false awakening

Ritual: WTB 2:30am, after a little over four hours of sleep I strap the vibrating alarm to my wrist, set for 35 minutes. When it goes off it wakes me very definitely. I lay still and try to DEILD but can feel that REMA is broken. Turn down vibration strength to minimum, note time at 7:20am, and try again... same result. Remove alarm and go to sleep normally. Next time I wake up, try again with better success... at the time thought it was DEILD but realize now it must have actually been a DILD because I was not in my WL bed, so it must have been FA rather than real waking.

DILD-DEILD: I wake up and remember not to move. I am lying on my right side, but I am in a bed in my grandmother's house. Momentarily I wonder why I am there, but "remember" that I am visiting her. Oddly, in retrospect it feels like my lengthwise orientation—the directions my head and feet were respectively pointing—was also the opposite from how I sleep WL, and that the bed was on the opposite wall, sort of like the whole room was a mirror image of my WL bedroom. But since everything was in the same relative position to everything else, I'm not sure where that feeling came from.

I try to DEILD and at first I'm convinced I'm physically moving but REMA seems intact so I relax and explore my sensory awareness. Finally I just start to rock back and forth, until I feel confident enough in my dream body to get out of bed. The door to the hall is open, and on the other side I can see the living room, lit up by a Christmas tree with beautiful golden lights. I know it is my grandmother's house in Texas and don't realize that she hasn't lived there for years.

My awareness is fairly low all around and I don't recall my tasks either. Aimlessly I go outside and spontaneously a magnificent chestnut horse canters up to me, already saddled. I used to ride a lot in Texas so it is probably the result of mental association. I caress the shoulder of the horse and put my left foot in the stirrup, barely able to reach that high as the animal is quite tall. I start to pull myself up and into the saddle but I lose my balance and get "stuck" with my right leg halfway over. I waver there with my left leg in the stirrup and my right in mid-air, somehow unable to complete the movement. Finally I force it with an act of will and get astride the horse, but it doesn't feel right, the proportions are all wrong. The mental dissonance wakes me (although I am now convinced this too was an FA).

FA(?): On waking, I review the dream and recognize my mental error in thinking that I had been visiting my grandmother's old house and that it was Christmas-time, but I thought I was at least correct in the position of the tree, and remembered seeing in that spot one year. Now that I am fully awake, I have my doubts even about this: my "remembered" layout of the house was all wrong, and I don't think I ever even visited at Christmas time.

DILD-DEILD: I didn't think REMA had broken yet so I tried to DEILD again, and there were some ambiguous successes that I don't recall well (I still suspect the whole thing was a DILD, and that even most of the "transitions" occurred entirely within the dream state).

At some point I am back in my WL house, and I open the front door to go outside. After the stunt on the horse I wonder if the door will impede my progress and, probably in response to my thought, I discover that after I open the first door panel there is still a second one to go through, but I try not to cause unnecessary obstacles for myself and go through the second door easily.

It is very foggy in the front yard, and it is also a wide grassy area with scattered trees rather than a busy suburban street. The fog is making everything vague so I go for the tried and true, "Clarity now!" I shout it a few times and the dream responds, a bit sarcastically overdoing it. Now everything is too sharp, almost pixellated. I can see white and black birds with incredible definition in their pattern and plumage, but the focus is too sharp to look comfortably real. This is preferable to the earlier fogginess, however, so I go along with it.

As so often, I start instinctively singing as I explore the landscape. My voice is somewhat annoying this time, high-pitched and overly sweet, and there's nothing especially beautiful or memorable about the melodies I'm coming up with. It sounds like the sort of singing you'd hear in a mediocre mid-century musical. But I stick with it, hoping I can use it to influence the dream.

The landscape is pleasantly pastoral in all directions now. I am walking in an open meadow, and there are scattered trees here and there. I can't see any other figures, and I decide things would be more interesting if I could interact with a DC, so I decide to request one. I sing something about the "view," and then in the next line ask the dream to "send someone to talk to..." — and hesitate, having botched the lyrics. If I could end the with line "to you," it would have proper meter and rhyme, but obviously I wanted the DC to come talk "to me," so I tack the word "me" awkwardly onto the end of the line. It sounds so stupid that I break character and laugh at myself.

I give up on the singing and make my request again with a simple act of will. This works much better, and at once I can see a woman—of a sort—approaching me. She has a human torso but the lower part of her body is that of a large serpent, like a naga, and she resembles Medusa in having snake-like strands instead of hair. While I contemplate her unusual appearance, a second such creature shows up at her side. The face of the second one is thinner, with high cheekbones, attractive even, and her snake-hair is asymmetrically coiffed like elaborate dreadlocks. I find her appearance so striking that I want to complement her.

"I like your... arrangement." It comes out awkwardly because I realized mid-sentence that "hair" wasn't the right word and had to choose another one, but I'm not sure if she'll understand. "I mean your snakes," I explain hurriedly, hoping I'm not inadvertently being offensive by naming them as such. The naga I'm addressing studies me with a twisted expression, like she's not sure whether to be flattered or irritated.

I converse with them for a few minutes but unfortunately I can't recall what we discussed. Then they ask me for a favor: will I go up that hill nearby and tell their father that they're working on the project? It sounds like an innocent request, but I sense that there is something sinister behind it. I suspect that this is a ploy to lure me into their encampment, where I will be taken captive. As I hesitate, pondering their motivations, I can actually feel the pressure of their minds against mine, like they are attempting to work a subtle enchantment to compel me to go. I lash back mentally, and they both recoil.

Now the veneer of friendliness drops, and the two nagas become openly hostile. I don't feel like getting dragged into a fight, so I instinctively put an end to the situation. At the top of my voice I shout wordless syllables that sound like a whiplash or thunderclap—"Kuk-KAH!"—and clap my hands together at the same instant. The two nagas vanish into thin air. I am satisfied with how well that worked, but feel a faint pang of concern... I hope I didn't destroy them; I only meant to remove them from my presence!

The dream ends at this point. I wake up and start report around 8:45am.

I woke up in sleep paralysis and felt something furry sitting on the side of my bed. I had my eyes closed because I didn't want to be more scared than I already was. This furry creature was talking to me about myself. He pointed at different areas of my body using his claws. I was hoping he wouldn't stab me with one of them. I got to feel its hand even though the rest of my body was trapped from moving. I think it was a giant bear. I imagined it white.

I tried to imagine a new dream scene my picturing my self escaping my dream body out towards the exit door in front of me. Often times it wouldn't work because I kept losing my train of thought. I even pictured myself sinking in to the bed and popping up in to a new dream scene. None of that work. One positive thing did come out of this, though. I never yelled out for help. However, I did wake up mad.

When I woke up, or I thought I did, I found myself in my parents room. I was confused. I got up from bed and immediately walked over to the living room to ask her why she laid me in her room. I was angry with her. I didn't get her exact answer. It wasn't until I woke up again when I realized I had a false awakening. I woke up upset really about it(for not reality testing) and tried going back to sleep but couldn't because both my sisters and nieces started making noise.

