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I'm in a game. As a rule, a game has a win state. A condition for successfully completing a predetermined task. But this is a dream and here, the games I play don't have win states.

I am in a grand fantastical realm, up in a round tower, the top of which has a balcony along its circumference also accessible via a cliff. Inside, I am seeking for some object. An object to win? Or an object to allow my progress towards a win? There are many objects scattered on the tables and shelfs. But nothing seems useful or glorious. I only find objects that I remember from false memories but are now useless. What is my purpose in this game? I am lagging.

The tower owner is coming. I hide outside on the balcony assuming she will be displeased by our trespassing. But my ally is not motivated to hide. From the doorway he tells me to just get back inside and he goes back in, to my surprise. The owner catches him. He is a hedgehog and she wants to pluck each of his quills. On top of that, the game's ultimate villains have located us. The situation is so grave, and this is a dream after all, so I come back in, confident in my own infinite power. I summon chaos. And now the people in the tower are multiplied so the enemies are diluted, and we are now all bird rabbit creatures pointing at each other in slow hand drawn animations. Amidst the chaos and the change in visual aesthetics, I make it out with my ally the hedgehog back into the original graphics of the game, and on that same cliff. We proceed through a cave and into a giant room. The ground is water and the room is scattered with platforming structures. There are many other people competing against us in this game. I want to win! But what is the win state? Where do we go to win? What do we do? We make it across the room and the way out is above. But it's too easy! The room is so big. I go back because I feel dissatisfied. I want to win. So many competitors. So much to explore. I climb back toward the center.

"There are snakes!" Someone warns me. Indeed, snakes are scattered here and there on the platforming structures. Resting and ready to attack. I decide to take the offensive. I am now hanging from a vine and take a bow and arrows. I aim. Miss. The snake has seen me and has taken a woman's form. She calls out at me, defying me and ready to come attack me. Luckily, I am out of harm’s way but another player is now hanging on the vine with me and we sway. No matter, I aim again. This time, I get the woman right in the stomach but she does not care. She says I gained a 10 points bonus but now she is swimming toward me. The vine sways further and much closer to another snake. I aim at it and fail three times. There are only two arrows left. The snake is now a beautiful woman, but her face does not hide she is a predator. The other player with me asks to try so I hand her the bow. Meanwhile, I climb around and come toward the snake woman from behind. My ally fails to get a hit and is now in the woman's clutch. Desperate I take a hold of the snake woman's head and try to snap her neck but I am disgusted by the violence and I am made weak. I don't want to hurt her but she looks at me unphased. Her face tells me she will kill me as soon as she can. I spot a silver fang resting on the platform. Reluctant, but knowing it's her or us, I grab it and stab her in the neck. Her blood starts seeping out but I keep hold of her. Why are we doing this? I fill a salt shaker with her blood, wanting there to be a reason for this violence and hoping her blood will somehow be useful in the future. She dies and falls in the water below.

I make my way back toward the room exit. On the way, I find the hedgehog. He's a boy now. He tells me our other friend is in the next room. I make sure to not lose the salt shaker with the blood. It must have some use. There must be a reason. In the next room, there's a library. What's the game? Floor is lava? We stay off the ground. I climb up and push bookshelfs hidden above. I throw books. Some elderly men who are not players like us are on the floor and looking at me with exhausted surprise in their face. Evidently, the floor is not lava but this is a game. There must be a game. A challenge. A win state. Yet, these men are not playing with us. They must be the enemy. So, I throw books at them and kick them. They shuffle away.

My destruction is stopped to listen to a narrative. This is a dream. But it's isolated and so my destruction does not destroy the dream beyond and does not disrupt its inhabitants. As an example, I am presented with a statue of Voldemort which also attempted to wreak havoc in the dream world. Luckily, he was isolated in his own dream. I get the sense that I have been watched by entities of the dream beyond and they keep those doors closed to me. But maybe not permanently. Gazing at Voldermort’s tormented face, an effigy of my own naïve violence, I wake up.

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I have been neglecting to write up my dream journals at length. These are notes from the last month sans narrative.

1/11/20

Hanging out with Korn
Nate doing back up vocals for them
I scream with them in a performance
Upstairs in one of their rooms
Monkey says cool we have enough fans
I say ok in that case you guys suck ass
Why don't you make some good music?
They laugh
They are doing an acoustic set practicing new music in their living room
It is a large room with many mementos
I sit off to the side and listen
The girls are brainstorming what to decorate themselves as
I recommend fairies or elves, they love the idea
There is a fancy marble stair coffee table that has a fancy chess board in the center of the room

1/13/20

Jeremy's truck pulling trash bin
Nate's tequila pond idea with Chris and Andy
Party in the backyard people jump the fence into my neighbor's pool
In the basement of my middle school, there is another shadow school
I attend a guest class with other adults
It is about lucid dreaming, Smile is teaching
There's a list of dream websites I ask him if he used Dreamviews he says no
Park my car at a strip mall and go into a costume store
Everyone wears different costumes
Turns into a sickbay by the entrance
I see Mel teaching different craft classes for kids
She talks to me about the teacher from my middle school
I wander the parking lot at night clicking my key fob trying to find my car, other cars keep beeping instead
I see other cars that are my model but different colors
Eventually, find my car and drive away

