longer walls, to my left, is covered with shelves, all of which are lined with ornate silver music boxes. They’re all individually numbered, and #5 is one of the farthest to the left, about mid-way up.

It occurs to me that people who decorate rooms like this usually don’t like other people coming in and messing with them. But, at the same time, this place has the look of an archive. It will probably be OK, then. I take the music box off the shelf. It has its number and what seems to be some notes about it carved onto the top in a rather messy handwriting.

I open it there—but unfortunately, I can’t really remember what happened then, although the dream kept going. Before carrying it back, I notice what looks like a bone flute lying on the floor, the only thing out of place here. Perhaps a child was playing with it and left it there, I think.

(8.11.18)

I am puttinf lucidbunnie's dream
in my dj so I can always find it
I add ⚘ where lucidbunnie separated paragraghs
Because I always format paragraphs to the my almost illiterste 5/6 year old can follow
(I havr DID there are three of me)

⚘Creating alternate timelines...⚘

⚘
Hi there,
⚘
Has anyone of you experimented with time manipulation? Like changing any past events? Please share your experiences.*
⚘
I had an experience today that I felt like sharing. I have been pretty down with the anniversary of my SO, Kana, passing away come and gone. I have one of my emotional breakdowns and cry myself to sleep. Pretty common for me when I'm out of my antidepressants. I had this dream:*

Alternate Timeline (time-dilated dream).
I'm not sure what to make of it.

⚘

lucidbunnie

Alternate Timeline (time-dilated dream)

1 Comment*

by*

lucidbunnie
⚘
*, Today at 07:55 (40 Views)
⚘
Note: For Privacy reasons, I will leave out
the dates and some of the details.
⚘
I find myself in an unusual world, it felt surreal,
but I'm not a stranger to this kind of experiences.
I didn't have a body.
I was a floating point of consciousness.
It seemed everything was made up of
pieces of reflections.
It's hard to explain.

I ask my guide where I was
and I hear her voice in my mind -

"The Fractal World"

and she explains it interconnects different realities.

I was fully lucid all this time.
I decide to go into the past and try to save Kana.
I didn't focus on a time,
I just wanted to be taken to a time
that will ideally help me save her.
One of the fractals pulsates.
I go towards it
and all of a sudden
the world collapses and I wake up in my bed.

⚘

I was groggy.
I do a reality check half-heartedly
and confirm it's not a dream.
I look around sleepily and
was surprised to see I was in my old bedroom,
the one I shared with Kana.

I look to my side and she was lying there awake
looking at me curiously.

I become wide awake.

She looked so frail.
I grab the phone and look the day,
it was the day she was taken to Casualty (ER)!
I try all possible reality checks multiple times
and none of it shows I'm dreaming.

I have had time-dilated dreams that are so realistic that reality checks become unreliable.

⚘

Kana says weakly that it's not a dream.

She says that when she finds me doing reality checks repeatedly. I feel her temperature and she was chillingly cold as if there was no life left in her... exactly like it was that day.

I didn't care if it was a dream or not at this point.
I am not going to let it happen again.
I insist we go to ER right away
and this time we go to*another*hospital.
The hospital we were going didn't have our best interests.

Something I didn't know back then.
I had my own health problems
leaving me sort of crippled,
but I fought through it despite the pain.

⚘

The hospital we were going to were unprepared to treat her from day 1, so instead of letting her survive and seek treatment elsewhere, they kept making her go for tests day after day without telling us what's up.

It only became clear after she passed away that they were unprepared to treat her condition. So, essentially they were milking us of any money we had until she died instead of letting us go get treated elsewhere.

They even refused to admit her in a room saying they were full.

It came up later that they didn't admit her because they couldn't treat her.

It was easier for them to have her die outside their hospital.

So, long story short, not only did they not save her, they made her suffer a lot by having her do the same expensive tests over and over.

However, what actually killed her was not her condition... it was septic shock from a procedure they did without anesthesia in ICU without consulting anyone or asking for Kana's own consent.

Not only it was traumatic for her to endure the pain with no sedatives, the area got infected from contaminated equipment leading to all her organs shutting down.

They didn't even do resuscitation when she flatlined a day later the proedure saying there was little they could do even if they revived her.

She managed to hang on for around 1 day after the procedure saying she doesn't think she's going to make it but didn't want to leave without talking to me.

That night, they didn't let me stay beside her holding her hand as she wanted.