NOT A DREAM | NON-LUCID | SEMI-LUCID | LUCID

December 31, 2014 - LUCID #3: Portal to Another Planet
I 'wake up' in my very dimly lit room, and somehow I just know I am dreaming; I'm excited but I keep myself calm. I try a little dream control by turning on the lights using the wall switch. Nothing happens. I try flicking my fingers. Nothing. I throw my arms in the direction of the light bulb while shouting, "Let there be light!" Still nothing; I give up trying to turn on the dream light. I want to go to a peaceful planet, so I expect a portal behind the door. I open the door and the portal appears behind the window across the hall. Close enough . But, from the master's bedroom comes Razor from Dota 2, seemingly on its way to fry my ass with his electric whip! Out of reflex, I immediately jump to the window, flying through it as the glass breaks around me. I zoom through the purple portal; it feels very similar to the respawn transition from Borderlands 2.

I exit the portal into some grass fields on what feels like another planet. I was attacked by some weird monkey-like creature that moves as if held by strings by a puppeteer above. I fend it off by slashing with an energy sword I made by swinging my arm in front of me. It doesn't seem hurt, yet it scurries away. I notice some friendly dwarves roaming around the fields; I approach one of them and he said something about a "pony pair," and then the dream starts destabilizing and I am not able to salvage it.

January 4, 2015 - LUCID #4: Firebat and Zombie Attack!
I 'wake up' in my room, and it is somehow tinted with orange-ish light. I notice that my bed is in the wrong orientation. This must be a dream! I do a palm-push reality check to make sure; and I'm amazed as my index and middle finger pass through my palm! I closely examine my hands; the realism is stunning; I can really see the oiliness and the creases on my palms, even moreso than in waking life. I take an M&M figurine from my desk; the way the light shone on it amazes me.

Suddenly, outside my window I notice some bats on fire, seemingly on my way to enter my room! I kneel on my bed which is next to the window, face the firebats outside, and I blast them with a freezing spell, and one-by-one they fall out of the sky! I keep blasting them until they are no more; there were about 7-10 of them. Then, my door slams open as two Walking Dead zombies march toward me, albeit at an incredibly slow speed (like a centimeter per second). I fire an energy blast at them; nothing. My sister and some dude arrive from outside my room, they try to attack the zombies with their own magical spells, but nothing works. I don't remember how, but they managed to get trapped along with me in the room... *facepalm* I do an epic OmniSlash using an energy blade I will into existence, but the zombies are completely unaffected; one of them even mocks me with an unenthusiastic "Eh." I make a plan to ghostwalk through the walls so the three of us can attack the zombies from opposite directions, but unfortunately those plans never come to fruition as I wake up for real.

This is probably my most memorable dream so far, in large part because of the amount of control I was able to exert over it. I would love to have another action-packed dream like this in the future!

February 10, 2015 - LUCID #8: Shadow Figure and Life Secrets
I 'start to wake up' in my bed but I feel like it's a dream. I try to 'open my eyes' but I could only open them halfway. Through my little vision, I see some shadowy figure across the room; sorta reminds me of Slenderman. I am filled with terror, but I somehow manage to keep myself calm. Through the power of my mind, I blast it with a heap of light energy; nothing. I try unleashing an omnidirectional wave of dark energy. It works; the apparition is gone! I am now able to open my dream eyes completely, and they even give off a feint light similar to a flashlight. I get off my bed and examine my face in the mirror. It looks normal, but the realism still amazes me.

I exit my room, and its position in the house is swapped with the master's bedroom. I push a button on the wall near me (which doesn't exist IWL), expecting it to open the lights, but nothing happens. I just continue my trek through the dream in the dark as I enter my sister's room. My whole family is sleeping there; I look at each of them and they awaken for a few seconds before going back to sleep, looking annoyed by the sudden lighting from my eyes. I look at the shelf across the bed, and I see a really thick blue book (like 3/4 feet thick!). The book is laid upside-down but I am still able to read its title written on the spine: "Life Secrets." I feel like if I throw this book at the floor, a portal will open up, so I pull it out but as I do so my alarm sounds off.

Man, that dream ending abruptly was SUCH a shame! I felt like my subconscious was about to tell me something important, but life has other plans, I suppose. I want to get my dream hands on that Life Secrets book sometime in the future...

Previous: Lesson 2 Dream

Dream Lesson 3: Overcome sexual distraction

Color Code: Nonlucid, Lucid, Partially lucid, Waking life notes

2/26/2015

I am on a street in town, going around having sex and/or kissing women I see.
I realize I am dreaming and try to remember my goal. It takes me a moment to remember my goal of attending lucid dreaming school. I am at the entrance of what I assume to be a school, possibly a college.
I meet a tall man in a suit. He is the principal, I think. I ask him about taking a class/lesson. I tell him I still have a problem with sexual distractions, but I'm working on it. As we walk through the building, he begins telling me things about lessons or maybe techniques, but he keeps using made up words so I don't understand what he's saying.
He mentions a teacher with the name "A." I ask to see her.
I see another lady and I kiss her, and I suddenly wake up.

I don't move, but I don't realize that I have already continued dreaming. I have a piece of paper next to me in bed, I am attempting to write a note about the dream I just had without moving very much. I am using an orange color pencil, or maybe a crayon, and my hand writing is very sloppy.
The same man as before appears and guides me out of bed and to a school chair/desk. I am saying to him that I was conflicted between continuing the lucid dream and writing down the first part so I wouldn't forget.
Once again, I see a lady and lean in to kiss her, which causes me to wake up again.

The dream continues but I am no longer lucid. I am back in art school, in a sequential art class. The teacher is angry and bitter and talking about how students like fun teachers but won't learn as much. He is being fired because too many students put frowns on his evaluations.
I wonder if he recognizes me, even though it has been many years since I was last in one of his classes.
I still feel very tired, and I am trying or I want to to return to a lucid dream. The class is over and I move to another seat. A new class is starting with the same teacher. A lady with a clipboard is seated next to him. She seems to think this is not the right class for the schedule.
I am not sure if I want to contine in this class, or to fall asleep and go into another dream.

That's the end of this dream. It didn't feel like a lesson on lucid dreaming, although maybe there is one hidden in there. I certainly see how I kept getting distracted by wanting to kiss people, which seemed to be what caused me to wake up.

I have an FA, I turn my head slightly to the corner of the window. The window was cold enough to have words written on it by someone. It stated why do you feel sleep? I began to rise my head up and my hands accidentally felt like it was touching a keyboard. I couldn't tell as all the lights were off. Suddenly I could feel something grabbing a hold of my body. I quickly realize I must be dreaming but once again it resulted in to another FA. I find myself waking up with no lights but when I look at the ceiling there was the vcr timer label there. As my eyes move so does it. I thought this couldn't be right but it soon disappear leaving me only semi lucid. Walking began to feel sluggish while the environment changes in to a cartoon show. I then soon discover why as my feet and hands were cover by huge chucks of sauce. A man was yelling at me for reasons unknown. Not long after I wake up. Lucidity Time: 34 seconds.

