non-lucid

So I'm hanging out with this bunch of conservative Christian girls and we're playing the 'verbal chess game' so to speak. They're asking me questions trying to figure me out and I'm saying funny things that make them laugh plus other stuff I can't remember.

Anyhow, somewhere in all this half forgotten dream I get attacked by my ex gf! She sends me this explosive sphere that has a super compressed cord in its interior that holds the charge. When the cord is released it explodes! Well she sends the sphere at me and releases the cord! I raise up my hand like Neo in the Matrix and grab the explosive sphere redirecting the blast in a cone away from us like a superhero! Her plot to kill me fails. I understand that its not her but her father wanting to kill me.

......In either the same dream or another one.....

Next, I'm in this crowd of people, there's a huge tall strong man, a leader of some sorts walking towards me. As he approaches, he expects me to move out of the way, but I don't. I fearlessly stand in his pathway. The tall man stops and grabs me by the throat, lifting me up in the air!! As I dangle, I'm, not scared, its what I predicted would happen, I await my punishment for my bold daring. The man holds me for a few seconds and then sentences me for 'something'. I initially tried to use a martial technique and break his choke hold but his grip was too strong!

Awake|Dreaming|Lucid

I'm in some kind of mixture between PUBG and DBD. There are one hundred people with me and weapons on the ground. You are supposed to be the last survivor but there is a killer that is released after some amount of time. I try to grab a really big rifle right at the start but there is another person that grabs it at the same time as I do. We struggle and the rifle point is against me and he tries to shoot me while I still hold the gun but I manage to point it away so he misses. I take the gun and there is a big killer running against me with thick clothing all over him without on his face. I shoot his face with the big rifle and his face is torn up but he doesn't die. I hear someone say that the killer only can be hurt if you hit his face with an axe. I drop the rifle and run away. I find a cave. I hide and find a staircase that is blocked by the low roof in the cave. I try to stick my head in the opening and I see the light from outside. I pop my head in and I manage to put my head through several stair steps. I get stuck and there are two stair steps left until I would have succeeded. I think that this would be a good escape against the killer because he can't fit in this small holes. I am by the waters and the killer is coming. Gustav and my cousins are also there. I run to the water and jump in. I swim against a big rock and hide behind it. The killer hunts the people by the beach and doesn't notice us. I run away and the killer hunts me. He is faster and punch me to the ground. I lay still and he eats my arm. It's a really nasty feeling.
I got eaten in my dreams pretty often when I was smaller and I have built up a dream reflex that I should lay absolutely still when I get eaten. It should work as a dream sign but I am so afraid when I am chased. I can't do RC if I'm hunted I think.

There is a school bus and Magnus is waiting for me to go in. I ask him if I can drive moped behind the bus instead. I say "Please Magnus". He says okey and I go to find my moped.

Possible recurring elements: Games, struggling against weapons that are pointed against me, hunted, hiding and running, Gustav and my cousins, getting eating

Notes: I played DBD with my brother yesterday and my mother came in and said that she doesn't understand how we can enjoy games where you are supposed to hang up people on hooks. That's why I dreamt about DBD. I dreamt about a similar situation where I try to point away weapon from me in another dream. I don't know why I dreamt about the school bus. I never go by bus to school and I don't have a moped.

Dream fragment I was racing my sisters in mario kart, we were in the game racing on the courses that looked more like the 3d platform versions of mario, my eldest sister is winning but I'm only 12 points behind her coming up to the last course.

Another frag I'm at KC lakeview pool with Mason. I'm trying to get in during adult swim but the peck family start talking to me about something, I can see Mason is getting disappointed because he wanted me to come into the pool. Eventually I do end up getting in, there are kids doing tricks off the diving board.

The dream scene was at JMU, going back and forth down port republic, I think there were parties going on in forest. I'm in a car and we end up at Showker, I'm standing outside with Derek and he points towards the road that goes to the stadium and says "remember when Aaron would come from there and pick us up" and then I said "yeah after Accounting class", by the way this never happened IRL. We go across the highway and where there are dorms and he's telling me about how they drank there as a group of my friends, he then told me I was somewhere else at the time, I began to explain I was at this house over near forest with Hay, I mentioned I had been really hungover.