1/16/20

Old times video game flea market
I stow away in a minivan with two girls in the back
Aleeya likes me, her friend texts me an offer, and her picture
Ride all the way home with them
Hide from the parents

Their family runs a BBQ Restaurant that is incredibly popular
People line up around the building waiting for them to open
I gather their brisket is world-renowned

I am in downtown Kyoto
Part of a school trip but we have wandered off from the group to explore
Huge skyscrapers all around and fancy shops
Feels like a mall
I am with a friend at first but we get separated
I am dressed in all green/pirate pagan wear
I put on a foam life jacket I find by one of the booths
Look in many stores
Fancy glass store
The woman asks me if I need anything
I smile and say "I have no needs" and continue to browse.
She tells me the clocks are in the back
I am blown away by the detail and variety
I ask my friend if we can just book a single night Airbnb and stay downtown away from our group, he isn't sure

1/20/20

Guy shows me the tomatoes he grew, hands me three
I accidentally eat one and feel bad about it
It tastes good
One of my friends Elijah eats the other one
I only have one left out of the three he was showing me and feel bad because he did not offer me to try them
I am babysitting his kids while he is at work at a church
My shower has drywall over the tub and I am using a smaller section
There are three showers in my bathroom
I am on a video call with Leyanna
I am more buff than IRL

1/21/20

Who is Erwen?

1/22/20

In Spanish class
Smoke some weed and put in eyedrops
Class votes on who's drawing is the best on the board in the back
Everyone votes for Cody's pop can
Everyone knows he's dead
I leave the class without looking
Come back and ask the teacher to show me
We talk and I tell her he was my brother
Start to cry while I talk
The teacher is compassionate
She is younger now

We are now in Bosnia/Romania
My car is in a side lot
It is glistening purple electric in the sun
Another person is telling me how to take care of the paint with a special tool
I get in the car and three black guys get in the back seat as well
I ask them where we are going fellas
We drive down the street and they are content

I am with a girl who is my interest
We kiss occasionally
We are on crowded city streets and walking between cafes
We swim in a pool together, maybe skinny dipping, I have no shame

I am in front of a restaurant
Using a special tool with metal spheres on the end of it to break the glass corners of a structure at the entrance
As one side breaks, it sprays fine glass shards down one side of my face
I gather I am making the entrance into something new
A car with an older man pulls up and watches me work for a few minutes
He is confused
I try to explain to him what I am doing
He shrugs and drives away

1/26/20

Parents decide to go out to dinner with another couple, they are meeting another couple at a restaurant.
I am upset and tell them I disagree with their choice because it isn't safe to be meeting in groups of six yet.
I crawl into the car to express my dismay and they have a daughter of the friends in the backseat. The daughter decides to stay at home with us and so does the father but he quickly disappears somewhere.
It is G myself and her hanging around the house for the night.
It begins storming outside and we notice 2 tornadoes forming in the distance so we all rush in and go to the basement to bunker down and wait it out.
The wind and rain are very loud

In another house
Rundown and flooded in one entrance
The other door has a large hornet hive on the outside of it that buzzes viciously when I touch the door
The home is decrepit and seemingly uninhabited for quite some time
I walk back and forth between the two entrances trying to decide how to get out

I am in another room with several people
There is a young African American boy being violent with myself and others
I warn him to cut it out
He continues so I tackle him to the floor and pull out a shotgun I find on the floor and press the barrel against his cheek
I say now you stop this now or I'm gonna put a huge hole in your floor directly behind your head.
Someone else in the room giggles
He nods his head slowly with wide eyes
I pump the shotgun several times to empty the shells from the barrel
Only 2 or three of them are good cartridges the others seem to be crumpled and bunk

At a certain point, he finds a gun on the floor and starts waving it around jokingly aiming it at me
I scold him and tell him to never aim his gun at anyone, never let the barrel point at another person he doesn't intend on killing.
He moves the barrel to the side and up and down trying out the technique, I nod.

I am back in the house from earlier in the dream, only now I know it to be an Airbnb type setup and the family is away but coming back today.
We have only lived here for a couple of days but I feel like cleaning up thoroughly
Opening the windows and scrubbing counters and doing dishes I realize the house was much dirtier when I started than the mess we made
Check out is 3 pm and it is almost 4 o'clock and the family gets home while I am cleaning
For some reason, I have a large pot of water on to boil for mac n cheese
I almost throw away a series of canisters like garden pots or trash cans that are all stacked together
The owner tells me they are "odds and ends" I gather this is a hoarding family and may not take to my cleaning house that well. Oh well, the kitchen is clean and the fresh air is starting to clear the space.