24-min focus on breathing meditation during the evening
bedtime: 20 breaths, followed probably by at least 30 minute intention setting, visualization, dream sign review, and pep-talk before bed. Hard to sleep, I'm so worked up. Take 2mg melatonin

I'm pretty sure I had earlier dreams before the epic, but the epic clobbered them

+ epic futuristic adventure: tram ride, guy takes my seat; real virtual reality system with 2 friends; "the meadows": floating castle in the sky is closing down for security alarm; poison attack, can I drink from this glass?; blasting bed with bazooka; DeForest Kelley acting presentation, he's doing a great job for such an old guy; dinner with the president: 2-foot long juicy BBQ beef sandwiches, large pitcher of fresh fig juice [how long did that take to squeeze!?]; heading towards "The Meadows", travel agency "cream colored cubic building in a fancy mall", attacked by thugs; conflict outside of building: the elders have "saved" aside us young people from the battle in order to rebuild the empire later

(The order of the scenes may be somewhat jumbled, there were so many)

tram: I'm riding a tram/train (to "the Meadows?"), it stops and the doors open, and voice says we must disembark and get back on. I do this, and when I return there's a guy/guys sitting in my seat. I'm confused, I'm looking at the seats relative to the door to see which one was mine. A bit frustrated I plop down in a free seat with an audible, annoyed "Humph!". A guy offers me the seat back, I say it doesn't matter.

real virtual reality: I sit down into a large "captains chair" (like Star trek), in a large room I'm with 2 friends, they're also sitting in identical chairs, both to my right, one a few feet away one about 15 feet away. I see that the system is engaging: VR masks/goggles are closing on my friend's faces. I sit in my chair and wait for my awareness to be sucked in to the system, because this is a "real" system where your mind is projected into a system. I feel my arms on the chair and try to make them comfortable, I think when my awareness is returned to my body I'll feel this chair again. Then I feel that my awareness is launched forwards plunging through a void, I keep waiting to emerge in the VR world but never arrive.

"The Meadows": I'm outdoors, I glance up into the sky, there is a huge floating technological looking castle/mansion there. There are security doors sliding shut all over the castle closing over openings, the building seems to be in a state of high alert/emergency.

I'm in a group of people outdoors. Someone arrives with a spray bottle/thing and begins spraying poison on people who immediately die. I'm far enough away from it (I'm on the poisoning side?) that I'm not affected. I'm standing in a room later, and grab a glass which is upside down from a counter and fill it with water and wonder if this is far enough away form the poison spray to be safe. I see that there is some sort of film/dirt floating on top of the water. Someone in the room says it's better not to drink so I don't.

bazooka bed: There is some (destroyed) small room with no walls outside. There is a bed in that heap of debris that must be destroyed. I'm holding a bazooka/rocket launcher on my shoulder and trying to find a vantage point to get a good shot. I'm moving around a while trying to get a clear shot (never shoot).

DeForest Kelley: in a half-lit room, people are sitting in a semi-circle on chairs. In the middle of them is DeForest Kelley, and old man with white hair. He's a famous old actor. he's laughing and giving a monologue. I think he's doing a great job.

dinner w/president: A group of people are sitting down on two long rows of chairs that face each other (like seating in an airport boarding gate). I'm sitting next to the president. I then get on a chair in-between the long rows and scoot away from and back to near the president. I make room next to the president because the #2 in command has arrived. Besides the rows of chairs is a small table with food and drink. On the table are several really juicy & delicious-looking 2-foot-long subway sandwiches bursting with circular slices of BBQ beef. Several people return their uneaten sandwiches to the tray and take one of the awesome new sandwiches. I'm standing by the table and pick up a large glass pitcher of a drink: I look at it and pour myself a glass, I see "bits" of fruit inside, it's dark, and think it's fig juice, and think wow it probably took a long time for the cooks to squeeze that much juice out of a ton of figs.

I'm on my way to the presidential palace called "The Meadows" (the floating one?), I'm describing the local of the (travel agency?) which will plan the rest of the trip for me. I'm "remembering" the location, and I say "it's in a cubic-shaped, cream colored building, in a fancy mall". I arrive and I'm not well received until they realize I'm a friend of the president then they treat me with great respect. I'm outdoors beyond this building and a truckload of thugs jump out and we fight: I'm blasting them with energy and awesome fight moves, we engage in some banter (which I forgot).

There is a large conflict outside a large building: us young folks were "tricked" by the elders and not allowed to participate, they're saving us in case the battle is lost, so we can rebuild the empire -- (this shouldn't be too hard because we have a floating castle?)

+ searching for my room in a weird club/hotel: hot tub, jump down a level, follow signs, my room is a public porta-potty in a noisy crowded area outside, I'm outraged

I'm in an indoor/outdoor location, like a resort, I hear a young woman laughing and see there's a hot tub nearby, I move to it, I see only a guy there, there's a girl hidden by the wall of the hot tub but I don't go closer to see.

I need to find my room, the number is something like "8901". I'm on an upper level of the club, and I go to the lower level by jumping off of a ledge, holding on to a bar over my head and slowly stretching my feet down and then drop, it's only about a foot left to go so it's not hard to land. I can't find my room, I go back to the upper level and a guide points the way, I go back to the lower level and follow signs "to the garden" outside, outside there's another sign that leads through an employee and guest only entrance (a sign says so), I see some staff there doing stuff, I move on and am back outside, it's in a busy public area and quite noisy. I find my room finally and am outraged, it is a public ports-potty. I have my key in my hand and think "should I open the door?" I'm embarrassed to have such a sucky room. I do open it (the structure is a cylinder) but there's nothing there inside. Someone says "you have to go through the glass door" I don't see it, some guy "activates" it by pulling on a large lever.

+ I want to wash/rinse/brush my hair but my friends ( MK, AK, others) are lying in a tight row blocking the faucet, kid passing in a car grabs my hand holding my brush

Outdoor/daylight scene, I want to wash/rinse/brush my hair, I have a brush in my hand. I see that our friends MK and AK and others are sitting down on the ground with their backs against a fence, the faucet I need to wash my hair is blocked by my friends, I walk up and down the line to try to find a way to the faucet. A car drives by and a kid in the back seat grabs my hand with the brush in it (my left hand) through the open car window. I'm trying to claw his face/shake him by grabbing his hood but I have no strength, all I can do is just stand there. [I wake up and my wife is pulling the covers, my arm is on top of the covers and it's getting pulled along with the covers]

+ I see cousins sitting down indoors (red interiors?), move to hug KR, turns out it's my sister and mom

Indoor, half-lit, red upholstery? I pass some of my cousins who are sitting down on chairs, I don't want to talk to them. I see cousin KR standing and I know we haven't been on the best of relations but go to her, she seems very warm and we move to hug, I realize then that she's my sister and my mother is standing right there with us. Some notion of people arriving in a minivan(?).

+ wife driving, I'm observing weird building after weird building, false memory deceives me, one looks like a giant flat screen TV, one is straddling a depression and is cracking in half, I'll return to inspect it later, one at the top of the hill has a great view, sit on bench with 2 small kids climbing all over me, I explain why I'm going back to school

I'm sitting in the front passenger side of a car/minivan, my wife is driving, we're heading up in to the B hills. I see a large building to the right that I don't recognize, I think that a large area of trees has been removed and that's why it looks different, I turn my head to the right to look at the building as we drive past, it's a company building.