I eventually end up walking into a room, the idea is that I got placed into this random class of people who didn't give a shit about their academics. There was a girl curled up in a ball in her sweatshirt with dark makeup and long dark hair, a stocky guy sitting on a couch looking at his phone, and another guy on the other end of the room playing videogames. A teacher walks in and starts asking me about topics I've learned about, I say "accounting" and he repeats me, then I say "calculus" and he goes "oh yes calculus" or something like that, then he sits down on the couch and starts to go on about techniques in super smash bros. about how to go into someone and toss them, I'm starting to think I probably won't be learning anything related to school in this room. The girl who was sleeping is now on the other side of the TV and as I'm paying attention my eyes keep diverting off and meeting her eyes which are also darting back and forth.

Eventually I'm in another room, it looks like a situation room or computer lab, Donald Trump is there with other foreign leaders. An army soldier walks in, Trump starts talking to him, the army guy starts telling him a story about his brother as they're walking out of the room, a foreign leader stops Trump so he tells the army guy to wait for him out in the hallway, the army soldier says "yes sir" in a disappointed tone. The army guy comes back in the room in a little bit. Trump looks at me standing in the corner and says something like "are we ready to go" in an awkward tone. I'm now in an elevator with Trump Melania the army guy and Trump's two sons. I kept thinking Trump was going to ask the army guy to finish his story with the brother but I looked over and Trump had one iphone headphone in his ear not paying attention. I turned to the army soldier and said, "please you should tell us the rest of the story", he looked awkwardly at Trump who is not paying attention at all. Everyone in the elevator looked extremely uncomfortable. Trump slouched over and leans on the elevator wall where the buttons are.

I'm standing there and starting to think this is weird, why the hell would I ever be in this situation. And then I think 'hmmm this might be a dream.' I take my right index finger and push it into my left palm, at first nothing happens but then it partially goes through my palm. I look up and say "well you guys do know this is a dream right? This is a dream." Everyone in the elevator was just standing there saying nothing. I said "well in a dream you can do anything" and I imagine myself trying to fly, I end up morphing down through the elevator floor into a space below it where the elevator had been going down. I float down to the first floor and see a lobby that looked similar to an airport gate where you wait to board. My phone buzzes and it locks me out of any vision of the dream. The semi lucidity goes back into a non lucid dream. I unlock my phone and continue into the lobby. I see a bag and what I thought was the girl with the dark eyeliner in her sweatshirt again. I throw my bag on the seat next to hers and sit down. She isn't really there and it's a backpack. I look to my right and Liz walks up and throws a backpack onto a seat next to me. I look at my phone to see a text from her.

Jamie dreams

Big contrast in Jamie dreams. In the first one all I remember is crying about Jamie, like she had just done something horrible to me in the dream. The next part I am talking to Data about it. He is being very stern with me, not sure about what, but he implies that I am doing something which is greatly pissing her off.. I have no idea what i could be doing that would piss her off. Maybe I do, but that implies (assuming she has some sort of uncontrollable psychic link to me.) she can sense vividly what I do in my day to day life even though we have not spoken in some years <--- I am having a very difficult time believing that at all. Since she doesn't talk to me personally, We have no real friendship or relationship, therefore She has no say in what i do or not do in my spare time. and I did message her a year ago asking about these dreams and if there was a connection. She has not written back so i have no confirmation of anything and believe well... nothing. I do however sense a change in certain desires in me, almost like a feeling like she has been praying for me?!?!?!? If so, please continue.

Next dream I run into her on a street and she is with a group of friends. This dream is 2 days later and she is all happy to see me like nothing bad had previously happened. This could be just me remembering how she really was sometimes...

Last is an audio only dream. she is talking into my ear and asking if we are to get married. Her tone is very loving. again. i still have no idea if these dreams are me going insane or if it is in fact her. Again my answer is: If I have to. And my answer also is: Not going to happen if she never actually talks to me.

Also had some annoying reminders of jamie. Mainly her birthday, these are not dreams. Years ago bad room mates stole basically everything I own ( including my entire set of anime DVD's "Maison Ikkoku." A series i watched years ago and said to myself If a woman can sit through this entire series with me and watch it I would marry her. So.. it's a rare series so i looked on ebay... and found that japan has released and all region blue ray, for a hefty amount. the delivery date was of course her birthday. I was almost tempted to buy it. But my budget has been horrible lately. Second reminder is: Season 13 of fortnite has been delayed yet again... Until her birthday: Damn you fortnite!!! I still play once a week, can barely stand it.

