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    Nightmares

    1. February 28, 2023 6:58 am

      by , 02-28-2023 at 08:14 AM

      Sleep notes: Yesterday, I got to be part of a dope project I cannot disclose about that was a ten-hour-long day, I had to wake up very early to get there, had a breakfast smoothie, and bought a sandwich at the train station to eat as lunch later knowing it was gonna be a long day. It was genuinely a great experience, but I hate to admit this, they treated us poorly on terms of nutrition; Half of the catering consisted of sugar-heavy snacks (Which I didn't eat because I recently quit using sugar) and there was an this weird sweet tasting water that was in a bottle previously used for syrup, that was the only "normal" water, any other option was either cola or sparkling water. There was lunch, but not until 4 pm, which consisted of a very small portion of food and between lunch and eating that sandwich at the end of the day I barely ate because there was nothing but candy and soda available. I ate my sandwich from earlier in the train home, and two bites from my dinner before going to bed early. Safe to say, I suffered a great headache as well as a lot of dizziness yesterday due to poor nutrition and lack of hydration. It's gone now, fortunately.


      Anyways, here's my dream:
      I believe I was at another field trip of some sort, the same girl from the previous dream and I were once again going to share a hotel room, we hugged and made out, but we were both a little drunk so we didn't go any further than that. That and I also had to go to the bathroom really badly and found myself going though random hotel rooms looking for a vacant toilet because why should I use the one in my room. Finally back from the toilet, I get back in bed with her and we were about to sleep when a guy I knew from theatre crashed into our room to give us a college lecture through a projector which was already installed there. As he asked us questions we answered and he laughed, his laugh (and in hindsight also his appearance) resembled Eric from Sex Education.

      A blonde teacher I cannot recall walks into the room and logs into the computer and changes all her folder names to the new class she will he teaching after the head of department from my old theatre school gave her the opportunity to teach her the class she dreamed about. I'm trying to listen to her story, but the setting of the dream has now changed to a classroom whose interior vaguely resembles that of a theatre and cinema foyer as well as the Eye film museum in Amsterdam but in a dark, metal colour. In the classroom sat my old classmates from theatre school complaining about how her changing subjects will somehow affect their studies, but they were doing that while she was talking about her dream class and why she wanted to pursue that which I wanted to hear more about, buy couldn't. I got up from my seat and stood closer to listen, eventually telling the class to shut up and only have one person at a time speak, this angered the class and they all started getting mad at me which didn't help my sensory overload either. They felt threatened by my presence as I was still standing between them and the blonde teacher, who didn't step in once, and my body language seemed defensive in an aggressive way apparently.
      Kids from the class get up and tried to pull me out of class, I refuse. They then get the head of department there whom I'm glad is here so I can explain the situation to him, but he angrily grabs me by my wrist and pulls me out of class then tries to find a vacant room, opens a random door in the hallway that leads to an unknown room. We sit down, but as we're about to talk, I wake up and can't get back to sleep to dream about something else because I was fully rested with eight hours of sleep for once!

      It was an interesting dream to say the least. The girl from the hotel room from both dreams, is a girl I haven't seen in years now and barely spoken to, let alone thought about for a year now, too. The theatre school part has been more common, though. I should definitely see a therapist about that. Because although this type of situation didn't ever take place in real life, there is a lot of unresolved theatre school trauma I personally still struggle with that still lingers my mind and gets triggered at the most random situations.

      Also the hotel rooms as well as the labyrinth of hallways were all pink coloured.

      Updated 03-03-2023 at 12:08 PM by 81762

      Categories
      non-lucid , nightmare
    2. Chores and Important Words

      by , 02-28-2023 at 03:22 AM (Dreamlog)
      I'm on a vacation with my family. We are at a beach, but the sky is gray. There is a pool nearby the beach and it has multiple "floors" under the water. My sister tries to show me a deep dive area, but I can't hold my breath and I have to go up for air.

      I'm cleaning my childhood house with my brother A. I'm annoyed because he keeps assigning me chores to do. At one point I had moved my bed mattress into the garage, but then had to carry it back because I misunderstood what he was asking for. We're outside now, on the east side of the house. I'm playing some game with my brother. Maybe we are doing more chores. The grass is super green, like the way it looks in old pictures. A fighter jet flies very close over us. It does a cool flip trick and I give it a salute. The fighter jet drops two bombs down near us. They sit there a second before exploding. It doesn't hurt, but I feel the heat rapidly go up. I say "I love you, S" and then die.