We then pass a strange building which is built over a little gulley, the entire building is sagging in the middle like it's collapsing into the gulley. I ask my wife to slow down as we pass so I can get a better look. I look to the right and see a large flat driveway/parking area, I resolve to return to this place and look at it more closely.

Continuing to wind up into the hills, I see a HUGE building which is REALLY strange, it is very tall (5-6 stories) but extremely thin, I say (to my kid in the back seat?) that "that place looks like a giant flat-screen TV!), I turn my head around and look behind the van at the building as we pass.

We reach an area at the top of the hills and I see a house built into the hill, they have a patio build on an upper level were they can stand and enjoy the view. I look forwards out over the vista to the water but it's hazy/foggy and can't see any details in the distance.

I'm out of the car and sitting on a bench outside. A small boy and girl are sitting with me and climbing on me and playing all around, I'm hugging them, they're related to me and I feel great affection towards them. Someone comes and sits down and I discuss why I'm going back to school, the point is "to get an education, an education helps with….getting a job, and being, … a useful person."

+ my private room is also a utility closet, another guy comes in his room plays loud music, I grab a DC and move to a corner to make out (semi?); a repeating story is told about me, a famous opera singer walking through the crowd

I have my own room in some larger structure (community center). I'm entering the room and I see that the split door (bottom part / top part) top is open, I go out to close it, and back inside my room, I realize that I share this space with the center's utility closet so maids may enter(?). In the room I see a DC (indeterminate sex), take it into my arms, and walk towards a back corner, kissing it several times, and when I arrive in the corner kiss it more deeply for a longer while.

I'm outside the room (with wife?) and a man who works there, he's going outside in just a towel, his privates are visible, he doesn't care. Another man comes in (a Russian?) sort of short and hairy, he heads into his room which is next to mine, and starts blasting some really loud music, I move to see the source it seems to be almost from within my room.

I hear some narration that repeats several times about "the huge guy who's the famous opera singer who was moving through the crowd leaving the theater, and all the people turned to look at him[me], ignoring the scene playing on the stage". The voice also makes (a snarky?) comment about me kissing that DC.

+ (FA, LD #101) lying in bed listening to loud water rush through pipes in the walls, bed ejects me, get lucid, climb out window, look for girl, find one, undress her, count to 5 to calm down, wake up on "..3…"

I wake up in bed looking up at the ceiling in a white walled room and hear a strong flow of water like moving through pipes, I look up and "follow" the progress of the water through the pipes with my eyes, along the corner of the room and then the corner of the wall with the ceiling. I expect the water to burst through the ceiling at any moment. Right then, my bed heaves itself up from the head end and I'm ejected out on to the floor. As the bed lifts up I realize this is a dream, and I'm thankful for having such an easy-to-spot FA. I realize this is a dream again because my "body" has no pains in it whatsoever. I hear something outside, and jump out the window. Outside is very bright daylight and there are lots of colorful things all over the place, I'm on the side of a house. I continue around the corner and pick up a male DC with a sort of moon face and will him to become a hot girl, or for a girl to appear. I then see a bunch of girls seated on a bench a bit farther on in the garden and move towards them, pick one, undress her (take off her top?) and then count to 5 to calm my self before engaging, and I start "1….2….3... … then I wake up! Ah crap!

#414 - 8:44AM - DILD

WBTB 3:30AM 8mg Galantamine/400mg choline, 400mg DMAE
This one didn't go so well, but I was lucky enough to pull off one LD late in the morning purely out of desperation.

I am trying to enter my email login on my phone to see an important email from my mortgage broker. Nothing I type comes out right so I look for my laptop. I have an false awaking and become slightly lucid. I think how typical the previous dream was for electronics failure.
Next I notice SW from work in bed with us. I know it's not real, but I am snuggled against him and I find it mildly humorous. I push him away and initiate sex with my wife by actively summoning and creating the sensation. Several odd thoughts race through my mind as we do it for a few moments.
I am now in a classroom in a chair with a trash can between my feet.

Spoiler for EXPLICIT:

Spoiler for NO REALLY I MEAN IT:

Spoiler for I WARNED YOU:

I notice that have my pants down and I am scooted up on the edge of the seat and sort of hunched forward like I am on the toilet. I realize that I am making slight humping motions so I look down. I see my erect penis with a long string of cum slowly dripping off the tip.

Shocked at my nakedness and sexual nature, I wonder how my dream would cause me to literally end up like this. I look up and see an and old woman that is an ex-coworker (dead) looking at me sort of curious as well as shocked. I quickly pull my shirt down to cover myself. I feel disoriented and confused. I wonder how I could have had such an obvious sex dream in public. I realize that I am in a room pf coworkers both past and present and if feel embarrassed and devastated that this is happening. I'll never live it down. My life is ruined. I pull my shorts up not really getting my underwear and they king bunch down low, but I don't care as long as I am covered. I feel so sleepy and I rub my face and sigh heavy trying to get my bearings. I still can't believe this has happened. I don't even know how I fell asleep. I try to ignore everyone around me as I deal with this trauma; I just want a way out. I begin to hope that by some miracle of divine magic that I am in a dream. Maybe... I do a nose plug out of desperation and am completely delighted and surprised to blow through. I giggle and the feeling of hopeless despair rolls off me dropping like a lead weight. Forgetting about any nakedness, I stand up and walk over to a group of people talking. I think how I am highly lucid as I playfully push V (fired IWL) over and say I relief, "This is all a dream." V falls out of sight and I smile at everyone feeling triumphant and gleeful. Before I can do much else, the dream quickly collapses and I wake up.

I had another LD much earlier in the night but I cant recall much so I'm counting. Basically, I was running from some enemy when I became lucid and played with a gun. I wanted a shoot out so I blind summoned a rifle. I goes off against a glass but only scorching it. In some burned out building someones head peaked up outside a window. I fire off a shot, but the dream fades out.

Something to do with a dance-off taking place on a beach. There was an absurdly sized boombox (about the size of a semi trailer) being positioned on the beach. Then the power went out and the man organizing the dance-off was upset because the boombox had to be plugged in.


I was visiting at a hospital. This wasn't a normal hospital though, it was supposed to treat people of their worst fears. How? By making them suffer trough the trauma of their worst fear again and again but without pain. I don't know completely how this worked but they could make you experience your worst fear as many times as they wanted.

I don't remember if this was for punishment or what.

They had a means of extracting what your worst fear was subconsciously.

I remember seeing the first couple rooms closest to the desk. Patients were grouped by their fear. The people closest to the desk had the worst fear of 'death'. I remember them being hooked up to heart rate monitors. They would start and stop every ten seconds or so, so basically the patient was dying repeatedly in the bed.

I remember approaching one of the people on the bed. He looked like Liam Nisan for some reason, and he looked as though he was really peaceful. He told me quietly before passing through one of his deaths.

'my greatest fear is... death...'

...

I remember being back at the front desk. I was looking at a hospital form in a plastic tray. All of the boxes were filled with gibberish. But I could still read them clearly, and they still had English characters in them.