They said they don't allow "visitors" after visiting hours.

Next time I was called in it was to let me know she has passed away.

During her last moments, we had given her tests and scans to another bigger hospital which was quite a bit farther away. They said they were well-equipped to treat her, but now it's too dangerous to move her because her body was shutting down from septic shock.

They were furious why we didn't bring her there before the procedure with contaminated equipment. It was still safe to move her before they did that precedure which pretty much sealed her fate.
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So,

in this dream reality, I wanted to make a difference.

I knew how it'll play out if we go into the same hospital.

There is still a chance to save her if she doesn't get contaminated.

I try to get Kana up from bed, she had no energy. She says she was too weak to go anywhere. I ask her to do it for me and she gives in.

I manage to take her to the big hospital. I'll skip over the details. Few days pass. The flow of time was realistic. She was under treatment. She was in ICU for a day but got her own room when she was ready. She had some surgical procedures to treat her actual condition. The day she passed away comes and goes and she was still alive! I did reality checks every chance I got...

it was still not a dream.

I was happy, was I stuck in a reality where Kana survives? I was overjoyed. I go back to her room and tell her about this other reality where she doesn't make it. I give her a long hug and sit down beside her. She holds my hand tightly.

⚘

Kana: "I'm sorry..."

I look at her confused as tears fill up her eyes. The world around me distorts into fractals and I "wake up" in this reality, 3 years in the future, back in a world without Kana. I don't know what to make of it. Was it just a "dream" or did I experience a parellel reality where she survives?

⚘

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Tags:*astral,*fractal world,*hospital,*kana,*lucid,*nightmare,*time dilation,*time travel
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Categorieslucid*,*nightmare*,*false awakening*,*memorable

Comment

LighrkVader*-*Today*13:04

*|**Reply by LighrkVader

That is completely mind blowing. I don't really know what to say. I hope you're ok.

Note: For Privacy reasons, I will leave out the dates and some of the details.

I find myself in an unusual world, it felt surreal, but I'm not a stranger to this kind of experiences. I didn't have a body. I was a floating point of consciousness. It seemed everything was made up of pieces of reflections. It's hard to explain. I ask my guide where I was and I hear her voice in my mind - "The Fractal World" and she explains it interconnects different realities. I was fully lucid all this time. I decide to go into the past and try to save Kana. I didn't focus on a time, I just wanted to be taken to a time that will ideally help me save her. One of the fractals pulsates. I go towards it and all of a sudden the world collapses and I wake up in my bed.



I was groggy. I do a reality check half-heartedly and confirm it's not a dream. I look around sleepily and was surprised to see I was in my old bedroom, the one I shared with Kana. I look to my side and she was lying there awake looking at me curiously. I become wide awake. She looked so frail. I grab the phone and look the day, it was the day she was taken to Casualty (ER)! I try all possible reality checks multiple times and none of it shows I'm dreaming. I have had time-dilated dreams that are so realistic that reality checks become unreliable.

Kana says weakly that it's not a dream. She says that when she finds me doing reality checks repeatedly. I feel her temperature and she was chillingly cold as if there was no life left in her... exactly like it was that day. I didn't care if it was a dream or not at this point. I am not going to let it happen again. I insist we go to ER right away and this time we go to another hospital. The hospital we were going didn't have our best interests. Something I didn't know back then. I had my own health problems leaving me sort of crippled, but I fought through it despite the pain.

The hospital we were going to were unprepared to treat her from day 1, so instead of letting her survive and seek treatment elsewhere, they kept making her go for tests day after day without telling us what's up. It only became clear after she passed away that they were unprepared to treat her condition. So, essentially they were milking us of any money we had until she died instead of letting us go get treated elsewhere. They even refused to admit her in a room saying they were full. It came up later that they didn't admit her because they couldn't treat her. It was easier for them to have her die outside their hospital. So, long story short, not only did they not save her, they made her suffer a lot by having her do the same expensive tests over and over. However, what actually killed her was not her condition... it was septic shock from a procedure they did without anesthesia in ICU without consulting anyone or asking for Kana's own consent. Not only it was traumatic for her to endure the pain with no sedatives, the area got infected from contaminated equipment leading to all her organs shutting down. They didn't even do resuscitation when she flatlined a day later the proedure saying there was little they could do even if they revived her. She managed to hang on for around 1 day after the procedure saying she doesn't think she's going to make it but didn't want to leave without talking to me. That night, they didn't let me stay beside her holding her hand as she wanted. They said they don't allow "visitors" after visiting hours. Next time I was called in it was to let me know she has passed away. During her last moments, we had given her tests and scans to another bigger hospital which was quite a bit farther away. They said they were well-equipped to treat her, but now it's too dangerous to move her because her body was shutting down from septic shock. They were furious why we didn't bring her there before the procedure with contaminated equipment. It was still safe to move her before they did that precedure which pretty much sealed her fate.