Crazy

I was in a highschool cafeteria, and I pulled out my mcdonald's coffee cards, ( i have currently around 30 free coffees.). And Jessica, from 13 reasons why was there and started flipping out at me. She thought me pulling out the cards was somehow racist. I was really confused. And really I've been watching star trek reruns and even dug into the TOS (60s hippies in space) for the first time. and this is what I dream about? come on!!!

also varioud flying dreams that don't make me lucid.

Morning of February 9, 1971. Tuesday.

Dream #: 1,513-02. Reading time (optimized): 1 min.



I am at West Elementary School in Arcadia and walking to the building from the playground. I see lightning inside the main school building in the western area when looking north. Although it is a sunny morning, it is dark and stormy inside the classroom, though I do not see any of my schoolmates or teachers, only what appears to be a crude version of Doctor Frankenstein’s laboratory.

Later, I am sitting in a taxi in the back seat on the left-hand side. The driver turns around and reveals himself to be Frankenstein’s monster. His name is Frank N. Stein, which I read on a card above the steering wheel, to its left. Nothing frightening happens. It seems more like a puzzling comedic event. The narrative is ambiguous, as even though I am getting a taxi home, the school day has not started yet.

---

Now I ask for reasonable intelligence to understand how to decode this dream. Frankenstein’s monster awakened by way of electricity that could also be analogous to neuronal energy. It represents my own waking process and nothing more. The ambiguity of the narrative also correlates with the realization that I am not starting the school day because I am asleep.

---

My dream’s influence was probably from Shock Armstrong, the late-night television horror host of “Shock Theatre” from Channel 13 in Tampa, Florida (from 1964-1968). (There was a similar scenario I saw in a humor magazine later in my life; a gag about the ID not looking like the driver).

---

Sunday Night, 5/3/20

Dreamt that I ended up in the ER due to some serious respiratory issues. They gave me a bed right next to a couple people infected with coronavirus. They looked like they could be dying from it. I asked the nurse if it was safe for me to be in the same room, especially in my weakened state. She told me it was fine and that "They're six feet apart!". I wasn't reassured, especially since it was more like two feet. Is this even a real hospital? I wondered. This isn't the right procedure. I then noticed there was no medical equipment anywhere, just cots. I laid there, fading in and out of consciousness, wondering if this was where I would die. At some point I found the strength to escape from the place when no one was looking.

An involved plot followed where I got captured by a sociopathic serial killer in an abandoned industrial building. I managed to hold him down at one point but worried I wouldn't be able to maintain control of the situation until the police arrived. I don't think I did. The police did arrive, however. Three cops entered the building. I switched to the partial perspective of the lead detective, an older man close to retirement age. He/I instructed the others to split off and make a little noise to fake out the serial killer so he thought we were all approaching from a different side. Meanwhile I went off a different way as quietly as I could. The surprise ambush didn't work. The killer was holding a gun to the hostage, who was now actually a cat instead of a person. He gave me the ultimatum of taking a shot to the head to save the cat's life. I got the information that this cop was depressed and felt empty without his work to look forward to. He/I took the deal and for some reason I knew that the killer would adhere to the bargain... because he was just that particular brand of crazy.

I somehow survived after taking four gunshots to the head. I was not in great shape, however, and knew I needed to seek medical attention. I staggered out of the building and into the forest at night, making my way down the path. I gradually became myself again. I came to a short, rustic stairway with a wooden railing. Around that area I noticed a few swarms of flies. I stopped and stared for a while from a distance. I wondered about what type of flies they might be and why they were swarming here. I crept closer to get a better look and discovered that there was a dead crow laying on its back and that's what had drawn the flies to the area. I stared at the crow for a few moments, then I stepped past it and continued a short distance along the path until I reached the edge of a college campus. The Narrator spoke, telling me that I was going to be alright. I turned my face to the sky as dawn was approaching and lifted up into the air, drifting above the campus. The Narrator gave me instructions on which direction to travel. It seemed odd to me that I was flying but I reasoned that I must be in some sort of virtual reality simulation. Yes, that's it, that's why I heard a voice. I figured.

Spoiler for Additional Notes:

The first part of the dream is likely at least partially a result of the shelter in place in waking life, although I hadn't been giving much attention to fears of getting sick, at least not on a conscious level. The serial killer was likely a result of watching a short documentary on a sociopath the day before. For me the end of the dream stood out the most: seeing the dead crow felt meaningful in some way, as did deciding to just walk past it and flying at dawn. Between the Narrator being present and the realization I could fly, this seemed like another almost lucid. Unfortunately my mind rationalized it away instead of questioning it further.