I was saying to myself how this didn't feel like a normal lucid dream. It felt too clear, too stable and too realistic to be a dream. I felt as though I might be astral projecting or something.

I decided to run a test on the dream to see how well it behaved. I jumped into the air and pushed my energy down. My little fire jets switched on. I was flying. I had to stay in control though, not hit any people. But this was all the proof I needed. This was a lucid dream, just a very clear and vivid one.

Sadly I didn't seem motivated to carry out any of my goals or dares.

I remember feeling like the dream went on for ten minutes or more. But unfortunately I don't have the dream recall to back that up. I do know that It ended with a false awakening.

Another thing I remember questioning while in the dream was the fact that I was not the least bit scared of the clinic, even thought its sole purpose was to invoke fear. It didn't seem like an evil environment in any way. There were no screams of pain or blood splatters on the wall. It seemed so peaceful, like fear was a good thing.

I false awoke in my bedroom and my cat had given birth to five cats, identical kittens. The scene was being narrated like a nature show.

Spoiler for Interpretations:

I don't really know what to make of this. I feel as though given the concept of the dream, it's meant to mean something important but I can't figure it out. I might come back in and change this if I am able to figure it out.

Before I jump into the lucid dream(s) I had last night, I would like to first state that I have been visiting Dream Views for a long time looking for different kind of tips and tricks to become and stay lucid. Two days ago I saw an article on Mnemonic Induced Lucid Dream where the suggestion was made to choose some object or something else for that matter and whenever you'd see it in waking life, you should do a reality check. So I decided to go really big and chose the color blue. Everytime I saw something blue I did a reality check and really questioned whether or not I was dreaming. Note that I did this for 1 day only. The results were (for me atleast) great.

"I'm walking in a badly illuminated building with multiple rooms adjacent to each other. All are connected through doors and every room is just as dark as the one before. I notice I'm following a guy, it seems as if he's leading me to someone. As I look around I notice something blue and I become suspicious. I check my hands to see that I own 12 fingers and I realize that I'm dreaming. Immediately after that I'm upright in my bed, as if awakened from a dream. I immediately notice that I don't remember the act of sitting up, so I suspected it to be a false awakening. After checking my right hand my suspicions were confirmed as I had 7 fingers on one hand.

As of now, I'm lucid, but everything is still very fuzzy, as always in the few times before I had a lucid dream. Instead of trying the regular techniques like rubbing my hands and spinning around to stabilize it, I assumed my subconscious to be a computer in which I could enter commands. I said 'Dream! Increase vividness to 100%!' and everything became crystal clear. Next I said 'Increase awareness to 100%!' and the level of detail and clarity I achieved was amazing. I had no trouble maintaining the dream and could freely walk through my house without feeling the pressure of the dream trying to take over.

I went into the kitchen and as it was still dark outside I wanted to turn on the light. However, my goal was to see how well I could control my dream, as I heard it's not too easy. So I decided to turn on the light with my mind. I focused on the bulb and hoped it would turn on. Instead, it leaned towards me as if I was trying to move it, but that was not my intention. I stopped for second and told myself that it's not about hoping it will turn on, but knowing that it will turn on since I'm in control and everything I want will happen. So I tried again and the light turned on. Goal achieved, so I went further.

At this point it's already light outside and I notice people wanting to come into the kitchen. This is when I decided to test another facet of control and I wanted to put in a door to keep everyone outside. I swiped from right to left and a door swiped in place. I was happy, but not for long. I realised that I put in a DOOR, so everyone opened the door and came in XD. So I went one step further and swiped again, this time swiping in a brick wall. Unfortunately someone got caught in the middle and entered the kitchen anyway, so I thought never mind.

Next I wanted to see if I could fly, still testing the extent of control. I focused hard and managed to get of the ground. The feeling is amazing! But onwards with the story. I flew throughout the house and got to my room where there is a balcony. I wanted to go outside and see where I could fly to, but it was quite a way down, so I had some doubt. I figured that if I would have something to fly on, perhaps that would be safer. At that moment my dad came in with a broom saying that I could use that. Well why not, witches use it, so I took it and sat on it. I'm still lucid at this point, so it was a sane decision :p. I floated up and towards the edge of the balcony. Eventually I turned around and went back into my room, not because I thaught I was going to fall, but because I sensed some doubt and assumed that if I were to fall, I would lose lucidity. That was too great a risk for me to take.

So now I'm in my room, thinking what I should do next to test my control. Then I remembered reading here that teleporting was also something, so I decided to try that. I closed the door and expected to open it and walk into the world of 'Murdoch Mysteries', a TV show I'm watching. So I opened the door and there was the morgue, exactly like in the show. I walked around to look at it and the resemblance was uncanny. Nothing much happened that was of significance and I believe the dream took over from there on out.

Next thing I remember is waking up. I was only a little bit disappointed but mostly really happy that I attained that level of lucidity. Today I will keep checking reality everytime I see blue and hopefully tonight I will feast again. This time I will be looking for the embodiment of my subconcious mind, I have some questions for him. Whoever is reading this, I strongly recommend trying what I did to become lucid. Maybe it will work for you, maybe it won't, but one can always try, right? Well, that's it for today, hopefully I will have a new experience to share tomorrow.

I and another detective was doing an investigation on apartment that was said to have a man with a shotgun. When we first enter the building through the kitchen back door. We've notice that all the lights were off with exception of the kitchen light. We quickly pointed are guns checking all the area's down stairs. In till both of us could hear his voice from upstairs. That is when we both started moving, however I stayed back for a few more seconds. I then realize that my partner had vanish nor could I hear him.

I could see a light coming from the garage. I pointed my gun and then enter seeing if anyone was there. When I heard someone moving, I turn around and saw a woman in a green clownish dress with a mask. She was holding two weapons that were long cartoonish looking hammers. She quickly hit me with one of them on top of my head. The impact surprise me as it wasn't as strong as I thought it would be. I use the end of my gun to attack her.

However the impact was easily block nor did it cause either one of us to feel tense. This is when I became aware I was dreaming. We both soon high five with one another as the serious tension had been broken. I then have an FA to where I could feel my body being very floatable. I soon caught on that I must be dreaming still. I haven't open my eyes yet to tell though. When I did I found myself in Father room. This convince me that I must really be awake now. Then lose lucidity. Lucidity Time: 24 seconds

I woke up at around 4 AM in the morning after going to sleep at around 11:00 PM the night before. I just woke up from a creepy dream where I was stuck inside my home again with all the lights shut off. I went back to sleep and woke up paralyzed in bed.

It took me a few seconds to realize I couldn't move. The creepy sensations started to run throughout my body as I just started to hear someone in the room with me. It was a woman's voice(one around her 20's). She was standing/sitting right next to my bed and whispered me to turn over and look at her. I tried my very best not to panic and telling myself that it was all in my head.

I wasn't so much about her, but I was worried if anything, like a furry creature, might come up to me and attacks. I was very scared but not once did I yell out for help. After a few moments of observing the dream elements around me, I decided to close my eyes in hopes that I would teleport myself in a happier dream scene. The first place I thought about was Fairfax Elementary School. I wanted to go there and be surrounded my sunlight and a peaceful playground. I closed my eyes and imagined myself teleporting through the exit door in front of me and being summoned in front of the peaceful scene.