      Updated 03-09-2023 at 05:30 PM by 99808 (Title might have been a bit too dark.)

      Categories
      non-lucid , nightmare , memorable
    3. Having a child and then facing an upcoming end of all life on Earth scenario

      by , 02-26-2023 at 11:23 PM
      I dreamt of meeting a child, still a baby, that would end up being my child. I've never planned on having kids and it was a pretty pleasant dream.

      Then I had a dream about being in school and getting pulled aside with a couple of other kids and a teacher told us about a pack of comets that were on course to hit the earth towards the end of the year. The dream felt rather real. I recall then seeing what some of the older kids in the school were being shown and it was no-where near the level of truth I'd been shown, basically blowing it off. I remember seeing with others, some things burning through the atmosphere and the sky starting to fizzle as they did.
      Categories
      non-lucid , nightmare
    4. 2/21 - held hostage + escape

      by , 02-21-2023 at 01:45 PM
      very little recall here...

      I was being held hostage by this woman in her house. I was myself as a child. There were at least 2 other children being held there with me. The lady was choking me and I almost fainted, but then one of the other kids started crying and yelling for help in another room so she ran off to stop him and left me alone. I was having a bit of trouble walking since my head was a bit messed up from the choking. The other girl I was being held hostage with opened the front door of the lady's house but said I should wait until we can plan a real escape. I don't care so I start trying to run out of there. I get out of the door and try to look for somebody to ask for help or something to hide behind since I know the lady won't be far behind me. The street outside of her house gives me the same feeling as the street next to the elementary school I went to irl. I begin to run but I feel something at my feet. This wakes me up, it was my cat trying to get warm.
      Categories
      non-lucid , nightmare
    5. Helen Told Me To

      by , 02-20-2023 at 05:47 AM
      I had a fabric doll, with skinny arms and spindly legs.
      I think her name was Helen.

      I was walking at night, holding Helen. I was sleepwalking. Yes I must have been sleepwalking. Helen wanted me to walk into my parent's room. Why not do what Helen wanted?

      Flash forward, I was in a bar. I didn't know how I got there. Did Helen want me to drink? Was I an alcoholic?

      Flash forward, I was talking to a friend. I asked him how old I was. It felt like an awful lot of time was passing. I didn't know what to make of these time skips. Was I sleepwalking through them? When I was sleepwalking, was I doing what Helen wanted?

      Did Helen want anything? Was Helen just a doll? Had I finally lost it completely?

      Flash forward, I had decided to burn Helen.
      I tossed Helen into the fire but she refused to burn.
      I tore Helen apart.
      Categories
      nightmare , non-lucid
    6. Jaguar Surgeon

      by , 02-20-2023 at 05:23 AM
      Terrible luck, to be mauled by a jaguar.

      But strikingly good luck to have access to a jaguar surgeon! She gently adjusted the angle of my head, remarking on my "giraffe like" features. I knew that all animal injury surgeon specialists were like this, seeing animals in every person they operated on. She was the real deal. I was in good hands.

      She walked off for a bit, and out came the jaguar. And wouldn't you know it, she got mauled too. Oh she didn't look so bad, but there was no more jaguar surgeon for me, she needed to find one of her own now.

      I didn't remember being mauled by a jaguar, come to think of it. How did that even happen? Why was this jaguar just roaming about the zoo? Did it jump the moat? Aren't jaguars in cages?

      I guess it didn't matter, because here I was, bleeding to death. It was an amusing fate honestly. I almost laughed.

      Then, a crazy idea.

      What if instead of a jaguar surgeon I got a regular surgeon? What was so jaguar specific about this injury anyway!?!

      I felt like a genius! I called out for help. I begged some folks nearby to call an ambulance! But they insisted that the jaguar surgeon was out of commission. How was I to be helped without her? I tried to reason with them, but they couldn't understand. This was pointless.

      I was inching forward on my stomach now. There was no pain, but I was getting very weak. I dragged myself away, and happened to find my father sitting there on a bench. Surely, my old man would react quickly to save his son!