Awake|Dreaming|Lucid

I used the mantra "I am going to wake up after each dream and remember it". I woke up four times tonight and wrote down my dreams when I woke up each time.

"I know it's a dream but I feel obliged to help you!" I say to my brother in my room. He says something and I look behind my bed for important papers that are supposed to help me help my brother. I walk to the bathroom. I become more lucid and decide to do some experiments. I look on my fingers and they are almost normal, just a little bit small. I have wondered this week if I have my glasses on in my dreams. I got glasses two years ago and I'm not sure if my brain gives me glasses in my dreams so I check in the mirror. I don't have any glasses and my view gets a bit muddy. My brain understood that I didn't have my glasses and made my view bad. I block my view from the mirror with my hand and excpect the glasses to be on when I move my hand. When I move my hand I have glasses on me. But on the left side the glasses are inside my head. I adjust the glasses but my view gets even worse with the glasses on. I take of the glasses and my view turns back to normal.

I fly over the city I live in and William appears, I ask him if he is my dream guide. He replies. "I am not your dream guide. dream guides are only for those who have mastered dreaming." I keep on walking. This dream was a little bit lucid but not that much.

I am with my cousins who all eat cereals. I am the only one who don't eat. Some of them drink milk from baby bottles. Oskar asks me if I can sit next to him and I do. I put my chin to his baby chin and go back to my chair.

I wake up in the night and test out WILD. I suddenly have my arms in another position and I think I moved them without noticing. But I realize I fell asleep and moved my arms in the sleep. I try to remember if I dreamed and remembered this dream.

I'm sitting in the kitchen and mom is sitting next to me. There are some cookies on a plate on the table. Mom says that she got them free from her work. We eat them but I don't remembered the taste.

I'm walking fast to school and see Max B on the way. Our eyes meet when we are about three meters away but I quickly move on. He's talking with his friends and I don't want to interact with them. Max is waiting for the train but I walk to the bus. We have a math assignment and I tell the buss driver about it. He says that he knows exactly how it feels and I feel comforted. The bus is driving to my old school Rosenfeldt.

Possible recurring elements: My brother and chaos, my house, the city I live in, William, my cousins, school, math

Notes: I have had the theme of my brother in chaos very much lately. Today I spent time with him. I read a dream journal about someone who had their dad as her dream guide. I also watched a TV episode about a person who is dreaming and talking with his dream guide. That's why I dreamt about dream guides. I am with my cousins very much and it is only natural for me to dream about them. My mom have brought cookies from her job sometimes in the past but not this year at all. I thought I saw Max B yesterday when I got my food from school but it was someone else I didn't know. That's why I dreamt about him. I have had a hard math assignment about proving a math theorem about matrixes and eigenvectors that I worked with a lot yesterday with. I proved it today and I'm so relieved.

Of One of Four Dolls

Morning of May 28, 2020. Thursday.

Dream #: 19,519-02. Reading time (optimized): 3 min 30 sec.



My dream’s initial setting is a unique variation of our current home (with much of my waking-life identity viably modeled), but the focus is mainly on a distortion of the second house from ours. (That house has been empty for a long time in waking life.) Zsuzsanna and I are going to go and look at the inside of the house. I remember it is smaller than ours, but in my dream, it is unrealistically inadequate at first. However, in the final scenario, the setting is a mostly empty lounge room that is bigger than our lounge room.

When I am in the house in its lounge room (before it transitions to its larger size), I consider how the back room, as the house only seems to have two, has walls covered with an unusual dark material. It is somewhat like pairs of insect wings evenly and vertically covering all of the walls, additionally reminiscent of fish scales. It seems to be a result of the room being unused for so long, giving the impression of unsuitability for a potential tenant.

I eventually notice four dolls standing in a row. Each is about a foot high. I focus my attention on one that represents a girl wearing roller skates. This precursor to the vestibular-cerebral handshake (the fundamental waking process to alert the sleeping mind to comprehend physical awareness to move and rise from bed) exponentially vivifies my dream, as is usually the case, even when witnessed rather than inherited.

Although the doll can stand on its own, it seems to be somewhat rickety at first. There is a button below its chest that will activate it. When I press and rub it, the doll continues to quiver (which results in a vestibular-somatosensory-cerebral handshake, vivifying my dream to the next stage) but soon rolls away, moving in an arc.