1/27/20

Driving from the passenger seat
Keep changing seats, driving from the backseat
A cop turns around and follows me into the neighborhood

I attend church, Will Smith gives me a turban, Shaq shows me how to put it on
Boys and girls are separated
We celebrate afterward and I learn Dave Chappelle was there too

Beginning of a middle school Sunday school class, I joke they have to audition
People go along with it we all laugh

1/31/20

Get hooked by a helicopter fishing line
One large hook goes through my right foot
The other is in my right hand
They land and still pull me along
My toes and top of my foot have been mauled and gory
My knee and leg are torn up too
It doesn't hurt but I gather I am in shock

I am driving someone's white truck back to the spa
I select quick travel and the truck appears across the street from the spa and I am standing inside suddenly
Nothing looks recognizable
There are dozens of employees just standing around
Several clinic-based modalities have been added and I gather there are several doctors working for her now
It is more like a doctor's office than a relaxing spa
Mel is kind and tells me to have a look around
One of her eyes is all red
There are many new walls and walkways I have no idea how to get around.
The float section of the spa has been dumbed down and all the old murals have been painted over
As I walk back I try to walk through a room that has people laying on cots/hospital beds
A doctor across the room talking to another doctor raises his hand to me and shakes his head as if to gesture not to come this way
I try to go around but all other walkways lead to this room
I take the long way around and exit the spa
I am in a mall now and the spa has an entrance with many signs above it
So many partnerships it isn't even recognizable as a float spa
I am sad

2/02/20

In a big church service
Everyone had taken off their shoes
It ends with a congregation in the back wanting to sing a long traditional song
The pastor wants everyone to sing it
The smaller congregation is from an older church and wanted to sing it for everyone else
Everyone tries to sing it at once and it sounds horrid
An older man in the group at the back is pointing at me
I cannot keep my balance
Everyone else is turned around watching them
I am standing in front of everyone
The pastor has everyone restart the song but has a favorite kid begin the lyrics
They are on an overhead projector at the front of the room
It has like 5 verses

2/03/20

Boxing fight hug punching
Food festival giveaway large tent with a band
Tryst with Em, put up a tarp from rain
They cut people's hair
Nighttime kings island run
Bathroom with ancient symbols
I have seen the real thing
Shoot purple energy from my hand
I am magic and elusive
The invisible one is someone else and threatens our family

2/04/20

I am in Hank Greens classroom talking to him
Just happen to be there
We shake hands he's happy that I'm a fan

We are in a food garden
Outdoor pavilion, many vines, and varieties
I eat part of a huge avocado
The seed is soft and makes me sick and woosy

A cult wears blue and white
They are super defensive
I am wearing all blue and questioning them
I see my old guitar teacher in the leader's inner circle
I try to introduce myself but they scoff in metaphor and riddles
I don't understand a word they are saying to me
The leader looks like Kenneth Copeland
We have a 1 on 1 exchange
He has glowy red night time eyes
He talks for a few minutes and everything segues to much later, we have all been put in a trance
The leader is deposed somehow
We party at his end playing musical instruments like a bluegrass jam band
I play a stand-up bass on its side
We are in a theatre

We witness a boat coming down the snowy icy street very quickly and doesn't see the water's edge
As he approaches the intersection his boat plunges under the water by the angle he was turning and he goes under the ice
I gather this is a problem and he might need help
I see his boat barely surface and his body is limp
I jump in the fridged icy water and swim towards him
He's in bad shape, I pick him up and get him to the shore, he's not just knocked out, his body is pretty messed up
His eye is all red
His limbs are eviscerated and barely holding together
I pull out my phone and begin to dial 911
I gather he's not going to make it
He starts to come to
I tell him he's going to be ok
Just relax, just relax, you're ok man, don't worry you're going to be alright
I am deeply worried he will realize how bad it is and freak out in his final moments
The more I look at him the worse it is
In the final second, he realizes how messed up he is, his eyes go wide, and then still
It is over

2/07/20

Meditating at the bottom of a pool
Slow-motion choreography fight
Android woman all metal
Dad's backseat with spiders
Victor's party house, escape from police
The horn says $500!
Ben wears cyber goth BDSM wear to impress a young blonde
There are different tribes of post-apocalyptic gear wearing folk

2/08/20

In theatre to watch show laying on the floor in front of seats, I have a ticket
Argue with people in front who are mad I'm not in the right place
Use light to read the ticket and find the right seat
I sit in the very back
There is a massive explosion elsewhere while I'm in the theatre
I feel shockwave

On phone with a Russian girl, I am undercover
Sitting on a pergola next to the house smoking a cig, it is disgusting
Rick rolls up in a wrecked green car held together by duct tape
The car rolls over when parked wrong on a wooden grass divider I help him escape

Stalked by an ancient mummy
In a hospital, I press the "feeling down" button in the elevator
Makes an appointment with someone
I have a badge
They don't let me in the employee's area
Another nurse talks to me
I vent some and describe being stalked
They don't believe me
Christopher Eccleston is with me