      I begged him, call a surgeon, any surgeon (covered by my insurance, please)! He looked confused. Surely this was a job for the jaguar surgeon?

      Truly, this was not a world worth living in. I resigned myself to my death.
      Categories
      non-lucid , nightmare
    7. 15 Jan: Leaving a party in an island and running away from my creep dad

      by , 01-15-2023 at 09:23 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      At some party with lots of people from many places. It's fancy but also in some desolate location in some ruins. I get tired and get out of there, to realize we're in an island. I ask someone what time is it and they say 2 am. I say that's not possible. They reply is the jet lag, that's why I am not sleepy. But that is not my issue, my issue is that outside it looks early morning, with sunlight. I encounter some familiar faces and they ask me if I am joining them leaving this place. I agree, because I know nobody else and don't know where I am. So they walk me to a dock and then some small row boats come and get us.
      Then we're taking a trip by bus once on land again. Still not recognizing the place as the night falls. Then I recognize the sillouette of Las Vegas in the dark, despite all the city lights being turned off. I just recognize some of the iconic shapes in the dark, like the Sphinx and the Eiffel Tower replicas. When it is day again we stop at a large mall so we can eat or buy anything and stretch our legs. For some reason I encounter my father, who apparently was looking for me and traced me back here. His behavior immediately throws me off as he starts asking questions and making innuendos that I don't even understand. I ignore him for a while and I evade his questions, but allow him to follow me around as I look at the shops for fun. I am wearing a long skirt and a corset and he touches the strings on the back of my corset, asking what happens if he pulls the strings off. I am starting to feel really uncomfortable and tell him to stop. Then I look at beautifful dresses and he asks something like who I am going to wear them for. I say I don't even know what he is talking about. Then we pass by a section of lingerie, to which I don't even look at, but he starts asking if I like this item and that item, all very girly pieces with fruits stamped and not exactly for my age as if he is signaling he wants me to be his little girl again. I tell him he is sick and disgusting and I have had enough. He plays dumb. But I tell him I know his mind, I know he is sexually attracted to me and jealous that I grew up and might get a boyfriend (I say I still haven't had one, but if I did that was none of his business). He looks embarassed and doesn't deny it. I call him all the names I ever wanted to call him and move on, through a pastry shop and then a jewel shop. He still follows me and then tells me to wait while he goes check on the bus we have to take home. I do sit in a bench thinking about what to do next, but I have no intention to join him. Billie Eilish is playing on speakers and I start singing along, and so do other teens around who smile at me. Some even start doing a coreography and I am really impressed. Then some guy I know vaguely from school also sits on the bench and he is the one recognizing me first and asks me about what I am doing here. He offers me a ride with his friends that are coming. I accept but still I feel bad for leaving my dad alone, worrying he might get lost looking for me, despite all.

      [Note: My dad was a bit of creep all my life and I do have reasons to feel some disgust and anger towards him, but some of the dreams I have been having are a bit too much, because I don't recall him actually abusing me or saying stuff like he says in my dreams. This is disturbing stuff.)
    8. Disturbing

      by , 12-20-2022 at 06:36 AM (MoSh's DJ: The Best Dream Journal in The Universe.)
      WTF

      Had a dream where Jesus was telling me Jamie is going to die soon. His exact words. Ummm... Not sure if i believe it. (I can't vouch for my dreams being 100% prophetic, just sometimes strange real life coincidences with them). Since i haven't heard from her in so long, and we don't have any mutual friends, if such an event took place I would likely never know of it. It's already like she died in a way to me, I suppose... It seems like she wouldn't lift a finger to reach out even in the event of imminent death anyway. So, besides having and posting these dreams (A well that has already pretty much dried up.) there's absolutely nothing I can do about it.

      Visit from beyond


      My Cousin Kiah, Who had a seizure and drowned not 10 feet away from where I was sleeping, while she was detoxing from fentanyl addiction. Saw me in a dream in some house and run up to me, started talking to me. I started freaking out and screaming in fear as she's supposed to be dead. She looked really offended by that. Wow.