My auditory cortex becomes active as the final dynamic of the cortical handshake. The doll vividly speaks in a young female voice as it circles the room. “Ooh, I am moving. Ooh, what’s that? Ooh, it’s a box.” The doll bumps into an empty cardboard box that matches its height, though immediately turns, rolls a short distance, and bumps into another one opposite the first.

---

I awake with a slightly shaky feeling from being overheated.

Most dream content (excluding liminal and enigmatic integration as well as modulation by my conscious self identity) is always a unique rendering of the same waking processes, simple as that, that is, imaginary compensation for the vestibular-cerebral handshake (and as here, additional somatosensory cortex and auditory cortex activity). Ever since I was a child, it has remained mind-boggling that I have rarely seen anyone comprehend this no matter how clearly it has been explained and validated thousands of times since I first wrote extensively about dreams at age eight.

---

I will present here another rundown on this in my 5,100th Internet entry.

Dream content is fundamentally co-occurrent with the dream state. As explained many times before, “Similarly, he (Herbert Silberer) has shown that the conclusions of some dreams or some divisions in their content merely signify the dreamer’s own perception of his sleeping and waking…in persons who are gifted philosophically and accustomed to introspection it may become very evident.”

---

It should be self-evident that the shaky doll was a simulacrum of my emerging awareness of my physicality that needed addressing. It was upright and on roller skates (in contrast to my concurrent physical status), with similarity to my “Annabelle” dreaming experience from March 4, 2020. In that instance, the doll was bigger. Additionally, I decided to wear roller skates to enjoy the vestibular experience.

---

Now, some clarification to wrap it all up.

Why was the activation button below the doll’s chest? It was because of co-occurrence with my mild indigestion, where I typically press on or rub the same area for some relief.

Why was the doll on roller skates? This feature is the result of vestibular cortex activity that has not quite correlated with the emergence of my physical status during REM sleep (the same factor that causes sleep starts, in other words, the transition of atonia to myoclonus).

What is with the empty cardboard boxes? They are concurrent with the absence of full cortical integration, as virtual walls always are in the dream state, and ultimately with every other factor of liminal modulation. (For example, one person told me how he crashes through a wall to wake himself, though I often use a virtual door, and one of my more vivid early childhood dreams ended with a bull crashing through a wall. There is no need to pretend it “means” something else.)

What about the small room in the back with peculiar walls? I just explained what “walls” are, but the pairs of insect wings are more about a potential increase in neural energy. Their dormancy correlates with the absence of a cortical handshake and no anticipated myoclonus at that point.

Why was the doll female? I am more likely to associate a doll with feminine attributes, even though it is an analogy of how my body does not move while sleeping. However, I have not done the thousands of correlations needed to confirm that vestibular simulacrums are more often female than male.

---

Dreamt that I talked to an old friend, like if we were friends again. I was suprised that they messaged me on discord all of a sudden, but we had a good time on catching up on eachother...we dug the battle axe. And everything was alright.

Monday Night, 4/27/20

I was playing in the ocean along with one or two companions. "Come on!" I said, rushing headfirst into the water, swimming as fast as I could. I was half experiencing, half simulating the ocean waves. Upon realizing there were no large waves crashing over me, I began to expect them which then led to their creation and my experience of having large waves tumble me about. The part of me that was scared was drowned out (no pun intended) by my overall sense that I was perfectly safe. A female friend came along with me past the large waves. We were then rapidly pulled far out to sea where the waters became deep and calm. My mind offered up a couple practical concerns. Aren't you worried about dangerous sea creatures the longer you're out here? How far off is land on the other side of this ocean? Won't you get tired of swimming and drown? I decided it was best not to think of dangerous sea creatures. I should simply focus on not splashing around too much. As to getting tired, I found I was able to easily swim at a fast pace with barely any effort. Later we transitioned to walking and gliding along the surface of the water.