I am in Jamaica
With a disabled family
Most of them are in wheelchairs/hick like
They tell me it costs 4k a month to live there
It is a large family celebration
They eat chicken tenders, sliders, and cheap pan pizzas
One of the siblings is a sentient hand in a jar
I want to find Mokko
I have no money or supplies, just my clothes
They point me down the road

I walk by myself for a while
There is a large music festival going on by the path
Some white girls notice me but I keep walking
I see Matthew walking by in a crowd, I call to him
He is somewhat annoyed for me to meet him
He tells me he is doing a collab with ML7
His hair is a large purple fro
I ask if he can show me the way to Mokko
He agrees and we walk down the path
Many run-down communities and farm places
It starts to rain hard and it is night
There are 4-5 feet of water we are traveling through
They are walking on bundles of straw that are standing up in a field
We are all soaked
Matthew goes ahead and I lose him
The friend is not ML7 but we walk together
He is short white and wearing black-rimmed glasses
He tells me ML7 is overrated and only good at Anna, we laugh together

We walk into a large tree community
Carved pathways and many rooms people/families are living in
I lose the friend
I am by myself for a while
I befriend a jamaica guy
We talk about Jamaica
I am passionate and he can see
I have no money so the panhandlers leave me alone
We see a couple of girls dressed as fairies
One tries to do magic and makes a small boy levitate
My guide climbs behind him to the second floor and reveals the kid was on a string
It was a sham to get money out of tourists
I have no money or possessions
The Jamaican guy tells me he can see a part of jamaica inside of me
Something is here for me to find

Jamie 1

Not much to remember. It was a dream like a memory or something and she was in it. IK was waking up saying, "Jamie."Thankfully I sleep alone in this case.

Jamie 2

Funny dream. Had this last night. i'm standing in a house with jamie and some other girl. The girl keep saying I should also marry another girl, and i know who she meant. I kept saying, "That girl is already married, I'm not into that." And the girl kept saying How me and jamie should get that girl involved. I kept saying no and repeating myself. Jamie was smiling at me, thinking it was funny. I realized it was a joke and I started laughing at it. Bth me and jamie were laughing about it. So that was good I guess.

Seems me and Tammi stayed for some reason at my ex's mom's house. Her mom says ex will not see us. Good to see me and respects me, but we have half hours to leave. Later we are driving and some man on foot takes off running to cut us off. We race along winding mountain road to try and get ahead of him. The car goes off a cliff and we are left hanging from side. I can see a super powered villian down on the next area. She is a hot woman in leather (not much leather. lol) Have hero battle with her and win. We end up making out after.
Later I am at Laura's house. She is leaving. I am in a bed at her father's house. I realize there are cameras everywhere. Three of them pointing at the bed.

7th February 2021

Scraps:

Something about being outside with H. I see -14C on some temperature monitor. At some point I comment on how it feels just the same as 5C or something to that effect. It's a dingy and relatively cloudy day, can't remember anything else.

We were travelling near the river and came to a large gate across the bridge. We sort of phase across the river and are now on the Boise Green Belt. I notice I am now totally naked and many people are around. I think,, "why do people always have dreams of being naked in public, sheesh." I half heartedly cover my stuff with a hand and walk forward to a bin I know will have clothing in it. It does and I start looking through it trying to summon clothes that look cool. Someone mentions that I should not wear clothes out of a bin as they probably are infested. Hmmm, makes sense I guess. They offer me some clothes but it is an old style night gown. What ever, I put it on.

Created Saturday 06 February 2021

Neat. Got an LD today and a near-LD fragment. There was more I recalled before the morning, but memory of such has since faded.

Spoiler for Another long one:

Dream 1 - Task of the Year 2021 - Task 1

The visuals started blurred. Wasn't sure where I was, only that I was in conversation with my brothers. We were reminiscing on old video games. I 'daydream' about one such game, the scene a highway ramp overlooking a bay during dusk. Inexplicably, I'm sent stumbling into this vision, and run down an incline.

Soon, I find myself in my exercise route, hurrying east during late dusk. My breath gives out much too quickly. I'm left so fatigued, I fall supine between a complex's entrance. Several people and vehicles pass dangerously close by.

After catching my breath, I clamber up, and struggle to jog. My pacing improves to a run, then a full sprint. Suddenly, I fall straight down a steep, unexpected incline, and into tunnel-like depths. I lost my footing, but found I could hover at increasing speeds. Navigating these dizzying depths made me realize the dream.

The scenery collapsed into a dark, foggy void. I concentrated to maintain calm. Once I felt sufficiently free of doubt, I thought of taking on the TOTY. I called out to the dreamscape in which I was floating. "Alright, dream.", I intone. "Tell me my superhero name. Even though I'm sure it'll be FireFlyMan (my old username here)..."

Some time later, the dream responded with a flurry of spectral voices. One I could distinguish as my niece yelling 'Tio!'. A high-toned male voice called out 'Thaddeus'. Another shouted 'John'. Many other voices uttered even more common names.

This, obviously, was unsatisfactory. "C'mon, I need a superhero name.", I grumble.