      Crazy flashes


      (note this may or may not be related to the Jesus prophecy dream) I was a girl or woman. It was really dark, I was with someone who was also injured, We are freezing to death maybe outside or in a place with no heating. Something burns out. I say, or the other woman says, "OH NO!!! IT's Burned out!!!." we both start sobbing because it means death for us. Flashes forward we are both trying to run somewhere to safety but we are fading fast.
      Tags: death, jamie, jesus, kiah
      Categories
      non-lucid , nightmare , memorable
    9. Winter Competition Second Week, 1st Night

      by , 12-09-2022 at 06:28 PM
      This was a rather peculiar and odd dream.

      I found myself in a pitch-black manor.. I wasn't able to see much besides a few things. I gave myself night vision and was able to see a zombie-like entity that was headed my way, lunging at me. Before I was able to react and fully process the fact that I was dreaming, I've already woken up in a pile of sweat. The dream was really intimidating and it surely managed to scare me.

      I shortly went back to sleep, thinking nothing much of it.
      But there was I again, in the same manor. This time I was pretty mentally prepared and nothing could catch me off guard. I was not in the same room, but it felt like the same manor and I was sure of it.
      I recalled the competition and the tasks and immediately got to work. I phased through a nearby wall, and it felt like I was slowly making my way through gelatin. I wasn't able to see much besides the texture of the wall, until I was pulled back by something and I woke up, again. This time, the dream was trying to fool me into thinking that I've woken up, but I already knew that it was the same dream. I stood up from my bed, opened the sliding door to my balcony and flew off at a medium speed. But shortly after that I was woken up by my alarm clock, and didn't get to do much.


      That's basically it, since the weekends have started I'll be getting more dreams since my sleep won't be interrupted.
      The two dreams were pretty weird in my opinion, I don't get nightmares often anymore so it's a pretty rare experience, I had fun overall and actually enjoyed them.
    10. You may see me differently after reading this dream. (I am Insane)

      by , 12-07-2022 at 02:02 PM
      ACT ONE: HINDRANCE

      There was a party at my house a lot of people talking and dancing. There were a lot of people I knew there and a lot of people I didn't know. I was sat down in the main party area where two kids started annoying me around 10 to 12 years old. I got mad and pushed with force both of the kids to the ground. The mother of one of the kids got mad at me and she looked like the karen meme then I go to my bedroom to ignore her. I lock the door and can relax, then someone from outside knocks down the door and a bunch of people pile in. At the same time I clicked a virus link on my laptop and it started going crazy opening random videos and images and looked like when they over exaggerate hacking in movies. I eventually considered the laptop a lost cause and returned to the party. There was a person that looked like someone I knew that made a joke I laughed at it and gave them a hug as I hadn't seen them in a long time, but it turns it was someone that looked similar to someone I knew and the person I knew was right next to the person I hugged.

      ACT TWO: REGRET

      I go into the main area and it seems bigger than I remember. I then go into someone random persons bedroom and see this femboy looking fella. I'm questioning at first whether or not it's a guy.
      I say fuck it and decide to fuck. The unknown entity agrees. I pull down it's leggings and and see a cock and balls and confirm it is indeed a man, but I'm too far deep now and too horny to give up so I just say fuck it and do the do. Big Mistake. The first second is maybe pleasurable, but after that the feeling is unexpected. It feels like I stuck my dick into a sewer drain. I instantly pull out and nearly throw up. He is clearly affected by my reaction and runs out the room. feeling disgusted, I go to take a bath. While in the bath, I see the femboy again sobbing and crying. I call him over, I ask him to get in the bath with me and he gets in with all his clothes like a stupid idiot.

      ACT THREE: FEARFUL FOR LIFE

      Its late at night and I'm tired and don't feel like walking. I'm there with the femboy aswell. I hitchhike a random car as it passes by, I get in this black van and they start driving. They are driving in the middle of the woods and they seem to be going in circles. I'm scared for my life and I wonder how it's gonna feel to die. They pass the exact same tree for the fifth time except they quickly drift down a different way than the other times, they do a full 360 drift around this tree with duck tape and shackles on the base of it. The 2 men in the car with typical bank robbing masks pull out guns and there are 2 to 3 more outside with guns too. I realize how absolutely fucked I am. I think of any possible way out of this situation, since it's a dream my brain comes up with something. I see a video of a lawyer telling me that I payed these guys as hitmen to kill someone else but I don't remember it, So all I need to is pay them the money and they will leave me alone. I pay the money and the dream ends around this time.