It felt a lot like I was flying through a portal. I felt the vibrations in my head building up from soft to loud. Unfortunately, it did not work. I was still stuck on my bed. I did, however, somehow managed to get half of my upper body to move. I used the extra time to get up from bed, using all of my strength, and fly out of this demonized home. As soon as I broke loose, I immediately flew through the walls and roof of my home, out towards the front yard. What happens next was a little depressing for me.

Seeing how I was already lucid, I thought it was a great time to take advantage and do something fun with my imagination. I hovered above my front yard and found there to be one problem. It was still dark. There was no one around, just me. Even worse, I tried to brighten up the globe but failed to. I flew over to my neighbors house to see if anyone was there by looking through one of their windows but I didn't even try to go inside. Who knows what could be in there.

I didn't know what to do. I thought about summoning some people but I guess I didn't feel motivated enough to be with them. What I really wanted to do was to bring the sun out, but that wasn't achievable in the dream. I tried closing my eyes and dream spinning to appear in a happier place but it just didn't want to work. I am getting a little bit more familiar with dream spinning, though. When I did close my eyes, my right eyes was somehow blocked. I couldn't see anything with my right eye. I knew the dream was over by then.

Before I left the dream, I did manage to summon a meteor. I summoned the explosion somewhere downtown. Eventually, it'd make its way towards me and shred everything in its path.

I was at some kind of anime cosplay/ comic shop. They sold cosplay costumes from different popular anime as well as prop swords and wigs. Even the greeting cards they sold were replaced with anime characters on the cover.

I was browsing around but couldn't find anything worth buying. I was getting ready to head out when Manei walks up to me and does the nose pinch on me.

"Here, pinch your nose, see if you are dreaming."

"Oh, you're a lucid dreamer too? Cool." (I didn't pay attention the first time.)

A tall black guy of about 20 asks me what the heck she just did to me. I start to explain.

"You see, it's a reality test for if you're dreaming or awake. So that you can realize that you are dreaming while you are dreaming and do cool stuff. But the important thing to do during RCs is to actually pay attention."

I did a second nose pinch, being sure to actually pay close attention this time. It of course worked and I was lucid.

Unfortunatley I can't really recall what happened after that. The dream went dark and I knew that it was ending. I tried to explain that fact to a couple of nearby dream characters.

I false awoke on a raft in an ocean. I RCd but somehow turned up nonlucid. There was a massive floating fortress on the horizon. It began launching large white airplanes that shot tons of tiny green laser beams at me. I got the inkling that this was some kind of computer simulation.

Spoiler for Interpretations:

So from top to bottom: I can't offer an explanation for the anime/cosplay shop other than the fact that I like anime.

As for Manei just telling me that I am dreaming... er I don't know. I wish she would do that more often.

Ritual: wtb 3am, around 9am set vibrating alarm for 36 minutes. The first time it went off, I felt like I was already awake, that I had been lying awake for several minutes before I felt the vibration. In retrospect I was quickly suspicious that this was a false memory, but the consequence was that I woke up for real. I reset the alarm to go off in 28 minutes, and went back to sleep.

EILD: I felt the vibration again, and at first I thought it was another failed attempt, that I was wide awake again. But this time I convince myself not to give up so easily, to lay still and explore it. I wiggle my fingers. Actually... that feels right, like dream movement. I wiggle the fingers of the other hand and gradually start to engage my whole body, but soon, no, I can still sense the dream body but I'm convinced that I'm accidentally moving my real body too. (In retrospect, it seems likely that my impressions of moving the physical body were false, as this surely would have broken aphasia.) It feels like the two kinds of sensory awareness are layered together. My dream sense is not broken but I need to find some way to desynch from the physical, to move unnaturally in a way the real body can't follow. I try to bend my arm the wrong way at the elbow, down into the mattress. I find this a bit difficult for some reason, but something else happens: I start to understand that I am creating all this difficulty in my own mind, that it really doesn't have to be this complicated. Upon this realization I simply find myself standing next to the bed, fully in dream. That certainly makes things easier!

My WL awareness was somewhat confused throughout this whole process, since during the whole time I was lying in bed I had the impression that I could overhear a colleague from work talking to her daughter (who I have never met). They were discussing a humanitarian volunteer program that the colleague was doing in another country, maybe Africa. I listened with interest since I had not been aware that she was involved with anything like this (there is no RL basis), but it made sense since she is a very kind and generous person. She was talking about some kind of environmental crisis and said that the local people trusted the "agents," that is, the field workers of this organization, like her, but not the administration or the experts that were sent in to instruct them. The challenge was teaching the locals new ways of environmental management so they were no longer unsustainably exploiting their natural resources. I think it was targeting water usage.

After I was fully transitioned into the dream, I remembered that I had reset my vibrating alarm to an interval of only seven minutes, so I would have to work quickly before it went off again, waking me up. Curiously, now I'm not sure if I really did reset it, and suspect I dreamed that part too. The nice thing about a device like this is that it actually provides hard evidence against which to check my unreliable memories. Nope! It's still set to 28 minutes. So there was one point this morning where I definitely did reset it from 36 to 28, but the later memory of resetting it to 7 minutes—for some reason convinced that I would be able to fall asleep within that time frame—turns out to have been an FFA (false falling asleep), evidence that I was already asleep.

With (so I mistakenly thought) only seven minutes to work in, minus whatever time I had already spent transitioning, I walk quickly through the house and toward the front door, ready to plunge into deeper dreamspace. As I pass through the living room, something bumps into my leg from the pile of wood stacked near the fireplace. At first I plan to ignore it but then I wonder if the dream is trying to get my attention, so I glance down and see a pair of scissors. I'm not sure what to make of this but I grab them and take them with me. I go outside, where the sky is cloudy and half-lit as though it were dawn or dusk. I realize that this is wrong, and recall that it must already be after 9am in WL.

What was my task? I have difficulty remembering, so while I'm thinking about it, I decide to do something spontaneous. I'm still holding the scissors... I know! I'll cut off my hair. As I walk I reach awkwardly behind my head and randomly lift locks of hair with my left hand, cutting them near the scalp with the scissors held in my right. This all feels surprisingly lifelike, which makes me think momentarily: I had better be right that I am dreaming! But then I figure, what's the worst thing that could happen if I accidentally cut off my real hair? I'd have to shave my head? Not a big deal, I even did that once in college.

All this time I'm still trying to think of the tasks I had planned—why is it sometimes so hard to remember? Finally it comes to me. Right! I was going to try to roleplay a familiar character. I decide on Shriven, my WoW character, since I've played her the longest and also the most recently. My tabletop characters are much more psychologically complex, but I think I should probably start with something simpler. Okay, how do to this? I remember that I was going to try the narration technique. I start with something really basic: "Shriven is running," I murmur. My stride changes as I think I remember what her run looks like, becoming more mechanical. That part makes sense, given that she's digitally rendered. I don't have the impression that I look or feel any different, though. I keep trying, and although I don't recall my narrations in detail, I have the impression that they were extremely bland.