And then, a deep, menacing voice speaks. "You know who you are", booms the unknown figure. "You. Are. FireFlyMan."

I sigh in relief. "Thank you."

Now, I needed an outfit. I look at my person, a faint blue light reflecting on my skin, and see I'm still in my bed clothes. "Okay, dream. Gimme a costume." I look at my right arm, glance away, and look again. Nothing has changed. I repeat this again and again for over a minute. Zilch. This was getting annoying.

At the peak of my frustration, the voice returns, intoning with dramatic pauses. "And he arrives, in a chopper."

I suddenly found myself on the seat of a large motorcycle in motion. It was a kind of Harley-Davidson, or perhaps a knock-off. No idea on the model, exactly (I've no strong inclinations towards bikes); it just seemed the stereotypical heavy bike with glossy black body and chrome framework.

"Okay, I could work with this.", I muttered with a shrug. "Now, about my gear..."

The voice calls out again. "He's dressed, in leather."

I look down, and find myself wearing black baggy leather pants, brown leather chaps, and cowboy boots, the latter two complete with tassels. Above the waist, I wore only a leather vest. This discount Village People cowboy/biker get-up... yeah, it wasn't for me.

"Er... I was thinking of something more... professional? How about a tour...?"

"A black leather touring suit.", the voice interjects.

Now, I was indeed wearing a vintage black touring suit, the jacket including two large pockets. This also came with black combat boots, and a pair of leather gloves of similar color. It all fit comfortably, and the jacket really looked snazzy.

Still, I felt something was missing. "Hey, how about some protection?"

I immediately given a wide hard shoulder/chest pad covered with metal studs. It looked too flashy for my tastes.

"How about something more practical?"

Now, my armor was replaced with a much plainer looking kevlar torso protector, the chest and back piece strapped at the shoulder and waist. Attached to it was a set of decorative metal plate pauldrons of reasonable size. Wasn't really a matching set, but oh well.

The voice booms down yet again. "...a face-concealing motorcycle helmet." And I was instantly wearing as much.

"A skull helmet.", I demanded. My vision discorporates and scrolls out. Below, I could see print covering much of the helmet, an image of a cracked, jawless skull, its teeth (where it wasn't missing) jagged, and a single glowing eye on one of the sockets. Nice. "Oh, and can you make the visor bigger?" The headgear's visor widened on command. Very nice.

Looked like a success to me. I restore my vision, then decided to just enjoy the ride.

A minute later, the dream voice bellows unexpectedly. "And he comes equipped with a knight's lance..."

Suddenly, a green lance is couched under my right arm. "That's actually... kinda cool.", I blurt out.

"...and a combat knife....", the voice continues.

Now, I find said knife in a sheath strapped on my left arm. "Okay, we'll worry about weapons and powers next time...", I mutter.

"...and a lighting [sic] baton." Such an illuminated object was thrown ahead of me. Instead of having a glowing head, this metallic baton had a bunch of lightstrips lining its body.

" ...I guess that would come in handy..."

"...and a hot chick.", the voice roars, accompanied by the sound of a rumbling flame and a low explosion.

"...huh?"

I turn around, and realize that there was indeed a hackneyed svelte blonde clung onto me. She was wearing a blue mesh dress, a bikini of similar color flagrantly visible beneath. Much of her hair was tucked away in a light blue sunhat, and her indifferent eyes were covered with shades.

I fought hard not to laugh. "...going overboard, don't you think?"

Ahead, the void merged into a more inviting scenery: a sunny beach. I sensed a lengthy adventure awaited me. Too lengthy, I feared. I decided to quit while I was ahead, lest I lose any memory of this experience. I make a hard sideways skid on the sands. Soon, the dream collapsed.

Scrap Group 1
Navigating a series of scaffolding high above in a clear dawn sky. Various family members, both close and distant, were seated around, including my siblings, and two of my cousins. They were chit-chatting on recent events. I float around cross-legged. I almost got aware, when the others distracted me by claiming it was 4PM. I bemoaned having been asleep for over 16hours. They also I 'reminded' me of an incident at a beach, where I got in a fistfight with some light skinned guy with spiky black hair. Flash back to me running in a wilderness trail near the beach. I stop to stretch my arms, when, without warning, a bike rider passed by me from behind, almost colliding with me. It was that aforementioned jerk. When I returned to the beach, that guy confronted me. He accused me of trying to hit him earlier. I argued that not only was this just a near-accident, but that by not signaling me, he was responsible. He got unreasonably irate. Cue him starting the fight. We were pulled apart before things could get out of hand. Cut back to me running in the trail. I trip, and fall hand-first on a grapefruit-sized ball of semi-dried dog crap. Infuriated, I chuck it at a road median visible beyond a row of trees.

So I broke a long dry spell. Lesson here is: stay consistent with your reality checks. Found a dream character I was looking or quite easily too through just sheer expectation.

6th February 2021

Dream:

Outside, daytime. In a town that's a mix of several towns from my native country, though I can't think exactly which ones. They're probably ones I've passed through over the years. There's a large open area in front of some apartment buildings.