      This dream is something else I don't know how my subconscious comes up with this shit.
      Categories
      non-lucid , nightmare , memorable
    11. 30 Oct: Abused by my father and being in a movie

      by , 10-30-2022 at 06:42 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      Sleeping in my bedroom with a friend who's staying over. We're at my old parents house, in my parent's bed, because it's bigger for the two of us. My mom is sleeping in the couch or not at all. Then I wake up very early morning and my dad is laying behind me, I have no panties and he is penetrating my anus. I feel totally disgusted and get up in a jolt and punch him, saying that it was the last drop. My friend wakes up spooked. I make a scene dropping all my anger on him and saying I am no longer treating him as my dad and that I lost the last ounce of respect I had for him. I go to the bathroom to wash myself. Meanwhile my mom heard some noise and woke up and came to see what's up. I hide in the bathroom and don't want to tell her. My friend doesn't know what to say and my father comes up with some excuse. Anyway, the dawn comes, so I pretend I just woke up early and I am preparing for school normally. After I get dressed, I go to the kitchen to have some breakfast and through the open window enters a raven. At first I try not to scare it away but then he makes sounds as if he wants some help, so I grab some food and approach to see if he wants. Then I notice he has a broken jaw and a broken beak and looks awfully thin. Was probably hit by a car and is in pain. I pick him up and take him to my bedrooms' balcony. I look for some box to put him in but all I find is some pillow. I drop him on it and tell him I will be back soon to care for him. I think about calling the wildlife protection services when I cross paths with my mom in the hallway and she is with three male and a couple female brazilian teens from her evangelical church (when she attended church). The guys come from the bathroom where they were washing hands and the girls have a tiny kitten in their hands and they are all saying they adopted him and she begs them not to abandon him when he grows up. They seem a bit overwhelmed with the long term commitment. I see my dad again coming out of the kitchen and wanting to make amends with me and I yell that I'll never allow him to touch me again and he may stop expecting us to have any sort of relationship. My mom hears this and she doesn't understand what's going on. Thinks I am being harsh with him and makes a sympathethic look towards him. I still don't wanna tell her what happened, just say this is how it's going to be from now on.
      [Note: my dad was always a bit of a creep, but I have no conscious memory of him abusing/raping me, despite my dreams about it]

      I'm watching Butch Cassidy and Sundance Kid movie. At the end, when I think they died I get the message that they actually never die and that there are multiple films after this one in which they always come back miraculously from their apparent death at the end of every film. I am surprised and happy to know it. The I am actually the lady who is their lover in the film and I am at home waiting for them. I casually tidy up the house which has some active fires from some small explosions that took place earlier in the movie and then I start putting food in a fridge. When they return, I scold them but I really feeling happy that they are alive.
    12. plutonian tides

      by , 10-07-2022 at 12:11 AM
      prelude: for those interested in the synchronicity between what is going on in the solar system & our dream lives, the planets of the unconscious are the three outer ones. right now pluto is stationary direct. pluto represents the deepest collective unconscious, death & rebirth, transformation, & volcanic emotion from the depths, as in social revolution. it can mean treachery & betrayal, deep resentment & hatred, jealous scheming. it is the worst of corporate politics: the plutocrats. it also represents the true survivor, the one who has been through the fire & back & lived to tell the tale. it can represent nightmare hell. don't be surprised if this kind of symbolism turns up in your current dreams.

      i had two nightmares last night. ho-hum. in one that seemed to last all night, i was an actor in a movie that was being made up as it went along. the plot involved me being stalked. i would confront my stalkers & taunt them, coming very close to violence, but usually ended up having to run. the actors playing my stalkers seemed to have genuine animosity towards me. it was decided that the movie would end with the stalkers catching up with me & doing me in, which disgusted me. as the killer closed in on me, i wadded up a big bunch of paper money & threw it in her face, hard. then i woke up.

      later in the night i found myself hurtling down a narrow freeway extremely fast. i started passing through a city & was getting to the edge of control, so i went for the brake, but the car had no brake. i woke up with my foot tangled in the blanket, trying to stomp the brake.
      Categories
      non-lucid , nightmare , memorable
    13. The Lucid Dream War

      by , 09-16-2022 at 10:19 PM (Lucid Time!)
      This is from awhile ago. Probably sometime in late august of this year. I only remembered it because of the dream journal autosave function.