I'm running through city streets now. At one point I notice that the buildings all seem older, eighteenth-century maybe, though this still just looks like one of my typical dream cities rather than a more appropriate setting for what I'm trying to accomplish. I'm still cutting my hair as I go—having started, I feel like I should finish the job. When I finally slice through the last tress, I stop and gaze at my reflection in a store window. Not bad! Although short hair never really suits my features, the haircut itself turned out alright, kind of punk/pixieish. In fact, it even reminds me of Shriven's hair, which is short and spiky and irregular. However, there is no real resemblance, and in all other respects my reflection looks unusually like my WL appearance: same eyes, same face, same hair color. Usually in dreams I see a lot more distortion.

I use the scissors to make a few finishing touches to the haircut before realizing that it is pointless to be so finicky in a dream. In fact, I'm done with the scissors now... I'm just going to drop them on the ground! This always feels so liberating, since I would never do that in WL. I continue running effortlessly down the street and when I come to the end there is a ten foot gap to cross to reach a platform or walkway. Jump—you can do this! I clear the gap, just barely, and feel proud of myself as I land.

Still, I don't feel like I'm making much progress on my task so I try to figure out how to improve my approach. What does Shriven do? Well, she often summons her mount, an undead warhorse. I narrate this to myself, but nothing happens. Every time I do this in game the horse makes a distinctive shrill whinny, so I try to use the sound as a focal point. I find it becomes ambiguous whether I can hear the sound in the dream or if I'm just remembering it.

As I pass through a T-intersection, a blinding light directly ahead causes me to swerve. It is so bright that I assume it must be bleedthrough from RL. I remember the conversation between my colleague and her daughter that I overheard during my transition; with true dream logic I never questioned the impossibility of that taking place in my bedroom, and so now I assume that one of them must still be there, taking flash pictures. Instead of going straight into the light, my initial direction, I turn and take the street on the left, even turning my face away so to diminish the brightness. I can hear a voice from the direction of the light saying, "Don't shoot! Don't shoot!" So I was right about the camera, I conclude. At no point do I recognize the absurdity and error in my thought processes, but I do reflect that it is interesting that the environment made me change the direction I was going—is the dream trying to control my movement?

After this interruption, I go back to trying to summon the undead warhorse. It's still not working, but then I notice that the shop just ahead of me seems to have horse skulls hanging on the back wall. That's an improvement! I go into the shop, which is now a tiny space almost completely filled by a large bunkbed. A bearded man is lounging on the lower bunk, eating a meal and watching TV, while the upper bunk is shacked with sheepskins. I ask the man about the horse skulls.

"That's not a horse skull," he responds.

I realize he must be referring to the giant animal skull on the floor at my feet. It must be about three feet long. "What is it?"

"That's an academic-size magic detector," he answers, hardly taking his eyes off his TV program. Not sure what to make of his words, I look at the skull again. I realize it must have come from some kind of giant lizard, like a crocodile, but it has a small horn at the snout like a rhinocerous. As I study it, I see that it is now green and sparkling, the color offset with pale stripes. I am tempted to compare it to an Elvis suit, but fear that the proprietor might be offended.

FA: I wake up and start taking notes right away, starting from the last scene and moving backward. Fortunately I don't get very far before I realize I am writing on dream paper. I wake up for real and record my notes on my laptop.

Non-Lucid
Actual Waking
False Awakening
Lucid

I left work early today and took a nap before my guitar lesson. I slept from 2:30pm to 3:58p, waking myself up two minutes before my alarm. I spent 10 minutes after that just laying there, waiting for the world to feel less strange and my blood to stop pounding in my ears. I had...11 short dreams? I can't decide if I like the false awakenings because they allow me to practice lucid skills, or if I hate them because they're creepy. And I never have one.