There's something going on in town about an environmentalist group or some kind of rally. They get told to clear off eventually, despite the fact that they'd actually been given permission to use a large area of the square. They were not being dispersed, it was more like a concert was supposed to take place next and they were getting in the way?

I'm with someone, a man, an associate of some kind.

The dream cuts to a restaurant place. The man is with me and we're meeting up with a woman who's our friend. We sit at a table by a wall, or a corner. It feels tight everywhere in the restaurant and there isn't much personal room, even when we're sat at the table. It's one of those tables that has a round sofa thing.

We discuss what had been going on at the square/plaza area.

The dream implies we ate and cuts to us being in the restaurant kitchen, cleaning dishes because we had no money to pay with. This bit has cold light, but feels kind of dark too.

When we're done cleaning the dishes, we don't put them away and just leave them to dry. We go through a service corridor of sorts and at the end is a door to the outside. This stretch of corridor resembles a stretched out version of the hall of where I live now. I open the door?

Mom and dad appear. It's night time outside, they're here to pick us up. Dream cuts to an urbanised area, like A, but flatter.

Some recall is missing; there's some kind of transition or implied setting. There's a Mech Commander context now and I am commanding the red faction. I have a mission to defend a base I'm in. My units start to be overwhelmed and I don't do too well in managing everything, but eventually I notice I actually have unlimited amounts of certain mechs, warriors and equipment units. I try to use this to my advantage but feel it may be too late?

Something about sending an airship of sorts to drop a large bomb, but not on the enemy?

I am needing to bring my recall back up, so I used a voice recorder to help me remember my dreams last night. In some parts I know it is a dream, but do not have that moment when I would seize true lucidity, even though I had intended to. So many missed chances!
-I am in a night club and go into the bathroom but the light does not work. I find the urinal but am concerned this is sort of a seedy place and I need to be careful (thought- just a dream don't worry: did not pull full consciousness, missed chance). I go outside and it is night time. I do not see my car where I think it should be. I see a blue Challenger (mine is red) and people are near it. A couple members of Motley Crew are over there, I some how know (missed chance). I do find my car but it is not parked in a marked stall; it is in the middle of a lane (missed chance). I notice I feel very drunk! I stop and evaluate my perceptions. I do not feel normal at all! (missed chance) I wonder that I do not remember drinking and why did I get trashed if I have to drive? (missed chance). Suddenly cut away view of many cocktails on a tray and it represents earlier in the night (missed chance). I consider sleeping in my car, but do not want to be arrested. maybe i could pull it around to the back of the building. cut away and view of back side of building (missed chance). No I should not get in the car at all because I am barely functioning and having trouble focusing (missed again). I wonder if there is a restaurant i could go eat in and wait to sober up? I get out my phone but nothing makes sense and the internet is all screwy (missed). Oh hey, there is a restaurant right there and I can see a waitress through the window (was not there a moment ago= missed). Find out it is not a walk in place but a drive through (was not a moment ago= miss). Oh hey, a Mexican walk up place next door (suddenly? miss). I can not figure out the big overhead menu, I seem so messed up I can not read (miss). Maybe it is in Spanish since I am in Nampa a town 16 miles from my home of Boise (why am I at a bar in another town? miss). Maybe I could drive home drunk? It is a straight shot down the freeway. Cut away to view of route home (miss).
In bed with red head I would never be in bed with (miss) and I am eating a giant cucumber (miss) but she wants me to put it away. I say I am going to eat it real quick and crawl to hang over side of bed. I peel it with my teeth and it is all drippy. Some how this morphs into me chewing on a very hair thick rat tail like thing. Thought- don't mess up my dream, imagine it is say her arm, seems more like a tail but pretend and move close to the girl, yes an arm, there it is (failed to pull full awareness so I could go on a lucid adventure-miss). Now we are walking through airport doors. We have been in Denmark (why across the world with no back story?(miss) For some reason we had needed to get married to avoid legal troubles but not wanted it annulled.
-out drinking with my sister and the bar is on other side of overpass. We will need to run along the freeway under the overpass (really?-miss)When it comes my turn to go I get down and see I will be with in inches of cars if they come, and I can see headlights. Better hurry. I run but the sheet I am all wrapped up in might trip me (sheet?-miss) I get through and there is a fenced off area blocking my way back up. I worry a police might see me so I crowd into a corner and put the sheet over me like camouflage. I can tell a wild cat is rushing me and jumps onto the sheet all angry making growling noises. I make grunting noise to scare him and flip the sheet at him. I actually wake up physically making snorting noises.
-Golf scene I need to chip onto the green out of rough, wife is near by but others are too. We have to wait our turn. As my turn is coming I am lost try to find my club. I have been holding a clownishly large driver, then I find one but the head is off the shaft. I want any chipper at this point but find a head like a meat tenderizing mallet (miss). During this time others have moved ahead of me. One person on their swing through out a weird giant hot wheels track ahead of them and then threw their ball that way.(final miss)
On the bright side a couple lucid moments in there and not bad recall