      I was at the grocery store; my old workplace from 2018ish. I had just clocked off a shift when I was approached by a group of shady-looking people in a black pickup truck. They were a high profile drug cartel and had asked me to be a drug mule for them in exchange for a briefcase full of cash. I had completed the mission, delivered the drugs to the recipient and was about to get paid. They slammed the briefcase shut, and their leader explained they planned to turn me into the cops. Basically explaining how I was an idiot to think they would pay me, and that they intended to turn me over to the police for being a part of their operation, to throw them off the trail since I didnt have any connections to their group.

      Nonlucid brain of course freaks out (instead of realizing that guy was probably screwing himself because I knew what his gang looked like, what car they drove, and where I had picked up the drugs from and who I had given them to, and that they had no evidence against me.) I start screaming and jumping up and down like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

      Then Manei pulls up in an old rusty red pickup truck and I completely forget about that plotline. She's really upset, borderline crying and I ask her to explain wny. She tells me to look in the back of the truck so I do. Its about 20 black cats, including one litter of kittens. She's super worked up because black cats are seen as tokens of bad luck and nobody wants to adopt them so she had to rescue them herself.


      -+-

      I am involved in some sort of lucid dream war. The full story eludes me but I am in an OTD area that is mostly farm fields and forests, and I am partially lucid. Most of the combatants in the group are fairly typical soldiers with modern gear and standard rifles and stuff; a couple of tanks and other armored vehicles. But there are more exotic combatants rolled in there. One guy is a pyromancer or firebender of some sort wearing some kind of robe or gown. A few of the soldiers are wearing camo-painted powered armor and using more futuristic weapons. The leader of this group is like a big leopard in a power suit with a humanoid body weilding a plasma battleaxe.

      We are fighting against hordes of black and gray zombies with glowing red eyes. They come out of the field which is some kind of burial ground like zombies and we are gunning them down before they can get close. Then a big three-headed dragon comes out, its stature and body structure reminding me of king ghidorah. One of the armored vehicles fires a volley of missiles and the dragon roars but doesn't seem to have taken any significant injury. It lunges at our formation, biting down on soldiers who are firing on it in futility. Its centermost head lets out a roar which carries with it an aura of terror. I feel this 'aura' of fear somewhat but resist the urge to run away. Most of the force scrambles away.

      The leopard man isn't phased. He jumps onto the dragon's head and holds onto one of its horns. Then begins one-handedly chopping at its neck. He actually manages to get off one of its three heads before the dragon grabs his arm in its mouth and shakes him around before throwing him across the field into a tree. His arm had torn off and the dragon ate it. Leopard man prepares to make a last stand. I summon my amethyst bow and kill the giant dragon by shooting an arrow into each of its two remaining heads. It then begins burning away in a manner very reminiscent of how a dragon would die in Skyrim and I absorb some power from it. I go help the leopard warrior get up despite him being battered and bloody and missing one arm. When I do I get a feeling from him. That he is an exceedingly proud warrior that refuses to quit fighting until he either dies or wins. I wanted to tell him he did a good job and that he should go find a medical camp, but knew he wouldn't listen no matter how I tried to convince him.

      The remainder of our battered group continues to advance. We get into this grassy field surrounded by a wooden fence with this old abandoned farmhouse and fog closes in. There is a bit of a creepy atmosphere. Then this bug Sauron looking guy comes out with a giant sword and shield. Raiah (yes my original character) says "I've got something special for this freak" and shoots a matter disintegrator bolt from her robot arm. He blocks with his shield though it does make the shield glow red and orange where it hits. I tell everyone to stand back and let me handle this.