As night approached, the Narrator said that we would need a place to rest for the night. A dark blue door with orange trim around it appeared. I knew exactly what it was the moment I saw it. I opened it and we stepped through, into my room. Inside it was arranged a little differently than waking life, with bunk beds and a couple random piles of blankets, pillows, and sheets laying around, but it was still fully recognizable. I also found there was a second door which I could open to the rest of the house. I walked around in the upstairs hallway then went back into my room again. Strange. I thought, while my friend just seemed obsessed with playing in the blanket pile and rubbing her face against the pillows. I opened the blue door once again to see that, indeed, it still led right out to the middle of the ocean. "You can change where the door leads." The Narrator informed me. I closed the door and reopened it to try it out. It no longer led to the ocean, now it led to a random room. I closed it for good this time and prepared for sleep, though I don't think I actually did fall asleep.

Spoiler for Additional Notes:

This one was so close to becoming a lucid dream. I had the awareness of dream control abilities, noticed the oddness of what I was observing, and then there was the presence of the Narrator dropping hints. The Narrator is a disembodied voice that shows up surprisingly often in my dreams and I've referred to it as my subconscious in the past. I'm starting to notice a clear pattern where it shows up when I'm either lucid already or I'm very close to becoming lucid. The ocean is another pre-existing dream sign of mine that's been showing up a lot lately. My relationship to the waves in dreams has gone through an interesting progression over the course of 20+ years of having those recurring dreams, but that's a post for another time. Apparently I'm plunging headfirst into them now.

Awake|Dreaming|Lucid

I used the mantra "I am going to wake up after each dream and remember it". I woke up 05.15 with the first dream and 06.10 with the second dream. 05.15 I tried out WILD and it was the best I have ever had!

WILD attempt 15: I wake up 06.10 and write down my dream and drink some water. I go back to bed. I lay still and focus to relax my neck and tongue mostly. I have to swallow two times because my throat is so dry. After about 20 minutes I get some insane sensations in my left part of the body. It's like super fast vibrations. After about 25 minutes I am almost not conscious and on the verge of sleep. I am suddenly in a dream but I still feel my body in the bed. I wake up after a while, maybe after some seconds maybe after a minute, but can't remember the scene I was in. I enter my normal sleeping position and go to sleep.

I'm in a party in the left up corner of the room. I feel much older because the company I'm with are all as old as my parents. I speak with a younger lady (perhaps 20 years old) and we introduce each other. She says she is from Germany and I think I said that I was a Jew(?). We talk about bread baking and I talk about my bread(??). I get the impression that she is flirting with me. I walk down to the dinner table and my family is already there. The young lady sits two chairs away from me and she has two friends next to her. I see that her friends are pretty stupid. Suddenly my mother accuses her for flirting with me even though she has no intentions of wanting me. My mother says an advanced word that no one understands except she and the young lady that flirted with me. I understand that the word describes the situation me and the girl are in. Suddenly the girl who flirted with me becomes black and she leaves the table. I think to myself that my family is going to think that I fancy coloured girls but it doesn't bother me. I follow her to talk with her and she says that she is sorry because she flirted with me even though she didn't fancy me.

I'm in a hospital and I walk into the only door I see. My brother is laying there but he doesn't seem to be that sick. We talk and he says he is okey. I wait out the night outside the door and in the morning we see each other again. I suddenly have no shirt and I only have a towel around my waist instead of pants. I hold my other clothes around my arm and I walk outside to change clothes. For some reason I change in the middle of the corridor. There are two heavy nurses by my little brother's door and I see them through a mirror as I change. They also look at me through the mirror. One of the nurses starts to change clothes and looks at me. She is naked and when I have changed clothes I walk away from the nurses. I see some showers and go in to wash myself. My smaller cousin is there and she talks with an older man. When I stand in the shower my cousin suddenly harasses me by hitting me and I can't stand up because it hurts so much.

Possible recurring elements: Parties, family, hospitals, brother and chaos, showers, cousins.

Notes: I have noticed that I dream about parties pretty often and that it is one of my dream signs. The girl I met in the party was German because yesterday I saw an educational video and the teacher spoke with a german accent. Maybe I said that I was a Jew because I think of jews when I think about Germany. I dreamt about breadbaking because yesterday I made russian pasties and my dad thought that I made the bread to them but it was premade bread. I have dreamt about my brother and chaos some nights now. I want to help him fix his life more. I have also dreamt about showers lately. I often dream about my cousins.

Thursday Night, 11/7/19

I was hiking through a forest and I came out into an open field, accidentally spawning a large bear as I did so. I had to run away from it using video game controls. It morphed from bear, to wolf, to lion, to jaguar and long story short I couldn't increase the distance between me and it no matter what tactics I used.