_____I'm in my room, it looks just as it should, but I can hear music playing somewhere in the house. When I turn over to listen, there's a deepening of sorts and I realize that there can't be music playing because I'm home alone. I see movement out of the corner of my eye, through the open door and it startles me into a lighter layer of dreaming. I'm confused, thinking I'm awake. I can't find my phone to check the time, it feels like I've been asleep for hours...
________I find myself out in the cul-de-sac. I take the sidewalk, walking along the curve, the image dims and intermittently is replaced with darkness, I know I'm close to waking and try to stabilize the dream. I once told myself that I should keep moving to give my brain something to work at, if I stop then the images stop and I'll wake up. I don't follow my own advice, and close my eyes to concentrate. It doesn't work.
_____I hear music again.
_____I'm pulled back under and when I leave my duplex, my control is steadfast. The world is bright and it's warm outside. I cross the street, curious about the open door in the duplex on the other side. I try to ignore the creepy man in a black fedora and trench coat eyeing me from one of the inside-curve driveways. He disapproves of my actions. I smile at him and continue on.
Going into the other house supplies a new storyline for me to walk. [B]Immediately inside there is a set of raw-wood riser-less stairs leading to the upper level. There are young girls everywhere, showing up for a party. I know I'm not invited, the two girls are best friends and they're popular, I'm not. I feel a spike of shame for inviting myself, but continue up the stairs. I can see them on the upper level, one is blond with blue eyes, the other has brown-black hair. They look familiar but I can't figure out why. I don't want them to see me, I'm certain they'll be mean. There are other girls everywhere participating in different activities. A smaller girl storms up the stairs, surprising me. I stand there, unsure what to do. Worse, the Birthday Girls appear, and tell the smaller girl they want to play a trust game. She's enthusiastic about participating. The game is stand on a higher step and lean back onto the hands of someone lower down. Then you walk up the stairs that way. Their eyes meet mine only for a moment and I'm so worried about what they'll do. I get out of the way for the blond to push the smaller girl up the stairs, but trip and fall backward. The brunette catches me and walks me up the stairs, giggling. I start laughing too, relieved that they have decided to be kind.
_____Drawn back to my room, there are other people in the house. I consider them family but they aren't people I know. There's a tall man with black hair and a bushy beard, an older man with steel grey hair pulled back into a tail, and two women. I don't recall much about this one. I realize they shouldn't be here and decide to go outside. This time I turn left, I see a cheetah running through the neighborhood and I can tell people are afraid of it, so I tell it to run away. It starts to but, I change my mind. It would be fun to run with a cheetah, I think. So I yell for it to come back, then immediately regret commanding it to do anything. I would rather it had chosen to be at my side.
_____I desperately try to check the time but my phone isn't working right. I'm at it for a while before I realize I'm still dreaming. I attempt to still my panicked heart and instead close my eyes, focusing my mind back and down. I open my eyes when I hear music. The song has clapping at the beginning. The room is...different. I'm laying not on the bed, but on a green chaise lounge set very close to the floor. The curtains are open now making the room very bright. The bed is under the window, the foot of it very close to the open door. I realize it isn't a song playing, but a man singing. The familiarity of his voice draws my eyes to the doorway, he's coming down the hall. He will be here soon. Liam.
Saja lays on the bed dressed how I often see her when I become her in my dreams, in an ivory ankle-length shift. She isn't resting, but she isn't awake either. She's paralyzed. I see her briefly from above, her head tilted back, lips parted, eyes slightly open but rolled up. She has one arm pinned to her chest like she's suffered a stroke. Liam appears in the doorway, just like I remember him, though he actually seems...happy. He's singing a song to Saja, I know it's a message, to correct the awful thing he said to me before, about wishing I/she had died with the others. The lyrics: "I'm here with my beautiful wife, in our wonderful life together." Liam is carrying a tray with tea and a bowl of water with a washcloth on rim. His eyes shift briefly to me before alighting on Saja.
"Are you Walking again, dear?" It indicates he's aware of my presence. Meaning that I have dreamwalked to this scene, and I am myself and Saja as well.
It is difficult to move, my mouth feels so stiff. I groan a reply, loathing the spit that runs from the corner of my mouth. "Noooooo." I manage to sound playful in my denial, slightly sarcastic. I don't want him to scold me for dreamwalking here to see him. He smiles down at her contorted form, one knee is bent, her right foot is up by her hip. He sets the tray down and draws her body out straight, covering her with a blanket, she's broken into a cold sweat. He takes the damp cloth and gently wipes the corner of her mouth, humming to her all the while.
____The previous scene slips away and I am back in bed. I know I'm still dreaming because everything feels heavy...and also because one of my friends from work is sitting by the bed using my nightstand as a table, her back to the wall. She is writing on a yellow legal pad, I can only make out one section that is all X's and 0's, but she pressed down so hard on the paper, obviously in a state of distress. I'm not sure she knows I'm there yet I'm certain I can comfort her anyway. I stroke her hair and tell her it will be alright.
"You're right, you're right. M's the dead one. I'm still here." She says, referring to her husband who passed away a few years ago. I continue soothing her. Eventually she pivots to look at me, becoming an old woman with her white hair back in a short ponytail.
She begins to tell me about what will happen next, but in the past tense like she's lived through it herself and wants to spare me the confusion. "Then the storm swept in from the sea. Everything changed after it obliterated New York City...and he arrived. The_____." I lean closer to hear her better but it doesn't help. I don't understand a single word she says to me, it's all gibberish.
"Wait, I can't understand you."
"Of course not, dear. It's here." Her watery eyes fix on something over my shoulder as terror steals over her features.
Very slowly, I turn. Behind me, looking like a terrifying mix of Mrs. Trunchbull from Matilda and the police sketch of Penelope from her suitor who saw her and flipped the hell out. The woman is thick but tall, with her hair in a bun, wearing Trunchbull's uniform...her eyes are black with no sclera under a rage-contorted brow. Her mouth is perpetually open, showing sharp needle sharp teeth...this thing leers down at me and starts to reach her hand out.
Nope.
I force myself into another layer of sleep and for a moment I think I'm awake. But my body is so very heavy. I can't even turn my head and for a moment I worry that something burst in my brain and I'm as paralyzed as Saja now. I struggle to move and when I see my deformed hand, I come to the relieving conclusion that I am in fact still dreaming.
____I find myself in a room like mine, but all the furniture is gone. There are long windows running the length of the room, very close to the floor. The whole room is painted dark purple. I can feel it looming behind me. I run at the mesh covered window, thinking I'm lucid enough to push through it but I am inhibited by my panic. Instead, I use the door. I think I hear the door open and call for my boyfriend to help me, but I realize that he isn't home. (Progress!) The apartment is laid out like my duplex but it feels higher off the ground, when I escape out the front door there is a black porch and awning, all modern lines, set against the purple building. In the distance I see a massive storm brewing and know that it is what my friend was talking about. I stand with 5 others, watching the horizon.
____I'm standing in front of the family from earlier. I'm trying to explain what's happening to me, but they just think I'm crazy. Behind them, the wall has disappeared and I see a train.
"There's a train."
"A train in our kitchen? You're hallucinating.."
"No I'm NOT. I'm...lucid."
"Obviously you're not lucid."
"I mean I'm dreaming."
They just look at me.
_____More music.
_____I rise to what I think is waking, but quickly realize I'm still dreaming. I'm starting to panic again, this round of dreams is extremely disorienting. I close my eyes and focus, putting my hands together against my chest, fingertips pressing together. I focus back again. There's a deepening and when I open my eyes I am sitting on a wooden examination table. The room is cluttered, tables against every wall and all surfaces covered with tools and stacks of books and papers. There's a frameless doorway at the top of two narrow steps. A creepy old man with round spectacles puts a q-tip with a long stem in my ear. It freaks me out and I cringe.
He picks up another one. I realize then that I'm a child. "Raise your arm, now." When I don't, he pulls my arm out straight and presses the q-tip to my armpit. It feels so weird, almost real. It gets weirder.
Liam appears in the doorway. While he isn't the cruel-faced man I've become acquainted with, neither is he quite the man who spent the morning singing to Saja. I still love him though. All versions of him. His outfit should have looked ridiculous...instead it was...eh, fantastic. The garb was vaguely...Musketeer? A capotain with a wider brim, his copper hair hanging to his shoulders. The material of his clothing is multicolored but by large these many colors suggest purple with threads of gold, green and blue. It's a long doublet.
His mouth set in a grim line, he looks so tired. I wonder if the person I have become in this scene is his child.
He confirms this by saying, "Hop down from there, son. It's time to go."
The kid hops down from the table, leaving me there to stare at the old man and watch Liam and 7 year old son leave the shop.
The old man looks at me. "You know you can't be here alone, you've gotta leave too."
He's right.
I jump down off the table, running to the window just in time to see Liam turn a corner. I press my hands to the glass but I cannot slip through it. The shopkeeper suggests I use the door, I run to it and pull it open, I can feel the metal frame against my hand as I rush out into the alley. The streets here are confusing and narrow inlaid with dark grey cobblestones. I go to where I last saw Liam but it's a dead end, he must have gone a different way. I stop a familiar looking woman who has her hair pulled back, wearing a white tank top, a long bronze necklace, and a leather satchel over her shoulder.
"Have you seen a tall, red haired man?"
She blinks slowly at me and resumes walking.
"Hey, wait."
"No."
"He'd have a child with him?"
"Haven't seen him. Stop talking to me."
____I think again that I am awake, just to find that I am not. I am worried I slept through my alarm and have missed my class. I feel like I've been asleep a very long time. I can't do this anymore. I lay there, the room doesn't feel right at the edges, so I know I'm still sleeping...but I'm so close to waking, I know it. I fight through several layers of fragments, where I look at my phone or can't find it or can't move. The dream is like a pool of tar, refusing to let me go, continually trying to drag me under. I protest violently, mentally wrenching my arm out from under the pillow. It takes too long for it to really happen. I force my eyes to remain open. I'm laying on my stomach, I raise my head and sluggishly toss the blanket aside.
I manage to final wake up, roll onto my back, resisting the draw of sleep and finally check my phone. It's 3:58pm.

-False awakening
-Thought it was still early and i would go back to bed to lucid dream
-started dreaming (in my dream)
-At a store
-told cashier something that ended with "but I'm dreaming"
-realized i was dreaming (I don't think I actually did, but my dream self did)
-Became fuzzy and i wake up (not in real life)
-told all my family members of my lucid dream
-wake up for real