      I use my upgraded form. I'm very familiar with it now and I notice that. "I must have gotten used to it in dreams I don't remember anymore." I say to myself before I roar at him and then charge. There wasn't any real martial arts or strategy. I just rushed him and grabbed his hand holding the sword to prevent him from using it. We wrestle for a bit, as we twist and torque one another in various ways we get pushed through the farmhouse destroying the middle section leaving just the front and back wall and a little section of roof. His armor is covered with spikes and blades and its difficult to wrestle him without something poking or cutting me. Wrestling him is exhausting. Eventually I get him pinned and manage to pull his helmet off. He is just an old bully from junior high. I then grab him by the neck and pull him out of the armor, but do so in a way that doesn't injure or discomfort him. His body is normal sized and doesn't even fill a portion of the armor's torso, and all the armor breaks away when I remove him.


      Last night:

      I went to bed meditating on the idea that I seem to have developed a rather adversarial relationship with myself, and that since very early in my lucid dreaming career I have struggled with dream characters being directly and openly opposed to me being lucid. I think this epiphany was at least partially motivated by the "lucid dream war" being the crescendo of a very long lineage of dreams about fighting hostile dream characters. I have also struggled with myself reacting violently against dream characters when it is unwarranted. I resolved that it may be a roadblock that is keeping me from having more frequent and more enjoyable lucid dreams, and that I wanted to remedy this.

      I was walking in a park. The park is on a big sloping hill overlooking a beach with neatly mowed grass and trees surrounding it on three sides. There is a large parking lot near the top of the open grass area with cars parked in it and a small modern/futuristic cafe style building made out of glass, curved steel tubes and suspension wires that sort of hangs out over the slope. It kind of reminds me of half of a suspension bridge sticking out over the steeply sloping park with two levels of decks with chairs and dream characters sitting on them eating and talking. There is also a black paved walking trail that snakes back and fourth heading down towards the beach.

      I am walking along the black walking path thinking about how I should not be here, that it is a long way to get back to work. I then question where I am and become lucid. A family approaches me. Two children and two adults. They feel familiar and inform me that they have missed me and want to know when I might be able to come over and see them. Though there is an unspoken subtext that this implies they want to meet me in lucid dreams again. I respond with something to the effect of "I'll come see you soon" which similarly has an unspoken subtext that I have been seriously considering getting back on the lucid dreaming wagon. I acknowledge that I am accomplishing my goal of having positive interactions with dream characters.

      Another dream character comes along with several dogs on leashes. They all look like labradors in various colors and are all quite large. As the dream character walks by the dream scene shifts. I am underneath a stairwell in a basement somewhere; the walls are plywood and 2x4 studs, with all of the dogs but not the dream character. There is very little free space and the dogs become agitated. I try to convince myself that they are just excited to see me and not aggressive, though I didn't thoroughly convince myself.

      I am then back in the park scene, now on the inside portion of the cafe. I am holding a black and white cat with long fur, holding it on its back with belly and paws up. The cat is agitated and aggressive. It is hissing at me and trying to claw me and so I try to hold it in a different position. I try to put it down. None of these options work. My arms are not responding. Despite still being at least partially lucid I am now only an observer with no ability to act or speak.

      The cat is still aggressive and hissing. But now it is breathing heavily and makes a sort of loud irritating squeaking/wheezing sound when it does. Each time it breathes in its eyes and paw pads, which are jet black, swell up slightly then shrink. But each time the cat breathes in they swell a little bigger and don't shrink quite as much. There is a fearful sort of tension, as though this sounds absurd, in the context of the dream it was a rather disturbing and grotesque phenomenon. I try to channel positive energy into the cat, sensing that it is suffering. I try to break free of the situation and just do anything on my own volition, but I'm now only a lucid observer. A dream character starts laughing at me. I pull my rip cord and tell myself that this is becoming a nightmare, and I want to wake up.

      Too late. The cat's eyes and pawpads pop, splattering me and the surrounding dream characters with black tar. Everyone starts running and screaming. The black tar burns my skin and I am filled with a horrible terror as gooey sort of spider-like parasites crawl out of its eyes. I finally finish awakening and the dream fades out, though with the emotional intensity I probably would have woken up anyway.
      Categories
      nightmare , lucid , non-lucid
    14. 16 Sep: Visiting myself as a toddler, befriending a poor girl and reliving a past trauma