Gradually the environment shifted from video game to realistic until I was running in my own body rather than using controls. Knowing I stood no chance remaining in the open field, I dove into the deep river to my left and swam across. I pulled myself out onto the opposite river bank and found myself back among the trees. But of course jaguars are excellent swimmers so the big cat followed me easily. As it came out of the water the jaguar transformed into a woman. She was beautiful and lithe, dressed in flowing white, with the cold expression of a seasoned killer. We came out onto a wide and empty paved road that cut through the trees. I walked backwards and shot invisible arrows at her which made her health bar go down - a remaining feature from the video game - but she was otherwise unfazed. She was slowly walking toward me holding an already bloodied sword which she didn't even bother to raise. She said, "It's always hard to kill something for the first time." Clearly she was not referring to herself. She seemed to be implying that any reluctance to kill on my part would give her the advantage.



We both stopped walking and she informed me flatly that I was out of arrows. Her health bar was only at half. I knew I would have to use my sword and hack away for my life. I wasn't very skilled with a sword. That is to say I'd never used one before. As the jaguar woman raised her own sword it was immediately clear she was in her element. My alarm went off, yanking me out of there and into a waking state.

Awake|Dreaming|Lucid

I'm with my old school friend Olof. We hang out.

I'm skiing in a pretty lame slope. There are some children and I almost trip over them when I ski. The snow is kind of melted and I get wet. There is a father to the kids in the slope and I show him my technique. It's a very bad technique, I just roll down like a ball without the skis on me, I get all wet when I do so. Later on I ski as good as I can, generating top speed (not so fast in the little slope) and apparently the slope was just a circle because I came back to the top of the slope after a while.

I'm in a store with people I know and I think Olof was there too. We look on different goods and wonder if we should buy anything. I'm holding in a candy bag. I don't think we bought anything.

I'm on my knees next to someone and are about to check his pulse. I check his pulse by the throat. First I don't sense any pulse. When I change my finger position I feel it. It's fast and shallow.

Possible recurring elements: My old schoolmates, skiing, kids and almost tripping over them, stores.

Notes: I have dreamt about Olof much in the last week. I saw him in town two weeks ago but didn't greet him. I love skiing and winter is my favorite season. This dream reminded me of the good times I have had skiing. Some dreams ago I dreamt about riding a motorbike and almost riding over a kid. In this dream I almost rode one over while skiing instead. I wonder what that means. I love kids and would never do that on purpose. The store is probably a sign that I have thought about buying some new strings for my guitar and my sisters old violin for a while now. I dreamt about checking a person's pulse because yesterday I had an assignment for PE class to learn about CPR. I watched videos how they checked a unconscious man's pulse then.

Not much to report this week.

Recall has barely improved.

Do remember 2 Jamie dreams. They were so fleeting it's hard to tell if they were good or bad. Regardless, it's nice to have any Jamie dreams. I'm still surprised to this day that she shows up almost weekly in my dreams for over 2 years now. I've never in my life had a consistent dream sign like this before.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

The world is going bananas and I am at some kind of camp with international people. Sharing a suite with some half dozen people, friends and strangers. Barack Obama is staying incognito with us. At the end of the camp, people are supposed to have a goodbye dinner with gift exchange, but some left abruptly and left their gifts behind unattended. My friends say is not ethical but I secretly pick some packages and go check what they have inside. One has some jewels and I sneak then into my pocket. Outside starts a storm and some solar panels are taken down. A team is putting them back up. Other people are organizing a market sale in a hallway.
We learn that a pandemic started and that's why some people left in a hurry. We are told all the rich people are going to their bunkers. Three old guys I met are going to an abandoned factory in a rural area, inside which they created a sort of inconspicuous bunker. They share their secret with me and allow me to join them. We encounter some rabid dogs at the entrance but we manage to escape inside and shut the doors. But then the guys come running back out because there are also dogs inside. I run to some kitchen and climb on top of the counter, while looking for a knife. I find a heavy wood instrument instead. One of the dogs comes in, but it's a fat bulldog and when he tries to jump up, I slam him with the wood. The dog gets KO so I get closer and touch the dog. Realize it is a female dog. She slowly wakes up and thinks I am petting her, so all of a sudden her attitude shifts. She sniffs me and gets all cuddly. Surrenders to me like a puppy. Then a bigger dog and a puppy appear and she shows them I am friendly, so they friendly too. The rest of the dogs also come one by one and they all become my pets.