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

I have a neighboring farm and I go knock on my neighbor's door to ask if he wants to sell me some chickens or chicks as I want to start my own chicken coop. But he says he won't sell any of his chickens. Gives me the number of the guy whom he buys from. His wife doesn't know what's going on when she arrives and looks jealous, thinks maybe he gave me his phone number. So I am amused and decide to stay around and talk to them more. Meet another girl who is staying there in a caravan or something, and she has a fish in an aquarium she wants to show me. I go into her place and at first it looks like an aquarium itself, then as we talk and she shows me her strange things, it turns into a very modern house, interactive. The walls and floor are interactive screens and our physical position is interpreted as a mouse click when there are options. Good for exercise but a really stupid concept, because some options are across the room or even near the ceiling.

On the airport to embark and I meet 3 dudes who are clearly morons and just came from some riots like those at the US capitol. They think I am one of them so they are bragging about their deeds and future plans to attack other places. I am recording everything in my cellphone.

At some parade or demo with environmentalists I know. I get a bit lost, get into side alleys. I get scared when I see in the dark what seems like a wild animal coming at me, but as it approaches, I see it is some little girl with beautiful curly hair. She looks frightened and exhausted and I embrace her and give her some solace. She says she comes from the mountains and bad men attacked her village. Bad men from Exxon or Shell, the ones we are demonstrating against. She says they had to flee. I ask for her mom and she says with bitterness that her mom run away in another direction and didn't care for her, so she run down the mountain to the town. I ask for uncles, brothers, grandparents. She cries saying there is no one else. I am heartbroken and I just wanna take her home with me. But I also think on the back of my mind that this child could be faking for some reason, so I am cautious.

Date: 02/02/2021
Bedtime: 3.30am
Awakening: 6.50am
Return to bed: 7.10am
Awakening:
Recall: reversed

*Ozzy Osbourne is a lone hero seeking to exact revenge upon the forces of evil that, through witchcraft and black magic, have victimised people with rape, torture and murder. The demonic dark shadow is on the prowl and its crimes are literally sketchy—ranging from cartoon images to fully-fledged film-like scenes. A song that appears to be sung by David Bowie plays as Ozzy hunts the demon. I wake up a few minutes before 7am to use the loo.

*Three people around a table summon a dark demon as tall as a tree constantly whispering the unspeakable. This demon possesses through their feet if they are dirty and touch the floor, cursing them forever. I am one of the three, but I remove my feet from the floor at the last minute as I watch the other two get devoured by supernatural evil. I run away.

Date: 03/02/2021
Bedtime: 3.40am
Awakening: 8am
Return to bed: 8.05am
Awakening: 10.30am
Recall: sequential

*An armed terrorist is plotting to blow up a church run by unpleasant people. I know about this when I befriend him. Eventually, the dream plot turns into the set of a film where we are playing our roles. Drunk Barry is now the armed terrorist ad-libbing off-script which upsets the other actors. He is also shooting characters when he's not supposed to and for some reason the director cannot cut. He shoots me which means I have to pretend to be injured. Then he tries to do it again to kill but I grab the gun as he wields it and make him miss. He gives up on me and sets his attention on other victims playing their roles. Channing Tatum is the next target.

*In London which resembles a Dickensian era and streets have French names. I work for a company in an office job with geeky colleagues who resemble the comedians from the Triggernometry podcast. One of them is trying to impress a female co-worker by getting naked and walking past her workspace. We are all laughing at him because she is clearly not interested. We go to a pub and I see a man that looks like porn star Ron Jeremy, wearing an unbuttoned shirt revealing a hairy chest, ordering a beer.

Date: 04/02/2021
Bedtime: 1.15am
Awakening: 2.30am
Return to bed: 2.35am
Awakening: 5.30am
Return to bed:
Awakening:
Recall: sequential

*Hitmen are after me and try to kill me. I'm a great fighter and manage to murder them and disguise myself in order to evade authorities. I am tracked down to a public swimming pool with a massive slide which I end up using during a fight. Massive muscular men come after me and I continue to fight them. A colossal Mexican man who works as a chef is defeated and I make fun of him afterwards. Suddenly, Zanguief from Street Fighter—who happens to be the strongest man in the world—challenges me.

*I'm walking through a desert and I start filming a fast-moving UFO darting across the sky towards the horizon. Suddenly, I notice a peculiar saucer-shaped drone apparently observing me and subsequently bumps into my camera. Looming over the horizon, I notice a huge mothership. I feel like the world has been invaded by aliens and hordes of frightened people are running away from the spaceship. But I notice that they are running from military men on the ground who begin to capture some of them and enslave them—as though they are forming a dictatorship on the go. They come after me, too, and they get pretty close. They look like cartoons that escaped from an arcade game. The situation feels nightmarish and I wake up.