      by , 09-16-2022 at 04:02 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      Driving near my home, on the street perpendicular to the one with cat colony, and I spot an airplane flying very very low in circles. At some point I am sure it will crash. It is flying on its side and one wing hits an old stone wall on the edge of a plot of land. Miraculously, the plane doesn't crash right away and the pilot manages to straigthen it up and land on the narrow road besides it. But the airplane is all crumbled and broken. Some populars gather around to see and comment the situation but nothing agressive. Still, the pilot, who comes out unharmed, feels attacked and starts shouting and insulting everyone and telling them to go away.
      Somehow in the middle of this crowd I meet a time traveller. A guy tells me he invented time travelling and it's fine to go back and even meet yourself. I tell him I want to go back to some moment in the past. We land at some day when I was a toddler and my parents left me at the care of my grandmother. We knock at her door pretending to be salespeople. Back then everything was so much more simple and people trusted each other, so she invites us in and shows her she is feeding her granddaughter grapes. As my colleague sits down to talk about the fake deal with my grandma, I ask if I can hold the baby and feed her. She allows and I sit at a table holding my chubby toddler self and I feed her grapes. But I find the grapes are way too big and I might choke on those, so I chew them into smaller pieces, but my baby me rejects those. I ask my grandma why she is rejecting since it is easier to eat and swallow and she says she probably just doesn't want anymore grapes and that she has some sweets for her now. She hands me down some type of cake that has a crunchy white outside and is filled with a yummi creamy brown interior loaded with nuts and almonds. Once again, I don't think it is appropriate to feed these to the baby, both for the sugar content and the nuts she can choke on, so I again bite smaller chunks to feed the baby and in the meanwhile, I eat most of it myself because it's really yummi. Back in the future, my new friend has his machine and a big white board with formulas and notes in some small garage owned by some other guy. Incredibly, this other guy doesn't believe he actually time travels, so he goes back just a little bit just to write something on the white board and we in the present see it magically appearing on it. The time traveller guy had also been to the future recently and checked that his friend will still be offering him shelter in his garage for years to come, so him believing in it or not is irrelevant, he just needs a low-key place to keep it discreetly away.

      Parking with Riverstone at a parking in front ot some buildings, I am approached by a little girl who looks like a gipsy in ragged clothes. She asks for something, I can't hear exactly what. I have nothing I can offer, but I tell her I will bring something next time. Then we go inside the building, and the house we're in is similar to my mother's. We sit on the bed of my mom's room watching tv. The kid returns and I invite her in, because I want to know more about her needs. She is amazed at all my dolls and plushies. First, I think about letting her chose which one she wants, but then I recall I have lot more others in storage that I don't like as much and I prefer donating. So I ask her where she lives so I can go there one day with gifts and she takes me downstairs and around the building to show an apartment tower just behind us. Some windows on like the second floor are open and I see a large family inside, some of them at the window. I tell her I'll give my phone number to her so she can call me but she says she already has my phone. I wonder how.

      I am taking a shower at some place I don't recognize, but feels like home. Someone comes inside the bathroom and because my shower curtains ar way too short and don't close well, I see it is my *** . I feel embarassed and focus on pulling the curtains to close them as much as possible, but he pushes them a little open so he can peek. I feel awful and angry and I tell him to stop. He feels entitled to do it and I don't understand. I want to run away, I grab towels and cover myself. Then I remember I am a fully grown adult now and I really don't have to put up with his shit. So I tell him that and threathen to beat his ass if he doesn't just disappear and leave me alone.
    15. 22-08-10 Shooting my Dad

      by , 08-10-2022 at 11:22 AM
      Really harrowing dream. My dad was doing something, maybe something violent, and he was a threat to my other (forgotten and likely fictional) loved ones in the room/house. I pointed my Glock at him, hoping he'd stop. He didn't. He came straight at me. I pulled the trigger, and as usual that was almost impossible to do. It did go off, sort of, hitting him. It didn't seem to do much. I ran away and grabbed my shotgun from the locker. The fight continued, and I think I got a couple of good hits in. The whole thing was adrenalin-fueled survival, I didn't really *want* to do any of this. Dad ran outside. I ran after him. It was night, dark and rainy. I lost track of dad. Finally, I calmed down and emotion overwhelmed me. I was crushed by regret. I'd shot my own father. I literally broke down into tears, crying "papa, papa". Then I woke up. What a great night that was.
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