So, in this dream reality, I wanted to make a difference. I knew how it'll play out if we go into the same hospital. There is still a chance to save her if she doesn't get contaminated. I try to get Kana up from bed, she had no energy. She says she was too weak to go anywhere. I ask her to do it for me and she gives in. I manage to take her to the big hospital. I'll skip over the details. Few days pass. The flow of time was realistic. She was under treatment. She was in ICU for a day but got her own room when she was ready. She had some surgical procedures to treat her actual condition. The day she passed away comes and goes and she was still alive! I did reality checks every chance I got... it was still not a dream. I was happy, was I stuck in a reality where Kana survives? I was overjoyed. I go back to her room and tell her about this other reality where she doesn't make it. I give her a long hug and sit down beside her. She holds my hand tightly.

Kana: "I'm sorry..."

I look at her confused as tears fill up her eyes. The world around me distorts into fractals and I "wake up" in this reality, 3 years in the future, back in a world without Kana. I don't know what to make of it. Was it just a "dream" or did I experience a parellel reality where she survives?

Created Saturday 10 November 2018

Got a FA/WILD/DEILD loop to note, along with some scraps.

Scrap Group 1
Various false awakenings, most in unfamiliar settings. One had a little girl huddling to me, like a scared daughter running to her parents' bedroom. I had no idea what to do. Another included a room with a small window behind me, the light of early dawn peeking in.

Several brief DEILD transitions and lucid FA, each of which collapsed when I tried to move, and transitioned with one or two minutes of waking between them.

Blind DEILD transition in bed. I rub my hands. In fact, I rubbed them so vigorously, that my palms burst into flames. The conflagration spread quickly, bright orange light flickering through my eyelids. Hurt like hell, but I somehow remained calm. Even so, I woke up a minute later.

DEILD transition in bed. After some concentration, I summon my guide, E beside me. Fun ensued... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) The dream eventually collapsed. DEILD transition two minutes after.

Dream 1 - Moody Underground Run

Blind LD transition in bed. I reach beside me, and, as expected, felt that my guide was already there, if completely nude. I seized her, then pulled us both through the mattress and into the Void. With the visuals now faint, I noted the startled expression on her face. I tried imagining a more scenic view, a forest under an aurora, but that didn't seem to happen.

After seating E on my shoulders, I opted to simply run off to find such a destination. In time, an underground environment formed around me, a structure made of ruined concrete. My guide suddenly began panting heavily. Reckoned she was tired, despite me doing all the running for her. But as I looked up from the floor, I noticed rows figures around me, all females in bed robes, each suspended lifelessly in the air. Whether they were floating, or hanging from a noose, I did not know, nor did I want to find out. Despite the macabre view, I never stopped running, dodging below and between the stiff figures.

In time, the structure narrowed into winding tunnels of dirt and loose stone, twisting to curved slopes. More women were huddled silently by the walls ahead of me, each alive, but gaunt and made helpless from despair. Perhaps to suit the mood, the World 4 theme from Eversion began sounding in the background. In any case, I continued more or less undaunted.

Steadily, the environment began becoming clearer and brighter. So too, in a sense, did the structure. Dirt and rocks were slowly replaced with grated steel and smooth concrete, until eventually, the surroundings resembled an urban transit area (well, minus the actual trains and tracks, but I digress). What's more, the women around me appeared much healthier and were much more lively overall. Curiously, they each were also only dressed in less concealing bedclothes. Concurrently, the music subsided. Much of this view somewhat reminded me of one of my earliest recorded dreams. I glanced up expectingly at my guide, who only simpered back at me.

It was only then that I noticed my strength slipping away. Each step now strained me greatly, and E's weight was finally bearing down on me. I could barely haul us both towards an emergency exit. But, the second I tried opening it, I immediately collapsed. So too did the dream.

Scrap Group 2
Something about being on a black haired giantess' head. I rope down a strand of her hair to get at eye level.

Something about stopping a giantess from rampaging in a city.