4th February 2021

Fragment:

I'm with JC, we're walking together through an alternate version of my town. I remember asking him about his family's cafe or something, I ask if it was located near his house (I visualise it a bit) and I'm generally asking him questions about things I'm sure we've talked about in waking life, when we knew each other.

Initially we had been at some kind of school or public building, leaving. We walk through the areas of town, which are much more open than usual, but the buildings seem proportionately expanded as well. We're headed somewhere specific, towards where my home is, but I forget the exact destination. I feel we're walking from the physically lowest part of town. It's day time but I think I remember a sunset at some point.

Fragment:

(Complicated dream, vague recall.)

Something about being in some starships and some kind of ancient device on a planet. A wild grain field of sorts, that's where the device is located. I and four others come to it, and it requires five people in total to activate. It forms a sort of pentagon if it were viewed from above. It's comprised of five adjoining capsules of sorts. We get in them and they are like lifts, taking us down. We are then inside some starship of an ancient design, resembling ancient Mayan stylistically. It's a rectangular stepped pyramid with powerful thrusters, effectively. I remember it breaks through the crust and the thrusters smoke a lot, seemingly struggling a bit too.

Fragment (FA):

I'm in bed with H or something. It looks like my parents' old room but with a layout more like our bedroom. There's a unit with a seven-segment display across the room, it says 20:16? Eight PM, either way. I tell H that we'd stayed in bed far too long. H seems surprised but doesn't do much to get up? We're both naked, I think.

I then remember being in our office room and thinking it's amazing that it was still day time at 20:16, more specifically at this time of year, but I do not question reality.

(Recall mixed here.)

On the computer, playing BL. Trying to find my way through some portals, with H, so we can get to KH. I end up on a dead-end player-owned location. It looks like a nice location, but I feel annoyed for wasting my time.

---

Notes:
- The false awakening was unusual. For one thing, I rarely have false awakenings at all. The dream presented some very obvious dream signs that I did not pick up on at all and I still managed to find myself in amazement.
- Recall was overall poor because of having to get up to answer the door somewhat abruptly and then I returned to bed wanting to get up soon, but didn't, falling asleep again.

I had the car dream set at granddads house again last night for the second night in a row. Like the dream I had the night before, it was really physically and emotionally uncomfortable. In the dream last night, mom was also really snippy and controlling.

When mom told me to go ahead and get in granddads car and buckle to the front middle seat, as soon as I tried to argue about sitting in the middle and getting in the car before she was ready to go she snapped at me and told me that I could either get in the car and buckle in the middle of the front seat or I would be grounded.

When mom finally got in the car and was trying to get it started after my sister and I had to wait for her for what felt like forever, she kept getting in my face and telling me that I needed to calm down. I never even said anything to her before she started telling me to calm down.

When she discovered I stepped in dog poop, she screamed at me about not watching where I was stepping and not checking my shoe when I noticed the car stunk. She told me to give her my shoe so she could clean it and for me to stay buckled in my seat.

After the battery went dead after she got back in, as I was asking if I could get out she snapped at me again and told me that me and my sister needed to stay in the car. I woke-up from the dream while she was looking for a jump start.

Not sure why she was so snippy and controlling in this dream, but it made me fell even more uncomfortable.

I had another car dream last night set at granddads house. This is the first time I have had once since last week, and was the longest I have been without any since the dream started a few weeks ago.

The dream last night followed the same pattern as the others I have had recently. The main change I noticed in last nights dreams from the earlier ones was that it was much more uncomfortable riding in the middle than in any of the other ones and it was really bothering me and getting me on edge that my mom and sister were both pressed-up against me and seemed to be repeatedly invading my space while I was stuck between them.

While my sister and I were in the car waiting on mom to come out and get in, I could always feel her body pressed up against my right side. She repeatedly would put her head on my shoulder and her face right my mine. When I kept trying to get her to stop talking about granddad and how he was near death, she wrapped her arm around me so I couldn't ignore her and kept getting right in my face.

When mom finally got in the car, I had her body pressed-up against my left side and my sister pressed-up against my right and I felt really squished. While she was trying to get the car started, both she and my sister kept invading my space telling me I needed to calm down, which just made me feel more trapped and on edge while I was stuck between them.

When mom discovered I had dog poop on my shoe, I first had to deal with her getting in my face and getting after me for stepping in it and not noticing it while my sister was in my other ear talking about how gross it was and how bad it smelled. I had to keep dealing with her invading my space and whining about how bad it stunk while we waited in the car for mom to clean my shoe.

When mom got back in the car, and I though she had finally been able to get the car started she leaned in front of me to adjust the mirrors while my sister invaded my space to change the radio to her favorite FM station and then started singing along to the song playing. I felt really uncomfortable having both of them in my personal space.

I woke up for them dream right after mom discovered the car had cut off when nothing happened when the put it in gear and pressed down on the accelerator. My sister was leaning into my space while mom was turning the key and nothing was happening.

I think this was definitely the most uncomfortable I have felt riding in the middle in any of the dreams I have ever had and really felt that I had no personal space and was squished between my mom and sister.